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Let us know in your donation letter
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To delay may mean to forget
- Your help will ease human suffering and save lives -
Donation instructions: see below & Home Page
__________________________
STAF, Inc. - until every family is doing well©
We at STAF, Inc. want to know how this advice website has improved your & your family's life
Let us know in your donation letter
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-not-for-profit-
- the leading new organization in all family & life success topics -
* Nationwide - Worldwide *
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STAF, Inc.'s mission for your family's best:
Less suffering - more life™
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To inspect STAF, Inc.'s first 4 pages in its original founding acceptance documents provided
by the State of New York click: mission
STAF, Inc.'s purpose and its mission statements are in those 4 pages
STAF, Inc. saves lives
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for all family matters, success, health, wealth
& for the good life
with
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QUOTATION WHEN YOU GIVE YOU GIVE LOVE
Love gives life meaning. Whether it is the love between romantic partners, love for family or friends, having love in life makes it worth living. Love can be expressed in a multitude of ways for love's many forms. When you give a donation you are showing mercy and love towards your fellow humans no matter where in the USA or in the world they may live. When you help STAF, Inc. to help people & families nationwide in the U.S. and worldwide you'll get happiness in return because you know you showed love. It is said that the giver gets more than the one who gets the gift.
Donate now, go to the 1st Home page for the instructions - to do it later may mean forgetting
STAF, Inc. needs your help to help to ease human suffering nationwide - worldwide
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Colleges turn to therapy dogs
to help students deal with stress
A good idea as a family member in any family - a dog is a good therapist
Pets Can Reduce Stress—Sometimes More Than People
Introduction
Definition of a pet: a domestic or tamed animal including birds kept for companionship or pleasure and treated with care and affection. Dog is the most common family pet. It is also called the man's best friend. Cats are 2nd on the list and the birds the 3rd. Many exotic pets may be harder to handle and may carry unpleasant sicknesses when domesticated.
Dogs can easily be trained as therapy dogs. The intelligence of dogs vary depending on the race and there are different opinions. However, a common belief is that some dogs can be as intelligent as about 3 - 4 years old human child. The cats are believed to be about as intelligent as 1 - 2 years old human child. Here two links to show how the opinions may vary even among dog professionals.
click: 5 Smartest Dog Breeds Chosen by Veterinary Professionalswww.vetstreet.com
click: 10 Smartest Dog Breeds: Most Teachable, Trainable Dogs
Then there is the every day practicality. The smaller the pet the less they eat, the smaller the pet the easier it is to take care of the pet and the less they may shed their hair, the smaller dogs take less space in the car/truck and are other wise safer in the moving vehicle. In a city a smaller dog is easier, in the wide country side the bigger dogs may easily fit in.
To have an easy, loving, intelligent dog, we at STAF, Inc. suggest to have as your dog the smallest dog breed in the world - easiest to take care of and that dog breed is very loving and protects the family in the same manner as a bigger dog. The smallest dog breed offers different physical looks click: Chihuahua (dog)
If you have no pet we at STAF, Inc. suggest to have a Chihuahua dog. They are very loving and easy to handle and do not take too much space in the house or in the car. They come in several different looks and shapes. Anyone would love them. click: Chihuahua (dog)
You do not need to train your dog to be a therapy dog - a Chihuahua naturally is, so are many other smaller dogs. If you want to have your dog trained as a therapy dog, you can do it, of course. Up to you.
While we all know the power of talking about your problems with a good friend who’s also a click: good listener, research shows that spending time with a pet may be even better! Click: One study showed that, when conducting a task that’s stressful, people actually experienced less stress when their pets were with them than when a supportive friend or even their spouse was present! (This may be partially due to the fact that pets don’t judge us; they just love us.)
It’s important to realize that owning a pet isn’t for everyone. Pets do come with click: additional work and responsibility, which can bring its own stress. However, for most people, the benefits of having a pet outweigh the drawbacks. Having a furry best friend can reduce stress in your life and bring you support when times get tough.
For stressed college students, a doggone good way to relax
Finals. Stress relief is only a wag of the tail away.
“Doggy!” This is the reaction most people have when a dog crosses their path. For years, studies have examined how dogs help people deal with difficult topics such as illnesses and grief.
Given this, It seems only natural that college campuses across the country would start to use therapy dogs to help relieve the significant stress among students that can build up as they juggle science labs, work-study jobs and writing 20 page papers.
Enter Jersey, an adopted Carolina blend who recently became Drexel University’s first canine employee. (He even has his own official identification card). With Jersey’s hiring, Drexel became the first university in the country to have an on-site therapy dog throughout the academic year.
Jersey can be found on the third floor of the recreation center in the office of Kathryn Formica, his owner and the coordinator of student fitness and wellness in the Drexel Recreation Center. Formica explains that she sees an average of 10 to 25 student visitors per day, but around midterms it spiked to 30 students or more.
“I was excited that he’s not in a library setting, because it gets students into our building to see the gym facilities,” Formica says. “They can see other alternative ways to relieve stress.” Dogs just make people happy, Formica notes in observing Jersey’s popularity. “Jersey reminds them of home,” Formica says. “He makes them feel safe and secure; he brings instant smiles and happiness.”
Here are some other ways schools incorporate therapy dogs into campus life: Harvard has a Shih Tzu named Cooper in their Library of Medicine, and New York University has had therapy dogs visit their campus to interact with law students.
So students, as the dread of finals approaches, even if your college doesn’t have a therapy dog, seek out your own version of one. Here are a few suggestions:
Go for a stroll. Head to a local park near campus and park yourself on a bench, Trust us, you’ll see lots of dogs walking with their humans.
Create your own private session. Find a pet store and pick an adorable dog to look at. That will get you at least 10 minutes of puppy love.
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Other related articles beneficial to study:
Click: Therapy dog offers stress relief at work - Harvard Health -Harvard University Health Blog
Click: 10 Colleges With Successful Pet Therapy Programs - Best
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Next below back to the family matters
Read the dog article next above. A dog in a family can be an effective stress reducer - that can lead to a happier marriage and
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Read the dog article next above. A dog in a family can be an effective stress reducer - that can lead to a happier marriage and
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Notice:
When a parent (or anyone) beats a child
it is not only defined as child abuse .... it is also a felony.
Felonies are the most serious type of criminal offense.
Click: Felony
Click: Felonies, Misdemeanors, and Infractions
Make this serious matter clear to your baby sitters, to your housekeeper & to the kindergarten people & to anyone involved with your child.
When a parent (or anyone) beats a child it is not only defined as child abuse .... it is also a felony.
Never get physical with child. Never get physical with any of your family members. Think twice before you get physical with anyone anywhere. The category of self-defense outside your home is a different story. (See links below)
In many states it is mandatory for anyone witnessing child abuse or neglect to report it to the city or state officials.
Find out what the laws are in your area - call your local city hall for further information. Mandatory means "required by law or rules": the one who witnesses child abuse or neglect MUST report it to the officials.
Each State has a system to receive and respond to reports of possible child abuse and neglect. Professionals and concerned citizens can call statewide hotlines, local child protective services, or law enforcement agencies to share their concerns.
The contact information in your area you can find on the internet.
When a parent (or anyone) beats a child
it is not only defined as child abuse .... it is also a felony.
Felonies are the most serious type of criminal offense.
Click: Felony
Click: Felonies, Misdemeanors, and Infractions
Make this serious matter clear to your baby sitters, to your housekeeper & to the kindergarten people & to anyone involved with your child.
When a parent (or anyone) beats a child it is not only defined as child abuse .... it is also a felony.
Never get physical with child. Never get physical with any of your family members. Think twice before you get physical with anyone anywhere. The category of self-defense outside your home is a different story. (See links below)
In many states it is mandatory for anyone witnessing child abuse or neglect to report it to the city or state officials.
Find out what the laws are in your area - call your local city hall for further information. Mandatory means "required by law or rules": the one who witnesses child abuse or neglect MUST report it to the officials.
Each State has a system to receive and respond to reports of possible child abuse and neglect. Professionals and concerned citizens can call statewide hotlines, local child protective services, or law enforcement agencies to share their concerns.
The contact information in your area you can find on the internet.
- Click: Mandated reporting
- Click: Mandatory Reporters of Child
Think twice before you get physical with anyone anywhere.
The category of self-defense outside your home is a different story - but: still - think twice what your actions are - study the facts by clicking the links below
Click: Self-defense
Click: Right of self-defense
__________________________________________
How to Handle a Newborn Safely
Important for every person to study this article
Babies of any age can cry for many reasons. Often a untrained parent, babysitter or other caregiver cannot handle his or her nerves and starts shaking the baby. DANGEROUS - the baby can die. The shaking will cause the brains to bounce the hard skull leading often to the death of the baby or to serious brain damage. All due to the lack of training.
STAF, Inc.'s demand is that every parent must be given a training how to handle a baby before releasing a newly-born from the hospital. To babysit a person has to have licence to show that the person has taken the "How to handle the baby safely" training. A few hour training is better than nothing. Just to be a human being and old enough to babysit does not qualify anyone to safely care for a baby.
Whether you're a new parent, or a proud aunt or uncle, it can be intimidating to hold a tiny, fragile bundle of baby - especially if you haven’t spent a lot of time around newborns. No one, no mother, no father automatically knows what to do. Before the federal legislation STAF, Inc. is demanding does exist and the "how to safely handle a baby" training is mandatory nationwide do your own private research on the internet and in this STAF, Inc.'s website in this tab. Researching what to expect when you bring your new baby home can ease your anxiety and give you peace of mind as you bond with your new baby. Childbirth classes may cover the basics of breastfeeding and newborn care, and if you'd like more detailed classes about new baby care, you can often find separate classes near you or online.
Here are a few basic steps to help you and your loved ones grow more comfortable:
- Always wash your hands before touching your little one – and make sure friends and family do, too! To get rid of the bacteria rub your hands with the soup long enough = 20 seconds. Hum (or sing) either "Happy Birthday to You" twice = 20 seconds or sing the "Alphabet Song" one time = 20 seconds. Both fit for children and adults. Both are learning the "abc's" of safe hand washing - valid also for flu times.
- Supporting the baby’s head and neck is key. When cradling a newborn, allow the crook of your arm to act as support (= crook of the arm = the inside part of your arm where it bends). When holding upright, be careful to keep the head and neck area supported with your hand, while your arm scoops up the baby’s bottom.
- Always be extremely careful! Do not shake or move around too quickly while holding a newborn. Sitting while holding the baby is often a safe way to avoid any risk of an accident. ‘Newborn’ is not an age ready for rough play – no jiggling*) or being thrown up into the air. *) to jiggle = move about lightly and quickly from side to side or up and down
- Make sure your baby is securely fastened while traveling – whether it be in a carrier, stroller or car seat. Try to limit rides that can cause too much bouncing.
- Keep them comfortable! A newborn baby can cry for many reasons, but always check to make sure their clothing, diapers and body position are all in a comfortable state.
- When handling a newborn, be calm and confident.
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Callous*) Little Kids
May Have Behavior Trouble Later
Important info for every parent and for every educator
callous*) = showing or having an insensitive and cruel disregard for others
(to avoid misunderstandings, additional meanings for 'callous' at the end of this article)
By University of Michigan | October 20, 2014
Longitudinal, ongoing study
click: University of Michigan
Early preschool behavior problems often improve over time, but if kids don’t get over their behavior problems in grade school*), they are more likely to become aggressive and violent as teens and adults, a new study shows.
*) grade school = elementary school - typically during the last elementary year the student are age 11
click: Elementary school (United States)
click: Kindergarten a school or class that prepares children for first grade. A child in kindergarten is typically 4 to 6 years old.
Toddlers who don’t feel guilty after misbehaving or don’t care much about giving or receiving affection may be more prone to behavior problems when they get to first grade.
Early preschool behavior problems seldom raise a red flag and often improve over time. But when that doesn’t happen through grade school, children are more likely to become aggressive and violent as teens and adults, a new study shows.
Previous research on these different types of behavior problems has focused on older children and teens.
“Little analysis had been done among preschoolers, who undergo rapid physical and psychological development, making this a difficult time for parents to manage behaviors and an important time to help children improve their behavior,” says lead author Rebecca Waller, a psychology research fellow at University of Michigan.
Click: Rebecca Waller
Click: Rebecca Waller - ResearchGate
Click: Rebecca Waller - Google Scholar Citations
“Adults who are aggressive or violent have often shown early-starting behavior problems as young children. Thus, a focus on understanding the emergence and development of behavior problems before they become severe is important for creating new treatments that could help prevent children following a lifetime of violence or crime.”
Less Empathy and Guilt
Published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, the research uses data from 240 children and their parents who were part of the Michigan Longitudinal Study, an ongoing study of young children at risk for behavior problems.
Data were collected from parents when children were 3 years old and again by teachers when they were 6 years old. Parents completed questionnaires about their children’s behavior, while the children completed six tasks that were videotaped and coded by researchers.
The study identified three types of early behavior problems at age 3, including oppositional behaviors, ADHD*) behaviors, and callous and unemotional behaviors. For oppositional behavior, parents reported that their children were often angry, frustrated, and had difficulty regulating their emotions.
*) Click: NIMH · Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Not surprisingly, children whose parents rated them high on ADHD behaviors had difficulty maintaining their focus and attention during tasks. Finally, if parents reported “callous and unemotional behavior” in their preschooler, the children were reported to have less empathy, guilt, and moral regulation of their behavior.
Early Intervention
Children with the highest levels of these kinds of behaviors were more likely to show this behavior during first grade and were also more likely to have continued behavior problems as rated by their teachers.
“A key thing for parents and educators to take from this work is that many children during the preschool years show normative levels of behavior problems and aggression, but there may be different types of behavior problems that may need different interventions if the behavior is not declining as children get towards school age,” says study co-author Luke Hyde, assistant professor of psychology.
*) Click: Luke Hyde
For example, children with callous and unemotional behavior may be the most at risk and need treatment that focuses on the child’s emotional understanding of others, he said.
“The good news is that we know from other work that early interventions are very successful and helpful with early child behavior problems,” Hyde says.
“If parents or teachers are concerned about a child’s behavior, they should seek out a mental health provider such as a clinical psychologist, who is trained in a treatment called Parent Management Training. This treatment is very effective and can help a child learn better behavior, particularly early in childhood.”
Source:
(1) From University of Michigan via Futurity.org Click: Futurity.org
(2) STAF, Inc.
______
callous = showing or having an insensitive and cruel disregard for others
"his callous comments about the murder made me shiver"
synonyms: heartless, unfeeling, uncaring, cold, cold-hearted, hard, as hard as nails, hard-hearted, insensitive, lacking compassion, hard-bitten, hard-nosed, hard-edged, unsympathetic "his callous disregard for other people's feelings"
from Latin callōsus
adj. callous = about 1400, "hardened," in the physical sense, from Latin callosus "thick-skinned," from callus, callum "hard skin" (click: callus ). The figurative sense of "unfeeling" appeared in English by 1670s. Related: Callously; callousness.
callus (pron. kalo/es; plur. calluses) = a thickened and hardened part of the skin or soft tissue, especially in an area that has been subjected to friction
MEDICINE = the bony healing tissue that forms around the ends of broken bone
BOTANY = a hard formation of tissue, especially new tissue formed over a wound
botany = (1) the scientific study of plants, including their physiology, structure, genetics, ecology, distribution, classification, and economic importance. (2) The plant life of a particular region, habitat, or geological period.
e.g.: "the botany of North America"
Click: Education in the United States
See close below another article "When Parents Argue Children Struggle to Control Their Own Emotions"
___________________________
Callous*) Little Kids
May Have Behavior Trouble Later
Important info for every parent and for every educator
callous*) = showing or having an insensitive and cruel disregard for others
(to avoid misunderstandings, additional meanings for 'callous' at the end of this article)
By University of Michigan | October 20, 2014
Longitudinal, ongoing study
click: University of Michigan
Early preschool behavior problems often improve over time, but if kids don’t get over their behavior problems in grade school*), they are more likely to become aggressive and violent as teens and adults, a new study shows.
*) grade school = elementary school - typically during the last elementary year the student are age 11
click: Elementary school (United States)
click: Kindergarten a school or class that prepares children for first grade. A child in kindergarten is typically 4 to 6 years old.
Toddlers who don’t feel guilty after misbehaving or don’t care much about giving or receiving affection may be more prone to behavior problems when they get to first grade.
Early preschool behavior problems seldom raise a red flag and often improve over time. But when that doesn’t happen through grade school, children are more likely to become aggressive and violent as teens and adults, a new study shows.
Previous research on these different types of behavior problems has focused on older children and teens.
“Little analysis had been done among preschoolers, who undergo rapid physical and psychological development, making this a difficult time for parents to manage behaviors and an important time to help children improve their behavior,” says lead author Rebecca Waller, a psychology research fellow at University of Michigan.
Click: Rebecca Waller
Click: Rebecca Waller - ResearchGate
Click: Rebecca Waller - Google Scholar Citations
“Adults who are aggressive or violent have often shown early-starting behavior problems as young children. Thus, a focus on understanding the emergence and development of behavior problems before they become severe is important for creating new treatments that could help prevent children following a lifetime of violence or crime.”
Less Empathy and Guilt
Published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, the research uses data from 240 children and their parents who were part of the Michigan Longitudinal Study, an ongoing study of young children at risk for behavior problems.
Data were collected from parents when children were 3 years old and again by teachers when they were 6 years old. Parents completed questionnaires about their children’s behavior, while the children completed six tasks that were videotaped and coded by researchers.
The study identified three types of early behavior problems at age 3, including oppositional behaviors, ADHD*) behaviors, and callous and unemotional behaviors. For oppositional behavior, parents reported that their children were often angry, frustrated, and had difficulty regulating their emotions.
*) Click: NIMH · Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Not surprisingly, children whose parents rated them high on ADHD behaviors had difficulty maintaining their focus and attention during tasks. Finally, if parents reported “callous and unemotional behavior” in their preschooler, the children were reported to have less empathy, guilt, and moral regulation of their behavior.
Early Intervention
Children with the highest levels of these kinds of behaviors were more likely to show this behavior during first grade and were also more likely to have continued behavior problems as rated by their teachers.
“A key thing for parents and educators to take from this work is that many children during the preschool years show normative levels of behavior problems and aggression, but there may be different types of behavior problems that may need different interventions if the behavior is not declining as children get towards school age,” says study co-author Luke Hyde, assistant professor of psychology.
*) Click: Luke Hyde
For example, children with callous and unemotional behavior may be the most at risk and need treatment that focuses on the child’s emotional understanding of others, he said.
“The good news is that we know from other work that early interventions are very successful and helpful with early child behavior problems,” Hyde says.
“If parents or teachers are concerned about a child’s behavior, they should seek out a mental health provider such as a clinical psychologist, who is trained in a treatment called Parent Management Training. This treatment is very effective and can help a child learn better behavior, particularly early in childhood.”
Source:
(1) From University of Michigan via Futurity.org Click: Futurity.org
(2) STAF, Inc.
______
callous = showing or having an insensitive and cruel disregard for others
"his callous comments about the murder made me shiver"
synonyms: heartless, unfeeling, uncaring, cold, cold-hearted, hard, as hard as nails, hard-hearted, insensitive, lacking compassion, hard-bitten, hard-nosed, hard-edged, unsympathetic "his callous disregard for other people's feelings"
from Latin callōsus
adj. callous = about 1400, "hardened," in the physical sense, from Latin callosus "thick-skinned," from callus, callum "hard skin" (click: callus ). The figurative sense of "unfeeling" appeared in English by 1670s. Related: Callously; callousness.
callus (pron. kalo/es; plur. calluses) = a thickened and hardened part of the skin or soft tissue, especially in an area that has been subjected to friction
MEDICINE = the bony healing tissue that forms around the ends of broken bone
BOTANY = a hard formation of tissue, especially new tissue formed over a wound
botany = (1) the scientific study of plants, including their physiology, structure, genetics, ecology, distribution, classification, and economic importance. (2) The plant life of a particular region, habitat, or geological period.
e.g.: "the botany of North America"
Click: Education in the United States
See close below another article "When Parents Argue Children Struggle to Control Their Own Emotions"
___________________________
Age Appropriate Chores
Parenting
When you think back to childhood, chores probably don't show up as your favorite or most cherished memories. But maybe you do remember getting to college and being grateful that important life skills (like being able to do your laundry!) were taught to you by your parents. Chores are an important way to teach children about responsibility and to create a space where children feel needed, and able to make contribution to the family.
Here are some chores that are appropriate for the age:
Ages 2-3
- Assist in making their bed
- Pick up toys when playtime is over
- Bring dirty clothes to laundry hamper
- Neatly pile books and/or magazines
Ages 4-5
- Fill pet’s water/food bowls (with supervision)
- Water plants
- Clear the dinner table
- Use hand-held vacuum for small messes, such as picking up crumbs
Ages 6-7
- Keep the bathroom tidy
- Sort laundry (try starting with just matching clean socks!)
- Empty dishwasher + put dishes away
- Choose outfit and get ready for each day independently
Ages 8-9
- Put away groceries
- Bring in mail from mailbox
- Assist in meal preparation (peeling potatoes, preparing salad, etc)
- Clean their room independently
Ages 10-11
- Responsible for exercising pets once each day
- Wash dishes
- Vacuum carpeted areas
- Learn to use washer and dryer
Ages 12 and up
- Wash family car (with supervision)
- Empty indoor trashcans, bring trash outside each week
- Babysit younger siblings
- Learn to use washer and dryer
Additional tips for assigning chores at every age:
- Creating a chore chart can be an extremely helpful way to create a sense of routine and allow children to keep track of their responsibilities. Assign a reasonable amount of tasks and allow a reasonable amount of time for completion.
- Know your children’s limits – younger children probably shouldn’t be responsible for chores every single day of the week. Realize that older children will be bringing home homework, which will compromise the amount of time they have to complete chores.
- Reward your children for successfully completing their chores. Whether it is a financial reward or something else is up to your family to decide.
- On the same note, provide consequences when children do not complete their assigned chores successfully. This is key in teaching your children a sense of responsibility.
- Additional articles (Click: Pregnancy and Parenting related articles Source: Seventh Generation
____________________
To learn more about tips
for positive parenting, safety, and health
click below (after the essay article 1 of 2) on the age group for your child;
Eight (8) age groups from infant to the age of 17
All 8-group info provided by
CDC - United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
To learn more about tips
for positive parenting, safety, and health
click below (after the essay article 1 of 2) on the age group for your child;
Eight (8) age groups from infant to the age of 17
All 8-group info provided by
CDC - United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
____________________
First study this light blog essay
Let Your Toddler Get Messy
Being Messy Means "Being Creative & Learning"
toddler = a young child who is just beginning to walk
________________
Article 1 of 2 Let Your Toddler Get Messy - A Blog Essay
A toddler (depending who defines) is a child between the ages of 1 to 3 or 1 to 4. The toddler years are a time of great cognitive, emotional and social development. The word is derived from "to toddle", which means to walk unsteadily, like a child of this age.
Click: Dictionary Definition
I never thought I'd be someone who was ok with messes. I feel best when things are tidy and clean. I have a lovely toddler. As it turns out, his perspective on mess-making slightly differs from mine.
When he was first learning to walk, beginning to explore, practicing using his hands and eyes (and, to my chagrin, teeth and tongue) to figure out the world around him, I was constantly frustrated by the mess created in his wake. My instinct was to scurry after him picking up whatever he scattered, or to keep him away from things that offered the possibility of spills. It wasn’t long before it became clear that despite any of my efforts, mess was not only inevitable, but was helping fuel his creativity and learning.
So, I let him make a mess. And now sometimes, I encourage him to make a mess.
I’ve come to see clutter and splatters as good things. Mess means that my kid has been allowed freedom to explore, to expend some energy, express creativity, and make some mistakes. Mess isn’t a result of bad behavior or irresponsible sloppiness. It’s just a piece of this phase of his learning.
I do some things to maintain my own sanity, like set boundaries (“stay at the table” or “clean this mess before you make another”). I anticipate what projects may cause some clutter or a splatter and make sure we have time in the day for the extra cleanup required. But, I allow him these projects, knowing that they’ll be a bit messy, but recognizing that the splashing or spilling or splattering will only help him to expend a bit of energy and maybe learn something new. There may be flour on the counter and small sticky fingers, but he’s practiced a bit of measuring, some mixing, and helped contribute to a meal. I may need to take a moment to wash watercolor paint off the counter, but he’s had an afternoon of creativity, color, and self expression. Avoiding these projects would limit his exposure to all sorts of fun.
My four year old is still learning so much about the world around him. By allowing him to get a little messy, I give him the opportunity to explore his small world and make a few mistakes. It’s worth a little extra click: cleanup time.
Sources:
(1) 7 Generations
(2) STAF, Inc.
Article group 2 of 2
Tips
for positive parenting, safety, and health
Important info for every parent
Click: CDC - Child Development, Positive Parenting Tips
By United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
To learn more about tips for positive parenting, safety, and health,
click on the age group for your child.
Click: CDC - Child Development, Positive Parenting Tip - and there click any of the age groups listed below
(to click any of the groups below now will also connect BUT to click the title 2 lines above gives you broader information that you need to know also)
Click: Centers for Disease Control and Preventionwww.cdc.gov/
United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
CDC works 24/7 to protect America from health, safety and security threats, both foreign and in the U.S. Whether diseases start at home or abroad, are chronic or short-term.
___________________________
First study this light blog essay
Let Your Toddler Get Messy
Being Messy Means "Being Creative & Learning"
toddler = a young child who is just beginning to walk
________________
Article 1 of 2 Let Your Toddler Get Messy - A Blog Essay
A toddler (depending who defines) is a child between the ages of 1 to 3 or 1 to 4. The toddler years are a time of great cognitive, emotional and social development. The word is derived from "to toddle", which means to walk unsteadily, like a child of this age.
Click: Dictionary Definition
I never thought I'd be someone who was ok with messes. I feel best when things are tidy and clean. I have a lovely toddler. As it turns out, his perspective on mess-making slightly differs from mine.
When he was first learning to walk, beginning to explore, practicing using his hands and eyes (and, to my chagrin, teeth and tongue) to figure out the world around him, I was constantly frustrated by the mess created in his wake. My instinct was to scurry after him picking up whatever he scattered, or to keep him away from things that offered the possibility of spills. It wasn’t long before it became clear that despite any of my efforts, mess was not only inevitable, but was helping fuel his creativity and learning.
So, I let him make a mess. And now sometimes, I encourage him to make a mess.
I’ve come to see clutter and splatters as good things. Mess means that my kid has been allowed freedom to explore, to expend some energy, express creativity, and make some mistakes. Mess isn’t a result of bad behavior or irresponsible sloppiness. It’s just a piece of this phase of his learning.
I do some things to maintain my own sanity, like set boundaries (“stay at the table” or “clean this mess before you make another”). I anticipate what projects may cause some clutter or a splatter and make sure we have time in the day for the extra cleanup required. But, I allow him these projects, knowing that they’ll be a bit messy, but recognizing that the splashing or spilling or splattering will only help him to expend a bit of energy and maybe learn something new. There may be flour on the counter and small sticky fingers, but he’s practiced a bit of measuring, some mixing, and helped contribute to a meal. I may need to take a moment to wash watercolor paint off the counter, but he’s had an afternoon of creativity, color, and self expression. Avoiding these projects would limit his exposure to all sorts of fun.
My four year old is still learning so much about the world around him. By allowing him to get a little messy, I give him the opportunity to explore his small world and make a few mistakes. It’s worth a little extra click: cleanup time.
Sources:
(1) 7 Generations
(2) STAF, Inc.
Article group 2 of 2
Tips
for positive parenting, safety, and health
Important info for every parent
Click: CDC - Child Development, Positive Parenting Tips
By United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
To learn more about tips for positive parenting, safety, and health,
click on the age group for your child.
Click: CDC - Child Development, Positive Parenting Tip - and there click any of the age groups listed below
(to click any of the groups below now will also connect BUT to click the title 2 lines above gives you broader information that you need to know also)
- Infants (0-1 year of age)
- Toddlers (1-2 years of age)
- Toddlers (2-3 years of age)
- Preschoolers (3-5 years of age)
- Middle Childhood (6-8 years of age)
- Middle Childhood (9-11 years of age)
- Young Teens (12-14 years of age)
- Teenagers (15-17 years of age)
Click: Centers for Disease Control and Preventionwww.cdc.gov/
United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
CDC works 24/7 to protect America from health, safety and security threats, both foreign and in the U.S. Whether diseases start at home or abroad, are chronic or short-term.
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Science Says: Eat With Your Children
Family meals nourish your body,
helps in avoiding overweight,
builds closer relationships in your family
and helps the children avoid risky behavior
As a family therapist, I often have the impulse to tell families to go home and have dinner together rather than spending an hour with me. And 20 years of research in North America, Europe and Australia back up my enthusiasm for family dinners. It turns out that sitting down for a nightly meal is great for the brain, the body and the spirit. And that nightly dinner doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal that took three hours to cook, nor does it need to be made with organic arugula and heirloom parsnips.
Brain Food
For starters, researchers found that for young children, dinnertime conversation boosts vocabulary even more than being read aloud to. The researchers counted the number of rare words – those not found on a list of 3,000 most common words – that the families used during dinner conversation. Young kids learned 1,000 rare words at the dinner table, compared to only 143 from parents reading storybooks aloud. Kids who have a large vocabulary read earlier and more easily.
Older children also reap intellectual benefits from family dinners. For school-age youngsters, regular mealtime is an even more powerful predictor of high achievement scores than time spent in school, doing homework, playing sports or doing art.
Other researchers reported a consistent association between family dinner frequency and teen academic performance. Adolescents who ate family meals 5 to 7 times a week were twice as likely to get A’s in school as those who ate dinner with their families fewer than two times a week.
Family meals nourish your body, but that’s not all.
Does a Body Good
Children who eat regular family dinners also consume more fruits, vegetables, vitamins and micronutrients, as well as fewer fried foods and soft drinks. And the nutritional benefits keep paying dividends even after kids grow up: young adults who ate regular family meals as teens are less likely to be obese and more likely to eat healthily once they live on their own.
Some research has even found a connection between regular family dinners and the reduction of symptoms in medical disorders, such as asthma. The benefit might be due to two possible byproducts of a shared family meal: lower anxiety and the chance to check in about a child’s medication compliance.
It isn’t just the presence of healthy foods that leads to all these benefits. The dinner atmosphere is also important. Parents need to be warm and engaged, rather than controlling and restrictive, to encourage healthy eating in their children.
But all bets are off if the TV is on during dinner. In one study, American kindergartners who watched TV during dinner were more likely to be overweight by the time they were in third grade. The association between TV-watching during dinner and overweightness in children was also reported in Sweden, Finland and Portugal.
Soul Food
In addition, a stack of studies link regular family dinners with lowering a host of high risk teenage behaviors parents fear: smoking, binge drinking, marijuana use, violence, school problems, eating disorders and sexual activity. In one study of more than 5,000 Minnesota teens, researchers concluded that regular family dinners were associated with lower rates of depression and suicidal thoughts. In a very recent study, kids who had been victims of cyberbullying bounced back more readily if they had regular family dinners. Family dinners have been found to be a more powerful deterrent against high-risk teen behaviors than church attendance or good grades.
There are also associations between regular family dinners and good behaviors, not just the absence of bad ones. In a New Zealand study, a higher frequency of family meals was strongly associated with positive moods in adolescents. Similarly, other researchers have shown that teens who dine regularly with their families also have a more positive view of the future, compared to their peers who don’t eat with parents.
What’s So Magical About Mealtime?
In most industrialized countries, families don’t farm together, play musical instruments or stitch quilts on the porch. So dinner is the most reliable way for families to connect and find out what’s going on with each other. In a survey, American teens were asked when they were most likely to talk with their parents: dinner was their top answer. Kids who eat dinner with their parents experience less stress and have a better relationship with them. This daily mealtime connection is like a seat belt for traveling the potholed road of childhood and adolescence and all its possible risky behaviors.
Of course, the real power of dinners lies in their interpersonal quality.
If family members sit in stony silence, if parents yell at each other, or scold their kids,
family dinner won’t confer positive benefits.
Sharing a roast chicken won’t magically transform parent-child relationships.
But, dinner may be the one time of the day when a parent and child can share a positive experience
– a well-cooked meal, a joke, or a story – and these small moments
can gain momentum to create stronger connections away from the table.
Source:
(1) The Conversation
(2) STAF, Inc.
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When Parents Argue,
Children Struggle to Control Their Own Emotions
See also little above another article "Callous Little Kids May Have Behavioral Trouble Later"
Abstract
The following prospective longitudinal study considers the ways that protracted exposure to verbal and physical aggression between parents may take a substantial toll on emotional adjustment for 1,025 children followed from 6 to 58 months of age. Exposure to chronic poverty from infancy to early childhood as well as multiple measures of household chaos were also included as predictors of children's ability to recognize and modulate negative emotions in order to disentangle the role of interparental conflict from the socioeconomic forces that sometimes accompany it. Analyses revealed that exposure to greater levels of interparental conflict, more chaos in the household, and a higher number of years in poverty can be empirically distinguished as key contributors to 58-month-olds' ability to recognize and modulate
= (adjust, modify) negative emotion. Implications for models of experiential canalization of emotional processes within the context of adversity are discussed.
_____
Poverty, household chaos, and interparental aggression predict children's ability to recognize and modulate negative emotions
Exposure to verbal and physical aggression between parents may hurt a child’s ability to identify and control emotions, according to a longitudinal study led by NYU’s Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development.
The findings, which appear in the journal (click:Development and Psychopathology, also suggest that household chaos and prolonged periods of poverty during early childhood may take a substantial toll on the emotional adjustment of young children.
“Our study points to ways in which aggression between parents may powerfully shape children’s emotional adjustment,” says (click: C. Cybele Raver, professor of applied psychology at NYU Steinhardt and the study’s lead author. “Arguing and fighting is psychologically stressful for the adults caught in conflict; this study demonstrates the costs of that conflict for children in the household as well.”
click: NYU Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development
Research has demonstrated that exposure to conflict and violence in the home can shape children’s neurobiological, cognitive, and behavioral responses. Increased hypervigilance may support children’s safety in the short term, but can be detrimental for their long-term emotional adjustment. For instance, children who hear or witness their parents fighting may have trouble regulating their emotions in less risky situations, such as a classroom.
While earlier research established a link between parental conflict at a single point in time and children’s adjustment later in life, Raver and her colleagues saw a need to explore how children may be adversely affected by prolonged exposure to this aggression.
“We also were interested in other forms of adversity in the children’s environment, including poverty and household chaos, that could affect their emotional adjustment, since few studies have considered multiple factors,” says study author Clancy Blair, professor of applied psychology at NYU Steinhardt.
In the study, the researchers measured children’s exposure to several forms of adversity, and how they predicted their ability to recognize and regulate negative emotions, such as fear and sadness. The researchers followed 1,025 children and their families living in eastern North Carolina and central Pennsylvania, two geographical areas with high poverty rates.
The researchers evaluated the families in a series of home visits from the time a child was two months old through 58 months of age. They gathered data through parent questionnaires, administering tasks to the parents and children, and measuring the level of household chaos – including the number of times children moved, changes in caregiver, noise levels, cleanliness, and the number of people compared to the number of rooms – versus stability. At approximately 58 months of age, the researchers assessed the children’s ability to correctly recognize and identify emotions.
Verbal and physical aggression between parents from infancy through early childhood significantly predicted children’s ability to accurately identify emotions at 58 months of age. Higher exposure to physical aggression between parents was associated with children’s lower performance on a simple emotions labeling task. Surprisingly, higher exposure to verbal aggression was associated with greater emotion knowledge among the children.
Prolonged exposure to aggression between parents was also linked to children’s ability to regulate their own feelings of sadness, withdrawal, and fear, placing them at greater risk for symptoms of anxiety and depression later on.
Other forms of adversity also contributed to children’s emotional adjustment. The higher the number of years spent in poverty, the lower a child’s ability to accurately identify different emotions. Increased household chaos, especially disorganization, also lowered a child’s ability to recognize emotions.
“This study shines a bright light on the importance of supporting parents as they navigate the ups and downs of partnership or marriage,” says Raver. “Parents need help regulating their own feelings of anger, frustration, and worry when balancing the demands of work, family, and romantic partnership, especially when money is tight.”
In addition to Raver and Blair, study authors include Patricia Garrett-Peters of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and the Family Life Project Key Investigators. The research was supported by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (R01 HD51502; P01 HD39667) and the National Institute on Drug Abuse.
About the Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development (@nyusteinhardt)
Located in the heart of Greenwich Village, NYU’s Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development prepares students for careers in the arts, education, health, media, and psychology. Since its founding in 1890, the Steinhardt School's mission has been to expand human capacity through public service, global collaboration, research, scholarship, and practice. To learn more about NYU Steinhardt, visit steinhardt.nyu.edu.
This Press Release is in the following Topics:
Research, Faculty, Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development
Source: New York University
__________________________________________________________
Is It ADHD or a Problem With the Eyes?
Before medicating for ADHD bring your child to a competent eye doctor
It is believed that 70 % of ADHD cases are not ADHD at all - 70 % of kids eating medication for ADHD are doing it
unnecessarily and suffering from the negatives side effects of the unnecessary medication
“I’ve just seen two images of the same person on the TV screen,” my aging mother complained years ago. She had developed double vision. But what causes this condition? And how many children suffering with attention deficit hyperactive disorder (ADHD) are being needlessly medicated when the trouble is in their eyes?
Dr. Patrick Quaid, head of the Guelph Vision Therapy Centre, is an expert in double vision. He says that double vision must be taken seriously, as its diagnosis can range from brain tumor, concussion, or inflammation of an artery to simple dysfunction of ocular muscles.
Click: Dr. Patrick Quaid Bio
Fortunately, when adults notice double vision, they know something is wrong that demands quick attention.
But Dr. Quaid says children with ADHD often get either a delayed diagnosis or no diagnosis of ocular disorder. In addition, doctors treating a child with ADHD rarely consider arranging for an eye examination to detect ocular malfunction.
Convergence Insufficiency
The most commonly encountered abnormality is “convergence insufficiency,” or difficulty keeping the eyes tuned when reading.
- Convergence insufficiency or convergence disorder is a sensory and neuromuscular anomaly of the binocular vision system (= adapted for or using both eyes), characterized by a reduced ability of the eyes to turn towards each other, or sustain convergence.
- Click: Convergence insufficiency
These children have eyes that do not work in unison due to an imbalance of muscle control. Consequently, they see double when reading, frequently lose their place, find reading frustrating, and shy away from it, which affects their learning. They’re also inclined to rub their eyes and suffer from frontal headaches that are misdiagnosed as sinusitis or migraine.
A major trap can lead both parents and doctors astray. Dr. Quaid says that ironically parents of children with convergence insufficiency may be told their child has 20/20 vision by a regular eye test. Yet, the child still sees double when trying to focus on things that are close.
The disconnect is that children may not complain. Although their vision is abnormal, to them, it is their normal vision.
Convergence insufficiency is not rare. Dr. Quaid claims that one in 10 people has some sort of eye teaming problem. But what is shocking, and generally unknown, is that children affected with ADHD have three times greater risk of convergence insufficiency.
This is all the more reason these children must see an eye doctor who is cognizant of eye teaming abnormalities.
Dr. Quaid adds that doctors who are looking for a quick fix often place ADHD children on Ritalin or some other attention medication, without arranging for a detailed oculomotor workup. This is like putting a blanket over a fire and hoping it will go out.
Post-Trauma Vision Syndrome
During an interview, Dr. Quaid discussed another pressing problem that concerns many parents, the Post-Trauma Vision Syndrome (PTVS).
Today, brain concussions are becoming a fact of life for children and adults involved in contact sports. Moreover, bruised brains can result in serious neurological and ocular abnormalities despite normal results from MRI and CT scans.
MRI = Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), nuclear magnetic resonance imaging (NMRI), or magnetic resonance tomography (MRT) is a medical imaging technique used in radiology to investigate the anatomy and physiology of the body in both health and disease
Click: MRI - Wikipedia
CT Scan = Computerized tomography (CT scan) — also called CT — combines a series of X-ray views taken from many different angles and computer processing to create cross-sectional images of the bones and soft tissues inside your body.
Click: CT scan
Dr. Quaid, ahead of the times, has sage advice for those who intend to engage in contact sports: Be sure to get a baseline test for binocular vision function before engaging in contact sports.
This is important, as those who already have binocular vision dysfunction, but may not realize it, will likely suffer even greater eye teaming issues should they suffer a subsequent concussion. In fact, a concussion may be like the straw that breaks the camel’s back, causing more severe and less treatable problems.
Just how many children in this country are being diagnosed with ADHD when they in fact suffer from subtle forms of double vision is unknown. But we do know that too many children are being placed on Ritalin for questionable reasons. Surely it makes sense to arrange for an eye examination specifically looking at eye teaming skills before doing so.
The difficulty for parents is that children will usually not complain of problems with eye teaming as they may not be aware of what to report. This may result in misdiagnosis.
Source:
(1) U.S. CDC
(2) STAF, Inc.
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Maternity Leave in the U.S.A. & Worldwide
How Does The U.S. Stack Up? - Also The Paternity Leave exists
Pregnancy and Parenting
Countries without paid maternity leave (2014): Swaziland, Lesotho, Papua New Guinea and the United States of America (Shame on you, America! - Shame!)
Some private companies provide paid leave in the U.S. - Info below
Location of click: Lesotho click: Lesotho - Country Profile - Location of click: Swaziland click: Swaziland Government
Location click: Papua New Guinea
Thinking about adding a new member to your family? If so, one of the things you may be considering is if you can afford to take the time you need to care for a newborn while still supporting your family financially.
The US may be a leader in many things, but maternity leave is not one of them. Many countries around the world not only offer lengthy maternity leaves, but paid leaves as well. An example: the lucky ladies of Denmark are entitled to a full year at 100% pay! Okay…maybe that is dreaming big, but other countries offer similar situations. Russia allows 20 weeks at 100% pay, and Canada gives new moms 50 weeks at 45% pay.
Where does the US stand? There’s no national program, but generally maternity leave lasts 12 weeks and the benefits vary from state to state. Currently California, Rhode Island and New Jersey are the only states with a paid leave system in place. Recently, President Obama has expressed his hopes to offer paid maternity leave for all working mothers.
Some U.S. companies offer paid maternity leave, some unpaid.
“There is only one developed country in the world that does not offer paid maternity leave, and that is us,” Obama said. “It’s time to change that.”
Many talented and hard-working women and men are forced to choose between their job and their family, which shouldn’t be the case. We all know how important (and irresistible!) it is for new parents to spend time bonding with and caring for their newborn. Many doctors suggest that the first few months are a crucial time for baby to learn trust and self-esteem. You are their first model for a healthy relationship!
What has your experience with maternity leave been?
Parental leave results in better prenatal and postnatal care and strengthened parental bonding over a child’s life.
This time provides long-term benefits that improve a child’s brain development, social development and overall well-being.
Study the following articles to learn about the maternity & paternity leaves (paid & unpaid) worldwide
Click the title on the next line - if the link has expired search the web with that title
click: Study: Why Maternity Leave Is Important
Click the title on the next line - if the link has expired search the web with that title
Click: Parental Leave and the health of Infants, children and Mothers
Click the title on the next line - if the link has expired search the web with that title
Click: Countries without paid maternity leave: Swaziland, Lesotho, Papua, New Guinea, USA...
Click the title on the next line - if the link has expired search the web with that title
Click: Paid Parental Leave: U.S. vs. The World
Click the title on the next line - if the link has expired search the web with that title
Click: Among 38 nations, U.S. is the outlier when it comes to paid parental leave
Click the title on the next line - if the link has expired search the web with that title
Notice the following article - leave for the fathers:
Click: 20 Companies With Great Paternity Leave - Care.com
Click the title on the next line - if the link has expired search the web with that title
Click: Tech Companies Offer Workers The Most Paid Parental Leave
The Nordic countries have the best maternity & paternity leave system: Sweden, Finland, Norway, Denmark, Iceland
Click the title on the next line - if the link has expired search the web with that title
Click: Comparing leave systems in the Nordic Countries
Click: Fathers' use of paternity and parental leave in the Nordic Countries
Source: STAF, Inc. Research
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Click the green title (next line) to study with your whole family
How to Save The Changing American Family & Still Raise
Successful, Healthy Children ...staf1org.weebly.com/.../how-to-save-the changing-american-family-still-... STAF, Inc. blog science article
How to Save The Changing American Family & Still Raise Successful, Healthy Children - Same Principles Valid Worldwide.
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Introduction to Happiness
Marriage Happiness - Family Happiness - Happiness in Life
This information is important for every person - unmarried or married
Learn to keep a positive attitude leading to happiness - but how?
Running after the feeling of happiness is like trying to catch the rainbow
The principle of how to pursue (= catch = get) & keep happiness is mostly misunderstood , tells the happiness science.
The pursuit of happiness click: pursuit of Happiness is in the click: United States Declaration of Independence, thus, especially the Americans think and believe that happiness is what everyone then should feel most of the time - otherwise we have failed in life. Not true at all.
Relax, STAF, Inc. will show you what real happiness is and how to get & keep it.
Let's see what the most recent happiness science states.
Quotation
"The Road to happiness is paved with struggle"
(Dr. Russ Harris)
Some main principles here - apply the information and you will have peace with the mystery of happiness.
Happiness is not always and continuously feeling good.
That would be boring and make us feel strapped in the same routine day after day.
Happiness is richness of life based on different events & different feelings.
Life with endless forms and ventures is richness.
If we desperately want to limit our life to one feeling only, feeling of happiness, we certainly will feel miserable - that would have nothing to do with happiness.
What makes us humans happy is to get results in solving our difficulties & struggles. Having a steady work is one major source of life happiness. Getting results in any meaningful goal, no matter how difficult, gives us happiness.
E.g., relationships & parenthood gives us deep meaning & happiness and they always have difficult sides also.
Solving our struggling & solving our challenges is the key to highest happiness.
Old saying
"When God wants to give us a gift, He always wraps it into a form of a problem"
When we solve the problem, we grow wiser & stronger and as the result feel peace & happiness.
Thus, (1) do not curse the difficulties but (2) bless and be thankful for them and for the challenges & struggling
because they are an important part of our existence and the keys to a better, richer, happier life.
____________
Next below a full-length seminar for developing & maintaining true marriage happiness
Study it with your spouse/partner together.
This seminar can also be used for premarital counseling.
If you are still unmarried study this seminar now to avoid mistakes when you meet your spouse
If you have children a good idea is to study the seminar together as a family.
The earlier your children learn and practice these principles the more successful they will be in all communication and of course also in their own future marriage.
Are you ready
Are you both ready
Are you all ready
for more about how to have
happiness in a realistic manner?
You are?
- Excellent -
Then start with your spouse
(and if you have)
with your children
this results-bringing seminar & apply the information
This seminar will change your life for the better
It starts next below
If you have children, study this important seminar all together as a family - have every child of any age involved & learning
these success principles - the earlier the better-
Even the baby, even the toddlers and all children of any age (also the teenagers)
Also the baby will absorb information in her/his brains (already in the womb)
Your children will learn early on the secrets of a happy marriage and a rewarding family life. Your children will thank you later for the rest of their lives. ALSO important is: when your children learn how YOU TWO, their parents, are meant to behave in order to secure and keep their marriage filled with heavenly happiness AND if you, the parents, do NOT behave as the seminar has trained the parents to behave, then the children are the FIRST ones very fast to point out the wrong behavior and actively tell the parents what the correct behavior is. Guide your children to always actively remind you, the parents, when either one or both of you treat the spouse or the children in a wrong manner.
If you do not have children, then you two, as a couple, have to decide you will and are allowed actively, as needed, to remind each other of the correct behavior. If you have children this solution is an excellent trainer for the parents and also for the children for their own future marriage & family life. The children are deep-learning the correct and the incorrect behavior and can learn to avoid the difficulties even now, at the present time, in their own behavior at home, in school, and anywhere because many of these principles are suitable to apply almost in any human encounter. The principle is at home and outside the home the same: love your neighbor and you will be loved. It is an excellent solution, with long-ranged benefits, to have your children of any age involved in this seminar to study together with their parents. As long as you do not have children, yet, aim to create a study group with your friends - married or unmarried. Group studying is fun and provides good results because the inter-action of the group members can present a variety of opinions - that may create a deeper view into the whole topic.
The seminar is medicine for the married couple and a future problem antidote system for the unmarried. About children: have them early - it is one of the best experiences in life and then the grand children ... and sometimes grand-grand children ....One advice could be: have the children as early as you can afford - then you have a better chance perhaps to see your grand-children.
Some important facts:
This seminar is the medicine for the present problems and is also suitable for prevention of the future problems.
If you are not married study the seminar to be ready with correct knowledge when you meet your future spouse.
Being happily married can keep both spouses healthier,
give both spouses a longer life and prepare an easier road for the children in their adult lives.
Being happily married leads also to a financially stronger life.
An important fact, based on love relationship studies is this:
marriage, not cohabitation pays health & life success dividends.
Commitment to a lifelong relationship appears to be the key to the good life, research states.
_________________________
Quotation
"Knowledge is no power - only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.)
_________________________
The first thing for all you, the parents and all children, to do together
(before continuing from this point further to the material below),
is FIRST to study all articles placed above starting from the top of this page.
They are articles that are placed there after this internet seminar below was developed and they are articles that relate to the same topic: your marriage and family happiness and every family member's success in life.
The seminar study material below will have plenty of links to additional information.
Study all links as they come and study them all together as a family.
This seminar will take longer to study than it looks at surface. But: the results will be more than rewarding, the results will strengthen and save your marriage and give you real heavenly happiness in your family. This seminar will give your children early on the most important information for life. You will agree with all these pre-statements when you follow the instructions and apply
the learned information all together in your family and continue to study the next step presented after you have finished this first part of the life-quality improving and family happiness strengthening seminar.
The next step after this seminar is to maintain and widen the success you all have learned by studying the principles you will learn in this seminar you are starting now together as a family.
_________________________
This seminar is for
(1) a married couple, (2) for the couple's whole family = for their children of any age; study this seminar all together as a family including with your baby and toddler(s) and with other children of any age still with you and: (3) this seminar is also for any individual living alone still looking to get married - learn the success principles early to avoid mistakes leading to any disaster and one more: this seminar is to any person who wants to improve their communication in any type of a relationship and succeed in any human connection
Section one: New techniques for your marriage & family happiness & successful child raising (next below)
Section two: In a study group study all remaining articles in this tab related to marriage, family & child raising topics
Section One
____________________________________
Quotation
"If the family were a boat, it would be a canoe that makes no progress
unless everyone paddles"
Click: Letty Cottin Pogrebin
____________________________
The Magic
How to Maintain & Keep it forever
in Your Marriage & in Your Family
&
How to raise super-kids & guide them
become exceptionally successful adults __________________
To achieve & keep the magic it is necessary that
every family member
will study & apply the information given in this internet seminar
Referring to the quotation above:
to get somewhere
STEP ONE
Everyone,
Learn to Paddle
_______________________________________
Notice # 1:
In your marriage
the change
for the better
starts with
you
You cannot change the other person - you can only change your own behavior.
When you improve your behavior as a new model for your mutual relationship
(but not stating that change aloud)
you will see the automatic improvement in your spouse.
____________
Notice # 2:
Children do
what they see
their parents doing
not what you tell them to
do
Be a good parent:
do what you want your children to copy
______________________________________
______________________________________
Seminar
Guidance text, methodology,
design & editing
by Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., D.D.
(STAF, Inc.'s Founding President)
Copyrighted©
Webinar - Internet Seminar
____________
* * * * * * * * *
All material in this seminar is based on the most recent science
& is suitable for the use in the College & University level education
for all degree levels: Associate, B.A., M.A., Ph.D.
Legal warning:
To copy any part of this advice website
is permitted only under certain circumstances
For info go to the end of the Home page
________________________
Quoted
"The best thing you can do
for your love life is to love your life"
click: Andrea Syrtash
__________________________________________
First Principle
Marriage makes you
more independent
because you are joining forces with somebody -
you always have a teammate.
You cannot control what another person thinks, does or feels - and you must not even try to.
That's why the best relationships are effortless, because you just let each other be,
to grow naturally together instead of growing apart.
Relinquishing control is an important clue that a relationship will last.
__________________
When love and skills work together,
expect a masterpiece
Click: John Ruskin
Click: John Ruskin Quotes
___________
You & your spouse provide the love,
This worldwide popular STAF, Inc.'s seminar provides you the skills
Apply everything you learn in this seminar
______________________
The dog
as an anchor to happiness
yes: a dog!
_______________
Quotation
"Loyalty, that's a thing about dogs.
You can come home any time and they're glad to see you
and they come running to the door to lick your face.
Not like your wife of your children."
(Cecil Williams)
Click: Cecil Williams
___________
Is the loyalty level in your home as this above quotation states?
Is the dog the only one coming to greet you by the door?
Dogless?
Then no one comes?
If the above is the situation in your family,
then:
in
this World's # 1 advice website Successo-Pedia©
for all family matters, success, health, wealth
& for the good life
with
Free Question & Answer service
you and your family members
will be guided
to a much more rewarding family behavior
A fact: in over 65 % of the U.S. families & the families worldwide things are as the above Cecil William's quotation states about the loyalty the dogs show to their master and the family members.
Is the dog the only happy, loving family member who comes to greet you at the door?
If that is the case, then your marriage & family happiness and your children's life happiness is in a real danger.
Is this what you or your other family members want: the failure and the breakage of your family?
I do not believe you do.
I do not need a crystal ball to say: that is how the future looks like because:
(1) The majority of the U.S. and the families of tens of other leading countries worldwide live this way.
If they do not have a dog in the family, no one comes to greet anyone at the door to lick and to tell
"I love you, I am happy to see you".
(2) In the same percentage level with the 1st line 65 % is also the failure & breakage
of (1) the U.S. and (2) the today's families worldwide in the leading, developed countries.
Thus, the percentage numbers match these two situations.
That is an unfortunate, shameful matter of fact. That causes much suffering to every family member - totally unnecessarily BECAUSE there is a way to upgrade your family happiness & to keep it on the heavenly happiness level and keep it there forever. STAF, Inc., the nation/worldwide leading new organization will guide you in this advice website how to achieve that upgrade and keep it on the level of true happiness. That upgrade would also secure your children's life & your children's own future marriages with the same heavenly happiness. It would also make your dog happy because he/she probably would draw a conclusion that it was he/she who made you copy his/her behavior.
Your doggy pet would sure be proud - with all his/her rights to be - because your dog shows his love - do you?
Because we started this webinar introducing at least one family member, the dog, coming to greet you at the door, then lets first talk about the principle of a dog's love and how you and your family can greatly benefit from it.
In another chapter below we will be discussing in details how to upgrade the home coming of any family member into a happiness celebration leading to a successful family life.
This information will improve, deepen & strengthen your marriage and your family happiness.
One day this guidance may even save your marriage.
However, it can only happen when every family member is paddling in the same canoe as the first quotation above in this page sates.
"If the family were a boat, it would be a canoe that makes no progress
unless everyone paddles"
(Letty Cottin Pogrebin)
Click: Letty Cottin Pogrebin
click: www.lettycottinpogrebin.com
A little dog talk:
The dog makes a happier family - the presence of a dog keeps the members of any family healthier emotionally, mentally & physically. Ask anyone who has a dog - these statements are true.
You can also find much evidence for these statements in the related internet articles.
A dog in your family can improve your family's health and save in health care costs.
Dogs are intelligent family members.
They can be as intelligent as a 3 - 5 years old human child.
The level of intelligence vary between different dog breeds.
To confirm these statements as facts search the web and read a few articles about
the canine smartness and
how a dog will give happiness in a family.
Copy & search: how a dog will give happiness in a family.
Have a small-sized dog (eats less, saves in feeding & health care & in other care expenses), with short hair (less hair shedding, easier & cheaper to keep clean), with a family attitude (good with children of any age), friendly with your guests (not to aggressive) and capable of accepting and loving other possible family pets (e.g. cat, bird, fish).
If you live in a country place a bigger dog is easier to handle.
In a city (and any where) a bigger dog can give more physical safety protection.
A dog lives between 10 - 20 years, some longer
Here 3 possible small/medium-sized dog breeds that may be suitable
Wikipedia has a good description with pictures of these 3 first dogs as it may also have of any other dog
you may be studying:
(1) the Mexican origin Chihuahua regarded as the smallest breed of dog; wide variety of sizes, head shapes, colors and coat lengths (= hair); search (copy) Chihuahua
(2) French Bulldog - a top favorite among the New Yorkers. The "Frenchies" are very playful and affectionate. They are loyal, loving and wonderful companion dogs. They can sometimes be hard to train as they can be stubborn. Search the web with: French Bulldog.
No dog is easy, nor is any human - any relationship takes effort and mutual learning.
Labrador Retriever has been recently in the U.S. nationwide among the most loved breeds.
Having a dog is an effective way to develop happiness in your home when you do what this seminar guides to do. A bigger dog can provide safety while in the park or anywhere outside. A bigger dog needs more rigorous playtime outside (which can help you to exercise more). A bigger dog takes more space in your car and costs more to maintain. A dog of any size will bark when someone enters your property. The dogs are protectors.
A small(er) dog is easier and cheaper to maintain. Smaller dogs shed less hair, bigger dog shed more hair.
Discuss the dog details together as a family, study the internet carefully before deciding what dog to take. Wikipedia has much good information so have many other sources.
AKC - American Kennel Club -
AKC.org
AKC has all information anyone needs. Wikipedia has the info in a more compact form.
Look at both and other links.
American Kennel Club - AKC.org
lists the most popular dogs nationwide and gives plenty of other information you may need.
Labrador retriever has been recently among the most popular dogs in the U.S.
Copy search: Labrador Retriever
(3) The Japanese origin Shiba Inu
Shiba Inu is an agile dog, full of life and energy, active and outgoing and can be a good company in different outside activities and also in hunting. If your physical activity includes walking or jogging, Shiba Inu is a perfect companion.
Shiba Inu may be better fit for a countryside home but can be happy in a city surroundings also. Talk to a breeder.
Search the web with: Shiba Inu.
If you have children or are planning to have children you can get ideas by searching the web with
"show small-sized family dogs, good with children of any age and loyal to the family".
Study the temperament of each dog when doing your research.
Before your final choice search for breeders familiar with your choice of breed and ask more questions.
Do all this research together as a family
- each vote counts -
then you will have an easier time to make your final choice.
When every member of your family is involved everyone feels equal and well-treated -
that's a good way to start a new, happier family life.
It may be safest to buy your dog from a breeder as a puppy. Other choices are the dog shelters (but the dogs are mostly adults (sometimes puppies, also) and can have much fear if they have been abused by the previous owner.
Talk to the shelter administrator.
Realize: pets need health care - be prepared for additional expenses. The bigger the higher the costs.
On the other hand the dog is much cheaper than a Ph.D. level marriage & family counselor.
Copy your dog's loving behavior.
The dog will be your marriage and family therapist.
The dog may be saving your marriage as will be explained in this seminar.
Treat your pet lovingly as a family member and never get physical with your pet.
Never hit your dog, you will lose the dog's trust - be patient.
Never hit your child either, it is not discipline, it is a felony.
Give a good model to your children.
Remember: the children do what they see you doing, not what you tell them to do.
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If you do not want a real, breathing, loving dog,
or for any reason cannot have a living dog,
do not worry - STAF, Inc. will give you another choice.
Note: When you read the reasons (many more still below) to have a real, living, breathing, friendly, loving small dog, and still say "no way, no dog in my home" that is O.K. - then:
(#1) use a dog's behavior showing love as your own behavior model. You have seen dogs how enthusiastically they come to meet every family member - practice & learn to do the same in your own home with every family member, first of all with your spouse. The purpose of these words is to favor your, your spouse & your whole family with real, heavenly happiness, better than you had experienced before. If for some reason you do not want a real loving dog, then
(#2) Buy a new toy dog, the size about the same as would be the size of your favorite small dog with short hair/fur looking like your real favorite (small) dog - a dog you would have if you had one.
Then in your home place the toy dog, as the symbol & image of your real favorite dog, in such a way that it will remind everyone how a real dog will show his love - perhaps next to the inner entrance where you would meet your spouse and your family members. Together as a family (democratically - so no one can feel someone is a bully) give your toy dog a name, the same as you would give to your real dog.
The dog is one of the anchors for all you to start daily shoving more actively your mutual love feelings.
One more detail. Even though you already may have a toy dog in your home, it is important to buy a NEW toy dog (and give it a name) because as a NEW member of your family it would be a more effective reminder of your decision to create a NEW family life with deeper love and wider success for all of your family members to enjoy.
It would be also an effective way to improve your marriage happiness.
This quotation shows how to get the desired results:
Quotation: "Knowledge is no power - only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.'s founding President)
Even though this is partially repeating the same topic, let's still talk more about the practical benefits of having a real dog in your family, sooner or later or as soon as your circumstances will allow.
Please: for you own happier family life, be patient and study this additional dog information as it has many new facts - all helpful and rewarding. Discuss this and all other details together in a whole family meeting.
If you & your family decides to have a real, living, breathing, loving small dog, search the internet and study different dogs suitable for you as a family dog. Then, perhaps you could find out, if you can get such a dog in a shelter (often free - give a donation if you can) - they are veterinary "certified healthy" and available immediately.
A small dog fits into your family car easier, is easier to carry in a small carry-on-bag around, yet, the small dog would be a good alarm system, works only on little food & affection and some rubbing on the belly - and on some hugging & kissing now and then, thus, giving a good model to you what to do in your marriage and in your family
= to show your love enthusiastically also with these physical actions.
This new small dog or your already existing dog (when you now, with this new information, may see your dog's behavior in a new way) would be an anchor to set a refreshing, new, more loving and more active attitude to show your love towards your spouse and also towards your children.
The dog's presence will remind & inspire you & all your family members to realize that it is also your right to give & get love as the dog is doing - all major activities in creating harmony, happiness & success for everyone in your family.
There are many other benefits when having a dog. As may be needed, a small dog in your home would be barking as loud as a big dog and warn you of an intruder or other danger, of any emergency, even potentially saving your & your family members lives. All dogs are intelligent, hard 24-hour security guard workers and they do not demand even the minimum hourly salary. As a love-showing "app" the dog creates new love in your marriage and in all relationships in your family.
Depending on the breed, the dogs are as intelligent as a 3 - 5 years old human child.
One recent example that got viral. The family had a f/t child care worker. First the dog was peaceful but after a few days every time the parent(s) came home the dog started heavily barking at the the child care worker and kept doing that day after day. The parents installed a video monitoring system and found out that the child care worker was heavily abusing the child.
The dog did not bark any longer when the family had a new child care worker. You can find plenty of stories about the dog's intelligent behavior when you search the web with that topic.
It might be a good idea to do such a search together as a family.
Are you doing seasonal camping? If not, start camping with the whole family - it's healthy, in every way refreshing and strengthening your family closeness & happiness. In the spring/summer/fall time, when you are camping with your family, perhaps a bear plans to enter your tent, the dog will wake you up by his/her barking and save you & your family members from harm. Of course you sleep in a real tent when you are camping - at least you should. If you sleep in a RV the bear still could rip off the door or at least mess up everything outside or jump on your vehicle. Depending in what part of the world you are there are other dangerous animals. The dogs know their work and protect you. The predators normally stay away (not always) when you all are still outside enjoying the evening campfire*) but when you retire they will come sneaking around. Your dog hears them from far away.
A dog's hearing capability is about 20+ times more effective than what we humans have. Your dog will hear someone approaching at one mile's distance and prepare you for a safety net, in case.
Click green:
*) A campfire is a fire lit at a campsite, to serve the following functions: light, warmth, a beacon, an insect and/or apex predator deterrent, to cook, and for a psychological sense of security. In established campgrounds they are usually in a fire ring for safety. Campfires are a popular feature of camping, particularly among organized campers such as Scouts or Guides. Your dear small dog's barking is stronger than the bear or other Apex predators (also known as alpha, super, top or top-level predators). Apex predators are predators with few to no predators of their own, residing at the top of their food chain.
click: apex predator
For what reason do we put this info of a campfire here?
Because this is one thing for your family happiness we at STAF, Inc. suggest you start doing with your family (and with your dog).
A weekend out camping in the nature with your family (& your dog) will have many benefits.
It's fun and it will strengthen your family ties - even your male dog would love it because of so many trees to mark.
During the warmer months aim to go a few times camping for 2 - 3 days or sometimes longer.
In addition, the year round have weekly one family pick-nick in the nature by a big river, lake, park, ocean, etc. A one full day pick-nick trip + your dog with you (weekend?) when every family member can be coming.
If some family member sometimes cannot come to the whole-day weekend trip, replace that with a family pick-nick by going to a local park, river or ocean, if that helps every family member to come. That's only 3 - 4 hours.
The time as a family outside your living quarters together is important,
otherwise you grow apart as a family - that is a sign of a trouble. All these activities will strengthen your family ties, reset your internal clock called the circadian rhythm or waves click: Circadian rhythm,
give you a better sleep when you come back and remind you of a healthier, more natural life style & natural nutrition.
Even more. STAF, Inc. also strongly suggests that you will have your children joining
the Boys' or Girls' Scouts of America Website: Boy Scouts of America (BSA)
The Boy Scouts of America provides a program for young people that builds character, trains them in the responsibilities of participating citizenship, and develops personal fitness. Click: MORE
or click: Girl Scouts | Official Web Sitewww.girlscouts.org/Girl Scouting builds girls of courage, confidence, and character, who make the world ...
The scout organizations are marvelous tools for life success.
In this website are articles listing the many benefits for all these activities including your weekend (sometimes longer) camping trip. Search also the web with such topics and share the material with your whole family.
If you did start the regular camping trips, all important happiness & health improvers, when your children were still toddlers, you would have no hard time to have your teenagers coming to the weekend family camping trip.
If you did not, it can be hard later. Speak to the teenagers in a nice manner, no forcing, no screaming and show them in a loving manner the reason the family needs them on the trip. Do it the way your small dog would do. Everyone, including the teenagers, would gain better family ties with higher happiness in your family now and later in their own family. STAF, Inc, will advice in several locations in this advice website to have the weekly family meetings where you handle the material step by step from this website - takes years - but: the benefits are
a better health & a better, happier & richer life for all when everyone applies the information.
We at STAF, Inc. still most respectfully suggest: if you just can and your circumstances allow, please: have a small dog in your family - you need the dog to strengthen your heavenly happiness in your marriage and in your whole family.
The dog and its way of showing love and affection is a powerful reminder for you and for every member of your family
to copy the dog's behavior. We all need anchors to improve our life through our choice of behavior. An anchor will remind you & every one in your family to do what keeps you on the road to the desired destination. The dog is one of the anchors to improve your family happiness.
All is explained in the above text.
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The difference between a cat and a dog is well put in this
Quotation
The cat thinks:
"You feed me, you groom me - I must be the god",
the dog thinks:
"You feed me, you groom me, you take me out - You must be the god"
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This quiz is for fun only
Click: Are you a cat person or a dog person? Take our quiz!
If every family member would take this quiz you could compare your similarities.
If you want a cat - remember: it sheds a lot of hair. However, if you live in the suburbs or in the country side, the cat throws the mice, rats & other creatures away - that's beneficial
A typical cat does not come to greet you at the door
If you take a cat to your camping trip or to the river or ocean or to a park for your weekly family pick-nick, your cat might just disappear and leave alone and then:you have no cat
Have a small dog with short hair - less work, less mess
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Introduction
PART TWO
The Quicksand
click: Quicksand
______________________________________________
Quotation
If there's not any endgame, we're in quicksand.
We take one more step, and we're still there, and there's no way out.
(Richard Shelby)
Click: Richard Shelby
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But wait:
There is always a right solution to anything in our human life
There is always a way when there is the will
Never give up searching and you'll find the answer
The endgame and its results are that count
It is said "The one who smiles last smiles best"
________________
STAF, Inc. will teach you everything you need to know
how to keep & maintain happiness in your most important relationship circle, your marriage & your family.
Not only that, if you feel that all is so bad that there is no hope and all is lost, even then with the instructions in this
# 1 advice website you, your spouse & your family will get back your marriage & family happiness and not only have it back but have it back and upgraded to a higher level of heavenly happiness.
STAF, Inc. will teach you the endgame that takes you out from the life-destroying quicksand.
You will learn how to enter into the Startgame opening a golden road to a new life in your marriage and in your family.
Like every winner who never gave up and refused walking away,
your spouse & your family
will be rewarded with a new life when you work out your challenges based on the result-bringing guidance you'll find in this seminar & in this website
____________________________________
Notice
Stop the arguing & nudging*) in your marriage
and just alter what you can control:
YOUR BEHAVIOR
to nudge = to complain or carp persistently; to carp = to find fault in a disagreeable way
Quotation
"We cannot put out fire with more fire"
(Old wisdom)
When YOU (silently) change/improve your behavior,
then your spouse will automatically adjust his/her behavior in return.
Once more: you cannot change your spouse's behavior only she/he can.
The more you would try, the deeper you push both of you and your family & marriage happiness into the quicksand.
click: Quicksand
This works best when you initiate your decision to change your behavior during a "peaceful" time/moment in your relationship and you do NOT let your spouse know
that you will change your behavior.
If you let your spouse know, the human pride (in all of us) may surface from our darker sides*) dominating
and she/he feels "I won" and then the results may be that you will be torturing each other's nerves even more -
that's how we all can be. *) darker side = limbic system; explained further below
Silence is gold about your plan to improve/change your behavior -
then the results will be diamonds.
There is one exception to this:
if your spouse ASKS you to improve your behavior you will say, without any arguing:
yes, I will, my honey - thank you for pointing this out -
(and without any irony, softly & pleasantly say:)
"would you please let me know how do you want me to do/behave/handle this in the future and
I will then do it".
(Then just listen and confirm "I'll do what you asked because I care for you and I do love you.")
If the situation allows
hold your spouse's both hands and look at his/her eyes when you have this mini discussion.
On the phone ask your spouse imagine that you are holding the hands
and looking in each other's eyes.
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The Real Reasons Marriages Break
and like quicksand swallow your marriage & family happiness
are fully presented below.
Study them and apply the happiness bringing info
Both of you: the husband & the wife
and your children old enough to understand - the children for two reasons:
(1) to help and give emotional support to your parents in what they may be going through,
(2) if your children are not old enough to understand, let them know that you are working on improving your family spirit and ask them to remind you both of a few easy things:
hug now, kiss now, hold hands now, no voice raising, stay friendly & work out your issues, there is always a soluti0n to everything. The older children can state similar affirmations to help the parents stay friendly.
Dealing with alcohol, substance abuse, more serious matters, contact a professional counselor. In a possible abuse issue of any type, take temporary shelter but STILL give your marriage a chance with love & respect.
The earlier in your marriage you start studying these matter the better both spouses are equipped to handle peacefully these issues. The earlier, the less you fall into the quicksand.
STAF, Inc. demands that these important principles are taught in every school and/or before having a marriage licence a few hours seminar on these topics be taken. Correct knowledge about the potential challenges in any marriage and how to handle them can save marriages and save our children facing the 13 life-destroying challenges every child faces in a parental separation or a divorce situation. The list below quite soon after a few other paragraphs.
Knowing the reasons for the calamity gives you the tools to escape from the dangerous quicksand.
When you apply the advice you get here you will have your challenges solved and your happiness returned.
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The Doorway
to Heaven on Earth
The Forever Lasting Happy Marriage
Detailed guidance for keeping your marriage happy
___________
(1) Love, (2) patience & (3) forgiveness
the 3 keys for a happy marriage lasting forever ______________
This is
World's # 1 advice website Successo-Pedia©
all family matters, success, health, wealth & for the good life
with
Free Question & Answer service
________________________
Here
you will find all answers you & your family needs for success
(1) How to love your spouse more and deeper year after year &
how to maintain & keep your happy marriage forever;
(2) How to raise your possible children and guide them to
emotionally and financially fulfilling, successful life;
(3) How you & your children can maintain good health;
(4) How you can become a (multi-)millionaire family;
starting only with a $50 monthly investment;
(5) How to conquer any challenge
_________________________
It is beneficial to study all info in this tab/page together with your spouse.
Teach these facts also to your children in your weekly family meetings.
The family meeting instructions are handled in this same tab/page.
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Quotation
"The strength of a family, like the strength of an army,
is in its loyalty to each other"
(Mario Puzo)
Click: Mario Puzo
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The two very best gifts in life:
(1) A marriage with heavenly happiness that you share forever with your spouse;
(2) A model of a home to your child(ren)
where the parents have a deeply loving, peaceful relationship
In such a home every child will grow up emotionally, mentally & physically healthy. A happy home will provide the children with a strong self-confidence to seek and materialize everything their born & learned talents are fit to handle. These children will have leadership positions already in their schools. The children who see their parents having a happy relationship do not very easily get involved with drugs, with crimes & with other risky behaviors. It is a fact that young children do what they see their parents doing - they do not do what is told them to do.
So it is with all children also as adults - the way their parents marriage is/was will often be the same in their own marriage. You want your children have a happy marriage as adults - then give them a model of a happy marriage in the home they grow up.
When you got married in the traditional manner ("traditional marriage" explained in the next chapter below) you have the real potential to stay married forever. That kind of a marriage gets happier year after year when maintained with the care the marriage needs. What the skills are and what is needed to have a forever-lasting marriage with heavenly happiness, are all explained in details in this advice website in this tab. You will learn everything you need - apply the information with your spouse and with your whole family.
Quotation "Knowledge is no power - only applied knowledge is power
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.)
Never, ever get divorced when you did get married in the traditional manner - there is no real need for it.
Heal your marriage - STAF, Inc. will show you how
A healed marriage is happier than your marriage was ever before - its worth all your effort to get & keep.
The two biggest gifts you can give to your children are (1) the model of a happy home and (2) the model of how to stay happily married - never get separated or divorced - there is no need for it
when you tied the knot in the traditional manner.
____________________________________________________
"To us, family means putting your arms
around each other
and being there"
(Barbara Bush)
Click: Barbara Bush
The former First Lady of the U.S.
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How to raise successful children ?
When you have finished this "Heavenly Marriage Happiness" seminar first
(we are still far from the finishing line) and learned successfully
to apply its principles, then the next seminar STAF, Inc. will make available for your family
is about raising successful children.
A good idea: start and keep the weekly family meeting and go through also this whole happy marriage webinar in that meeting with your children. Takes time but: the family meetings are meant to last as long as the children are living in the same household.
Then you gain 2 important benefits:
(1) your children will know HOW their parents need to behave to save the happiness and to save the family - the children would be eager to remind their parents if the parents would sometimes break the guidance info in this webinar and (2) your children would learn already early on for their own future marriage how to create and maintain a successful family union with full of love and success. This all will be one of the best gifts you as the parents can give to your children.
To succeed first as a happily married couple and as a family together is the solid starting ground to succeed in raising well-balanced children. It is said that one of the best gifts you can give to your children is to give them a model of their parents' happy marriage. When your children see their parents daily showing love to each other and especially when the children are involved personally in the process as this seminar guides to be, your children will be growing as well-balanced individuals and then, later on in their own adult lives, will automatically copy the same principles in their marriages thus gaining the same happiness & harmony as you will now experience in your marriage.
Again: your children will do what they see their parents doing, not what the parents tell them to do.
The same statement is true when your children are developing a well-balanced personal positive character
- their character will be built on what they see heir parents doing.
When you apply the principles together as a couple you learn in this seminar, it will make also your children happy and automatically respectful towards both parents.
There is one important matter we want to address at this point in this brief "how to raise successful children" comment.
In some families often the father and/or mother may be behaving like a tyrant. Then the parent is basically copying what he/she saw his/her own parents doing. Being a tyrant or raising one's voice or getting physical (which may be illegal) instead of serving the family members as a respectful, loving guide, will always lead to disasters in child raising - and later on easily to drug use, crimes & even worse. Respect your children and they will respect you.
Both parents: study this following interview article "Putting Your Followers First" (link below) and apply in your family the principle putting your "followers needs first". Your followers are your other family members. The article relates to a business but the same principles apply to any private and to any family life. Study this article all together with your children as a family and discuss how to apply it in your family for everyone's success. When you apply the respectful principles and put your "followers" first, big miracles will happen. Guide your children to apply the same principles at home and outside the home.
If you happen to be a company leader or manager apply the same principles in your work. And last and not least: learn to apply the same principles in every connection in your life - then you will get the same in return.
Click: Putting Your Followers First
The title could as well be "Putting The Other Person First"
If the link has expired you will find the article with added comments in this same website in tab: Successology or you may find the original article by searching the New York Times with the title - Published in NYT, March 22, 2014
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Old wisdom
"Whoever wants to be successful in life
must first be a servant to everyone else"
Also the financial business success comes from the same principle.
Money is made by selling services of different types: products or personal services.
The better the product or service the more it sells and the bigger the profits.
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Important
Next below you will see
the list of the
14 life-destroying disasters
your child(ren) will face
in the parental separation or divorce situation
Every child experiencing
a parental separation or divorce
faces serious life threatening disasters
See just next below
Is this really what you want for your children
? ? ?
The most destructive 14 listed here:
Click the green article web links below the list of the 14 disasters - study the articles and see
how family problems in childhood affect brain development
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All of these 14 disasters are based
on the most recent science
(1) overall increased risks to health & welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time; (13) serious high blood pressure challenges in their adult years when growing up with only one parent;
(14) Children's obesity rate rises 104 % with parents' separation or divorce.
Evidence science articles for these 14 disasters are in several locations in this website and in this tab
Below 3 links
By getting separated or divorced your child(ren) will be facing more or less of these life-destroying challenges - is this what you want to your child(ren)?
Heal your marriage - It can be done - STAF, Inc. will help.
Just alone to apply all information in this internet seminar you can heal your marriage.
If you need further help, contact STAF, Inc. - we will help.
Contact info in the home page.
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Quotation
“It is easier to build strong children
than to repair broken men*)”
Frederick Douglas
Click: Wikipedia
*) of course we could add: "or broken women"
Love and Affection
Percentage of American fathers who hugged or showed physical affection to their children under age 13
every day in the past month:
(1) White, non-Hispanic: 76 % (2) Hispanic: 73 % (3) Black-non-Hispanic: 56 %
Percentage of American fathers who, every day in the past month, told their children that they love them:
(1) White, non-Hispanic: 65 % (2) Hispanic: 45 % (3) Black-non-Hispanic: 56 %
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Six science articles and one related article to study below:
It will strengthen your family ties when you study these 6 articles together with your children and
decide all together
how everyone will learn to behave for every family member's best. When everyone is involved discussing these matters then everyone is willing to work together as a team and "behave". It is the same principle when everyone, including all children, are involved in your food preparation, then everyone is much more willing to eat in a new manner healthy food (as many may be used to fast food which is bad food) - the correct nutrition matters are handled in full in another internet seminar developed by STAF, Inc.'s specialists.
Exposure to common family problems early in life can impair
your child's brain development and affects the brain proper development resulting to lesser brain grey matter volume.
Grey matter is the major component of the central nervous system.
The human brains are fully developed by the age of about 25.
Click the green below to get the art
1 of 6 - Click:
Grey matter
(also in this "Grey Matter" article the facts point out that child abuse leads to lesser brain gray matter in the brains)
2 of 6 Click:
Brain Development
3 of 6- Click: Family Conflicts Can Impair Child's Brain Development: Study
4 of 6- Click the green title below to see the brain images
how family problems in childhood affect brain development
Click: Family Problems In Childhood Affect Brain Development
Research by the University of East Anglia, England, Click: University of East Anglia
5 of 6 - Effects of early-life psychosocial adversities on grey matter volume
Click: Walsh et al.
6 of 6 - Click the green title below:
If the link has expired search he web / NYT with the title
Click: Fathers' Sons and Brothers' Keepers - NYTimes.com
_______________
Little further down is another science article
"How yelling to your child will affect negatively your child development"
Study it and: stop yelling - otherwise you ruin your child's healthy & successful future
AND: Never get physical - it can be a felony crime and you may land in prison
_______________________________________________________________________
If you are in a situation of thinking of separation or divorce,
discuss the situation peacefully (no blaming, no voice raising) with your spouse and show the above list of 14 disasters your children will be facing and discuss the disasters that also you as the separating/divorcing spouses will be facing (listed in this webinar).
If you two have a hard time discussing ask a mutual, trusted friend to function as an umpire to keep peace, love, forgiveness & patience in the meeting. As most people, if you did get married in a traditional manner (explained in this internet seminar in another chapter coming up quite soon below), you had real love between the two of you; real love never dies. Based on that fact you have still a real chance for a better marriage with heavenly happiness when you do not give up and learn to handle marriage issues.
No one is born with that knowledge - everyone has to learn it.
Decide (1) to stay together, decide (2) to go through this internet seminar together in full and decide (3) to apply all what you learn in this seminar.
Every marriage can be healed - that's good news for both spouses and for the children.
Apply the information in this webinar.
If you need additional guidance STAF, Inc. is available to provide guidance as a video conference & counseling via the internet. Your marriage can be healed.
When that has happened your marriage is better than ever before and will be filled with the heavenly happiness.
If you are happily married and you still hold hands and sleep in the same bed,
then study this whole webinar together because it would make both of you work more seriously on your present or future marriage challenges in order to avoid any of these disastrous things to happen to your children & to you both.
If desired, in addition, take STAF, Inc.'s live video-counseling.
By all means:
for (1) your children's and (2) your own best
avoid
any separation
and never get divorced
A better choice
for health & wealth and for (1) your children's and for (2) both spouses'
successful future
is
to heal your marriage
STAF, Inc. WILL guide you and your family to have a new life
STAF, Inc. Saves Lives
___________________________
The Principle of Everyone Has to Learn to Paddle
In the lesson one we had the
Quotation:
"If the family were a boat, it would be a canoe that makes no progress
unless EVERYONE paddles"
Study the above 14 disasters, their additional links and this text with your whole family as a group and
with your children participating.
To all: decide to paddle to the same direction in the river of a successful life.
As often in a divorce situation the mother in most cases gets the custody and even in a shared custody the children mostly stay with the mother and father will be absent from the children's daily life.
That situation has deeply BAD effects on a/the child(ren)'s development.
Do you want to ruin your children's future rather than work out your marriage back to happiness and
cancel all divorce thoughts?
To save your children from serious disasters is, of course, your first choice.
It is easy to realize that your children need continuously a daily contact to both of their parents.
In most cases a divorce is totally unnecessary and wrong and will be hurting enormously everyone involved.
The divorce lawyers are the worst enemies of your and your children's best. So are most court judges - most judges have no clue and hardly any knowledge of what a separation and/or divorce does to the children.
It ruins the children's healthy development and affects negatively their adult life success.
It also affects negatively the divorcing spouses.
The correct thing is to take competent counseling - a competent counselor is a professional who can convince the couple back to a happy marriage and stay together happily ever after. Too many marriage counselors do not know how badly a divorce will (not maybe) harm everyone involved. It ruins the children's future.
This is all assuming that (1) your marriage is based on true, real love an no one is/has been a gold digger AND that you did get married "in the traditional manner" (= met, dated, fell in love, proposal, ring, wedding plan, wedding day).
One of STAF, Inc.'s missions is to get these topics in our school systems handled in all educational levels. Every person has the right to know these facts as they belong among the most important facts in life. Yet, time being, most people have no clue how to be happily married and what serious harm a separation and divorce brings to the children and to the couple.
Here is just one link to study - search more and study to learn the facts:
Click: How Does an Uninvolved Father Affect a Child's Development
This above link is only ONE and a very BRIEF example article (study it now).
Search for more similar article topics (aim to find science studies, not opinions). Study the articles with your spouse and with your children. Discuss the material all as a group - that's a good antidote to a family breakage because everyone will decide to work on staying happily together forever. In these meetings your family union gets stronger. It also guides your children to learn these important topics early in their life for their own future marriage. In addition, because everyone is involved in keeping the family together it will make a difference how everyone is behaving. It helps the children avoid smoking, drinking, drugs & crimes.
When you got married in the traditional manner (as most couples do) you had a REAL love between the two of you.
REAL love NEVER dies, never. Traditional manner: met, dated, fell in love, proposal & ring, wedding plans: this process took months or years and in most cases took quite much money (wedding, etc.). When you were willing to go through all that effort, you must have had a real love between the two of you. Based on the principle of "the real love never dying",
a competent marriage counselor can lead you back to the real love stage. A healed marriage is ALWAYS even happier than it was at the beginning.
Also STAF, Inc.'s specialists, titled Marriage Restorers (TM), are available via live internet counseling sessions to give your real love back to both of you, save you from big trouble and save your present or future children's success in life.
This internet Heavenly Happiness Marriage (TM) seminar alone can give your Marriage Happiness back (when you apply all its info & guidance in your daily family life).
___________________________
Both Spouses
NOTICE:
Worldwide research shows that also both separating/divorcing spouses face
(1) a lower quality life in health, wealth & financial matters,
(2) get more sicknesses,
(3) live a shorter life
? ? ?
Heal your marriage - it can always be done.
Apply the guidance in this webinar
____________________________
Quotation
Quality is never an accident.
It is always the result of intelligent effort.
John Ruskin
click: John Ruskin
At the end of the day, a separation or a divorce will lower the quality of every family members' life and can seriously disturb the children's healthy development.
In most cases they will lower both spouses' quality of life.
By applying the information this seminar provides and by using intelligent effort to make the marriage function well every couple can find the common ground on which to build or rebuild a marriage with heavenly happiness
Is the separation and/or divorce really more important than (1) saving your children's future and (2) saving your own future from all these multiple life-threatening disasters?
.
There is a solution. STAF, Inc. can provide it for you.
Any traditionally started marriage CAN ALWAYS be healed - and once again: the healed marriage is happier than the same marriage ever before.
STAF, Inc. has the knowledge and effective methods for you how to strengthen
your best thing in life -
your marriage with heavenly happiness.
In this world's # 1 free advice website Successo-Pedia©
for all family matters, success, health & wealth
& for the good life
with free Question & Answer service
In this STAF, Inc.'s seminar you will, as a couple & as a family, learn everything you need to have a happy home.
In other tabs in this website you will learn all healthy lifestyle & correct nutrition facts and learn everything else for a successful, financially rewarding life.
Create a weekly family meeting
where everyone (even the toddlers) are present - discuss the material everyone has studied that week and apply the info in your family. Let your children also lead the group (teach how). Your children learn group leading skills and strengthen their self-confidence already at a young age - then they have the courage to lead groups in their school and in their free-time activities at any age. Perhaps one day your child(ren) then have the courage to lead the whole country and be a member of the D.C. elite. These skills with a strong self-confidence carry on to their adulthood and lead to a higher financial success.
Quotation
"A family in harmony will prosper in everything"
Chinese proverb
______________
The principle of
"Getting Married in The Traditional Manner"
explained
The key-term for your lasting marriage happiness
Involve your children to learn human relationships at early age
Start a weekly whole family meeting handling marriage & other topics
Such a meeting will be a powerful improver for strengthening
your family union and any other area of life
Instructions next below
__________
In this STAF, Inc.'s website we often refer to the term
"getting married in the traditional manner".
It means: first you two met, then you started dating, fell in love, proposal, rings, wedding plans, wedding.
This all took some time, it took effort & patience, it took money.
This means "you two had to have REAL LOVE between the two of you" -
otherwise you would not have bothered seeing this much effort.
This process may have taken months or years - the time how long is not the key -
the key is: you had and have the real love between the two of you.
__________________________
The Principle of the Real Love
This is the next key fact
REAL LOVE
NEVER DIES,
never
Quotation
"With true love comes no doubts, no jealousy, and no worries"
(Rity Ghatourev)
Sure you both fell the way the quotation states during your wedding day and may still feel. When you apply the information you and your spouse learn from this advice website, you will every day, forever, feel the same happiness, most likely year after year even stronger & deeper happiness than on your wedding day.
However, research shows: if or when you leave your real love (= separation, divorce) both spouses will create sicknesses, have a shorter life span and suffer lower financial health than you otherwise would. Your children suffer and face 14 life-destroying disasters. The 14 disasters are listed in this tab in several locations - above in this same tab is one list. When you did get married in the traditional manner you will always have real love between the two of you.
Marriages break
because
the spouses never learned the related life skills:
{how to stay happily married & bring blessings to everyone}
and thus, do not know about how to handle the marriage issues.
Good marriage skills
are not given to anyone automatically - they must be learned.
Logically they must be learned before applying for a marriage licence.
Notice: important benefit for the whole family now and in the future:
In your family now, when you take your children with you to the full trip to learn in this internet seminar the
"happy-marriage-skills" and when the children see both of their parents applying the new skills and then succeeding well in their marriage and bringing the new blessings to everyone in your family, they will then apply the same "happy-marriage-skills" in their own marriages already from the first beginning. Finally then, the eternal curse of unhappy marriages is broken and the future generations will be blessed with the same skills.
In a wider scale, STAF, Inc.'s demand is that the new "happy-marriage-skills" must the taught in every school, in every college and in every university.
Based on this internet seminar, STAF, Inc. has developed a new program for teaching the "happy-marriage-skills"
in all our schools.
In this guidance website you and your spouse (and your children for their future) will learn everything you need to keep your marriage filled with heavenly happiness and how to maintain it so that you both can fall every day more & more in love with each other and give a good example to your children for their own marriage.
The Principle of
"The Private Time"
You are married now. If you are still a "newly-wed" couple you spend much time together.
One important thing in every marriage is to give enough private time to your spouse = be alone, go alone, do alone.
That is important also later for the the rest of your life. Talk about these "Private Time" matters and decide together what it all means to both of you and how you are going to make arrangements for your mutual private time. With private time alone you then give enough life & sparks for your time together and your marriage keeps staying filled with the heavenly happiness.
The Principle of
"The Weekly Date Night Together"
A weekly date night together is a must no matter how long you have been married. As newlyweds you probably go out together more often than that - as long as you both agree on the time together.
One important matter that often will lead to a bitter relationship is the time when the first child and the other children come to your family. How is that, you may ask - you both have been eagerly waiting for your first, second, etc. child.
I am sure you have - I have been there myself. BUT: when the children come YOU BOTH will not any more have automatically (as before) so much and perhaps not enough time being together and going out together.
That is why you need to discuss the "Weekly Date Night" topic and decide that you will set that up at the beginning of the week and know then when you will go out to your love date to strengthen your marriage. Then all week you are waiting for that special day with the special moments coming. You both will feel excited of the coming date night - that excitement will make you both show more love to each other during the week.
And that is the first step to misery and a possible start to grow slowly apart and falling into a deeper misery.
It is then important to know that the weekly date night is a MUST because the child(ren) can otherwise take your time 100 % if you let that happen. Then the danger is that you, as a couple, are not investing enough time in each other. Investing too little time to be together, you two alone, will, sooner or later, lead to difficulties.
It is important to know before the children come that YOU need to discuss and recognize, both of you, this topic. I am not guiding you to blame your children for taking so much of their parents' time - I am guiding you to know what you need to do to have a fully happy family and a fully happy marriage.
The children may take so much of your time that you both start growing apart. One day you start asking silently "who is this whom I married - I do not know her/him any more. Is our mutual love dead?"
Know that when you got married in a traditional manner (as most do; traditional = you met, dated, fell in love, proposal, rings, marriage plans) you had REAL, TRUE love between the two of you. How do we know you did?
To bother taking all those steps "getting married in a traditional manner" has taken time, effort & money. To see that much effort you MUST have had REAL, TRUE love between the two of you - otherwise you would not have bothered.
The important statement is: True, real love will NEVER DIE - but to keep the true, real love HOT you must practice the same what you did when you met.
The Principle of Practicing Old-fashioned Courtship
It is important to CONTINUE doing the same things as you did at the beginning
when
you met
=
practice courtship.
It is the continuous courtship that keeps your mutual love alive and hot.
Your weekly date night
is for the courtship purpose.
When the children come and take "all " your time and IF you do not then know that can happen = you are starting to grow apart without the continuous courtship activities.
That is why a weekly date night
is a must
when the children come.
The best and only way is to keep you love relationship hot as it was before you got married. Being married is not the same as being single. When we get married and have children not only do we have to practice ongoing courtship but we all have to also learn to communicate with each other as a couple and as members of our family. The bills, the money, the food, the work, the apartment, the house, the cars, the grandparent, other relatives, etc.
To be happily married is a learned SKILL - no one is born with automatic marriage skills. As children we all do and learn to do what our parents did. Did your parents give a model for a good, happy marriage or the opposite?
Our children do what they see their parents doing - they do not do what we tell them to do.
The happy marriage skills must be taught in every school & college - it is not happening.
We must start doing it - STAF, Inc. has a solution.
About the solution next below.
More detailed activities, as we go forward, how to keep the heavenly happiness in your marriage - all is in this website.
More secrets for your success
below
________________________
New Life
Quotation
"The family is one of nature's masterpieces"
(George Santayana)
Click: George Santayana
Click: The Life of Reason
STAF, Inc.'s demand is
that the principles and skills for a happy marriage, correct, safe child raising & deeply satisfying family life
must be taught
in every school
in the U.S. and worldwide
starting already from the lowest level all the way to the College level.
This is not happening in the U.S. - a big mistake.
In many developed countries these skills are taught in the schools
and it shows in their low divorce numbers.
In addition, broken marriages are
a bigger public economic cost
than is commonly known.
Also the principles for a healthy lifestyle & correct nutrition
must be taught in the same manner in the educational system in all levels.
When these 2 levels of skills have been applied in the modern societies,
the economical savings
are in trillions.
E.g. in the U.S. the yearly saving in the national economy would be in hundreds of billions of dollars - in the same proportions in any nation.
Worldwide much human suffering would be eased and
millions of human lives
could be saved every year.
STAF, Inc. strongly suggests to take these science facts seriously to save your family, to save your children, and to have the heavenly happiness in your marriage by learning & applying the secrets
how to reach & maintain peace in your most important relationship, in your marriage.
Every marriage done in the traditional manner and handled with proper marriage skills & techniques will provide heavenly happiness to both spouses and to the whole family and especially to the children. No one would ever break and leave such a marriage. Would anyone leave the best thing in life? The children born in such a marriage would be growing up as balanced, mentally, emotionally & physically healthy individuals. These skills exist and they can and must be taught in every school.
STAF, Inc. is working on all this to happen and become reality in every school.
All answers to all family & successful, healthy lifestyle topics are in this extensive website. All material in this advice website is built suitable also for College & University degree programs in all degree levels. The same with the material in STAF, Inc.'s TV/Radio Shows (see the tab how to get free College, University & CEU credits, valid worldwide, never expire). Study this whole website material together with your spouse and with your children.
It will take years to go through this whole website but it is worth it.
Seriously - study this whole website material together with all your children as whole family (it will take years but also it takes years to have children growing to adults - so you have all the time needed). When you do that, think what a gift you will give to your children for their human relationships and for their own marriage and for their healthy & financially rich life. Have also the toddlers present and the baby in the family meetings where you handle these topics - all goes in their subconscious minds and stays there for life.
(all babies adopt music & information already in the womb).
Have a weekly study & discussion meeting for the whole family. Everyone reads during the week the same amount of material from this website and then you discuss it in a family meeting (1 - 2 hours) on a day suitable for every family member (e.g. the weather allowing outside in a Sunday pick-nick - have a computer with you). Discuss the topics. Add a variety of topics for the family meetings: not only the marriage material but also nutrition, overweight, smoking, alcohol, drugs, finances, saving, investment, mortgages, technology, ecology etc., etc... - any topic step by step. Then you, slowly but surely, will finally end having for life success a "university level education" from this website material to apply and build a better, healthier richer life for everyone.
Then your children will do better much faster in their own adult lives.
What a blessing.
Quotation
"Knowledge is no power, only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc. CEO)
Make your children shine in rare skills in their school
Give your children knowledge for life in health, happy marriages and
winning in their financial activities
Every family meeting has a chairperson, each time different - then the children learn also those skills and can shine in school with their competence in leading a group discussion or a research project. Your children will learn endless amount of important skills for life-success in your weekly family meetings handling all types of topics necessary for the good life.
Because this website is the World's # 1 free advice website Successo-Pedia© - for all family matters, success, health, wealth & for the good life - Free Question & Answer service,
you never run out of important, beneficial topics.
We all, adults and our youngsters need to learn better life skills and reliable investment techniques.
Learn as a family together how to save, invest and become a (multi-)millionaire-family.
_____________________________________________________
Repetitio est mater studiorum
(Latin)
(Repetition is the mother of study)
In this advice website certain principles are purposely repeated here and there because they form the most important pillars in
your most intimate relationship. Combine the vast information for different situations as you best see it suitable for that specific moment in your own marriage & family. Best would be when both spouses study and practice the guidance together and decide how to modify the details best fit your family's use.
_______________________
Restoring Any Marriage™
Source of happiness
Health & Success
Limbic System
in us all
(the maker or the breaker)
How to avoid arguments
________________________
Basic Advice to be applied already before your wedding day
so you can use this immediately when the first challenge comes
&
For use after the wedding every day and forever as long you live
Study this info with your life partner
Learn & practice this with your partner as soon as you see this website, married or not yet married.
In most marriages already the first week has 2 - 3 arguments. As in health so is it in your marriage: prevention is better than cure. Yet, it is never too late: if you have been married and do have challenges, study this website advice with your spouse and apply & both of you, throw out disaster-bringing habits.
In this website you will learn all you need to have
Heavenly
Happiness in your marriage
Notice: Temporarily, for a technical failure
(is being fixed) forward down the text is missing color and is all in the same (small) font.
Quotation
"Love is blind, hard to find, difficult to get, impossible to forget "
(Unknown)
________________________________________
Energize your love
A spouse, either one, coming home
what is the first thing to do?
- an effective marriage strengthener -
___________________________________
The Principle of
The Drop-Everything-And-Go - The Ten-Second-Kiss or -Hug
When your spouse comes home and you are inside the first thing to do is "to drop everything and go" - go where? To the door to meet him/her and greet sweetly in words (your word choice) and then either give each other a 10-second passionate kiss OR a 10-second passionate hug. But wait: before you kiss or hug: if you have children who can count they come also to greet the incoming parent and the children count "loud" from 1 to 10 while their parents either kiss or hug these 10 seconds. If you can still convince your teenagers to come to the same gang-meeting by the door the better.
If you had this good habit before your children came to your life, then the teenagers would love to be involved because they have been doing it since they were toddlers. What is the point here?
First of all the parent who was home "drops everything and goes" shows to the incoming parent that he/she is valued and loved. When your spouse comes in you must show the respect that he/she is more important than a phone call, a movie, or anything else (within reason) - there sure will be situations when one can not "drop everything and go" but then the sp0use who was home must inform loud enough when he/she will be coming to greet in his/her sweetheart in the sweetest manner. Meanwhile children do the same and when all is ready the 10-second kiss or 10-second hug is counted loud by the children. This strengthens the family union and gives the children a good model for their own love life and their marriage. After the 10 second kiss or hug is over, everyone can hoorraah. Then the parent(s) hug every child the full 10 seconds (as decided together) - this way everyone feel equal. As you all together in your family would agree
(do not force or order this) together, create a brief whole family greeting ceremony for every family member who arrives any other time. If possible have the teenagers involved in this loving greeting process - hug them 10 second, too - but agree with your family members how you handle the greetings - except for the parents the 10-second kiss or hug is a "must".
(this text continues below the quotation)
Quotation
"When you look at your life,
the greatest happinesses are family happinesses"
Joyce Diane Brothers
American psychologist, television personality and columnist
Wrote a daily newspaper advice column from 1960 to 2013
Click: Joyce Brothers
_____________________________________________
(text continues from above the quotation)
The Principle of
How mutual respect between all family members, parents & children,
will help avoid smoking, drinking, substance abuse, bullying, violence and
will bring financial riches and other blessings to the whole family
Not only you as the married couple but also & especially your children will benefit greatly from the strong family unity these tested health, happiness & financial riches bringing techniques will provide
How - read next below
When every family member is greeted and respected equally and in a warm, loving manner, research shows that those children & teenagers are less involved with smoking, drinking, drugs , bullying, too early sex, driving their first car irresponsibly & with other risky behavior outside their home. This is because their positive childhood experiences have guided them to build a stronger self-confidence.
Then, in school & college and finally in their adult lives, the children with a stronger belief in themselves and in their human positive capabilities have the right courage to seek leaders' positions in school, college & in their adult lives. That winning courage will also guide your children to get better-paid professional positions.
If this initial but always important advice is not applied from the beginning of your marriage, habits can easily lead to a wrong, bumpy road where finally in the darkness no one sees that storm blew the safe bridge away and you as a couple may find yourself in a serious disaster situation with no one around throwing you a lifebelt or otherwise rescue you.
As said: it is never too late - start today - make a plan to learn these peace-bringing techniques, apply them and your marriage turns into the biggest gift in your life. Then you get also your work & other challenges solved much more competently and you both become more successful, healthier & financially richer.
The Principle of how to successfully disagree in anything, yet avoid any screaming of fighting
For the married couple the first & most important principle is to decide together:
(1) we, as a married couple will stay together forever and will never get divorced, (2) when some difficulties appear we will discuss the topic peacefully in privacy, (3) holding each other's both hands while discussing, (4) looking at the face and the eyes of my spouse while discussing, (5) stating together: "we two will find together a good solution to this situation without raising our voices and respecting each other's opinions. If needed we both will sleep 1 - 2 nights and discuss again the situation - the peaceful answer will be there."
At the end of this meeting say to your spouse "I am glad I married you (or state the present situation and the future plan) - I promise to stay married forever to you - I know that together we will find the right solution for this situation.
We will always have peace in our marriage."
Both give all these statement holding lovingly each other's hands and looking at the partner's eyes and both mean what you say.Then you hug and kiss and do whatever private may come to your minds.
The Principle of together signing the document of your marriage agreement
AFTER your wedding
A very good idea, after you gather the marriage success advice from this tab and discuss the topics, is to
create together a written document that you both date and sign.
List on that document all mutually agreed steps what you both commit to to avoid arguments - instead discuss the topic(s) peacefully and how you both agree to behave to avoid unreasonable fights or any fights as it would be always better to discuss any situation in a loving, peaceful manner.
One good technique, as presented above (test & practice) - (agree before the problems arrive) - in an arguments both of you to hold each other's hands, keep holding them to the end of the situation and while speaking look at your spouse's eyes. Works well to avoid heated fights.
For any meeting for peace, to avoid any voice raising (not needed) and heated arguments (not needed), keep a copy of the
Standard Marriage Vow (or close by, including in your cars) in front of you to remind to take your marriage, the most important relationship in life, in a serious responsible manner, not ruin it with sarcasm, with the use of irony to mock
or convey contempt, with raised voices, with blames and lack of respect (those are the most common wrong doings - do not use) but show respect, be calm, kind and encourage each other to find a solution to the situation in a polite manner.
Quote
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
The Bible: 1 Corinthians 13:4
Click green
________________________________
Sex life
is part of
a happy & well-functioning
marriage
________________
The Principle of Exiting Sex Life
We all know that openness with your spouse is one key to success in any life topic.
Discuss sex topics together - sometimes it is not easy. All of us will benefit from reading high-quality
books about marital sex topics. If your home town offers lectures in the marital sex topic participate.
Everyone's sex life has some challenges now and then.
The key is to learn to be open and discuss these topics with your spouse.
If you believe you need help visit a professional sex therapist.
All insurance plans should cover for this service.
Click green below for further info
Sex therapy is the treatment of sexual dysfunction, such as non-consummation, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, low libido, unwanted sexual fetishes, sexual addiction, painful sex, or a lack of sexual confidence, assisting people who are recovering from sexual assault, problems commonly caused by stress, tiredness, and other environmental and relationship factors. Sex therapists assist those experiencing problems in overcoming them, in doing so possibly regaining an active sex life.
The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT)
is an organization that oversees clinical training for a sexual health practitioner to become a certified sex therapist (CST).
This next sentence is more like a legal statement: Any licensed mental health counselor can practice sex therapy.
(It is not STAF, Inc.'s statement - it is the medical association statement)
STAF, Inc.'s opinion is that it is much better to see a specialized sex therapist (CTS)
than just any mental health counselor when it comes to handling sex therapy topics.
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________
Guidance for
Marriage with
Heavenly
Happiness
continues
Next:
How to avoid fights and stay safely married
____________
Quotation
"The happiest moments of my life have been the few
which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family"
(Thomas Jefferson)
Click: Thomas Jefferson
3rd U.S. President
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The Principle of
How to Conquer
the Limbic System Animal-Beast
* the maker or the breaker*
-
How to Conquer This Real Beast
_________________
The next topic describes
the animal like behavior based on
the limbic system
in all of us
Most of us do NOT know anything about this beast.
Yet, it is one of the most important
marriage destroying human elements
all of us must know
what it means or can mean
click: Limbic system
* the maker or the breaker*
It is beneficial to study this limbic system and all other info in this tab/page
together with your spouse.
Teach these facts also to your children in your weekly family meetings.
The family meeting instructions are handled in this same tab/page in another location.
When your children know about this limbic beast they can avoid bullying much more effectively and they learn, as you, the parents will learn, how to master our fast anger and expulsive behavior and learn how to master our emotions, stay calm, strong & effective in our communication in a manner that will conquer any obstacle and win any argument in a positive manner without insulting anyone.
As the result the winner will draw positive admiring approval and strong positive attention.
Everyone would like to have such a personality.
You and your children will learn it now here .
A person with this knowledge and these skills will be a chosen leader in any situation.
___________________
"The tongue has the power of success and failure,
and those who love it will eat its fruit."
(The Bible click: Proverbs 18:21)
To know what the limbic system means and what it can can cause in us all and how to avoid the serious challenges it can bring to anyone's marriage is the maker or the breaker.
This topic is perhaps the most important topic to learn to know and handle in order to have a happy, heavenly marriage - the best thing in our human life.
You as a married couple NEED to know the facts relating our limbic system to avoid serious mistakes.
Left uncontrolled it can mean anything - just anything crazy, violent, killings, just name it.
Fortunately, there is a way of avoiding the destroying challenges in can cause.
It is the animal like "fight & run" atavistic*) instinct in all of us and it "sleeps"
in our limbic system.
*) atavistic = relating to or characterized by reversion to something ancient or ancestral
ancestral = of, belonging to, inherited from ancestors
ancestor= the actual organism from which later kinds evolve
FIRST: study together with your spouse what atavistic limbic system in ALL of us is - study the links and the chapters relating to this topic in this page above and below, click the internet links given and search additional information from the internet as you see would be needed.
Do not blame your spouse for having the limbic system - we humans all have it
- it is just how we control it
or if it controls us - it is everyone's own choice.
The best way to control it is
(1) to know it exists in all of us, (2) what it is and what it can cause, (3) how anything bad can happen if left uncontrolled.
Next lines below will tell you in details this potentially one of the most dangerous element in all humans, element most people do not know about and do not know what it can cause.
Why do we humans raise our voices, get angry, lose our temper, call names, scream, do wrong things, get violent, even take weapons and kill in their rage - even though they did not plan for it or did not even think of anything related?
This now refers to a heated argument situation - if someone gets out of control, starts behaving like an animal with a "hit & run" instinct, gets violent or kills someone and does any of that without any preset plan then this is a different situation than when a mentally disturbed individual starts planning mass shooting to kill tens or more people.
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IMPORTANT
The limbic system (in a heated argument) is an atavistic animal instinct,
which in out-of-control behavior
kicks in first
before
any reasoning, more developed human brain parts kick in.
This limbic behavior stays "uncontrolled" on up to about 30 painful minutes
AND then,
after the 30 minutes,
the more intelligent, reasoning parts in us humans starts dominating
and gives us
a healthy control based on our human intelligence.
When we know:
this can & will happen,
then we know that it all can be controlled by us and us alone & we can have peace latest after those 30 minutes.
Then, based on this experience & knowledge we may have a probable possibility, sooner or later, to be strong enough to quiet our atavistic beast in the first place before that beast starts ripping off our understanding how to control our hot, blind, emotions.
_________________________________
The Principle of how to successfully survive
a heated argument
both of you still smiling in love afterwards
Next below the solution how to stay safe and how to save your marriage
and: this must be done every time a heated argument is about to start
UNTIL YOU BOTH FOR SURE KNOW
that you have learned how to calm down immediately,
and you are stronger than the limbic beast
stay calm and continue politely & respectfully together, without any raised voices or finger pointing, solving the topic to every family member's best. In this calm negotiation situation it would be beneficial
(1) to hold each other's hands and (2) look into each other's eyes
(hard to fight or argue while doing those 2 things)
(both of you must study this - best to study this together)
For the first 30 minutes:
(1) both arguing parties stop arguing and walk calmly & quietly out in a different directions -
both stay apart for 30 minutes (in another room, outside....).
(2) After 30 minutes both spouses/partners come back - both apologize to each other for being impatient (no matter who is guilty - most likely both are). When you both walk away it tells to both of you that not one is guilty for the situation but "it takes two to tango" - when both do the same thing(s), the subconscious mind of both spouses tell "we are both in the same boat" - both equally guilty or equally not guilty = no reason to argue an additional issue "who..." - both did.... or did not.
The point is not who is guilty, the point is, after 30 minutes you both are now calm and can continue your discussion in a peaceful manner & by holding each other's hands and looking at each other's eyes in a loving manner. After these 30 minutes apart, in both of you, the more developed part of your brains have kicked in and makes it possible for both of you to see that arguing & losing one's temper leads nowhere good.
In any discussion at any time (before the limbic system kicks in and rips your human intelligent temporary off) when you both or one of you can detect that this may lead into an argumental fight, suggest to your partner to hold each other's hands and looking into each other's eyes and then continue discussion the topic.
Then you will avoid any heavy arguing & avoid voice raising because you both see that this is funny - no need to fight - we can talk peacefully - that leaves somewhere better. (You had, among the first things in your relationship, agreed together to hold the hands and have the eye contact when sensing some argumental air. Agree on this again, now.)
We humans have an atavistic (= relating to or characterized by reversion to something ancient or ancestral also called the animal instinct fight of run) behavior.
This is important to know and when the above guidance is applied one can actually discuss politely & calmly without raising one's voice and avoid doing other crazy things.
"The tongue has the power of life and death…"
(The Bible: Proverbs 18:21 NIV)
Once more and with additional science details as this can be
"the maker of the breaker"
When we get angry
the limbic system (which is the area of the brain that regulates emotion and memory)
will turn itself on as the dominating process.
click: Limbic system
_____________
Old Wisdom
"We cannot put out fire with more fire"
______________________________________
The Limbic System is the area of the brain that regulates emotion and memory.
It directly connects the lower and higher brain functions. It influences emotions, the visceral*) responses to those emotions, motivation, mood, and sensations of pain and pleasure. *) visceral = coming from strong emotions and not from logic or reason =
not intellectual, unreasoning, dealing with crude or elemental emotions, visceral, viscera = the internal organs in the main cavities of the body, esp. those in the abdomen, e.g., the intestines.
When arguments (heated) come, the human limbic system kicks on first and stays on 30 minutes until the more developed brain parts start dominating. During the first minutes anything bad, crazy, sick, out of any reasonable dimensions can happen: violence, killings, etc. - just imagine, anything.
The more undeveloped the mind of the person is the less there is any reason and intelligence in the action.
The limbic system is not a mental sickness - it just is the atavistic part in every human's brains.
In all of us:- in you, in your spouse & in your children and in every human being on this earth.
Knowing these facts will help us all to avoid getting overly angry or start behaving in a mentally or physically violent manner.
Every relationship needs work - nothing in life is rewarded without first learning how to get the reward. To have a good profession to support our financial needs we all have to first study how to handle that profession
in order to get the rewards.
The same it is with the relationship. In order to reap the heavenly happiness everyone wants in a marriage one has to learn the principles how to function in the relationship to get the desired reward.
It is amazing that these skills are not taught to everyone in our schools even though a marriage is our basic institution to raise the next generation. No one can be born to know how to handle the marriage & child raising work well without learning the necessary facts first. Yet, we blindly expect that everyone can.
One of STAF, Inc.'s mission plans is to have every person learning all marriage happiness & child raising skills
in our schools.
This seminar teaches all necessary basic skills.
_________________________________
One way to forgive to your partner is
The Principle of The Unsent Letter
This is something you can do alone.
When something bothers you and you cannot take the matter up at that moment with your spouse (or you are not sure if you can take it up in a "peaceful manner"), write a letter to your spouse, put all your "anger" in that letter and then NEVER give the letter to your spouse.
Like a miracle your anger will be gone and then you can take the same matter (if it is still worth that effort; often it might not after the unsent angry letter) up to a peaceful discussion with you spouse. When you have found your peace after writing the unsent angry letter, then rip the letter in pieces and throw in the garbage in a manner that your spouse (or anyone else) will never see it. You may need one hour, a day or two, to be ready to destroy your unsent angry letter. Because your anger is in that letter you do not need to show anger to your spouse or to anyone else.
It works and you learned that your anger was only a temporary attack by your limbic beast.
However, if the topic is worth to take up for discussions, now you can do it successfully because you anger is gone with the unsent angry letter.
We all must learn that good results can come in any discussion only when both parties are peaceful and can understand the pure facts without being blinded by the beast.
If you are angry with anyone else, a friend or any other person, you can use the unsent angry letter to get rid of your limbic beast. Then you can have a renewed peaceful relationship with anyone you were first angry with.
Click below the link to read how many famous individuals have been using and are using the same principle of the unsent angry letter.
That includes Presidents and other well-known individuals.
If the link has expired search the article in The New York Times with the title "The Lost Art of The Unsent Angry Letter"
Click: The Lost Art of the Unsent Angry Letter
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The Principle of Applying
all guidance you see in this advice website
IN CASE YOU do not apply these marriage strengthening techniques,
sooner or later you need
a divorce lawyer and then it may be too late - that may be the worst of all & it can ruin everyone's life including your children's lives. No one wants that.
Quote
"At the end of the day,
a loving family should find everything forgivable"
Modified from the proverb
"Don’t let the sun go down before you have dealt with the cause of your anger"
(The Bible - click: Ephesians 4:26)
However, we at STAF, Inc. believe
"It is never too late, where there is a will, there is a way".
No need to ruin your marriage -
your marriage is meant for both of you as the best thing in life.
It is the very best thing in life when
you apply all this and other info you will find in this STAF, Inc.'s extensive website, or hear in STAF, Inc.'s Radio/TV Shows (see tab: TV/Radio Shows - original recordings and most show texts on the internet 24/7 - Listeners/Watchers of these shows will/can get CEU, College & University Credits, all free and valid worldwide, never expiring - registration needed: see Radio/TV Show tab for instructions.
If you two or one of you have hard time learning to "behave", go TOGETHER (not just the person showing negative, wrong behavior) to a competent counselor. Please: go together - otherwise the message is "you are wrong, I am right" and that is a wrong way to aim to solve challenges. Together at least at the beginning - later some therapists give separate sessions (STAF, Inc. is not a big fan of the "separate session" practice - marriage is a union of two, both are causing challenges, never one alone (if you got married in a traditional manner).
STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restorers™
are among the most experienced nationwide & worldwide
With the modern technology counseling can be streamed (safe for privacy) to any place nation/world-wide live from and to STAF, Inc.'s office - saves your time & money plus: STAF, Inc. has a sliding scale and STAF, Inc. gives, as the only service giver nationwide/worldwide, a lifetime result guarantee with a one-time fee only.
One-time fee means: at the beginning it is estimated how many sessions are needed to get the desired results for you and based on that estimate the total fee for the service is decided (the fee then can be paid in full or based on a payment plan). Most therapists give service without any end - STAF, Inc. does not because already at the beginning you will know (1) the total cost and (2) the total time involvement. STAF, Inc. services save your money & time, yet the results are guaranteed for a lifetime (no one else does). In addition, STAF, Inc. uses University degree teaching level as your home work (all meant to save your time & money). STAF, Inc. will get the results, as long you (1) did get married in the traditional manner, and
(2) at least one of the two of you wants to save the marriage. Noticed? For STAF, Inc. counselors it is enough if only one spouse wants to restore the marriage. Like "magic" STAF, Inc. can guide both wanting the marriage to be restored.
STAF, Inc.'s advice is:
heal your marriage, when you got married in the traditional manner you had true love between the 2 of you. True love never dies - based on this fact it is wise to heal the marriage, forgive and restore the marriage.
A healed, restored marriage is happier than the time of your wedding day.
STAF, Inc.'s advice: heal your marriage with STAF, Inc.'s competent professionals. You can come personally to our office or you can do it with the modern technology no matter where you live in this world. Live sessions can be safely streamed and the results are worth it. SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE - FORGIVE - STAF, Inc, can do it for you. The saved, healed marriage is the best thing in your life and it also saves your children from serious challenges.
If you are practicing Christian Religion and desire to live by the Bible,
see what The Bible says about divorce:
Basically The Bible states:
God hates divorce - we are meant to be married to the same person until we drop dead. We are allowed to divorce if the one spouse is guilty of fornication - that's all. But: it is better to forgive and the guilty one has to stop fornicating. No one is perfect. A healed marriage is a bigger blessing and a source of even deeper happiness than the same marriage before. Decide to be married for life to the same person - that is practical and wise. When you tied your knot in the traditional manner, you had real love between the two of you. Real love never dies. If you leave your real love, it does not give you peace: you will always feel guilty for leaving something that precious as real love. That guilt will make you physically, emotionally & mentally more or less sick and you suffer the rest of your life. THEN I ask: would it be wiser to forgive, keep your real love & leave happily ever after. I guarantee, this is how it works - several research articles worldwide prove the same fact: a fact is a fact is a fact.... is a fact. Stay married to your spouse, learn to forgive, earn happiness & peace both of you and enjoy the heavenly love, and; one more important blessing: your children will copy your wisdom in their own marriages.
Search and study different links with the keywords:
What does The Bible say about divorce
Have The Bible as your source,yes: The Bible text and not just someone's comment or opinion about the text.
See what The Bible says in its original God-inspired text and trust that as your guide.
Then you, your spouse & your children reap the Heavenly Blessing The Bible promises in God's word.
In case you have some other religion
Do the same and study what that religion's Holy Book tells to do
Search the internet for the answer
______________________________
Next additional information how to keep your marriage as the best thing in your life
__________________ NEXT _______________________
The Principle of
A Weekly Date Night
very important
and especially important
when you are married & have children
_________
The Principle of
The Private Time
for Both Spouses
Both important KEYS to marriage happiness
_____________________________________
A Weekly Date Night
Before you have children you two have enough time to invest in each other and your original love stays strong.
You go out often and do things together and all works well.
Notice: There is also the opposite of the "being together"; the private time for both spouses - the time when both of you need to be alone, go alone where ever you want.
Discuss this "private time" together before you go forward in this advice article. Discuss and agree on your mutual "rules" for your spousal private time alone whatever the reason - agree that there is no need even to tell "why" - just agree that it is enough when one says "I need/want to be alone, I need/want to do this alone, I need/want to go there alone, etc." then the private time is provided without any argument or discussion
(this creates mutual trust - but remember: never abuse that trust, never raise your voice, never criticize,
never call names....).
Back to the beginning of the marriage and before the children come ......
Before the babies come you have more time for sex and you are less tired. When the children come, things change and that is a big challenge. Most couples do not know the challenge your children (even the first one alone) can put on your love relationship. Things start going slowly but surely to a wrong direction. It is not that you do not love your child(ren) - you surely do - they are the best mutual gifts in your marriage. It is not that you do not love your spouse. It is not that your original love is dead - no; real love never dies. It is because the child(ren) take much time, they could use your time 24/7. You both love your children - then your "love quota" gets full and sometimes burdensome. As the result you do not have enough time to be together and nurture the marital love passion in each other. Sometimes you are even too tired to have sex. All these "not having enough time together" can turn into a habit leading to a situation that both spouses start forgetting how good their love passion used to be and you start asking yourself "who is that stranger walking around" - and things get more awkward finally leading to difficulties in your marriage and in your love relationship.
Most couples do not know that "the weekly date night" is a must to keep your love relationship passionate.
THEN: it is a must to have a weekly date night with your partner without any exception
(movie, show, dinner - safe, reliable baby sitter at home - the grandparents are the best babysitters - next best is to exchange babysitting services with your neighbor family, the third best ... is always more risky).
The weekly date night is your romantic time, only the 2 of you
- it reminds you both how much you love each other.
NOTICE:
Without the weekly date night
your chances to stay happily married for a lifetime are close to zero;
You must nurture your mutual romantic love feelings - the reward will be worth it -
the reward is priceless: Heavenly Happiness in your love relationship (even your children benefit from it).
If you do not have this - your marriage is in trouble
- a weekly a romantic date night is a must.
__________________________________________
Only if you both agree you can take a copy of the Marriage Vows
below with you to your weekly date night and go it through together both of you giving your vows to each other based on this Marriage Vows text. It creates miracles - saves marriages - saves suffering - saves money - saves your children - be a newly-wed couple every week again and again -
Please be careful with this Marriage Vows repeating routine - test it and do only what you both agree - if your tests show e.g. doing it weekly is "too much", then see how you both feel when doing it e.g. once a month = in every 4th of your date nights. It is not meant to be a routine "burden". If you do it e.g. once a month, create something extra for that weekly date night.
Re-living your marriage vows is meant to make your union stronger.
To repeat the marriage vow is meant to inspire and invigorate & add life and energy in your marriage.
Test it out and see how you both best can apply its powerful energizing effect.
Principle of re-living your wedding day
and renewing your mutual wedding vows once a year
However, this next re-living action
is a must
Once a Year,
on your anniversary, re-live your wedding day
and go through the marriage vows ceremony
with your friends, family, children etc. present as the witnesses - have the Pastor/Rabbi/Minister or any marriage administrator present doing all as if it wear a real marriage. Yearly done as long as you both live this action is a real powerful love relationship improver. Serve something festive or simple according to your financial situation or ask your guest bring wine, beer, champagne, food or create otherwise a festive situation. Re-living your marriage vows is a must to do once a year - it creates miracles in your marriage.
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STANDARD MARRIAGE VOWS
Copy & Paste for printing
As the title below states "Standard....."
If you are a member of a religious community & if you so desire, type, before printing, your religious marriage vow statement in the standard form in a place you like it fits best. If needed search the internet for that statement, or call your church leader for the vow info.
The standard form below has a sentence "Will you love and comfort him/her, honor and keep him/her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?"
This is almost the same info as is in many religious vows.
E.g., in Christianity a common addition is
"Let no human put apart what God has joined together today."
STANDARD MARRIAGE VOWS
My friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and
beauty of committed marital love, and to add our best wishes to the words which shall unite
(Groom’s First Name)_____________________________________________________________________
and (Bride’s First Name) __________________________________________________________________
in marriage.
(OPTIONAL): Who gives this woman to be married to this man?
The commitment that the two of you are about to make is the most important commitment that two people can make, you are about to create something new, the marriage relationship, an entity that never ends. As you stand here today, are you now prepared to begin this commitment to one another? (I am) Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage? (I have)
(Groom’s First Name)_________________________ and (Bride’s First Name)____________________________
I would ask that you both remember to treat yourself and each other with dignity and respect; to remind yourself often of what brought you
together today. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your marriage deserves. When
frustration and difficulty assail your marriage - as these do to every relationship at one time or another - focus on what still seems right between you, not only the part that seems wrong. This way, when clouds of trouble hide the sun in your lives and you lose sight of it for a moment, you can remember that the sun is still there. And if each of you will take responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.
(Groom’s Full Name)___________________________will you have this woman to be your wedded wife?
(I will)
Will you love and comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?
(I will)
(Bride’s Full Name_______________________________ will you have this man to be your wedded husband?
(I will)
Will you love and comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live? (I will)
Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent (before these witnesses) by repeating after me:
I, (Groom’s First Name)________________________
take you (Bride’s First Name)_________________________
to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in
health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.
(Groom places ring on Bride’s finger and repeats after Judge)
(Bride’s First Name)____________________________take this ring as a sign of my commitment and fidelity to you.
I, (Bride’s First Name)_______________________ take you (Groom’s First Name)_______________________
to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.
(Bride places ring on Groom’s finger and repeats after Judge) (Groom’s First Name)_________________________
take this ring as a sign of my commitment and fidelity to you.
(Groom’s First Name)__________________________and (Bride’s First Name)___________________________,
in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in Matrimony, have promised your commitment to each other by these vows, (and) the joining of your hands (and the giving of these rings), by the authority vested in me by the State of (your state), I now pronounce you Husband and Wife.
Congratulations, you may kiss your bride.
May I present to you Mr. and Mrs. ______________________________________________
Quotation
Patience with family is love - Patience with others is respect - Patience with self is confidence - Patience with God is faith.
(Unknown)
Copy & paste for printing (Marriage Vows)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
____________________________
Quote
"Family is the foundation of American life.
If we have stronger families, we will have a stronger America"
(President Bill Clinton)
Click: Bill Clinton
____________________________________________________
The better future principle in this internet Marriage & Family Success Seminar
The Principle of continuous Learning
for a happy, forever-lasting marriage, for a brilliant family raising successful children, for a financially richer life (become a multi-millionaire?) and for a healthier, longer life with less or no sicknesses
All material in this seminar is based on the most recent science
& is suitable for the use in the College & University level education
for all degree levels: Associate, B.A., M.A., Ph.D.
Legal warning:
To copy any part of this advice website
is permitted only under certain circumstances
For info go to the end of the Home page
________________________
The End
Section one
_____________________________
_____________________________
The Beginning
Section two
of the internet seminar
"How to have a lasting marriage
filled with the Heavenly Happiness"
or
Eat the BEAST first
before the BEAST eats you
(refers to the limbic system inside us all)
click: Limbic system
___________________________________
This advice website page continues below
with hundreds of successful family and happy marriage related articles.
Your family, as every family nationwide & worldwide,
needs the information in all articles below in this page.
Your marriage is for life so is fueling your mind with positive ideas and
results-bringing techniques to keep your most important relationship in life,
your precious, beautiful marriage rewarding and filled with heavenly happiness.
STAF, Inc.'s internet seminars and other learning services will secure your personal success
in your bond for life.
Study all section 2 articles below together with your spouse & with your children
in your weekly family study group
and
apply the information.
Quotation
"Knowledge is no power, only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc. President)
________________________
For your study group
(1) Give a inspiring name to your study group;
(2) Register your study group with STAF, Inc. and the World's #1 Advice Website Successo-Pedia©
(3) Forward to STAF, Inc.your (3.1) group a name, (3.2) your contact information (= email ) - give an email that can be publicly listed, (3.3) how many members, (3.4) are your children in the group (how many + their ages), and (describe your study group goal (3.5) (4) Contact STAF, Inc. & The advice website Successo-Pedia© via this email: [email protected]
STAF, Inc. will forward your related information, answer all your questions and keep you updated with new events, seminars, meetings, inventory, work opportunities etc. nationwide & worldwide.
Your study group can be located nationwide or worldwide anywhere. Our official language is English.
_____________________
The Principle of Continuous Learning
- The better future principle in this internet Marriage & Family Success Seminar -
Everyone's life needs continuous learning - the key to keep your mind sharp &
to avoid dementia and Alzheimer's.
After your study group has finished the section 2 articles you probably want to continue with seminars for other life success topics. STAF, Inc. will deliver to you list of other webinars, internet seminars, and a list of live seminars , or other events in several refreshing resorts
or other uplifting locations.
________________________________________
All material in this advice website is based on the most recent science
& is suitable for the use in the College & University level education
for all degree levels: Associate, B.A., M.A., Ph.D.
Legal warning:
To copy any part of this advice website
is permitted only under certain circumstances
For info go to the end of the Home page
________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
Section 2
The Family & Marriage tab
Restoring Any Marriage© - RAM©
continues here
with related information using
a broad focus
of all types of articles relating to your marriage, relating to your family, to your babies, toddlers & children of any age, relating to food & nutrition, to health & healthy lifestyle, to family finances, and everything else relating to a married life with or without children
_________________________________________________
Article 1 of hundreds to come below
Single-Parent Household
Linked to Hypertension in Offspring
New Science info 2013
Click green for further info
A new study of black men suggests that
living with both parents in childhood
reduces the risk
for high blood pressure in adulthood.
Previous studies have found an association of hypertension with childhood poverty, but this analysis,
Click: published online in Hypertension,
is the first to find
a link between
high blood pressure and a childhood spent
in a single-parent household.
Researchers studied 515 black men older than 20 between 2001 and 2008. More than half of the men had high blood pressure and about one-third never lived with both parents. After adjusting for age, family history of hypertension and other variables, they found that compared with men who never lived with both parents, men who had lived with both parents at any time in their lives had an average systolic blood pressure that was 4.9 millimeters of mercury lower. Among those who had lived with both parents for between one and 12 years, the average was 6.5 millimeters of mercury lower.
The authors acknowledge that living with both parents may be connected to higher socioeconomic status, which could influence blood pressure, and that the study can draw no conclusions about causality.
Still, the lead author, Debbie S. Barrington, a senior research fellow at the click: National Institute on Minority Health and Health Disparities, said it is a provocative finding. “The magnitude of the effect is very large,” she said, “even stronger than the effect of certain blood pressure medications.”
Source: click: published online in Hypertension
Click for online magazine: Hypertension
See the list next below relating to this above article
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See an article next above relating to # 13 on the list below
IMPORTANT INFO
14 disasters every child is facing
in a separation & divorce
STAF, Inc. saves lives
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Study this list of the 14 terrible life-destroying disasters
a parental separation or a divorce will cause
(1) to your children & (2) to you, the parents
All of these 14 disasters are based on the most recent science
The separating or divorcing spouses will experience
(1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and
(2) to added financial difficulties.
Every child experiencing a parental separation or divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here:
(1) overall increased risks to health & welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) Highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
(13) Serious high blood pressure challenges in his/her adult years
when growing up in single-parent family (14) Children's obesity rate rises 104 % with parents' divorce
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Notice:
Relating to the above "list of 14" it is interesting to also know:
(1) if the other spouse for any reason dies before the children are adult and the children grow up with only one parent,
these 14 life-destroying disasters seem not to happen to the children,
(2) they happen in a separation or divorce situation.
What do you think the reason(s) might be for that phenomenon?
A little down in this page is an article titled
A Special New York City story - bravery with a lot of courage
College, Not Just for Himself, but for His Son
What do you think, will the child face these 14 disasters in his situation?
We'd like to hear your opinion
Email your opinion to: [email protected]
By all means: avoid any separation and never get divorced
By getting separated or divorced your child(ren) will be facing more or less of these life-destroying challenges - is this what you want to your child(ren)?
Heal your marriage - It can be done - STAF, Inc. will help.
Just alone to apply the information in this guidance website you can heal your marriage.
If you need further help, contact STAF, Inc. - we will help.
Contact info in the home page.
By all means: avoid any separation and never get divorced
A better choice for health & wealth and for your children's successful future is
to heal your marriage - STAF, Inc. WILL guide you and your family to have a new life. ___________________________
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How to Clean Baby Bottles
Q: How often should baby bottles be washed and/or sterilized between feedings?
A: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that a baby bottle be washed after every feeding with hot water and soap, then allowed to dry thoroughly.
This helps prevent the growth of bacteria, which thrives in water or leftover milk.
Click: American Academy of Pediatrics
While your mother and grandmother may have used boiling water to sterilize baby bottles, doctors say there is no longer a need to do this. They now say that if your water is safe enough to drink, it’s safe enough for cleaning.
Bottles can be washed by hand or in the dishwasher, as long as they are dishwasher-safe. And make sure to wash your hands before feeding a baby with a bottle.
Also, bottles should be free of the estrogen mimicking chemical click: bisphenol A, more commonly known as BPA.
In 2012, the click: Food and Drug Administration banned its use in baby bottles and cups. The F.D.A. said that it had “some concern about the potential effects of BPA on the brain, behavior and prostate gland of fetuses, infants and children.”
To find out more about washing baby bottles and for a brief history of infant feeding, which includes the use of a pickled cow’s nipple about a century ago, watch the video.
Source: NYT/WELL
Click: American Academy of Pediatrics
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About how the toddlers learn - Important info - apply
To Smoosh Peas Is to Learn
to smoosh = squash, crush, or flatten
In a study published in Developmental Science Developmental Science,
16-month-old children were taught new names for foods like jelly and syrup, then tested to see if they could connect those names with the foods when they were presented in different colors and shapes.
The conclusion? The toddlers learned better if they had, shall we say, interacted vigorously with the original samples — in other words, had played with their foods.
The study was widely picked up by media outlets, and headlines trumpeted that a toddler’s propensity toward mealtime mess might actually be a sign of intelligence (a media trope not unlike the periodic celebration of the messy desk and the creative adult mind). On some level, it would seem, we are all very ready to cheer for the child with a face well covered in chocolate pudding.
But the experiment brings up a number of interesting questions about how children learn, about the role of play and exploration. And maybe even about table manners.
The psychologists who did this research were interested in the question of how babies learn about “nonsolid” objects. “We had noticed in our lab work before that children are much better at learning names for new solid objects that they didn’t know before,” said Lynn Perry, now a postdoctoral research associate at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, and lead author of the study.
Since solid objects have fixed characteristics, it’s relatively easy for a toddler to figure out what makes a cup, ball or chair. “It’s harder for them to learn the names of nonsolids,” Dr. Perry said. “You can’t just look and know what it is. You have to use your senses and explore a little more.”
The researchers reasoned that children’s most regular context for exploring nonsolid substances comes at mealtime, and that putting them in highchairs might help them learn the names of such substances. In fact, children sitting in highchairs did learn better in the study.Parents were also asked to describe their toddlers’ usual behavior at meals at home, and each child was scored for messiness. “It was the ones who were messy at home who, when we put them in the highchair in the lab, showed the best learning,” said Larissa Samuelson, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Iowa, who supervised the research.
So the messy eater experiment is really about the developing brain, and the cues and contexts that small children need to create lexical categories — everything covered by a particular word — a challenge especially when the category is not defined by a shape. The children who squidged (= squeeze; To squash, most often between one's fingers)
around in the cream of wheat, tasted it, smeared it, did various unmentionable things with it — they were the children who understood what cream of wheat was. They could identify it even if it came in a different shape and was doctored with green food coloring. The messy eater experiment is also about play, and the way that children explore their worlds and learn as they go. Toddlers play with their food because toddlers play with their worlds. And by playing and exploring, they accumulate all kinds of data, which helps them put together a picture and a vocabulary for the world around them.
“They literally taste the world by putting things in their mouths, by making them make their sounds, shaking them,” said Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, a professor of education at the University of Delaware and co-author of “A Mandate for Playful Learning in Preschool.”“Didactic information just falls flat,” she said. “They have to figure out for themselves, and the only way they can do this is by messing around.”Some experts worry that in a world of sophisticated digital entertainments, children may find fewer opportunities to create their own explorations. And we might wonder whether real-life investigations seem more obtrusive or chaotic to parents accustomed to their children’s virtual messing around.
But mealtime will always offer opportunities to explore. “These simple everyday activities like eating that we might take for granted, for the child really are rich sources of information,” Dr. Perry said.
I once worked in a clinic for young children who weren’t gaining weight — in pediatrics, the syndrome is called failure to thrive. Some of the parents had come through refugee camps and times of great hardship, and the sight of a small child “wasting” food by playing with it was very disturbing. We took those concerns seriously, with strategies to allow the children to handle their own food and feed themselves without it looking like too much food was being wasted, and that helped with nutritional intake.
So we can celebrate the sophisticated science that toddlers learn in their highchairs, matching new substances to those they have already encountered. “Babies are learning through their play and their exploration, and they can build on that for subsequent learning,” Dr. Samuelson said.
Still, I can’t leave this subject without a word about table manners. Sixteen-month-olds are too young for those lessons, but at a certain developmental point, you come out of the highchair and join those around the table — in exchange for giving up some of the messier mealtime pleasures.
So maybe we should consider manners and polite behavior the ultimate nonsolids for children to identify and master, new real-life learning opportunities that arise when families gather at the table.
Click green for further info
Source: Developmental Science
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The Baby & Childcare in the U.S. and Worldwide
Lacks Proper Training
Risking The Lives of Thousands of the U.S. Babies
and Millions of Worldwide
The text by Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., D.D. (STAF, Inc.'s founding President)
STAF, Inc. has a solution to this situation
This is an important topic for anyone in the U.S. nationwide and
in any country worldwide
This information saves lives - in thousands every year in the U.S. and in millions worldwide
Multigenerational Household
is a good solution to the childcare problem - it saves lives, saves money
Study the 2 articles next below
The next article below this childcare article shows a new trend in the U.S. & also worldwide:
The father often stays home full-time when the mother is the only breadwinner.
This is because in some family situations the mother may be earning (much) more income than the father.
Both parents can sure be equally good or equally bad baby care takers
depending if they have or do not have any needed, related training.
Just to be alive and an adult is not enough to be capable of handling a baby,
or a toddler or an older child or guiding a teenager. We humans are not born with the caretaker's automatic skills - the skills must be learned based on the facts not in any possible harmful family traditions or fiction.
More knowledge & training is needed.
STAF, Inc. has been working on these important issues
already for a few years
and has developed certain guidelines to solve this important situation
Competent level of training and other good solution models for the baby/child care arrangements have been existing in Europe for some time especially in the Scandinavian countries: Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark. These countries are among the most emancipated (= liberated) countries. E.g. when a baby is born, either parent can decide to stay home full-time to take care of the baby and get full pay for several months and stay even longer
(with or without pay) and then return to the same job (all based on their legislation). In case both parents want to keep working, the Scandinavian and most other European countries have free daycare centers with teachers of university level training.
The U.S. lacks very much behind.
STAF, Inc. supports the Scandinavian/European model because it gives the baby a better chance to develop in a healthy, safe manner.
The best guardian for any baby is one of their parents WHEN the parent is given some basic training in the topic.
In Europe these skills are taught in schools, in the U.S. mostly not. In general, especially in the U.S. (where the home care services are often of low quality) the parents leave the baby care in the hands of a low-trained or a no-trained person thus risking the baby's safety. Most baby caretakers have no clue how to handle the baby. Nor do the parents themselves often have any knowledge because no training is given in the public or in private schools in these topics. (Some exceptions among the U.S. school exist.) Because of the lacking training we now and then see in the news how the baby care taker (or even a parent) accidently killed the baby - all because of lack of training and/or lack of knowledge what a baby needs, how to handle a baby, etc. It is not enough just to be a walking adult and qualify for handling babies and children and their needs.
We are not born with those skills. They must be learned.
In many European countries and especially in the Scandinavian countries the baby care takers have completed a several-year long University level training with a B.A. or M.A. degree - the same level as any teacher would have. For the U.S. and worldwide STAF, Inc. demands better, wider & higher-level training and tighter licencing screening for any person who is allowed to take care of any baby or a child. The risks are too high. Just any parent does not know how to take care of a bay - but at least in a parent there are stronger love-bonds (which can make the care more reliable) between the baby and his/her natural parent.
In the same way any babysitter (often a teenager) must have a brief training how to handle a baby or any child to avoid accidents and avoid raged temper. A few hour training + licencing is better than no training.
Also, IF and when a parent stays home to take care of the baby, we must have a few hour training to both parents (in the hospital where the baby was born) how to feed & handle the baby BEFORE releasing the baby home.
This is because too often the limbic rage in any human being can harm the baby and even accidently kill.
click: Limbic system
A person just being the parent often have no clue how to handle, feed & clean the baby - how could any - and accidents can happen. E.g. most people do not know that if one even lightly shakes the baby the baby's still soft brains bang the skull and the brain damage can be a life-long condition. Even the death can result in such a situation. Yet, in many countries, and even in the developed U.S. the knowledge demanding baby care is left just to anyone's hands. That's is very wrong.
For the safety of our babies STAF, Inc. demands that competent, brief training (1) for happy marriages,
(2) for baby/child/teenager care. The related topics must be taught in every school and repeat in every College before graduation because every citizen, every person needs to be prepared to have these skills.
In addition the proper training must be developed for certifying competent professionals for these topics.
When writing this text this is not happening in the U.S. and not in many other developed countries either.
STAF, Inc. demands that our federal U.S. legislation must be created in a way that a parent CANNOT just leave a baby or a child in anyone's care who has no training in baby/child care . The very minimum would be a government proved reliable list of facts to go through together with the parent and with the temporary, short-term baby/child watcher. A federally accepted checklist of the "ABC"s of what to and what not to do with a baby or a child. The same checklist should be distributed to every home and by law state its visibility in every home for the parents and everyone else's use.
These are basic ideas - but these actions must be taken and federal laws developed to save human lives. Thousands of babies and children die every year in the U.S. alone (then add the worldwide numbers) because of the lack of knowledge in baby & child care. One baby to die is too many when the baby died because of this lacking basic information in the U.S. and still in most countries worldwide. In the undeveloped countries the situation is even worse.
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit- is working in improving these situations - STAF, Inc.'s work is nationwide in the U.S. and fully worldwide.
One more principle is important: based on research STAF, Inc. strongly warns to leave any baby or any child
to anyone whom you do not know well for even an evening before the child is old enough to report reliably to the parents if the baby sitter or the caretaker has had abusive behavior. Based on research at least 50 % of any babysitters or any caretakers have physically, verbally or otherwise abusive behavior.
ALWAYS, if you have trained or untrained babysitter/child caretaker in your home have effective video recorder installed in every unlocked room.
Just recently there was a news story: The family dog "told" the parents that the baby sitter had been abusive to the baby. HOW could a dog tell it? A new babysitter came - in a few days the dog was quiet and behaved well. Then one day it started barking at and showing anger towards the babysitter when the parents came home. The parents became suspicious and installed a video monitoring system and witnessed that the dog was right: the baby sitter was in man ways abusive towards the baby. The monitoring system proved it.
Be careful - these are important matters. The training in these topics MUST be provided nationwide/worldwide in every school before graduation. Then a second time in the College/University before graduation. And the training must be given to BOTH parents in the hospital where the baby was born. The repeat training can be done in one hour, the first time training takes longer.
With these suggested actions, all based on U.S./worldwide research, thousands of baby/child lives will be saved every year in the U.S. and many more worldwide
STAF, Inc. needs your donations for its important work
Donate now - instructions in the home page
Do donate later may mean forgetting
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Click the green topic below for the text & pictures
If the link has expired search The New York Times with the topic - the article was published in
The New York Times
on Sunday, December 8, 2013
The New York Times articles are available from their archives forever
Please study the related article above first before reading the NYT article
Click the green topic below for the text & pictures
Click: Wall Street Mothers, Stay-Home Fathers
For growing numbers of women on Wall Street, stay-at-home husbands are enabling them to compete at work with new intensity.
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"In time of test, family is best"
(Burmese Proverb)
Burma, officially the Republic of the Union of Myanmar, commonly shortened to Myanmar
click: Burma
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Read this - and: copy the solution in your family
A healthy trend - A solution to many difficulties - Saves Money & Saves Suffering
Is also a safe solution to a perfect childcare
(the topic of the article next above)
Together Again
Multigenerational Households
on the Upswing
Date: December 2013
2011 more than 51 million Americans — about one in six — lived in a multigenerational household
The term
"multigenerational household"
refers to an arrangement not uncommon today among some ethnic groups and viewed as an encouraging & healthier throwback to the way many families lived decades ago.
Definition
"multigenerational"
The U.S. Census Bureau defines multigenerational families as those consisting of more than two generations living under the same roof. Many researchers also include households with a grandparent and at least one other generation.
Nationwide in the U.S. and Worldwide in Every Country
This story is from New York City - but the same model is valid worldwide
Click green for further info
Article 1 of 2 (Article 2 of 2 next below) Study both articles
The kitchen of the Thomas house in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, exudes an air of cozy domesticity.
Khadija Benmakhlouf, wearing pink corduroys and a crimson shirt, is perched on a stool poring over her kindergarten math homework. Her grandmother, Tupper Thomas, who is curled up in a nearby armchair, offers encouraging shout-outs from the sidelines.Around 5 o’clock, Khadija’s mother, Phaedra Thomas, bustles in from her job as a community development consultant in Red Hook with her son, Teddy, 3, whom she has picked up from day care. Within minutes the kitchen is flooded with an intoxicating aroma as lamb chops from the halal butcher down the street sizzle in the oven.
The two women moved into the two-family house in February, dodging workers as their contractor, the M & H Art General Construction Corporation, transformed the century-old home into a dwelling suitable for a 21st-century family. “I’m a big believer in this sort of arrangement, maybe because it never happened for me when I was a parent,” said Tupper Thomas, a longtime resident of Park Slope who retired three years ago from a three-decade career as the president of the Prospect Park Alliance. “I didn’t have that mom person around.”
With several generations in residence, the Thomas household represents a housing model that social scientists are paying a lot of attention to these days, one that grows out of a phenomenon that economists call “shrinking households” or “missing households.” The terms refer to an arrangement not uncommon today among some ethnic groups and viewed as an encouraging & healthier throwback to the way many families lived decades ago.
The challenges of multigenerational families are considerable — witness the flood of recent books on how to navigate the situation — but the financial, practical and emotional benefits can be great. The impetus for the growing number of such households is the recession that started in late 2007, whose lingering effects persist. During tough economic times, economists say, fewer new households are created than would be expected, because people are more likely to double up than strike out on their own. Statistically, they go missing. Recent college graduates moving back home — so-called boomerang kids — are only part of the story. Whether prompted by a lost job, a house foreclosed or a sinking pension, grown children and their elderly parents are increasingly coming together under a single roof. Census figures show an uptick in the number of multigenerational families in New York. One measure of the increase is the number of households in which someone 60 or older is identified as the parent of the head of the household. In these families, the assumption is that elderly parents are living with their grown children.
Between the 2000 census and the 2009-2011 American Community Survey figures, the number of such households in New York increased by 5 percent. The increases are especially large in Staten Island (up 21 percent) and Queens (up 8 percent). (Note: Staten Island & Queens are the 2 of NYC's 5 boroughs (= part, district) the other 3 are Manhattan, The Bronx & Brooklyn) Both boroughs have large numbers of two-family houses, often called mother-daughter homes, with an attached apartment on the side or in the basement. And the New York numbers are reflected nationally and worldwide. According to a 2011 report titled “Family Matters: Multigenerational Families in a Volatile Economy,” published by Generations United, an organization that supports this population, more than 51 million Americans — about one in six — lived in a multigenerational household. This number represents an increase of more than 10 percent since the recession began, the organization said.
“Our report found that in 66 percent of the households, the current economic problems were the cause,” said Donna Butts, the executive director of Generations United. “But while many families came together because of the economy, they stayed together by choice. People expect stress from this arrangement, but they don’t expect the benefits. The downside is that our culture is so focused on independence that pushing against the culture is considered shameful.
I tell them, wake up and smell the demographics.”
The Thomas family is a classic example.
At the time they decided to live under a single roof, Tupper Thomas, 69, was living in a condo on Eastern Parkway, and her daughter, 37 and recently divorced, was living in Bay Ridge. When the mother proposed that they take up joint residence in the neighborhood, her daughter’s reaction was instantaneous: “Oh, my God, that would be fabulous! Are you serious?”Tupper had proposed the idea, in part, because she was an ardent fan of the support system a multigenerational family could provide. “As a girl growing up in Minnesota,” she said, “my grandmothers were part of the family. They were there when the kids came home from school.” Their white house with red brick pillars, which cost $800,000, is, like its sisters on the block, a two-family structure. In warm weather the front porch is wreathed in purple wisteria.
The first floor, with a separate door leading to Tupper’s quarters, is the heart of the house, with a spacious open kitchen where the family eats most meals, and a living room that faces the tree-lined street. The second and third floors, home to Phaedra and her children, include a playroom, the communal washer-dryer and Phaedra’s childhood bunk bed, dotted with her old glow-in-the-dark stickers.
The neighborhood is ideal. Phaedra’s former husband, Mohamed Benmakhlouf, with whom she shares custody of their children, is close by, as is his auto repair business, Carma Car Care.
The mother bought the house. The daughter, who works part time, pays a monthly rent of $1,500, a figure that includes her share of taxes and utilities. Household expenses are shared, and the daughter benefits from free child care. “And over time, she’ll take care of me,” Tupper said. “It’s a smart investment for both of us.”Both women feel they have been lucky to escape the problems that can encumber such an arrangement.“It’s usually complicated when you have two adult women under one roof,” Tupper said. “But we just really have a lot of fun.” Her daughter chimed in: “You know what it’s like to have your mom, who you know and trust and love, helping take care of your children? It’s unbelievable.”
The Thomas family came together under one roof voluntarily. That is not always the case.In August, after being laid off from a job, Elizabeth Sollazzo moved back to the house in Staten Island where she had grown up. She hopes that the arrangement will be temporary, but so far things are working well. What could have been a fraught situation, in part because Ms. Sollazzo’s mother has Alzheimer’s disease, has proved unexpectedly rewarding.
“To be honest, I didn’t know how everything would work out,” John Sollazzo said of his daughter’s return to the family homestead. “She has her ways, I have mine. But I’m happy as all heck that she’s around. I’ve loved every minute of it, and I miss her when she’s gone.” From 2006 to 2011 Ms. Sollazzo worked for the Arthur Kill Correctional Facility on the island, making $49,000 a year as a teacher of art to inmates. At the time she was living in Brooklyn. But after she lost her job at the end of 2011, she was unable to pay her rent.
And so she returned to the Sollazzo family home, a two-family red-brick and white-clapboard structure with twin evergreens in the pocket-size front yard. Mr. Sollazzo and his wife, Frances, both 74, had bought the house for $27,000 in 1970, not long after their marriage. The younger Ms. Sollazzo, who is 49, has vivid memories of picking black raspberries in the woods behind the house, and many decorative details that defined the house during her childhood are still in place. Shelves packed with silver bowls and goblets, now slightly tarnished, line the living-room walls. Photographs of the Sollazzos’ long-ago wedding abound.
Ms. Sollazzo’s childhood bedroom, where she still sleeps, is similarly unchanged. Even the wallpaper, a white-on-white background embossed with rosettes, has survived. One of the few new additions to the house is the 55-inch flat-screen television set, a Christmas gift to her parents.
Ms. Sollazzo, who is divorced and the mother of two grown children, makes $15 to $23 an hour working two part-time jobs. She teaches art at Intermediate School 30 in Brooklyn under the auspices of NIA, a community services group, and at the Art Lab at the Snug Harbor Cultural Center.
She has started selling Mary Kay cosmetics — the additional money helps her contribute to the cost of food and cleaning supplies — and she makes a little extra selling her own artwork. Having inherited political genes from her father, a retired firefighter so active in local Democratic Party politics that islanders affectionately call him “Mr. Democrat,” she also worked as a campaign coordinator for Mendy Mirocznik, a Staten Islander who ran unsuccessfully for City Council.
“To be able to come back to the house was a good thing,” Ms. Sollazzo said. “It can be hard, because there are lots of different opinions with several people under one roof.” But though she intends to stay just until she can get back on her feet, “I’m very thankful I had a place to come home to. It makes it better for everyone.”
That seems to be the case. Mr. Sollazzo recently had triple bypass surgery, and while he is now in robust health, he treasures having an energetic, like-minded daughter around. Aides help care for his wife. But he said his daughter’s presence, and her help with cooking, cleaning and laundry, had made it possible for his wife to remain at home rather than be moved to a nursing home.
Most multigenerational families live outside of apartment-heavy Manhattan, where it’s easier to retrofit a free-standing house or a family-owned brownstone to make room for additional people.
Yet it can be done in Manhattan, as Nathan Vogel, a marketing research consultant, discovered three years ago when he redid his 1,550-square-foot apartment on West 70th Street to accommodate his widowed mother, Rachel, 93.
“My parents lived across the street,” said Mr. Vogel, who is 62 and the father of two teenage sons. “But after my father died four years ago, my mother was increasingly frail and less sharp. She also has leukemia. My wife suggested, ‘Why doesn’t she live with us?’ ” As it turned out, the mother stayed until this past October.
In preparation for the move, the Vogel apartment was reconfigured. Two-thirds of the dining room was removed to create a sleeping alcove. Walls were shifted in a way that reduced the size of both boys’ bedrooms. Closets came and went.
One result of the move was that Mr. Vogel’s mother, whose sole source of income was Social Security, no longer had to pay monthly rent of $3,000. But the tens of thousands of dollars spent for new construction offset any potential savings.
In any case, Mr. Vogel said: “We didn’t do this for financial reasons. It just seemed like the right thing to do. And for the first two years it was wonderful for all of us.” He has especially warm memories of his mother, a Holocaust survivor, lighting the Sabbath candles and reciting prayers on Friday nights as her grandsons looked on.Nevertheless, the burdens increased. Privacy became a greater issue, especially as the children got older. After Mr. Vogel’s mother slipped and fell on her way to the bathroom early one morning, the son started to sleep on a couch in the living room, adjacent to his mother’s bedroom, rigging a set of chairs that squeaked and awakened him if she was up and about. As a result he rarely had an uninterrupted night’s sleep.In October, after the second hospitalization within a week, Ms. Vogel was moved to a rehabilitation center. The next step, her son thinks, will be an apartment in the neighborhood with a live-in aide.
He sometimes wonders what the experience might have been like if he lived somewhere else. “In the suburbs,” he said, “it would have been completely different. You could dedicate a room.
But how many people can you crowd into 1,550 square feet?”
Click green for further info
Source: NYT
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Next below article 2 of 2 -
A must to study - additional multigenerational information
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Article 2 of 2 (Article 1 of 2 next above - a must to read)
Multigenerational Household Information
Click green:
Generations United
What is a Multigenerational Household?
The U.S. Census Bureau defines multigenerational families as those consisting of more than two generations living under the same roof. Many researchers also include households with a grandparent and at least one other generation.
Multigenerational Household Key Facts
Multigenerational households have rapidly increased in the last few years:
Major Factors Leading to the Increase in Multigenerational Households
Five major factors appear to contribute to the increase in multigenerational households:
Multigenerational Households come in all shapes and sizes. A few common types include:
Other Resources:
Click TITLE below for further info
Multigenerational Households Fact Sheet
Resources and Information for Grandfamilies
The Return of the Multigenerational Family Household, Pew Research Center
National Family Caregivers Association and National Family Caregiver Month
Family Caregiver Alliance
National Family Caregivers Association
National Alliance for Caregiving
National Grandparents Day
Stay up to date on current intergenerational issues:
A Special New York City story
Bravery with a lot of courage
College, Not Just for Himself, but for His Son
The load on a full-time college student is a heavy one. Finals and midterms, especially when paired with the duties of fatherhood, could crush any 21-year old, but Giovanni Classen, who recently became a single father to his 1-year-old son, Ezio, seems to have found a way to make it work.
“It’s a little hard sometimes, I don’t get a lot of time to myself,” Mr. Classen said last month. “I figure work hard now, and relax later,” he said softly.
Mr. Classen and Ezio had just gotten out of bed, and Ezio, who was cranky, was following his father around the small apartment and crying.
“He’s sick right now, I have to give him his medicine,” said Mr. Classen.
The family used to be bigger, but on Ezio’s first birthday, his mother disappeared.
“In August, she left,” said Mr. Classen. “I remember she woke me up to tell me she had to go to an appointment.”
Ezio’s 20-year-old mother did not return. “At first I thought ‘Oh maybe she’s out with some friends or something,’ but it got really late, so at like 2 in the morning we filed a missing persons report,” Mr. Classen said.
The next time he saw Ezio’s mother was in court in November. She showed up for a custody hearing, the third after Mr. Classen had filed for sole custody when she disappeared. Mr. Classen has not spoken to Ezio’s mother since the November court date, when she told the judge that she had been struggling with mental issues. He currently has full custody of his son, and is working with the courts to arrange visitation rights for Ezio’s mother.
“She said she was depressed,” said Mr. Classen, who has yet to speak privately to his son’s mother. “I don’t know if there’s more to it but she said there were other issues from her childhood that she’s going to therapy for.”
Mr. Classen may not be ready to extend an olive branch to Ezio’s mother, but he still wants her to be a part of his son’s life. “I hope that she gets herself together,” he said. “We don’t have to get back together, but just so she can be in his life.”
Since Ezio’s mother left, Mr. Classen has taken charge of the family, and his priority is Ezio, he said.
“If she’s not going to be around I’m not going to dwell on it,” he said. “I’m not going to drive myself crazy, because then I wouldn’t be in my right mind to take care of him.”
He signed up for food stamps and the supplemental nutrition program known as WIC, which provides food and baby formula for at-risk families. He also enrolled as a full-time student at the Borough of Manhattan Community College; his aunt and his grandmother take care of Ezio when he is in class.
No longer crying, Ezio stood near the family’s diminutive Christmas tree, which was adorned with plastic and gold-colored ornaments and surrounded by bags filled with gifts. He was holding the bottle his father had prepared for him in his hand.
Mr. Classen is not one to pretend that he is Superman. He admits he has little or no time for himself and has had to forgo many of the things he enjoys, like playing video games. “Video games can be expensive,” he said. “I can’t go out and buy something like that. I can’t spend money on stupid stuff.”
Mr. Classen has been taking fatherhood classes at two nonprofit organizations, the Union Settlement Association and the Educational Alliance, a beneficiary of UJA-Federation of New York, one of seven agencies supported by The New York Times Neediest Cases Fund.
He has also signed up to participate in a New York University study conducted on the Lower East Side, where he lives. “They want to see the types of stresses in the neighborhood for parents,” Alva Cardona, his social worker at the Educational Alliance, said.
“Fathers have 12 sessions, and he just started but he’s been doing pretty good,” Ms. Cardona said. The N.Y.U. study requires Mr. Classen to watch a series of videos and read some pamphlets on parenting, then take an exam.
Mr. Classen was advised by his aunt, who is an accountant at the Educational Alliance, to seek help there, and he said he liked it. “I figured it would be good for Ezio,” he said.
Through the Educational Alliance, Mr. Classen received $500 from the Neediest Cases Fund to buy winter coats for himself and Ezio, as well as baby supplies. He bought diapers and some Christmas gifts. “I got him a bunch of educational stuff,” said Mr. Classen. “There’s one that is a book, and you press a button and it will read the books to you, and you can say the words and the letters. And another toy that helps him with the alphabet. I just bought him a lot of things that help him with his speech development.”
Mr. Classen is also focused on his studies, and plans to transfer to a different college within the City University of New York, a four-year school that offers an engineering program. “I hope in the next 10 years I can get my degree and a good job so that I’m not struggling the way my mother struggled,” he said.
And Mr. Classen has another goal. “I definitely want to pass critical thinking skills down to my son,” he said. “I want him to be smarter than me.”
Source: NYT
________________________________________________________________
(1) a married couple, (2) for the couple's whole family = for their children of any age; study this seminar all together as a family including with your baby and toddler(s) and with other children of any age still with you and: (3) this seminar is also for any individual living alone still looking to get married - learn the success principles early to avoid mistakes leading to any disaster and one more: this seminar is to any person who wants to improve their communication in any type of a relationship and succeed in any human connection
Section one: New techniques for your marriage & family happiness & successful child raising (next below)
Section two: In a study group study all remaining articles in this tab related to marriage, family & child raising topics
Section One
____________________________________
Quotation
"If the family were a boat, it would be a canoe that makes no progress
unless everyone paddles"
Click: Letty Cottin Pogrebin
____________________________
The Magic
How to Maintain & Keep it forever
in Your Marriage & in Your Family
&
How to raise super-kids & guide them
become exceptionally successful adults __________________
To achieve & keep the magic it is necessary that
every family member
will study & apply the information given in this internet seminar
Referring to the quotation above:
to get somewhere
STEP ONE
Everyone,
Learn to Paddle
_______________________________________
Notice # 1:
In your marriage
the change
for the better
starts with
you
You cannot change the other person - you can only change your own behavior.
When you improve your behavior as a new model for your mutual relationship
(but not stating that change aloud)
you will see the automatic improvement in your spouse.
____________
Notice # 2:
Children do
what they see
their parents doing
not what you tell them to
do
Be a good parent:
do what you want your children to copy
______________________________________
______________________________________
Seminar
Guidance text, methodology,
design & editing
by Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., D.D.
(STAF, Inc.'s Founding President)
Copyrighted©
Webinar - Internet Seminar
____________
* * * * * * * * *
All material in this seminar is based on the most recent science
& is suitable for the use in the College & University level education
for all degree levels: Associate, B.A., M.A., Ph.D.
Legal warning:
To copy any part of this advice website
is permitted only under certain circumstances
For info go to the end of the Home page
________________________
Quoted
"The best thing you can do
for your love life is to love your life"
click: Andrea Syrtash
__________________________________________
First Principle
Marriage makes you
more independent
because you are joining forces with somebody -
you always have a teammate.
You cannot control what another person thinks, does or feels - and you must not even try to.
That's why the best relationships are effortless, because you just let each other be,
to grow naturally together instead of growing apart.
Relinquishing control is an important clue that a relationship will last.
__________________
When love and skills work together,
expect a masterpiece
Click: John Ruskin
Click: John Ruskin Quotes
___________
You & your spouse provide the love,
This worldwide popular STAF, Inc.'s seminar provides you the skills
Apply everything you learn in this seminar
______________________
The dog
as an anchor to happiness
yes: a dog!
_______________
Quotation
"Loyalty, that's a thing about dogs.
You can come home any time and they're glad to see you
and they come running to the door to lick your face.
Not like your wife of your children."
(Cecil Williams)
Click: Cecil Williams
___________
Is the loyalty level in your home as this above quotation states?
Is the dog the only one coming to greet you by the door?
Dogless?
Then no one comes?
If the above is the situation in your family,
then:
in
this World's # 1 advice website Successo-Pedia©
for all family matters, success, health, wealth
& for the good life
with
Free Question & Answer service
you and your family members
will be guided
to a much more rewarding family behavior
A fact: in over 65 % of the U.S. families & the families worldwide things are as the above Cecil William's quotation states about the loyalty the dogs show to their master and the family members.
Is the dog the only happy, loving family member who comes to greet you at the door?
If that is the case, then your marriage & family happiness and your children's life happiness is in a real danger.
Is this what you or your other family members want: the failure and the breakage of your family?
I do not believe you do.
I do not need a crystal ball to say: that is how the future looks like because:
(1) The majority of the U.S. and the families of tens of other leading countries worldwide live this way.
If they do not have a dog in the family, no one comes to greet anyone at the door to lick and to tell
"I love you, I am happy to see you".
(2) In the same percentage level with the 1st line 65 % is also the failure & breakage
of (1) the U.S. and (2) the today's families worldwide in the leading, developed countries.
Thus, the percentage numbers match these two situations.
That is an unfortunate, shameful matter of fact. That causes much suffering to every family member - totally unnecessarily BECAUSE there is a way to upgrade your family happiness & to keep it on the heavenly happiness level and keep it there forever. STAF, Inc., the nation/worldwide leading new organization will guide you in this advice website how to achieve that upgrade and keep it on the level of true happiness. That upgrade would also secure your children's life & your children's own future marriages with the same heavenly happiness. It would also make your dog happy because he/she probably would draw a conclusion that it was he/she who made you copy his/her behavior.
Your doggy pet would sure be proud - with all his/her rights to be - because your dog shows his love - do you?
Because we started this webinar introducing at least one family member, the dog, coming to greet you at the door, then lets first talk about the principle of a dog's love and how you and your family can greatly benefit from it.
In another chapter below we will be discussing in details how to upgrade the home coming of any family member into a happiness celebration leading to a successful family life.
This information will improve, deepen & strengthen your marriage and your family happiness.
One day this guidance may even save your marriage.
However, it can only happen when every family member is paddling in the same canoe as the first quotation above in this page sates.
"If the family were a boat, it would be a canoe that makes no progress
unless everyone paddles"
(Letty Cottin Pogrebin)
Click: Letty Cottin Pogrebin
click: www.lettycottinpogrebin.com
A little dog talk:
The dog makes a happier family - the presence of a dog keeps the members of any family healthier emotionally, mentally & physically. Ask anyone who has a dog - these statements are true.
You can also find much evidence for these statements in the related internet articles.
A dog in your family can improve your family's health and save in health care costs.
Dogs are intelligent family members.
They can be as intelligent as a 3 - 5 years old human child.
The level of intelligence vary between different dog breeds.
To confirm these statements as facts search the web and read a few articles about
the canine smartness and
how a dog will give happiness in a family.
Copy & search: how a dog will give happiness in a family.
Have a small-sized dog (eats less, saves in feeding & health care & in other care expenses), with short hair (less hair shedding, easier & cheaper to keep clean), with a family attitude (good with children of any age), friendly with your guests (not to aggressive) and capable of accepting and loving other possible family pets (e.g. cat, bird, fish).
If you live in a country place a bigger dog is easier to handle.
In a city (and any where) a bigger dog can give more physical safety protection.
A dog lives between 10 - 20 years, some longer
Here 3 possible small/medium-sized dog breeds that may be suitable
Wikipedia has a good description with pictures of these 3 first dogs as it may also have of any other dog
you may be studying:
(1) the Mexican origin Chihuahua regarded as the smallest breed of dog; wide variety of sizes, head shapes, colors and coat lengths (= hair); search (copy) Chihuahua
(2) French Bulldog - a top favorite among the New Yorkers. The "Frenchies" are very playful and affectionate. They are loyal, loving and wonderful companion dogs. They can sometimes be hard to train as they can be stubborn. Search the web with: French Bulldog.
No dog is easy, nor is any human - any relationship takes effort and mutual learning.
Labrador Retriever has been recently in the U.S. nationwide among the most loved breeds.
Having a dog is an effective way to develop happiness in your home when you do what this seminar guides to do. A bigger dog can provide safety while in the park or anywhere outside. A bigger dog needs more rigorous playtime outside (which can help you to exercise more). A bigger dog takes more space in your car and costs more to maintain. A dog of any size will bark when someone enters your property. The dogs are protectors.
A small(er) dog is easier and cheaper to maintain. Smaller dogs shed less hair, bigger dog shed more hair.
Discuss the dog details together as a family, study the internet carefully before deciding what dog to take. Wikipedia has much good information so have many other sources.
AKC - American Kennel Club -
AKC.org
AKC has all information anyone needs. Wikipedia has the info in a more compact form.
Look at both and other links.
American Kennel Club - AKC.org
lists the most popular dogs nationwide and gives plenty of other information you may need.
Labrador retriever has been recently among the most popular dogs in the U.S.
Copy search: Labrador Retriever
(3) The Japanese origin Shiba Inu
Shiba Inu is an agile dog, full of life and energy, active and outgoing and can be a good company in different outside activities and also in hunting. If your physical activity includes walking or jogging, Shiba Inu is a perfect companion.
Shiba Inu may be better fit for a countryside home but can be happy in a city surroundings also. Talk to a breeder.
Search the web with: Shiba Inu.
If you have children or are planning to have children you can get ideas by searching the web with
"show small-sized family dogs, good with children of any age and loyal to the family".
Study the temperament of each dog when doing your research.
Before your final choice search for breeders familiar with your choice of breed and ask more questions.
Do all this research together as a family
- each vote counts -
then you will have an easier time to make your final choice.
When every member of your family is involved everyone feels equal and well-treated -
that's a good way to start a new, happier family life.
It may be safest to buy your dog from a breeder as a puppy. Other choices are the dog shelters (but the dogs are mostly adults (sometimes puppies, also) and can have much fear if they have been abused by the previous owner.
Talk to the shelter administrator.
Realize: pets need health care - be prepared for additional expenses. The bigger the higher the costs.
On the other hand the dog is much cheaper than a Ph.D. level marriage & family counselor.
Copy your dog's loving behavior.
The dog will be your marriage and family therapist.
The dog may be saving your marriage as will be explained in this seminar.
Treat your pet lovingly as a family member and never get physical with your pet.
Never hit your dog, you will lose the dog's trust - be patient.
Never hit your child either, it is not discipline, it is a felony.
Give a good model to your children.
Remember: the children do what they see you doing, not what you tell them to do.
__________________________
If you do not want a real, breathing, loving dog,
or for any reason cannot have a living dog,
do not worry - STAF, Inc. will give you another choice.
Note: When you read the reasons (many more still below) to have a real, living, breathing, friendly, loving small dog, and still say "no way, no dog in my home" that is O.K. - then:
(#1) use a dog's behavior showing love as your own behavior model. You have seen dogs how enthusiastically they come to meet every family member - practice & learn to do the same in your own home with every family member, first of all with your spouse. The purpose of these words is to favor your, your spouse & your whole family with real, heavenly happiness, better than you had experienced before. If for some reason you do not want a real loving dog, then
(#2) Buy a new toy dog, the size about the same as would be the size of your favorite small dog with short hair/fur looking like your real favorite (small) dog - a dog you would have if you had one.
Then in your home place the toy dog, as the symbol & image of your real favorite dog, in such a way that it will remind everyone how a real dog will show his love - perhaps next to the inner entrance where you would meet your spouse and your family members. Together as a family (democratically - so no one can feel someone is a bully) give your toy dog a name, the same as you would give to your real dog.
The dog is one of the anchors for all you to start daily shoving more actively your mutual love feelings.
One more detail. Even though you already may have a toy dog in your home, it is important to buy a NEW toy dog (and give it a name) because as a NEW member of your family it would be a more effective reminder of your decision to create a NEW family life with deeper love and wider success for all of your family members to enjoy.
It would be also an effective way to improve your marriage happiness.
This quotation shows how to get the desired results:
Quotation: "Knowledge is no power - only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.'s founding President)
Even though this is partially repeating the same topic, let's still talk more about the practical benefits of having a real dog in your family, sooner or later or as soon as your circumstances will allow.
Please: for you own happier family life, be patient and study this additional dog information as it has many new facts - all helpful and rewarding. Discuss this and all other details together in a whole family meeting.
If you & your family decides to have a real, living, breathing, loving small dog, search the internet and study different dogs suitable for you as a family dog. Then, perhaps you could find out, if you can get such a dog in a shelter (often free - give a donation if you can) - they are veterinary "certified healthy" and available immediately.
A small dog fits into your family car easier, is easier to carry in a small carry-on-bag around, yet, the small dog would be a good alarm system, works only on little food & affection and some rubbing on the belly - and on some hugging & kissing now and then, thus, giving a good model to you what to do in your marriage and in your family
= to show your love enthusiastically also with these physical actions.
This new small dog or your already existing dog (when you now, with this new information, may see your dog's behavior in a new way) would be an anchor to set a refreshing, new, more loving and more active attitude to show your love towards your spouse and also towards your children.
The dog's presence will remind & inspire you & all your family members to realize that it is also your right to give & get love as the dog is doing - all major activities in creating harmony, happiness & success for everyone in your family.
There are many other benefits when having a dog. As may be needed, a small dog in your home would be barking as loud as a big dog and warn you of an intruder or other danger, of any emergency, even potentially saving your & your family members lives. All dogs are intelligent, hard 24-hour security guard workers and they do not demand even the minimum hourly salary. As a love-showing "app" the dog creates new love in your marriage and in all relationships in your family.
Depending on the breed, the dogs are as intelligent as a 3 - 5 years old human child.
One recent example that got viral. The family had a f/t child care worker. First the dog was peaceful but after a few days every time the parent(s) came home the dog started heavily barking at the the child care worker and kept doing that day after day. The parents installed a video monitoring system and found out that the child care worker was heavily abusing the child.
The dog did not bark any longer when the family had a new child care worker. You can find plenty of stories about the dog's intelligent behavior when you search the web with that topic.
It might be a good idea to do such a search together as a family.
Are you doing seasonal camping? If not, start camping with the whole family - it's healthy, in every way refreshing and strengthening your family closeness & happiness. In the spring/summer/fall time, when you are camping with your family, perhaps a bear plans to enter your tent, the dog will wake you up by his/her barking and save you & your family members from harm. Of course you sleep in a real tent when you are camping - at least you should. If you sleep in a RV the bear still could rip off the door or at least mess up everything outside or jump on your vehicle. Depending in what part of the world you are there are other dangerous animals. The dogs know their work and protect you. The predators normally stay away (not always) when you all are still outside enjoying the evening campfire*) but when you retire they will come sneaking around. Your dog hears them from far away.
A dog's hearing capability is about 20+ times more effective than what we humans have. Your dog will hear someone approaching at one mile's distance and prepare you for a safety net, in case.
Click green:
*) A campfire is a fire lit at a campsite, to serve the following functions: light, warmth, a beacon, an insect and/or apex predator deterrent, to cook, and for a psychological sense of security. In established campgrounds they are usually in a fire ring for safety. Campfires are a popular feature of camping, particularly among organized campers such as Scouts or Guides. Your dear small dog's barking is stronger than the bear or other Apex predators (also known as alpha, super, top or top-level predators). Apex predators are predators with few to no predators of their own, residing at the top of their food chain.
click: apex predator
For what reason do we put this info of a campfire here?
Because this is one thing for your family happiness we at STAF, Inc. suggest you start doing with your family (and with your dog).
A weekend out camping in the nature with your family (& your dog) will have many benefits.
It's fun and it will strengthen your family ties - even your male dog would love it because of so many trees to mark.
During the warmer months aim to go a few times camping for 2 - 3 days or sometimes longer.
In addition, the year round have weekly one family pick-nick in the nature by a big river, lake, park, ocean, etc. A one full day pick-nick trip + your dog with you (weekend?) when every family member can be coming.
If some family member sometimes cannot come to the whole-day weekend trip, replace that with a family pick-nick by going to a local park, river or ocean, if that helps every family member to come. That's only 3 - 4 hours.
The time as a family outside your living quarters together is important,
otherwise you grow apart as a family - that is a sign of a trouble. All these activities will strengthen your family ties, reset your internal clock called the circadian rhythm or waves click: Circadian rhythm,
give you a better sleep when you come back and remind you of a healthier, more natural life style & natural nutrition.
Even more. STAF, Inc. also strongly suggests that you will have your children joining
the Boys' or Girls' Scouts of America Website: Boy Scouts of America (BSA)
The Boy Scouts of America provides a program for young people that builds character, trains them in the responsibilities of participating citizenship, and develops personal fitness. Click: MORE
or click: Girl Scouts | Official Web Sitewww.girlscouts.org/Girl Scouting builds girls of courage, confidence, and character, who make the world ...
The scout organizations are marvelous tools for life success.
In this website are articles listing the many benefits for all these activities including your weekend (sometimes longer) camping trip. Search also the web with such topics and share the material with your whole family.
If you did start the regular camping trips, all important happiness & health improvers, when your children were still toddlers, you would have no hard time to have your teenagers coming to the weekend family camping trip.
If you did not, it can be hard later. Speak to the teenagers in a nice manner, no forcing, no screaming and show them in a loving manner the reason the family needs them on the trip. Do it the way your small dog would do. Everyone, including the teenagers, would gain better family ties with higher happiness in your family now and later in their own family. STAF, Inc, will advice in several locations in this advice website to have the weekly family meetings where you handle the material step by step from this website - takes years - but: the benefits are
a better health & a better, happier & richer life for all when everyone applies the information.
We at STAF, Inc. still most respectfully suggest: if you just can and your circumstances allow, please: have a small dog in your family - you need the dog to strengthen your heavenly happiness in your marriage and in your whole family.
The dog and its way of showing love and affection is a powerful reminder for you and for every member of your family
to copy the dog's behavior. We all need anchors to improve our life through our choice of behavior. An anchor will remind you & every one in your family to do what keeps you on the road to the desired destination. The dog is one of the anchors to improve your family happiness.
All is explained in the above text.
_________________________
The difference between a cat and a dog is well put in this
Quotation
The cat thinks:
"You feed me, you groom me - I must be the god",
the dog thinks:
"You feed me, you groom me, you take me out - You must be the god"
_______________________________
This quiz is for fun only
Click: Are you a cat person or a dog person? Take our quiz!
If every family member would take this quiz you could compare your similarities.
If you want a cat - remember: it sheds a lot of hair. However, if you live in the suburbs or in the country side, the cat throws the mice, rats & other creatures away - that's beneficial
A typical cat does not come to greet you at the door
If you take a cat to your camping trip or to the river or ocean or to a park for your weekly family pick-nick, your cat might just disappear and leave alone and then:you have no cat
Have a small dog with short hair - less work, less mess
_______________________________
Introduction
PART TWO
The Quicksand
click: Quicksand
______________________________________________
Quotation
If there's not any endgame, we're in quicksand.
We take one more step, and we're still there, and there's no way out.
(Richard Shelby)
Click: Richard Shelby
_______________________________________________
But wait:
There is always a right solution to anything in our human life
There is always a way when there is the will
Never give up searching and you'll find the answer
The endgame and its results are that count
It is said "The one who smiles last smiles best"
________________
STAF, Inc. will teach you everything you need to know
how to keep & maintain happiness in your most important relationship circle, your marriage & your family.
Not only that, if you feel that all is so bad that there is no hope and all is lost, even then with the instructions in this
# 1 advice website you, your spouse & your family will get back your marriage & family happiness and not only have it back but have it back and upgraded to a higher level of heavenly happiness.
STAF, Inc. will teach you the endgame that takes you out from the life-destroying quicksand.
You will learn how to enter into the Startgame opening a golden road to a new life in your marriage and in your family.
Like every winner who never gave up and refused walking away,
your spouse & your family
will be rewarded with a new life when you work out your challenges based on the result-bringing guidance you'll find in this seminar & in this website
____________________________________
Notice
Stop the arguing & nudging*) in your marriage
and just alter what you can control:
YOUR BEHAVIOR
to nudge = to complain or carp persistently; to carp = to find fault in a disagreeable way
Quotation
"We cannot put out fire with more fire"
(Old wisdom)
When YOU (silently) change/improve your behavior,
then your spouse will automatically adjust his/her behavior in return.
Once more: you cannot change your spouse's behavior only she/he can.
The more you would try, the deeper you push both of you and your family & marriage happiness into the quicksand.
click: Quicksand
This works best when you initiate your decision to change your behavior during a "peaceful" time/moment in your relationship and you do NOT let your spouse know
that you will change your behavior.
If you let your spouse know, the human pride (in all of us) may surface from our darker sides*) dominating
and she/he feels "I won" and then the results may be that you will be torturing each other's nerves even more -
that's how we all can be. *) darker side = limbic system; explained further below
Silence is gold about your plan to improve/change your behavior -
then the results will be diamonds.
There is one exception to this:
if your spouse ASKS you to improve your behavior you will say, without any arguing:
yes, I will, my honey - thank you for pointing this out -
(and without any irony, softly & pleasantly say:)
"would you please let me know how do you want me to do/behave/handle this in the future and
I will then do it".
(Then just listen and confirm "I'll do what you asked because I care for you and I do love you.")
If the situation allows
hold your spouse's both hands and look at his/her eyes when you have this mini discussion.
On the phone ask your spouse imagine that you are holding the hands
and looking in each other's eyes.
___________________________________
The Real Reasons Marriages Break
and like quicksand swallow your marriage & family happiness
are fully presented below.
Study them and apply the happiness bringing info
Both of you: the husband & the wife
and your children old enough to understand - the children for two reasons:
(1) to help and give emotional support to your parents in what they may be going through,
(2) if your children are not old enough to understand, let them know that you are working on improving your family spirit and ask them to remind you both of a few easy things:
hug now, kiss now, hold hands now, no voice raising, stay friendly & work out your issues, there is always a soluti0n to everything. The older children can state similar affirmations to help the parents stay friendly.
Dealing with alcohol, substance abuse, more serious matters, contact a professional counselor. In a possible abuse issue of any type, take temporary shelter but STILL give your marriage a chance with love & respect.
The earlier in your marriage you start studying these matter the better both spouses are equipped to handle peacefully these issues. The earlier, the less you fall into the quicksand.
STAF, Inc. demands that these important principles are taught in every school and/or before having a marriage licence a few hours seminar on these topics be taken. Correct knowledge about the potential challenges in any marriage and how to handle them can save marriages and save our children facing the 13 life-destroying challenges every child faces in a parental separation or a divorce situation. The list below quite soon after a few other paragraphs.
Knowing the reasons for the calamity gives you the tools to escape from the dangerous quicksand.
When you apply the advice you get here you will have your challenges solved and your happiness returned.
___________________________________________
The Doorway
to Heaven on Earth
The Forever Lasting Happy Marriage
Detailed guidance for keeping your marriage happy
___________
(1) Love, (2) patience & (3) forgiveness
the 3 keys for a happy marriage lasting forever ______________
This is
World's # 1 advice website Successo-Pedia©
all family matters, success, health, wealth & for the good life
with
Free Question & Answer service
________________________
Here
you will find all answers you & your family needs for success
(1) How to love your spouse more and deeper year after year &
how to maintain & keep your happy marriage forever;
(2) How to raise your possible children and guide them to
emotionally and financially fulfilling, successful life;
(3) How you & your children can maintain good health;
(4) How you can become a (multi-)millionaire family;
starting only with a $50 monthly investment;
(5) How to conquer any challenge
_________________________
It is beneficial to study all info in this tab/page together with your spouse.
Teach these facts also to your children in your weekly family meetings.
The family meeting instructions are handled in this same tab/page.
______________
Quotation
"The strength of a family, like the strength of an army,
is in its loyalty to each other"
(Mario Puzo)
Click: Mario Puzo
___________________________
The two very best gifts in life:
(1) A marriage with heavenly happiness that you share forever with your spouse;
(2) A model of a home to your child(ren)
where the parents have a deeply loving, peaceful relationship
In such a home every child will grow up emotionally, mentally & physically healthy. A happy home will provide the children with a strong self-confidence to seek and materialize everything their born & learned talents are fit to handle. These children will have leadership positions already in their schools. The children who see their parents having a happy relationship do not very easily get involved with drugs, with crimes & with other risky behaviors. It is a fact that young children do what they see their parents doing - they do not do what is told them to do.
So it is with all children also as adults - the way their parents marriage is/was will often be the same in their own marriage. You want your children have a happy marriage as adults - then give them a model of a happy marriage in the home they grow up.
When you got married in the traditional manner ("traditional marriage" explained in the next chapter below) you have the real potential to stay married forever. That kind of a marriage gets happier year after year when maintained with the care the marriage needs. What the skills are and what is needed to have a forever-lasting marriage with heavenly happiness, are all explained in details in this advice website in this tab. You will learn everything you need - apply the information with your spouse and with your whole family.
Quotation "Knowledge is no power - only applied knowledge is power
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.)
Never, ever get divorced when you did get married in the traditional manner - there is no real need for it.
Heal your marriage - STAF, Inc. will show you how
A healed marriage is happier than your marriage was ever before - its worth all your effort to get & keep.
The two biggest gifts you can give to your children are (1) the model of a happy home and (2) the model of how to stay happily married - never get separated or divorced - there is no need for it
when you tied the knot in the traditional manner.
____________________________________________________
"To us, family means putting your arms
around each other
and being there"
(Barbara Bush)
Click: Barbara Bush
The former First Lady of the U.S.
______________________________________
How to raise successful children ?
When you have finished this "Heavenly Marriage Happiness" seminar first
(we are still far from the finishing line) and learned successfully
to apply its principles, then the next seminar STAF, Inc. will make available for your family
is about raising successful children.
A good idea: start and keep the weekly family meeting and go through also this whole happy marriage webinar in that meeting with your children. Takes time but: the family meetings are meant to last as long as the children are living in the same household.
Then you gain 2 important benefits:
(1) your children will know HOW their parents need to behave to save the happiness and to save the family - the children would be eager to remind their parents if the parents would sometimes break the guidance info in this webinar and (2) your children would learn already early on for their own future marriage how to create and maintain a successful family union with full of love and success. This all will be one of the best gifts you as the parents can give to your children.
To succeed first as a happily married couple and as a family together is the solid starting ground to succeed in raising well-balanced children. It is said that one of the best gifts you can give to your children is to give them a model of their parents' happy marriage. When your children see their parents daily showing love to each other and especially when the children are involved personally in the process as this seminar guides to be, your children will be growing as well-balanced individuals and then, later on in their own adult lives, will automatically copy the same principles in their marriages thus gaining the same happiness & harmony as you will now experience in your marriage.
Again: your children will do what they see their parents doing, not what the parents tell them to do.
The same statement is true when your children are developing a well-balanced personal positive character
- their character will be built on what they see heir parents doing.
When you apply the principles together as a couple you learn in this seminar, it will make also your children happy and automatically respectful towards both parents.
There is one important matter we want to address at this point in this brief "how to raise successful children" comment.
In some families often the father and/or mother may be behaving like a tyrant. Then the parent is basically copying what he/she saw his/her own parents doing. Being a tyrant or raising one's voice or getting physical (which may be illegal) instead of serving the family members as a respectful, loving guide, will always lead to disasters in child raising - and later on easily to drug use, crimes & even worse. Respect your children and they will respect you.
Both parents: study this following interview article "Putting Your Followers First" (link below) and apply in your family the principle putting your "followers needs first". Your followers are your other family members. The article relates to a business but the same principles apply to any private and to any family life. Study this article all together with your children as a family and discuss how to apply it in your family for everyone's success. When you apply the respectful principles and put your "followers" first, big miracles will happen. Guide your children to apply the same principles at home and outside the home.
If you happen to be a company leader or manager apply the same principles in your work. And last and not least: learn to apply the same principles in every connection in your life - then you will get the same in return.
Click: Putting Your Followers First
The title could as well be "Putting The Other Person First"
If the link has expired you will find the article with added comments in this same website in tab: Successology or you may find the original article by searching the New York Times with the title - Published in NYT, March 22, 2014
____________
Old wisdom
"Whoever wants to be successful in life
must first be a servant to everyone else"
Also the financial business success comes from the same principle.
Money is made by selling services of different types: products or personal services.
The better the product or service the more it sells and the bigger the profits.
____________________________________________
Important
Next below you will see
the list of the
14 life-destroying disasters
your child(ren) will face
in the parental separation or divorce situation
Every child experiencing
a parental separation or divorce
faces serious life threatening disasters
See just next below
Is this really what you want for your children
? ? ?
The most destructive 14 listed here:
Click the green article web links below the list of the 14 disasters - study the articles and see
how family problems in childhood affect brain development
____________________________
All of these 14 disasters are based
on the most recent science
(1) overall increased risks to health & welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time; (13) serious high blood pressure challenges in their adult years when growing up with only one parent;
(14) Children's obesity rate rises 104 % with parents' separation or divorce.
Evidence science articles for these 14 disasters are in several locations in this website and in this tab
Below 3 links
By getting separated or divorced your child(ren) will be facing more or less of these life-destroying challenges - is this what you want to your child(ren)?
Heal your marriage - It can be done - STAF, Inc. will help.
Just alone to apply all information in this internet seminar you can heal your marriage.
If you need further help, contact STAF, Inc. - we will help.
Contact info in the home page.
__________________
Quotation
“It is easier to build strong children
than to repair broken men*)”
Frederick Douglas
Click: Wikipedia
*) of course we could add: "or broken women"
Love and Affection
Percentage of American fathers who hugged or showed physical affection to their children under age 13
every day in the past month:
(1) White, non-Hispanic: 76 % (2) Hispanic: 73 % (3) Black-non-Hispanic: 56 %
Percentage of American fathers who, every day in the past month, told their children that they love them:
(1) White, non-Hispanic: 65 % (2) Hispanic: 45 % (3) Black-non-Hispanic: 56 %
_____________________
Six science articles and one related article to study below:
It will strengthen your family ties when you study these 6 articles together with your children and
decide all together
how everyone will learn to behave for every family member's best. When everyone is involved discussing these matters then everyone is willing to work together as a team and "behave". It is the same principle when everyone, including all children, are involved in your food preparation, then everyone is much more willing to eat in a new manner healthy food (as many may be used to fast food which is bad food) - the correct nutrition matters are handled in full in another internet seminar developed by STAF, Inc.'s specialists.
Exposure to common family problems early in life can impair
your child's brain development and affects the brain proper development resulting to lesser brain grey matter volume.
Grey matter is the major component of the central nervous system.
The human brains are fully developed by the age of about 25.
Click the green below to get the art
1 of 6 - Click:
Grey matter
(also in this "Grey Matter" article the facts point out that child abuse leads to lesser brain gray matter in the brains)
2 of 6 Click:
Brain Development
3 of 6- Click: Family Conflicts Can Impair Child's Brain Development: Study
4 of 6- Click the green title below to see the brain images
how family problems in childhood affect brain development
Click: Family Problems In Childhood Affect Brain Development
Research by the University of East Anglia, England, Click: University of East Anglia
5 of 6 - Effects of early-life psychosocial adversities on grey matter volume
Click: Walsh et al.
6 of 6 - Click the green title below:
If the link has expired search he web / NYT with the title
Click: Fathers' Sons and Brothers' Keepers - NYTimes.com
_______________
Little further down is another science article
"How yelling to your child will affect negatively your child development"
Study it and: stop yelling - otherwise you ruin your child's healthy & successful future
AND: Never get physical - it can be a felony crime and you may land in prison
_______________________________________________________________________
If you are in a situation of thinking of separation or divorce,
discuss the situation peacefully (no blaming, no voice raising) with your spouse and show the above list of 14 disasters your children will be facing and discuss the disasters that also you as the separating/divorcing spouses will be facing (listed in this webinar).
If you two have a hard time discussing ask a mutual, trusted friend to function as an umpire to keep peace, love, forgiveness & patience in the meeting. As most people, if you did get married in a traditional manner (explained in this internet seminar in another chapter coming up quite soon below), you had real love between the two of you; real love never dies. Based on that fact you have still a real chance for a better marriage with heavenly happiness when you do not give up and learn to handle marriage issues.
No one is born with that knowledge - everyone has to learn it.
Decide (1) to stay together, decide (2) to go through this internet seminar together in full and decide (3) to apply all what you learn in this seminar.
Every marriage can be healed - that's good news for both spouses and for the children.
Apply the information in this webinar.
If you need additional guidance STAF, Inc. is available to provide guidance as a video conference & counseling via the internet. Your marriage can be healed.
When that has happened your marriage is better than ever before and will be filled with the heavenly happiness.
If you are happily married and you still hold hands and sleep in the same bed,
then study this whole webinar together because it would make both of you work more seriously on your present or future marriage challenges in order to avoid any of these disastrous things to happen to your children & to you both.
If desired, in addition, take STAF, Inc.'s live video-counseling.
By all means:
for (1) your children's and (2) your own best
avoid
any separation
and never get divorced
A better choice
for health & wealth and for (1) your children's and for (2) both spouses'
successful future
is
to heal your marriage
STAF, Inc. WILL guide you and your family to have a new life
STAF, Inc. Saves Lives
___________________________
The Principle of Everyone Has to Learn to Paddle
In the lesson one we had the
Quotation:
"If the family were a boat, it would be a canoe that makes no progress
unless EVERYONE paddles"
Study the above 14 disasters, their additional links and this text with your whole family as a group and
with your children participating.
To all: decide to paddle to the same direction in the river of a successful life.
As often in a divorce situation the mother in most cases gets the custody and even in a shared custody the children mostly stay with the mother and father will be absent from the children's daily life.
That situation has deeply BAD effects on a/the child(ren)'s development.
Do you want to ruin your children's future rather than work out your marriage back to happiness and
cancel all divorce thoughts?
To save your children from serious disasters is, of course, your first choice.
It is easy to realize that your children need continuously a daily contact to both of their parents.
In most cases a divorce is totally unnecessary and wrong and will be hurting enormously everyone involved.
The divorce lawyers are the worst enemies of your and your children's best. So are most court judges - most judges have no clue and hardly any knowledge of what a separation and/or divorce does to the children.
It ruins the children's healthy development and affects negatively their adult life success.
It also affects negatively the divorcing spouses.
The correct thing is to take competent counseling - a competent counselor is a professional who can convince the couple back to a happy marriage and stay together happily ever after. Too many marriage counselors do not know how badly a divorce will (not maybe) harm everyone involved. It ruins the children's future.
This is all assuming that (1) your marriage is based on true, real love an no one is/has been a gold digger AND that you did get married "in the traditional manner" (= met, dated, fell in love, proposal, ring, wedding plan, wedding day).
One of STAF, Inc.'s missions is to get these topics in our school systems handled in all educational levels. Every person has the right to know these facts as they belong among the most important facts in life. Yet, time being, most people have no clue how to be happily married and what serious harm a separation and divorce brings to the children and to the couple.
Here is just one link to study - search more and study to learn the facts:
Click: How Does an Uninvolved Father Affect a Child's Development
This above link is only ONE and a very BRIEF example article (study it now).
Search for more similar article topics (aim to find science studies, not opinions). Study the articles with your spouse and with your children. Discuss the material all as a group - that's a good antidote to a family breakage because everyone will decide to work on staying happily together forever. In these meetings your family union gets stronger. It also guides your children to learn these important topics early in their life for their own future marriage. In addition, because everyone is involved in keeping the family together it will make a difference how everyone is behaving. It helps the children avoid smoking, drinking, drugs & crimes.
When you got married in the traditional manner (as most couples do) you had a REAL love between the two of you.
REAL love NEVER dies, never. Traditional manner: met, dated, fell in love, proposal & ring, wedding plans: this process took months or years and in most cases took quite much money (wedding, etc.). When you were willing to go through all that effort, you must have had a real love between the two of you. Based on the principle of "the real love never dying",
a competent marriage counselor can lead you back to the real love stage. A healed marriage is ALWAYS even happier than it was at the beginning.
Also STAF, Inc.'s specialists, titled Marriage Restorers (TM), are available via live internet counseling sessions to give your real love back to both of you, save you from big trouble and save your present or future children's success in life.
This internet Heavenly Happiness Marriage (TM) seminar alone can give your Marriage Happiness back (when you apply all its info & guidance in your daily family life).
___________________________
Both Spouses
NOTICE:
Worldwide research shows that also both separating/divorcing spouses face
(1) a lower quality life in health, wealth & financial matters,
(2) get more sicknesses,
(3) live a shorter life
? ? ?
Heal your marriage - it can always be done.
Apply the guidance in this webinar
____________________________
Quotation
Quality is never an accident.
It is always the result of intelligent effort.
John Ruskin
click: John Ruskin
At the end of the day, a separation or a divorce will lower the quality of every family members' life and can seriously disturb the children's healthy development.
In most cases they will lower both spouses' quality of life.
By applying the information this seminar provides and by using intelligent effort to make the marriage function well every couple can find the common ground on which to build or rebuild a marriage with heavenly happiness
Is the separation and/or divorce really more important than (1) saving your children's future and (2) saving your own future from all these multiple life-threatening disasters?
.
There is a solution. STAF, Inc. can provide it for you.
Any traditionally started marriage CAN ALWAYS be healed - and once again: the healed marriage is happier than the same marriage ever before.
STAF, Inc. has the knowledge and effective methods for you how to strengthen
your best thing in life -
your marriage with heavenly happiness.
In this world's # 1 free advice website Successo-Pedia©
for all family matters, success, health & wealth
& for the good life
with free Question & Answer service
In this STAF, Inc.'s seminar you will, as a couple & as a family, learn everything you need to have a happy home.
In other tabs in this website you will learn all healthy lifestyle & correct nutrition facts and learn everything else for a successful, financially rewarding life.
Create a weekly family meeting
where everyone (even the toddlers) are present - discuss the material everyone has studied that week and apply the info in your family. Let your children also lead the group (teach how). Your children learn group leading skills and strengthen their self-confidence already at a young age - then they have the courage to lead groups in their school and in their free-time activities at any age. Perhaps one day your child(ren) then have the courage to lead the whole country and be a member of the D.C. elite. These skills with a strong self-confidence carry on to their adulthood and lead to a higher financial success.
Quotation
"A family in harmony will prosper in everything"
Chinese proverb
______________
The principle of
"Getting Married in The Traditional Manner"
explained
The key-term for your lasting marriage happiness
Involve your children to learn human relationships at early age
Start a weekly whole family meeting handling marriage & other topics
Such a meeting will be a powerful improver for strengthening
your family union and any other area of life
Instructions next below
__________
In this STAF, Inc.'s website we often refer to the term
"getting married in the traditional manner".
It means: first you two met, then you started dating, fell in love, proposal, rings, wedding plans, wedding.
This all took some time, it took effort & patience, it took money.
This means "you two had to have REAL LOVE between the two of you" -
otherwise you would not have bothered seeing this much effort.
This process may have taken months or years - the time how long is not the key -
the key is: you had and have the real love between the two of you.
__________________________
The Principle of the Real Love
This is the next key fact
REAL LOVE
NEVER DIES,
never
Quotation
"With true love comes no doubts, no jealousy, and no worries"
(Rity Ghatourev)
Sure you both fell the way the quotation states during your wedding day and may still feel. When you apply the information you and your spouse learn from this advice website, you will every day, forever, feel the same happiness, most likely year after year even stronger & deeper happiness than on your wedding day.
However, research shows: if or when you leave your real love (= separation, divorce) both spouses will create sicknesses, have a shorter life span and suffer lower financial health than you otherwise would. Your children suffer and face 14 life-destroying disasters. The 14 disasters are listed in this tab in several locations - above in this same tab is one list. When you did get married in the traditional manner you will always have real love between the two of you.
Marriages break
because
the spouses never learned the related life skills:
{how to stay happily married & bring blessings to everyone}
and thus, do not know about how to handle the marriage issues.
Good marriage skills
are not given to anyone automatically - they must be learned.
Logically they must be learned before applying for a marriage licence.
Notice: important benefit for the whole family now and in the future:
In your family now, when you take your children with you to the full trip to learn in this internet seminar the
"happy-marriage-skills" and when the children see both of their parents applying the new skills and then succeeding well in their marriage and bringing the new blessings to everyone in your family, they will then apply the same "happy-marriage-skills" in their own marriages already from the first beginning. Finally then, the eternal curse of unhappy marriages is broken and the future generations will be blessed with the same skills.
In a wider scale, STAF, Inc.'s demand is that the new "happy-marriage-skills" must the taught in every school, in every college and in every university.
Based on this internet seminar, STAF, Inc. has developed a new program for teaching the "happy-marriage-skills"
in all our schools.
In this guidance website you and your spouse (and your children for their future) will learn everything you need to keep your marriage filled with heavenly happiness and how to maintain it so that you both can fall every day more & more in love with each other and give a good example to your children for their own marriage.
The Principle of
"The Private Time"
You are married now. If you are still a "newly-wed" couple you spend much time together.
One important thing in every marriage is to give enough private time to your spouse = be alone, go alone, do alone.
That is important also later for the the rest of your life. Talk about these "Private Time" matters and decide together what it all means to both of you and how you are going to make arrangements for your mutual private time. With private time alone you then give enough life & sparks for your time together and your marriage keeps staying filled with the heavenly happiness.
The Principle of
"The Weekly Date Night Together"
A weekly date night together is a must no matter how long you have been married. As newlyweds you probably go out together more often than that - as long as you both agree on the time together.
One important matter that often will lead to a bitter relationship is the time when the first child and the other children come to your family. How is that, you may ask - you both have been eagerly waiting for your first, second, etc. child.
I am sure you have - I have been there myself. BUT: when the children come YOU BOTH will not any more have automatically (as before) so much and perhaps not enough time being together and going out together.
That is why you need to discuss the "Weekly Date Night" topic and decide that you will set that up at the beginning of the week and know then when you will go out to your love date to strengthen your marriage. Then all week you are waiting for that special day with the special moments coming. You both will feel excited of the coming date night - that excitement will make you both show more love to each other during the week.
And that is the first step to misery and a possible start to grow slowly apart and falling into a deeper misery.
It is then important to know that the weekly date night is a MUST because the child(ren) can otherwise take your time 100 % if you let that happen. Then the danger is that you, as a couple, are not investing enough time in each other. Investing too little time to be together, you two alone, will, sooner or later, lead to difficulties.
It is important to know before the children come that YOU need to discuss and recognize, both of you, this topic. I am not guiding you to blame your children for taking so much of their parents' time - I am guiding you to know what you need to do to have a fully happy family and a fully happy marriage.
The children may take so much of your time that you both start growing apart. One day you start asking silently "who is this whom I married - I do not know her/him any more. Is our mutual love dead?"
Know that when you got married in a traditional manner (as most do; traditional = you met, dated, fell in love, proposal, rings, marriage plans) you had REAL, TRUE love between the two of you. How do we know you did?
To bother taking all those steps "getting married in a traditional manner" has taken time, effort & money. To see that much effort you MUST have had REAL, TRUE love between the two of you - otherwise you would not have bothered.
The important statement is: True, real love will NEVER DIE - but to keep the true, real love HOT you must practice the same what you did when you met.
The Principle of Practicing Old-fashioned Courtship
It is important to CONTINUE doing the same things as you did at the beginning
when
you met
=
practice courtship.
It is the continuous courtship that keeps your mutual love alive and hot.
Your weekly date night
is for the courtship purpose.
When the children come and take "all " your time and IF you do not then know that can happen = you are starting to grow apart without the continuous courtship activities.
That is why a weekly date night
is a must
when the children come.
The best and only way is to keep you love relationship hot as it was before you got married. Being married is not the same as being single. When we get married and have children not only do we have to practice ongoing courtship but we all have to also learn to communicate with each other as a couple and as members of our family. The bills, the money, the food, the work, the apartment, the house, the cars, the grandparent, other relatives, etc.
To be happily married is a learned SKILL - no one is born with automatic marriage skills. As children we all do and learn to do what our parents did. Did your parents give a model for a good, happy marriage or the opposite?
Our children do what they see their parents doing - they do not do what we tell them to do.
The happy marriage skills must be taught in every school & college - it is not happening.
We must start doing it - STAF, Inc. has a solution.
About the solution next below.
More detailed activities, as we go forward, how to keep the heavenly happiness in your marriage - all is in this website.
More secrets for your success
below
________________________
New Life
Quotation
"The family is one of nature's masterpieces"
(George Santayana)
Click: George Santayana
Click: The Life of Reason
STAF, Inc.'s demand is
that the principles and skills for a happy marriage, correct, safe child raising & deeply satisfying family life
must be taught
in every school
in the U.S. and worldwide
starting already from the lowest level all the way to the College level.
This is not happening in the U.S. - a big mistake.
In many developed countries these skills are taught in the schools
and it shows in their low divorce numbers.
In addition, broken marriages are
a bigger public economic cost
than is commonly known.
Also the principles for a healthy lifestyle & correct nutrition
must be taught in the same manner in the educational system in all levels.
When these 2 levels of skills have been applied in the modern societies,
the economical savings
are in trillions.
E.g. in the U.S. the yearly saving in the national economy would be in hundreds of billions of dollars - in the same proportions in any nation.
Worldwide much human suffering would be eased and
millions of human lives
could be saved every year.
STAF, Inc. strongly suggests to take these science facts seriously to save your family, to save your children, and to have the heavenly happiness in your marriage by learning & applying the secrets
how to reach & maintain peace in your most important relationship, in your marriage.
Every marriage done in the traditional manner and handled with proper marriage skills & techniques will provide heavenly happiness to both spouses and to the whole family and especially to the children. No one would ever break and leave such a marriage. Would anyone leave the best thing in life? The children born in such a marriage would be growing up as balanced, mentally, emotionally & physically healthy individuals. These skills exist and they can and must be taught in every school.
STAF, Inc. is working on all this to happen and become reality in every school.
All answers to all family & successful, healthy lifestyle topics are in this extensive website. All material in this advice website is built suitable also for College & University degree programs in all degree levels. The same with the material in STAF, Inc.'s TV/Radio Shows (see the tab how to get free College, University & CEU credits, valid worldwide, never expire). Study this whole website material together with your spouse and with your children.
It will take years to go through this whole website but it is worth it.
Seriously - study this whole website material together with all your children as whole family (it will take years but also it takes years to have children growing to adults - so you have all the time needed). When you do that, think what a gift you will give to your children for their human relationships and for their own marriage and for their healthy & financially rich life. Have also the toddlers present and the baby in the family meetings where you handle these topics - all goes in their subconscious minds and stays there for life.
(all babies adopt music & information already in the womb).
Have a weekly study & discussion meeting for the whole family. Everyone reads during the week the same amount of material from this website and then you discuss it in a family meeting (1 - 2 hours) on a day suitable for every family member (e.g. the weather allowing outside in a Sunday pick-nick - have a computer with you). Discuss the topics. Add a variety of topics for the family meetings: not only the marriage material but also nutrition, overweight, smoking, alcohol, drugs, finances, saving, investment, mortgages, technology, ecology etc., etc... - any topic step by step. Then you, slowly but surely, will finally end having for life success a "university level education" from this website material to apply and build a better, healthier richer life for everyone.
Then your children will do better much faster in their own adult lives.
What a blessing.
Quotation
"Knowledge is no power, only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc. CEO)
Make your children shine in rare skills in their school
Give your children knowledge for life in health, happy marriages and
winning in their financial activities
Every family meeting has a chairperson, each time different - then the children learn also those skills and can shine in school with their competence in leading a group discussion or a research project. Your children will learn endless amount of important skills for life-success in your weekly family meetings handling all types of topics necessary for the good life.
Because this website is the World's # 1 free advice website Successo-Pedia© - for all family matters, success, health, wealth & for the good life - Free Question & Answer service,
you never run out of important, beneficial topics.
We all, adults and our youngsters need to learn better life skills and reliable investment techniques.
Learn as a family together how to save, invest and become a (multi-)millionaire-family.
_____________________________________________________
Repetitio est mater studiorum
(Latin)
(Repetition is the mother of study)
In this advice website certain principles are purposely repeated here and there because they form the most important pillars in
your most intimate relationship. Combine the vast information for different situations as you best see it suitable for that specific moment in your own marriage & family. Best would be when both spouses study and practice the guidance together and decide how to modify the details best fit your family's use.
_______________________
Restoring Any Marriage™
Source of happiness
Health & Success
Limbic System
in us all
(the maker or the breaker)
How to avoid arguments
________________________
Basic Advice to be applied already before your wedding day
so you can use this immediately when the first challenge comes
&
For use after the wedding every day and forever as long you live
Study this info with your life partner
Learn & practice this with your partner as soon as you see this website, married or not yet married.
In most marriages already the first week has 2 - 3 arguments. As in health so is it in your marriage: prevention is better than cure. Yet, it is never too late: if you have been married and do have challenges, study this website advice with your spouse and apply & both of you, throw out disaster-bringing habits.
In this website you will learn all you need to have
Heavenly
Happiness in your marriage
Notice: Temporarily, for a technical failure
(is being fixed) forward down the text is missing color and is all in the same (small) font.
Quotation
"Love is blind, hard to find, difficult to get, impossible to forget "
(Unknown)
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Energize your love
A spouse, either one, coming home
what is the first thing to do?
- an effective marriage strengthener -
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The Principle of
The Drop-Everything-And-Go - The Ten-Second-Kiss or -Hug
When your spouse comes home and you are inside the first thing to do is "to drop everything and go" - go where? To the door to meet him/her and greet sweetly in words (your word choice) and then either give each other a 10-second passionate kiss OR a 10-second passionate hug. But wait: before you kiss or hug: if you have children who can count they come also to greet the incoming parent and the children count "loud" from 1 to 10 while their parents either kiss or hug these 10 seconds. If you can still convince your teenagers to come to the same gang-meeting by the door the better.
If you had this good habit before your children came to your life, then the teenagers would love to be involved because they have been doing it since they were toddlers. What is the point here?
First of all the parent who was home "drops everything and goes" shows to the incoming parent that he/she is valued and loved. When your spouse comes in you must show the respect that he/she is more important than a phone call, a movie, or anything else (within reason) - there sure will be situations when one can not "drop everything and go" but then the sp0use who was home must inform loud enough when he/she will be coming to greet in his/her sweetheart in the sweetest manner. Meanwhile children do the same and when all is ready the 10-second kiss or 10-second hug is counted loud by the children. This strengthens the family union and gives the children a good model for their own love life and their marriage. After the 10 second kiss or hug is over, everyone can hoorraah. Then the parent(s) hug every child the full 10 seconds (as decided together) - this way everyone feel equal. As you all together in your family would agree
(do not force or order this) together, create a brief whole family greeting ceremony for every family member who arrives any other time. If possible have the teenagers involved in this loving greeting process - hug them 10 second, too - but agree with your family members how you handle the greetings - except for the parents the 10-second kiss or hug is a "must".
(this text continues below the quotation)
Quotation
"When you look at your life,
the greatest happinesses are family happinesses"
Joyce Diane Brothers
American psychologist, television personality and columnist
Wrote a daily newspaper advice column from 1960 to 2013
Click: Joyce Brothers
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(text continues from above the quotation)
The Principle of
How mutual respect between all family members, parents & children,
will help avoid smoking, drinking, substance abuse, bullying, violence and
will bring financial riches and other blessings to the whole family
Not only you as the married couple but also & especially your children will benefit greatly from the strong family unity these tested health, happiness & financial riches bringing techniques will provide
How - read next below
When every family member is greeted and respected equally and in a warm, loving manner, research shows that those children & teenagers are less involved with smoking, drinking, drugs , bullying, too early sex, driving their first car irresponsibly & with other risky behavior outside their home. This is because their positive childhood experiences have guided them to build a stronger self-confidence.
Then, in school & college and finally in their adult lives, the children with a stronger belief in themselves and in their human positive capabilities have the right courage to seek leaders' positions in school, college & in their adult lives. That winning courage will also guide your children to get better-paid professional positions.
If this initial but always important advice is not applied from the beginning of your marriage, habits can easily lead to a wrong, bumpy road where finally in the darkness no one sees that storm blew the safe bridge away and you as a couple may find yourself in a serious disaster situation with no one around throwing you a lifebelt or otherwise rescue you.
As said: it is never too late - start today - make a plan to learn these peace-bringing techniques, apply them and your marriage turns into the biggest gift in your life. Then you get also your work & other challenges solved much more competently and you both become more successful, healthier & financially richer.
The Principle of how to successfully disagree in anything, yet avoid any screaming of fighting
For the married couple the first & most important principle is to decide together:
(1) we, as a married couple will stay together forever and will never get divorced, (2) when some difficulties appear we will discuss the topic peacefully in privacy, (3) holding each other's both hands while discussing, (4) looking at the face and the eyes of my spouse while discussing, (5) stating together: "we two will find together a good solution to this situation without raising our voices and respecting each other's opinions. If needed we both will sleep 1 - 2 nights and discuss again the situation - the peaceful answer will be there."
At the end of this meeting say to your spouse "I am glad I married you (or state the present situation and the future plan) - I promise to stay married forever to you - I know that together we will find the right solution for this situation.
We will always have peace in our marriage."
Both give all these statement holding lovingly each other's hands and looking at the partner's eyes and both mean what you say.Then you hug and kiss and do whatever private may come to your minds.
The Principle of together signing the document of your marriage agreement
AFTER your wedding
A very good idea, after you gather the marriage success advice from this tab and discuss the topics, is to
create together a written document that you both date and sign.
List on that document all mutually agreed steps what you both commit to to avoid arguments - instead discuss the topic(s) peacefully and how you both agree to behave to avoid unreasonable fights or any fights as it would be always better to discuss any situation in a loving, peaceful manner.
One good technique, as presented above (test & practice) - (agree before the problems arrive) - in an arguments both of you to hold each other's hands, keep holding them to the end of the situation and while speaking look at your spouse's eyes. Works well to avoid heated fights.
For any meeting for peace, to avoid any voice raising (not needed) and heated arguments (not needed), keep a copy of the
Standard Marriage Vow (or close by, including in your cars) in front of you to remind to take your marriage, the most important relationship in life, in a serious responsible manner, not ruin it with sarcasm, with the use of irony to mock
or convey contempt, with raised voices, with blames and lack of respect (those are the most common wrong doings - do not use) but show respect, be calm, kind and encourage each other to find a solution to the situation in a polite manner.
Quote
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
The Bible: 1 Corinthians 13:4
Click green
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Sex life
is part of
a happy & well-functioning
marriage
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The Principle of Exiting Sex Life
We all know that openness with your spouse is one key to success in any life topic.
Discuss sex topics together - sometimes it is not easy. All of us will benefit from reading high-quality
books about marital sex topics. If your home town offers lectures in the marital sex topic participate.
Everyone's sex life has some challenges now and then.
The key is to learn to be open and discuss these topics with your spouse.
If you believe you need help visit a professional sex therapist.
All insurance plans should cover for this service.
Click green below for further info
Sex therapy is the treatment of sexual dysfunction, such as non-consummation, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, low libido, unwanted sexual fetishes, sexual addiction, painful sex, or a lack of sexual confidence, assisting people who are recovering from sexual assault, problems commonly caused by stress, tiredness, and other environmental and relationship factors. Sex therapists assist those experiencing problems in overcoming them, in doing so possibly regaining an active sex life.
The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT)
is an organization that oversees clinical training for a sexual health practitioner to become a certified sex therapist (CST).
This next sentence is more like a legal statement: Any licensed mental health counselor can practice sex therapy.
(It is not STAF, Inc.'s statement - it is the medical association statement)
STAF, Inc.'s opinion is that it is much better to see a specialized sex therapist (CTS)
than just any mental health counselor when it comes to handling sex therapy topics.
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Guidance for
Marriage with
Heavenly
Happiness
continues
Next:
How to avoid fights and stay safely married
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Quotation
"The happiest moments of my life have been the few
which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family"
(Thomas Jefferson)
Click: Thomas Jefferson
3rd U.S. President
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The Principle of
How to Conquer
the Limbic System Animal-Beast
* the maker or the breaker*
-
How to Conquer This Real Beast
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The next topic describes
the animal like behavior based on
the limbic system
in all of us
Most of us do NOT know anything about this beast.
Yet, it is one of the most important
marriage destroying human elements
all of us must know
what it means or can mean
click: Limbic system
* the maker or the breaker*
It is beneficial to study this limbic system and all other info in this tab/page
together with your spouse.
Teach these facts also to your children in your weekly family meetings.
The family meeting instructions are handled in this same tab/page in another location.
When your children know about this limbic beast they can avoid bullying much more effectively and they learn, as you, the parents will learn, how to master our fast anger and expulsive behavior and learn how to master our emotions, stay calm, strong & effective in our communication in a manner that will conquer any obstacle and win any argument in a positive manner without insulting anyone.
As the result the winner will draw positive admiring approval and strong positive attention.
Everyone would like to have such a personality.
You and your children will learn it now here .
A person with this knowledge and these skills will be a chosen leader in any situation.
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"The tongue has the power of success and failure,
and those who love it will eat its fruit."
(The Bible click: Proverbs 18:21)
To know what the limbic system means and what it can can cause in us all and how to avoid the serious challenges it can bring to anyone's marriage is the maker or the breaker.
This topic is perhaps the most important topic to learn to know and handle in order to have a happy, heavenly marriage - the best thing in our human life.
You as a married couple NEED to know the facts relating our limbic system to avoid serious mistakes.
Left uncontrolled it can mean anything - just anything crazy, violent, killings, just name it.
Fortunately, there is a way of avoiding the destroying challenges in can cause.
It is the animal like "fight & run" atavistic*) instinct in all of us and it "sleeps"
in our limbic system.
*) atavistic = relating to or characterized by reversion to something ancient or ancestral
ancestral = of, belonging to, inherited from ancestors
ancestor= the actual organism from which later kinds evolve
FIRST: study together with your spouse what atavistic limbic system in ALL of us is - study the links and the chapters relating to this topic in this page above and below, click the internet links given and search additional information from the internet as you see would be needed.
Do not blame your spouse for having the limbic system - we humans all have it
- it is just how we control it
or if it controls us - it is everyone's own choice.
The best way to control it is
(1) to know it exists in all of us, (2) what it is and what it can cause, (3) how anything bad can happen if left uncontrolled.
Next lines below will tell you in details this potentially one of the most dangerous element in all humans, element most people do not know about and do not know what it can cause.
Why do we humans raise our voices, get angry, lose our temper, call names, scream, do wrong things, get violent, even take weapons and kill in their rage - even though they did not plan for it or did not even think of anything related?
This now refers to a heated argument situation - if someone gets out of control, starts behaving like an animal with a "hit & run" instinct, gets violent or kills someone and does any of that without any preset plan then this is a different situation than when a mentally disturbed individual starts planning mass shooting to kill tens or more people.
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IMPORTANT
The limbic system (in a heated argument) is an atavistic animal instinct,
which in out-of-control behavior
kicks in first
before
any reasoning, more developed human brain parts kick in.
This limbic behavior stays "uncontrolled" on up to about 30 painful minutes
AND then,
after the 30 minutes,
the more intelligent, reasoning parts in us humans starts dominating
and gives us
a healthy control based on our human intelligence.
When we know:
this can & will happen,
then we know that it all can be controlled by us and us alone & we can have peace latest after those 30 minutes.
Then, based on this experience & knowledge we may have a probable possibility, sooner or later, to be strong enough to quiet our atavistic beast in the first place before that beast starts ripping off our understanding how to control our hot, blind, emotions.
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The Principle of how to successfully survive
a heated argument
both of you still smiling in love afterwards
Next below the solution how to stay safe and how to save your marriage
and: this must be done every time a heated argument is about to start
UNTIL YOU BOTH FOR SURE KNOW
that you have learned how to calm down immediately,
and you are stronger than the limbic beast
stay calm and continue politely & respectfully together, without any raised voices or finger pointing, solving the topic to every family member's best. In this calm negotiation situation it would be beneficial
(1) to hold each other's hands and (2) look into each other's eyes
(hard to fight or argue while doing those 2 things)
(both of you must study this - best to study this together)
For the first 30 minutes:
(1) both arguing parties stop arguing and walk calmly & quietly out in a different directions -
both stay apart for 30 minutes (in another room, outside....).
(2) After 30 minutes both spouses/partners come back - both apologize to each other for being impatient (no matter who is guilty - most likely both are). When you both walk away it tells to both of you that not one is guilty for the situation but "it takes two to tango" - when both do the same thing(s), the subconscious mind of both spouses tell "we are both in the same boat" - both equally guilty or equally not guilty = no reason to argue an additional issue "who..." - both did.... or did not.
The point is not who is guilty, the point is, after 30 minutes you both are now calm and can continue your discussion in a peaceful manner & by holding each other's hands and looking at each other's eyes in a loving manner. After these 30 minutes apart, in both of you, the more developed part of your brains have kicked in and makes it possible for both of you to see that arguing & losing one's temper leads nowhere good.
In any discussion at any time (before the limbic system kicks in and rips your human intelligent temporary off) when you both or one of you can detect that this may lead into an argumental fight, suggest to your partner to hold each other's hands and looking into each other's eyes and then continue discussion the topic.
Then you will avoid any heavy arguing & avoid voice raising because you both see that this is funny - no need to fight - we can talk peacefully - that leaves somewhere better. (You had, among the first things in your relationship, agreed together to hold the hands and have the eye contact when sensing some argumental air. Agree on this again, now.)
We humans have an atavistic (= relating to or characterized by reversion to something ancient or ancestral also called the animal instinct fight of run) behavior.
This is important to know and when the above guidance is applied one can actually discuss politely & calmly without raising one's voice and avoid doing other crazy things.
"The tongue has the power of life and death…"
(The Bible: Proverbs 18:21 NIV)
Once more and with additional science details as this can be
"the maker of the breaker"
When we get angry
the limbic system (which is the area of the brain that regulates emotion and memory)
will turn itself on as the dominating process.
click: Limbic system
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Old Wisdom
"We cannot put out fire with more fire"
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The Limbic System is the area of the brain that regulates emotion and memory.
It directly connects the lower and higher brain functions. It influences emotions, the visceral*) responses to those emotions, motivation, mood, and sensations of pain and pleasure. *) visceral = coming from strong emotions and not from logic or reason =
not intellectual, unreasoning, dealing with crude or elemental emotions, visceral, viscera = the internal organs in the main cavities of the body, esp. those in the abdomen, e.g., the intestines.
When arguments (heated) come, the human limbic system kicks on first and stays on 30 minutes until the more developed brain parts start dominating. During the first minutes anything bad, crazy, sick, out of any reasonable dimensions can happen: violence, killings, etc. - just imagine, anything.
The more undeveloped the mind of the person is the less there is any reason and intelligence in the action.
The limbic system is not a mental sickness - it just is the atavistic part in every human's brains.
In all of us:- in you, in your spouse & in your children and in every human being on this earth.
Knowing these facts will help us all to avoid getting overly angry or start behaving in a mentally or physically violent manner.
Every relationship needs work - nothing in life is rewarded without first learning how to get the reward. To have a good profession to support our financial needs we all have to first study how to handle that profession
in order to get the rewards.
The same it is with the relationship. In order to reap the heavenly happiness everyone wants in a marriage one has to learn the principles how to function in the relationship to get the desired reward.
It is amazing that these skills are not taught to everyone in our schools even though a marriage is our basic institution to raise the next generation. No one can be born to know how to handle the marriage & child raising work well without learning the necessary facts first. Yet, we blindly expect that everyone can.
One of STAF, Inc.'s mission plans is to have every person learning all marriage happiness & child raising skills
in our schools.
This seminar teaches all necessary basic skills.
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One way to forgive to your partner is
The Principle of The Unsent Letter
This is something you can do alone.
When something bothers you and you cannot take the matter up at that moment with your spouse (or you are not sure if you can take it up in a "peaceful manner"), write a letter to your spouse, put all your "anger" in that letter and then NEVER give the letter to your spouse.
Like a miracle your anger will be gone and then you can take the same matter (if it is still worth that effort; often it might not after the unsent angry letter) up to a peaceful discussion with you spouse. When you have found your peace after writing the unsent angry letter, then rip the letter in pieces and throw in the garbage in a manner that your spouse (or anyone else) will never see it. You may need one hour, a day or two, to be ready to destroy your unsent angry letter. Because your anger is in that letter you do not need to show anger to your spouse or to anyone else.
It works and you learned that your anger was only a temporary attack by your limbic beast.
However, if the topic is worth to take up for discussions, now you can do it successfully because you anger is gone with the unsent angry letter.
We all must learn that good results can come in any discussion only when both parties are peaceful and can understand the pure facts without being blinded by the beast.
If you are angry with anyone else, a friend or any other person, you can use the unsent angry letter to get rid of your limbic beast. Then you can have a renewed peaceful relationship with anyone you were first angry with.
Click below the link to read how many famous individuals have been using and are using the same principle of the unsent angry letter.
That includes Presidents and other well-known individuals.
If the link has expired search the article in The New York Times with the title "The Lost Art of The Unsent Angry Letter"
Click: The Lost Art of the Unsent Angry Letter
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The Principle of Applying
all guidance you see in this advice website
IN CASE YOU do not apply these marriage strengthening techniques,
sooner or later you need
a divorce lawyer and then it may be too late - that may be the worst of all & it can ruin everyone's life including your children's lives. No one wants that.
Quote
"At the end of the day,
a loving family should find everything forgivable"
Modified from the proverb
"Don’t let the sun go down before you have dealt with the cause of your anger"
(The Bible - click: Ephesians 4:26)
However, we at STAF, Inc. believe
"It is never too late, where there is a will, there is a way".
No need to ruin your marriage -
your marriage is meant for both of you as the best thing in life.
It is the very best thing in life when
you apply all this and other info you will find in this STAF, Inc.'s extensive website, or hear in STAF, Inc.'s Radio/TV Shows (see tab: TV/Radio Shows - original recordings and most show texts on the internet 24/7 - Listeners/Watchers of these shows will/can get CEU, College & University Credits, all free and valid worldwide, never expiring - registration needed: see Radio/TV Show tab for instructions.
If you two or one of you have hard time learning to "behave", go TOGETHER (not just the person showing negative, wrong behavior) to a competent counselor. Please: go together - otherwise the message is "you are wrong, I am right" and that is a wrong way to aim to solve challenges. Together at least at the beginning - later some therapists give separate sessions (STAF, Inc. is not a big fan of the "separate session" practice - marriage is a union of two, both are causing challenges, never one alone (if you got married in a traditional manner).
STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restorers™
are among the most experienced nationwide & worldwide
With the modern technology counseling can be streamed (safe for privacy) to any place nation/world-wide live from and to STAF, Inc.'s office - saves your time & money plus: STAF, Inc. has a sliding scale and STAF, Inc. gives, as the only service giver nationwide/worldwide, a lifetime result guarantee with a one-time fee only.
One-time fee means: at the beginning it is estimated how many sessions are needed to get the desired results for you and based on that estimate the total fee for the service is decided (the fee then can be paid in full or based on a payment plan). Most therapists give service without any end - STAF, Inc. does not because already at the beginning you will know (1) the total cost and (2) the total time involvement. STAF, Inc. services save your money & time, yet the results are guaranteed for a lifetime (no one else does). In addition, STAF, Inc. uses University degree teaching level as your home work (all meant to save your time & money). STAF, Inc. will get the results, as long you (1) did get married in the traditional manner, and
(2) at least one of the two of you wants to save the marriage. Noticed? For STAF, Inc. counselors it is enough if only one spouse wants to restore the marriage. Like "magic" STAF, Inc. can guide both wanting the marriage to be restored.
STAF, Inc.'s advice is:
heal your marriage, when you got married in the traditional manner you had true love between the 2 of you. True love never dies - based on this fact it is wise to heal the marriage, forgive and restore the marriage.
A healed, restored marriage is happier than the time of your wedding day.
STAF, Inc.'s advice: heal your marriage with STAF, Inc.'s competent professionals. You can come personally to our office or you can do it with the modern technology no matter where you live in this world. Live sessions can be safely streamed and the results are worth it. SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE - FORGIVE - STAF, Inc, can do it for you. The saved, healed marriage is the best thing in your life and it also saves your children from serious challenges.
If you are practicing Christian Religion and desire to live by the Bible,
see what The Bible says about divorce:
Basically The Bible states:
God hates divorce - we are meant to be married to the same person until we drop dead. We are allowed to divorce if the one spouse is guilty of fornication - that's all. But: it is better to forgive and the guilty one has to stop fornicating. No one is perfect. A healed marriage is a bigger blessing and a source of even deeper happiness than the same marriage before. Decide to be married for life to the same person - that is practical and wise. When you tied your knot in the traditional manner, you had real love between the two of you. Real love never dies. If you leave your real love, it does not give you peace: you will always feel guilty for leaving something that precious as real love. That guilt will make you physically, emotionally & mentally more or less sick and you suffer the rest of your life. THEN I ask: would it be wiser to forgive, keep your real love & leave happily ever after. I guarantee, this is how it works - several research articles worldwide prove the same fact: a fact is a fact is a fact.... is a fact. Stay married to your spouse, learn to forgive, earn happiness & peace both of you and enjoy the heavenly love, and; one more important blessing: your children will copy your wisdom in their own marriages.
Search and study different links with the keywords:
What does The Bible say about divorce
Have The Bible as your source,yes: The Bible text and not just someone's comment or opinion about the text.
See what The Bible says in its original God-inspired text and trust that as your guide.
Then you, your spouse & your children reap the Heavenly Blessing The Bible promises in God's word.
In case you have some other religion
Do the same and study what that religion's Holy Book tells to do
Search the internet for the answer
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Next additional information how to keep your marriage as the best thing in your life
__________________ NEXT _______________________
The Principle of
A Weekly Date Night
very important
and especially important
when you are married & have children
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The Principle of
The Private Time
for Both Spouses
Both important KEYS to marriage happiness
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A Weekly Date Night
Before you have children you two have enough time to invest in each other and your original love stays strong.
You go out often and do things together and all works well.
Notice: There is also the opposite of the "being together"; the private time for both spouses - the time when both of you need to be alone, go alone where ever you want.
Discuss this "private time" together before you go forward in this advice article. Discuss and agree on your mutual "rules" for your spousal private time alone whatever the reason - agree that there is no need even to tell "why" - just agree that it is enough when one says "I need/want to be alone, I need/want to do this alone, I need/want to go there alone, etc." then the private time is provided without any argument or discussion
(this creates mutual trust - but remember: never abuse that trust, never raise your voice, never criticize,
never call names....).
Back to the beginning of the marriage and before the children come ......
Before the babies come you have more time for sex and you are less tired. When the children come, things change and that is a big challenge. Most couples do not know the challenge your children (even the first one alone) can put on your love relationship. Things start going slowly but surely to a wrong direction. It is not that you do not love your child(ren) - you surely do - they are the best mutual gifts in your marriage. It is not that you do not love your spouse. It is not that your original love is dead - no; real love never dies. It is because the child(ren) take much time, they could use your time 24/7. You both love your children - then your "love quota" gets full and sometimes burdensome. As the result you do not have enough time to be together and nurture the marital love passion in each other. Sometimes you are even too tired to have sex. All these "not having enough time together" can turn into a habit leading to a situation that both spouses start forgetting how good their love passion used to be and you start asking yourself "who is that stranger walking around" - and things get more awkward finally leading to difficulties in your marriage and in your love relationship.
Most couples do not know that "the weekly date night" is a must to keep your love relationship passionate.
THEN: it is a must to have a weekly date night with your partner without any exception
(movie, show, dinner - safe, reliable baby sitter at home - the grandparents are the best babysitters - next best is to exchange babysitting services with your neighbor family, the third best ... is always more risky).
The weekly date night is your romantic time, only the 2 of you
- it reminds you both how much you love each other.
NOTICE:
Without the weekly date night
your chances to stay happily married for a lifetime are close to zero;
You must nurture your mutual romantic love feelings - the reward will be worth it -
the reward is priceless: Heavenly Happiness in your love relationship (even your children benefit from it).
If you do not have this - your marriage is in trouble
- a weekly a romantic date night is a must.
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Only if you both agree you can take a copy of the Marriage Vows
below with you to your weekly date night and go it through together both of you giving your vows to each other based on this Marriage Vows text. It creates miracles - saves marriages - saves suffering - saves money - saves your children - be a newly-wed couple every week again and again -
Please be careful with this Marriage Vows repeating routine - test it and do only what you both agree - if your tests show e.g. doing it weekly is "too much", then see how you both feel when doing it e.g. once a month = in every 4th of your date nights. It is not meant to be a routine "burden". If you do it e.g. once a month, create something extra for that weekly date night.
Re-living your marriage vows is meant to make your union stronger.
To repeat the marriage vow is meant to inspire and invigorate & add life and energy in your marriage.
Test it out and see how you both best can apply its powerful energizing effect.
Principle of re-living your wedding day
and renewing your mutual wedding vows once a year
However, this next re-living action
is a must
Once a Year,
on your anniversary, re-live your wedding day
and go through the marriage vows ceremony
with your friends, family, children etc. present as the witnesses - have the Pastor/Rabbi/Minister or any marriage administrator present doing all as if it wear a real marriage. Yearly done as long as you both live this action is a real powerful love relationship improver. Serve something festive or simple according to your financial situation or ask your guest bring wine, beer, champagne, food or create otherwise a festive situation. Re-living your marriage vows is a must to do once a year - it creates miracles in your marriage.
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STANDARD MARRIAGE VOWS
Copy & Paste for printing
As the title below states "Standard....."
If you are a member of a religious community & if you so desire, type, before printing, your religious marriage vow statement in the standard form in a place you like it fits best. If needed search the internet for that statement, or call your church leader for the vow info.
The standard form below has a sentence "Will you love and comfort him/her, honor and keep him/her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?"
This is almost the same info as is in many religious vows.
E.g., in Christianity a common addition is
"Let no human put apart what God has joined together today."
STANDARD MARRIAGE VOWS
My friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and
beauty of committed marital love, and to add our best wishes to the words which shall unite
(Groom’s First Name)_____________________________________________________________________
and (Bride’s First Name) __________________________________________________________________
in marriage.
(OPTIONAL): Who gives this woman to be married to this man?
The commitment that the two of you are about to make is the most important commitment that two people can make, you are about to create something new, the marriage relationship, an entity that never ends. As you stand here today, are you now prepared to begin this commitment to one another? (I am) Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage? (I have)
(Groom’s First Name)_________________________ and (Bride’s First Name)____________________________
I would ask that you both remember to treat yourself and each other with dignity and respect; to remind yourself often of what brought you
together today. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your marriage deserves. When
frustration and difficulty assail your marriage - as these do to every relationship at one time or another - focus on what still seems right between you, not only the part that seems wrong. This way, when clouds of trouble hide the sun in your lives and you lose sight of it for a moment, you can remember that the sun is still there. And if each of you will take responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.
(Groom’s Full Name)___________________________will you have this woman to be your wedded wife?
(I will)
Will you love and comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?
(I will)
(Bride’s Full Name_______________________________ will you have this man to be your wedded husband?
(I will)
Will you love and comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live? (I will)
Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent (before these witnesses) by repeating after me:
I, (Groom’s First Name)________________________
take you (Bride’s First Name)_________________________
to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in
health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.
(Groom places ring on Bride’s finger and repeats after Judge)
(Bride’s First Name)____________________________take this ring as a sign of my commitment and fidelity to you.
I, (Bride’s First Name)_______________________ take you (Groom’s First Name)_______________________
to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.
(Bride places ring on Groom’s finger and repeats after Judge) (Groom’s First Name)_________________________
take this ring as a sign of my commitment and fidelity to you.
(Groom’s First Name)__________________________and (Bride’s First Name)___________________________,
in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in Matrimony, have promised your commitment to each other by these vows, (and) the joining of your hands (and the giving of these rings), by the authority vested in me by the State of (your state), I now pronounce you Husband and Wife.
Congratulations, you may kiss your bride.
May I present to you Mr. and Mrs. ______________________________________________
Quotation
Patience with family is love - Patience with others is respect - Patience with self is confidence - Patience with God is faith.
(Unknown)
Copy & paste for printing (Marriage Vows)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
____________________________
Quote
"Family is the foundation of American life.
If we have stronger families, we will have a stronger America"
(President Bill Clinton)
Click: Bill Clinton
____________________________________________________
The better future principle in this internet Marriage & Family Success Seminar
The Principle of continuous Learning
for a happy, forever-lasting marriage, for a brilliant family raising successful children, for a financially richer life (become a multi-millionaire?) and for a healthier, longer life with less or no sicknesses
All material in this seminar is based on the most recent science
& is suitable for the use in the College & University level education
for all degree levels: Associate, B.A., M.A., Ph.D.
Legal warning:
To copy any part of this advice website
is permitted only under certain circumstances
For info go to the end of the Home page
________________________
The End
Section one
_____________________________
_____________________________
The Beginning
Section two
of the internet seminar
"How to have a lasting marriage
filled with the Heavenly Happiness"
or
Eat the BEAST first
before the BEAST eats you
(refers to the limbic system inside us all)
click: Limbic system
___________________________________
This advice website page continues below
with hundreds of successful family and happy marriage related articles.
Your family, as every family nationwide & worldwide,
needs the information in all articles below in this page.
Your marriage is for life so is fueling your mind with positive ideas and
results-bringing techniques to keep your most important relationship in life,
your precious, beautiful marriage rewarding and filled with heavenly happiness.
STAF, Inc.'s internet seminars and other learning services will secure your personal success
in your bond for life.
Study all section 2 articles below together with your spouse & with your children
in your weekly family study group
and
apply the information.
Quotation
"Knowledge is no power, only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc. President)
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For your study group
(1) Give a inspiring name to your study group;
(2) Register your study group with STAF, Inc. and the World's #1 Advice Website Successo-Pedia©
(3) Forward to STAF, Inc.your (3.1) group a name, (3.2) your contact information (= email ) - give an email that can be publicly listed, (3.3) how many members, (3.4) are your children in the group (how many + their ages), and (describe your study group goal (3.5) (4) Contact STAF, Inc. & The advice website Successo-Pedia© via this email: [email protected]
STAF, Inc. will forward your related information, answer all your questions and keep you updated with new events, seminars, meetings, inventory, work opportunities etc. nationwide & worldwide.
Your study group can be located nationwide or worldwide anywhere. Our official language is English.
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The Principle of Continuous Learning
- The better future principle in this internet Marriage & Family Success Seminar -
Everyone's life needs continuous learning - the key to keep your mind sharp &
to avoid dementia and Alzheimer's.
After your study group has finished the section 2 articles you probably want to continue with seminars for other life success topics. STAF, Inc. will deliver to you list of other webinars, internet seminars, and a list of live seminars , or other events in several refreshing resorts
or other uplifting locations.
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All material in this advice website is based on the most recent science
& is suitable for the use in the College & University level education
for all degree levels: Associate, B.A., M.A., Ph.D.
Legal warning:
To copy any part of this advice website
is permitted only under certain circumstances
For info go to the end of the Home page
________________________
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Section 2
The Family & Marriage tab
Restoring Any Marriage© - RAM©
continues here
with related information using
a broad focus
of all types of articles relating to your marriage, relating to your family, to your babies, toddlers & children of any age, relating to food & nutrition, to health & healthy lifestyle, to family finances, and everything else relating to a married life with or without children
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Article 1 of hundreds to come below
Single-Parent Household
Linked to Hypertension in Offspring
New Science info 2013
Click green for further info
A new study of black men suggests that
living with both parents in childhood
reduces the risk
for high blood pressure in adulthood.
Previous studies have found an association of hypertension with childhood poverty, but this analysis,
Click: published online in Hypertension,
is the first to find
a link between
high blood pressure and a childhood spent
in a single-parent household.
Researchers studied 515 black men older than 20 between 2001 and 2008. More than half of the men had high blood pressure and about one-third never lived with both parents. After adjusting for age, family history of hypertension and other variables, they found that compared with men who never lived with both parents, men who had lived with both parents at any time in their lives had an average systolic blood pressure that was 4.9 millimeters of mercury lower. Among those who had lived with both parents for between one and 12 years, the average was 6.5 millimeters of mercury lower.
The authors acknowledge that living with both parents may be connected to higher socioeconomic status, which could influence blood pressure, and that the study can draw no conclusions about causality.
Still, the lead author, Debbie S. Barrington, a senior research fellow at the click: National Institute on Minority Health and Health Disparities, said it is a provocative finding. “The magnitude of the effect is very large,” she said, “even stronger than the effect of certain blood pressure medications.”
Source: click: published online in Hypertension
Click for online magazine: Hypertension
See the list next below relating to this above article
________________________________________________________________
See an article next above relating to # 13 on the list below
IMPORTANT INFO
14 disasters every child is facing
in a separation & divorce
STAF, Inc. saves lives
____________
Study this list of the 14 terrible life-destroying disasters
a parental separation or a divorce will cause
(1) to your children & (2) to you, the parents
All of these 14 disasters are based on the most recent science
The separating or divorcing spouses will experience
(1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and
(2) to added financial difficulties.
Every child experiencing a parental separation or divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here:
(1) overall increased risks to health & welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) Highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
(13) Serious high blood pressure challenges in his/her adult years
when growing up in single-parent family (14) Children's obesity rate rises 104 % with parents' divorce
_________
Notice:
Relating to the above "list of 14" it is interesting to also know:
(1) if the other spouse for any reason dies before the children are adult and the children grow up with only one parent,
these 14 life-destroying disasters seem not to happen to the children,
(2) they happen in a separation or divorce situation.
What do you think the reason(s) might be for that phenomenon?
A little down in this page is an article titled
A Special New York City story - bravery with a lot of courage
College, Not Just for Himself, but for His Son
What do you think, will the child face these 14 disasters in his situation?
We'd like to hear your opinion
Email your opinion to: [email protected]
By all means: avoid any separation and never get divorced
By getting separated or divorced your child(ren) will be facing more or less of these life-destroying challenges - is this what you want to your child(ren)?
Heal your marriage - It can be done - STAF, Inc. will help.
Just alone to apply the information in this guidance website you can heal your marriage.
If you need further help, contact STAF, Inc. - we will help.
Contact info in the home page.
By all means: avoid any separation and never get divorced
A better choice for health & wealth and for your children's successful future is
to heal your marriage - STAF, Inc. WILL guide you and your family to have a new life. ___________________________
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How to Clean Baby Bottles
Q: How often should baby bottles be washed and/or sterilized between feedings?
A: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that a baby bottle be washed after every feeding with hot water and soap, then allowed to dry thoroughly.
This helps prevent the growth of bacteria, which thrives in water or leftover milk.
Click: American Academy of Pediatrics
While your mother and grandmother may have used boiling water to sterilize baby bottles, doctors say there is no longer a need to do this. They now say that if your water is safe enough to drink, it’s safe enough for cleaning.
Bottles can be washed by hand or in the dishwasher, as long as they are dishwasher-safe. And make sure to wash your hands before feeding a baby with a bottle.
Also, bottles should be free of the estrogen mimicking chemical click: bisphenol A, more commonly known as BPA.
In 2012, the click: Food and Drug Administration banned its use in baby bottles and cups. The F.D.A. said that it had “some concern about the potential effects of BPA on the brain, behavior and prostate gland of fetuses, infants and children.”
To find out more about washing baby bottles and for a brief history of infant feeding, which includes the use of a pickled cow’s nipple about a century ago, watch the video.
Source: NYT/WELL
Click: American Academy of Pediatrics
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About how the toddlers learn - Important info - apply
To Smoosh Peas Is to Learn
to smoosh = squash, crush, or flatten
In a study published in Developmental Science Developmental Science,
16-month-old children were taught new names for foods like jelly and syrup, then tested to see if they could connect those names with the foods when they were presented in different colors and shapes.
The conclusion? The toddlers learned better if they had, shall we say, interacted vigorously with the original samples — in other words, had played with their foods.
The study was widely picked up by media outlets, and headlines trumpeted that a toddler’s propensity toward mealtime mess might actually be a sign of intelligence (a media trope not unlike the periodic celebration of the messy desk and the creative adult mind). On some level, it would seem, we are all very ready to cheer for the child with a face well covered in chocolate pudding.
But the experiment brings up a number of interesting questions about how children learn, about the role of play and exploration. And maybe even about table manners.
The psychologists who did this research were interested in the question of how babies learn about “nonsolid” objects. “We had noticed in our lab work before that children are much better at learning names for new solid objects that they didn’t know before,” said Lynn Perry, now a postdoctoral research associate at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, and lead author of the study.
Since solid objects have fixed characteristics, it’s relatively easy for a toddler to figure out what makes a cup, ball or chair. “It’s harder for them to learn the names of nonsolids,” Dr. Perry said. “You can’t just look and know what it is. You have to use your senses and explore a little more.”
The researchers reasoned that children’s most regular context for exploring nonsolid substances comes at mealtime, and that putting them in highchairs might help them learn the names of such substances. In fact, children sitting in highchairs did learn better in the study.Parents were also asked to describe their toddlers’ usual behavior at meals at home, and each child was scored for messiness. “It was the ones who were messy at home who, when we put them in the highchair in the lab, showed the best learning,” said Larissa Samuelson, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Iowa, who supervised the research.
So the messy eater experiment is really about the developing brain, and the cues and contexts that small children need to create lexical categories — everything covered by a particular word — a challenge especially when the category is not defined by a shape. The children who squidged (= squeeze; To squash, most often between one's fingers)
around in the cream of wheat, tasted it, smeared it, did various unmentionable things with it — they were the children who understood what cream of wheat was. They could identify it even if it came in a different shape and was doctored with green food coloring. The messy eater experiment is also about play, and the way that children explore their worlds and learn as they go. Toddlers play with their food because toddlers play with their worlds. And by playing and exploring, they accumulate all kinds of data, which helps them put together a picture and a vocabulary for the world around them.
“They literally taste the world by putting things in their mouths, by making them make their sounds, shaking them,” said Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, a professor of education at the University of Delaware and co-author of “A Mandate for Playful Learning in Preschool.”“Didactic information just falls flat,” she said. “They have to figure out for themselves, and the only way they can do this is by messing around.”Some experts worry that in a world of sophisticated digital entertainments, children may find fewer opportunities to create their own explorations. And we might wonder whether real-life investigations seem more obtrusive or chaotic to parents accustomed to their children’s virtual messing around.
But mealtime will always offer opportunities to explore. “These simple everyday activities like eating that we might take for granted, for the child really are rich sources of information,” Dr. Perry said.
I once worked in a clinic for young children who weren’t gaining weight — in pediatrics, the syndrome is called failure to thrive. Some of the parents had come through refugee camps and times of great hardship, and the sight of a small child “wasting” food by playing with it was very disturbing. We took those concerns seriously, with strategies to allow the children to handle their own food and feed themselves without it looking like too much food was being wasted, and that helped with nutritional intake.
So we can celebrate the sophisticated science that toddlers learn in their highchairs, matching new substances to those they have already encountered. “Babies are learning through their play and their exploration, and they can build on that for subsequent learning,” Dr. Samuelson said.
Still, I can’t leave this subject without a word about table manners. Sixteen-month-olds are too young for those lessons, but at a certain developmental point, you come out of the highchair and join those around the table — in exchange for giving up some of the messier mealtime pleasures.
So maybe we should consider manners and polite behavior the ultimate nonsolids for children to identify and master, new real-life learning opportunities that arise when families gather at the table.
Click green for further info
Source: Developmental Science
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The Baby & Childcare in the U.S. and Worldwide
Lacks Proper Training
Risking The Lives of Thousands of the U.S. Babies
and Millions of Worldwide
The text by Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., D.D. (STAF, Inc.'s founding President)
STAF, Inc. has a solution to this situation
This is an important topic for anyone in the U.S. nationwide and
in any country worldwide
This information saves lives - in thousands every year in the U.S. and in millions worldwide
Multigenerational Household
is a good solution to the childcare problem - it saves lives, saves money
Study the 2 articles next below
The next article below this childcare article shows a new trend in the U.S. & also worldwide:
The father often stays home full-time when the mother is the only breadwinner.
This is because in some family situations the mother may be earning (much) more income than the father.
Both parents can sure be equally good or equally bad baby care takers
depending if they have or do not have any needed, related training.
Just to be alive and an adult is not enough to be capable of handling a baby,
or a toddler or an older child or guiding a teenager. We humans are not born with the caretaker's automatic skills - the skills must be learned based on the facts not in any possible harmful family traditions or fiction.
More knowledge & training is needed.
STAF, Inc. has been working on these important issues
already for a few years
and has developed certain guidelines to solve this important situation
Competent level of training and other good solution models for the baby/child care arrangements have been existing in Europe for some time especially in the Scandinavian countries: Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark. These countries are among the most emancipated (= liberated) countries. E.g. when a baby is born, either parent can decide to stay home full-time to take care of the baby and get full pay for several months and stay even longer
(with or without pay) and then return to the same job (all based on their legislation). In case both parents want to keep working, the Scandinavian and most other European countries have free daycare centers with teachers of university level training.
The U.S. lacks very much behind.
STAF, Inc. supports the Scandinavian/European model because it gives the baby a better chance to develop in a healthy, safe manner.
The best guardian for any baby is one of their parents WHEN the parent is given some basic training in the topic.
In Europe these skills are taught in schools, in the U.S. mostly not. In general, especially in the U.S. (where the home care services are often of low quality) the parents leave the baby care in the hands of a low-trained or a no-trained person thus risking the baby's safety. Most baby caretakers have no clue how to handle the baby. Nor do the parents themselves often have any knowledge because no training is given in the public or in private schools in these topics. (Some exceptions among the U.S. school exist.) Because of the lacking training we now and then see in the news how the baby care taker (or even a parent) accidently killed the baby - all because of lack of training and/or lack of knowledge what a baby needs, how to handle a baby, etc. It is not enough just to be a walking adult and qualify for handling babies and children and their needs.
We are not born with those skills. They must be learned.
In many European countries and especially in the Scandinavian countries the baby care takers have completed a several-year long University level training with a B.A. or M.A. degree - the same level as any teacher would have. For the U.S. and worldwide STAF, Inc. demands better, wider & higher-level training and tighter licencing screening for any person who is allowed to take care of any baby or a child. The risks are too high. Just any parent does not know how to take care of a bay - but at least in a parent there are stronger love-bonds (which can make the care more reliable) between the baby and his/her natural parent.
In the same way any babysitter (often a teenager) must have a brief training how to handle a baby or any child to avoid accidents and avoid raged temper. A few hour training + licencing is better than no training.
Also, IF and when a parent stays home to take care of the baby, we must have a few hour training to both parents (in the hospital where the baby was born) how to feed & handle the baby BEFORE releasing the baby home.
This is because too often the limbic rage in any human being can harm the baby and even accidently kill.
click: Limbic system
A person just being the parent often have no clue how to handle, feed & clean the baby - how could any - and accidents can happen. E.g. most people do not know that if one even lightly shakes the baby the baby's still soft brains bang the skull and the brain damage can be a life-long condition. Even the death can result in such a situation. Yet, in many countries, and even in the developed U.S. the knowledge demanding baby care is left just to anyone's hands. That's is very wrong.
For the safety of our babies STAF, Inc. demands that competent, brief training (1) for happy marriages,
(2) for baby/child/teenager care. The related topics must be taught in every school and repeat in every College before graduation because every citizen, every person needs to be prepared to have these skills.
In addition the proper training must be developed for certifying competent professionals for these topics.
When writing this text this is not happening in the U.S. and not in many other developed countries either.
STAF, Inc. demands that our federal U.S. legislation must be created in a way that a parent CANNOT just leave a baby or a child in anyone's care who has no training in baby/child care . The very minimum would be a government proved reliable list of facts to go through together with the parent and with the temporary, short-term baby/child watcher. A federally accepted checklist of the "ABC"s of what to and what not to do with a baby or a child. The same checklist should be distributed to every home and by law state its visibility in every home for the parents and everyone else's use.
These are basic ideas - but these actions must be taken and federal laws developed to save human lives. Thousands of babies and children die every year in the U.S. alone (then add the worldwide numbers) because of the lack of knowledge in baby & child care. One baby to die is too many when the baby died because of this lacking basic information in the U.S. and still in most countries worldwide. In the undeveloped countries the situation is even worse.
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit- is working in improving these situations - STAF, Inc.'s work is nationwide in the U.S. and fully worldwide.
One more principle is important: based on research STAF, Inc. strongly warns to leave any baby or any child
to anyone whom you do not know well for even an evening before the child is old enough to report reliably to the parents if the baby sitter or the caretaker has had abusive behavior. Based on research at least 50 % of any babysitters or any caretakers have physically, verbally or otherwise abusive behavior.
ALWAYS, if you have trained or untrained babysitter/child caretaker in your home have effective video recorder installed in every unlocked room.
Just recently there was a news story: The family dog "told" the parents that the baby sitter had been abusive to the baby. HOW could a dog tell it? A new babysitter came - in a few days the dog was quiet and behaved well. Then one day it started barking at and showing anger towards the babysitter when the parents came home. The parents became suspicious and installed a video monitoring system and witnessed that the dog was right: the baby sitter was in man ways abusive towards the baby. The monitoring system proved it.
Be careful - these are important matters. The training in these topics MUST be provided nationwide/worldwide in every school before graduation. Then a second time in the College/University before graduation. And the training must be given to BOTH parents in the hospital where the baby was born. The repeat training can be done in one hour, the first time training takes longer.
With these suggested actions, all based on U.S./worldwide research, thousands of baby/child lives will be saved every year in the U.S. and many more worldwide
STAF, Inc. needs your donations for its important work
Donate now - instructions in the home page
Do donate later may mean forgetting
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Click the green topic below for the text & pictures
If the link has expired search The New York Times with the topic - the article was published in
The New York Times
on Sunday, December 8, 2013
The New York Times articles are available from their archives forever
Please study the related article above first before reading the NYT article
Click the green topic below for the text & pictures
Click: Wall Street Mothers, Stay-Home Fathers
For growing numbers of women on Wall Street, stay-at-home husbands are enabling them to compete at work with new intensity.
______________________
"In time of test, family is best"
(Burmese Proverb)
Burma, officially the Republic of the Union of Myanmar, commonly shortened to Myanmar
click: Burma
_____________________________
Read this - and: copy the solution in your family
A healthy trend - A solution to many difficulties - Saves Money & Saves Suffering
Is also a safe solution to a perfect childcare
(the topic of the article next above)
Together Again
Multigenerational Households
on the Upswing
Date: December 2013
2011 more than 51 million Americans — about one in six — lived in a multigenerational household
The term
"multigenerational household"
refers to an arrangement not uncommon today among some ethnic groups and viewed as an encouraging & healthier throwback to the way many families lived decades ago.
Definition
"multigenerational"
The U.S. Census Bureau defines multigenerational families as those consisting of more than two generations living under the same roof. Many researchers also include households with a grandparent and at least one other generation.
Nationwide in the U.S. and Worldwide in Every Country
This story is from New York City - but the same model is valid worldwide
Click green for further info
Article 1 of 2 (Article 2 of 2 next below) Study both articles
The kitchen of the Thomas house in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, exudes an air of cozy domesticity.
Khadija Benmakhlouf, wearing pink corduroys and a crimson shirt, is perched on a stool poring over her kindergarten math homework. Her grandmother, Tupper Thomas, who is curled up in a nearby armchair, offers encouraging shout-outs from the sidelines.Around 5 o’clock, Khadija’s mother, Phaedra Thomas, bustles in from her job as a community development consultant in Red Hook with her son, Teddy, 3, whom she has picked up from day care. Within minutes the kitchen is flooded with an intoxicating aroma as lamb chops from the halal butcher down the street sizzle in the oven.
The two women moved into the two-family house in February, dodging workers as their contractor, the M & H Art General Construction Corporation, transformed the century-old home into a dwelling suitable for a 21st-century family. “I’m a big believer in this sort of arrangement, maybe because it never happened for me when I was a parent,” said Tupper Thomas, a longtime resident of Park Slope who retired three years ago from a three-decade career as the president of the Prospect Park Alliance. “I didn’t have that mom person around.”
With several generations in residence, the Thomas household represents a housing model that social scientists are paying a lot of attention to these days, one that grows out of a phenomenon that economists call “shrinking households” or “missing households.” The terms refer to an arrangement not uncommon today among some ethnic groups and viewed as an encouraging & healthier throwback to the way many families lived decades ago.
The challenges of multigenerational families are considerable — witness the flood of recent books on how to navigate the situation — but the financial, practical and emotional benefits can be great. The impetus for the growing number of such households is the recession that started in late 2007, whose lingering effects persist. During tough economic times, economists say, fewer new households are created than would be expected, because people are more likely to double up than strike out on their own. Statistically, they go missing. Recent college graduates moving back home — so-called boomerang kids — are only part of the story. Whether prompted by a lost job, a house foreclosed or a sinking pension, grown children and their elderly parents are increasingly coming together under a single roof. Census figures show an uptick in the number of multigenerational families in New York. One measure of the increase is the number of households in which someone 60 or older is identified as the parent of the head of the household. In these families, the assumption is that elderly parents are living with their grown children.
Between the 2000 census and the 2009-2011 American Community Survey figures, the number of such households in New York increased by 5 percent. The increases are especially large in Staten Island (up 21 percent) and Queens (up 8 percent). (Note: Staten Island & Queens are the 2 of NYC's 5 boroughs (= part, district) the other 3 are Manhattan, The Bronx & Brooklyn) Both boroughs have large numbers of two-family houses, often called mother-daughter homes, with an attached apartment on the side or in the basement. And the New York numbers are reflected nationally and worldwide. According to a 2011 report titled “Family Matters: Multigenerational Families in a Volatile Economy,” published by Generations United, an organization that supports this population, more than 51 million Americans — about one in six — lived in a multigenerational household. This number represents an increase of more than 10 percent since the recession began, the organization said.
“Our report found that in 66 percent of the households, the current economic problems were the cause,” said Donna Butts, the executive director of Generations United. “But while many families came together because of the economy, they stayed together by choice. People expect stress from this arrangement, but they don’t expect the benefits. The downside is that our culture is so focused on independence that pushing against the culture is considered shameful.
I tell them, wake up and smell the demographics.”
The Thomas family is a classic example.
At the time they decided to live under a single roof, Tupper Thomas, 69, was living in a condo on Eastern Parkway, and her daughter, 37 and recently divorced, was living in Bay Ridge. When the mother proposed that they take up joint residence in the neighborhood, her daughter’s reaction was instantaneous: “Oh, my God, that would be fabulous! Are you serious?”Tupper had proposed the idea, in part, because she was an ardent fan of the support system a multigenerational family could provide. “As a girl growing up in Minnesota,” she said, “my grandmothers were part of the family. They were there when the kids came home from school.” Their white house with red brick pillars, which cost $800,000, is, like its sisters on the block, a two-family structure. In warm weather the front porch is wreathed in purple wisteria.
The first floor, with a separate door leading to Tupper’s quarters, is the heart of the house, with a spacious open kitchen where the family eats most meals, and a living room that faces the tree-lined street. The second and third floors, home to Phaedra and her children, include a playroom, the communal washer-dryer and Phaedra’s childhood bunk bed, dotted with her old glow-in-the-dark stickers.
The neighborhood is ideal. Phaedra’s former husband, Mohamed Benmakhlouf, with whom she shares custody of their children, is close by, as is his auto repair business, Carma Car Care.
The mother bought the house. The daughter, who works part time, pays a monthly rent of $1,500, a figure that includes her share of taxes and utilities. Household expenses are shared, and the daughter benefits from free child care. “And over time, she’ll take care of me,” Tupper said. “It’s a smart investment for both of us.”Both women feel they have been lucky to escape the problems that can encumber such an arrangement.“It’s usually complicated when you have two adult women under one roof,” Tupper said. “But we just really have a lot of fun.” Her daughter chimed in: “You know what it’s like to have your mom, who you know and trust and love, helping take care of your children? It’s unbelievable.”
The Thomas family came together under one roof voluntarily. That is not always the case.In August, after being laid off from a job, Elizabeth Sollazzo moved back to the house in Staten Island where she had grown up. She hopes that the arrangement will be temporary, but so far things are working well. What could have been a fraught situation, in part because Ms. Sollazzo’s mother has Alzheimer’s disease, has proved unexpectedly rewarding.
“To be honest, I didn’t know how everything would work out,” John Sollazzo said of his daughter’s return to the family homestead. “She has her ways, I have mine. But I’m happy as all heck that she’s around. I’ve loved every minute of it, and I miss her when she’s gone.” From 2006 to 2011 Ms. Sollazzo worked for the Arthur Kill Correctional Facility on the island, making $49,000 a year as a teacher of art to inmates. At the time she was living in Brooklyn. But after she lost her job at the end of 2011, she was unable to pay her rent.
And so she returned to the Sollazzo family home, a two-family red-brick and white-clapboard structure with twin evergreens in the pocket-size front yard. Mr. Sollazzo and his wife, Frances, both 74, had bought the house for $27,000 in 1970, not long after their marriage. The younger Ms. Sollazzo, who is 49, has vivid memories of picking black raspberries in the woods behind the house, and many decorative details that defined the house during her childhood are still in place. Shelves packed with silver bowls and goblets, now slightly tarnished, line the living-room walls. Photographs of the Sollazzos’ long-ago wedding abound.
Ms. Sollazzo’s childhood bedroom, where she still sleeps, is similarly unchanged. Even the wallpaper, a white-on-white background embossed with rosettes, has survived. One of the few new additions to the house is the 55-inch flat-screen television set, a Christmas gift to her parents.
Ms. Sollazzo, who is divorced and the mother of two grown children, makes $15 to $23 an hour working two part-time jobs. She teaches art at Intermediate School 30 in Brooklyn under the auspices of NIA, a community services group, and at the Art Lab at the Snug Harbor Cultural Center.
She has started selling Mary Kay cosmetics — the additional money helps her contribute to the cost of food and cleaning supplies — and she makes a little extra selling her own artwork. Having inherited political genes from her father, a retired firefighter so active in local Democratic Party politics that islanders affectionately call him “Mr. Democrat,” she also worked as a campaign coordinator for Mendy Mirocznik, a Staten Islander who ran unsuccessfully for City Council.
“To be able to come back to the house was a good thing,” Ms. Sollazzo said. “It can be hard, because there are lots of different opinions with several people under one roof.” But though she intends to stay just until she can get back on her feet, “I’m very thankful I had a place to come home to. It makes it better for everyone.”
That seems to be the case. Mr. Sollazzo recently had triple bypass surgery, and while he is now in robust health, he treasures having an energetic, like-minded daughter around. Aides help care for his wife. But he said his daughter’s presence, and her help with cooking, cleaning and laundry, had made it possible for his wife to remain at home rather than be moved to a nursing home.
Most multigenerational families live outside of apartment-heavy Manhattan, where it’s easier to retrofit a free-standing house or a family-owned brownstone to make room for additional people.
Yet it can be done in Manhattan, as Nathan Vogel, a marketing research consultant, discovered three years ago when he redid his 1,550-square-foot apartment on West 70th Street to accommodate his widowed mother, Rachel, 93.
“My parents lived across the street,” said Mr. Vogel, who is 62 and the father of two teenage sons. “But after my father died four years ago, my mother was increasingly frail and less sharp. She also has leukemia. My wife suggested, ‘Why doesn’t she live with us?’ ” As it turned out, the mother stayed until this past October.
In preparation for the move, the Vogel apartment was reconfigured. Two-thirds of the dining room was removed to create a sleeping alcove. Walls were shifted in a way that reduced the size of both boys’ bedrooms. Closets came and went.
One result of the move was that Mr. Vogel’s mother, whose sole source of income was Social Security, no longer had to pay monthly rent of $3,000. But the tens of thousands of dollars spent for new construction offset any potential savings.
In any case, Mr. Vogel said: “We didn’t do this for financial reasons. It just seemed like the right thing to do. And for the first two years it was wonderful for all of us.” He has especially warm memories of his mother, a Holocaust survivor, lighting the Sabbath candles and reciting prayers on Friday nights as her grandsons looked on.Nevertheless, the burdens increased. Privacy became a greater issue, especially as the children got older. After Mr. Vogel’s mother slipped and fell on her way to the bathroom early one morning, the son started to sleep on a couch in the living room, adjacent to his mother’s bedroom, rigging a set of chairs that squeaked and awakened him if she was up and about. As a result he rarely had an uninterrupted night’s sleep.In October, after the second hospitalization within a week, Ms. Vogel was moved to a rehabilitation center. The next step, her son thinks, will be an apartment in the neighborhood with a live-in aide.
He sometimes wonders what the experience might have been like if he lived somewhere else. “In the suburbs,” he said, “it would have been completely different. You could dedicate a room.
But how many people can you crowd into 1,550 square feet?”
Click green for further info
Source: NYT
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Next below article 2 of 2 -
A must to study - additional multigenerational information
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Article 2 of 2 (Article 1 of 2 next above - a must to read)
Multigenerational Household Information
Click green:
Generations United
What is a Multigenerational Household?
The U.S. Census Bureau defines multigenerational families as those consisting of more than two generations living under the same roof. Many researchers also include households with a grandparent and at least one other generation.
Multigenerational Household Key Facts
Multigenerational households have rapidly increased in the last few years:
- One in six Americans currently lives in a multigenerational household
- The number rose from 46.5 million in 2007 to 51.4 million by the end of 2009 -- a 10.5 percent increase in just three years.
- In 1980 multigenerational households accounted for 12 percent of the U.S. population. By 2010 that number had climbed to an estimated 16.1 percent.
- About 4.2 million of the 113.6 million U.S. Households consist of three or more generations.
- Stay tuned for additional key facts including the results of a new study of multigenerational households to be released in our new report: “Family Matters: Multigenerational Families in a Volatile Economy”
- at a December 6th Press Event.
Major Factors Leading to the Increase in Multigenerational Households
Five major factors appear to contribute to the increase in multigenerational households:
- Slower Starts: People are marrying later. More unmarried 20-somethings continue to live with their parents, by choice or economic necessity.
- Immigration: Latin Americans and Asians have immigrated to the U.S. in large numbers. Immigrants are more likely to live in multigenerational families.
- Availability of Kin: There are more Baby Boomers currently financially secure and able to offer their parents a place to live in their old age while providing a home to their own children.
- Health and Disability Issues: Increasing numbers of Americans of all ages suffer from chronic conditions and disabilities. They may move in with family members to gain access to caregivers for themselves and/or their children.
- Economic Conditions: During the Great Recession many Americans struggle with job loss or other forms of reduced income. Sharing household expenses across generations make them more manageable.
Multigenerational Households come in all shapes and sizes. A few common types include:
- Three-generation: The most common multigenerational household arrangement consists of three generations – typically one or more working-age adults, one or more of their children (who may also be adults), and either aging parent(s) or grandchildren.
- Grandfamilies: There are also growing numbers of grandfamilies – that is, households headed by an older individual or couple who live with grandchildren under age 18.
- Two adult generations: Most two-generation households consist of parent(s) and child(ren) under the ages of 18 to 22. However, households with “boomerangs” are on the rise – grown children who because of unemployment, underemployment or other reasons return to their childhood household.
- Four-generation: Once a rarity except in some lower-income ethnic communities, the four- or even five-generation household – parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, adult children, their children – is more commonplace and socioeconomically significant.
Other Resources:
Click TITLE below for further info
Multigenerational Households Fact Sheet
Resources and Information for Grandfamilies
The Return of the Multigenerational Family Household, Pew Research Center
National Family Caregivers Association and National Family Caregiver Month
Family Caregiver Alliance
National Family Caregivers Association
National Alliance for Caregiving
National Grandparents Day
Stay up to date on current intergenerational issues:
- Sign up for our Policy e-alerts
- Download our Policy Agenda
- Click "Sign up" or "Download" for further info
- Source: (1) Generations United , (2) STAF, Inc ____________________________________________
A Special New York City story
Bravery with a lot of courage
College, Not Just for Himself, but for His Son
The load on a full-time college student is a heavy one. Finals and midterms, especially when paired with the duties of fatherhood, could crush any 21-year old, but Giovanni Classen, who recently became a single father to his 1-year-old son, Ezio, seems to have found a way to make it work.
“It’s a little hard sometimes, I don’t get a lot of time to myself,” Mr. Classen said last month. “I figure work hard now, and relax later,” he said softly.
Mr. Classen and Ezio had just gotten out of bed, and Ezio, who was cranky, was following his father around the small apartment and crying.
“He’s sick right now, I have to give him his medicine,” said Mr. Classen.
The family used to be bigger, but on Ezio’s first birthday, his mother disappeared.
“In August, she left,” said Mr. Classen. “I remember she woke me up to tell me she had to go to an appointment.”
Ezio’s 20-year-old mother did not return. “At first I thought ‘Oh maybe she’s out with some friends or something,’ but it got really late, so at like 2 in the morning we filed a missing persons report,” Mr. Classen said.
The next time he saw Ezio’s mother was in court in November. She showed up for a custody hearing, the third after Mr. Classen had filed for sole custody when she disappeared. Mr. Classen has not spoken to Ezio’s mother since the November court date, when she told the judge that she had been struggling with mental issues. He currently has full custody of his son, and is working with the courts to arrange visitation rights for Ezio’s mother.
“She said she was depressed,” said Mr. Classen, who has yet to speak privately to his son’s mother. “I don’t know if there’s more to it but she said there were other issues from her childhood that she’s going to therapy for.”
Mr. Classen may not be ready to extend an olive branch to Ezio’s mother, but he still wants her to be a part of his son’s life. “I hope that she gets herself together,” he said. “We don’t have to get back together, but just so she can be in his life.”
Since Ezio’s mother left, Mr. Classen has taken charge of the family, and his priority is Ezio, he said.
“If she’s not going to be around I’m not going to dwell on it,” he said. “I’m not going to drive myself crazy, because then I wouldn’t be in my right mind to take care of him.”
He signed up for food stamps and the supplemental nutrition program known as WIC, which provides food and baby formula for at-risk families. He also enrolled as a full-time student at the Borough of Manhattan Community College; his aunt and his grandmother take care of Ezio when he is in class.
No longer crying, Ezio stood near the family’s diminutive Christmas tree, which was adorned with plastic and gold-colored ornaments and surrounded by bags filled with gifts. He was holding the bottle his father had prepared for him in his hand.
Mr. Classen is not one to pretend that he is Superman. He admits he has little or no time for himself and has had to forgo many of the things he enjoys, like playing video games. “Video games can be expensive,” he said. “I can’t go out and buy something like that. I can’t spend money on stupid stuff.”
Mr. Classen has been taking fatherhood classes at two nonprofit organizations, the Union Settlement Association and the Educational Alliance, a beneficiary of UJA-Federation of New York, one of seven agencies supported by The New York Times Neediest Cases Fund.
He has also signed up to participate in a New York University study conducted on the Lower East Side, where he lives. “They want to see the types of stresses in the neighborhood for parents,” Alva Cardona, his social worker at the Educational Alliance, said.
“Fathers have 12 sessions, and he just started but he’s been doing pretty good,” Ms. Cardona said. The N.Y.U. study requires Mr. Classen to watch a series of videos and read some pamphlets on parenting, then take an exam.
Mr. Classen was advised by his aunt, who is an accountant at the Educational Alliance, to seek help there, and he said he liked it. “I figured it would be good for Ezio,” he said.
Through the Educational Alliance, Mr. Classen received $500 from the Neediest Cases Fund to buy winter coats for himself and Ezio, as well as baby supplies. He bought diapers and some Christmas gifts. “I got him a bunch of educational stuff,” said Mr. Classen. “There’s one that is a book, and you press a button and it will read the books to you, and you can say the words and the letters. And another toy that helps him with the alphabet. I just bought him a lot of things that help him with his speech development.”
Mr. Classen is also focused on his studies, and plans to transfer to a different college within the City University of New York, a four-year school that offers an engineering program. “I hope in the next 10 years I can get my degree and a good job so that I’m not struggling the way my mother struggled,” he said.
And Mr. Classen has another goal. “I definitely want to pass critical thinking skills down to my son,” he said. “I want him to be smarter than me.”
Source: NYT
________________________________________________________________
Additional IMPORTANT TOPICS to study
click each title:
(1) FAMILY ROLES
(2) HOUSEHOLD AND FAMILY STRUCTURE -
(3) INCOME MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE -
PARENTHOOD -
(4) WORK AND EMPLOYMENT
_____________________________
When You Yell to Your Child You Can Ruin
His/Her Relationships & Marriage Happiness for Life
How to avoid yelling & secure a happier life for your child?
Nearly every parent loses control and screams at the children now and then. But what if you do it repeatedly?
Researchers suspect parents are yelling more. Parents have been conditioned to avoid spanking, so they vent their anger and frustration by shouting instead. Three out of four parents yell, scream or shout at their children or teens about once a month, on average, for misbehaving or making them angry, research shows. Increasingly, therapists and parenting experts are homing in on how it hurts a child, as well as how to stop it.
Raising your voice isn't always bad. Loudly describing a problem can call attention to it without hurting anyone, says Adele Faber, a parenting trainer in Roslyn Heights, N.Y., and co-author of "How to Be the Parent You Always Wanted to Be." For example: "I just mopped the kitchen floor and now it is covered with muddy footprints."
Yelling becomes damaging when it is a personal attack, belittling or blaming a child with statements such as "Why can't you ever remember?" or, "You always get this wrong!" Ms. Faber says.
Many parents lose control because they take children's misbehavior or rebellion personally, research shows: They feel attacked or think the child's actions reflect poorly on them. Parents who see a child's negative emotions as unexpected, overwhelming and upsetting tend to feel more threatened and frustrated with each new outburst, says a study published earlier this month in the Journal of Family Psychology. This pattern, called "emotional flooding," triggers a downward spiral in the relationship, disrupting the parent's problem-solving ability and fueling emotional reactions, such as yelling.
Teens whose parents use "harsh verbal discipline" such as shouting or insults are more likely to have behavior problems and depression symptoms, says a recent study of 976 middle-class adolescents and their parents, published online last September and led by Ming-Te Wang, an assistant professor of psychology and education at the University of Pittsburgh.
Another study suggests yelling at children may have consequences that go beyond those of spanking. Eight-year-olds whose parents disciplined them by yelling have less satisfying relationships with romantic partners and spouses at age 23, according to a 15-year study led by Stephanie Parade, an assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University. "Parents who yell may miss out on a chance to teach children to regulate their emotions," she says.
Spanking also predicted less satisfying adult relationships, but the negative effects were offset when parents praised their children at other times. The negative effects of yelling weren't erased by parental warmth, however. The negative problem-solving tactics that children learn when their parents yell may stick with them as adults, says the study, published in 2012 in Marriage & Family Review. Children also may expect others to treat them in a negative way, and unconsciously pick partners who fulfill that expectation.
"Yelling is where 90% of us do the most damage," says Julie Ann Barnhill, a speaker and author of "She's Gonna Blow," a book on parental anger that has sold 135,000 copies. Ms. Barnhill says she used to yell one to three times a week at her children when they were preschoolers. She got counseling, and learned to control her anger and discipline her kids in calmer, more positive ways, techniques she now teaches other parents in speeches and workshops.
Parents can learn to notice signs that a blowup is brewing and dial down their own tension. Warning signs can include: tightness in the throat or chest, shallow or rapid breathing, a clenching of the teeth or jaw, negative thoughts about oneself or feelings of being overwhelmed.
Deep breathing, envisioning a pleasant scene, counting to 10 or leaving the room can help. Ms. Barnhill advises practicing calming thoughts, such as "I'm having a miserable day, but getting angry will just make things worse."
Build a margin of spare time into daily routines to allow time for minor mishaps, such as spilled milk or lost jackets, says Jill Savage, author of "No More Perfect Moms." She adds, "If I have 20 minutes to clean up after dinner, I'm more likely to handle that spilled milk well."
Learning to start sentences with "I" rather than "you" can help parents shift from an angry attack to a teaching moment, Ms. Faber says. "Say what you don't like, then add what you would like or expect."
Leigh Fransen felt like yelling when her daughters, 10-year-old Alona and 8-year-old Elisha, forgot to feed the family dog, Balto, on two evenings in the same week. "This is a really important responsibility, and they're always asking me for more pets," says Ms. Fransen, of Fort Mill, S.C. "I wanted to yell, 'You're not getting any dinner tonight, because you didn't feed the dog, and you're going to know how it feels'—which would lead to nothing but tears and misery, and probably to me backing down."
Instead, she started her response with "I," saying, "I don't like seeing the dog not fed. Look at him: He is miserable. I expect him to be fed before you eat your own dinner," Ms. Fransen says. Alona and Elisha needed to be reminded of the deadline twice, but soon learned to remember on their own. Ms. Fransen praised them for taking responsibility and encouraged them to see that "Balto seems much happier now that he's getting dinner on time."
Many parents blow up because they have unrealistic expectations—such as assuming a 2-year-old shouldn't push parental limits, says Ms. Savage, chief executive of Hearts at Home, a Normal, Ill., nonprofit that runs conferences on parenting issues, including discipline. "We say to our children, 'Act your age,' and in reality, they are," she says. Not expecting children to be perfect, or nearly so, can calm parents' frustrations, Ms. Savage says. So can seeing a child's failure as an opportunity for him to learn.
Parents can turn a meltdown into a teaching moment by involving kids in finding solutions, Ms. Faber says. She suggests waiting for a calm moment and stating the rule the child violated. Then give the child a choice about how to prevent the misbehavior from happening again. Inviting a child to suggest solutions teaches problem-solving skills.
Sara Weingot of Baltimore used the technique after her 6-year-old son misbehaved during an outing in her minivan, kicking and pushing two other kids' booster seats. She later told him she never wanted it to happen again, then listened sympathetically as he explained that he had been squeezed too tightly between two other kids' car seats.
Ms. Weingot gave him a choice between staying home with a babysitter next time and finding another solution. He made a list from "get a better car" to taking turns with his siblings in more comfortable seats, an idea that worked, Ms. Weingot says.
Apologizing can help repair the damage after an outburst, says Ms. Barnhill, the author. She took her daughter aside in her teens and apologized for an explosive incident a few years earlier. "I have this memory of being in your face and yelling at you. I am so sorry, sweet girl," Ms. Barnhill says she told her.
Her daughter Kristen Draughan, who is now 25, married and studying for a master's degree in social work, says she doesn't remember her mother yelling much when she was a child. But Ms. Draughan does recall that her mother's remorse made her burst into tears. "It showed that she cared about my feelings," she says.
Source: (1) Journal of Family Psychology, (2) STAF, Inc.
Click: Journal of Family Psychology® - American Psychological Association
www.apa.org/pubs/journals/fam/
This journal offers cutting-edge, groundbreaking, state-of-the-art, and innovative empirical research with real-world applicability in the field of family psychology.
______________________________________
Family Problems In Childhood Affect Brain Development
Exposure to common family problems early in life can impair a child's brain development new research
Childhood conduct problems include a spectrum of antisocial, aggressive, dishonest, delinquent, defiant and disruptive behaviors. These behaviors may vary from none to severe, and may have the following consequences for the child/young person and those around him/her – stress, distress and concern to adult caregivers and authority figures; threats to the physical safety of the young people involved and their peers; disruption of home, school or other environments; and involvement of the criminal justice system.
Exposure to common family problems early in life can impair a child's brain development, according to new research
by the University of East Anglia, England, said in a university news release. Click: University of East Anglia
Click green title below to see the brain images affected by the family problems - if the link has expired, copy the title and search the web
Family Problems In Childhood Affect Brain Development
Tension between parents, arguments and lack of affection or communication between family members can affect growth of the cerebellum, a brain area involved in skill learning, stress regulation and sensory-motor control, the researchers found. This might lead to mental health problems for children later in life, the researchers said.
"These findings are important because exposure to adversities in childhood and adolescence is the biggest risk factor for later psychiatric disease," study leader Dr Nicholas Walsh, a lecturer in developmental psychology at the University of East Anglia, England, said in a university news release. Click: University of East Anglia
Previous studies have focused on the effects of severe abuse and neglect, but this study found common and ongoing family problems can also cause psychiatric ills in young people.
Using brain imaging technology, the researchers examined the brains of 58 teenagers between 17 and 19 years old.
The teens' parents were asked to report any negative events their children had experienced between birth and age 11. Nearly half of the children -- 27 -- were classified as having been exposed to childhood family problems. When the teens were 14 and 17, they were also asked about any troubles they, their friends or their family faced over the course of the past year.
The study, published recently in Neuro Image: Clinical, click: NeuroImage: Clinical - Journal, found the teens who faced mild to moderate family troubles from the time they were born until age 11 had a smaller cerebellum (= the part of the brain at the back of the skull in vertebrates. Its function is to coordinate and regulate muscular activity)
click: Cerebellum
The study's authors pointed out that a smaller cerebellum is found in just about all cases of mental illness.
The researchers noted the teens who faced family problems early in life were more likely to have a diagnosed mental illness, have a parent with a mental health disorder and have negative views of their family life.
"We show that exposure in childhood and early adolescence to even mild to moderate family difficulties, not just severe forms of abuse, neglect and maltreatment, may affect the developing adolescent brain," noted Walsh.
"We also argue that a smaller cerebellum may be an indicator of mental health issues later on," Walsh added. Reducing exposure to adverse social environments during early life may enhance typical brain development and reduce subsequent mental health risks, she said.
The researchers also found that teens who reported negative life events at age 14 had increases in certain areas of the brain. This could indicate that mild stress faced later during development could protect teens and help them cope with more troubles later in life, the researchers suggested. They noted the level of stress and when it occurs could play an important role in how this happens.
"This study helps us understand the mechanisms in the brain by which exposure to problems in early-life leads to later psychiatric issues," added Walsh. "It not only advances our understanding of how the general psychosocial environment affects brain development, but also suggests links between specific regions of the brain and individual psychosocial factors."
The study only shows an association between family troubles and teen's brain size, not a direct cause-and-effect relationship.
Family Problems In Childhood Affect Brain Development
Source:
(1) Neuro Image: Clinical
click: NeuroImage: Clinical - Journal - Elsevierwww.journals.elsevier.com/neuroimage-clinical/
The online only, open access, peer reviewed journal in clinical neuroimaging. NeuroImage: Clinical, a Journal of Diseases affecting the Nervous...
University of East Anglia, news release, Feb. 19, 2014
(2) Click: University of East Anglia - The University of East Anglia (UEA) is the number one university in the UK for student satisfaction
(3) STAF, Inc.
More Health News on:
Click green title:
Child Mental Health
Family Issues
Teen Mental Health
____________________________
Exposure to common family problems early in life can impair a child's brain development new research
Childhood conduct problems include a spectrum of antisocial, aggressive, dishonest, delinquent, defiant and disruptive behaviors. These behaviors may vary from none to severe, and may have the following consequences for the child/young person and those around him/her – stress, distress and concern to adult caregivers and authority figures; threats to the physical safety of the young people involved and their peers; disruption of home, school or other environments; and involvement of the criminal justice system.
Exposure to common family problems early in life can impair a child's brain development, according to new research
by the University of East Anglia, England, said in a university news release. Click: University of East Anglia
Click green title below to see the brain images affected by the family problems - if the link has expired, copy the title and search the web
Family Problems In Childhood Affect Brain Development
Tension between parents, arguments and lack of affection or communication between family members can affect growth of the cerebellum, a brain area involved in skill learning, stress regulation and sensory-motor control, the researchers found. This might lead to mental health problems for children later in life, the researchers said.
"These findings are important because exposure to adversities in childhood and adolescence is the biggest risk factor for later psychiatric disease," study leader Dr Nicholas Walsh, a lecturer in developmental psychology at the University of East Anglia, England, said in a university news release. Click: University of East Anglia
Previous studies have focused on the effects of severe abuse and neglect, but this study found common and ongoing family problems can also cause psychiatric ills in young people.
Using brain imaging technology, the researchers examined the brains of 58 teenagers between 17 and 19 years old.
The teens' parents were asked to report any negative events their children had experienced between birth and age 11. Nearly half of the children -- 27 -- were classified as having been exposed to childhood family problems. When the teens were 14 and 17, they were also asked about any troubles they, their friends or their family faced over the course of the past year.
The study, published recently in Neuro Image: Clinical, click: NeuroImage: Clinical - Journal, found the teens who faced mild to moderate family troubles from the time they were born until age 11 had a smaller cerebellum (= the part of the brain at the back of the skull in vertebrates. Its function is to coordinate and regulate muscular activity)
click: Cerebellum
The study's authors pointed out that a smaller cerebellum is found in just about all cases of mental illness.
The researchers noted the teens who faced family problems early in life were more likely to have a diagnosed mental illness, have a parent with a mental health disorder and have negative views of their family life.
"We show that exposure in childhood and early adolescence to even mild to moderate family difficulties, not just severe forms of abuse, neglect and maltreatment, may affect the developing adolescent brain," noted Walsh.
"We also argue that a smaller cerebellum may be an indicator of mental health issues later on," Walsh added. Reducing exposure to adverse social environments during early life may enhance typical brain development and reduce subsequent mental health risks, she said.
The researchers also found that teens who reported negative life events at age 14 had increases in certain areas of the brain. This could indicate that mild stress faced later during development could protect teens and help them cope with more troubles later in life, the researchers suggested. They noted the level of stress and when it occurs could play an important role in how this happens.
"This study helps us understand the mechanisms in the brain by which exposure to problems in early-life leads to later psychiatric issues," added Walsh. "It not only advances our understanding of how the general psychosocial environment affects brain development, but also suggests links between specific regions of the brain and individual psychosocial factors."
The study only shows an association between family troubles and teen's brain size, not a direct cause-and-effect relationship.
Family Problems In Childhood Affect Brain Development
Source:
(1) Neuro Image: Clinical
click: NeuroImage: Clinical - Journal - Elsevierwww.journals.elsevier.com/neuroimage-clinical/
The online only, open access, peer reviewed journal in clinical neuroimaging. NeuroImage: Clinical, a Journal of Diseases affecting the Nervous...
University of East Anglia, news release, Feb. 19, 2014
(2) Click: University of East Anglia - The University of East Anglia (UEA) is the number one university in the UK for student satisfaction
(3) STAF, Inc.
More Health News on:
Click green title:
Child Mental Health
Family Issues
Teen Mental Health
____________________________
The Civil Rights of Children
Date: January, 2014
Most school officials try to apply disciplinary policies fairly and in compliance with federal laws that forbid racial discrimination. Even so, a large and troubling body of data — some if it gathered by the federal government — shows that black and Hispanic students are disproportionately and unjustifiably subjected to suspension, expulsion or even arrest for nonviolent offenses that should be dealt with in the principal’s office.
As a result, minority children who are already at greater risk of dropping out are being ejected from school and denied the right to an effective public education.
Over the last several years, civil rights officials in the Obama administration have begun to focus on this problem, increasing civil rights investigations and forcing school districts to revise disciplinary policies that disproportionately affect minorities. The Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights, for example, has reached such agreements with school districts in Los Angeles; in Oakland, Calif.; and in Delaware.
Last week, the Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights and the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division took another welcome step. The agencies jointly click: issued an extensive set of guidance documents, informing school districts of the law and showing them how to identify, avoid and remedy discriminatory disciplinary policies.
The guidance documents included striking data on racial inequities. For example, African-American students represent only 15 percent of public school students, but they make of 35 percent of students suspended once, 44 percent of those suspended more than once and 36 percent of those expelled. Statistical information does not in itself prove discrimination. But research has shown that black students do not engage in more serious or more frequent misbehavior than other students.
The treatment of disabled students should be a source of national shame: They represent 12 percent of students in the country, but they make up 25 percent of students receiving multiple out-of-school suspensions and 23 percent of students subjected to a school-related arrest.
Investigations in this area have found two kinds of discrimination: cases in which African-American students are treated more harshly and disciplined more frequently than white students who engage in similar misbehavior; and cases where policies — like mandatory suspension, expulsion or ticketing — are administered in a race-neutral manner but have a disproportionate and unjustified effect on students of a particular race.
To prevent bad practices, the new federal guidance urges schools to train teachers more intensively in classroom management; to ensure that teachers and administrators know they, rather than security or law-enforcement officers, are responsible for routine discipline; to collect data on disciplinary actions and monitor the actions of security officers; and to emphasize policies that reinforce positive behavior over tactics that drive students out of school.
Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. was on the mark when he said, “A routine school disciplinary infraction should land a student in the principal’s office, not in a police precinct.” By making suspension and arrest a last resort, school districts can avoid federal civil rights sanctions and move away from destructive policies that seriously harm the most vulnerable students.
Source: NYT editorial
______________________________________
Date: January, 2014
Most school officials try to apply disciplinary policies fairly and in compliance with federal laws that forbid racial discrimination. Even so, a large and troubling body of data — some if it gathered by the federal government — shows that black and Hispanic students are disproportionately and unjustifiably subjected to suspension, expulsion or even arrest for nonviolent offenses that should be dealt with in the principal’s office.
As a result, minority children who are already at greater risk of dropping out are being ejected from school and denied the right to an effective public education.
Over the last several years, civil rights officials in the Obama administration have begun to focus on this problem, increasing civil rights investigations and forcing school districts to revise disciplinary policies that disproportionately affect minorities. The Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights, for example, has reached such agreements with school districts in Los Angeles; in Oakland, Calif.; and in Delaware.
Last week, the Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights and the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division took another welcome step. The agencies jointly click: issued an extensive set of guidance documents, informing school districts of the law and showing them how to identify, avoid and remedy discriminatory disciplinary policies.
The guidance documents included striking data on racial inequities. For example, African-American students represent only 15 percent of public school students, but they make of 35 percent of students suspended once, 44 percent of those suspended more than once and 36 percent of those expelled. Statistical information does not in itself prove discrimination. But research has shown that black students do not engage in more serious or more frequent misbehavior than other students.
The treatment of disabled students should be a source of national shame: They represent 12 percent of students in the country, but they make up 25 percent of students receiving multiple out-of-school suspensions and 23 percent of students subjected to a school-related arrest.
Investigations in this area have found two kinds of discrimination: cases in which African-American students are treated more harshly and disciplined more frequently than white students who engage in similar misbehavior; and cases where policies — like mandatory suspension, expulsion or ticketing — are administered in a race-neutral manner but have a disproportionate and unjustified effect on students of a particular race.
To prevent bad practices, the new federal guidance urges schools to train teachers more intensively in classroom management; to ensure that teachers and administrators know they, rather than security or law-enforcement officers, are responsible for routine discipline; to collect data on disciplinary actions and monitor the actions of security officers; and to emphasize policies that reinforce positive behavior over tactics that drive students out of school.
Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. was on the mark when he said, “A routine school disciplinary infraction should land a student in the principal’s office, not in a police precinct.” By making suspension and arrest a last resort, school districts can avoid federal civil rights sanctions and move away from destructive policies that seriously harm the most vulnerable students.
Source: NYT editorial
______________________________________
The Difference in Male & Female Brain Structure
Vive la Difference!
Men and women do not think in the same ways. Few would disagree with that. And science has quantified some of those differences. Men, it is pretty well established, have better motor and spatial abilities than women, and more monomaniacal patterns of thought. Women have better memories, are more socially adept, and are better at dealing with several things at once. There is a lot of overlap, obviously. But on average these observations are true.
Suggesting why they are true in evolutionary terms is a game anyone can play. One obvious idea is that because, in the days of hunting and gathering, men spent more time wandering away from camp, their brains needed to be adapted to able to find their way around. They also spent more time tracking, fighting and killing things, be they animals or intrusive neighbours. Women by contrast, politicked among themselves and brought up the children, so they needed to be adapted to enable them to manipulate each other’s and their children’s emotions to succeed in their world.
Finding out why sex differences are true in neurological terms—in other words, how the brain is wired up to create them—is another matter altogether. To play this game you have to have a lot of expensive kit, not just a comfortable chair from which to pontificate. And that is exactly what Ragini Verma of the University of Pennsylvania and her colleagues do have. As a result, as they outline in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, they have been able to map out differences in the ways male and female brains are cabled and match them, at least to their own satisfaction, to the stereotypes beloved of both folklore and psychology.
Click: Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences
Sugar and spice or puppy-dogs’ tails?
Neurology has been revolutionised over the past couple of decades by a range of techniques that can scan living brains. Dr Verma’s technique of choice is diffusion tensor imaging. This follows water molecules around the brain. Because the fibres that connect nerve cells have fatty sheaths, the water in them can diffuse only along a fibre, not through the sheath. So, diffusion tensor imaging is able to detect bundles of such fibres, and see where they are going.
Dr Verma and her team applied the technique to 428 men and boys, and 521 women and girls. Their results are summarised in the two diagrams above, which show connection trends averaged from the sum of participants’ brains.
The two main parts of a human brain are the cerebrum, above and towards the front, which does the thinking, and the cerebellum, below and towards the back, which does the acting. Each is divided into right and left hemispheres. As the diagrams show, in men (the left-hand picture) the dominant connections in the cerebrum are those, marked in blue, within hemispheres. In women, they are those, marked in orange, between hemispheres. In the cerebellum (not visible because it is under the cerebrum), it is the other way around.
What this means is open to interpretation, but Dr Verma’s take is that the wiring differences underlie some of the variations in male and female cognitive skills. The left and right sides of the cerebrum, in particular, are believed to be specialised for logical and intuitive thought respectively. In her view, the cross-talk between them in women, suggested by the wiring diagrams, helps explain their better memories, social adeptness and ability to multitask, all of which benefit from the hemispheres collaborating. In men, by contrast, within-hemisphere links let them focus on things that do not need complex inputs from both hemispheres. Hence the monomania.
When it comes to the cerebellum click: Cerebellum, the extra cross-links between hemispheres in men serve to co-ordinate the activity of the whole sub-organ. That is important because each half controls, by itself, only one half of the body. Hence men have better motor abilities—or, in layman’s terms, are better co-ordinated than women.
Dr Verma’s other main finding is that most of these differences are not congenital. Rather, they develop with age. Her volunteers ranged from 8 to 22 years old. The brains of boys and girls aged 8 to 13 demonstrated only a few differences, though all were of the type that later became pronounced. Adolescents, those aged 13 to 17, showed more. Young adults, over 17, more still. Sex differences in brains—those visible to this technique, at least—thus manifest themselves mainly when sex itself begins to matter.
Dr Verma’s work is important not only for what it has shown, but also as a demonstration of the power of diffusion tensor imaging. Studying the brain, particularly the living brain, is a uniquely hard scientific problem. The American government has recently promised to spend serious amounts of money doing so, through what it dubs the BRAIN initiative—the inevitable contrived acronym supposedly standing for Brain Research through Advancing Innovative Neurotechnologies.
As that name suggests, advances in brain research depend on the development of better ways of looking at brains while they are alive and firing. This will be hard. But work like Dr Verma’s shows the rewards of doing it.
Source: (1) Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, (2) Economics, (3) STAF Inc.
To see the pictures click green below (or search the web with the green title if the link has expired)
Sex and brains: Vive la différence! | The Economist
__________________________
Umbilical Cord Blood of Newborns Saving Human Lives
Umbilical Cord Draws Focus From More Scientists Seeking Cures
Researchers of Type 1 Diabetes, Arthritis, Cerebral Palsy & Other Diseases Examine Stem Cells in Cord Blood
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that public cord-blood donations should be encouraged and private banking discouraged in most cases.
click Umbilical cord
Researchers see new potential for using blood found in the umbilical cord of newborns to treat a range of diseases. Transplants using the stem-cell-rich blood have already become lifesaving treatments for certain cancers and disorders of the blood, but these studies focus on a wider range of conditions.
Scientists are studying whether cord blood or cord tissues can treat certain autoimmune disorders such as Type 1 diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis, as well as congenital heart disease and cerebral palsy. Experts caution that more studies are needed to prove whether cord blood is safe and effective for these uses, but some see initial signs of hope.
"The early data look very promising that this could be a useful new source of cells that could benefit a larger number of people," said John Wagner, a professor of pediatrics and director of the blood and marrow transplant program at the University of Minnesota.
Cord blood is found in the placenta click: Placenta and umbilical cord of newborns, and contains stem cells, general-purpose cells that can proliferate and generate more specialized cells.
Hematopoietic stem cells click: Hematopoietic stem cell , which are similar to stem cells found in bone marrow, are one of the researchers' areas of focus. Cord-blood transplants replenish the hematopoietic stem cells that are destroyed by chemotherapy and radiation given to people with certain leukemias, lymphomas
click: Lymphoma and other diseases. More than 30,000 cord-blood transplants have been performed since the first reported procedure in 1988.
Cord blood can be collected with no risk to the mother or child and can be frozen and stored for many years. Bone marrow must be extracted from a donor in an invasive procedure. It has been the standard option for stem-cell transplants, but cord blood is increasingly viewed as a viable alternative in certain cases. "It's a disposable item that Mother Nature provides us with," said William Shearer, a professor of pediatrics and immunology at Baylor College of Medicine. "It's a renewable source. It's free and why not use it?" Click: Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, TX
Cord blood doesn't need to be as exact a match as bone marrow, making it easier for unrelated donors and recipients.
Dr. Wagner also sees broader applications for cord blood in autoimmune diseases, in which the body's immune system mistakenly attacks healthy tissue. These could include Type 1 diabetes, multiple sclerosis and inflammatory bowel diseases.
.Studies of this approach in humans have been limited. Some found that giving children with Type 1 diabetes their own cord blood was safe but failed to significantly slow disease progression. Another study showed the technique reversed diabetes in mice, but it is often hard to replicate results from animal studies in humans. Other studies in human Type 1 diabetes are ongoing.
Timothy Nelson, a physician at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., is testing whether injecting cord-blood stem cells can help rebuild heart muscle in children born with a congenital heart defect called hypoplastic left heart syndrome
click: Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. The condition leaves babies without a pumping chamber on the left side of the heart.
Dr. Nelson is studying whether injection of cord-blood stem cells can strengthen the right-side heart chamber. The stem cells are taken from the child's own cord blood, banked at birth. The hypothesis is that the stem cells could stimulate tissue repair in the heart.
Another potential application for cord blood is cerebral palsy. The movement and muscle disorder is caused by an abnormality in brain development, often from an injury before or around a child's birth. Joanne Kurtzberg, who heads the pediatric blood and marrow transplant program at Duke University Medical Center, is running a trial testing whether intravenous infusion of cord blood lessens symptoms of cerebral palsy click: Cerebral palsy in pediatric patients, using their own cord blood banked at birth. A prior study showed the method was safe, but the continuing study is designed to compare the efficacy of cord blood with a placebo.
Public cord-blood banks have been created around the country to accept donated cord blood, which is used for transplants in unrelated patients. Donated cord-blood units comprise the vast majority of transplants conducted so far. More than 200 hospitals actively collect cord blood from babies whose mothers consent, and in some cases cord blood from babies born at nonparticipating hospitals can be collected in a kit and sent to public storage banks.
Some parents choose to pay fees of about $2,000 upfront and more than $100 a year thereafter to store their baby's cord blood with private, for-profit banks, for use by the baby or family members later in life, if a disease treatable by cord blood arises. But the use of privately banked cord blood in transplants has been relatively low so far, and experts say the likelihood that a newborn would need his or her own cord blood to treat a disease is low.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that public cord-blood donations should be encouraged and private banking discouraged in most cases.
Dr. Shearer, a co-author of the policy, says donated cord blood is of more help to others in need for a proven use, whereas blood stored privately is unlikely to be used. This could change over time if some new experimental uses prove workable.
Cord Blood Registry, a for-profit operator of a private cord-blood bank, has released cord-blood units for established and experimental medical treatments, Chief Executive Geoff Crouse said.
Mr. Crouse said some families choose private banking for later use by their baby or another family member to be assured that they would have a close or exact match in the event of needing a cord-blood transplant.
One limitation of cord blood is that each donated unit typically contains relatively few usable cells. As a result, they have been primarily used in transplants for pediatric patients or small adults, though there is evidence that giving an adult two units of cord blood—from two different babies—can be effective.
Jennifer Jones Austin, 45, received a cord-blood transplant from two babies in 2010 after undergoing chemotherapy and radiation to treat acute myeloid leukemia. The leader of a New York nonprofit had tried unsuccessfully to find a suitable match for a bone-marrow transplant, so her doctors turned to cord blood.
She experienced a difficult recovery in the first few months after the transplant, but is now living cancer-free.
She has returned to her full-time job and took a volunteer position as co-chair of the transition team for New York's mayor, Bill de Blasio. She also joined the board of trustees of the New York Blood Center*), which operates a public cord-blood bank. "I think those are good signs that I'm kind of back in business," she said.
*) click: New York Blood Centernybloodcenter.org/
New York Blood Center (NYBC) is one of the largest community-based, non-profit blood collection and distribution organizations in the United States.
Source: (1) WSJ, (2) STAF, Inc.
___________________________
Umbilical Cord Draws Focus From More Scientists Seeking Cures
Researchers of Type 1 Diabetes, Arthritis, Cerebral Palsy & Other Diseases Examine Stem Cells in Cord Blood
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that public cord-blood donations should be encouraged and private banking discouraged in most cases.
click Umbilical cord
Researchers see new potential for using blood found in the umbilical cord of newborns to treat a range of diseases. Transplants using the stem-cell-rich blood have already become lifesaving treatments for certain cancers and disorders of the blood, but these studies focus on a wider range of conditions.
Scientists are studying whether cord blood or cord tissues can treat certain autoimmune disorders such as Type 1 diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis, as well as congenital heart disease and cerebral palsy. Experts caution that more studies are needed to prove whether cord blood is safe and effective for these uses, but some see initial signs of hope.
"The early data look very promising that this could be a useful new source of cells that could benefit a larger number of people," said John Wagner, a professor of pediatrics and director of the blood and marrow transplant program at the University of Minnesota.
Cord blood is found in the placenta click: Placenta and umbilical cord of newborns, and contains stem cells, general-purpose cells that can proliferate and generate more specialized cells.
Hematopoietic stem cells click: Hematopoietic stem cell , which are similar to stem cells found in bone marrow, are one of the researchers' areas of focus. Cord-blood transplants replenish the hematopoietic stem cells that are destroyed by chemotherapy and radiation given to people with certain leukemias, lymphomas
click: Lymphoma and other diseases. More than 30,000 cord-blood transplants have been performed since the first reported procedure in 1988.
Cord blood can be collected with no risk to the mother or child and can be frozen and stored for many years. Bone marrow must be extracted from a donor in an invasive procedure. It has been the standard option for stem-cell transplants, but cord blood is increasingly viewed as a viable alternative in certain cases. "It's a disposable item that Mother Nature provides us with," said William Shearer, a professor of pediatrics and immunology at Baylor College of Medicine. "It's a renewable source. It's free and why not use it?" Click: Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, TX
Cord blood doesn't need to be as exact a match as bone marrow, making it easier for unrelated donors and recipients.
Dr. Wagner also sees broader applications for cord blood in autoimmune diseases, in which the body's immune system mistakenly attacks healthy tissue. These could include Type 1 diabetes, multiple sclerosis and inflammatory bowel diseases.
.Studies of this approach in humans have been limited. Some found that giving children with Type 1 diabetes their own cord blood was safe but failed to significantly slow disease progression. Another study showed the technique reversed diabetes in mice, but it is often hard to replicate results from animal studies in humans. Other studies in human Type 1 diabetes are ongoing.
Timothy Nelson, a physician at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., is testing whether injecting cord-blood stem cells can help rebuild heart muscle in children born with a congenital heart defect called hypoplastic left heart syndrome
click: Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. The condition leaves babies without a pumping chamber on the left side of the heart.
Dr. Nelson is studying whether injection of cord-blood stem cells can strengthen the right-side heart chamber. The stem cells are taken from the child's own cord blood, banked at birth. The hypothesis is that the stem cells could stimulate tissue repair in the heart.
Another potential application for cord blood is cerebral palsy. The movement and muscle disorder is caused by an abnormality in brain development, often from an injury before or around a child's birth. Joanne Kurtzberg, who heads the pediatric blood and marrow transplant program at Duke University Medical Center, is running a trial testing whether intravenous infusion of cord blood lessens symptoms of cerebral palsy click: Cerebral palsy in pediatric patients, using their own cord blood banked at birth. A prior study showed the method was safe, but the continuing study is designed to compare the efficacy of cord blood with a placebo.
Public cord-blood banks have been created around the country to accept donated cord blood, which is used for transplants in unrelated patients. Donated cord-blood units comprise the vast majority of transplants conducted so far. More than 200 hospitals actively collect cord blood from babies whose mothers consent, and in some cases cord blood from babies born at nonparticipating hospitals can be collected in a kit and sent to public storage banks.
Some parents choose to pay fees of about $2,000 upfront and more than $100 a year thereafter to store their baby's cord blood with private, for-profit banks, for use by the baby or family members later in life, if a disease treatable by cord blood arises. But the use of privately banked cord blood in transplants has been relatively low so far, and experts say the likelihood that a newborn would need his or her own cord blood to treat a disease is low.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that public cord-blood donations should be encouraged and private banking discouraged in most cases.
Dr. Shearer, a co-author of the policy, says donated cord blood is of more help to others in need for a proven use, whereas blood stored privately is unlikely to be used. This could change over time if some new experimental uses prove workable.
Cord Blood Registry, a for-profit operator of a private cord-blood bank, has released cord-blood units for established and experimental medical treatments, Chief Executive Geoff Crouse said.
Mr. Crouse said some families choose private banking for later use by their baby or another family member to be assured that they would have a close or exact match in the event of needing a cord-blood transplant.
One limitation of cord blood is that each donated unit typically contains relatively few usable cells. As a result, they have been primarily used in transplants for pediatric patients or small adults, though there is evidence that giving an adult two units of cord blood—from two different babies—can be effective.
Jennifer Jones Austin, 45, received a cord-blood transplant from two babies in 2010 after undergoing chemotherapy and radiation to treat acute myeloid leukemia. The leader of a New York nonprofit had tried unsuccessfully to find a suitable match for a bone-marrow transplant, so her doctors turned to cord blood.
She experienced a difficult recovery in the first few months after the transplant, but is now living cancer-free.
She has returned to her full-time job and took a volunteer position as co-chair of the transition team for New York's mayor, Bill de Blasio. She also joined the board of trustees of the New York Blood Center*), which operates a public cord-blood bank. "I think those are good signs that I'm kind of back in business," she said.
*) click: New York Blood Centernybloodcenter.org/
New York Blood Center (NYBC) is one of the largest community-based, non-profit blood collection and distribution organizations in the United States.
Source: (1) WSJ, (2) STAF, Inc.
___________________________
Allergens*) In Bed
Due to the amount of time children, including the teenagers, spent in the bedroom,
mattress dust may be an important source of exposure to food allergens
*) An allergen is a type of antigen**) that produces an abnormally vigorous immune response in which the immune system fights off a perceived threat that would otherwise be harmless to the body. Such reactions are called click: allergies.
click: Allergens
**) antigen = a toxin or other foreign substance that induces an immune response in the body, esp. the production of antibody
***) antibody = a blood protein produced in response to and counteracting a specific antigen. Antibodies combine chemically with substances that the body recognizes as alien, such as bacteria, viruses, and foreign substances in the blood.
Click: allergies
Teenagers may be sensitized to food allergens by simply hanging out in their bedrooms, as teens like to do, says a study in the January 2014 issue of Clinical & Experimental Allergy.
click: Clinical & Experimental Allergy
Ingestion*) of various foods is believed to be the most common route of exposure to potential food allergens in the general population, researchers said. This study suggests mattresses can also be important reservoirs of dust and food allergens.
*) ingestion = consumption: the process of taking food into the body through the mouth (as by eating)
From 2005 to 2007, inspections were carried out at 143 family homes in Oslo, Norway. The families were participants in a larger study of childhood asthma and each had a 13-year-old boy or girl at the time of the present study. About half the teens had asthma.
STAF,Inc.'s comment: Life is very similar in the U.S. and worldwide - what happens in the Norwegian beds happen in the American beds and in the beds worldwide - thus this information is of interest to everyone worldwide.
A special dust-collecting vacuum was used to vacuum the teens' mattresses, with the sheets off, for four minutes. The dust was analyzed for milk, egg, peanut and fish proteins, which were categorized as probable or confirmed based on the levels detected.
Parents reported the mattress age, teens' bed-making habits, household-cleaning practices and the presence of furry pets. Floor plans, building materials, signs of dampness, and the types of ventilation systems were recorded.
Peanut allergens were confirmed in 41% and deemed probable in 34% of the 143 mattress dust samples. Milk allergens were confirmed in 39% and probable in 29%, while egg was confirmed in 22% and probable in 27%. Allergens from codfish, a popular Norwegian food, were confirmed in 46% of the samples and probable in 29%. All four allergens were found in 7% of the 143 samples and three of the four in 15%. Only three mattresses were free of any food allergens.
Mattresses in girls' bedrooms had significantly higher levels of peanut and egg allergens than those in boys' bedrooms. Girls may be more likely to eat in their bedrooms or have decorative pillows and stuffed toys that act as dust and allergen reservoirs, researchers said. About 90% of the teens had unmade beds during the day, the study found.
Caveat: The study didn't assess the effect of food allergens on the severity of asthma or other allergic conditions.
THE STUDY TEXT
Title: Food allergens in mattress dust in Norwegian homes – a potentially important source of allergen exposure
Food allergens in mattress dust in Norwegian homes - a potentially important source of allergen exposure.
Bertelsen RJ, Faeste CK, Granum B, Egaas E, London SJ, Carlsen KH, Lødrup Carlsen KC, Løvik M.
Author information
Abstract
BACKGROUND:
Sensitization to food allergens and food allergic reactions are mostly caused by ingesting the allergen, but can also occur from exposure via the respiratory tract or the skin. Little is known about exposure to food allergens in the home environment.
OBJECTIVE:
The objective of this study was firstly to describe the frequency of detection of allergens from fish, egg, milk, and peanut in mattress dust collected from homes of 13-year-old adolescents and secondly to identify home characteristics associated with the presence of food allergen contamination in dust.
METHODS:
Food allergens were measured by dot blot analysis in mattress dust from 143 homes in Oslo, Norway. We analysed associations between home characteristics (collected by parental questionnaires and study technicians) and food allergens by multivariate regression models.
RESULTS:
Fish allergen was detected in 46%, peanut in 41%, milk in 39%, and egg allergen in 22% of the mattress dust samples; only three samples contained none of these allergens. All four food allergens were more frequently detected in mattresses in small dwellings (< 100 m(2) ) than larger dwellings (≥ 130 m(2) ); 63-71% of the small dwellings (n = 24) had milk, peanut, and fish allergens in the samples compared with 33-44% of the larger dwellings (n = 95). Milk, peanut, and egg allergens were more frequently detected in homes with bedroom and kitchen on the same floor as compared with different floors, with odds ratios of 2.5 (95% confidence interval (CI): 1.1, 5.6) for milk, 2.4 (95% CI: 1.0, 6.1) for peanut, and 3.1 (95% CI: 1.3, 7.5) for egg allergens.
CONCLUSIONS AND CLINICAL RELEVANCE:
Food allergens occurred frequently in beds in Norwegian homes, with dwelling size and proximity of kitchen and bedroom as the most important determinants. Due to the amount of time children spent in the bedroom, mattress dust may be an important source of exposure to food allergens.
© 2013 John Wiley & Sons Ltd.
KEYWORDS: adolescents, dust samples, food allergens, home characteristics, indoor environment
PMID: 24304208 [PubMed - in process]
Sources listed above + STAF, Inc. See also below the article
"Can Ginger Help With Asthma"
____________________________
Due to the amount of time children, including the teenagers, spent in the bedroom,
mattress dust may be an important source of exposure to food allergens
*) An allergen is a type of antigen**) that produces an abnormally vigorous immune response in which the immune system fights off a perceived threat that would otherwise be harmless to the body. Such reactions are called click: allergies.
click: Allergens
**) antigen = a toxin or other foreign substance that induces an immune response in the body, esp. the production of antibody
***) antibody = a blood protein produced in response to and counteracting a specific antigen. Antibodies combine chemically with substances that the body recognizes as alien, such as bacteria, viruses, and foreign substances in the blood.
Click: allergies
Teenagers may be sensitized to food allergens by simply hanging out in their bedrooms, as teens like to do, says a study in the January 2014 issue of Clinical & Experimental Allergy.
click: Clinical & Experimental Allergy
Ingestion*) of various foods is believed to be the most common route of exposure to potential food allergens in the general population, researchers said. This study suggests mattresses can also be important reservoirs of dust and food allergens.
*) ingestion = consumption: the process of taking food into the body through the mouth (as by eating)
From 2005 to 2007, inspections were carried out at 143 family homes in Oslo, Norway. The families were participants in a larger study of childhood asthma and each had a 13-year-old boy or girl at the time of the present study. About half the teens had asthma.
STAF,Inc.'s comment: Life is very similar in the U.S. and worldwide - what happens in the Norwegian beds happen in the American beds and in the beds worldwide - thus this information is of interest to everyone worldwide.
A special dust-collecting vacuum was used to vacuum the teens' mattresses, with the sheets off, for four minutes. The dust was analyzed for milk, egg, peanut and fish proteins, which were categorized as probable or confirmed based on the levels detected.
Parents reported the mattress age, teens' bed-making habits, household-cleaning practices and the presence of furry pets. Floor plans, building materials, signs of dampness, and the types of ventilation systems were recorded.
Peanut allergens were confirmed in 41% and deemed probable in 34% of the 143 mattress dust samples. Milk allergens were confirmed in 39% and probable in 29%, while egg was confirmed in 22% and probable in 27%. Allergens from codfish, a popular Norwegian food, were confirmed in 46% of the samples and probable in 29%. All four allergens were found in 7% of the 143 samples and three of the four in 15%. Only three mattresses were free of any food allergens.
Mattresses in girls' bedrooms had significantly higher levels of peanut and egg allergens than those in boys' bedrooms. Girls may be more likely to eat in their bedrooms or have decorative pillows and stuffed toys that act as dust and allergen reservoirs, researchers said. About 90% of the teens had unmade beds during the day, the study found.
Caveat: The study didn't assess the effect of food allergens on the severity of asthma or other allergic conditions.
THE STUDY TEXT
Title: Food allergens in mattress dust in Norwegian homes – a potentially important source of allergen exposure
Food allergens in mattress dust in Norwegian homes - a potentially important source of allergen exposure.
Bertelsen RJ, Faeste CK, Granum B, Egaas E, London SJ, Carlsen KH, Lødrup Carlsen KC, Løvik M.
Author information
Abstract
BACKGROUND:
Sensitization to food allergens and food allergic reactions are mostly caused by ingesting the allergen, but can also occur from exposure via the respiratory tract or the skin. Little is known about exposure to food allergens in the home environment.
OBJECTIVE:
The objective of this study was firstly to describe the frequency of detection of allergens from fish, egg, milk, and peanut in mattress dust collected from homes of 13-year-old adolescents and secondly to identify home characteristics associated with the presence of food allergen contamination in dust.
METHODS:
Food allergens were measured by dot blot analysis in mattress dust from 143 homes in Oslo, Norway. We analysed associations between home characteristics (collected by parental questionnaires and study technicians) and food allergens by multivariate regression models.
RESULTS:
Fish allergen was detected in 46%, peanut in 41%, milk in 39%, and egg allergen in 22% of the mattress dust samples; only three samples contained none of these allergens. All four food allergens were more frequently detected in mattresses in small dwellings (< 100 m(2) ) than larger dwellings (≥ 130 m(2) ); 63-71% of the small dwellings (n = 24) had milk, peanut, and fish allergens in the samples compared with 33-44% of the larger dwellings (n = 95). Milk, peanut, and egg allergens were more frequently detected in homes with bedroom and kitchen on the same floor as compared with different floors, with odds ratios of 2.5 (95% confidence interval (CI): 1.1, 5.6) for milk, 2.4 (95% CI: 1.0, 6.1) for peanut, and 3.1 (95% CI: 1.3, 7.5) for egg allergens.
CONCLUSIONS AND CLINICAL RELEVANCE:
Food allergens occurred frequently in beds in Norwegian homes, with dwelling size and proximity of kitchen and bedroom as the most important determinants. Due to the amount of time children spent in the bedroom, mattress dust may be an important source of exposure to food allergens.
© 2013 John Wiley & Sons Ltd.
KEYWORDS: adolescents, dust samples, food allergens, home characteristics, indoor environment
PMID: 24304208 [PubMed - in process]
Sources listed above + STAF, Inc. See also below the article
"Can Ginger Help With Asthma"
____________________________
See also above the article "Allergens in bed"
Can Ginger Help With Asthma?
Studies Find: It Can Ease Symptoms by Opening Airways
Article 1 of 2 below gives further information about how ginger may help in asthma
Article 2 of 2 below shows that ginger is well known as a treatment for stomach and many other ailments including bronchitis & asthma
Article 1 of 2 (Article 2 of 2 next below)
The Ache: Some 26 million Americans suffer from asthma—a chronic inflammation of airways in the lungs that causes coughing, chest tightness, wheezing and shortness of breath, according to the American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology.
Since you can still have an asthma attack despite regular medications, many patients try alternative treatments—but there is little evidence they work, clinicians say.
The Claim: Ginger, a root known for its strong, earthy flavor, can help ease symptoms of asthma by opening constricted airways.
The Verdict: Ginger, well known as a therapy for an upset stomach, is recently getting attention among scientists for what appears to be its capacity to open constricted airways -- demonstrated in several recent studies, in animals and in human cells tested in a lab.
Human tests, however, are needed to show efficacy, says American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology President Michael Foggs. click: American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology www.acaai.org/Clinical association promoting research, advocacy, and professional and public education
If ginger does prove useful, he adds, it most likely would be taken with existing medicines that control the underlying airway inflammation.
Ginger can be ingested as a fresh root or in capsules as a dietary supplement. In traditional Chinese medicine, it would typically be consumed as a tea—generally with up to a dozen other herbs—as a treatment for certain types of asthma-like symptoms, says Allen Sayigh, manager of the Chinese herb dispensary click: Allen Sayigh, MAc, LAc | Bastyr Center for Natural Health at Bastyr University in Seattle click: Bastyr University
Recent research has found ginger works by simultaneously inhibiting an enzyme that helps cause airway muscles to constrict and activating another enzyme that tends to relax the airways, says biomedical engineer Elizabeth Townsend, co-author of a study published online in the January 2014 issue of the American Journal of Respiratory Cell and Molecular Biology. Click: American Journal of Respiratory Cell and Molecular Biology Searchable archive from 1994, focusing on cellular, biochemical, molecular, developmental, genetic and immunological studies of lung cells and molecules, ...
The study, which tested the effects of ginger components on isolated human airway cells, found ginger worked particularly well in combination with a medication currently used in bronchodilators asthmatics carry in case they have trouble breathing.
click: Asthma Bronchodilators click: Bronchodilator
In rodents, several studies found injections of ginger extracts helped ease simulated asthma conditions. A French study, published in 2008 in the journal International Immunopharmacology, found a ginger extract softened an inflammatory reaction in mouse lungs after the mice were exposed to allergens that irritated their lungs. Click: International Immunopharmacology - Journal Elsevierwww.journals.elsevier.com
Richard J. Martin click: Richard J. Martin, MD, professor and chairman of the department of medicine at National Jewish Health, a hospital in Denver, called the human-cell and rodent lab results "promising" but added that ginger "may have absolutely no effect" on humans.Click:The Leading Respiratory Hospital in the Nation - National Jewish ...
www.nationaljewish.org/National Jewish Health is the leading respiratory hospital in the nation and offers treatment
It won't hurt to try ginger, says Maureen George, assistant professor at the University of Pennsylvania School of Nursing in Philadelphia click: Penn Nursing Science: Maureen George, PhD, RN, AE-C, FAAN
and author of a review article on complementary therapies for asthma. "Even if we don't have definite evidence that it is going to promote bronchial smooth muscle relaxation," it is generally safe, she says.
She cautions that, since ginger grows in the ground and can be contaminated by pesticides, it is a good idea to look for organic fresh root.
Click green for further info
Source: (1) the American Journal of Respiratory Cell and Molecular Biology, (2)WSJ, (3) STAF, Inc.
(Article 2 of 2 next below)
_______________________________________
Article 2 of 2 (Article 1 of 2 next above)
Brief Introduction to use of ginger for ailments
(ailment = an illness, typically a minor one)
Click green for further info
Ginger contains chemicals that may reduce nausea and inflammation. Researchers believe the chemicals work primarily in the stomach and intestines, but they may also work in the brain and nervous system to control nausea.
Ginger is well known as a treatment for stomach ailments, but it's now getting attention as a way to ease asthma symptoms.
Ginger is an herb. The rhizome (underground stem) is used as a spice and also as a medicine. It can be used fresh, dried and powdered, or as a juice or oil.
Ginger is commonly used to treat various types of “stomach problems,” including motion sickness, morning sickness, colic, upset stomach, gas, diarrhea, nausea caused by cancer treatment, nausea and vomiting after surgery, as well as loss of appetite.
Other uses include pain relief from arthritis or muscle soreness, menstrual pain, upper respiratory tract infections, cough, and bronchitis. Ginger is also sometimes used for chest pain, low back pain, and stomach pain.
Some people pour the fresh juice on their skin to treat burns. The oil made from ginger is sometimes applied to the skin to relieve pain.
In foods and beverages, ginger is used as a flavoring agent.
In manufacturing, ginger is used as for fragrance in soaps and cosmetics.
One of the chemicals in ginger is also used as an ingredient in laxative, anti-gas, and antacid medications.
How does it work? Ginger contains chemicals that may reduce nausea and inflammation. Researchers believe the chemicals work primarily in the stomach and intestines, but they may also work in the brain and nervous system to control nausea.
Source: (1) Internet MD, (2) STAF, Inc.
______________________________
Can Ginger Help With Asthma?
Studies Find: It Can Ease Symptoms by Opening Airways
Article 1 of 2 below gives further information about how ginger may help in asthma
Article 2 of 2 below shows that ginger is well known as a treatment for stomach and many other ailments including bronchitis & asthma
Article 1 of 2 (Article 2 of 2 next below)
The Ache: Some 26 million Americans suffer from asthma—a chronic inflammation of airways in the lungs that causes coughing, chest tightness, wheezing and shortness of breath, according to the American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology.
Since you can still have an asthma attack despite regular medications, many patients try alternative treatments—but there is little evidence they work, clinicians say.
The Claim: Ginger, a root known for its strong, earthy flavor, can help ease symptoms of asthma by opening constricted airways.
The Verdict: Ginger, well known as a therapy for an upset stomach, is recently getting attention among scientists for what appears to be its capacity to open constricted airways -- demonstrated in several recent studies, in animals and in human cells tested in a lab.
Human tests, however, are needed to show efficacy, says American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology President Michael Foggs. click: American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology www.acaai.org/Clinical association promoting research, advocacy, and professional and public education
If ginger does prove useful, he adds, it most likely would be taken with existing medicines that control the underlying airway inflammation.
Ginger can be ingested as a fresh root or in capsules as a dietary supplement. In traditional Chinese medicine, it would typically be consumed as a tea—generally with up to a dozen other herbs—as a treatment for certain types of asthma-like symptoms, says Allen Sayigh, manager of the Chinese herb dispensary click: Allen Sayigh, MAc, LAc | Bastyr Center for Natural Health at Bastyr University in Seattle click: Bastyr University
Recent research has found ginger works by simultaneously inhibiting an enzyme that helps cause airway muscles to constrict and activating another enzyme that tends to relax the airways, says biomedical engineer Elizabeth Townsend, co-author of a study published online in the January 2014 issue of the American Journal of Respiratory Cell and Molecular Biology. Click: American Journal of Respiratory Cell and Molecular Biology Searchable archive from 1994, focusing on cellular, biochemical, molecular, developmental, genetic and immunological studies of lung cells and molecules, ...
The study, which tested the effects of ginger components on isolated human airway cells, found ginger worked particularly well in combination with a medication currently used in bronchodilators asthmatics carry in case they have trouble breathing.
click: Asthma Bronchodilators click: Bronchodilator
In rodents, several studies found injections of ginger extracts helped ease simulated asthma conditions. A French study, published in 2008 in the journal International Immunopharmacology, found a ginger extract softened an inflammatory reaction in mouse lungs after the mice were exposed to allergens that irritated their lungs. Click: International Immunopharmacology - Journal Elsevierwww.journals.elsevier.com
Richard J. Martin click: Richard J. Martin, MD, professor and chairman of the department of medicine at National Jewish Health, a hospital in Denver, called the human-cell and rodent lab results "promising" but added that ginger "may have absolutely no effect" on humans.Click:The Leading Respiratory Hospital in the Nation - National Jewish ...
www.nationaljewish.org/National Jewish Health is the leading respiratory hospital in the nation and offers treatment
It won't hurt to try ginger, says Maureen George, assistant professor at the University of Pennsylvania School of Nursing in Philadelphia click: Penn Nursing Science: Maureen George, PhD, RN, AE-C, FAAN
and author of a review article on complementary therapies for asthma. "Even if we don't have definite evidence that it is going to promote bronchial smooth muscle relaxation," it is generally safe, she says.
She cautions that, since ginger grows in the ground and can be contaminated by pesticides, it is a good idea to look for organic fresh root.
Click green for further info
Source: (1) the American Journal of Respiratory Cell and Molecular Biology, (2)WSJ, (3) STAF, Inc.
(Article 2 of 2 next below)
_______________________________________
Article 2 of 2 (Article 1 of 2 next above)
Brief Introduction to use of ginger for ailments
(ailment = an illness, typically a minor one)
Click green for further info
Ginger contains chemicals that may reduce nausea and inflammation. Researchers believe the chemicals work primarily in the stomach and intestines, but they may also work in the brain and nervous system to control nausea.
Ginger is well known as a treatment for stomach ailments, but it's now getting attention as a way to ease asthma symptoms.
Ginger is an herb. The rhizome (underground stem) is used as a spice and also as a medicine. It can be used fresh, dried and powdered, or as a juice or oil.
Ginger is commonly used to treat various types of “stomach problems,” including motion sickness, morning sickness, colic, upset stomach, gas, diarrhea, nausea caused by cancer treatment, nausea and vomiting after surgery, as well as loss of appetite.
Other uses include pain relief from arthritis or muscle soreness, menstrual pain, upper respiratory tract infections, cough, and bronchitis. Ginger is also sometimes used for chest pain, low back pain, and stomach pain.
Some people pour the fresh juice on their skin to treat burns. The oil made from ginger is sometimes applied to the skin to relieve pain.
In foods and beverages, ginger is used as a flavoring agent.
In manufacturing, ginger is used as for fragrance in soaps and cosmetics.
One of the chemicals in ginger is also used as an ingredient in laxative, anti-gas, and antacid medications.
How does it work? Ginger contains chemicals that may reduce nausea and inflammation. Researchers believe the chemicals work primarily in the stomach and intestines, but they may also work in the brain and nervous system to control nausea.
Source: (1) Internet MD, (2) STAF, Inc.
______________________________
Think before you let your child to get involved in dangerous sports
Discuss the facts carefully in your family
For Young Athletes, Injuries Need Special Care
More Programs Are Using Procedures and Surgical Techniques Tailored for Kids
Two million sports injuries
to high-school athletes each year
Source: Stop Sports Injuries
Hurt on the Field
Percentage of players ages 12 to 17 whose injuries required emergency room treatment in 2011:
click: Safe Kids Worldwidewww.safekids.org
Children's hospitals are expanding programs to care for a fast-growing category of young patients: injured athletes.The rehabilitation needs of children and teens are different than those of adults. More sports medicine programs are working exclusively with young athletes, using surgical techniques and physical therapy protocols that don't interfere with growing bones and cartilage.
One aim of this is to prevent affecting the growth plate—the area of growing tissue near the end of long bones in children and teens. For example, while adults may lift heavier weights to build muscle during physical therapy, pediatric patients may do higher repetitions with lower resistance to avoid hurting growing bones, muscles and tendons. The programs also offer encouragement and support for kids upset to be sitting out of a beloved sport.
More than 3.5 million children a year receive treatment for sports injury, according to Stop Sports Injuries, a campaign whose backers include the American Orthopaedic Society for Sports Medicine. And high-school athletes account for an estimated 2 million sports injuries each year. While concussions account for about 15% of youth sports injuries, experts say many sports carry risks for musculoskeletal injuries, in large part due to increased emphasis on year-round competition, single-sport concentration and intense training regimens.
A study published last year by Boston Children's Hospital warned that children of all ages are sustaining significant sports injuries that require surgical intervention. "In the past we'd put a cast on a broken leg, take it off six to 13 weeks later and send kids home," says Lyle Micheli, director of the hospital's division of sports medicine. "Now we realize we have to very systematically rehabilitate these kids for strength and basic function, and determine when it is safe for them to return to play."
While injuries from recreational activities such as biking have fallen over the last decade, team sports including football and soccer saw injuries rise by 22.8% and 10.8% respectively, according to a study last year by Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center.
Doctors are seeing more overuse injuries. There has been a fivefold increase since 2000 in the number of shoulder and elbow injuries among youth baseball and softball players, according to Stop Sports Injuries.
Children's Hospital & Research Center Oakland, in California, last fall opened a Sports Medicine Center for Young Athletes at its Walnut Creek campus. "It's hard for kids to do rehabilitation next to an 85-year-old stroke victim or a 75-year-old cancer patient," says Nirav Pandya, the center's director, and an orthopedic surgeon. The center and many other pediatric clinics offer classes and programs to help kids improve sports performance while avoiding injury.
Physical therapy after injury and surgery, such as repair to the anterior cruciate ligament in the knee, is covered by insurance for varying periods. After that, clinics may design a regimen children can perform at home or at a local fitness facility.
Jeremy Frank, a pediatric orthopedic surgeon at Memorial Healthcare System's Joe DiMaggio Children's Hospital in Hollywood, Fla., says that there is often little pain a week after minimally invasive ACL surgery, so young people "think they are good to go and don't realize they have six months of rehabilitation in front of them." Often, he says, there is a "bargaining moment" where his young patients try to get him to approve more activity than they are ready for. Patients are generally referred to Memorial's two U-18—for Under 18—physical rehabilitation clinics in Coral Springs, Fla., where therapists work with families and coaches to stress the importance of healing.
Dr. Frank, U-18's assistant director, says while the vast majority of athletes get back to sports and do well, there are times when a young patient sustains multiple injuries such as a third ACL tear. "You have arthritic changes in your knee, and you have to stop playing soccer," he says.
Dylan Rupert, 17, a running back and captain of the Cypress Bay High School football team in Weston, Fla., tore his ACL during play last fall. His parents opted for a repair technique, which surgeons are more often using in pediatric patients. The procedure avoids drilling through the growth plate and may decrease risks of future pain and re-injury. The surgery used part of Dylan's own hamstring rather than a cadaver tissue more commonly used in adults. He started rehab at Coral Springs three days after his Oct. 22 surgery.
The injury was devastating for Dylan. It came just as he was getting the attention of college coaches, says his mother, Monica Puga-Finch, an information technology program director at the clinic's parent Memorial. In his first physical therapy session, senior therapist Whitney Chambers helped calm his fears, but "told him that she was going to push him, and he couldn't say 'I can't.' " As the sessions continued twice a week he would often come out sweating and sore but excited, "with a sense of accomplishment," Ms. Puga-Finch says. Ms. Chambers helped with the emotional aspects of being sidelined, encouraging him to go to practices and games with his team. His rehabilitation is expected to take six to eight months. He plans to return to sports in college.
Ms. Chambers says physical therapy after the growth-plate sparing procedure is more conservative than for the traditional ACL reconstruction. It starts with protective weight bearing exercises using crutches and a knee brace, gentle range of motion work, and ice and electrical stimulation for swelling and pain control. Then she works on strengthening muscles and restoring joint flexibility. To make it more fun, she uses games or obstacle courses.
The clinic uses screening questionnaires to identify kids at risk of depression, who may be referred to a child psychologist.
Kaylyn Lambertt who has played soccer from the age of 6, was a junior in high school when she felt a searing pain in her left hip during a game in December 2010. She continued to play for months as it got worse. Her labrum, part of her hip joint, was torn in two places, with a socket out of place. A lump on her bone was wearing down the cartilage every time she walked or ran. She had surgery to repair the damage in 2011, followed by months of rehabilitation with Ms. Chambers.
She returned to soccer her senior year, but began feeling pain, this time in her right hip. Dr. Frank told her that she had torn the labrum. She underwent a second surgery in December 2012. She returned to Ms. Chambers and realized during their talks that "soccer isn't everything." Now a freshman at Florida State University she plays a pickup game of soccer now and then, but is focused on what Ms. Chambers inspired her to chose as a career: physical therapy.
Source: (1) Safe Kids Worldwide, (2) WSJ, (3) STAF, Inc.
click: Safe Kids Worldwidewww.safekids.org/A global network of organizations aiming to prevent accidental childhood injury. Provides details of programs and members, with video, news, and safety tips.
National CPS Certification - Safety Tips - Events - Keeping All Kids Safe
_______________________________________________
Discuss the facts carefully in your family
For Young Athletes, Injuries Need Special Care
More Programs Are Using Procedures and Surgical Techniques Tailored for Kids
Two million sports injuries
to high-school athletes each year
Source: Stop Sports Injuries
Hurt on the Field
Percentage of players ages 12 to 17 whose injuries required emergency room treatment in 2011:
- Football 8.5%
- Wrestling 5.1%
- Basketball 4%
- Soccer 2.8%
- Cheerleading 2.5%
- Baseball 2.3%
- Softball 1.8%
click: Safe Kids Worldwidewww.safekids.org
Children's hospitals are expanding programs to care for a fast-growing category of young patients: injured athletes.The rehabilitation needs of children and teens are different than those of adults. More sports medicine programs are working exclusively with young athletes, using surgical techniques and physical therapy protocols that don't interfere with growing bones and cartilage.
One aim of this is to prevent affecting the growth plate—the area of growing tissue near the end of long bones in children and teens. For example, while adults may lift heavier weights to build muscle during physical therapy, pediatric patients may do higher repetitions with lower resistance to avoid hurting growing bones, muscles and tendons. The programs also offer encouragement and support for kids upset to be sitting out of a beloved sport.
More than 3.5 million children a year receive treatment for sports injury, according to Stop Sports Injuries, a campaign whose backers include the American Orthopaedic Society for Sports Medicine. And high-school athletes account for an estimated 2 million sports injuries each year. While concussions account for about 15% of youth sports injuries, experts say many sports carry risks for musculoskeletal injuries, in large part due to increased emphasis on year-round competition, single-sport concentration and intense training regimens.
A study published last year by Boston Children's Hospital warned that children of all ages are sustaining significant sports injuries that require surgical intervention. "In the past we'd put a cast on a broken leg, take it off six to 13 weeks later and send kids home," says Lyle Micheli, director of the hospital's division of sports medicine. "Now we realize we have to very systematically rehabilitate these kids for strength and basic function, and determine when it is safe for them to return to play."
While injuries from recreational activities such as biking have fallen over the last decade, team sports including football and soccer saw injuries rise by 22.8% and 10.8% respectively, according to a study last year by Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center.
Doctors are seeing more overuse injuries. There has been a fivefold increase since 2000 in the number of shoulder and elbow injuries among youth baseball and softball players, according to Stop Sports Injuries.
Children's Hospital & Research Center Oakland, in California, last fall opened a Sports Medicine Center for Young Athletes at its Walnut Creek campus. "It's hard for kids to do rehabilitation next to an 85-year-old stroke victim or a 75-year-old cancer patient," says Nirav Pandya, the center's director, and an orthopedic surgeon. The center and many other pediatric clinics offer classes and programs to help kids improve sports performance while avoiding injury.
Physical therapy after injury and surgery, such as repair to the anterior cruciate ligament in the knee, is covered by insurance for varying periods. After that, clinics may design a regimen children can perform at home or at a local fitness facility.
Jeremy Frank, a pediatric orthopedic surgeon at Memorial Healthcare System's Joe DiMaggio Children's Hospital in Hollywood, Fla., says that there is often little pain a week after minimally invasive ACL surgery, so young people "think they are good to go and don't realize they have six months of rehabilitation in front of them." Often, he says, there is a "bargaining moment" where his young patients try to get him to approve more activity than they are ready for. Patients are generally referred to Memorial's two U-18—for Under 18—physical rehabilitation clinics in Coral Springs, Fla., where therapists work with families and coaches to stress the importance of healing.
Dr. Frank, U-18's assistant director, says while the vast majority of athletes get back to sports and do well, there are times when a young patient sustains multiple injuries such as a third ACL tear. "You have arthritic changes in your knee, and you have to stop playing soccer," he says.
Dylan Rupert, 17, a running back and captain of the Cypress Bay High School football team in Weston, Fla., tore his ACL during play last fall. His parents opted for a repair technique, which surgeons are more often using in pediatric patients. The procedure avoids drilling through the growth plate and may decrease risks of future pain and re-injury. The surgery used part of Dylan's own hamstring rather than a cadaver tissue more commonly used in adults. He started rehab at Coral Springs three days after his Oct. 22 surgery.
The injury was devastating for Dylan. It came just as he was getting the attention of college coaches, says his mother, Monica Puga-Finch, an information technology program director at the clinic's parent Memorial. In his first physical therapy session, senior therapist Whitney Chambers helped calm his fears, but "told him that she was going to push him, and he couldn't say 'I can't.' " As the sessions continued twice a week he would often come out sweating and sore but excited, "with a sense of accomplishment," Ms. Puga-Finch says. Ms. Chambers helped with the emotional aspects of being sidelined, encouraging him to go to practices and games with his team. His rehabilitation is expected to take six to eight months. He plans to return to sports in college.
Ms. Chambers says physical therapy after the growth-plate sparing procedure is more conservative than for the traditional ACL reconstruction. It starts with protective weight bearing exercises using crutches and a knee brace, gentle range of motion work, and ice and electrical stimulation for swelling and pain control. Then she works on strengthening muscles and restoring joint flexibility. To make it more fun, she uses games or obstacle courses.
The clinic uses screening questionnaires to identify kids at risk of depression, who may be referred to a child psychologist.
Kaylyn Lambertt who has played soccer from the age of 6, was a junior in high school when she felt a searing pain in her left hip during a game in December 2010. She continued to play for months as it got worse. Her labrum, part of her hip joint, was torn in two places, with a socket out of place. A lump on her bone was wearing down the cartilage every time she walked or ran. She had surgery to repair the damage in 2011, followed by months of rehabilitation with Ms. Chambers.
She returned to soccer her senior year, but began feeling pain, this time in her right hip. Dr. Frank told her that she had torn the labrum. She underwent a second surgery in December 2012. She returned to Ms. Chambers and realized during their talks that "soccer isn't everything." Now a freshman at Florida State University she plays a pickup game of soccer now and then, but is focused on what Ms. Chambers inspired her to chose as a career: physical therapy.
Source: (1) Safe Kids Worldwide, (2) WSJ, (3) STAF, Inc.
click: Safe Kids Worldwidewww.safekids.org/A global network of organizations aiming to prevent accidental childhood injury. Provides details of programs and members, with video, news, and safety tips.
National CPS Certification - Safety Tips - Events - Keeping All Kids Safe
_______________________________________________
Gifts of Life -
In what position do you find yourself & your behavior in your marriage & in your family?
Are you showing love in your words or are you giving silence?
How many times a day (in a believable manner) do you tell your spouse how much you love him/her?
How often do you you tell and show in action how happy you are that you married your spouse?
How often do you praise your children?
How often do you criticize your children?
Are you motivator or are you fault finder?
How often do you raise your voice in your home?
Are you an inspiration or a perspiration to your family?
Be a source of joy and wisdom to your family - you can if you so decide
"The tongue has the power of life and death…" (Proverbs 18:21 NIV)
The Bible tells us that our words contain the power of life and death. You have the power to speak life into your home and the people around you, and you were given that power for a reason. The people around you need to hear your words of encouragement. Your encouraging words are more meaningful to them than anyone else's! They are like little gifts of life that the people closest to you need to hear.
Sometimes we compliment total strangers or people we barely know more than we compliment our own family members. Many times, a person will tell a coworker what a great job they did, but when their own spouse excels, they don't say a word. We need to always make it a priority to compliment and encourage our own family members first.
It's easy to take the people closest to us for granted. You might think, "Oh, I don't need to say anything. They know how I feel." Or, "She knows I think she is beautiful...He knows I think he's great." Maybe so, but a blessing is not a blessing until it is spoken. When you release those positive, faith-filled words of affirmation, they have a positive impact on the lives of the people you love.
I am convinced that when we put family first, when we take the time and make the effort to be good to our family members and give them our best, then all the other relationships in our lives will improve as well.
Always remember, the people in your inner circle not only want your approval—they need it. Life and death are in the power of your tongue, and the seeds you sow will produce a harvest for your own future. Speak words of faith and victory and set yourself up for a harvest of victory in your own future. Give gifts of life to others and receive His life in abundance in return.
The above partially written
by Victoria Osteen - click: Victoria Osteen
& by GCG Ministry
"The tongue has the power of life and death…" (Proverbs 18:21 NIV)
_________________________________________
====================================================================================================================
Love, patience & forgiveness
the 3 keys for a happy marriage lasting forever ______________
“To err is human; to forgive, divine”
Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
English poet
____________
Below in this tab (= page)
hundreds of family-related articles full of knowledge and guidance - so is every tab (= page) in this advice website full of articles of that tab's topics - every article in this tab and in the whole advice website gives information for your family's better future.
In your weekly family meeting handle 1 - 2 or more articles from different tabs to have information balanced for every area of human life. Decide first what articles everyone reads during the week and then in your weekly family meeting discuss the articles and decide how you all as a family apply the new information in your family.
______________________
Restoring Any Marriage™ - RAM™
Restoring any relationship
The professional doing this work is:
a
Marriage Restorer©
a new title developed by STAF, Inc.
All material in this extensive STAF, Inc.'s website, including in this tab page,
is being used for College & University education for all degree levels: Assoc., B.A., M.A., Ph.D.,
in several different academic professions
In addition, STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Show, DrDrCanYouHelpMe,
provides to the listener free College, University & CEU credits
(details in tab: Radio/TV Shows in this website)
____
STAF, Inc.'s mission for your family's best:
Less suffering - more life™
____
STAF, Inc. saves lives
__________
To inspect STAF, Inc.'s first 3 pages in its original founding acceptance documents provided by the State of New York: click the green click: click
STAF, Inc.'s purpose and its mission statements are in those 3 pages
STAF, Inc. is a not-for-profit organization
_________________________
All types of family issues are handled in this tab
_____
Quotation "Knowledge is no power - only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.'s President)
_____
"Raven hair, and ruby lips,
Sparks fly from her fingertips"
www.donhenley.com
www.bernieleadononline.com
____________________
The broken family syndrome™
is what children and both spouses experience
in a marital separation or divorce
(1) A parental separation or divorce will destroy your children's future - see below the list of 12 life disasters your children will face;
(2) A parental separation or divorce will destroy your & your spouse's future - there is a better choice.
By all means, avoid any marital separation or divorce
A separation or divorce will ALWAYS destroy
every family member's life more or less - it is a fact
__________________________
Here a link to a celebrity marriage & child custody challenges
Click the green title: Custody Battle Raises Questions About the Rights of Women ...Miller left her pregnant, a former firefighter moved across the country, ...Seeing a Threat In Admonishment Of a Mother-to-Be For Moving ..
If the green title link has expired search the New York Times for the full article & pictures _________________________________________________________
Quotation
Everything in life is temporary, because everything changes. That's why it takes great courage to love, knowing it might end anytime but having the faith it will last forever.
Quotation
A gentleman gives his lady the attention she deserves, gives her all of his love, calls her beautiful, and treats her like a queen.
By all means, avoid any marital separation or divorce
STAF, Inc. will show you how
(1) your family will stay happily together forever, and
(2) in any challenged time STAF, Inc. guides your marriage and family back to happiness & success in life.
The first step is to study the material in this tab "Restoring Any Marriage" and apply the information and advice.
If only one spouse studies and applies the material the results will, like a miracle, come. The other spouse will automatically co-operate and you both learn how to heal your relationship.
Your marriage will become functional and finally you both will experience Heavenly Happiness™. Your healed marriage happiness will be deeper & filled with more joy than what you experienced in your wedding day.
The good results will come faster, when and if both spouses study the same material and even faster when and if both spouses studies all material together and also discussing the topics together.
In case, for any practical reasons, both spouses study the happiness-bringing guidance in this tab privately, then have scheduled discussions together how to apply the guidance in your daily life.
Additional guidance you can get from STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restorers™.
Contact STAF, make an appointment to visit our physical office OR start your private Marriage Restoring session(s) by applying the most modern technology via the internet. The private sessions then come to your home. For the private services STAF, Inc. gives a lifetime result-guarantee with a one-time-fee. The fee is based on the estimated number of needed sessions. The service contract is provided in writing. Avoid all failure, avoid financial difficulties, save your children's future. STAF, Inc. can and will guide you back to happiness & success.
STAF, Inc. is the leading organization to restore any broken marriage. No one anywhere gives a similar lifetime double guarantee: (1) one-time fee, (2) lifetime result-guarantee.
"STAF, Inc. will be your staff to give you a new life"
STAF, Inc. services can wisely be used also for prevention and for deepening you marital happiness.
The happier your marriage, the healthier both spouses and the healthier all your children will be.
The happier your home, the more successful your children will be. Start the road to your new family happiness by studying this whole tab for your family's new life.
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STAF, Inc.'s mission for your family's best:
Less suffering - more life™
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STAF, Inc. save lives
To inspect STAF, Inc.'s first 3 pages in its original founding acceptance documents provided by the State of New York: click the green click: click
STAF, Inc.'s purpose and its mission statements are in those 3 pages
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STAF, Inc.'s TMM™ - True Marriage Miracle™
program will restore any broken marriage when at the same time so called
”traditional” marriage counseling by licensed Counselors fails about
72 % in all counseling cases.
A broken marriage, The broken family syndrome™, will cause serious challenges to both spouses and of course even more to the children. When a couple married in a "traditional manner" (= met, dated, fell in love, proposal, wedding plans, wedding) the REAL LOVE has been between the woman & the man. REAL LOVE NEVER DIES- never ends, never disappears. The emotional part of the human brains too easily becomes dominant while the rational part kicks in much later. When the marriage was created in a traditional manner, it is always the wisest decision to do everything to get back together as a couple even after a separation or a divorce). A restored marriage is happier than the first one. Accept the Heavenly Happiness (TM). In such a situation the couple can literally save their children from serious difficulties.
See below "12 disasters happening to a child in a divorce"
The broken family syndrome™
Often, too often the Court Judges (not all of them) have a preset attitude to order the children living with their mother. The same preset attitude is common among the public. There is NO scientific proof that the mother is more suitable than the father. Some researcher actually state that a single father would be a more competent single parent than a single mother
Every modern family, couple & child specialist agrees on the following two (2) statements:
(1) No father daily present: The phenomenon of boys growing without fathers is critical.
All research shows the devastating effects of growing up without a father - cognitive functions, health functions, social functions. That is a killer combination.
(2) On single-mothering: Parents show love to their children differently.
A mother's love may be more unconditional - a father may set terms for a child to meet in order to receive approval. In a single-mother household, it is very important that the mother does everything with the father to restore a broken marriage. If the mother is single for some other reason, the partial solution is that the mother shifts into a split role of both parents, offering love but guidelines and discipline, to account for the lack of a male mentor at home. An additional solution is to use the connections from the Big Brother organization.
This may give the child(ren) a male role model.
Our not-for-profit organization, STAF, Inc., will successfully restore EVERY BROKEN MARRIAGE when the marriage was done in a traditional manner.
REAL love is always present in a marriage done in a traditional manner.
In our private services to restore a broken marriage, our organization, STAF, Inc., gives a life-time warranty with one-time fee only.
Call for an appointment 203-788-1876 or 401-427-2227 or 1-888-DO-IT-123 .
IMPORTANT INFO
13 disasters every child is facing
in a separation & divorce
STAF, Inc. saves lives
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Study this brief list of the terrible life-destroying disasters
a parental separation or a divorce will cause
(1) to your children & (2) to you, the parents
More detailed information below in this tab
All of these 13 disasters are based on the most recent science
The separating or divorcing spouses will experience
(1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties.
Every child experiencing a parental separation or divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here:
(1) overall increased risks to health & welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) Recent discovery by the researches: Highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
(13) Another recent discovery by the researchers: Serious high blood pressure challenges in his/her adult years when growing up with only one parent.
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By all means: avoid any separation and never get divorced
By getting separated or divorced your child(ren) will be facing more or less of these life-destroying challenges.
Is this what you want to your child(ren)?
Heal your marriage - It can be done - STAF, Inc. will help.
Just alone to apply all information in this internet seminar you can heal your marriage.
If you need further help, contact STAF, Inc. - we will help.
Contact info in the home page.
By all means: avoid any separation and never get divorced
A better choice for health & wealth and for your children's successful future is
to heal your marriage - STAF, Inc. WILL guide you and your family to have a new life.
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The comment next below
is being placed in the internet as a response to multiple articles relating to the gun discussions
Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
Practically all mass shooters have two things in common: (1) they are victims of a divorce & (2) they are all males.
A growing boy needs especially his father's continuous presence and guidance, more so than his mother's. The moral in our marriages has gone close to a zero. The children grow up disturbed & misled. In addition, the violent video games & violent movies are replacing the parental love & healthy attention - the children get a wrong picture about being a human being. The young mass killers suffer from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™.
In a family separation & divorce both spouses will experience (1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties. Any traditionally done marriage turned dysfunctional can be healed. Giving up as the first solution is not reasonable for anyone. A separation and a divorce are serious child abuse.
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here: (1) overall increased risks to health & welfare; (2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researchers: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
In every recent case, including Colorado, all these above reasons were present. The CT mass shooter Adam Lanza hated his mother (killed her first) because she had initiated the divorce and took his father away.
He hated his father because (as any child would wrongly feel) Adam believed his father did not love him any longer and had abandoned him. Any child specialist would know this reason. Adam's possible autism is not the reason for a violent behavior. But uncontrolled jealousy and denied love are - some of the reasons for the mass shooters' behavior. E.g., in many cultures (not that it is right) going after the other lover was widely (and still is) admired and even permitted.
The long-term solution is to start educating the whole nation how to heal the American Family & our homes where our children are growing up. In the U.S. marriage happiness & child raising education for every family & every teenager in our schools (and colleges) is fully missing today but is present in most other developed countries in their school curricula.
In a happy home with both parents present the children grow up healthy - no Broken Marriage Syndrome™ and no reason to go to punish the world by killing everyone around.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a fully new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency, and to be named its first federal director. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner.
Visit STAF,Inc.'s extensive websites. To find the correct website, use STAF, Inc.'s Radio Show title - lower & upper keys as is here: "DrDrCanYouHelpMe" in the internet search. Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Show (original recordings 24/7 in the internet) - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits.
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc.'s founding President
________________________
STAF, Inc.'s mission for your family's best:
Less suffering - more life™
____
STAF, Inc. save lives
_______________
Study the article:
"The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage - good - bad or - neutral"
in this same tab, in the sub-tab: Successology® - Success for Life
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In this page or tab all types of family-related topics are handled -
also this brave dog article below belongs to the family topics category
A heroic, inspiring story
Family dog helps alert parents to abusive baby sitter
Click green for further info
Depending on the breed the dogs have an intelligent level of about a 2 - 4 years old human child and like humans all dogs have deep emotions and feelings. With their long-range hearing capability the dogs can effectively warn of dangers. At the end of this article are two web links connecting to further information
of the dogs' intelligence & talent level.
A loyal and protective dog helped alert parents to an abusive baby sitter in South Carolina.
According to WCSC, which originally reported the story, the dog began exhibiting aggressive behavior whenever the baby sitter, 22-year-old Alexis Khan, would approach the couple's then 7-month-old son, Finn.
By this point, the baby sitter had already been employed by the family for five months. The parents, fearing the worst but not wishing to act presumptuously, hid a camera phone between the couch cushions.
Their worst fears were quickly confirmed. Finn's father, Benjamin Jordan, recounted the details to WCSC:
"It started with cussing," Jordan said. "Then you hear slap noises and his crying changes from a distress cry to a pain cry. I just wanted to reach through the audio tape, go back in time and just grab him up."
"To know that five months I had handed my child to a monster, not knowing what was going on in my house for that day," said Jordan.
Khan was arrested several weeks later. Confronted with the audio made by the parents, she reportedly confessed. She was later sentenced to one to three years in prison. She will also have to register as a child abuser and will not be allowed to work with children in the future.
The Jordans told WSCS that their child is doing fine and shows no lingering effects of the abuse. They also gave thanks to their dog.
"Had our dog not alerted us to the trouble, had my wife's instincts not said we need to make something happen, it could have been Finn that was killed by the baby sitter. You never know," he said.
Last year, another heroic dog thwarted*) a kidnapping at an Indianapolis home. In 2011, a dog in the Philippines jumped in front of an out-of-control motorcycle, keeping the bike from hitting nearby children and losing its snout in the process. *) thwart = prevent (someone) from accomplishing something
Click green for further info:
For a video relating to this brave dog story click the below link (if expired search the web with the title
News for Family dog helps alert parents to abusive ...
Beliefnet (blog)- Click: Busted: Dog alerts family to babysitter's abuse HLNtv.com -
- Click HLN: The News and Views network | HLNtv.comwww.hlntv.com/ ________________________________________
Dogs Are "People", Too?
By GREGORY BERNS - Gregory Berns is a professor of neuroeconomics at Emory University and the author of “How Dogs Love Us: A Neuroscientist and His Adopted Dog Decode the Canine Brain.”
FOR the past two years, my colleagues and I have been training dogs to go in an M.R.I. scanner — completely awake and unrestrained. Our goal has been to determine how dogs’ brains work and, even more important, what they think of us humans.
Now, after training and scanning a dozen dogs, my one inescapable (= impossible to escape or avoid; inevitable) conclusion is this: dogs are people, too.
Because dogs can’t speak, scientists have relied on behavioral observations to infer what dogs are thinking. It is a tricky business. You can’t ask a dog why he does something. And you certainly can’t ask him how he feels. The prospect of ferreting out (= search and discover through persistent investigation) animal emotions scares many scientists. After all, animal research is big business. It has been easy to sidestep the difficult questions about animal sentience
(= awareness: state of elementary or undifferentiated consciousness) and emotions because they have been unanswerable.
Until now.
By looking directly at their brains and bypassing the constraints of behaviorism, M.R.I.’s (= magnetic resonance imaging)
can tell us about dogs’ internal states. M.R.I.’s are conducted in loud, confined (= restricted in area) spaces. People don’t like them, and you have to hold absolutely still during the procedure. Conventional veterinary practice says you have to anesthetize animals so they don’t move during a scan. But you can’t study brain function in an anesthetized animal. At least not anything interesting like perception or emotion.
From the beginning, we treated the dogs as persons. We had a consent form, which was modeled after a child’s consent form but signed by the dog’s owner. We emphasized that participation was voluntary, and that the dog had the right to quit the study. We used only positive training methods. No sedation. No restraints. If the dogs didn’t want to be in the M.R.I. scanner, they could leave. Same as any human volunteer.
My dog Callie was the first. Rescued from a shelter, Callie was a skinny black terrier mix, what is called a feist
(= a nervous belligerent(= hostile and aggressive) little mongrel (= a cross between different breeds) dog in the southern Appalachians, from where she came. True to her roots, she preferred hunting squirrels and rabbits in the backyard to curling up in my lap. She had a natural inquisitiveness, which probably landed her in the shelter in the first place, but also made training a breeze.
With the help of my friend Mark Spivak, a dog trainer, we started teaching Callie to go into an M.R.I. simulator that
I built in my living room. She learned to walk up steps into a tube, place her head in a custom-fitted chin rest, and hold rock-still for periods of up to 30 seconds. Oh, and she had to learn to wear earmuffs to protect her sensitive hearing from the 95 decibels of noise the scanner makes.
After months of training and some trial-and-error at the real M.R.I. scanner, we were rewarded with the first maps of brain activity. For our first tests, we measured Callie’s brain response to two hand signals in the scanner. In later experiments, not yet published, we determined which parts of her brain distinguished the scents of familiar and unfamiliar dogs and humans.
Soon, the local dog community learned of our quest to determine what dogs are thinking. Within a year, we had assembled a team of a dozen dogs who were all “M.R.I.-certified.”
Although we are just beginning to answer basic questions about the canine brain, we cannot ignore the striking similarity between dogs and humans in both the structure and function of a key brain region: the caudate nucleus
click: Caudate nucleus - Wikipedia
Rich in dopamine *) receptors, the caudate sits between the brainstem and the cortex. In humans, the caudate plays a key role in the anticipation of things we enjoy, like food, love and money. But can we flip this association around and infer what a person is thinking just by measuring caudate activity? Because of the overwhelming complexity of how different parts of the brain are connected to one another, it is not usually possible to pin a single cognitive function or emotion to a single brain region.
*) Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centers. Dopamine also helps regulate movement and emotional responses, and it enables us not only to see rewards, but to take action to move toward them. Dopamine deficiency results in Parkinson's Disease, and people with low dopamine activity may be more prone to addiction. The presence of a certain kind of dopamine receptor is also associated with sensation-seeking. Dopamine | Psychology Todaywww.psychologytoday.com/basics/dopamine
But the caudate may be an exception. Specific parts of the caudate stand out for their consistent activation to many things that humans enjoy. Caudate activation is so consistent that under the right circumstances, it can predict our preferences for food, music and even beauty.
In dogs, we found that activity in the caudate increased in response to hand signals indicating food. The caudate also activated to the smells of familiar humans. And in preliminary tests, it activated to the return of an owner who had momentarily stepped out of view. Do these findings prove that dogs love us? Not quite. But many of the same things that activate the human caudate, which are associated with positive emotions, also activate the dog caudate. Neuroscientists call this a functional homolo0gy (= homologous = having the same relation, relative position, or structure, in particular)
and it may be an indication of canine emotions.
click: Functional Homology and Homology of Function
The ability to experience positive emotions, like love and attachment, would mean that dogs have a level of sentience comparable to that of a human child. And this ability suggests a rethinking of how we treat dogs.
DOGS have long been considered property. Though the Animal Welfare Act of 1966 and state laws raised the bar for the treatment of animals, they solidified the view that animals are things — objects that can be disposed of as long as reasonable care is taken to minimize their suffering.
But now, by using the M.R.I. to push away the limitations of behaviorism, we can no longer hide from the evidence. Dogs, and probably many other animals (especially our closest primate relatives), seem to have emotions just like us. And this means we must reconsider their treatment as property.
One alternative is a sort of limited personhood for animals that show neurobiological evidence of positive emotions. Many rescue groups already use the label of “guardian” to describe human caregivers, binding the human to his ward with an implicit responsibility to care for her. Failure to act as a good guardian runs the risk of having the dog placed elsewhere. But there are no laws that cover animals as wards, so the patchwork of rescue groups that operate under a guardianship model have little legal foundation to protect the animals’ interest.
If we went a step further and granted dogs rights of personhood, they would be afforded additional protection against exploitation. Puppy mills, laboratory dogs and dog racing would be banned for violating the basic right of self-determination of a person.
I suspect that society is many years away from considering dogs as persons. However, recent rulings by the Supreme Court have included neuroscientific findings that open the door to such a possibility. In two cases, the court ruled that juvenile offenders could not be sentenced to life imprisonment without the possibility of parole. As part of the rulings, the court cited brain-imaging evidence that the human brain was not mature in adolescence. Although this case has nothing to do with dog sentience, the justices opened the door for neuroscience in the courtroom.
Perhaps someday we may see a case arguing for a dog’s rights based on brain-imaging findings.
Source: Gregory Berns is a professor of neuroeconomics at Emory University and the author of “How Dogs Love Us: A Neuroscientist and His Adopted Dog Decode the Canine Brain.”
*) click: What is dopamine? | Psychology Todaywww.psychologytoday.com
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centers. Dopamine also helps regulate movement and emotional responses, and it enables us not only to see rewards, but to take action to move toward them. Dopamine deficiency results in Parkinson's Disease, and people with low dopamine activity may be more prone to addiction. The presence of a certain kind of dopamine receptor is also associated with sensation-seeking ________________________________________________________________
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Article 1 of 2
(Article 2 of 2 next below)
If you look at the next article text below little further away you will see that it may look like a
champagne glass - it is because your marriage vows are to be repeated for the searched-after Heavenly Happiness in your marriage
A few practical ideas to have a marriage with
Heavenly Happiness
and have your family ties lasting forever strong
In addition to more rare & longer 2-3 weekend day trips, go once every week(end) with a whole family (+ pets) for a full-day trip on a day that fits everyone. If you have no children do these trips just together the 2 of you.
Have a pick nick and enjoy each others' company. If time is (sometimes)
tight, at least go to a local park for a couple of hours pick nick (forget the electronics), enjoy the nature & the family togetherness. Breathe those feelings in in the nature, all of you, visit the ocean front or go to another of your favorite spots in the nature (the nature here is one important key). If you go summertime to a forested area protect everyone (pets also) against the ticks - how - click: (1) Tick - Wikipedia click (2) Ticks, dogs and disease — protect your pet
Different seasons have different opportunities. Drive as far as your time & schedule allows.
The two main things are: (1) the whole family & (2) away in the nature
I am not talking about going to a family restaurant - though, that is O.K. sometimes (not often). Self-prepared food with the family has different happiness dimensions.
Drive to a nice place about 30 - 60+ minutes away. This will improve & strengthen your family ties and leave plenty of beautiful memories for life.
In addition, both parents have to have a date night once a week, only the parents - 2 together alone; this allows "hidden" communication needs come up. Be romantic, hold hands - if you have forgotten, learn again. Share experiences and commit to stay together forever. Learn to solve challenges. The date night is one important method to strengthen the marriage bond. Once a month the parents need to go somewhere for an overnite trip, check into a nice hotel, see a show or a movie, have dinner and back next day. These activities will keep your family well together, strengthen mutual love and give a happier marriage.
In addition, this is another must to secure your lasting marriage happiness.
Once a year, during your yearly anniversary celebration renew your marriage vows - the wedding ceremony in front of your children and in front of your friends & other quests (from your work, good neighbors, relatives and the grandparents) - all as your witnesses. (You can elope and do this just the 2 of you and the marriage administrator + 1 witness - or if money is tight do with a free/complimentary marriage administrator (search the internet for one - STAF, Inc. has volunteers). The main thing is to have a minister, priest, rabbi or another professional going through your marriage vows. When you do these activities and renew once a year your wedding vow either in front of your family and friends and do it with seriousness you WILL have the much searched-after Heavenly Happiness bonding you (or without them - if possible, in front of your friends, etc.). The yearly wedding ceremony does not have to cost much - the key here is to go through every year your wedding ceremony with the vows because it will revitalize your love feelings, opens your hearts to realize that you still have the real love between the two of you - real love never dies. As most to, if you got married in the traditional manner, you must have had real love between the two of you. Marriage is meant to last forever. Divorces happen mostly because of the darker side & irresponsible mind set starts dominating in us humans and when everyday life is disturbed by things like adultery, drug use, alcohol & mental sicknesses.
However, there is always a solution - running away is not a solution. It is better to work out the problems no matter how big. Most therapist have an attitude: a problem - run away, give up and find a better partner. That is not a the best solution: The "better" partner is also a human being. We humans make mistakes. It is better to forgive and the wrongdoer needs to stop wrongdoing. Forgiveness is one of the biggest blessings in life. With patience & wisdom to see that a healed marriage is a stronger marriage is a happier marriage is the only right solution. If a therapist tells you to divorce your spouse, STAF's advice is: divorce your therapist. That is not a therapist, one penny paid to such a therapist is too much.
You can divorce your spouse without such a short minded therapist. A good therapist is a counselor who SOLVES the problem, guides the situation to be healed, advises to forgive and build a better, happier & stronger marriage on these elements. Running away only ruins and creates more difficulties to everyone in the family: to both spouses, to their children and to their relatives & friends.
When you have marriage difficulties (and everyone will have sooner or later - it is the unavoidable selfish human nature) use STAF, Inc.'s services: we give you all a NEW, HAPPIER LIFE. We do not guide you to run away, we do not run away either (we give a lifetime result guarantee (only STAF, Inc., no one else does) we and stay with you as needed). We guide you to save your children. Separation & divorce always ONLY ruin & destroy. They also harm your children in a life-threatening manner. See in this tab the 12 life-destroying disasters happening to your children and to every child in any family where a separation & a divorce have been taken as a solution. Is it a solution when they always create only more problems? Not only do separation & divorce endanger your children's future, also both spouses will suffer serious financial losses and (based on research), will face sicknesses and will have a shorter life
span.
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(1) The weekly date night with your spouse and (2) the yearly revival of your wedding ceremony and marriage vows with a Minister, Priest, or other Administrator and with the witnesses present will make a positive difference in your marriage and in your whole family life. It also gives a good example to your children for their own marriage. This yearly ceremony needs to be repeated every year on your anniversary day or at least very close to that day (if one spouse have to travel, etc.)
The more relatives & friends are present the better. Your children (as long as they stay home or can reasonably come to visit on that day) should be present.
This tab = page: Restoring Any Marriage©
is full of practical information to improve and enjoy strong family ties and have aforever lasting marriage with Heavenly Happiness. Share your experiences with STAF, Inc. & STAF, Inc.'s "big family" round the U.S. and worldwide.
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(Article 2 of 2)
(Article 1 of 2 next above)
A family weekend away will improve your marriage and improve your family spirit and family unit
If there are no children in your family - take these trips the two of you as a couple
Below you find some good ideas for your trips
The alarm goes off; Dad’s heading out the door; Mom’s putting the finishing touches on lunch boxes; somehow or another breakfast happens and the work/school day begins.
Before the sun goes down, dinner happens; after school activities conclude and are followed by baths and the nighttime routine. With children fast asleep, Mom and Dad try to get their work and chores to a stopping point and prepare for the next day when they’ll do it all again.
Does this sound at all familiar? This is basically how it goes down in our house and a similar daily hustle is performed by many families every day.
This is the rhythm of modern life. Hopefully, many cool things go on within this construct and there is great comfort in routine.
However, there are also great advantages to regularly stepping off the hamster wheel from time to time and getting away as a family. Here’s why you might want to plan a weekend escape for your family:
Great Anticipation
Even before you actually hit the road for your journey, there are the days and weeks leading up to your little trip where you’ll plan out the details and get excited for the adventure that awaits. Somehow, having something fun and different to look forward to makes the daily grind a bit less grinding.
This can also be a great period of learning for kids. Involve them in the planing process. Discuss activities, costs, routes, packing needs, restaurants, etc. Let them make some decisions or at least have a vote. They will be totally invested.
Take this idea further by researching the place you’ll visit—its history, landmarks, and famous residents.
For adults, the time leading up to the trip can be very productive. Have you noticed that before a vacation you are compelled to tie up lose ends? Productivity guru David Allen talks about this in his book, “Getting Things Done.” He says, “Most people feel best about their work the week before their vacation, but it’s not because of the vacation itself. What do you do the last week before you leave on a big trip? You clean up, close up, clarify, and renegotiate all your agreements with yourself and others.” Too true. You’ll come back to a clean slate on Monday.
The Journey, Not the Destination
When it’s time to head out, don’t forget to enjoy the ride!
If you are flying to your destination, bring a bag of fun and surprises for the kids to discover on the plane, along with creative things for them to do. Enjoy together the interesting sites of the airport and the plane. Arrive early to avoid stress.
More likely, you’ll hit the road. To make the most of it, plot fun stops along the way. Pack drinks and snacks. Bring books and information about your destination. Involve the kids each step of the way. Someone can be the navigator, someone the banker, tracking costs.
Keep the DVD player off and, instead, opt for an audio book to enjoy together. This will make the trip seem fast, but still allow everyone to look out the window and really notice where they are. Some of the greatest stories ever written are available in, oftentimes, brilliantly told audiobooks.
Enjoy It Together
Once you arrive, take it all in. Whether you’ll be sleeping at the Four Seasons or in your very own tent, enjoy it together, as a family. This level of focus and togetherness isn’t as easy to come by when immersed in the regular responsibilities and obligations of our normal routine. Take pictures. Slow down. Take detours. Enjoy it.
Return Refreshed
The trip home can be as enjoying as the trip there. If driving, a different route may lead to new surprises along the way.
Getting home with enough time to completely unpack and get a good night’s sleep is key. This will make the week ahead a breeze.
Remember
After your weekend get away, reflect on it often. Look at your pictures and revel in how such a simple jaunt can enrich family life. When you’re ready, begin to plan the next adventure!
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Your, mine & everyone's marriage needs
tender loving care, daily
What to do when challenges come
(1) A trial separation is an informal splitting of a couple
Unlike legal separation, this is purely a personal arrangement and does not require legal proceedings. The couple can choose later to go through with a divorce or can choose to stay married.
A trial separation may allow the spouse who wants the divorce to experience some of the feelings of being separated without making a final decision to divorce. The main advantage of a trial separation, of course, is that it's easily reversible. You can try it for a while, go through counseling, and then reconcile, or you can try it for a while and then proceed with divorce.
(2) See what is in this link:
Trial Separation - The Pros and Cons of a Trial Separation
(3) STAF, Inc.'s opinion is: NO trial separation.
Take competent counseling instead of any trial separation or any legal separation.
As most people, if you did get married in the traditional manner= (1) met, (2) dated, (3) fell in love (mutually),
(4) proposal & engagement ring, (5) wedding plans, (6) wedding, then; you had to have REAL love between the two of you. REAL LOVE NEVER DIES - never. To go through all these 6 steps has taken time, effort & money. Real love must have been there .
Stay together, pray together if you are religious; Old saying: if you pray together you stay together- pray even though you would not be religious.
With REAL LOVE as your motivation, work out your challenges together and with a counselor.
When you do it, you real love will return and you both will be happier than ever before.
If you have children, trial separation, any separation or a divorce will destroy your children's future.
See in this website in tab: Restoring Any Marriage the 12 life-destroying disaster facing your children if their parents will split. In addition, the separating, divorcing couple will face health & financial challenges.
SAVE YOUR MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP - IT IS WORTH EVERYTHING.
Can a Marital Separation Make Your Marriage Better?
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STAF, Inc.'s professional opinion is: NO
Taking a "Time-Out" Under the Right Circumstances Can Help Relationships.
The above statement is as wrong as to say "Every action, including fraud & murder, are O.K. under the right circumstances". Both of the above statements are wrong.
Anyone making such statements lacks knowledge and ignores responsibility of the most serious promise in life: the marriage vow.
Published in Psychology Today Magazine
Based on a book by Susan Pease Gadoua, L.C.S.W. in Contemplating Divorce
STAF, Inc.'s opinion: NO trial separation
Do not fall into the easy trap. Running away from potential or real challenges only makes the situation worse.
Common sense should tell that being apart things cannot get healed without taking healing actions, as e.g.
competent counseling. STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restorers© are the leading relationship counselors when it comes to getting results - they are the #1's. In addition, no one gives a similar lifetime guarantee as STAF,Inc.’s Marriage Restorers© do:A life-time result-guarantee with a one-time fee, only.
STAF, Inc. has better results for your marriage happiness than anyone who believes that things get better when they are not being fixed in good faith together. Nothing good can happen by itself - good things come only when they are actively searched together and worked together to come and bring the original heavenly happiness back.
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The article next below is published in Psychology Today Magazine
Placed here as an example what YOU must not do when challenges come
Based on a book by Susan Pease Gadoua, L.C.S.W. in Contemplating Divorce
WARNING
WRONG ADVICE
in this article below
STAF, Inc. states strongly that Ms. Susan Pease Gadoua does not know what she is talking about - thus, do not do what she says, instead read this article as an example of what NOT to do.
She only reflects the common ignorant behavior among most people "when things get bad I will run away and will not bother facing the facts and will not bother finding a solution that would heal the problems."
Running away does not make any problem disappear - a problem can only be solved and conquered when it is honestly faced and handled with everyone involved.
With wisdom and perhaps with a professional guidance help any problem can be solved.
There is always a way when there is a will.
Hiding does not solve anything.
(STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restorers© will heal any relations with a lifetime result guarantee.)
Honestly, which one do YOU think is a better model of behavior: (1) run away and not do anything (does the problem disappear?), or (2) stay and work out by all reasonable means the present problem and seek competent help.
(STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restorers© will heal any relations with a lifetime result guarantee.)
In our marriage vow, on our wedding day we gave the most important promise in life: "to stay forever together". Ms. Gadouados obviously does not know that (1) every divorced couple will have a shorter life span than they would otherwise, that (2) every divorced couple will develop sicknesses out of the deep emotional guilt because we all know "I/we did wrong by getting divorced". In addition, (2) every child in a divorced family will face life-destroying difficulties (see the list of 12 destroying facts above (& below) in this tab/page).
The only person who would gain is the divorce lawyer with his bank account.
Read anyway this article but only to see what is wrong .
The only right thing is to remember your original true love will never die. When you did get married in a traditional manner (as most do) you had true love between the two of you - otherwise you would not have bothered taking all the time, effort & money consuming steps that come with the getting married process.
Forgive, take counseling - even free counseling is available in your church, in the community health care centers, and in many other organizations - search the web. STAF, Inc. has services available based on a sliding scale or free.
The Article: this article is placed here as an example what you MUST NOT do
There are three main reasons why couples separate: as a step in the divorce process, to gain perspective on the marriage
and the third reason is the one I will focus on in this article - to enhance the marriage.
I am a big believer in the therapeutic value of a separation to strengthen the marriage if it's done in the right way, for the right reasons and if there are clear agreements from the start.
This separation can be done at any time and, indeed, is being done by more and more couples.
Yet, we still think something is "wrong" if couples live apart and we see separation used mostly by couples who have reached the breaking point. They have usually tried various other interventions and tactics to get the marriage back on track and are now at a place where there's nothing left to do but split up, physically separate and ultimately divorce.
Rather than a means to an end, however, separation can be a helpful tool to stay together. This seems counterintuitive when a marriage is in trouble and relations are fragile. Most of us believe that when we feel our spouse slipping away from us, we should merge together more, get as close as we can, and do more to "make the marriage work."
The thought of creating distance at such a time instills a great deal of fear of losing control of your spouse and your relationship. This option is especially challenging if the bond between the two of you has been weakened by a betrayed trust. But, employed carefully and skillfully (and usually with some type of professional support), this tool can be quite effective in bringing two people closer together.
Guidelines for an Enhancement Separation
Here are some thoughts on how to go about creating your own Enhancement Separation.
1. Get Third Party Support: While some couples can do this on their own, I highly recommend seeking out some type of neutral third party to help facilitate this process. It can get tricky, especially if this is being done while there is currently some tension or level of problems between spouses. This can be a therapist, rabbi, clergy, mediator or lawyer.
2. Set Clear and Reasonable Expectations: Ground rules are a must in order to maintain a sense of trust between the parties. If one person expects to communicate every day but the other doesn't, this could cause some hurt feelings. Knowing what to expect avoids this type of situation.
3. Know Your Goal: Don't assume that you both have the same goal. You both really need to agree that your intention in living apart is to enhance your marriage.
Again, if one spouse thinks the separation is a step in the divorce process but the other thinks it's a temporary "time-out," this can cause a major rift in the trust levels between the two. Having the same goal in this exercise is particularly important in making it a successful exercise.
4. Maintain Regular Communication: Having no contact at all for an extended period of time may actually begin to hurt the marital connection. Instead of an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" mentality, it may end up being, "out of sight, out of mind!"
The average length of an Enhancement Separation is about six months but some couples have enjoyed it so much, they continue it on indefinitely.
Who Should NOT do an Enhancement Separation
There are some people for whom this tool will not work. It is crucial that each spouse is honest with themselves and honest with each other about why they are doing this exercise.
If you or your spouse is trying to make the splitting up process gentler and easier, this is NOT the tool to use. If you don't intend to stay with your partner, the worst thing you can do is pretend to be interested in working things out.
If you are confused about whether or not you want to stay in the marriage, it's important to state that up front. It's far harder on your spouse's heart if you've led her to believe that you will be coming back fully committed to the marriage, once the separation is over, only to find out later that you wanted to leave the whole time.
Another group who should not try an Enhancement Separation are those who have had repeated breaches in trust or those who have a hard time trusting. This exercise requires a great deal of maturity and It can raise more anxiety than it's worth for those who are dishonest or insecure.
An Enhancement Separation can be tapered specifically to your needs and your situation and can be implemented and rescinded at any time.
Parts of this article were taken from, Contemplating Divorce, A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go ____________________________________
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The scientific reasons we fall in love
How to stay in love
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Have you ever wondered how much of love is about the heart — and how much is controlled by our hormones? Or maybe you question whether love at first sight really exists... or secretly believe it’s something that Hollywood just conjured up to sell movie tickets. And what about chemistry — can you create it, or does it just automatically happen when you meet the right person? Most of us have pondered such issues, and in pursuit of the truth, we decided to get some answers from an expert authority on the subject.
The noted anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, NJ, who is also the author of such books as Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love and Why Him? Why Her? Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type, has much to teach us about successful human relationships
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit, endorses the above two books by Dr. Fisher - they give facts
(1) for good success in finding a partner AND (2) how to stay happily together when married.
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit-
is a leading Marriage Happiness Restorer
In STAF, Inc.'s private services our client will get a lifetime result guarantee with only a one-time fee.
No one else anywhere dares giving a similar guarantee - it's a written guarantee.
PART ONE
Some facts to start with:
(1) do new things together - it bonds, (2) share time together regularly - when married keep a steady regular date night.
Other two:
(1) decide together early in your marriage that when disagreements arise you two will hold hands (both), face each other and state together "I will keep my voice down, I will stay calm, I will be patient, I will listen my partner's point of view as my partner will listen to mine".
(2) Daily, when your spouse comes home, "drop everything - hang up the phone, etc." and meet your partner at the door and give each other either a 10-second kiss or a 10-second hug (whatever you both prefer) and have your children next to you counting aloud the 10 seconds.
This will strengthen your marriage relation and strengthen your family relations between everyone.
In addition, it gives a good model for your children to do the same in their marriage for a lasting happiness.
In case the emotions get hot,
(1) do not raise your voice (agree together early in your relationship that this is what you do),
(2) walk out or to another room, wait for 30 minutes and then continue solving your argument it peace.
When we get angry, the emotions will start dominating - the emotions wipe out any healthy reasoning and things can go wrong.
It takes about 30 minutes until the reasoning part of the brain kicks in and becomes dominating.
This "hot emotion" domination is an atavistic*) animal "fight or/and flee" attitude and is the main reason ruining any love relationship. *) atavistic = of or relating to reversion to a former or more primitive
When you got married in the traditional manner,you two had true lOVEbetween the two of you
True love NEVER dies no matter what we may think
Traditional manner: you two met, dated, fell in love, proposal, expensive ring, wedding plans - all this took weeks, months, time & effort and you two were willing to go through this much effort ONLY because you had true love.
ONE MORE IMPORTANT THING:
Before getting married, decide together: (1) that you will do all of the above, (2) that you 2 will NEVER get divorced but will find a peaceful (no arguments, no voice raising, no threatening, no negativities) and as needed take competent marriage counseling as long as you have your mutual happiness back.
STAF, Inc. private services or public seminars will give the desired, happy results - its private services are available in a local office and worldwide using the most modern computer technology.
*) Atavism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediahttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atavism
Atavism is the tendency to revert to ancestral type. In biology, an atavism is an evolutionary throwback, such as traits reappearing which had disappeared ...
PART TWO
The noted anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher's (of Rutgers University, NJ) career has been dedicated to understanding love — including how and why it functions for us humans.
Here, she shares her fascinating insights on the subject in her books.
Related: 5 signs he’s hooked
Q: In a nutshell, why do people fall in love?
Dr. Fisher: I’ve come to think that romantic love is one of three basic brain systems that evolved for reproduction. Each evolved for a reason: The libido evolved to get you out there looking for partners. Romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your energy on just one person at a time, conserving time and energy. And attachment, the feeling of security you can feel with a long-term partner, evolved to help you stay together long enough to raise your kids.
Q: Why does being in love feel so good?
Dr. Fisher: Because some of the most powerful brain circuits for pleasure are triggered. The main chemical involved is dopamine, which produces feelings of euphoria, energy, sleeplessness and focused attention on your beloved. Biologically speaking, you’re experiencing something similar to a high.
Q: Is there such a thing as love at first sight?
Dr. Fisher: Yes. It probably happens to men more than women because men are more visual, but I think we can all remember times when we felt an instant attraction to someone we barely knew. It has a practical purpose: in the animal kingdom you can’t spend three months discussing your résumé; you need to feel instant sparks to start the reproductive process.
Related: The science behind love at first sight
Q: Is falling in love all about timing?
Dr. Fisher: Timing is important. The perfect partner can sit right next to you at a party and you might not notice him or her if you’re too busy at work, enmeshed in another relationship or otherwise preoccupied. But if you’ve just moved to a new city, recovered from an unsatisfying love affair, begun to make enough money to raise a family, are suffering through a difficult experience or have a good deal of spare time, you are ripe to fall in love.
Q: Is there anything we can do to make someone fall for us (or make ourselves fall for someone)?
Dr. Fisher: Do new things together. Novelty and excitement all drive up the activity of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain. These neurotransmitters are associated with energy, elation, focused attention and motivation — all central traits of romantic love. So as you do novel things, these chemicals hop into action and may just push you over the threshold to fall in love.
Related: Dating clichés that are actually true
Q: Is there anything you can do to make yourself stop loving someone?
Dr. Fisher: Some people, especially women, tend to talk about a failed relationship so much that they re-traumatize themselves. Instead, get rid of your ex’s cards and letters. Don’t call or write. Get some sunshine and exercise, because both can change your brain chemistry.
Q: What’s the difference between love and lust?
Dr. Fisher: Lust generally dissipates after physical intimacy and returns hours or days later. You can feel it for several people at the same time and not necessarily feel jealous. But when you’re in love, you are very possessive. And romantic feelings don’t dissipate after becoming physical with someone; in fact, they can intensify.
Q: Does physical intimacy make people fall in love?
Dr. Fisher: It can trigger love — probably because afterwards, there’s a peak in dopamine activity. So watch out — you might unintentionally fall for someone.
Related: Why to date beyond your type
Q: Do feelings of love die over time, and is there any way to bring them back?
Dr. Fisher: The first intense period of love can last one to three years. After that, these feelings subside. But if two people are compatible, there are many ways to renew a flagging partnership. Novelty can spur romance; physical intimacy can trigger it, too. Do some of the things that you used to when you were first dating.
Q: How important a role does chemistry play in love?
Dr. Fisher: I believe that when the chemistry of one personality meshes well with the chemistry of another, it will continually combust throughout the relationship — keeping both partners together and happy during dry spells when feelings of romance are low.
Q: How do men and women experience love differently?
Dr. Fisher: Men fall in love faster than women do. Women take longer because they have to create a “memory trail” of their mate’s behaviors. She has to remember what he promised, what he’s done for the partnership, and what he failed to do.
Related: Do you two have chemistry?
Q: What do men look for in a mate?
Dr. Fisher: Men are more likely to choose women who display signs of youth and beauty — the first time that they marry, men around the world tend to marry women who are three years younger than themselves. Men are also attracted to women who “need” them. Men want to be helpful.
Q: What do women look for in a mate?
Dr. Fisher: Women are attracted to partners with money, status and ambition — one study found that American women seek partners who offered financial security twice as frequently as men do. If men look for “arm candy,” then women look for “success magnets.”
Q: Can someone truly love more than one person?
Dr. Fisher: No. I think you can feel lust for more than one person, and feelings of attachment for more than one person. But not love. As the Indian aphorism goes, “The lane of love is narrow; there is room for only one.”
Q: What’s the biggest mistake people make when it comes to love?
Dr. Fisher: Some people fall in love before they really know their partner and marry in this state of romantic rapture. They should probably wait until that intense early phase wears off so they can see the flaws in the relationship before they dive in for good.
Related - click: Mistakes that people make while dating
Q: Having reviewed so much scientific data on love, what would be the most important thing we’ve learned?
Dr. Fisher: To me, the most important thing that scientists have learned is that romantic love was not invented by the troubadours in 11th-century France. We have now found love poetry from the ancient Sumerians written some 4,000 years ago, as well as evidence of romantic love in over 150 societies. It’s given me a deep sense of connection to people everywhere: We’re all alike in some basic and beautiful ways.
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Source: Worldwide research & Dr. Fisher's books
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Article 1 of 2
Before getting married
Which type of woman do most men fall for?
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When it comes to the women in your life, one woman in particular probably stands out as being “your type.” No, I’m not talking about Kate Upton (she’s pretty much every guy’s fantasy type, right?).
I’m referring to the one who gave birth to you. But before you say “yuck,” just hear me out: In a recent Finnish study published in Evolutionary Psychology that compared the facial features of each person’s spouse with the features of that individual’s opposite-sex parent, researchers discovered that men are more likely to marry women who look like their mothers than women are to marry men who resemble their fathers. Since a man’s earliest relationship with a woman is usually the one he forms with his own mother, it’s actually not that surprising. So naturally, that also makes mom a likely template for any man’s future romantic partners.
But does this attraction go deeper than physical resemblance? When does dating someone who reminds you of your mother stop being a good thing and become something more, um, Oedipal in nature? Let’s find out.
Related: 10 toxic types you shouldn’t date
Clues that you’re dating someone just like your mother
Obviously, if someone looks like your mother, you’re going to notice (or if you don’t, other people will and ask you about it). But ultimately, there’s more to the equation than just someone’s physical appearance. “It will be necessary to look beyond the physical and what appears on the surface (although that can be part of it) because that’s just window dressing…it is what’s found ‘underneath’ that really draws us to particular people — good andbad,” says Deanna Brann, Ph.D., author of Reluctantly Related. “If a man does not look at this issue, he will keep picking the same type of woman over and over again… so it’s important for the man to look at what it was about this other person that made him choose her as potential mate.” This is especially true if your relationship with your mother wasn’t always a positive one and
your romantic relationships keep ending in unpleasant ways.
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Source: Evolutionary Psychology
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Article 2 of 2
Toxic types men shouldn’t date
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“Pain in life is inevitable, but misery is optional?” Applied to dating, avoiding misery typically means staying away from toxic people. You know the kind I’m talking about: people who are selfish, vain, perpetually victimized, materialistic, harsh, shallow, bitter…the list of negative attributes goes on and on. (Of course, there are toxic men and women, so this is an equal-opportunity list, divided into two sets of five.)
If you’re a guy, how can you get a leg up (so to speak) on avoiding toxicity in your dating life? First, consider the five female archetypes I’ve outlined below. From being overly materialistic to clingy to just plain nitpicky, these women will likely become the iceberg to your Titanic, sinking all possible romantic joy quicker than you can hum the film’s “My Heart Will Go On” theme song by Celine Dion. The only things that should go “on” are your feet walking out the door if you encounter any of these female terrors, so watch out… you’ve been warned!
Five toxic female archetypes for men to avoid:
1. The Material Girl. She’s all about the money, honey. She’s checking out your car, level of professional success, and bank account before — and in all likelihood, instead of — seeing and appreciating the real you on dates. If you don’t escape her soon, you’ll start to feel like the most important parts of you are found in your wallet and/or bank account. It’s a dehumanizing experience to date this kind of woman, so why bother?
2. The Queen of Dependence. This lady is usually attractive, sweet, and open (yes, those are her good qualities). But she can’t make up her mind about what to have for dinner, let alone take a stand on making more important decisions in her life. From the minute the two of you meet, she’s leaning on you for advice and answers to every trivial question she encounters. She wants you to be crowned “King of All Her Choices,” but ruling over that kingdom gets old really, really fast. Next thing you know, you’re bored with doing all the mental work of managing her life for her… and then wondering why you feel so disengaged.
3. Ms. Criti-catastrophe. This woman’s got what professionals call an “overly developed critical super-ego.” In layman’s terms, she’s a nitpicker extraordinaire. It’s the way you drive, style your hair and clothes, the guys you hang out with, the seats you grab at the movie… nothing you do will ever be quite right, in her opinion. The first thing to go after a few dates with her is your self-esteem. Clearly, you’re already a failure in her eyes — and if you don’t look away from her judgmental gaze pretty fast, you’ll see your own reflection there and internalize her damaging opinions as if they were your own.
Related: Is she the wrong woman for you?
4. The Bitter Girl. This woman is quick to let you know that everything sucks, and she’s so mistreated by everyone. (You could also call her Miss Lemony Snicket, since her life seems to be a never-ending series of unfortunate events.) However, you didn’t cause Bitter Girl’s troubles — and you can’t cure them, either. In fact, you’ll be her next excuse for why things are going so horribly wrong in her life. Your real nightmare begins when you start to feel a little like Lemony Snicket yourself, and your once-positive nature gets overwhelmed by her perpetually gloomy outlook and daily dose of misery.
5. Miss Demeanor. She might have a mighty fine look and smile, but she’s also got quite a demeanor to go with those assets… and here’s what I mean by this: “da nicer you are, da meaner she is.” Her harsh attitude makes a pretty poor impression on others when you’re out in public. Oh sure, when you’re alone together she can be fun and pleasant enough. But put her in a situation where she’s not the star of the show and she becomes cranky, outwardly irritable, and has no interest in integrating into your life when you’re clearly just a bit player in hers. The longer you’re with her, the quieter you’ll become, lest you risk unleashing the beast (e.g., her mouth, shrieking one of her infamous tirades).
Related: 10 signs your date isn’t The One
But these ladies aren’t the only ones wreaking havoc on their dates; there are plenty of toxic men out there, too. So how does a woman know which ones to avoid in the dating world? Perhaps it’s a guy who’s so cheap that you feel like you’re on a date with a human cash register — his conversational skills are dull enough to put you to sleep if not for his occasional “ringing,” which reminds you with alarming regularity exactly how much everything costs, how expensive certain things are, and what you each owe when the bill arrives. Maybe it’s someone who considers controlling others to be a contact sport that he must win, no matter what. Or is it the kind of man who’s forever lovelorn, weighed down with way too much baggage for even your toned arms to carry any meaningful distance? Watch out for these five types of men who (in comparison to being stuck with them for a partner) make staying single for life look highly appealing…
Five toxic male archetypes for women to avoid:
1. Peter Pan. At first, you’re confused; he’s over 30 and (physically, at least) looks his age. And yet, there’s something about him that reads “college dorm” and “secretly wearing green tights beneath his Dockers.” You’ve found Mr. “I’ll never grow up,” otherwise known as Peter Pan — someone who can handle the superficial issues life throws at him, but don’t dig too deep looking for a strong connection, commitment, or an equally mature partnership from him. Toxicity permeates the relationship when you’re the only one who stays grounded, spinning your wheels, and wondering why you can’t land him the way you’d hoped to while he flies off to Neverland again. He’s fun, but if you think that will translate into a long-term relationship, you’re only kidding yourself.
2. El Cheapo Grande. You’ve met this cheap chap before, haven’t you? He’s the one who seems intent on getting together, so he asks you out — and then zeroes in on the cost of everything (and the value of nothing) throughout your date. His toxicity isn’t just a fixation on the financial aspects of dating, though. It’s a flawed character trait — his cheapness goes deep, straight to the core of who he is inside. He’s as stingy with genuine affection as he is with the dollars he doesn’t want to spend. He’ll make you feel inconsiderate, too — as if you’re some kind of greedy spendthrift intent on bankrupting him. But dating doesn’t require anyone to pay a small fortune; there are plenty of ways to enjoy a person’s company and treat someone special without breaking the bank. He just hasn’t learned that.
3. Mr. Egomaniac. He’s just so smart, isn’t he — and if you have any questions about just how brilliant he is, he’ll be the first person to happily remind you. And yes, he’s also confident, so there’s a good reason why you’re drawn to him initially. As educated and successful as he may be, he’s missing a normal person’s sensitivity and empathy chips — you know, the ones that actually make you consider other people’s feelings before you speak and take a genuine interest in their lives? He usually talks non-stop, as if “conversation” is just the waiting period he must endure while you’re speaking and he’s catching his breath before resuming his soliloquy. He’s a know-it-all who’s always right and willing to shoot you down to prove his point. You’ll sense the effects of his toxicity when you start to feel boring and worthless in his company. Recognize that his egomania has absolutely nothing to do with you — then run.
4. The Control Freak. At first, you might think: Oh, he’s attentive. That’s nice. Next thing you know, this emotional micromanager places every word and move of yours under the kind of intense scrutiny that’s more worthy of a panel evaluating Ph.D. candidates than a romantic tête-á-tête. You begin to second-guess yourself about everything from what to order for dinner (sugar is a no-no if he’s a health fanatic) to date-night entertainment (he’ll never embrace your movie choices) to interacting with his family and friends (he’ll tell you what to wear, say, and do without even blinking). Being under his thumb starts out cozily enough, but soon stifles every aspect of your individuality.
5. King of the (Eternally) Brokenhearted. His vulnerability seems appealing when he admits his attraction to you, but there’s also a distance there that you can’t quite put your finger on. He tells you that he broke up with a woman months or years earlier, and he’s still struggling to move forward emotionally. He expects lots of understanding from you, along with plenty of space and no pressure — you know, to speed up the healing process? But in fact, he’s still hung up on the woman (or more likely, women) he dated before you. You’ll never live up to or trump the ex(es). He wants you to fall for him (hey, he craves the attention!), so he’s sporadically charming while becoming increasingly distant, which makes you feel even more confused about your relationship status. A word to the wise: Speed through that state of confusion as if you’re flying down a highway toward a much better, less narcissistic destination.
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Source: Dating archives
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Article 1 of 2 (Article 2 of 2 next below)
This article is taken from the Yahoo news internet articles
AS AN EXAMPLE HOW MARRIAGES WILL FAIL
Dishonesty, cheating your spouse and hiding things will ruin any marriage - is that what you want or do you want
real heavenly happiness in your marriage. Happy marriages heal, you both live with less sickness and you live longer and your children will grow physically, emotionally & mentally healthy. You want to ruin you children - see the article
3 of 3 below listing the 12 life-destroying things happening to your children when you have ruined your own marriage.
Apply the information in this Restoring Any Marriage tab - your marriage will be happier than on your wedding day.
Things Your Spouse (When Lacking Knowledge
of Heavenly Marriage Happiness) Won’t Tell You
1. I spend more on my lover than I do on you
About 15% of married Americans admit they’ve had an extramarital affair — a rate that’s stayed relatively steady for the past couple decades — according to the General Social Survey, which tracks extramarital affairs. And not only are married couples cheating, they’re spending a lot of their hard-earned cash on their lovers. If your hubby’s got a mistress, he’s likely to spend $125 on her holiday gift compared with just $60 on yours, according to a survey of more than 140,000 users of AshleyMadison.com, a matchmaking site for married individuals looking for affairs. For their part, women are less likely to buy pricey gifts for their lovers, as they tend to be more cautious about leaving behind evidence of their affair, says AshleyMadison.com CEO Noel Biderman.
2. I have a secret bank account
Think only the Bernie Madoffs of the world keep secret bank accounts? Think again. Fifteen percent of married people or couples with joint finances have a bank account they keep hidden from their partner, according to a 2011 National Endowment for Financial Education/Forbes study. For some, the reasons for this secret account are innocent enough: Perhaps they opened the account before they were married and haven’t gotten around to closing it yet. But others’ intentions are far more nefarious. Married people sometimes “like to keep secret bank accounts in the event of divorce, or to pursue expensive hobbies and other interests,” says Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist based in Long Beach, Calif. and author of “Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage.” While Tessina says this tends to be more common with men — who may secretly spend on things like like gambling or drugs —, women also keep secret stashes of money for things likes gifts for the children, going out with friends and shopping for accessories for themselves and the home, she says.
But secret-account holders beware: Most of the time, the spouse finds out, usually by accident — by opening a letter from the bank, for example, says Lisa Helfend Meyer, a founder of the law firm Meyer, Olson, Lowy & Meyers in Los Angeles. And the fallout can be serious, including divorce, separation and harassment, experts say.
3. I have an ‘office spouse’ I adore
She remembers your birthday, she knows you like Thai on Tuesdays, she even knows about the marital troubles your parents are having. But here’s the catch — she’s not your wife. About one in three people has an “office spouse” –- a colleague he or she is close to, but in a platonic way, according to a survey by career site Vault.com. “The role it serves is to give the working partners someone with whom they can share office secrets, exchange support and be companions on the job,” says Tessina.
Often, the relationships are completely harmless, especially when individuals are open about it with their spouses. But other times, it can be the source of immense jealousy for a partner, especially if he or she thinks the spouse is sharing too much with a co-worker, says psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, author of “Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness.” For women, it may be even worse: A study published in 2010 in the journal Psychological Science found that although both sexes experience jealousy over emotional infidelity, women tend to view it as an even worse betrayal than sexual infidelity.
4. I’m going to pretend I never bought that (or at least lie about what it cost)
For nearly 35 years, Wilmington, N.C., resident Syble Solomon — now an educator who helps people deal with financial issues — kept many purchases a secret from her husband or misled him about what they cost. When Solomon would buy a new blouse, she’d often hide it in her dresser for weeks. If her husband asked about it when she finally wore it, she’d often say she’d “had it forever.” “When I was growing up, my mom would always tell me after we went shopping: ‘Don’t tell your father.’ Without realizing it, I got the message, and here I was 40 years later still ‘not telling,’” she says.
More than one in 10 people say they’ve misrepresented the cost of a purchase to their partner, up slightly from last year, according to an American Express survey. Often, the motivation is to avoid conflict, experts say, especially if one partner suspects the spouse won’t approve of the item or its cost. But the results of such lying can be disastrous, both emotionally and financially. Meyer says she has advised multiple clients who felt compelled to file for divorce after discovering a series of secret purchases a spouse had made.
5. I earn more than you think
While some people may inflate their compensation to make themselves seem more attractive, others actually go the other way, by hiding bonus checks or extra pay from a side job. In the National Endowment for Financial Education/Forbes study, about 10% of married individuals said they had lied to their partner about how much they earned. And younger couples are doing the bulk of the lying: Nearly 25% of people ages 18 to 34 admit to lying to a spouse about money, while just 3% of adults 55 and older do. Some people lie about their earnings because they like to have a “just-in-case stash of money” that they can use for whatever they want and not have to consult with their spouse about it, says Lombardo. Other people are “afraid that if the spouse knows about the extra money, like a bonus, he or she will spend it,” she says.
6. I’m happier because I make more money than you
Yes, who brings home the bacon really does matter. Men who earn more than their spouse (no matter how much more) report significantly higher career satisfaction than men who earn roughly the same amount as their spouse, according to a 2009 Cornell University study of middle-income couples. Pamela Tolbert, the co-author of the study, says this may be partially explained by the satisfaction men feel in being able to achieve the traditional role of breadwinner. On the flip side, men who don’t fit the traditional mold may feel unhappy or act out. “Men can feel disempowered or emasculated when they have to depend on their wives financially,” says Alisa Ruby Bash, a marriage and family therapist. “It can feel childlike.” And some of them misbehave: A man whose wife is the sole earner, for example, is five times more likely to cheat on her than a man whose wife earns about the same as him, according to the American Sociological Association.
But the fact that a husband’s satisfaction — or dissatisfaction — comes from comparing himself to his wife’s earnings isn’t likely to be the topic of dinner table conversation, experts say. Some men don’t want to seem like they’re in competition with their wives over earnings, experts say. And those who earn less “don’t want to talk about how much less in control they feel knowing they are dependent on their wife,” Bash says.
7. I hate being the breadwinner
A wife may be open about loving her career, but don’t expect her to be as forthcoming about its effects on her happiness at home. In 1960, just 11% of wives were the sole or primary breadwinner, but by 2011, 40% were, according to a study of households with children under 18 by the Pew Research Center. And while earning a significant chunk of the family’s income gives wives more career satisfaction, it leads to significantly lower family satisfaction, according to a 2009 study from Cornell University. Tolbert, the co-author of the study, says this dissatisfaction has its roots in the guilt many women feel when they violate traditional gender roles. Other researchers agree: “Women are likely to feel guilt and shame that they may not have the time or energy to give 100% [to family],” says Bash.
And though wives might complain about the dishes or the growing piles of laundry on the floor, they’re less likely to share with their husbands the familial dissatisfaction that often comes with being the main earner. Many wives “don’t want to emasculate their husband,” Bash says. “It’s easier to keep going, pretend everything is fine, and that they are strong enough to do it all.”
8. I married you for money
Some men and women say they are comfortable doing a little gold digging. Two out of three women and half of men said they were “very” or “extremely” willing to marry an average-looking person they liked, as long as he or she had money, which on average, they defined as having $1.5 million, according to a survey of more than 1,100 people by wealth research firm Prince & Associates. As men get older, they’re more likely to say they’d marry for money (61% of men in their 40s would, compared with just 41% in their 20s), while women were most likely to make money a primary consideration for a marriage in their 30s.
People make money a major factor in their mating decisions for many reasons, including wanting a sense of security or more freedom, or thinking that having money will boost their self-esteem or self-worth, experts say. And while it’s true that “money can trump other flaws initially ... that honeymoon period will end,” says Lombardo.
9. I’d rather you cheat on me than lie about money
What would hurt you more — a spouse who cheated or one who lied about money? Nearly one in four Americans say honesty about money is more important to them than honesty about an affair, according to a survey of nearly 1,800 people conducted by Harris Interactive for Redbook magazine and Lawyers.com. And if you’re on the open-about-money side, prepare to be disappointed, as nearly one in three Americans admit to lying to their spouse about money, according to the NEFE/Forbes study.
Click: National Endowment for Financial Education | NEFEwww.nefe.org/
NEFE is the leading nonprofit national foundation dedicated to inspiring empowered financial decision making for individuals and families.
So why the big fuss about financial fidelity? Experts say that because money is associated with some very personal emotions, a financial betrayal can be devastating. “Money is so personal — people put their blood, sweat and tears into making it — so this [lying about money] can feel like a complete betrayal of trust,” Lombardo says. Furthermore, the effects of financial infidelity can far exceed feelings of betrayal. These kinds of lies can sometimes be “unforgivable and jeopardize your own credit, future and freedom,” says Bash.
10. I blew our savings because the saleswoman was beautiful
You two may be the happiest married couple in the world, but that doesn’t mean your husband is immune to the powers of a beautiful woman. Men often buy something expensive from a beautiful saleswoman because “this can show that woman that he’s successful,” says Tessina.
Part of this behavior may be driven by emotional immaturity. “He’s acting on his fantasy world, and ignoring the consequences,” says Tessina. But the behavior may also be driven, in part, by biology. In the presence of a beautiful woman, men get a surge of testosterone and take more risks, concludes a study on risk-taking from the University of Queensland in Australia — most likely a product of evolution, with men taking risks to show off their health and vigor in a competition for a woman.
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Middle-Aged Men, Too, Can Blame Estrogen
for That Waistline and for Other Changes
Study published in The New England Journal of Medicine,
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It is the scourge of many a middle-aged man: he starts getting a pot belly, using lighter weights at the gym and somehow just doesn’t have the sexual desire of his younger years.
The obvious culprit is testosterone, since men gradually make less of the male sex hormone as years go by. But a surprising new answer is emerging, one that doctors say could reinvigorate the study of how men’s bodies age. Estrogen, the female sex hormone, turns out to play a much bigger role in men’s bodies than previously thought, and falling levels contribute to their expanding waistlines just as they do in women’s.
The discovery of the role of estrogen in men is “a major advance,” said Dr. Peter J. Snyder, a professor of medicine at the University of Pennsylvania, who is leading a big new research project on hormone therapy for men 65 and over.
Until recently, testosterone deficiency was considered nearly the sole reason that men undergo the familiar physical complaints of midlife.
The new frontier of research involves figuring out which hormone does what in men, and how body functions are affected at different hormone levels. While dwindling testosterone levels are to blame for middle-aged men’s smaller muscles, falling levels of estrogen regulate fat accumulation, according to a study published Wednesday, 9/11/13, in The New England Journal of Medicine, which provided the most conclusive evidence to date that estrogen is a major factor in male midlife woes. And both hormones are needed for libido.
“Some of the symptoms routinely attributed to testosterone deficiency are actually partially or almost exclusively caused by the decline in estrogens,” said Dr. Joel Finkelstein, an endocrinologist at Harvard Medical School and the study’s lead author, in a news release on Wednesday.
His study is only the start of what many hope will be a new understanding of testosterone and estrogen in men.
Dr. Snyder is leading another study, the Testosterone Trial, which measures levels of both hormones and asks whether testosterone treatment can make older men with low testosterone levels more youthful — by letting them walk more quickly, feel more vigorous, improve their sexual functioning and their memories, and strengthen their bones. Smaller studies have been promising but unreliable, and estrogen has not been factored in.
“We had ignored this hormone in men, but we are studying it now,” said Dr. Alvin M. Matsumoto, a testosterone and geriatrics researcher at the University of Washington School of Medicine and the V.A. Puget Sound Health Care System, who is a Testosterone Trial researcher. “We are just starting out on this road.”
Both men and women make estrogen out of testosterone, and men make so much that they end up with at least twice as much estrogen as postmenopausal women. As levels of both hormones decline with age, the body changes. But until now, researchers have focused almost exclusively on how estrogen affects women and how testosterone affects men.
Dr. Finkelstein’s study provides a new road map of the function of each hormone and its behavior at various levels. It suggests that different symptoms kick in at different levels of testosterone deficiency. Testosterone, he found, is the chief regulator of muscle tone and lean body mass, but it takes less than was thought to maintain muscle. For a young man, 550 nanograms of testosterone per deciliter of blood serum is the average level, and doctors have generally considered levels below 300 nanograms so low they might require treatment, typically with testosterone gels.
But Dr. Finkelstein’s study found that muscle strength and size turn out to be unaffected until testosterone levels drop very low, below 200 nanograms. Fat accumulation, however, kicks in at higher testosterone levels: at 300 to 350 nanograms of testosterone, estrogen levels sink low enough that middle-aged spread begins.
As for sexual desire and performance, both require estrogen and testosterone, and they increase steadily as those hormone levels rise. Researchers say it is too early to make many specific recommendations, but no one is suggesting that men take estrogen, because high doses cause feminine features like enlarged breasts.
Although doctors prescribe testosterone gels for men whose levels fall below 300 nanograms per deciliter, that cutoff point is arbitrary, and there is no clinical rationale for it, Dr. Finkelstein said. Often men take the hormone to treat complaints like fatigue, depression or loss of sexual desire, which may or may not be from low levels of testosterone. The data suggest that men with levels around 300 nanograms who complain of sexual problems may want to try testosterone, but those who complain of flagging muscle strength should not blame testosterone deficiency, Dr. Finkelstein said. But, he added, “symptoms of low testosterone tend to be quite vague.”
Today, millions of men are using testosterone gels, fueling a nearly $2 billion market.
For their study, Dr. Finkelstein and his colleagues recruited 400 men aged 20 to 50 who agreed to have their testosterone production turned off for 16 weeks. Half then received varying amounts of testosterone, while the other half also got a drug that shuts off estrogen synthesis so the researchers could assess the effects of having testosterone but not estrogen.
It turned out to be surprisingly easy to recruit subjects, Dr. Finkelstein said. One, Ben Iverson, joined in part for the $1,000 subjects were paid. “That, to me, was enticing,” he said. He was a 28-year-old Harvard graduate student at the time and is now an assistant professor of finance at Northwestern University.
Although Mr. Iverson’s wife looked askance at the injections to block testosterone production, Mr. Iverson ended up getting enough testosterone in the gel he was assigned to use. The worst were the testosterone-suppressing injections, which required him to use a huge needle in his abdomen once a month, he said.
He found out when the study ended that he was in a group that got enough testosterone to keep his levels in a normal range. “I literally did not notice any difference at all,” Mr. Iverson recalled.
The worst symptoms were in men whose estrogen production was shut down — they got intense hot flashes.
Now Dr. Finkelstein is repeating the study with older men. The Testosterone Trial is looking at them too.
For that study, Dr. Snyder and his colleagues recruited nearly 800 men aged 65 and older who have low testosterone levels. The men take either a placebo or enough testosterone to bring their level to between 400 and 800. Investigators are assessing walking speed, sexual functioning, vitality, memory, red-blood-cell count, bones and coronary arteries. The yearlong study will be completed next year.
Next, researchers said, they want to do a large study like one conducted with thousands of women in 2002 that asked about long-term risks and benefits of hormone therapy. Does testosterone therapy lead, for example, to more prostate cancer? Does it prevent heart attacks?
“We still don’t know the answers to the clinical questions,” Dr. Matsumoto said. “Does it prevent things that are really important?”
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Source: The New England Journal of Medicine - Click: The New England Journal of Medicine: Research & Review Articles ...www.nejm.org/
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Standing Up for the Rights of New Fathers
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Josh Levs, father of a new baby girl, emerged from his sleep-deprived stupor last month to take a stand: He is challenging his employer’s parental leave policy on the grounds that it discriminates against biological dads.
This was his third child, and this time around, he said he felt compelled to take action. So Mr. Levs, a reporter at CNN, filed a charge with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission against Time Warner, his employer’s parent company.
He took his case public on his Tumblr page, where he laid out his reasoning: Birth mothers are entitled to 10 weeks of paid leave. The same policy applies to both men and women who adopt or have children through a surrogate. Biological fathers, on the other hand, receive only two paid weeks.
He said this left him with two choices: stay home for a longer period of time without pay or go back to work and hire help. “Neither is financially tenable,” wrote Mr. Levs, who lives in Atlanta, “and the fact that only biological dads face this choice at this point in a newborn’s life is ludicrous.”
It was a gutsy move, particularly when there was a new child to feed. Time Warner declined to elaborate on the specifics of the case, though, on the surface, it appears to treat biological fathers as second-class parents compared to their peers. But what’s fair and what is discriminatory under the law are two different matters (we’ll get to those issues in a minute).
Time Warner’s policy does happen to be more generous than that of many American employers, but the bar is pretty low. Most employers don’t provide any paid paternity leave (A study conducted by the Society for Human Resource Management that polled human resource professionals found that a mere 15 percent of companies offered paid paternity benefits). Of course, the United States has one of the least civilized policies in the world when it comes to offering paid leave for new mothers. So, it’s no surprise that fathers are often treated as an afterthought.
But more workers may be starting to do more than quietly grumble about the policies, according to discrimination lawyers, researchers and legal experts who run a workplace discrimination hot line. More employees — particularly men of the millennial generation, whose oldest members are in their early 30s — are filing legal actions against their employers, these experts say.
“What is happening is the new work-life pioneers are young egalitarian men exactly like this guy,” said Joan C. Williams, founding director of the Center for WorkLife Law at the University of California, Hastings College of the Law. “In many ways, these younger men are acting in ways that mothers have always acted: ‘I have family responsibilities that aren’t going away and either you accommodate them or there is going to be a fight against it.’ In many ways, this is economic contraction fueling gender equality.”
There aren’t any federal laws that explicitly prohibit discrimination against workers with family responsibilities, but some states and municipalities have more specific protections. The types of claim filed by Mr. Levs is brought under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, enforced by the E.E.O.C., which prohibits employment discrimination based on sex. Mothers who claim they were treated differently from men with children file claims under the law, and so do fathers who say they were denied leave or benefits available to female caregivers.
That’s generally what Mr. Levs is contending. “If I gave up my child for adoption, and some other guy at Time Warner adopted her, he would get 10 weeks off, paid, to take care of her,” he wrote on his Tumblr page. “I, however, the biological father, can’t.”
It’s hard to predict exactly how the commission will view his claims. But Justine Lisser, an E.E.O.C. lawyer and spokeswoman, offered some insight into what may be considered sex discrimination in a hypothetical situation. It’s not necessarily wrong, for instance, if women were given a certain period of paid leave to recover from pregnancy and childbirth, while men (and women) were also entitled to the same period to recover from other medical conditions.
But it would be considered sex discrimination to give women paid time off to care for a newborn, but not give the same time to men. It would also obviously be wrong to have such a policy on the books, but then penalize men for using it. “We see this in some caregiving cases,” she said. “Women are presumed to need caregiving time off, but men are presumed not to be invested in their jobs if they want to take the same time for the same reason and are either denied it or demoted after using it.”
Mr. Levs’s lawyer, A. Lee Parks Jr., a civil rights lawyer in Atlanta, acknowledged that the policies could (and potentially should) be different for men and women. “The bizarre thing here is they give a significant amount of time if you are a certain type of parent,” he said. “So, they made a value judgment that, in those situations, that there is really a period where you need to bond.”
If you’re curious about the legality of your company’s policy, legal experts said to look at it as a breakdown of recovery time and bonding time. “Men should get the same bonding time,” said Cynthia T. Calvert, a senior adviser on family responsibilities discrimination at the Center for WorkLife Law. She suggests that employers designate six to eight weeks for recovery, and then anything beyond that should be deemed bonding time, and available to all parents.
Workplace experts who read Mr. Levs’s blog said he appeared to take the right approach. He started the process two months before the birth of his daughter, followed his company’s protocols and kept the matter confidential. You might start by simply asking your supervisor or human resources department for more information, just to be sure you’re understanding the policy correctly. “You don’t want to come on too strong, but at the same time, you want to be sure you’ve done everything in the system before you bring in the lawyers,” said Ms. Calvert, who also consults with employers to shape their policies and train their supervisors to avoid discrimination. “Because then, everyone gets their armor on. People don’t view you as a team player anymore.”
If you have reason to believe your policy could be discriminatory, she said you might ask the human resources department if it considered whether the policy violated Title VII or any state antidiscrimination laws. In many cases, legal experts say, simply nudging employers works. “When we receive calls, we give callers the language they can use, and the employers almost always change their policies,” said Ms. Calvert, who oversees a family discrimination hot line at the center. “That’s why we don’t have a lot of these cases on the books.”
Still, men like Mr. Levs may be penalized even more than women when seeking flexibility after the birth of a child because they are stepping outside of their usual gender roles and flouting convention, some researchers found. Several workplace experts report that men still suffer the consequences after taking unpaid leave through the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993, which requires larger employers and public agencies to provide up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave for the birth or adoption of a child or to care for certain other family members.
“The organizations haven’t yet caught up to the attitudinal shift among new dads,” said Brad Harrington, executive director of the Boston College Center for Work and Family and a research professor in the Carroll School of Management. “Men who ask for leave time or who are more visibly active and involved in caregiving are experiencing a whole range of negative repercussions as a result of that.”
Getting paid leave may do more to change perceptions, some experts say. “Men are supposed to make a living, so if a benefit is not paid, it is not for them,” said Eileen Appelbaum, an expert in workplace practices and senior economist at the Center for Economic and Policy Research, who supports a social insurance program that would replace a portion of pay for all workers who need to take leave. “But if it is paid, it changes the culture and expectation inside the organizations.”
And when men take time off after the birth of a child, it can have lasting ripple effects. Not only does it help create a connection with the child, but it sets the stage for a more egalitarian division of labor at home over the longer term. It could also help equalize the perception when women take time off. “If it is true that women will not be equal in the workplace until men are equal at home,” Ms. Calvert added, “it has greater repercussions as well.”
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Source: NYT
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Article 1 of 2
New Study in Finland:
Married People--Especially Women
Have Healthier Hearts
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Fringe benefits of tying the knot can go way beyond good crystal and a tax write-off, says a new study in Finland.
That's because being married can actually reduce your risk of heart attack and help extend your life, especially if you're a woman.
Click: Keep on Ticking: Your Essential Guide to Heart Health
The study researchers, in Finland, headed by Dr. Aino Lammintausta of Turku University Hospital, came to their conclusions after collecting data on more than 15,300 people who suffered heart attacks between 1993 and 2002. About 7,700 had died within 28 days of their attack.
Overall, both married men and women fared best: Unhitched men were 58 to 66 percent more likely to have a heart attack than marrieds, and 60 to 168 percent more likely to die as a result.
For single women, the risk of heart attack was 60 to 65 percent higher than that of their married counterparts—with a whopping 71 to 175 percent higher chance of it resulting in death.
Click: Could Going Veg Lower Your Risk of Heart Disease?
Though the findings are pretty clear, researchers are not exactly sure why. They surmise that having strong social support, better health habits (perhaps thanks to nagging spouses?) and less depression could be among the reasons. And those ideas could be the most important aspects of the study, said Dr. Nieca Goldberg, director of the NYU Center for Women's Health.
"It's really important to bring out the fact that social support is an important issue when it comes to heart health," Goldberg, a spokesperson for the American Heart Association, told. "We've become good about controlling blood pressure, getting cholesterol levels checked, but I think more has to be done around doctors asking patients about their psychosocial health, and who they have to rely on."
She also noted that research has found that people suffering from social isolation have an imbalance in what's called the autonomic nervous system, and that the imbalances can cause higher heart rates that could lead to arrhythmia and high blood pressure.
While past studies have shown that being single or living solo increases the risk of heart disease for men, the new study, published in the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology on January 31, is noteworthy in that it's among the first to look at data of both men and women. And in the results, Goldberg added, "Women look particularly vulnerable." She suggested a new study focus on the benefits to heart health for women who are in strong relationships.
Married people might also be more likely to call an ambulance sooner than single people—and they seem to get better treatment from doctors, both in the hospital and after they're released, note the study's researchers. Finally, they might also be more vigilant about using preventative treatments, such as high blood pressure medications.
"All this says to me is that if you're living alone, you need to set up a support system for emergencies," Cindy Butler, head of the Seattle-based Alternatives to Marriage Project, told. Butler, who has been active regarding social biases against single folks relating to issues like housing, taxes and adoption, points out that there are endless variables in a study like this one, and that, if done in the U.S., it would have to take into account how difficult and expensive it is for single people to have health insurance (Finland offers universal health care). "The way it's all couched is, 'Oh, these poor single people,'" Butler added. "But what it really means is, take responsibility for your life the way that it is."
Source: The European Journal of Preventive Cardiology on January 31, 2013
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Article 2 of 2
Same topic as above in article 1 of 2 - however, somewhat
different information - study both, apply & stay healthy
Get Married, Cut Heart Attack Risk?
THURSDAY, Jan. 31, 2013 -- Marriage appears to reduce the risk of heart attacks for both men and women, according to researchers in Finland.
Other studies have shown that being single or living alone increases the risk for developing and dying from heart disease. Many of these studies, however, were only among men, the researchers said, while this new study includes both sexes.
"Our study suggests that marriage reduces the risk of acute coronary events and death due to acute coronary events in both men and women and at all ages," said lead researcher Dr. Aino Lammintausta, of Turku University Hospital.
"Furthermore, especially among middle-aged men and women, being married and cohabiting are associated with considerably better prognosis of incident acute coronary events both before hospitalization and after reaching the hospital alive," she said.
The report was published Jan. 31, 2013 in the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology.
For the study, Lammintausta's team collected data on more than 15,300 people who suffered heart attacks between 1993 and 2002. Among these people, about 7,700 died within 28 days of their attack.
Looking at the role marriage might play in the likelihood of having a heart attack, the researchers found that unmarried men were 58 percent to 66 percent more likely to have a heart attack, as were 60 percent to 65 percent of single women, compared to members of married couples.
The gap in risk of dying from a heart attack was even greater for single men and women, the researchers said.
For single men, the risk of dying within 28 days of a heart attack was 60 percent to 168 percent higher than for married men; for single women, the risk of death due to heart attack was 71 percent to 175 percent higher than for married women.
The odds of dying from a heart attack were increased for unmarried men and women regardless of age, compared with similar-aged married couples, the researchers noted.
Why marriage might have this effect isn't clear. The researchers, however, suggest several possible reasons.
Single people may be more likely to be in poor health, they said. Married people may be better off financially, live healthier lives and have more friends and social support, all of which promotes health. Married people also may be more likely to call an ambulance sooner than single people, the researchers said.
In addition, married couples get better treatment in the hospital and after discharge, the researchers noted.
On the other hand, the researchers suggested, single people may be less likely to follow measures that might help prevent heart attacks -- such as taking daily aspirin, cholesterol-lowering statins and medications to control high blood pressure.
"For better or worse, marriage is associated with better cardiovascular health and a lower risk of death due to an acute coronary event," said Dr. Gregg Fonarow, a professor of cardiology at the University of California, Los Angeles.
The reasons marriage or cohabitation may protect people from heart attacks requires further study, he added. Further research is also needed to establish a cause-and-effect relationship between marital status and heart attack incidence and survival.
More information
Source: The report was published Jan. 31, 2013 in the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology.
To learn more about heart attacks, visit the (Click: American Heart Association
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How Marriage Saved Us Almost $6,000 a Year & Improved Our Love Relationship
Trough out this website, STAF, Inc.'s editors give meaning to certain words or sayings
that may be unfamiliar to the speakers of English as their second language
NEW YORK - My husband is nothing if not pragmatic. "Don't get rid of it," he said, pointing to an old clunker of a 13-inch television that I considered chucking when we shacked up. "You'll need it if living together doesn't work out." I agreed. It wouldn't make sense to throw it away, only to split and have to buy a new one in a few months.
So, the television – along with half of our combined furniture – went into long-term storage.
Less than two years later, we were married. One of our first orders of business as newly hitched realists was to look for ways tying the knot could save us some dough. It turned out, with a little digging, we were able to save almost $6,000 a year, with virtually no change to our daily lives.
Here's how.
1. Health insurance
The first place we looked to cut costs was health insurance. As a freelance writer, I had been shelling out the after-tax equivalent of about $420 a month for coverage. Ryan, a government oceanographer, added me to his policy, which set him back only $247.50 monthly. The difference amounted to $2,070 a year, about a 41% savings. We were off to a good start.
2. Other employer benefits
We set about taking advantage of any of his other work benefits. No luck with boosting his retirement plan. He had already maxed out the company match, so using our combined income to increase his contributions wouldn't result in his employer kicking in more money. We fared slightly better with life insurance. He bought a small policy for me through his job, although whether that results in a net savings or cost depends how long it takes me to kick the bucket. I'm hoping for a loss there, but I'm treating it as a wash.
3. Car insurance
Since we could now prove we were no longer wild singles spending our weekends drag racing on the beach, we called GEICO to see if we could get a deal on car insurance. Forget 15 minutes saving 15%. Combining our policies lowered our premiums $533 annually, more than 26% in savings.
We wanted to keep waving our marriage certificate around and asking for discounts, but we couldn't quite think of who else to approach. Somehow standing in the checkout line at Publix and saying, "You see this ring on my finger? Can I get 10% off groceries?" didn't seem likely to work. We tried it with our cell phone contracts – we thought maybe if we combined them, there'd be some savings – but there wasn't.
So we broadened our post-marriage cost savings search.
4. Using each others skill sets
Ryan took on the role of "live in tech guy." He set up a free phone line through Google Voice – indistinguishable
(= not able to be identified as different or distinct) from a normal landline – which let me cut my anytime minutes in half, savings us $20 a month. And he put a wi-fi range extender in our bedroom so that I'd be able to watch movies in bed without paying the data overages that cost me $50 in the first four (unmarried) months of the year. All told, Ryan's tech skills saved us $390 a year, with initial set-up costs of $67.98 for the VoIP telephone adapter and range extender, gizmos that without Ryan, I never would have known existed.
For my part, I promised to guard the apartment while I worked from home during the day, allowing Ryan to cancel a $50 monthly burglar alarm service. Those savings won't kick in until November when his current 36-month contract ends. From then on, we'll save another cool $600.
And, sure, we could have installed the VoIP phone or scrapped the alarm before we wed—we lived together after all—but we didn't. The permanence of our situation made recurring monthly savings seem somehow more important. We wouldn't just lower our bills over the next few months; we'd do it for good. And that extra few bucks a month, we realized, would add up over time.
5. Treating our living situation like it's permanent
Now that we were no longer hedging for the "what if" of a break-up, I no longer needed my old television. And the 10'x10' storage unit holding the TV had cost us $249.99 a month for almost 2 years.
We hadn't really shopped around when we first looked for extra space. We didn't really think about the costs over time. Instead, we went with a place in our neighborhood so we could easily access it, since we had also put our bikes, paperwork, furniture and other random sundries (= miscellaneous objects too numerous or too small to be specified) that we used from time to time. Plus, the cost of storage seemed relatively low, since by moving in together we were saving on rent and utilities.
Except the unit was anything but a small expense; all told, it had cost us $5,000. Since we were no longer planning for the "what if" of a break-up, a lot of it could safely be given away. And over the course of the past months, we had taken home everything we used on a regular basis, we hardly ever visited the place anymore.
Still, we didn't want to get rid of it all together, since we're planning to buy, and furnish, a house in the coming years.
With a quick internet search, we found a facility 16 miles away that would cost us only $108 a month for a slightly smaller unit, saving us a whopping $2,245 annually, excluding one-time costs of $75.38 to rent a U-Haul and move.
All told, our monetary marital benefits totaled $5,838 annually. Put in context, that's enough money to pay down a $100,000 home loan over 30 years.
"Fine," said my husband, when I told him how much marriage is saving us. "I wanted to marry you regardless."
Who says a pragmatist can't be romantic too?
Source: MainStreet
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Article 1 of 2 (Article 2 of 2 next below)
Marriage and Minorities
Date: August 2013
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We often hear that marriage is a panacea for our problems, a remedy for all ills or difficulties -- as a nation as a whole, and especially for the black community, in which more than 70 percent of children are now born to unmarried women.
Less discussed are the societal factors contributing to this phenomenon.
Let’s start with this: while marriage may be losing a bit of its luster for some, it is still a desirable institution for most.
According to a Gallup poll released, a majority of American adults (54 percent) are married. Another fifth have been married or did not classify a marital status. Yet another fifth has never married but wants to.
And among younger people, nonwhites were less likely than whites to be married, but they were more likely to say that they wanted to be. Only 6 percent of whites and 12 percent of nonwhites said that they had never been married and didn’t want to get married.
So most Americans — both whites and minorities — still believe in marriage, but there are factors working against marriage for many, factors that need to be acknowledged.
One is mass incarceration.
In the two decades preceding the Great Recession, the American prison population nearly tripled, according to the Pew Center on the States. And make no mistake: mass incarceration rips at the fabric of families and whole communities.
According to the 2011 book “A Plague of Prisons” by Ernest Drucker, a public health expert:
■ “The risk of divorce is high among men going to prison, reaching 50 percent within a few years after incarceration.”
■ “The marriage rate for men incarcerated in prisons and jails is lower than the American average. For blacks and Hispanics, it is lower still.”
■ “Unmarried couples in which the father has been incarcerated are 37 percent less likely to be married one year after the child’s birth than similar couples in which the father has never been incarcerated.”
Related to mass incarceration is the disastrous drug war, which essentially has become a war on marijuana waged primarily against young black men, even though they use the drug at nearly the same rate as whites.
Then there’s the Aid Elimination Provision of the Higher Education Act, a provision that took effect in 2000. It denied financial aid to students with drug convictions. A couple of years after it took effect, the American Civil Liberties Union called the law “unjust and counterproductive” and “both morally wrong and unconstitutional.”
Researchers at Cornell found last year that the provision “had a large negative impact on the college attendance of students with drug convictions” — that students who were affected delayed college enrollment or were made “less likely to ever enroll in college,” among other things.
Add to that the explosion in student loan debt, which has passed the trillion-dollar mark, according to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Such debt is now held by a record one in five households, said a Pew report last year.
But this debt crisis isn’t evenly distributed. According to a report last year by the Center for American Progress: “African-American and Latino students are especially saddled with student debt, with 81 percent of African-American students and 67 percent of Latino students who earned bachelor’s degrees leaving school with debt. This compares to 64 percent of white students who graduate with debt.”
The debt burden is having a significant impact on marriage. A survey published in May by the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants showed that 15 percent of respondents delayed marriage because of student loan debt.
Furthermore, for the poorest Americans, there are marriage penalties built into many of our welfare programs. As the Heritage Foundation has pointed out: “Marriage penalties occur in many means-tested programs, such as food stamps, public housing, Medicaid, day care and Temporary Assistance to Needy Families. The welfare system should be overhauled to reduce such counterproductive incentives.”
This is not to explain away why people don’t marry or delay marriage or have children before marriage, but to give the discussion context.
In a report financed by the Department of Justice a decade ago, Donald Braman, a George Washington University law professor, argued, “For generations, social institutions from slavery and segregation to broadly punitive criminal sanctions have borne down unremittingly on poor and minority families and communities.”
One can’t bemoan the breakdown of the family — particularly the black family — without at least acknowledging the structural and systematic forces working against its cohesion.
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Source: NYT (Article 2 of 2 next below)
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GALLUP RESULTS
Article 2 of 2 (Article 1 of 2 next above)
Most in U.S. Want Marriage, but Its Importance
Has Dropped
Gallup
August 2, 2013
Young adults more likely not to want to get married
By Frank Newport and Joy Wilke
PRINCETON, NJ -- The majority of Americans are married (54%) or have never married but would like to someday (21%). That leaves 5% of Americans who have never married and say they don't want to do so, along with 20% who have been previously married or did not classify their marital status.
These results are based on a June 20-24, 2013, Gallup poll. There are no Gallup trend data on this measure of desire to be married, so it is not known whether the percentage who don't want to marry was lower in previous years or decades. But 5% is a low absolute percentage, regardless of what it was in the past.
Attitudes about marriage are important in the context of a declining marriage rate in the U.S. The Census Bureau reports that the rate of marriage is down, from 9.9 marriages per 1,000 Americans in 1987 to 6.8 in 2011. In addition, researchers at the University of Maryland found that the marriage rate per 1,000 unmarried women fell from 90 in 1950, at the height of the baby boom, to just 31 in 2011.
Young Americans Are the Most Likely Not to Want to Marry
There is significant variation across age groups in the four marriage categories, mainly driven by the increase in the "married" or "previously married" percentage as age increases. Nine percent of Americans aged 18 to 34 are unmarried and express no interest in marrying, but 56% of this group is unmarried and does want to get married. This high level of interest in marriage suggests there is little widespread attitudinal aversion to first-time marriage among the nation's younger unmarried residents.
Nonwhites, Young Adults Less Likely to Be Married, but Would Like to Be
Nonwhites in the 18- to 34-year-old age group are significantly less likely than whites of the same age to be married. But 61% of the never-married younger nonwhites want to get married, meaning that 81% of this group is married or wants to be, only slightly lower than the 87% of young whites who are in these two categories.
Young Americans who don't have a college degree and those with lower incomes are less likely to be married than those with college degrees and higher incomes. Some of this is age-related, because some of those without a college degree are in the lower end of the age segment and are still in college. Even so, these unmarried young Americans with lower levels of education and income are highly likely to say they want to be married.
Importance Americans Place on Marriage Is Down From Past
Although most Americans are married or would like to get married, less than two-thirds consider it very or somewhat important for a couple to marry if the two want to spend the rest of their lives together or when they want to have a child together. This is down from 2006, the last time Gallup asked about the importance of marriage in this way.
Fewer than six in 10 Americans who have never been married but want to be say it is important that a couple get married in these circumstances. This suggests that a sizable percentage of Americans who would like to get married still don't think it is important that they do so.
Additionally, younger Americans are significantly less likely than older groups to believe people should marry when making a lifetime commitment or having a child.
Unmarried Americans Still Looking for the Right Person
Americans who have never married but would like to were asked to explain why they were still single. The reasons given are straightforward, including the fact that they have not found the right person or because they are too young, or not ready to get married.
Finances are the third-most-frequently mentioned reason, followed by having no time, career considerations, attending school, not trusting people, and the fact that gay marriage is illegal where they live.
Implications (= something implied or suggested as naturally to be inferred or understood, associations, connections)
Regardless of age, Americans are much more positive about marriage than not, as the majority of all age groups are married or want to get married someday. Fewer than one in 10 young Americans have never married and say they do not want to get married. These findings indicate that there is a significant desire for marriage even as the overall marriage rate has dropped in recent years.
On the other hand, Americans' views of the importance of being married when two people want to spend their lives together or have a child has declined in recent years. Thus, while most younger Americans who have never married express an attitudinal interest in eventually doing so, fewer hold the underlying attitude that such an action is important.
The reasons Americans who have never married yet want to be married give for why they have not yet married support the idea that getting married is to some degree a matter of timing and convenience rather than necessity, as most reasons have to do with waiting for the right partner or the right time.
All in all, the data suggest that marriage holds its traditional status as the expected route for young couples, but the perceived importance of adhering to that tradition may be weakening. Thus, the overall marriage rate may be dropping partly because younger Americans feel more comfortable in waiting to be married, even if they do get married eventually.
Survey Methods
Results for this Gallup poll are based on telephone interviews conducted June 20-24, 2013, on the Gallup Daily tracking survey, with a random sample of 2,048 adults, aged 18 and older, living in all 50 U.S. states and the District of Columbia.
For results based on the total sample of national adults, one can say with 95% confidence that the margin of sampling error is ±3 percentage points.
Interviews are conducted with respondents on landline telephones and cellular phones, with interviews conducted in Spanish for respondents who are primarily Spanish-speaking. Each sample of national adults includes a minimum quota of 50% cellphone respondents and 50% landline respondents, with additional minimum quotas by region. Landline and cell telephone numbers are selected using random-digit-dial methods. Landline respondents are chosen at random within each household on the basis of which member had the most recent birthday.
Samples are weighted to correct for unequal selection probability, nonresponse, and double coverage of landline and cell users in the two sampling frames. They are also weighted to match the national demographics of gender, age, race, Hispanic ethnicity, education, region, population density, and phone status (cellphone only/landline only/both, and cellphone mostly). Demographic weighting targets are based on the March 2012 Current Population Survey figures for the aged 18 and older U.S. population. Phone status targets are based on the July-December 2011 National Health Interview Survey. Population density targets are based on the 2010 census. All reported margins of sampling error include the computed design effects for weighting.
In addition to sampling error, question wording and practical difficulties in conducting surveys can introduce error or bias into the findings of public opinion polls.
For more details on Gallup's polling methodology, visit www.gallup.com.
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Source: by Frank Newport and Joy Wilke, PRINCETON, NJ
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American Way of Birth,
Costliest in the World
- Maternity care and childbirth cost far more in the United States than in other developed countries, but studies show that their citizens do not ...
The New York Times
By ELISABETH ROSENTHAL - Health - Article - Print Headline: "American Way of Birth, Costliest in the World"
The Nine-Month Pregnancy Myth
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Source: Journal Human Reproduction
Free diapers, coupons, unsolicited advice from strangers on the bus-when you first become pregnant, you get a lot of things! But one of the most important things you get is your due date, which is key for everything from measuring fetal health to tracking on baby sites which piece of fruit your fetus resembles.
Plus, "When are you due?" is always the first question people ask when they spot your bump. But new research from the U.S. National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences says that assigning women a due date may do more harm than good because normal pregnancies can vary by up to five weeks.
The study, published in the journal Human Reproduction, followed 125 women with normal, uncomplicated pregnancies and discovered that there was much wider range of "normal" than previously thought. "We were a bit surprised by this finding," Anne Marie Jukic, Ph.D., lead author of the study, said in a press release. "We know that length of gestation varies among women, but some part of that variation has always been attributed to errors in the assignment of gestational age." She adds that even though their measure of length of gestation does not include these sources of error, there is still five weeks of variability, a result she calls utterly fascinating.
The researchers found that many things factor into pregnancy length, including a woman's age, how long the embryo takes to implant in the uterus, and even the mother's own birth weight. However, pregnancy length stays consistent between pregnancies in the same woman.
Five weeks may not sound like much when you're finishing summer vacation, but when it comes to how long babies need to bake, even one week can make a huge difference to the health of the baby and mother. Both preemies and post-term babies have an increased risk of injury, complications, and death.
Annette Hetzel, a registered nurse who specializes in labor in delivery, explains that it is very rare to see any pregnancy go outside of the 38- to 41-week range. "If labor starts before 37 weeks, they usually try to stop it. If it is after 41 weeks, they usually advise an induction because the risk of fetal demise increases."
That said, Hetzel has seen a wide variety of deliveries in her 20 years of birthing babies. "I remember one lady that for all six babies she had, it was a full 10 months gestation. And the babies weren't gigantic or showing typical signs of being overdue. It was just how her body worked." She adds that intervening in a normal pregnancy-either by using powerful drugs to stall labor or by inducing labor early or performing an unnecessary c-section-can also introduce complications that wouldn't otherwise have happened.
So is it still the best plan to give women a precise due date?
"I think the best that can be said is that natural variability may be greater than we have previously thought and, if that is true, clinicians may want to keep that in mind when trying to decide whether to intervene on a pregnancy," Jukic said. She adds that the study is too small to make general conclusions from, and more research still needs to be done.
Hetzel is more pragmatic, pointing out that doctors and women need something to measure pregnancies by so they know whether development is progressing normally. "Besides, I think everyone knows that the due date is just a guesstimation. I don't care if you give a range or a specific date, every woman worries about how long she'll be pregnant anyhow.
No one wants to be pregnant any longer than they have to!"
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Source: Journal Human Reproduction
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Test-tube babies: A simpler, cheaper technique?
LONDON (AP) — Since the first test-tube baby was born more than three decades ago, in vitro fertilization has evolved into a highly sophisticated lab procedure. Now, scientists are going back to basics and testing a simpler and cheaper method.
In the West, many would-be parents spend thousands of dollars for IVF, which involves pricey incubators and extensive screening. But European and American scientists say a simplified version of the entire procedure aimed at developing countries could be done for about 200 euros ($265) with generic fertility drugs and basic lab equipment that would fit inside a shoebox.
"IVF is made to sound complicated, but the fact is that the early embryo is not very demanding," said Jonathan Van Blerkom, a fertility expert at the University of Colorado.
A human embryo doesn't need much beyond some basic solutions, a steady pH level and constant temperature, he said.
The simpler approach calls for women to take cheaper fertility tablets to stimulate their ovaries to release more than one egg per month. In conventional IVF, expensive, potent drugs that are injected can produce more than 20 eggs.
Van Blerkom developed the simplified technique after European colleagues asked him how IVF could be done in developing countries.
"My first reaction was, 'You've got to be kidding,'" he said.
But with two test tubes and special solutions, "it's possible to generate the exact same conditions, or very similar, to what people are generating in a $60,000 incubator."
One test tube is used to prepare a solution including carbon dioxide, which creates the ideal conditions for fertilization. That's piped into a second tube, where one egg and a few thousand sperm are added, before being placed in a heating block. After about two to three days, any resulting embryo is examined under a microscope before being transferred into the woman.
Van Blerkom and colleagues estimated that about half of all people seeking infertility treatment could potentially be helped by the method. Those who have complicated infertility problems, like men with severe sperm problems or women with very few eggs left, will still need standard IVF.
In an ongoing trial in Belgium, researchers are comparing the techniques. Women under 36 seeking IVF for the first time are given a mild dose of injectable fertility drugs. If at least eight eggs are retrieved, half undergo traditional IVF, and half use the simpler method.
A specialist who doesn't know which technique was used picks the best-looking embryo to be transferred.
For the more than 100 women treated so far, the pregnancy rate was about 34 percent for both methods. So far, 14 babies have been born using the simplified method and 13 babies from traditional IVF.
The World Health Organization estimates there are between 120 and 160 million couples struggling with infertility worldwide.
"Nobody thinks that infertility in developing countries is a problem, but it is an even bigger problem there than in (the West)," WHO reproductive health expert Sheryl Vanderpoel said.
She said more people in developing countries have complications from untreated infections, including sexually spread diseases, than in the West, which can hurt their fertility.
"Making IVF affordable is a public health priority," she said.
Dr. Hassan Sallam, director of the Alexandria Fertility and IVF Center in Egypt, said the cheaper IVF method would be welcomed. He said there is considerable social pressure on young Egyptian couples to have children — and that is compounded by the fact in rural areas, many newlyweds live with the man's family.
"All eyes are on the newlywed couple to see if pregnancy has happened after the first month," he said in an email.
He said couples married for two to three months occasionally come to see him "just to please their in-laws."
Although the new IVF strategy is intended for use mainly in developing countries, doctors in rich countries are also interested.
"You should not have to be rich just to have IVF," said Dr. Geeta Nargund, medical director for Create Health Clinics, a private fertility center in London. "There are so many people who cannot afford the treatment (in the West) that there would be huge demand if there were something cheaper available."
In many European countries, national health systems pay for several IVF cycles for eligible couples but it can cost more than $10,000 for those seeking it privately. For many couples, up to three cycles are necessary to create a baby.
She has asked Britain's regulatory agency for fertility treatment for permission to test the simpler technique.
Some said the success rates of the cheaper IVF method would likely be lower than those for regular IVF. The simplified method does not include any extensive screening of embryos or any procedures to inject sperm directly into the eggs.
"You aren't producing as many eggs with this (cheap) method so the numbers will not be as high," said Ian Cooke, an emeritus professor of reproductive medicine at Sheffield University. Cooke also thought training enough health professionals in developing countries might be an issue.
Still, he said the method was promising. Because doctors were planning to use less potent fertility drugs, he said it was fine to cut back on the regular screening and daily tests used in normal IVF regimens.
"From a technical point of view, they have proven it works," he said, adding it was now necessary to test the technique in developing countries.
Patient groups said doctors should offer the cheaper IVF method if it is approved.
"IVF is not a one-size-fits-all process," said Susan Seenan, deputy chief executive of Infertility Network UK. "Patients are being told they need all kinds of expensive procedures and this may be a good time to step back and see if that is really the case."
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Things Your Pee is Trying to Tell You
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You know that you’ve had your share of water/beer/coffee by the frequency in which you need to use the bathroom, but what else can pee tell you about your health and habits? A lot, it turns out. We asked R. Mark Ellerkmann, M.D., director for the Center of Urogynecology at the Weinberg Center for Women’s Health and Medicine in Baltimore, MD, for some of the specific health and lifestyle issues your urine’s odor, color, and frequency can indicate.
The reason you have to pee on a stick after your first missed period is that shortly after conception (when a fertilized egg implants into the lining of the uterus), the fetus begins to secrete the hormone human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG, which is what is detected by home pregnancy tests, Dr. Ellerkmann says. Some women also notice a strong, pungent odor early on, even before they’re aware they’re pregnant.
Once you’ve got a baby on board, running to the bathroom constantly is just one of the pesky parts of pregnancy, for a variety of reasons: your kidneys have to work harder to eliminate waste products from both you and the fetus, and as you (and the baby) get bigger, pressure on your bladder from your expanding uterus can send you to the ladies’ morning, noon, and, annoyingly, in the middle of the night.
You Have an Injury or a Medical Condition
Medically speaking, if there are red blood cells in your urine—known as “hematuria”—this could indicate a variety of conditions, according to Dr. Ellkermann, from kidney stones to an impact injury (in rare cases this can be caused by strenuous exercise like running long distances). A sweet odor can be indicative of diabetes, since your body isn’t properly processing glucose. If you’re over 35 and have erratic or heavy periods and an increase in urine frequency, you may have fibroids, benign uterine tumors that can press on your bladder (depending on their size, which can range from an olive to a grapefruit). Needless to say, if you see blood, smell any usual odor, or have any other concerns, see your doctor.
You're a Big Fan of Blackberries
Crazy for carrots? Bananas for beets? Certain fruits and vegetables that have dark pigments (like the anthocyanin that gives beets and blackberries their deep red color) can tint urine either pink, in the case of red or purple produce, or orange if you’re eating foods rich in carotene like carrots, sweet potatoes, and pumpkins. If you’re on a produce kick or just a really big fan of borscht, a change in urine color is nothing to be alarmed about, just take note if it stays the same after you’ve given the farmer’s market a rest (vitamins can have a similar effect, particularly Vitamin C, as well as certain medications). And of course there is the notorious asparagus pee odor, caused by a harmless compound the veggie contains. .
You Have a UTI (= urinary track infection)
Click: Urinary Tract Infection? - NAFC.orgwww.nafc.org
NAFC = National Association for Continence - Learn about symptoms, treatment, and prevention of UTIs.
Yes, that awful burning feeling is a pretty good indication you’ve got a dreaded urinary tract infection, but frequency (more than seven times a day, according to Dr. Ellkerman) is also a sign it’s time to call your doc. Other symptoms of a UTI can include fever, chills, pelvic/lower-back pain, and, occasionally, the presence of red blood cells can tinge urine pink, while white blood cells that are rushing to fight your infection can turn urine cloudy or cause an unpleasant odor. If you experience any of these symptoms, you likely need antibiotics to clear up the infection; your doctor can detect the presence of a UTI with a urine sample. If you’re tempted to swill some Ocean Spray instead, don’t bother—unless you really like it. Cranberry juice won’t help after the fact, but may prevent a UTI by making it difficult for bacteria to adhere to the bladder wall.
Your Kitchen is Stocked with Wine, Chocolate, Coffee, or Hot Sauce
And they should be, as all of those things are either necessary, delicious, or both. Unfortunately if you have stress incontinence, they can also make it worse. While this isn’t terribly common in woman under 40 (though it can occur if you’ve had a baby or gynecological surgery), coffee, alcohol, sugar, and spicy foods can irritate bladder walls and aggravate the condition.
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Source: R. Mark Ellerkmann, M.D., director for the Center of Urogynecology at the Weinberg Center for Women’s Health and Medicine in Baltimore
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Ways Birth Control Can Fail
Important to realize:
50 % of all women who accidentally get pregnant were using some type of birth control
In the same way about half of all pregnancies in the United States are unintentional
Nothing works 100 percent of the time, and slipups occur more often than you might think
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Whatever your contraceptive of choice, you're confident that using it means you won't be sporting a baby bump in the near future. And, to a certain extent, you should be able to breathe easy: Modern birth control is extremely effective.
But nothing works 100 percent of the time, and slipups occur more often than you might think.
According to the Guttmacher Institute, a whopping 49 percent of all pregnancies in the United States are unintentional—and not everyone who finds herself unexpectedly knocked up was snoozing through sex-ed class. In fact, half of all women who accidentally get pregnant were using some type of birth control.
Click: Guttmacher Institute: Home Page - www.guttmacher.org/ An institute seeking to advance sexual and reproductive health through research, policy analysis and public education.
So what's going wrong? A lot of it comes down to user error, such as neglecting to take an oral contraceptive every day. "Life is busy and complicated for most people, and sometimes having to think about one more thing is too much," says Katharine O'Connell White, M.D., division chief of general obstetrics and gynecology at Baystate Medical Center in Springfield, MA.
Of course, taking care of an un-anticipated addition to your family is no easy feat either. Here's what went wrong for five readers, plus strategies for getting it right.
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Source: General obstetrics and gynecology at Baystate Medical Center in Springfield, MA
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Why Baby Calms Down When Carried
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A new study from Japan confirms what many mothers may know instinctively: Picking up and carrying a fussy baby usually calms down and relaxes the child, making the move a good one for both moms and infants. When mothers in the study carried their babies while walking around, the infants became noticeably more relaxed and stopped crying and squirming. The babies' rapidly beating hearts also slowed down, evidence that the children were feeling calmer.
"Infants become calm and relaxed when they are carried by their mother," said study researcher Dr.Kumi Kuroda, who investigates social behavior at the RIKEN Brain Science Institute in Saitama, Japan. The study observed strikingly similar responses in mouse babies.
Since carrying (meaning holding while walking) can help stop an infant from crying, Kuroda said, it can offer mothers a way to soothe short-term irritations to their children, such as scary noises or vaccinations.
The findings were published online, April 18, 2013, in the journal Current Biology.
A strong calming effect
For the small study, researchers monitored the responses of 12 healthy infants ages 1 month to 6 months. The scientists wanted to discover the most effective way for mothers to calm a crying baby over a 30-second period — simply holding the baby or carrying the infant while walking.
Young babies carried by a walking mother were the most relaxed and soothed, compared with infants whose mothers sat in a chair and held them, the study found. As a mother stood up and started to walk with her child cradled close in her arms, scientists observed an automatic change in the baby's behavior.
These results held even after the researchers took into account other factors, such as the child's age and sex, and the mother's age and walking speed.
Kuroda said she was surprised by the strength of the calming effect from maternal holding and walking. In observing experiments on both humans and mice, she was amazed at how quicklythe heart rate slowed, and by how much immediately after a mother started walking. (Mother mice pick up their young by the scruff of their neck with their mouths.)
According to the researchers, maternal walking may be more effective in calming infants than other kinds of rhythmic motion, such as rocking.
Advice for parents
When an underlying reason for crying persists, such as hunger or sustained pain, the infant may start crying again soon after the end of carrying.
That's why Kuroda recommended that when a baby starts crying, a brief period of carrying may help parents to identify the cause of the tears. She acknowledged carrying might not completely stop the crying, but it may prevent parents from becoming frustrated by a crying infant.
The findings also have implications for one parenting technique in which parents let babies cry as a way to help them learn to fall asleep by themselves, the researchers said.
"Our study suggests why some babies do not respond well to the 'cry-it-out' parenting method," Kuroda said.
Proponents of the technique advise parents to let infants, after a certain age, cry themselves to sleep — without mom or dad comforting them — in the hopes the baby will learn how to soothe himself or herself.
But Kuroda said that calming by maternal carrying, as well as crying during separation, are both built-in mechanisms for infant survival. These behaviors have been hard-wired for millions of years. "Changing these reactions would be possible as infants are flexible, but it may take time," she said.
Although this study looked at a baby's behavior in response to its mother, Kuroda said the effect is not specific to moms, and any primary caregiver for the infant can perform the carrying. The researchers observed the same carrying-induced calming effects when fathers, grandmothers and an unfamiliar female with caregiving experience carried babies who were under 2 months old, Kuroda said.
Pass it on: Picking up and carrying a crying infant will automatically calm the child.
Source: Study researcher Dr.Kumi Kuroda, who investigates social behavior at the RIKEN Brain Science Institute in Saitama, Japan
The findings were published online, April 18, 2013, in the journal Current Biology.
Click green for further info
Protect your Children from Hearing Loss
The Journal of Pediatrics notes that the increase in earphone use
has led to a spike in hearing loss among children between the ages of 6 and 19
Click green for further info
The U.K.’s National Health Service (NHS) offers hearing screenings within the first few weeks of life, which identifies those babies who will need follow-up care. The NHS reports that of every 1,000 babies born, one or two will have hearing loss in one or both ears.
Hearing loss is an issue throughout childhood, though, as recent studies have shown. In The U.S. The Journal of Pediatrics notes that the increase in earphone use has led to a spike in hearing loss among children between the ages of 6 and 19. The publication says 12.5 percent of children in that demographic have developed hearing loss because they use earphones with the volume turned up too high.
Other factors that play a role in the rise in hearing loss among children include loud urban environments, head trauma through physical sports, and excessive noise from video games, movies, and other media.
With this being back-to-school season, I thought I would list five things parents could do to protect their children’s hearing for this school year and beyond.
1. Turn down the music
As mentioned above, loud music (and loud media, in general) is eroding children’s hearing at earlier and earlier ages. Parents must monitor the volume and should limit the use of earbud headphones. Noise-dampening headphones are both fashionable and less damaging to hearing. Although they are pricey, they are worth the investment.
2. Play music with caution
Band practice—whether it be at school or after school with friends—is one of the most popular extra-curricular activities for kids. Keeping music enjoyable for years to come means using the same precautions when playing drums and guitars as when listening to music on a personal MP3 player.
Give your kids earplugs and show them examples of all the many musicians who wear ear protection both to protect their hearing and to fine-tune their musicianship.
3. Practice good ear health
Ear infections are the most common reason parents will bring their child to a doctor, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. One reason is that the Eustachian tubes in children are much smaller than they are in adults, meaning it is harder for fluid to drain out and more likely for infection to occur.
Proper, routine cleaning of the ears is crucial for maintaining hearing health. It’s important not to attempt to clean the inside of a child’s ears with cotton swabs. This can be damaging to the eardrum. Instead, wash the outside of the ears with a warm washcloth, cleaning around the ear canal. Regular bathing and nightly cleaning of the ears is important to maintaining healthy ears.
If your child complains about pain in the ears, consult your family physician, who can check to see if there is excessive buildup of earwax or an infection.
4. Wear the right equipment for sports
Helmet use isn’t only for contact sports. Kids who bike ride, rollerblade, or skateboard are at risk of increased head trauma if they don’t wear proper protection.
In many jurisdictions in North America, helmet use is required when riding a bike, but that’s not the case with other activities where falls routinely occur. Hitting the pavement hard is one of the learning lessons of childhood, but simple precautions like wearing a helmet can reduce the chances of permanent damage to brain function, including hearing.
5. Get their hearing tested
Children can receive free hearing health tests through their physicians and public medical clinics in Canada and many parts of the United States. These tests can identify noise-induced hearing loss as well as recommend treatment to keep the problem from worsening.
Back to school not only means shopping for fashionable clothes and school supplies, it also means a return to healthy routines including early bedtimes and planning nutritious bagged lunches.
To those activities, parents should add hearing-health precautions for their children. A few easy-to-follow tips can help ensure they stay connected to the sounds and people they love.
Click green for further info
Source: The Journal of Pediatrics
______________________________
=========================================================================================================================================================
Want Your Youngest Child to Achieve? Treat Him Like He's Your Oldest
STAF,Inc.'s editors decided to place this article to wake awareness to this topic - We at STAF, Inc. believe that this article information is not necessarily reflecting how things are. STAF, Inc.'s opinion is that anyone can succeed based on areasonably "hard" work. The purpose of this article is the reader to realize that the future will be the way one creates it that it does not depend on one's birth order.
This article has some good information. However, it is important for any parent or child to realize that other studies have showed different results, e.g. that the birth order does not matter. As an example STAF, Inc.'s President was the youngest child, yet went to school as 2 years younger than any other kid and he was the best student in his high school. As adult his work is nationwide/worldwide.
Here another opinion from the public:
Haha in our family, it was the exact opposite! My older brother was intelligent, but he didn't care about his grades much. I cared about my grades a little more, and did better in school and college than he did. However, my little sister trumps both of us. She's never received a "B", got a 32 on the ACT, and is top of her class. My mom attributes that to our age difference though. I was starting Kindergarten when my younger sister was learning to speak, so I would my school assignments to her and trace my finger along the bottom of the words as I went along, and she would watch intently. Then when I got a little older, my parents used flash cards to teach me multiplication, and I would say the answers out-loud. Since my younger sister was almost always in the room too, she picked up on that information at an early age!
Click green for further info
A new study indicates that first-born children perform better in school and also suggests why. It's not that they are smarter or have higher self-esteem, but that their parents are tougher on them. "People shouldn't feel limited because they are the second or third child," V. Joseph Host of Duke University. Click also this:
Duke University: Homeduke.edu/
"Yes, there are birth order patterns to what we accomplish, but these accomplishments are influenced by many different factors, including how we are raised by our parents." Host co-authored the paper with Juan Patano of Washington University.
Parents Feel Weighed Down by Kids' Homework Burden
The authors, who are both economists, looked at data from the (click: National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, which surveyed more than 12,000 participants. The study controlled gender, divorce, family size, and other factors that might have influenced the outcomes. They found that parents of earlier-born children were harder on them when they brought home poor grades than they were with later-born children. Parents were also more lax with their rules for their younger kids when it came to television watching, video games, and other activities that might diminish time dedicated to homework. The study found that the oldest child in a family of four is significantly more likely to "face daily homework monitoring relative to the last born in that family." As a result, oldest children were more likely to be at the top of their classes and the youngest more likely to be at the bottom. What's also interesting is that the survey found that parents took a tougher approach because they were trying to establish their reputation as a disciplinarian. Once they felt their tough-love style had been established with the first child, they had the tendency to slack off.
Susan Whitbourne, a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts, University of Massachusetts
says she appreciates the study's approach because it's focusing on the role of the parent rather than something intrinsic to a child. "There is so much that's written on birth order that seems very deterministic". "There is the tendency for parents to assume that the oldest is going to be better in school, so they put that expectation on them."
The fascination with birth order and its effect on personality and success goes back more than 100 years, when Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Sigmund Freud click: Sigmund Freud first theorized that birth order has an inherent role in shaping personality and classified characteristics of first-, second-, and last-born children as well as only children and twins. To simplify, he characterized oldest children as attention seekers who were confused about their place after being usurped by their siblings. Middle children were competitive and in their adult lives needed to feel superior because they had successfully won their parents' attention and also had authority over their younger siblings. As for youngest children, he described them as being overprotected and prone to feeling inferior.
7 Teacher-Approved Tips to Help Kids Be Better Students
Since Adler's era, there have been more than 1,000 scholarly articles and many books published on the topic. The result of such intense interest is that today, the idea of birth-order-influenced traits has become codified – almost like one's zodiac sign. At the same time, because people believe so strongly in the significance of birth order, they impose stereotypes on their children, which become self-fulfilling. The eldest is pushed to be a high achiever, the youngest is babied, and so on.
A 2012 review looked at 200 studies on the topic and found that certain themes did emerge in defining the characteristics of people depending on when they were born. According to their tabulation of the data:
First-born children are often highly motivated, Type A personalities who are vulnerable to stress. They are the most conformist*) and influenced by authority. *) conformist = One who mindlessly or intentionally follows certain standards for social purposes, we're all conformists to an extent.
Middle children are sociable and least prone to "acting out." They can also exhibit feelings of being an outsider.
Youngest children show the highest degree of sociability and empathy. They are also the most rebellious.
Only children have a strong need to achieve, are intelligent, and exhibit the most behavioral problems.
But, Whitbourne stresses that birth order is not destiny. She encourages parents to look at their own biases and nurture each of their individual children's strengths. That might mean letting your eldest child's grades slide on occasion and telling your youngest to turn off the TV and hit the books.
Click green for further info
Source: NATIONAL BUREAU OF ECONOMIC RESEARCH -
click The National Bureau of Economic Research A research organization dedicated to promoting a greater understanding of how the economy works.
___________________________________
====================================================================================================
Important for children's & teens' health & success
Doctors to parents: Limit kids’ tweets, texts, online time & keep smartphones, laptops out of bedrooms.
The recommendations are bound to prompt eye-rolling and LOLs from many teens but an influential pediatricians group says parents need to know that unrestricted media use can have serious consequences.
It’s been linked with violence, cyberbullying, school woes, obesity, lack of sleep and a host of other problems. It’s not a major cause of these troubles, but “many parents are clueless” about the profound impact media exposure can have on their children, said Dr. Victor Strasburger, lead author of the new American Academy of Pediatrics policy.
“This is the 21st century and they need to get with it,” said Strasburger, a University of New Mexico adolescent medicine specialist.
The policy is aimed at all kids, including those who use smartphones, computers and other Internet-connected devices.
It expands the academy’s longstanding recommendations on banning televisions from children’s and teens’ bedrooms and limiting entertainment screen time to no more than two hours daily.
Under the new policy, those two hours include using the Internet for entertainment, including Facebook, Twitter, TV and movies; online homework is an exception.
The policy statement cites a 2010 report that found U.S. children aged 8 to 18 spend an average of more than seven hours daily using some kind of entertainment media. Many kids now watch TV online and many send text messages from their bedrooms after “lights out,” including sexually explicit images by cellphone or Internet, yet few parents set rules about media use, the policy says.
“I guarantee you that if you have a 14-year-old boy and he has an Internet connection in his bedroom, he is looking at pornography,” Strasburger said.
The policy notes that three-quarters of kids aged 12 to 17 own cellphones; nearly all teens send text messages, and many younger kids have phones giving them online access.
“Young people now spend more time with media than they do in school — it is the leading activity for children and teenagers other than sleeping” the policy says.
Mark Risinger, 16, of Glenview, Ill., is allowed to use his smartphone and laptop in his room, and says he spends about four hours daily on the Internet doing homework, using Facebook and YouTube and watching movies.
He said a two-hour Internet time limit “would be catastrophic” and that kids won’t follow the advice, “they’ll just find a way to get around it.”
Strasburger said he realizes many kids will scoff at advice from pediatricians — or any adults.
“After all, they’re the experts! We’re media-Neanderthals to them,” he said. But he said he hopes it will lead to more limits from parents and schools, and more government research on the effects of media.
The policy was published online in the Journal Pediatrics. It comes two weeks after police arrested two Florida girls accused of bullying a classmate who committed suicide. Police say one of the girls recently boasted online about the bullying and the local sheriff questioned why the suspects’ parents hadn’t restricted their Internet use.
Mark’s mom, Amy Risinger, said she agrees with restricting kids’ time on social media but that deciding on other media limits should be up to parents.
“I think some children have a greater maturity level and you don’t need to be quite as strict with them,” said Risinger, who runs a communications consulting firm.
Her 12-year-old has sneaked a laptop into bed a few times and ended up groggy in the morning, “so that’s why the rules are now in place, that that device needs to be in mom and dad’s room before he goes to bed.”
Sara Gorr, a San Francisco sales director and mother of girls, ages 13 and 15, said she welcomes the academy’s recommendations.
Her girls weren’t allowed to watch the family’s lone TV until a few years ago. The younger one has a tablet, and the older one has a computer and smartphone, and they’re told not to use them after 9 p.m.
“There needs to be more awareness,” Gorr said. “Kids are getting way too much computer time. It’s bad for their socialization, it’s overstimulating, it’s numbing them.”
Source:
American Academy of Pediatrics - Journal Pediatrics:
click: American Academy of Pediatrics
click: Pediatrics (journal)
_____________________________________________
=============================================================================
=============================================================================
Click green for further info
A new study from Japan confirms what many mothers may know instinctively: Picking up and carrying a fussy baby usually calms down and relaxes the child, making the move a good one for both moms and infants. When mothers in the study carried their babies while walking around, the infants became noticeably more relaxed and stopped crying and squirming. The babies' rapidly beating hearts also slowed down, evidence that the children were feeling calmer.
"Infants become calm and relaxed when they are carried by their mother," said study researcher Dr.Kumi Kuroda, who investigates social behavior at the RIKEN Brain Science Institute in Saitama, Japan. The study observed strikingly similar responses in mouse babies.
Since carrying (meaning holding while walking) can help stop an infant from crying, Kuroda said, it can offer mothers a way to soothe short-term irritations to their children, such as scary noises or vaccinations.
The findings were published online, April 18, 2013, in the journal Current Biology.
A strong calming effect
For the small study, researchers monitored the responses of 12 healthy infants ages 1 month to 6 months. The scientists wanted to discover the most effective way for mothers to calm a crying baby over a 30-second period — simply holding the baby or carrying the infant while walking.
Young babies carried by a walking mother were the most relaxed and soothed, compared with infants whose mothers sat in a chair and held them, the study found. As a mother stood up and started to walk with her child cradled close in her arms, scientists observed an automatic change in the baby's behavior.
These results held even after the researchers took into account other factors, such as the child's age and sex, and the mother's age and walking speed.
Kuroda said she was surprised by the strength of the calming effect from maternal holding and walking. In observing experiments on both humans and mice, she was amazed at how quicklythe heart rate slowed, and by how much immediately after a mother started walking. (Mother mice pick up their young by the scruff of their neck with their mouths.)
According to the researchers, maternal walking may be more effective in calming infants than other kinds of rhythmic motion, such as rocking.
Advice for parents
When an underlying reason for crying persists, such as hunger or sustained pain, the infant may start crying again soon after the end of carrying.
That's why Kuroda recommended that when a baby starts crying, a brief period of carrying may help parents to identify the cause of the tears. She acknowledged carrying might not completely stop the crying, but it may prevent parents from becoming frustrated by a crying infant.
The findings also have implications for one parenting technique in which parents let babies cry as a way to help them learn to fall asleep by themselves, the researchers said.
"Our study suggests why some babies do not respond well to the 'cry-it-out' parenting method," Kuroda said.
Proponents of the technique advise parents to let infants, after a certain age, cry themselves to sleep — without mom or dad comforting them — in the hopes the baby will learn how to soothe himself or herself.
But Kuroda said that calming by maternal carrying, as well as crying during separation, are both built-in mechanisms for infant survival. These behaviors have been hard-wired for millions of years. "Changing these reactions would be possible as infants are flexible, but it may take time," she said.
Although this study looked at a baby's behavior in response to its mother, Kuroda said the effect is not specific to moms, and any primary caregiver for the infant can perform the carrying. The researchers observed the same carrying-induced calming effects when fathers, grandmothers and an unfamiliar female with caregiving experience carried babies who were under 2 months old, Kuroda said.
Pass it on: Picking up and carrying a crying infant will automatically calm the child.
Source: Study researcher Dr.Kumi Kuroda, who investigates social behavior at the RIKEN Brain Science Institute in Saitama, Japan
The findings were published online, April 18, 2013, in the journal Current Biology.
Click green for further info
- 7 Facts About Home Births
- 9 Weird Ways Kids Can Get Hurt
- Top 5 Ways to Reduce Toxins in Homes _________________________________________________
Protect your Children from Hearing Loss
The Journal of Pediatrics notes that the increase in earphone use
has led to a spike in hearing loss among children between the ages of 6 and 19
Click green for further info
The U.K.’s National Health Service (NHS) offers hearing screenings within the first few weeks of life, which identifies those babies who will need follow-up care. The NHS reports that of every 1,000 babies born, one or two will have hearing loss in one or both ears.
Hearing loss is an issue throughout childhood, though, as recent studies have shown. In The U.S. The Journal of Pediatrics notes that the increase in earphone use has led to a spike in hearing loss among children between the ages of 6 and 19. The publication says 12.5 percent of children in that demographic have developed hearing loss because they use earphones with the volume turned up too high.
Other factors that play a role in the rise in hearing loss among children include loud urban environments, head trauma through physical sports, and excessive noise from video games, movies, and other media.
With this being back-to-school season, I thought I would list five things parents could do to protect their children’s hearing for this school year and beyond.
1. Turn down the music
As mentioned above, loud music (and loud media, in general) is eroding children’s hearing at earlier and earlier ages. Parents must monitor the volume and should limit the use of earbud headphones. Noise-dampening headphones are both fashionable and less damaging to hearing. Although they are pricey, they are worth the investment.
2. Play music with caution
Band practice—whether it be at school or after school with friends—is one of the most popular extra-curricular activities for kids. Keeping music enjoyable for years to come means using the same precautions when playing drums and guitars as when listening to music on a personal MP3 player.
Give your kids earplugs and show them examples of all the many musicians who wear ear protection both to protect their hearing and to fine-tune their musicianship.
3. Practice good ear health
Ear infections are the most common reason parents will bring their child to a doctor, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. One reason is that the Eustachian tubes in children are much smaller than they are in adults, meaning it is harder for fluid to drain out and more likely for infection to occur.
Proper, routine cleaning of the ears is crucial for maintaining hearing health. It’s important not to attempt to clean the inside of a child’s ears with cotton swabs. This can be damaging to the eardrum. Instead, wash the outside of the ears with a warm washcloth, cleaning around the ear canal. Regular bathing and nightly cleaning of the ears is important to maintaining healthy ears.
If your child complains about pain in the ears, consult your family physician, who can check to see if there is excessive buildup of earwax or an infection.
4. Wear the right equipment for sports
Helmet use isn’t only for contact sports. Kids who bike ride, rollerblade, or skateboard are at risk of increased head trauma if they don’t wear proper protection.
In many jurisdictions in North America, helmet use is required when riding a bike, but that’s not the case with other activities where falls routinely occur. Hitting the pavement hard is one of the learning lessons of childhood, but simple precautions like wearing a helmet can reduce the chances of permanent damage to brain function, including hearing.
5. Get their hearing tested
Children can receive free hearing health tests through their physicians and public medical clinics in Canada and many parts of the United States. These tests can identify noise-induced hearing loss as well as recommend treatment to keep the problem from worsening.
Back to school not only means shopping for fashionable clothes and school supplies, it also means a return to healthy routines including early bedtimes and planning nutritious bagged lunches.
To those activities, parents should add hearing-health precautions for their children. A few easy-to-follow tips can help ensure they stay connected to the sounds and people they love.
Click green for further info
Source: The Journal of Pediatrics
______________________________
=========================================================================================================================================================
Want Your Youngest Child to Achieve? Treat Him Like He's Your Oldest
STAF,Inc.'s editors decided to place this article to wake awareness to this topic - We at STAF, Inc. believe that this article information is not necessarily reflecting how things are. STAF, Inc.'s opinion is that anyone can succeed based on areasonably "hard" work. The purpose of this article is the reader to realize that the future will be the way one creates it that it does not depend on one's birth order.
This article has some good information. However, it is important for any parent or child to realize that other studies have showed different results, e.g. that the birth order does not matter. As an example STAF, Inc.'s President was the youngest child, yet went to school as 2 years younger than any other kid and he was the best student in his high school. As adult his work is nationwide/worldwide.
Here another opinion from the public:
Haha in our family, it was the exact opposite! My older brother was intelligent, but he didn't care about his grades much. I cared about my grades a little more, and did better in school and college than he did. However, my little sister trumps both of us. She's never received a "B", got a 32 on the ACT, and is top of her class. My mom attributes that to our age difference though. I was starting Kindergarten when my younger sister was learning to speak, so I would my school assignments to her and trace my finger along the bottom of the words as I went along, and she would watch intently. Then when I got a little older, my parents used flash cards to teach me multiplication, and I would say the answers out-loud. Since my younger sister was almost always in the room too, she picked up on that information at an early age!
Click green for further info
A new study indicates that first-born children perform better in school and also suggests why. It's not that they are smarter or have higher self-esteem, but that their parents are tougher on them. "People shouldn't feel limited because they are the second or third child," V. Joseph Host of Duke University. Click also this:
Duke University: Homeduke.edu/
"Yes, there are birth order patterns to what we accomplish, but these accomplishments are influenced by many different factors, including how we are raised by our parents." Host co-authored the paper with Juan Patano of Washington University.
Parents Feel Weighed Down by Kids' Homework Burden
The authors, who are both economists, looked at data from the (click: National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, which surveyed more than 12,000 participants. The study controlled gender, divorce, family size, and other factors that might have influenced the outcomes. They found that parents of earlier-born children were harder on them when they brought home poor grades than they were with later-born children. Parents were also more lax with their rules for their younger kids when it came to television watching, video games, and other activities that might diminish time dedicated to homework. The study found that the oldest child in a family of four is significantly more likely to "face daily homework monitoring relative to the last born in that family." As a result, oldest children were more likely to be at the top of their classes and the youngest more likely to be at the bottom. What's also interesting is that the survey found that parents took a tougher approach because they were trying to establish their reputation as a disciplinarian. Once they felt their tough-love style had been established with the first child, they had the tendency to slack off.
Susan Whitbourne, a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts, University of Massachusetts
says she appreciates the study's approach because it's focusing on the role of the parent rather than something intrinsic to a child. "There is so much that's written on birth order that seems very deterministic". "There is the tendency for parents to assume that the oldest is going to be better in school, so they put that expectation on them."
The fascination with birth order and its effect on personality and success goes back more than 100 years, when Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Sigmund Freud click: Sigmund Freud first theorized that birth order has an inherent role in shaping personality and classified characteristics of first-, second-, and last-born children as well as only children and twins. To simplify, he characterized oldest children as attention seekers who were confused about their place after being usurped by their siblings. Middle children were competitive and in their adult lives needed to feel superior because they had successfully won their parents' attention and also had authority over their younger siblings. As for youngest children, he described them as being overprotected and prone to feeling inferior.
7 Teacher-Approved Tips to Help Kids Be Better Students
Since Adler's era, there have been more than 1,000 scholarly articles and many books published on the topic. The result of such intense interest is that today, the idea of birth-order-influenced traits has become codified – almost like one's zodiac sign. At the same time, because people believe so strongly in the significance of birth order, they impose stereotypes on their children, which become self-fulfilling. The eldest is pushed to be a high achiever, the youngest is babied, and so on.
A 2012 review looked at 200 studies on the topic and found that certain themes did emerge in defining the characteristics of people depending on when they were born. According to their tabulation of the data:
First-born children are often highly motivated, Type A personalities who are vulnerable to stress. They are the most conformist*) and influenced by authority. *) conformist = One who mindlessly or intentionally follows certain standards for social purposes, we're all conformists to an extent.
Middle children are sociable and least prone to "acting out." They can also exhibit feelings of being an outsider.
Youngest children show the highest degree of sociability and empathy. They are also the most rebellious.
Only children have a strong need to achieve, are intelligent, and exhibit the most behavioral problems.
But, Whitbourne stresses that birth order is not destiny. She encourages parents to look at their own biases and nurture each of their individual children's strengths. That might mean letting your eldest child's grades slide on occasion and telling your youngest to turn off the TV and hit the books.
Click green for further info
Source: NATIONAL BUREAU OF ECONOMIC RESEARCH -
click The National Bureau of Economic Research A research organization dedicated to promoting a greater understanding of how the economy works.
___________________________________
====================================================================================================
Important for children's & teens' health & success
Doctors to parents: Limit kids’ tweets, texts, online time & keep smartphones, laptops out of bedrooms.
The recommendations are bound to prompt eye-rolling and LOLs from many teens but an influential pediatricians group says parents need to know that unrestricted media use can have serious consequences.
It’s been linked with violence, cyberbullying, school woes, obesity, lack of sleep and a host of other problems. It’s not a major cause of these troubles, but “many parents are clueless” about the profound impact media exposure can have on their children, said Dr. Victor Strasburger, lead author of the new American Academy of Pediatrics policy.
“This is the 21st century and they need to get with it,” said Strasburger, a University of New Mexico adolescent medicine specialist.
The policy is aimed at all kids, including those who use smartphones, computers and other Internet-connected devices.
It expands the academy’s longstanding recommendations on banning televisions from children’s and teens’ bedrooms and limiting entertainment screen time to no more than two hours daily.
Under the new policy, those two hours include using the Internet for entertainment, including Facebook, Twitter, TV and movies; online homework is an exception.
The policy statement cites a 2010 report that found U.S. children aged 8 to 18 spend an average of more than seven hours daily using some kind of entertainment media. Many kids now watch TV online and many send text messages from their bedrooms after “lights out,” including sexually explicit images by cellphone or Internet, yet few parents set rules about media use, the policy says.
“I guarantee you that if you have a 14-year-old boy and he has an Internet connection in his bedroom, he is looking at pornography,” Strasburger said.
The policy notes that three-quarters of kids aged 12 to 17 own cellphones; nearly all teens send text messages, and many younger kids have phones giving them online access.
“Young people now spend more time with media than they do in school — it is the leading activity for children and teenagers other than sleeping” the policy says.
Mark Risinger, 16, of Glenview, Ill., is allowed to use his smartphone and laptop in his room, and says he spends about four hours daily on the Internet doing homework, using Facebook and YouTube and watching movies.
He said a two-hour Internet time limit “would be catastrophic” and that kids won’t follow the advice, “they’ll just find a way to get around it.”
Strasburger said he realizes many kids will scoff at advice from pediatricians — or any adults.
“After all, they’re the experts! We’re media-Neanderthals to them,” he said. But he said he hopes it will lead to more limits from parents and schools, and more government research on the effects of media.
The policy was published online in the Journal Pediatrics. It comes two weeks after police arrested two Florida girls accused of bullying a classmate who committed suicide. Police say one of the girls recently boasted online about the bullying and the local sheriff questioned why the suspects’ parents hadn’t restricted their Internet use.
Mark’s mom, Amy Risinger, said she agrees with restricting kids’ time on social media but that deciding on other media limits should be up to parents.
“I think some children have a greater maturity level and you don’t need to be quite as strict with them,” said Risinger, who runs a communications consulting firm.
Her 12-year-old has sneaked a laptop into bed a few times and ended up groggy in the morning, “so that’s why the rules are now in place, that that device needs to be in mom and dad’s room before he goes to bed.”
Sara Gorr, a San Francisco sales director and mother of girls, ages 13 and 15, said she welcomes the academy’s recommendations.
Her girls weren’t allowed to watch the family’s lone TV until a few years ago. The younger one has a tablet, and the older one has a computer and smartphone, and they’re told not to use them after 9 p.m.
“There needs to be more awareness,” Gorr said. “Kids are getting way too much computer time. It’s bad for their socialization, it’s overstimulating, it’s numbing them.”
Source:
American Academy of Pediatrics - Journal Pediatrics:
click: American Academy of Pediatrics
click: Pediatrics (journal)
_____________________________________________
=============================================================================
=============================================================================
Article 1 of 2 (Article 2 next below)
Important info for every family
Rare birth defect on the rise
The proportion of babies born with a defect called
gastroschisis - which is a hole in the baby's abdomen -
has nearly doubled since 1995, according to a large new study
The cause of gastroschisis - which is a hole in the baby's abdomen*) - is unclear**), although it's known to be more likely in the children of teen mothers. A mother's exposure to certain chemicals has also been tied to the malformation, though not conclusively. *) abdomen = The part of the body that lies between the thorax and the pelvis and encloses the stomach, intestines, liver, spleen, and pancreas.
Above is stated: the cause is unclear: However, most likely the more and more polluted earth & the fact that most mothers-to-be consume food that is loaded with all types of chemicals- these chemicals have harmful effect on every human body. The wisest thing is to learn to eat cleaner, healthier, pure food, home made in your own kitchen.
STAF, Inc. has developed a new Healthy Lifestyle & Correct Nutrition - it has information for your healthier body.
Quotation: "If it was made by a plant eat it, if in a plant, don't"
Quotation: "Eat food, not too much, mostly fresh fruit & vegetables"
Quotation: "To stay healthy and have a long life is to eat what your body wants, not what you want"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc. CEO)
In the new study, researchers looked at rates of gastroschisis in millions of live births over an 11-year period in the U.S.
"We have a pattern where the prevalence is very much highest among young women and it's growing more rapidly among that group than any other group," said Russell Kirby, a professor at the University of South Florida and the lead author of the study.
Kirby's study could not explain why the birth defect is becoming more common, and gastroschisis itself is not well understood.
The malformation involves an opening next to the belly button, through which the baby's intestines protrude (= stick out).
Newborns with gastroschisis require immediate surgery to close the hole and put the organs back in place.
Most babies with gastroschisis survive, but Kirby said some children have problems with growth and development and there is not a lot of research about the long term outcomes for these kids.
By general estimates, the condition is relatively rare, with a rate of 2 to 3 cases per 10,000 live births in the U.S. But in recent years, studies have suggested the defect is being seen more often.
To get a better sense of how the numbers have changed over time, Kirby and his colleagues gathered birth defect monitoring data from 15 states.
They found that among 13.2 million births between 1995 and 2005, there were 4,713 babies born with gastroschisis, which translates to about 3.5 out of every 10,000 babies.
This number grew steadily over the study period, however, starting out at 2.3 out of every 10,000 babies in 1995 and climbing to 4.4 out of every 10,000 infants in 2005.
"I do believe the numbers," said James Robbins, a professor who studies birth defects at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences.
The increase in gastroschisis primarily affected mothers under age 25, and especially under age 20, whereas those who gave birth in their 30s had no change in their risk of having a baby with the birth defect.
Mothers who had their babies in their early twenties experienced a 5.8 percent increase each year in the risk of having a child born with gastroschisis, Kirby's group reported in the medical journal Obstetrics & Gynecology.
Among these mothers, the number of babies born with gastroschisis went from 4 out of every 10,000 babies in 1995 to 7 in 10,000 babies in 2005.
Teen mothers saw a 6.8 percent yearly increase in the proportion of babies born with gastroschisis.
In 1995, there were 8 babies with gastroschisis out of every 10,000 babies born to women under age 20. By 2005, that number was 15 out of every 10,000 babies.
The proportion of babies with gastroschisis born to Asian women and Native American women remained steady over the study period.
White, black and Hispanic mothers, however, experienced a roughly four to six percent increased risk each year of having a baby with the malformation.
Researchers have not identified what's behind these increases.
A previous study of women in Washington state found that exposure to the weed killer atrazine was tied to an increased risk of having a baby with gastroschisis, although it did not show that the chemical caused the malformation (see Reuters Health story of February 8, 2010 here:reut.rs/l9aVTl).
Robbins said that smoking is a considered a risk factor, but he doesn't think that's behind the pattern detected in this study.
"I don't think there's a clear explanation for why the rates are going up," said Robbins, who was not involved in the current research.
Kirby speculated that it's possible nutrition could have something to do with the trend, but more research is needed to figure it out.
"We know that there are influences of different vitamins and nutrients that definitely affect fetal development," he said.
But as far as their relation to gastroschisis, "that's just a suspicion."
Kirby's research team is currently following up to see how the numbers have changed since 2005.
Click green for further info
SOURCE: Click green: bit.ly/12xgYVu Obstetrics & Gynecology, August 2013
Article 2 of 2 next below
_______________________________________________________________
Article 2 of 2
Study Article 1 of 2 above
important info in both
Added details:
Gastroschisis
Gastroschisis is a birth defect in which an infant's intestines stick out of the body through a defect on one side of the umbilical cord.
See also: Gastroschisis repair
Causes
Gastroschisis is a type of hernia. Hernia means "rupture.” Babies with this condition have a hole in the abdominal wall. The child's intestines usually stick out (protrude) through the hole.
The condition looks similar to an omphalocele. An omphalocele, however, is a birth defect in which the infant's intestine or other abdominal organs stick out of the belly button area and are covered with a membrane.
Other related birth defects are rare in patients with gastroschisis.
Symptoms
Physical examination of the infant is enough for the health care provider to diagnose gastroschisis. The baby will have problems with movement and absorption in the gut, because the unprotected intestine is exposed to irritating amniotic fluid.
The mother may have shown signs of too much amniotic fluid (polyhydramnios). A prenatal ultrasound often identifies the gastroschisis.
Treatment
If gastroschisis is found before birth, the mother will need special monitoring to make sure her unborn baby remains healthy. Plans should be made for careful delivery and immediate management of the problem after birth.
Treatment for gastroschisis is surgery to repair the defect. A surgeon will put the bowel back into the abdomen and close the defect, if possible. If the abdominal cavity is too small, a mesh sack is stitched around the borders of the defect and the edges of the defect are pulled up. Over time, the herniated intestine falls back into the abdominal cavity, and the defect can be closed.
Other treatments for the baby include nutrients by IV and antibiotics to prevent infection. The baby's temperature must be carefully controlled, because the exposed intestine allows a lot of body heat to escape.
Outlook (Prognosis)
The child has a good chance of recovering if the abdominal cavity is large enough. A very small abdominal cavity may result in complications that require additional surgery.
Possible Complications
The misplaced abdominal contents can make it difficult for the baby to expand the lungs, leading to breathing problems.
Bowel death is another complication.
When to Contact a Medical Professional
This condition is apparent at birth and will be detected in the hospital at delivery. It may also be detected on routine fetal ultrasound exams. If you have given birth at home and your baby appears to have this defect, call the local emergency number (such as 911) immediately.
References
Ledbetter DJ. Gastroschisis and omphalocele. Surg Clin N Am. 2006;86:249-260.
Update Date: 11/7/2011Updated by: Neil K. Kaneshiro, MD, MHA, Clinical Assistant Professor of Pediatrics, University of Washington School of Medicine. Also reviewed by David Zieve, MD, MHA, Medical Director, A.D.A.M., Inc.
Click green for further info
Source: Article 2: Medicine Plus
Email this page to a friend Share on facebook Share on twitter Bookmark & Share Printer-friendly version
_________________________________________
Important info for every family
Rare birth defect on the rise
The proportion of babies born with a defect called
gastroschisis - which is a hole in the baby's abdomen -
has nearly doubled since 1995, according to a large new study
The cause of gastroschisis - which is a hole in the baby's abdomen*) - is unclear**), although it's known to be more likely in the children of teen mothers. A mother's exposure to certain chemicals has also been tied to the malformation, though not conclusively. *) abdomen = The part of the body that lies between the thorax and the pelvis and encloses the stomach, intestines, liver, spleen, and pancreas.
Above is stated: the cause is unclear: However, most likely the more and more polluted earth & the fact that most mothers-to-be consume food that is loaded with all types of chemicals- these chemicals have harmful effect on every human body. The wisest thing is to learn to eat cleaner, healthier, pure food, home made in your own kitchen.
STAF, Inc. has developed a new Healthy Lifestyle & Correct Nutrition - it has information for your healthier body.
Quotation: "If it was made by a plant eat it, if in a plant, don't"
Quotation: "Eat food, not too much, mostly fresh fruit & vegetables"
Quotation: "To stay healthy and have a long life is to eat what your body wants, not what you want"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc. CEO)
In the new study, researchers looked at rates of gastroschisis in millions of live births over an 11-year period in the U.S.
"We have a pattern where the prevalence is very much highest among young women and it's growing more rapidly among that group than any other group," said Russell Kirby, a professor at the University of South Florida and the lead author of the study.
Kirby's study could not explain why the birth defect is becoming more common, and gastroschisis itself is not well understood.
The malformation involves an opening next to the belly button, through which the baby's intestines protrude (= stick out).
Newborns with gastroschisis require immediate surgery to close the hole and put the organs back in place.
Most babies with gastroschisis survive, but Kirby said some children have problems with growth and development and there is not a lot of research about the long term outcomes for these kids.
By general estimates, the condition is relatively rare, with a rate of 2 to 3 cases per 10,000 live births in the U.S. But in recent years, studies have suggested the defect is being seen more often.
To get a better sense of how the numbers have changed over time, Kirby and his colleagues gathered birth defect monitoring data from 15 states.
They found that among 13.2 million births between 1995 and 2005, there were 4,713 babies born with gastroschisis, which translates to about 3.5 out of every 10,000 babies.
This number grew steadily over the study period, however, starting out at 2.3 out of every 10,000 babies in 1995 and climbing to 4.4 out of every 10,000 infants in 2005.
"I do believe the numbers," said James Robbins, a professor who studies birth defects at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences.
The increase in gastroschisis primarily affected mothers under age 25, and especially under age 20, whereas those who gave birth in their 30s had no change in their risk of having a baby with the birth defect.
Mothers who had their babies in their early twenties experienced a 5.8 percent increase each year in the risk of having a child born with gastroschisis, Kirby's group reported in the medical journal Obstetrics & Gynecology.
Among these mothers, the number of babies born with gastroschisis went from 4 out of every 10,000 babies in 1995 to 7 in 10,000 babies in 2005.
Teen mothers saw a 6.8 percent yearly increase in the proportion of babies born with gastroschisis.
In 1995, there were 8 babies with gastroschisis out of every 10,000 babies born to women under age 20. By 2005, that number was 15 out of every 10,000 babies.
The proportion of babies with gastroschisis born to Asian women and Native American women remained steady over the study period.
White, black and Hispanic mothers, however, experienced a roughly four to six percent increased risk each year of having a baby with the malformation.
Researchers have not identified what's behind these increases.
A previous study of women in Washington state found that exposure to the weed killer atrazine was tied to an increased risk of having a baby with gastroschisis, although it did not show that the chemical caused the malformation (see Reuters Health story of February 8, 2010 here:reut.rs/l9aVTl).
Robbins said that smoking is a considered a risk factor, but he doesn't think that's behind the pattern detected in this study.
"I don't think there's a clear explanation for why the rates are going up," said Robbins, who was not involved in the current research.
Kirby speculated that it's possible nutrition could have something to do with the trend, but more research is needed to figure it out.
"We know that there are influences of different vitamins and nutrients that definitely affect fetal development," he said.
But as far as their relation to gastroschisis, "that's just a suspicion."
Kirby's research team is currently following up to see how the numbers have changed since 2005.
Click green for further info
SOURCE: Click green: bit.ly/12xgYVu Obstetrics & Gynecology, August 2013
Article 2 of 2 next below
_______________________________________________________________
Article 2 of 2
Study Article 1 of 2 above
important info in both
Added details:
Gastroschisis
Gastroschisis is a birth defect in which an infant's intestines stick out of the body through a defect on one side of the umbilical cord.
See also: Gastroschisis repair
Causes
Gastroschisis is a type of hernia. Hernia means "rupture.” Babies with this condition have a hole in the abdominal wall. The child's intestines usually stick out (protrude) through the hole.
The condition looks similar to an omphalocele. An omphalocele, however, is a birth defect in which the infant's intestine or other abdominal organs stick out of the belly button area and are covered with a membrane.
Other related birth defects are rare in patients with gastroschisis.
Symptoms
- Lump in the abdomen
- Intestine sticks through the abdominal wall near the umbilical cord
Physical examination of the infant is enough for the health care provider to diagnose gastroschisis. The baby will have problems with movement and absorption in the gut, because the unprotected intestine is exposed to irritating amniotic fluid.
The mother may have shown signs of too much amniotic fluid (polyhydramnios). A prenatal ultrasound often identifies the gastroschisis.
Treatment
If gastroschisis is found before birth, the mother will need special monitoring to make sure her unborn baby remains healthy. Plans should be made for careful delivery and immediate management of the problem after birth.
Treatment for gastroschisis is surgery to repair the defect. A surgeon will put the bowel back into the abdomen and close the defect, if possible. If the abdominal cavity is too small, a mesh sack is stitched around the borders of the defect and the edges of the defect are pulled up. Over time, the herniated intestine falls back into the abdominal cavity, and the defect can be closed.
Other treatments for the baby include nutrients by IV and antibiotics to prevent infection. The baby's temperature must be carefully controlled, because the exposed intestine allows a lot of body heat to escape.
Outlook (Prognosis)
The child has a good chance of recovering if the abdominal cavity is large enough. A very small abdominal cavity may result in complications that require additional surgery.
Possible Complications
The misplaced abdominal contents can make it difficult for the baby to expand the lungs, leading to breathing problems.
Bowel death is another complication.
When to Contact a Medical Professional
This condition is apparent at birth and will be detected in the hospital at delivery. It may also be detected on routine fetal ultrasound exams. If you have given birth at home and your baby appears to have this defect, call the local emergency number (such as 911) immediately.
References
Ledbetter DJ. Gastroschisis and omphalocele. Surg Clin N Am. 2006;86:249-260.
Update Date: 11/7/2011Updated by: Neil K. Kaneshiro, MD, MHA, Clinical Assistant Professor of Pediatrics, University of Washington School of Medicine. Also reviewed by David Zieve, MD, MHA, Medical Director, A.D.A.M., Inc.
Click green for further info
Source: Article 2: Medicine Plus
Email this page to a friend Share on facebook Share on twitter Bookmark & Share Printer-friendly version
_________________________________________
Breast Milk
Is Good for the Baby's Brain, Scans Show
Researchers using magnetic resonance imaging have added to the evidence that breast-feeding leads to increased rates of brain development in infants
The study, published online in Neuro Image, found that compared with babies who received formula, breast-fed infants had increased development in white matter regions of the brain, including areas associated with planning, social and emotional functioning, motor ability and language. The differences were linked to better performance on tests of motor development and visual acuity.
The scientists studied 133 healthy children ages 10 months through 4 years in three groups: exclusively breast-fed, exclusively formula-fed, and those fed a combination of formula and breast milk. All had uncomplicated healthy births, with no neurological disorders or family history of psychiatric disorders. The groups were matched for maternal education and socioeconomic status, birth weight, length of gestation and maternal age. The more breast milk and the less formula the babies had, the greater the increases.
“I’m not saying if you didn’t breast-feed, you’re doomed,” said the lead author, Sean C. L. Deoni, an assistant professor of engineering at Brown University. “We couldn’t control for things like how much interaction a kid has with his parents, what kind of learning environment he lives in, and so on. There are a lot of factors that go into making
a successful adult.”
Click green for further info
Source: online Neuro Image
____________________________________________
Tooth decay can begin
as soon as your baby's first tooth appears
Take these steps:
(1) Brush your child's teeth twice a day as soon as the first tooth comes out
(2) Brush with fluoridated toothpaste for children age 2 and older
(3) Assist and supervise children until they can brush well on their own
The root of tooth decay may be time spent with the sippy cup
Word origin: to sip = to drink (a liquid) a little at a time; take small tastes of
sippy cup = a cup that has a detachable lid with a projecting hole designed to help a young child sip liquid from the cup without spilling it.
Another definition:
The sippy cup is a spill-proof drinking cup designed for toddlers. It works by way of surface tension that prevents liquid from being spilled even when the cup is upended. The critical element is the sippy top being firmly in place on top of the cup, preventing spills. The sippy cup was invented by Richard Belanger, who licensed the design to Playtex.[1]
click for pictures: sippy cups, toddler feeding, feeding, baby : Target
When juice, soda or milk stay on your child's teeth too long, the sugar in these drinks can cause tooth decay.
Take these steps:
(1) Offer plain water (lukewarm) - it has no sugar
(2) Always avoid putting sugary drinks in sippy cups or bottles
(3) Help your child drink from regular cup by age one
For additional info:
(1) Visit from anywhere: nyc-gov and search for "teeth"
(2) In New York call free 311 for info by phone
(3) Study the links below - all of them
Click green for further info:
- Tooth Decay - Causes, Symptoms, and Treatments - WebMD www.webmd.com/oral-health/tc/tooth-decay-topic-overview
Tooth decay is the process that results in a cavity (dental caries). It occurs when bacteria in your mouth make acids that eat away at a tooth. - Dental caries - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediahttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dental_caries
Dental caries, also known as tooth decay or a cavity, is an infection, bacterial in origin, that causes demineralization and destruction of the hard tissues (enamel, ...Signs and symptoms - Causes - Pathophysiology - Diagnosis - Cavities/tooth decay - MayoClinic.comwww.mayoclinic.com/health/cavities/DS00896
Cavities — Comprehensive overview covers symptoms, treatment and prevention of toothache pain and tooth decay. - Tooth Decay (Dental Caries) - YouTube
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oIlv59bTL4
Jun 17, 2009 - Uploaded by KenLambrecht
This animation illustrates pit & fissure and interproximal tooth decay, and how to avoid getting them. It uses ... - More videos for tooth decay »
- Tooth Decay: MedlinePlus www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/toothdecay.html
You call it a cavity. Your dentist calls it tooth decay or dental caries. They're all names for a hole in your tooth. The cause of tooth decay is plaque, a sticky ... - NIH Fact Sheets - Tooth Decayreport.nih.gov/NIHfactsheets/ViewFactSheet.aspx?csid=129
Tooth decay, known formally as dental caries, has been a serious health problem for all nations since time immemorial. For centuries, tooth decay was thought to ...
Adopting Children
___________________________
Article 1 of 3 Articles 2 & 3 next below
What You Need to Know Before Adopting
Source: Dr. Jennifer Trachtenberg—or Dr. Jen—is RealAge's pediatric expert and the author of The Smart Parent's Guide to Getting Your Kids Through Checkups, Illnesses, and Accidents and Good Kids, Bad Habits: The RealAge Guide to Raising Healthy Children. Get more of her advice at RealAge.com.
The number of families adopting has almost doubled. If you're even thinking about joining this amazing club—or if someone you love is—know this: While the legal part can be daunting, once it's over, it's over. But unsuspected medical issues can affect your adopted child for a lifetime. Pediatrician Jennifer Trachtenberg, MD, RealAge's children's health expert, explains what it's critical to find out.
You need to go into adoption with your eyes wide open and gather every shred of health information you can about the tiny new person you hope to bring home.
No matter where you adopt—whether domestically or abroad—you will encounter unexpected health issues. For starters, the biological mothers of adopted children don't always get good prenatal care or know much about their own family's medical history. Medical or emotional issues can pop up at any age. Still, having a newborn health history is helpful. When a baby is adopted from overseas, you may have nothing more to go on than a video or picture.
And adopted children aren't returnable, at least not without heartbreak. Who will ever forget the disturbing story of Torry Hansen, the Tennessee mother who sent her 7-year-old adopted son back to Russia alone, with a note saying she didn't want him because he was mentally unstable. Because of that incident, Russian officials threatened to halt all adoptions to the United States.
You need to track down whatever background information you can find so that if a health issue comes up, you can help your pediatrician diagnose and treat it quickly.
6 Tips to Close the Adoption Information Gap
Be Honest with Yourself
Go in knowing that children from other countries often have health and developmental delays, probably due to a lack of toys and stimulation, minimal time with their caretakers or even trouble connecting emotionally with staff members who wear surgical masks to prevent the spread of disease. That said, I remind parents that the likelihood of a child having learning disabilities or other health issues is similar whether adopting abroad or in the United States.
Learn the Lingo
I've seen the language vary from state to state and by country.
(1) A baby described as having "developmental delays" may have mild to moderate mental retardation.
(2) A child described as "active and needs a lot of attention" may have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
(3) "Specials needs" may mean there are serious health issues or that the child has an older sibling and they must be adopted together.
Ask Everyone Questions
Not just the agency head. Hang around and ask the everyday foster care or orphanage workers if they've noticed any differences between the child you're hoping for and others who are waiting to be adopted. Do they know anything about the mother or her family? Ask whether the mother had any history of alcohol abuse, which could cause fetal alcohol syndrome? Get a photo so your doctor can detect subtle features that may signal problems.
Get Tests
Insist that the baby you plan to adopt at least has a simple newborn screen of blood tests, which spot 40 inherited rare diseases and everything from anemia to hepatitis to syphilis and tuberculosis. This is a requirement in the United States.
Bring an Expert
This can be especially helpful in deciphering medical terms in foreign adoptions. The American Academy of Pediatricians (AAP) has a directory of pediatricians who have a special interest in adoption. Many of them perform pre-adoption and post-adoption exams.
Embrace the Positive
Realize that most adopted children develop beautifully and make amazing progress once they get good nutrition, medical care and (of course) your attention and love.
Yes, That's My Baby! But Why Am I So Sad?
Can an adoptive parent get baby-blues also?
There's a name for what you're feeling. It's called Post Adoption Depression Syndrome, or PADS, and it's common.
In fact, it happens about half the time. Feeling depressed is a normal reaction to stress, and the whole adoption process provides plenty of that, and not just for parents. Adopted children often grieve over the loss of their caretakers. Bonding takes time. So don't expect perfection from yourself or the situation.
- Postpartum depression (PPD) is the most common problem associated with childbirth.
- PPD is characterized by depression that a woman experiences within four weeks of childbirth.
- PPD can affect as many as 10% of new fathers.
If either parent has to return to work quickly, make extra allowances there, too. Juggling new parenthood with a job and not being there full time also ups the stress. Talking to other adoptive parents often helps. But if the sadness doesn't go away, see a healthcare professional.
Whether natural parents or adoptive parents the title list next below gives further details
Postpartum Depression
Click green title for further info:
- Postpartum depression facts
- What is postpartum depression? Are there different types of postpartum depression?
- What are causes and risk factors for postpartum depression?
- What are postpartum depression symptoms and signs?
- How is postpartum depression diagnosed?
- What are the treatments for postpartum depression?
- What is the prognosis of postpartum depression?
- Can postpartum depression be prevented?
- Where can people get more information about postpartum depression?
- Where can people get support for postpartum depression?
- What research is being done on postpartum depression?
Keep Reading:
Inside an adoption of a Haitian orphan
Click green for further info
Article 2 next below
_____________________________________________
Article 2 of 3 Article 1 is next above
8 Things Never to Say to an Adopted Child
Willa and Josey are her daughters; they're from China, and they're her heart, her soul, her life. Any other questions? Unfortunately, yes.
There's no story my daughter and I love more than how we became a family through adoption. My 9-year-old, Willa, asks me to recite the details over and over again. Josey, my 4-year old, listens intently to her story and makes me go back and start over if I leave anything out. Willa is so amused by a certain part of her story that she once asked me to come to her kindergarten classroom to tell it: how her father, Steve, and I, about to meet her for the very first time, found ourselves racing around our tiny hotel room in Nanchang, China, trying on and taking off some combination of the three outfits we had each brought along. We'd look at ourselves in the mirror, nod disapproval at our reflection, and bump into each other racing back to the closet for a more suitable option.
"I look like I'm going out dancing!" my husband said.
"All I have is black pants," I moaned. "Kids like color!"
"Just wear a bright top," my husband said. "Do you think she'll notice I'm losing my hair?"
"You look great," I replied, perkily applying lipstick from the credit card–size makeup palette I had packed in lieu of my normal arsenal of beauty supplies. "Oh, damn it!" I said.
My husband looked at me and burst out laughing. "Honey, your lips are blue."
"I put eyeshadow on them!"
"You're just nervous!"
"Well, obviously I'm nervous!" I said, scrubbing my mouth with soap and water. I looked over at my husband, who had finished shaving with a trembling hand and was now applying tissue to the multiple bloody nicks he'd inflicted upon himself. "And you cannot meet our daughter with toilet paper all over your face!"
Our costume drama served to distract us from the enormous affect welling in our throats. We had spent a solid year and a half preparing to become Willa's parents—months of paperwork, shopping for every imaginable baby item, getting fingerprinted to prove we weren't wanted criminals, and a lot of staring at the ceiling at 3 A.M., wondering if the little baby daughter we called Willa, whom we already madly loved but knew only from a health report and two black-and-white photographs, was safe and sound. One of the very last bits of advice our adoption agency gave us as we set out on our 18-hour plane trip to China was, "No matter what, when you meet your child, do not cry. You'll scare your daughter if you cry." So here we were, doing everything possible to keep our minds off the emotion beating like a tom-tom in our chests.
When the phone rang and Mrs. Chen, head of Willa's children's home, told us our baby daughter was waiting in a hospitality suite, we held each other for 20 quiet seconds, then screamed for joy, jumped up and down on the bed on the way to the door, and ran for the elevator. We knew it was the best day of our lives so far, and when Willa hears her story, she knows it, too. "Tell the part again where Daddy had toilet paper on his face! Tell the part where you jumped on the bed and almost broke it! Tell the part where you looked into my eyes and felt like you had known me forever, and you reached for me and held me, and I pointed to my nose because I was sick and I wanted you to know. Tell the part where you were afraid that you were going to cry but then you didn't because you were too happy."
Ours is the remarkable story of how two luminous girls born across the world in the southern portion of rural China became our daughters. But it's also our private story, our own family history, and sometimes we choose to share parts of it and sometimes we don't. So if you approach me in public and I don't want to discuss personal details of my daughters' lives, I hope you'll understand.
Interracial adoption becomes a public event because it's obvious: My children are racially Chinese; my husband and I are not. Sometimes people stare at us, sometimes they smile, and sometimes—when we're with our children—people ask us questions they would be unlikely to ask any other parent.
The staring part I understand. In my early 20s, I often stared at what I thought to be interracial adoptive families. I would want to follow them. I can't explain why, except that imagining myself in a family like theirs made some kind of bone-deep sense to me. Sometimes they would catch me staring, and I would smile warmly in an effort to convey my support. Now I realize that they didn't need my approval, or my enthusiastic smile. What they needed was for me not to notice, or at least not to make a big deal out of noticing. The thing I didn't understand at the time is that frequently what interracially adopted kids and their families long for is privacy: just to be treated like any other human being whose history the public doesn't assume it knows or assume it has the right to know.
The first time I was approached by a curious stranger was in Babies "R" Us. I was looking for a teething ring for Willa. "Where'd you get her?" a voice said, and I turned to find a woman staring at my daughter sitting serenely in her stroller.
I was startled. "Excuse me?"
"Where'd you get the baby?"
"Oh," I said. I touched my daughter's foot. "You mean where was she born?"
"Yes," she said. "Where's she from?"
"She was born in China."
"I thought so—so cute. Do you mind my asking how much she cost you?" I mumbled something like the name of my adoption agency and pushed the stroller in the opposite direction. Luckily, Willa didn't comprehend this exchange, but she's 9 now, extremely alert, and, like all of us, never more so than when someone asks intimate questions about her or her sister. She has also absorbed some of the negative theories people have about adoption. A few weeks ago, having lunch, she looked at me and casually asked, "Did you buy me and Josey?" I took a deep breath.
"Why are you asking that?"
"Because that's how you got us, right?"
"Did somebody at school ask you if you were bought?"
Willa wriggled in her chair. "I don't remember."
"Willa, adopting you—getting you and Josey—required a long list of things to do, and part of that was to pay a fee to the adoption agency for the work they did to make it possible to bring you and Josey into our family. But there's almost always the exchange of money when children come into a family."
"How?"
"It can cost a lot of money to have a baby in a hospital, or even at home with a midwife. And there are also other tests and things moms and dads have to pay for before the baby comes. Sometimes parents have trouble making a baby, and they have to pay the doctors a ton of money to help them, and on top of that they still have to pay a big hospital bill." Willa got out of her chair and sat on my lap. "So if anybody ever does ask you that question, you can tell them it always costs money to make a family. And really, Willa, kids who ask things like that are just misinformed and have to be educated. I'm sorry you have to be their teacher. It must get exhausting."
"It's a little tiring," Willa said. "But not so bad."
Since that initial Babies "R" Us incident, I've learned to handle strangers' questions with a breeziness and body language that usually informs the stranger that I'm uncomfortable answering personal questions about my kids, but simultaneously reassures my girls that I'm proud of how we became a family. Sometimes it works better than others. Recently, at the airport waiting for a flight, I noticed a woman staring and smiling at my children. After a while she came over and told me how beautiful my girls were. She asked, "Is their father Chinese?"
"Their biological father is Chinese," I said, "but their daddy is German and Russian."
"Do they speak English?"
Willa sighed loudly and slapped the page of her book. I think the slap was meant to draw the woman's attention to the English words that were clearly written across the page. "Of course," I said.
"How long have you had them?"
"We've been a family for a long time," I answered and turned my back to her.
"Did you get them through an agency?"
I turned back around and looked into her eyes. "Why do you ask?"
"Just curious," she said. "I think what you've done for those children is so great. They're so lucky."
I gathered up our bags. "What I've done for my children is minor compared with the joy they've given me. Come on, girls, we have to use the restroom."
"We just used the restroom," Willa complained, then shut her book, zipped up her backpack, and rolled her eyes.
"You're one lucky little girl," the woman said to Willa. "I hope you know it."
"No," I said, "I am one lucky mama." I guided my girls to another section of the gate.
"Why are people so nosy?" Willa fumed.
"Sometimes rudeness, sometimes racism, sometimes ignorance—there are a lot of reasons, but mainly it's because our family is interracial and that makes people notice us and want to know all about us."
"It's annoying!" Willa said, stomping her feet.
"I know it is," I said, and took Willa's hand. "It's the downside of being so interesting."
"I'd rather be boring."
"Sometimes I'd rather be boring, too, but I wouldn't want to change a single thing about us, so for now, or until the world gets its act together, we're stuck with being fascinating."
Most likely, no one who has approached my family and asked us personal questions has meant any harm, but they do assume that an adopted child's background is available for public discussion, and not subject to the same sensitivity or restraint due any child. My girls are not immune to the self-consciousness all children feel being scrutinized. The best expression of support for my family is to respect our differences by not calling attention to them. There are many adoption agencies and adoption Web sites with tons of information. Unless you are a friend or relative of an adoptive family, it's best to look there for answers.
Someday, I hope, we'll live in a world where racial or sexual or familial differences don't matter because we'll have achieved the understanding that one kind, or one way, is not necessarily better than another. As for now, I fear we routinely call unneeded attention to these differences. For example, why are Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise's kids described as their "adopted kids"? Why aren't they just identified as "their kids"? Or why did the press write that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were expecting their first child when they already have a son and a daughter? What's next? "Angelina and Brad's biologically born child joins their adopted son and adopted daughter." Or "So-and-so's donor-egg-born son joins their gestationally carried, IVF-born daughter." We don't refer to how biological children become a part of their families, so why do we point out adoption?
There are exceptions. A few weeks ago, Willa was a flower girl in my sister's wedding. At the beauty parlor where the bridal party was having their hair done, I introduced Willa to the hairdresser. She looked at my daughter and said, "Hey, Willa, are you adopted?"
Willa answered, "Yes, from China."
I touched Willa's shoulder protectively to remind her that, if needed, I was there to help navigate the encounter.
"So am I," beamed the hairdresser. "Isn't adoption the coolest?"
Willa looked at me and smiled. "Yep. It's totally cool."
Sourcce: Elizabeth Cuthrell is a screenwriter and producer living in New York City
________________________________________________________________
Article 3 of 3 Articles 2 & 1 next above
Taking a Larger View of Chinese Adoptions
You may have seen recent commentary, reporting and personal stories about adopting infants from China. Most of these stories seem to be cast in negative terms: false documents, babies for sale and shady origins of these adopted or soon-to-be-adopted babies.
But what's the reason there are so many Chinese adoptions taking place? Futurist David Houle investigates how government policies can change the course of history.
As a futurist, I typically do not delve into human interest stories; instead, I look to see the larger forces and dynamics that course through the rapid-fire media environment in which we live. This column will take a nonjudgmental look at the forces—some intended, some unintended—that are behind the huge volume of Chinese children being adopted by American families.
With a population of 1.3 billion, China is the most populous country in the world. This is more than four times the population of the U.S. The Chinese government, in its various iterations over the past four decades, realized that slowing the population growth of the country was absolutely essential in avoiding mass starvation and cataclysmic poverty. In a policy announced in 1979, the Chinese government made public its new population policy of allowing each couple to have only one child.
The statistical replacement rate for any country is 2.1 children per couple. This means that a population will remain level if each couple averages 2.1 children. The Chinese policy meant that the long-term goal of the government was to slow population growth and actually shrink the total population.
Now, in a world where there are 6.8 billion humans on the planet, this is an intelligent policy in terms of human well-being. To put this number in perspective, on the day I was born, there were 2.45 billion people alive on the planet. In my lifetime, the population of the planet has increased by 4.35 billion! Thousands of people die every day from starvation-related health ailments.
"One child per couple" has produced the Chinese government's desired results. In 1971, a Chinese woman had an average of 5.4 children. By 2004, that number had dropped to an estimated 1.7 (meaning, among other things, there obviously was not universal enforcement of the law). Between 1980 and 2010, China's population increased by 340 million. Between 2010 and 2040, it is expected that China's population will increase by about 120 million—a drop in population growth of almost 66 percent.
This policy's statistical aims run into China's deeply embedded and centuries-old social morality and cultural belief system. Simply put, having a son was better than have a daughter. Before 1979, if a couple had a daughter, they immediately set out to—they hoped—conceive a son. The 2000 Chinese census showed there were close to 120 boys born for every 100 girls. This contrasts sharply with the global average of about 105 boys born for every 100 girls. Something was going on to create this skewed number—and the answers are not all pleasant.
Chinese couples often had gender-based abortions when they found out the fetus was a female. The Chinese government outlawed gender-based abortions in 2004. This leads back to the subject of this column. When Chinese couples had a baby girl, they very frequently put it up for adoption immediately, gave it to an adoption agency or, more darkly, sold the baby girl on the black market so they could go back to the business of trying to make their single child a son.
This decision, made millions of times, is why there is an overwhelming number of adoptions of baby girls in China. It is these dynamics that have led to all the dark and questioning stories around the adoption of Chinese infants. Currently, China is the only country in the world that has a ratio greater than 1.06 of boys to girls under the age of 15. The only country!
This creates a national dynamic that is potentially very disruptive. There is now a full generation of men in China who have little or no chance of finding a spouse. If the ratio of young men to young women is 120 to 100, those 20 more men might never find wives. Imagine if there were 20 percent more men than women in the 15-35 age group in the U.S. What social disruptions might occur? It is chilling to think about this. Of course, some of you women are thinking that the dating and mating scene would be wonderful.
When several horrific knife attacks on school children in spring 2010 occurred, I was struck by one fact: All the attackers were single men. Did they do this out of total depressed anguish that they would never become fathers? Did they lash out due to anger and self-pity? There is not enough data to conclude it, but it certainly should be considered.
I know this is a slightly darker and less personal column than usual. However, sometimes it's worth looking at the big picture, the macro trends that create the personal stories we read about or experience.
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Source: David Houle is an award-winning futurist and strategist who has launched successful brands and is an in-demand speaker about the future. He writes the popular futurist blog Evolution Shift and lives his life slightly ahead of the curve.
________________________________________
70 million dogs and 74 million cats are kept as pets in the U.S.
Dogs are good for the heart,
for the family peace &
for your overall health
_______________
A dog looks at its owner and thinks
"You feed me, you give me water, you give me shelter. You must be a god!"
A cat looks at its owner and thinks
"You feed me, you give me water, you give me shelter. I must be a god!"
_______________
The American Heart Association (AHA) has declared that pets, especially dogs, are good for a person's heart.
Further proof that dogs are among the best friends a person could have.
Dr. Glenn N. Levine, director of Baylor University's cardiac care unit, was quoted in a press release from the AHA saying, "Pet ownership, particularly dog ownership, is probably associated with a decreased risk of heart disease."
The AHA writes that owning a dog "may help reduce cardiovascular risk," perhaps due to dogs bugging their owners into taking them for walks on a regular basis. Dog owners were, according to the AHA's studies, 54 percent more likely than non-dog owners to get the suggested amount of exercise.
And the benefits don't stop there. The AHA writes that owning a pet in general "may be associated with lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels" as well as a lower rate of obesity. Pets can also help a person cope with stressful situations. Last month, a team of therapy dogs traveled to Boston to help the victims of the bombings.
Via heart.org:
"In essence, data suggest that there probably is an association between pet ownership and decreased cardiovascular risk,” Levine said. “What’s less clear is whether the act of adopting or acquiring a pet could lead to a reduction in cardiovascular risk in those with pre-existing disease. Further research, including better quality studies, is needed to more definitively answer this question."
In an interview with The New York Times, Levine said, "We didn’t want to make this too strong of a statement. But there are plausible psychological, sociological and physiological reasons to believe that pet ownership might actually have a causal role in decreasing cardiovascular risk."
Good news, no doubt. But one shouldn't expect a dog to offset unhealthy lifestyle choices. "If someone adopts a pet, but still sits on the couch and smokes and eats whatever they want and doesn’t control their blood pressure, that’s not a prudent strategy to decrease their cardiovascular risk," Levine told the Times.
The Times reports that 70 million dogs and 74 million cats are kept as pets in the U.S.
Click green for further info
Source: The American Heart Association (AHA)
___________________________________________________________
Psychiatric Treatments May Change Personality
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Some doctors balk at the idea of trying to change a patient's personality, but a new study suggests that they're doing it already.
The results show that talk therapy or psychiatric medications can change personality in healthy people and those with psychological disorders. What's more, changes can be relativity rapid, occurring over a four- to seven-month period, and long-lasting, continuing years after therapy, according to the study.
Most mental health professionals don't think about psychiatric treatments as a means of changing personality — they view treatments as a way to change behavior, said study researcher Brent Roberts, a professor of psychology at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.*)
*) = click: University of Illinois at Urbana–Champaign - Wikipedia
The findings are provocative, the researchers say, because for a long time, psychologists thought personality traits were static. While some recent research suggests that personality traits can change over time, most had assumed this change was difficult and incremental — not a quick process.
A lot of people get upset by the idea of changing personality because "they feel like you're screwing with somebody's intrinsic*) nature," Roberts said. But, "We're already changing [patient's] personality traits, whether we like it or not." *) = belonging naturally; essential
The findings present a new way of looking at how psychiatric therapies work, and raise the question of whether interventions should more directly target personality. Personality traits affect many different areas of life — including relationships, and school and work success —although their consequences often go unnoticed, Roberts said.
"We know that people who are less anxious and more conscientiousness do better in school and the labor market," Roberts said. Perhaps by doing an intervention on young people, to make them more conscientiousness**), "you may make them more successful in their jobs at 40," he said.
**) Conscientiousness is the state of being thorough, careful, or vigilant; it implies a desire to do a task well.[1] Conscientiousness is also one trait of the five-factor model of personality, and is manifested in characteristic behaviors such as being efficient, organized, neat, and systematic.[2] It includes such elements as self-discipline, carefulness, thoroughness, self-organization, deliberation (the tendency to think carefully before acting), and need for achievement. It is an aspect of what has traditionally been called character. Conscientious individuals are generally hard working and reliable. When taken to an extreme, they may also be "workaholics", perfectionists, and compulsive in their behavior. People who score low on conscientiousness tend to be more laid-back, less goal-oriented, and less driven by success; they also are more likely engage in antisocial and criminal behavior.
More... Click: Conscientiousness - Wikipedia
Unintentional personality change
In the study, Roberts and colleagues reviewed 144 studies involving more than 15,000 people. The studies all employed some type of intervention — such as talk therapy, antidepressant medications, meditation, or cognitive training — and an assessment of personality traits. But none intentionally tried to change personality.
There was a significant change in the personalities of people who underwent interventions, compared with people in control groups in the studies, who did not, the researchers found. The biggest changes were seen in people with psychiatric disorders, such as depression and anxiety. But even healthy people had personality changes, most noticeably if they took medication, Roberts said.
The personality traits that changed the most were neuroticism, a tendency to experience negative emotions such as anxiety and depressed mood; and extroversion, a tendency to be sociable, outgoing and experience more positive emotions.
In some ways, it is not surprising these treatments would change personality because there is overlap between personality traits and mental disorders. For instance, a lot of the characteristics of the trait of neuroticism can be symptoms of depression, said Thomas F. Oltmanns, a psychologist at Washington University in St. Louis, Mo.
Early results from Roberts' study were presented last month at the Association for Psychological Science meeting in Washington D.C. The study has not yet been published in a peer-reviewed journal.
Personality and health
Doctors who treat physical health conditions might also want to think more critically about the role of personality, Oltmanns said. Unhealthy habits, such as smoking, drinking, physical inactivity and overeating, are related to personality traits, he said.
Some studies show that when people quit smoking, they also exercise more and lose weight, Roberts said, indicating that an aspect of their personality may have changed and affected multiple behaviors. Studies also suggest that weight gain is linked with personality change.
While psychiatric treatments may improve neuroticism, more research is needed to understand how to improve other personality traits, such as conscientiousness, that may have an effect on health, Roberts said.
More research needed
However, before researchers know for sure how much personality change can improve lives, they need to get better at measuring people's personalities and behaviors, experts say.
"I think understanding personality, personality change and personality stability is crucial for the mental health field, yet do not think we are at a point to make prescriptions on what clients or clinicians should be doing yet," said Christopher Nave at psychologist at Rutgers University in New Jersey.
Some studies suggest that problems with assessing personality may have led to an overestimation of how much personality really changes over time.
"An anecdote would be that you never hear someone say it was a lot easier to change [their] partner/spouse's personality than they initially thought," Nave said.
Other studies show that, when researchers examine people's own reports of their personality traits, the traits improve over time, but if researchers examine their spouses' reports, the traits get worse, Oltmanns said. So including partners' reports as well as self-reports in personality trait assessment may help doctors better understand the role personality plays in different aspects of life, Oltmanns said.
Nave said researchers are also not very good at measuring behavior outside of a laboratory. "To make a determination of whether clinicians can focus more on changing personality versus behavior requires a more systematic examination of what people actually do," Nave said.
Source: NYT
Click green fort further info - if the link has expired search the web with the title
- 5 Controversial Mental Health Treatments
- 7 Ways the Mind and Body Change With Age
- 10 Easy Paths to Self Destruction ____________________________________________________
Breadwinning Wives
and Nervous Husbands
PART ONE
- this article has three parts, parts two & three below
Click green for further info
By RICHARD H. THALER - a professor of economics and behavioral science at the Booth School of Business at the University of Chicago
GIRLS are generally outperforming boys in high school, and then proceeding in greater numbers to attend and graduate from college. And as women take the helm as chief executives of more major corporations, including Hewlett-Packard, I.B.M. and PepsiCo, there are hints that the glass ceiling may be at least cracking, if not breaking.
Such developments should encourage aspiring young women to believe that social norms are changing, and that barriers to success are dropping. But a new study reveals that women’s gains on the economic front may be contributing to a decline in the formation and stability of marriages.
One reason for this decline may be that women with greater earning power have greater economic security that allows them to leave bad marriages. Yet another possibility is that many men seem to be clinging to a social norm from the “Mad Men” days: that the husband should be the primary earner in a family.
There is an obvious disconnect here. Those men who spent their teenage years goofing off and their college years drinking beer shouldn’t be surprised that women who consistently received higher grades and continued further in school might now be earning more money as well. But the evidence suggests that while men tend to applaud their spouses when they help to bring home the bacon, husbands aren’t always as enthusiastic when women start bringing home the filet mignon. And it’s especially troubling that these old-fashioned social norms about gender identity appear to be adversely affecting family formation and stability.
This is the finding of an interesting new paper by Marianne Bertrand, Emir Kamenica and Jessica Pan, three economists who are colleagues of mine at the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business. They found that traditional views of gender identity, particularly the view that the right and proper role of the husband is to make more money than the wife, are affecting choices of whom to marry, how much to work, and even whether to stay married.
Suppose that both men and women are happier — all else being equal — the more money their spouse makes. In such a world, couples wouldn’t care whether the man or woman earns more, so the population of couples would have what we call a “normal distribution,” and would be captured in a bell-shaped curve. But that’s not what we see in the real-world data.
Instead, there is a sharp drop in the number of male-female couples at exactly the point where the woman starts to earn more than half of household income.
This finding supports earlier research from speed-dating sessions, which found that while women prefer men to be intelligent and ambitious, men have these preferences for women only to the point where women threaten to earn more than they do. These preferences appear to be reflected in whom people choose to marry and in how much women choose to work outside the home.
Women’s earnings have been rising relative to men’s over the past 40 years — though, on average, women’s pay still lags behind. One sign of change is seen in a recent study from Pew Research, which finds that mothers are providing more than half the income in 15 percent of married households with children at home, up from 3.5 percent in 1960. Given such trends, it’s logical that problems would arise if men kept their desire to be the primary breadwinners.
This may be one of many reasons that the share of young adults in marriages decreased 30 to 50 percent across various racial and ethnic groups from 1970 to 2008. Clearly, a choice to marry later in life explains part of this decline, but Ms. Bertrand and her co-authors estimate that the trend in the percentage of women making more than men explains almost one-fourth of the marriage rate’s decline in the 40 years ended in 2010.
What happens when a man marries a woman who has the education and skills to earn more than him? The couple can avoid violating the “man earns more” social norm if the woman works part time or leaves the labor force altogether. The authors found evidence of both choices. But what if the woman stays in the labor force and does earn more than her spouse? How does this affect the marriage? The findings here are striking. In such couples, surveys show, both wife and husband generally report being less happy about the marriage.
Given these findings, it isn’t surprising that when a wife earns more than her husband, the risk of divorce rises, too. To study this, the authors used a survey conducted in two waves, 1987-88 and 1992-93. (There were no more recent data available for this particular test.) Then they investigated the likelihood of a divorce in the five-year interval. For this sample, some 12 percent of all couples were divorced during this period — a sobering fact about the stability of marriages in general. But the divorce rate rose by half, to about 18 percent, for couples in which the wife earned more than the husband.
How to explain the jump? Some people might think that a wife who earns more will do fewer household chores than her tradition-bound mate expects. Regardless of your opinion about men who harbor such feelings, the facts rule out that explanation: women who earn more than their husbands actually do a greater share of household chores, compared with couples in which the wife works but earns less.
The paper’s findings support the anecdotal complaints of many highly educated, high-earning women who say they can’t find suitable husbands. And as women continue to outperform men in school, these problems are likely to grow. Perhaps over time, men will catch on to this new world and accept the fact that hard-working girls may well turn into highly paid women.
Until that realization sinks in, problems arising from tradition-bound notions of gender identity will keep taking a toll on our economy and our families. Employers, however, may have opportunities to help.
For a variety of reasons, including the stubbornly persistent norm that women assume more than half the responsibility for raising children, many highly educated women would like to work part-time at a level commensurate with their skills. Businesses, however, have been slow to adapt, even as technology makes it much easier to do some or all of one’s work from home. I believe that there are substantial economic opportunities for companies that find ways to hire the millions of talented but underemployed mothers in our economy.
But now back to the notion of couples’ contentment: Is there any way to tell whether it’s the wife or the husband who becomes unhappy when the wife earns more? Does he think that she is threatening his manliness, or does she think that he’s a slacker?
That may be impossible to answer, partly because of something I learned long ago from Alvin E. Roth, a Nobel laureate in economics last year. I call it Roth’s rule: In equilibrium, it’s impossible for you to be happier than your spouse.
If you and your spouse both understand that rule, you’re both likely to be happier — regardless of how much money either of you make.
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Source for the above article: (1) NYT & (2) Richard H. Thaler is a professor of economics and behavioral science at the Booth School of Business at the University of Chicago.
Here one interesting comment from the public given to the above article by professor Thaler:
"Only a man with a low self-esteem would not be happy about his wife's higher earnings"
_____________________________
PART TWO
STAF, Inc. adding:
By Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., D.D.
(1) Among the people applying religious principles, especially the biblical principles, marriages, in general, are happier.
The Bible teaches: no divorce is ever needed (except perhaps in the case of fornication - and not even necessarily then) - work out your problems together, learn to understand and: forgive so God will forgive you (states The Bible).
(2) Also: there are rarely any BAD marriages (if you got married in a traditional manner*) - there are only BAD attitudes and BAD, irresponsible behavior mostly based on lacking knowledge of what works and what does.
(3) This tab in STAF, Inc.'s website provides you all information you need for a heavenly happiness.
Study this tab in full with your spouse (and with your children, no matter how young - they will learn for their own marriage AND they will then remind you, the parents, how to make your marriage work happily - a very good & working idea.
*) Traditional manner - Getting married in a traditional manner means: first you two met, started dating, fell in love, someone proposed, wedding plans, wedding day, perhaps a honeymoon trip. The traditional manner is in most cases a "long" process, perhaps taking years and it is also costing much money in all those steps. It does not matter in itself how long the process leading to the wedding day lasted (sometimes months, sometimes years).
What matters is this: You must have had true love between the two of you - otherwise you would not have bothered, nor invested the money.
TRUE LOVE NEVER dies, even though it may feel so when the challenges arrive.
Every marriage will have challenges - learn to work out peacefully together the challenges. Decide together before the wedding that you two will NEVER get divorced but will work out your future marriage difficulties.
Conquering (you two can do it) a challenge makes your love even deeper - never give up - real love is worth all your efforts. Take counseling as needed.
Also STAF, Inc. provides counseling using the modern technology; you can either visit our office or have counseling via a web camera to your home. STAF, Inc.'s counseling program "Restoring Any Marriage - RAM" gives a lifetime result-guarantee with only a one-time fee. No one anywhere gives a similar guarantee.
Research shows that in a divorce situation both parents will suffer losses and potentially even have a shorter lifespan with additional sicknesses. A divorce also gives serious challenges to the children and can literally destroy your children's future. See additional, important information next below.
_________________
PART THREE
This article below is used as a comment to the internet articles relating to gun regulations, violence & other related topics.
Study this - you'll find important information
Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D
Practically all mass shooters & killers have two things in common: (1) they themselves are victims of a divorce & (2) they are all males. -This info will help millions-
A growing boy needs especially his father's continuous presence and guidance, more so than his mother's. The moral in our marriages has gone close to a zero. The children grow up disturbed & misled. In addition, the violent video games & violent movies are replacing the parental love & healthy attention - the children get a wrong picture about being a human being. The young mass killers suffer from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™.
In a family separation & divorce both spouses will experience (1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties. Any traditionally done marriage turned dysfunctional can be healed. Giving up as the first solution is not reasonable for anyone. A separation and a divorce are serious child abuse.
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here: (1) overall increased risks to health & welfare; (2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researchers: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
In every recent case all these above reasons were present.
The long-term solution is to start educating the whole nation how to heal the American Family & our homes where our children are growing up. In the U.S. marriage happiness & child raising education for every family & every teenager in our schools (and colleges) is fully missing today but is present in most other developed countries in their school curricula.
In a happy home with both parents present the children grow up healthy - no Broken Marriage Syndrome™ and no reason to go to punish the world by killing everyone around.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a fully new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency, and to be named its first federal director. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner.
On STAF, Inc.'s website page tops is a link to study the original STAF, Inc.'s founding documents to see its mission statements.
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit, needs donations to widen its important work to reduce the mass killings for your family's safer life and richer, healthier future. Mail any size of donation in any currency as paper money to: STAF, Inc., GPO 339, New York, NY 10116-0339, USA. In the envelope enclose your name & email address - STAF, Inc. will email you a tax deductible confirmation receipt. 100 % of the donations will be used for STAF, Inc.'s help operations to ease human suffering & to save human lives.
Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Shows - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits nationwide or worldwide.
To visit STAF, Inc.'s extensive website, search the internet with: "Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.- Home"
(one 'F' in STAF, Inc.).
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF. Inc.'s founding President
____________________________________________________________________________
and Nervous Husbands
PART ONE
- this article has three parts, parts two & three below
Click green for further info
By RICHARD H. THALER - a professor of economics and behavioral science at the Booth School of Business at the University of Chicago
GIRLS are generally outperforming boys in high school, and then proceeding in greater numbers to attend and graduate from college. And as women take the helm as chief executives of more major corporations, including Hewlett-Packard, I.B.M. and PepsiCo, there are hints that the glass ceiling may be at least cracking, if not breaking.
Such developments should encourage aspiring young women to believe that social norms are changing, and that barriers to success are dropping. But a new study reveals that women’s gains on the economic front may be contributing to a decline in the formation and stability of marriages.
One reason for this decline may be that women with greater earning power have greater economic security that allows them to leave bad marriages. Yet another possibility is that many men seem to be clinging to a social norm from the “Mad Men” days: that the husband should be the primary earner in a family.
There is an obvious disconnect here. Those men who spent their teenage years goofing off and their college years drinking beer shouldn’t be surprised that women who consistently received higher grades and continued further in school might now be earning more money as well. But the evidence suggests that while men tend to applaud their spouses when they help to bring home the bacon, husbands aren’t always as enthusiastic when women start bringing home the filet mignon. And it’s especially troubling that these old-fashioned social norms about gender identity appear to be adversely affecting family formation and stability.
This is the finding of an interesting new paper by Marianne Bertrand, Emir Kamenica and Jessica Pan, three economists who are colleagues of mine at the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business. They found that traditional views of gender identity, particularly the view that the right and proper role of the husband is to make more money than the wife, are affecting choices of whom to marry, how much to work, and even whether to stay married.
Suppose that both men and women are happier — all else being equal — the more money their spouse makes. In such a world, couples wouldn’t care whether the man or woman earns more, so the population of couples would have what we call a “normal distribution,” and would be captured in a bell-shaped curve. But that’s not what we see in the real-world data.
Instead, there is a sharp drop in the number of male-female couples at exactly the point where the woman starts to earn more than half of household income.
This finding supports earlier research from speed-dating sessions, which found that while women prefer men to be intelligent and ambitious, men have these preferences for women only to the point where women threaten to earn more than they do. These preferences appear to be reflected in whom people choose to marry and in how much women choose to work outside the home.
Women’s earnings have been rising relative to men’s over the past 40 years — though, on average, women’s pay still lags behind. One sign of change is seen in a recent study from Pew Research, which finds that mothers are providing more than half the income in 15 percent of married households with children at home, up from 3.5 percent in 1960. Given such trends, it’s logical that problems would arise if men kept their desire to be the primary breadwinners.
This may be one of many reasons that the share of young adults in marriages decreased 30 to 50 percent across various racial and ethnic groups from 1970 to 2008. Clearly, a choice to marry later in life explains part of this decline, but Ms. Bertrand and her co-authors estimate that the trend in the percentage of women making more than men explains almost one-fourth of the marriage rate’s decline in the 40 years ended in 2010.
What happens when a man marries a woman who has the education and skills to earn more than him? The couple can avoid violating the “man earns more” social norm if the woman works part time or leaves the labor force altogether. The authors found evidence of both choices. But what if the woman stays in the labor force and does earn more than her spouse? How does this affect the marriage? The findings here are striking. In such couples, surveys show, both wife and husband generally report being less happy about the marriage.
Given these findings, it isn’t surprising that when a wife earns more than her husband, the risk of divorce rises, too. To study this, the authors used a survey conducted in two waves, 1987-88 and 1992-93. (There were no more recent data available for this particular test.) Then they investigated the likelihood of a divorce in the five-year interval. For this sample, some 12 percent of all couples were divorced during this period — a sobering fact about the stability of marriages in general. But the divorce rate rose by half, to about 18 percent, for couples in which the wife earned more than the husband.
How to explain the jump? Some people might think that a wife who earns more will do fewer household chores than her tradition-bound mate expects. Regardless of your opinion about men who harbor such feelings, the facts rule out that explanation: women who earn more than their husbands actually do a greater share of household chores, compared with couples in which the wife works but earns less.
The paper’s findings support the anecdotal complaints of many highly educated, high-earning women who say they can’t find suitable husbands. And as women continue to outperform men in school, these problems are likely to grow. Perhaps over time, men will catch on to this new world and accept the fact that hard-working girls may well turn into highly paid women.
Until that realization sinks in, problems arising from tradition-bound notions of gender identity will keep taking a toll on our economy and our families. Employers, however, may have opportunities to help.
For a variety of reasons, including the stubbornly persistent norm that women assume more than half the responsibility for raising children, many highly educated women would like to work part-time at a level commensurate with their skills. Businesses, however, have been slow to adapt, even as technology makes it much easier to do some or all of one’s work from home. I believe that there are substantial economic opportunities for companies that find ways to hire the millions of talented but underemployed mothers in our economy.
But now back to the notion of couples’ contentment: Is there any way to tell whether it’s the wife or the husband who becomes unhappy when the wife earns more? Does he think that she is threatening his manliness, or does she think that he’s a slacker?
That may be impossible to answer, partly because of something I learned long ago from Alvin E. Roth, a Nobel laureate in economics last year. I call it Roth’s rule: In equilibrium, it’s impossible for you to be happier than your spouse.
If you and your spouse both understand that rule, you’re both likely to be happier — regardless of how much money either of you make.
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Source for the above article: (1) NYT & (2) Richard H. Thaler is a professor of economics and behavioral science at the Booth School of Business at the University of Chicago.
Here one interesting comment from the public given to the above article by professor Thaler:
"Only a man with a low self-esteem would not be happy about his wife's higher earnings"
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PART TWO
STAF, Inc. adding:
By Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., D.D.
(1) Among the people applying religious principles, especially the biblical principles, marriages, in general, are happier.
The Bible teaches: no divorce is ever needed (except perhaps in the case of fornication - and not even necessarily then) - work out your problems together, learn to understand and: forgive so God will forgive you (states The Bible).
(2) Also: there are rarely any BAD marriages (if you got married in a traditional manner*) - there are only BAD attitudes and BAD, irresponsible behavior mostly based on lacking knowledge of what works and what does.
(3) This tab in STAF, Inc.'s website provides you all information you need for a heavenly happiness.
Study this tab in full with your spouse (and with your children, no matter how young - they will learn for their own marriage AND they will then remind you, the parents, how to make your marriage work happily - a very good & working idea.
*) Traditional manner - Getting married in a traditional manner means: first you two met, started dating, fell in love, someone proposed, wedding plans, wedding day, perhaps a honeymoon trip. The traditional manner is in most cases a "long" process, perhaps taking years and it is also costing much money in all those steps. It does not matter in itself how long the process leading to the wedding day lasted (sometimes months, sometimes years).
What matters is this: You must have had true love between the two of you - otherwise you would not have bothered, nor invested the money.
TRUE LOVE NEVER dies, even though it may feel so when the challenges arrive.
Every marriage will have challenges - learn to work out peacefully together the challenges. Decide together before the wedding that you two will NEVER get divorced but will work out your future marriage difficulties.
Conquering (you two can do it) a challenge makes your love even deeper - never give up - real love is worth all your efforts. Take counseling as needed.
Also STAF, Inc. provides counseling using the modern technology; you can either visit our office or have counseling via a web camera to your home. STAF, Inc.'s counseling program "Restoring Any Marriage - RAM" gives a lifetime result-guarantee with only a one-time fee. No one anywhere gives a similar guarantee.
Research shows that in a divorce situation both parents will suffer losses and potentially even have a shorter lifespan with additional sicknesses. A divorce also gives serious challenges to the children and can literally destroy your children's future. See additional, important information next below.
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PART THREE
This article below is used as a comment to the internet articles relating to gun regulations, violence & other related topics.
Study this - you'll find important information
Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D
Practically all mass shooters & killers have two things in common: (1) they themselves are victims of a divorce & (2) they are all males. -This info will help millions-
A growing boy needs especially his father's continuous presence and guidance, more so than his mother's. The moral in our marriages has gone close to a zero. The children grow up disturbed & misled. In addition, the violent video games & violent movies are replacing the parental love & healthy attention - the children get a wrong picture about being a human being. The young mass killers suffer from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™.
In a family separation & divorce both spouses will experience (1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties. Any traditionally done marriage turned dysfunctional can be healed. Giving up as the first solution is not reasonable for anyone. A separation and a divorce are serious child abuse.
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here: (1) overall increased risks to health & welfare; (2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researchers: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
In every recent case all these above reasons were present.
The long-term solution is to start educating the whole nation how to heal the American Family & our homes where our children are growing up. In the U.S. marriage happiness & child raising education for every family & every teenager in our schools (and colleges) is fully missing today but is present in most other developed countries in their school curricula.
In a happy home with both parents present the children grow up healthy - no Broken Marriage Syndrome™ and no reason to go to punish the world by killing everyone around.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a fully new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency, and to be named its first federal director. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner.
On STAF, Inc.'s website page tops is a link to study the original STAF, Inc.'s founding documents to see its mission statements.
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit, needs donations to widen its important work to reduce the mass killings for your family's safer life and richer, healthier future. Mail any size of donation in any currency as paper money to: STAF, Inc., GPO 339, New York, NY 10116-0339, USA. In the envelope enclose your name & email address - STAF, Inc. will email you a tax deductible confirmation receipt. 100 % of the donations will be used for STAF, Inc.'s help operations to ease human suffering & to save human lives.
Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Shows - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits nationwide or worldwide.
To visit STAF, Inc.'s extensive website, search the internet with: "Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.- Home"
(one 'F' in STAF, Inc.).
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF. Inc.'s founding President
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An important article for anyone
Learn how to prevent relationship disasters and
how to keep your love relationship happy and satisfying
An expert look at why people cheat
Visitor interview: Dr. Gilda
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Study the articles behind every green title - they all have excellent information you want to know and apply
Dr. Gilda as also Dr. Christian, the founding President of STAF, Inc., both are relationship experts to the stars.
Both get excellent result.
One difference these 2 have: only Dr. Christian gives a lifetime results-guarantee with only a-one-time-fee.
What you read in this article Dr. Christian fully agrees with Dr. Gilda.
As the founder of the new science, Successology (Reg. U.S. Pat.Off. in 1991), Dr Christian states that the effective methods revealed in this interview will bring positive results not only in the couple therapy but also in the individual counseling.
Being cheated on: Many of us wonder and worry about it — and some of us have to work very hard to recover from this devastating experience. To help address your questions on all facets of this topic, we provide this live chat with Dr. Gilda Carle, a relationship expert and best-selling author of Don’t Bet on the Prince! How To Have The Man You Want by Betting on Yourself.
Here, we share her wise advice on how lies and infidelity can threaten a relationship — and what to do if you find yourself navigating this rocky romantic territory.
Q: What is the main reason for cheating in relationships?
Dr. Gilda: There are many reasons why people cheat. Sometimes it’s what they saw in the house they grew up in. Sometimes all their buddies are doing the same thing. Sometimes it’s because cheaters don’t feel good about themselves and look for people who will make them feel better. Sometimes a cheater’s relationship is crashing and he or she doesn’t want to deal with that reality, so cheating gets used as a bandage. And sometimes a person is so self-centered and egocentric that all he (or she) can think of is me, me, me. So there are many different reasons why people cheat. Your objective (and all singles should do this) is to make sure that you size somebody up before you become deeply, emotionally involved. And when you do, if you see a pattern that existed in that person’s behavior in the past you’ll pretty much be able to predict the behavior that this person is going to demonstrate in the future.
Related: 7 signs your honey may cheat click and study
Q: How do people deal with the guilt of cheating?
Dr. Gilda: Somebody who cheats is looking for justification and rationalization more than anything else. So, he or she usually finds a way out in his or her own mind so that there isn’t any guilt. It’s often the person who’s cheated on who feels that he or she must have done something wrong to have caused it. My advice is to look more carefully at what’s going on before deciding to take the burden of blame onto yourself.
Q: What exactly is the definition of cheating, anyway?
Dr. Gilda: Cheating can be flirting or it can be kissing. Many people spend lots of time on the telephone flirting with somebody when they should instead be investing that very valuable time in their relationship at home. So, the question is: would you want your loved one to be doing what you’re doing with another person? That’s the question you should ask when defining what cheating means to you.
Related: Confessions: 7 reasons why women cheat click and study
Q: Do you agree with the phrase, “once a cheater, always a cheater” or not?
Dr. Gilda: I think that people can change, but they have to want to in order for it to stick. You can’t make somebody change!
Q: Is it true that, at some point, all men cheat?
Dr. Gilda: That’s definitely not the case. Plenty of women are cheaters, too. Men are not cheating alone; they are cheating with women. Every time I answer a question about cheating, I get tons of emails from men (and plenty of women, too) saying they are in the same situation — cheating on their mates.
Q: I just ended a relationship that was full of lies. How do I trust again?
Dr. Gilda: Trust is the most difficult thing to build in any relationship. You must start to trust yourself and your own instincts about people. Trust begins with trusting yourself and your ability to assess the different people who come into your life. It’s going to take some time, so don’t try to rush it. But I also don’t want you to go out on dates and go through this whole speech about how you were cheated on and that you find it very hard to trust again. Because then your dates will feel as though they have to jump through hoops to prove otherwise to you. As you begin to trust your own judgment, you will find a new partner who is more trustworthy.
Related: Can a cheater truly change? click and study
Q: I believe that my partner of two years is cheating. What are the main signs to look for?
Dr. Gilda: Has your partner started to care more about what he or she looks like? Has this person stopped listening closely to what you say? Does your mate make excuses for not showing up on time, or not showing up at all? In general, you feel in your gut that something has changed. I believe everyone knows, subconsciously, that his or her partner is cheating when that’s what is going on.
Q: How do you tell if a man is just saying what he thinks you want to hear?
Dr. Gilda: Well, spend more time with him and find out if there are inconsistencies in what he’s saying. On first dates, lots of men (and women!) say what he or she thinks that other person wants to hear. That’s why first dates only come around once! You have to see if what your date said early on in the evening makes sense after you know each other a little bit better — and makes sense the following week, and the week after that.
Related: Are you two meant to last? click and study
Q: How is it that one day you are the love of someone’s life and almost overnight you’re forgotten?
Dr. Gilda: The question should be: How well did you know this person from the start? If somebody is telling you that you’re the love of his or her life, how long have you known this person for that statement to be justified? I have found that relationships that begin very quickly usually end just as quickly. But relationships that have maintained themselves over time usually are an investment made by both people, and one or both of them will be less likely to just wake up in the morning and decide they want to pack it in.
Q: Can a man have a “friendship” with a woman outside his marriage or dating relationship?
Dr. Gilda: Absolutely. Actually, I encourage that because this is where they get information about how other women think, other women feel. Just because he has a friendship with a woman doesn’t mean he’s interested in her romantically.
Q: What are the success rates for relationships after cheating?
Dr. Gilda: It depends on how hard two people want to work on their relationship. Usually after cheating there’s tremendous distrust, so it’s going to take a while for both parties to prove to the other that it was a mistake. It really depends. Give it time — consider seeking out a therapist to help you take the relationship one step at a time, rather than trying to make it alright the next day. Working through it can show where difficulties have been in a relationship, and the two partners are more committed than they’ve ever been once they see the errors of their ways.
Related: 8 clues that a cheater has changed click and study
Q: I separated from my husband due to his affair with a woman much older than me. I’m younger, in better shape and fairly intelligent, so why did this affect my self-esteem so badly?
Dr. Gilda: What you have just learned is that being attracted to somebody has very little to do with age, looks and all these other things. Being attracted to someone comes from the way that other person makes you feel. So don’t take it personally, but try to find out for your next relationship what was lacking in your marriage and what kinds of things you need to work on so you grow from the experience.
Q: Should a woman believe a man to be loyal even if he likes to flirt?
Dr. Gilda: Flirtation is one thing, cheating is another. Some guys need their egos boosted so they go out of their way to seem like big shots with other people (women). But it’s usually quite harmless. However, if it bothers you, you owe it to yourself to level with this guy.
Related: Traits unhappy couples have in common click and study
Q: If you don’t bet on the prince, who should you bet on?
Dr. Gilda: Yourself! My book Don’t Bet on the Prince is subtitled “How to Have the Man You Want By Betting On Yourself.” This goes for how to have the job you want, how to have the income you want, how to have the life you want. Everything in your life is dependent upon your willingness to put your faith in you.
Q: Is being with someone just to avoid loneliness ever justified?
Dr. Gilda: No, no, no. That reminds me of the line in the movie Jerry Maguire: “You complete me.” In reality, nobody can complete anybody else — the key to successful dating is to be complete before you enter into a relationship.
Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D., gives Instant Advice throughout the world via Skype, email and phone. She is the 30-Second Therapist for Today.com. Her best-selling books include Don’t Bet on the Prince!, 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity and How to Win When Your Mate Cheats.
Please visit her website at (DrGilda.com)
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Why You Should
Take Stress More Seriously
(1) Definition for stress: "Stress is unfinished business"
(2) Stress can become a killer
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If you’re someone who frequently declares, “I’m so stressed!” then you might want to pay attention to this: Your risk of heart attack could be double that of folks who don't think they're stressed, according to a new study.
Click: The Best Steps to Keep Your Stress in Check
The findings, by French researchers and published 2013 in the European Heart Journal, showed that people who believe that they are stressed—and that the stress is affecting their health—have more than twice the risk of heart attack as those who don’t feel that way.
Click: The Least Stressful Jobs of 2013
“This indicates that individuals' perception and reality seem to be connected pretty well,” lead author Herman Nabi, of the French National Institute of Health and Medical Research, in an email. “In other words, people seem to be aware when stress is affecting their health.”
The researchers analyzed the data of 7,268 men and women from a previous study, the British Whitehall II cohort, based on a questionnaire that asked the following: “To what extent do you consider the stress or pressure that you have experienced in your life has an effect on your health?" Participants chose from answers including “not at all,” “a little,” “moderately,” “a lot,” and “extremely.” They were also asked to rate their stress levels and other factors, including smoking, alcohol intake, diet, exercise and preexisting health conditions such as diabetes.
People who answered the first question with “a lot” or “extremely” had a 2.12 times higher risk of having or dying from a heart attack compared with those who didn’t think stress was affecting their health.
“Our ultimate goal in this research was to demonstrate [the idea that] individuals' perception of [how] stress impacts their own health is valid, and should be considered both in future research and in clinical settings,” Nabi said. “We wanted also to show that responses to stress differ greatly between individuals. In fact, a situation that is stressful for one person might not be stressful for another.”
While the findings may have merit, they offer “nothing new,” according to Dr. Paul Rosch, founder and board chairman of the American Institute of Stress, who is familiar with the study.
“We’ve known for a long time, to quote the Greek philosopher Epictetus, that ‘men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them,’” he told Yahoo! Shine. “You can show definitively that people have a higher rate of heart attack if they feel they have too many demands on them at work or in life, whether it’s true or not. So if you perceive something, it’s as good as the real thing.”
Rosch said he found the new study to be flawed because the participants who said they felt stressed were also more likely to be smokers and to have a baseline of poor health. “It would have been better to have started off with two groups having equivalent health status, and then show that perceived stress correlated with increased coronary events, or deaths, decades later,” he added.
Still, he said, it certainly can’t hurt a person to be mindful of stress levels — as well as of the additional stress those levels may cause, "provided it encourages you to avoid unhealthy habits and improve your quality of life in other ways, but not if it leads you to worry more about things you can't control."
People should just keep in mind that finding an effective way to reduce stress may take some time, since, as Nabi said, individuals react to situations in different ways.
“Things that are very distressing for some might be pleasurable for others, like a steep rollercoaster ride. So there’s nothing that’s a panacea,” Rosch noted. “Running, doing yoga or listening to music might work for some but be dull, boring and stressful for others.”
Bottom line: Find what’s calming for you and stick with it. Your life could depend on it.
Related:
Click:
Heart Attack Symptoms Women Ignore
Do Married People—Especially Women—Have Healthier Hearts? Yes, New Study Finds.
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Source: European Heart Journal
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Survey Says:
Having Three Kids is the Most Stressful
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There is no doubt that once you have kids, your stress level will go up. I know that I am more stressed and it's totally understandable. As a parent, you're now responsible for the lives of others. You have their nutrition, happiness, safety, education, and social life all in your hands and if you've got a perfectionist personality, it can get very stressful.
It certainly doesn't help that there is a lot of criticism that comes with parenting. We get it from experts, from friends, from family, and other moms. Everyone seems to have an opinion on how to "do it right" that it's no wonder that the stress just keeps piling on.
Related: 6 reasons sibling rivalry is actually good for kids
Parenting is quite an adjustment and with each new child added to the family, a new routine has to be found. That alone can be stressful, but I believe that it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. A survey that was released exclusively by TODAYMoms.com , asked more than 7,000 moms to answer questions online based on stress-levels and mothering. The results - they were interesting:
Average Stress Level
The moms who took the survey were asked on a scale of 1-to-10, how stressed did they consider themselves (with 10 being the most stressed). The result: the average mom put themselves at an 8.5.
Self-Pressure vs Others
The moms surveyed said they were more stressed out by the pressure they put on themselves to be perfect vs the pressure and judgement they get from other moms.
Stress From Partner
This stat I found quite interesting -- 46% of the mothers surveyed said they are more stressed by their husband/partner than they are of their kids.
Stress Stress
This figure from the survey proves to me that moms are way too hard on themselves. 72% of moms stressed about how stressed they were.
Biggest Cause of Stress
The mothers surveyed said their biggest reason for their stress was not having enough time to do everything. 60% of the participants answered this for their number one stress.
Girls vs Boys
60 percent of the moms answered that raising girls was more stressful than raising boys.
Fit and Attractive
Nine out of 10 moms surveyed said they were stressed about staying fit and attractive. While I think it's good to worry about being healthy, this seems like far too much importance, but I totally would fit in that category.
Three is the Most Stressful Number
Mothers of three children stress more than moms of one or two, while mothers of four or more children actually report lower stress levels. Apparently the more you have -- the less you stress out. Good to know!
For me personally, when we added a third child to the family, I didn't find this transition nearly as difficult as I did going from zero to one. That was the biggest adjustment for me as I was learning how to mother, how to read cues, function on little sleep, navigate all the conflicting parenting information, and trying to find my groove. When we had baby number 2, I was still relatively new at the whole mothering thing, but I was already in the groove. By the time I had three kids, that transition was the easiest for me because I already felt like I knew what I was doing.
It's amazing what that confidence can do for a stress-level. I have never really felt too much stress about being the "perfect mom," but I always feel like I am doing the best that I can. I am not afraid to make mistakes, apologize, learn from them, and move on without too much dwelling. I know that there is so much pressure put on us by others (and ourselves) to be that "perfect mom," but I have very quickly learned that most of us are all doing the best we can.
I asked my Facebook friends to share what number of kids was the hardest transition for them and the answers varied quite a lot:
"I only have one, but I would say 0 to dog was harder! ha." - Sunny
"1-2. With the first he just fit into our lives and we lived around his schedule. 2nd was harder as trying to do a baby schedule with sleeping and feeding while having a 4 year old wanting attention and to do things." - Nolie
"Going from 0-1 was SUCH a life adjustment. Going from 1-2 was easy because I already knew what to expect." - Jen
"I seriously don't think I could handle 3! 2 is good for me and I didn't find either transition difficult. I think at this point the biggest hurdle is money and time. At what point does'one more' affect the others abilities to be involved in organized activities etc. I think that was the biggest deciding factor for us to stop at 2." - Jacqueline
"1-2 because you are then out numbered lol and 3-4 because your older ones are in sports and school and you are just pulled in so many different directions, all at the same time." - Summerlea
What was the hardest transition for you? Is there a number of kids you think you'd just get used to it or is there a "too many" limit for you?
- By Devan McGuinness
Follow Devan at Babble
For 7 things I refuse to feel guilty about as a parent, visit Babble!
MORE ON BABBLE
15 things you should NEVER say to a mom of multiples
25 horrifying photos of stuff kids have ruined
25 things every kid should experience
11 mistakes all parents make (even the perfect ones!)
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Source: TODAYMoms.com
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The 10 Proven Ways to Improve Your Relationship
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Do you feel like your relationship isn't quite what it used to be? To help you revive your relationship, we've reviewed a serious body of research to bring you the 10 most powerful, scientifically proven ways to improve virtually any relationship. These tips also happen to be the key ingredients that go into making a good relationship work, so even if you think everything's great, you can use this list as a diagnostic tool to make sure you and your partner are on the road to relationship bliss.
Solidify your friendship
Solidify = make stronger; reinforce
How satisfied you feel in your relationship has to do with how connected you feel to your partner.
Spend time with each other. In any marriage, when the children come, it can get so busy that both parents are spending time together (much) less than before. Solution: schedule at least one weekly evening to go out together to have private time. Once a month schedule an overnight "trip" (even in a local motel/hotel). Any marriage needs the time together.
Also, research suggests that our ability to connect with others (our attachment style) is influenced by our childhood experiences. According to Prior and Glasser (2006), 65% of children can be classified as having a secure attachment style, with the remaining 35% having an insecure attachment style.
As an adult, an insecure attachment style is associated with a slew of relationship troubles, including jealousy, obsession, and emotional highs and lows. The good news is that, regardless of your present pattern, you can become more securely attached, or connected, to your partner by developing a deeper friendship. To do that, incrementally spend more time with her doing something you both enjoy. Also, regularly ask for updates on your partner's likes, dislikes, current stressors, and new interests, as people change over time.
Appreciate each other
Remember when you first started dating, how you used to go that extra mile to impress her? Well, one of the secrets to a long, fulfilling relationship is to continue to actively appreciate your partner. You don't necessarily have to pull out all the stops the way you did back in the day, but regular efforts to show your partner that you appreciate her will do wonders for improving your relationship.
If you're not sure where to start, a good place is by doling out daily compliments. Tell her she looks hot or thank her for organizational abilities when she reminds you to call your mother. The only rule is to make sure that you genuinely mean what you say.
Concentrate on the present to ensure your future
Interestingly, the ability of your relationship to weather tough times has a lot to do with your mutual availability in the here and now. Unfortunately, over time, for a variety of reasons, many couples move further apart from each other, meaning that when a rough patch hits, their relationship doesn't survive. To build a rock-solid relationship, start by acknowledging rather than ignoring the ordinary moments in your relationship. If your partner wants to share something she's reading on the net, for example, take a minute to listen, even if you simply grunt in response. It may sound strange, but if you accumulate enough of the little things, when you really need your partner, you'll find she's there for you.
Don't distort
Researchers have known for a long time that unhappy couples focus on the negatives in their relationships. An early study by Robinson and Price (1980) found that unhappy couples underestimated the occurrence of pleasurable events in their relationships by 50%. Also, Fincham, Beach and Baucom (1987) found that individuals in distressed relationships were prone to attributing negative intentions to their partner's behavior.
If you find yourself stuck in this rut of distorted thinking, the next time you have a negative thought about something your partner has done try to come up with a more neutral explanation for her actions. Another strategy is to consider whether you would judge yourself so harshly if the situation were reversed. Finally, remind yourself often of the good times you've spent together recently.
Share power
When a man is not willing to share power with his relationship partner, John Gottman's research indicates there is an 81% chance that his relationship will self-destruct. While hoarding power may have got you ahead in your career, this strategy will backfire in your relationship because your girlfriend will end up feeling like her opinions aren't valuable and she doesn't matter to you. To help save your relationship, develop a more accepting attitude toward compromise. Practice by giving in on issues you don't feel extremely invested in.
Find common goals
A study conducted in collaboration with a dating site in the UK found that 13% of couples reported no longer having the same goals. This situation represents a ticking time bomb, as research has shown that couples who share dreams and goals have longer-lasting, more satisfying relationships. If you feel like you've been out of sync lately with your partner on this front, discuss your philosophy of life together. The aim is for both of you to share what you want your life to be about, where you want to end up and what these things mean to you. Look for anything that's common between the two of you and talk about ways to work toward that aspiration together.
Understand anger
While outbursts of anger are common even in healthy relationships, when anger becomes an entrenched part of your couple life, you should be concerned. Sue Johnson, master therapist and pioneer of emotion-focused therapy, an empirically validated treatment for distressed relationships, refers to anger as a secondary emotion. Her theory holds that other (primary) emotions, such as sadness or a fear of being abandoned, can be found behind an angry front.
Think back to the last argument you had with your partner and use this new knowledge to look for hidden messages in what you and your partner were each trying to communicate. Attempting to disregard the angry tone you both used and trying to tune in to what you were each really trying to say will help you to see that you both have needs in your relationship that make sense. For instance, "You're a workaholic!" might really mean "I miss you and want to spend more time with you."
Atavistic behavior in all us humans
Also, realize in all humans the atavistic (Latin atavus, ancestor) - animal like "run or fight" emotions kick in first in any (uncontrolled) argument causing potential physical violence - this emotion stays on for about 30 min. - then the rational part of our brains take control. Solution: knowing this, both of you, decide together that in any argument you will stay polite (no voice raising) and realize it is time to walk away for 30 min. and continue solving the difference with rational part of brain dominating. This info is important to avoid any violence whether mental or physical and to solve any difficulty in an effective, civilized manner.
Break negative cycles
Troubled relationships tend to follow a demand-withdraw pattern. That means that one person tends to be more critical and demanding, while the other tends to withdraw or shut down in response to conflict. Douglas Tilley, a proponent of emotion-focused therapy, notes that 85% of the time men tend to be the withdrawer. The reason may be biological -- men's cardiovascular systems are more responsive to stress, so tuning out your mate is an attempt to avoid uncomfortable sensations. To break the negative pattern of conflict in your relationship, next time things get heated, let your partner know what's going on with you by saying: "I can see this issue is important to you. I'm feeling too angry to discuss it right now, though, so let's come back to it once we've cooled off."
Focus on what's fixable
As long as an argument doesn't leave you feeling like you've been through an emotional roller coaster, consider it fixable. One major area that causes tension in relationships is finances, with a longitudinal study by economist Jay Zagorsky finding that 33% of couples have seriously divergent views on income, wealth and debts. In particular, the initial stages of living together may be especially fraught with monetary concerns. So that this problem doesn't spiral out of control, sit down with your other half and craft a detailed action plan, consulting any resources that might help to get your finances on track. You should both be able to live with the new arrangement or it won't work. Use this method to address any other problems in your life that you deem fixable.
Accept the unsolvable
Unfortunately, according to relationship scientist John Gottman, 69% of relationship conflicts are persistent problems, meaning they revolve around issues that tend to resurface no matter how long you've been together. If you find a problem seems to call up painful emotions, you're looking at one that's persistent.
To stop this trouble from ruining your relationship, you'll need to address the bigger issues underlying your difficulty. Take turns discussing with your partner what this loaded issue really means to you. When your partner is talking, your job is to listen, be nonjudgmental and to find something in her perspective that makes sense to you. When it's your turn to talk, she should be doing the same thing. By treading more gently into touchy areas, you should at least be able to agree to disagree or make some small concessions for one another.
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Source: MoneyTalks
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Learn how to prevent relationship disasters and
how to keep your love relationship happy and satisfying
An expert look at why people cheat
Visitor interview: Dr. Gilda
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Study the articles behind every green title - they all have excellent information you want to know and apply
Dr. Gilda as also Dr. Christian, the founding President of STAF, Inc., both are relationship experts to the stars.
Both get excellent result.
One difference these 2 have: only Dr. Christian gives a lifetime results-guarantee with only a-one-time-fee.
What you read in this article Dr. Christian fully agrees with Dr. Gilda.
As the founder of the new science, Successology (Reg. U.S. Pat.Off. in 1991), Dr Christian states that the effective methods revealed in this interview will bring positive results not only in the couple therapy but also in the individual counseling.
Being cheated on: Many of us wonder and worry about it — and some of us have to work very hard to recover from this devastating experience. To help address your questions on all facets of this topic, we provide this live chat with Dr. Gilda Carle, a relationship expert and best-selling author of Don’t Bet on the Prince! How To Have The Man You Want by Betting on Yourself.
Here, we share her wise advice on how lies and infidelity can threaten a relationship — and what to do if you find yourself navigating this rocky romantic territory.
Q: What is the main reason for cheating in relationships?
Dr. Gilda: There are many reasons why people cheat. Sometimes it’s what they saw in the house they grew up in. Sometimes all their buddies are doing the same thing. Sometimes it’s because cheaters don’t feel good about themselves and look for people who will make them feel better. Sometimes a cheater’s relationship is crashing and he or she doesn’t want to deal with that reality, so cheating gets used as a bandage. And sometimes a person is so self-centered and egocentric that all he (or she) can think of is me, me, me. So there are many different reasons why people cheat. Your objective (and all singles should do this) is to make sure that you size somebody up before you become deeply, emotionally involved. And when you do, if you see a pattern that existed in that person’s behavior in the past you’ll pretty much be able to predict the behavior that this person is going to demonstrate in the future.
Related: 7 signs your honey may cheat click and study
Q: How do people deal with the guilt of cheating?
Dr. Gilda: Somebody who cheats is looking for justification and rationalization more than anything else. So, he or she usually finds a way out in his or her own mind so that there isn’t any guilt. It’s often the person who’s cheated on who feels that he or she must have done something wrong to have caused it. My advice is to look more carefully at what’s going on before deciding to take the burden of blame onto yourself.
Q: What exactly is the definition of cheating, anyway?
Dr. Gilda: Cheating can be flirting or it can be kissing. Many people spend lots of time on the telephone flirting with somebody when they should instead be investing that very valuable time in their relationship at home. So, the question is: would you want your loved one to be doing what you’re doing with another person? That’s the question you should ask when defining what cheating means to you.
Related: Confessions: 7 reasons why women cheat click and study
Q: Do you agree with the phrase, “once a cheater, always a cheater” or not?
Dr. Gilda: I think that people can change, but they have to want to in order for it to stick. You can’t make somebody change!
Q: Is it true that, at some point, all men cheat?
Dr. Gilda: That’s definitely not the case. Plenty of women are cheaters, too. Men are not cheating alone; they are cheating with women. Every time I answer a question about cheating, I get tons of emails from men (and plenty of women, too) saying they are in the same situation — cheating on their mates.
Q: I just ended a relationship that was full of lies. How do I trust again?
Dr. Gilda: Trust is the most difficult thing to build in any relationship. You must start to trust yourself and your own instincts about people. Trust begins with trusting yourself and your ability to assess the different people who come into your life. It’s going to take some time, so don’t try to rush it. But I also don’t want you to go out on dates and go through this whole speech about how you were cheated on and that you find it very hard to trust again. Because then your dates will feel as though they have to jump through hoops to prove otherwise to you. As you begin to trust your own judgment, you will find a new partner who is more trustworthy.
Related: Can a cheater truly change? click and study
Q: I believe that my partner of two years is cheating. What are the main signs to look for?
Dr. Gilda: Has your partner started to care more about what he or she looks like? Has this person stopped listening closely to what you say? Does your mate make excuses for not showing up on time, or not showing up at all? In general, you feel in your gut that something has changed. I believe everyone knows, subconsciously, that his or her partner is cheating when that’s what is going on.
Q: How do you tell if a man is just saying what he thinks you want to hear?
Dr. Gilda: Well, spend more time with him and find out if there are inconsistencies in what he’s saying. On first dates, lots of men (and women!) say what he or she thinks that other person wants to hear. That’s why first dates only come around once! You have to see if what your date said early on in the evening makes sense after you know each other a little bit better — and makes sense the following week, and the week after that.
Related: Are you two meant to last? click and study
Q: How is it that one day you are the love of someone’s life and almost overnight you’re forgotten?
Dr. Gilda: The question should be: How well did you know this person from the start? If somebody is telling you that you’re the love of his or her life, how long have you known this person for that statement to be justified? I have found that relationships that begin very quickly usually end just as quickly. But relationships that have maintained themselves over time usually are an investment made by both people, and one or both of them will be less likely to just wake up in the morning and decide they want to pack it in.
Q: Can a man have a “friendship” with a woman outside his marriage or dating relationship?
Dr. Gilda: Absolutely. Actually, I encourage that because this is where they get information about how other women think, other women feel. Just because he has a friendship with a woman doesn’t mean he’s interested in her romantically.
Q: What are the success rates for relationships after cheating?
Dr. Gilda: It depends on how hard two people want to work on their relationship. Usually after cheating there’s tremendous distrust, so it’s going to take a while for both parties to prove to the other that it was a mistake. It really depends. Give it time — consider seeking out a therapist to help you take the relationship one step at a time, rather than trying to make it alright the next day. Working through it can show where difficulties have been in a relationship, and the two partners are more committed than they’ve ever been once they see the errors of their ways.
Related: 8 clues that a cheater has changed click and study
Q: I separated from my husband due to his affair with a woman much older than me. I’m younger, in better shape and fairly intelligent, so why did this affect my self-esteem so badly?
Dr. Gilda: What you have just learned is that being attracted to somebody has very little to do with age, looks and all these other things. Being attracted to someone comes from the way that other person makes you feel. So don’t take it personally, but try to find out for your next relationship what was lacking in your marriage and what kinds of things you need to work on so you grow from the experience.
Q: Should a woman believe a man to be loyal even if he likes to flirt?
Dr. Gilda: Flirtation is one thing, cheating is another. Some guys need their egos boosted so they go out of their way to seem like big shots with other people (women). But it’s usually quite harmless. However, if it bothers you, you owe it to yourself to level with this guy.
Related: Traits unhappy couples have in common click and study
Q: If you don’t bet on the prince, who should you bet on?
Dr. Gilda: Yourself! My book Don’t Bet on the Prince is subtitled “How to Have the Man You Want By Betting On Yourself.” This goes for how to have the job you want, how to have the income you want, how to have the life you want. Everything in your life is dependent upon your willingness to put your faith in you.
Q: Is being with someone just to avoid loneliness ever justified?
Dr. Gilda: No, no, no. That reminds me of the line in the movie Jerry Maguire: “You complete me.” In reality, nobody can complete anybody else — the key to successful dating is to be complete before you enter into a relationship.
Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D., gives Instant Advice throughout the world via Skype, email and phone. She is the 30-Second Therapist for Today.com. Her best-selling books include Don’t Bet on the Prince!, 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity and How to Win When Your Mate Cheats.
Please visit her website at (DrGilda.com)
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Why You Should
Take Stress More Seriously
(1) Definition for stress: "Stress is unfinished business"
(2) Stress can become a killer
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If you’re someone who frequently declares, “I’m so stressed!” then you might want to pay attention to this: Your risk of heart attack could be double that of folks who don't think they're stressed, according to a new study.
Click: The Best Steps to Keep Your Stress in Check
The findings, by French researchers and published 2013 in the European Heart Journal, showed that people who believe that they are stressed—and that the stress is affecting their health—have more than twice the risk of heart attack as those who don’t feel that way.
Click: The Least Stressful Jobs of 2013
“This indicates that individuals' perception and reality seem to be connected pretty well,” lead author Herman Nabi, of the French National Institute of Health and Medical Research, in an email. “In other words, people seem to be aware when stress is affecting their health.”
The researchers analyzed the data of 7,268 men and women from a previous study, the British Whitehall II cohort, based on a questionnaire that asked the following: “To what extent do you consider the stress or pressure that you have experienced in your life has an effect on your health?" Participants chose from answers including “not at all,” “a little,” “moderately,” “a lot,” and “extremely.” They were also asked to rate their stress levels and other factors, including smoking, alcohol intake, diet, exercise and preexisting health conditions such as diabetes.
People who answered the first question with “a lot” or “extremely” had a 2.12 times higher risk of having or dying from a heart attack compared with those who didn’t think stress was affecting their health.
“Our ultimate goal in this research was to demonstrate [the idea that] individuals' perception of [how] stress impacts their own health is valid, and should be considered both in future research and in clinical settings,” Nabi said. “We wanted also to show that responses to stress differ greatly between individuals. In fact, a situation that is stressful for one person might not be stressful for another.”
While the findings may have merit, they offer “nothing new,” according to Dr. Paul Rosch, founder and board chairman of the American Institute of Stress, who is familiar with the study.
“We’ve known for a long time, to quote the Greek philosopher Epictetus, that ‘men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them,’” he told Yahoo! Shine. “You can show definitively that people have a higher rate of heart attack if they feel they have too many demands on them at work or in life, whether it’s true or not. So if you perceive something, it’s as good as the real thing.”
Rosch said he found the new study to be flawed because the participants who said they felt stressed were also more likely to be smokers and to have a baseline of poor health. “It would have been better to have started off with two groups having equivalent health status, and then show that perceived stress correlated with increased coronary events, or deaths, decades later,” he added.
Still, he said, it certainly can’t hurt a person to be mindful of stress levels — as well as of the additional stress those levels may cause, "provided it encourages you to avoid unhealthy habits and improve your quality of life in other ways, but not if it leads you to worry more about things you can't control."
People should just keep in mind that finding an effective way to reduce stress may take some time, since, as Nabi said, individuals react to situations in different ways.
“Things that are very distressing for some might be pleasurable for others, like a steep rollercoaster ride. So there’s nothing that’s a panacea,” Rosch noted. “Running, doing yoga or listening to music might work for some but be dull, boring and stressful for others.”
Bottom line: Find what’s calming for you and stick with it. Your life could depend on it.
Related:
Click:
Heart Attack Symptoms Women Ignore
Do Married People—Especially Women—Have Healthier Hearts? Yes, New Study Finds.
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Source: European Heart Journal
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Survey Says:
Having Three Kids is the Most Stressful
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There is no doubt that once you have kids, your stress level will go up. I know that I am more stressed and it's totally understandable. As a parent, you're now responsible for the lives of others. You have their nutrition, happiness, safety, education, and social life all in your hands and if you've got a perfectionist personality, it can get very stressful.
It certainly doesn't help that there is a lot of criticism that comes with parenting. We get it from experts, from friends, from family, and other moms. Everyone seems to have an opinion on how to "do it right" that it's no wonder that the stress just keeps piling on.
Related: 6 reasons sibling rivalry is actually good for kids
Parenting is quite an adjustment and with each new child added to the family, a new routine has to be found. That alone can be stressful, but I believe that it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. A survey that was released exclusively by TODAYMoms.com , asked more than 7,000 moms to answer questions online based on stress-levels and mothering. The results - they were interesting:
Average Stress Level
The moms who took the survey were asked on a scale of 1-to-10, how stressed did they consider themselves (with 10 being the most stressed). The result: the average mom put themselves at an 8.5.
Self-Pressure vs Others
The moms surveyed said they were more stressed out by the pressure they put on themselves to be perfect vs the pressure and judgement they get from other moms.
Stress From Partner
This stat I found quite interesting -- 46% of the mothers surveyed said they are more stressed by their husband/partner than they are of their kids.
Stress Stress
This figure from the survey proves to me that moms are way too hard on themselves. 72% of moms stressed about how stressed they were.
Biggest Cause of Stress
The mothers surveyed said their biggest reason for their stress was not having enough time to do everything. 60% of the participants answered this for their number one stress.
Girls vs Boys
60 percent of the moms answered that raising girls was more stressful than raising boys.
Fit and Attractive
Nine out of 10 moms surveyed said they were stressed about staying fit and attractive. While I think it's good to worry about being healthy, this seems like far too much importance, but I totally would fit in that category.
Three is the Most Stressful Number
Mothers of three children stress more than moms of one or two, while mothers of four or more children actually report lower stress levels. Apparently the more you have -- the less you stress out. Good to know!
For me personally, when we added a third child to the family, I didn't find this transition nearly as difficult as I did going from zero to one. That was the biggest adjustment for me as I was learning how to mother, how to read cues, function on little sleep, navigate all the conflicting parenting information, and trying to find my groove. When we had baby number 2, I was still relatively new at the whole mothering thing, but I was already in the groove. By the time I had three kids, that transition was the easiest for me because I already felt like I knew what I was doing.
It's amazing what that confidence can do for a stress-level. I have never really felt too much stress about being the "perfect mom," but I always feel like I am doing the best that I can. I am not afraid to make mistakes, apologize, learn from them, and move on without too much dwelling. I know that there is so much pressure put on us by others (and ourselves) to be that "perfect mom," but I have very quickly learned that most of us are all doing the best we can.
I asked my Facebook friends to share what number of kids was the hardest transition for them and the answers varied quite a lot:
"I only have one, but I would say 0 to dog was harder! ha." - Sunny
"1-2. With the first he just fit into our lives and we lived around his schedule. 2nd was harder as trying to do a baby schedule with sleeping and feeding while having a 4 year old wanting attention and to do things." - Nolie
"Going from 0-1 was SUCH a life adjustment. Going from 1-2 was easy because I already knew what to expect." - Jen
"I seriously don't think I could handle 3! 2 is good for me and I didn't find either transition difficult. I think at this point the biggest hurdle is money and time. At what point does'one more' affect the others abilities to be involved in organized activities etc. I think that was the biggest deciding factor for us to stop at 2." - Jacqueline
"1-2 because you are then out numbered lol and 3-4 because your older ones are in sports and school and you are just pulled in so many different directions, all at the same time." - Summerlea
What was the hardest transition for you? Is there a number of kids you think you'd just get used to it or is there a "too many" limit for you?
- By Devan McGuinness
Follow Devan at Babble
For 7 things I refuse to feel guilty about as a parent, visit Babble!
MORE ON BABBLE
15 things you should NEVER say to a mom of multiples
25 horrifying photos of stuff kids have ruined
25 things every kid should experience
11 mistakes all parents make (even the perfect ones!)
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Source: TODAYMoms.com
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The 10 Proven Ways to Improve Your Relationship
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Do you feel like your relationship isn't quite what it used to be? To help you revive your relationship, we've reviewed a serious body of research to bring you the 10 most powerful, scientifically proven ways to improve virtually any relationship. These tips also happen to be the key ingredients that go into making a good relationship work, so even if you think everything's great, you can use this list as a diagnostic tool to make sure you and your partner are on the road to relationship bliss.
Solidify your friendship
Solidify = make stronger; reinforce
How satisfied you feel in your relationship has to do with how connected you feel to your partner.
Spend time with each other. In any marriage, when the children come, it can get so busy that both parents are spending time together (much) less than before. Solution: schedule at least one weekly evening to go out together to have private time. Once a month schedule an overnight "trip" (even in a local motel/hotel). Any marriage needs the time together.
Also, research suggests that our ability to connect with others (our attachment style) is influenced by our childhood experiences. According to Prior and Glasser (2006), 65% of children can be classified as having a secure attachment style, with the remaining 35% having an insecure attachment style.
As an adult, an insecure attachment style is associated with a slew of relationship troubles, including jealousy, obsession, and emotional highs and lows. The good news is that, regardless of your present pattern, you can become more securely attached, or connected, to your partner by developing a deeper friendship. To do that, incrementally spend more time with her doing something you both enjoy. Also, regularly ask for updates on your partner's likes, dislikes, current stressors, and new interests, as people change over time.
Appreciate each other
Remember when you first started dating, how you used to go that extra mile to impress her? Well, one of the secrets to a long, fulfilling relationship is to continue to actively appreciate your partner. You don't necessarily have to pull out all the stops the way you did back in the day, but regular efforts to show your partner that you appreciate her will do wonders for improving your relationship.
If you're not sure where to start, a good place is by doling out daily compliments. Tell her she looks hot or thank her for organizational abilities when she reminds you to call your mother. The only rule is to make sure that you genuinely mean what you say.
Concentrate on the present to ensure your future
Interestingly, the ability of your relationship to weather tough times has a lot to do with your mutual availability in the here and now. Unfortunately, over time, for a variety of reasons, many couples move further apart from each other, meaning that when a rough patch hits, their relationship doesn't survive. To build a rock-solid relationship, start by acknowledging rather than ignoring the ordinary moments in your relationship. If your partner wants to share something she's reading on the net, for example, take a minute to listen, even if you simply grunt in response. It may sound strange, but if you accumulate enough of the little things, when you really need your partner, you'll find she's there for you.
Don't distort
Researchers have known for a long time that unhappy couples focus on the negatives in their relationships. An early study by Robinson and Price (1980) found that unhappy couples underestimated the occurrence of pleasurable events in their relationships by 50%. Also, Fincham, Beach and Baucom (1987) found that individuals in distressed relationships were prone to attributing negative intentions to their partner's behavior.
If you find yourself stuck in this rut of distorted thinking, the next time you have a negative thought about something your partner has done try to come up with a more neutral explanation for her actions. Another strategy is to consider whether you would judge yourself so harshly if the situation were reversed. Finally, remind yourself often of the good times you've spent together recently.
Share power
When a man is not willing to share power with his relationship partner, John Gottman's research indicates there is an 81% chance that his relationship will self-destruct. While hoarding power may have got you ahead in your career, this strategy will backfire in your relationship because your girlfriend will end up feeling like her opinions aren't valuable and she doesn't matter to you. To help save your relationship, develop a more accepting attitude toward compromise. Practice by giving in on issues you don't feel extremely invested in.
Find common goals
A study conducted in collaboration with a dating site in the UK found that 13% of couples reported no longer having the same goals. This situation represents a ticking time bomb, as research has shown that couples who share dreams and goals have longer-lasting, more satisfying relationships. If you feel like you've been out of sync lately with your partner on this front, discuss your philosophy of life together. The aim is for both of you to share what you want your life to be about, where you want to end up and what these things mean to you. Look for anything that's common between the two of you and talk about ways to work toward that aspiration together.
Understand anger
While outbursts of anger are common even in healthy relationships, when anger becomes an entrenched part of your couple life, you should be concerned. Sue Johnson, master therapist and pioneer of emotion-focused therapy, an empirically validated treatment for distressed relationships, refers to anger as a secondary emotion. Her theory holds that other (primary) emotions, such as sadness or a fear of being abandoned, can be found behind an angry front.
Think back to the last argument you had with your partner and use this new knowledge to look for hidden messages in what you and your partner were each trying to communicate. Attempting to disregard the angry tone you both used and trying to tune in to what you were each really trying to say will help you to see that you both have needs in your relationship that make sense. For instance, "You're a workaholic!" might really mean "I miss you and want to spend more time with you."
Atavistic behavior in all us humans
Also, realize in all humans the atavistic (Latin atavus, ancestor) - animal like "run or fight" emotions kick in first in any (uncontrolled) argument causing potential physical violence - this emotion stays on for about 30 min. - then the rational part of our brains take control. Solution: knowing this, both of you, decide together that in any argument you will stay polite (no voice raising) and realize it is time to walk away for 30 min. and continue solving the difference with rational part of brain dominating. This info is important to avoid any violence whether mental or physical and to solve any difficulty in an effective, civilized manner.
Break negative cycles
Troubled relationships tend to follow a demand-withdraw pattern. That means that one person tends to be more critical and demanding, while the other tends to withdraw or shut down in response to conflict. Douglas Tilley, a proponent of emotion-focused therapy, notes that 85% of the time men tend to be the withdrawer. The reason may be biological -- men's cardiovascular systems are more responsive to stress, so tuning out your mate is an attempt to avoid uncomfortable sensations. To break the negative pattern of conflict in your relationship, next time things get heated, let your partner know what's going on with you by saying: "I can see this issue is important to you. I'm feeling too angry to discuss it right now, though, so let's come back to it once we've cooled off."
Focus on what's fixable
As long as an argument doesn't leave you feeling like you've been through an emotional roller coaster, consider it fixable. One major area that causes tension in relationships is finances, with a longitudinal study by economist Jay Zagorsky finding that 33% of couples have seriously divergent views on income, wealth and debts. In particular, the initial stages of living together may be especially fraught with monetary concerns. So that this problem doesn't spiral out of control, sit down with your other half and craft a detailed action plan, consulting any resources that might help to get your finances on track. You should both be able to live with the new arrangement or it won't work. Use this method to address any other problems in your life that you deem fixable.
Accept the unsolvable
Unfortunately, according to relationship scientist John Gottman, 69% of relationship conflicts are persistent problems, meaning they revolve around issues that tend to resurface no matter how long you've been together. If you find a problem seems to call up painful emotions, you're looking at one that's persistent.
To stop this trouble from ruining your relationship, you'll need to address the bigger issues underlying your difficulty. Take turns discussing with your partner what this loaded issue really means to you. When your partner is talking, your job is to listen, be nonjudgmental and to find something in her perspective that makes sense to you. When it's your turn to talk, she should be doing the same thing. By treading more gently into touchy areas, you should at least be able to agree to disagree or make some small concessions for one another.
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Source: MoneyTalks
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This info can improve your relationship
Help for Couples Who Disagree
About Sleep Temperature
Prices are from 2013
Products Claim to Keep People Comfortably Cool in Bed
Mattress makers and other marketers of a good night's sleep are selling what they think is a must-have—a cold bed.
With names like Arctic, Glacier and Chillow, mattresses and accessories are promising to help people fall asleep and stay asleep by keeping beds cool. Nearly every major bedding maker now offers at least one product designed to regulate bed temperature.
Bed temperature, it seems, is almost as bad as snoring when it comes to the issues two people can face when trying to stay comfortable in the same bed night after night. One person who is overheated and restlessly kicking off covers makes the other person unhappy, too. The Better Sleep Council, an arm of the International Sleep Products Association trade group, surveyed couples about sleep problems last year and found bedroom temperature was their most common complaint (43%) followed by tossing and turning (40%).
The Sleep Number i8 bed (king size starts $4,100)Manufacturers are losing no time trying to restore peace with a battalion of cooling mattresses and other products such as mattress-top "layers" with remote controls, fans to circulate air from beneath the bed, two-zone comforters and water-filled pillow pads.
Technology tends to focus on the overheated partner by making the bed cooler. After all, the chilly person has plenty of low-tech options—extra blankets, warmer pajamas—to maintain a toasty sleeping environment.
A bed is at room temperature until someone lies down on it, and then, even in cool surroundings, it takes on a sleeping person's body heat and eventually can start to feel too hot. Mattresses with cooling capabilities typically claim to maintain a surface temperature in the 85-to-90 degree Fahrenheit range—well below the normal 98.6-degree human.
Brookstone offers the ChiliPad, a temperature-control mattress pad that uses a water-circulation system. At first, Brookstone thought it would appeal to people trying to save on energy costs for heating or cooling their bedrooms. But the product has taken off with couples looking to individualize bed temperature. "We're always looking for harmony under the covers," says David Figler, Brookstone's operational vice president. "Brookstone wants to save marriages."
In April, Sleep Number, a line of adjustable-firmness beds from Select Comfort Corp., introduced the DualTemp "layer," which lays on top of the mattress under the fitted sheet and helps regulate temperature. With two remote controls and two heating-cooling units to fan air up and through its two halves, it costs $1,900 in king size.
"No two people are alike, yet most people sleep on a bed that's identical on both sides," says Pete Bils, vice president of sleep innovation and clinical research for Sleep Number. "The more you can individualize your sleeping environment, the better you're going to sleep."
Figuring it takes most people from five to 16 minutes to fall asleep, Tempur Sealy International Inc.offers a line of Sealy Posturepedic foam-and-innerspring beds with a heat-capturing technologycalled OptiCool. The mattresses feel cool to the touch for about 20 minutes.
"Most people roll over and move around in their sleep, so if you go to a spot 6 inches away, it will be cool," says David Moret, vice president of research and development for Sealy. Meanwhile, the spot you just vacated will feel cool again after about 20 minutes. "Through the sheets you can definitely feel it, too," he adds. The company is planning an ad campaign next week for the mattresses. Prices for a queen-size set start at $1,299.
Cooling beds really can benefit "hot sleepers," a group that includes women during menopause, people with fast metabolisms and overweight people, says Joseph Ojile, who runs the Clayton Sleep Institute, a St. Louis treatment and research center that doesn't work with bedding or mattress makers. "People generally do better when they try to go to sleep in a cooler, darker room than they do in a hot room," Dr. Ojile says.
A survey last year by the nonprofit National Sleep Foundation found some 67% of consumers said a cool bedroom temperature is important to a good night's sleep. Yet only 17% of consumers blamed their mattresses for an uncomfortable temperature.
"We can't affect the light in the room, or the noise, but we kept hearing about sleep temperature, and we as a sleep community jumped on that," says Scott Smalling, chief of specialty innovations at Simmons Bedding Co. It introduced AirCool technology last year in a Beautyrest innerspring mattress that starts at $1,399 and in a Comforpedic memory-foam mattresses that starts at $1,299. TruTemp gel inside the Simmons mattresses is said to absorb heat and release it back into the bed as needed. The target temperature range for the bed's surface, according to a Simmons sales training video, is 82 to 88 degrees.
Some say the cold-bed trend began in 2011, when Serta introduced a foam bed called iComfort with Cool Action gel. The bed addressed a common complaint about memory foam, the previous big new mattress technology—namely that it can make the bed feel overheated. Foam, an insulator, retains body heat at night and can make some sleepers feel too hot, Serta says.
Researchers at mattress maker Kingsdown Inc. tested its Blu-Tek line, including mattresses with names like Winter, Polar, Arctic, Glacier and Peak, using a mannequin called Rod, who was named for the heating element in his back.
They placed Rod on a bed and watched, via infrared camera, as the mannequin warmed up and heat dispersed into a mattress featuring the company's Cool Wave fabric-and-foam surface, with hundreds of pinholes where cool air can enter and warm air escape. Beneath that surface, a gear-like mesh of foam promotes additional airflow. Tests with Rod, and later with humans, helped the Blu-Tek mattresses reach a cool-off rate that Kingsdown says was 30% faster than that of standard mattresses.
Robert Oexman, Kingsdown's vice president of strategic development and research and a chiropractor in private practice treating patients with sleep problems, says he advises couples withtemperature conflicts to use separate sheets and blankets. His research found this helped reducesleep disturbances by 79%. "When I get too warm I shove the blankets and sheets off of me, and when I'm cold I'm grabbing them," says Dr. Oexman. "That is disturbing my partner."
The Tempur-Pedic foam-mattress line, also from Tempur Sealy, last year introduced Breeze technology, which promises to pull excess heat away from sleepers. "Tempur-Pedic has been looking for ways to optimize climate for a long time," says Rick Anderson, president of Tempur-Pedic North America. He says more consumers complain about being too hot on innerspring mattresses than on foam. The manmade material may lose its firmness soor
At Get-A-Mattress, a giant retail showroom in Arroyo Grande, Calif., only about 10% of customers come to the store specifically looking for a cooling mattress, says Jimi Breazeale, president of the SLO World Inc. unit. "They're trained to come in and ask for firmness or support," he says, but when they hear about cooling, they're sold.
Luxury mattress maker E.S. Kluft & Co. has been pitching the temperature-regulating benefits of its natural-fiber mattresses for years. Some are stuffed with up to 20 pounds of high-grade wool and cost more than $33,000.
Even so, the company last year rolled out a new line of beds with "airegelle" cooling technology, with prices up to $8,000.
"We need to be in that game right now," says Earl Kluft, chief executive. He adds, "Now you wouldn't think of buying a TV without a remote control. This is going to happen with these beds."
Help for Couples Who Disagree
About Sleep Temperature
Prices are from 2013
Products Claim to Keep People Comfortably Cool in Bed
Mattress makers and other marketers of a good night's sleep are selling what they think is a must-have—a cold bed.
With names like Arctic, Glacier and Chillow, mattresses and accessories are promising to help people fall asleep and stay asleep by keeping beds cool. Nearly every major bedding maker now offers at least one product designed to regulate bed temperature.
Bed temperature, it seems, is almost as bad as snoring when it comes to the issues two people can face when trying to stay comfortable in the same bed night after night. One person who is overheated and restlessly kicking off covers makes the other person unhappy, too. The Better Sleep Council, an arm of the International Sleep Products Association trade group, surveyed couples about sleep problems last year and found bedroom temperature was their most common complaint (43%) followed by tossing and turning (40%).
The Sleep Number i8 bed (king size starts $4,100)Manufacturers are losing no time trying to restore peace with a battalion of cooling mattresses and other products such as mattress-top "layers" with remote controls, fans to circulate air from beneath the bed, two-zone comforters and water-filled pillow pads.
Technology tends to focus on the overheated partner by making the bed cooler. After all, the chilly person has plenty of low-tech options—extra blankets, warmer pajamas—to maintain a toasty sleeping environment.
A bed is at room temperature until someone lies down on it, and then, even in cool surroundings, it takes on a sleeping person's body heat and eventually can start to feel too hot. Mattresses with cooling capabilities typically claim to maintain a surface temperature in the 85-to-90 degree Fahrenheit range—well below the normal 98.6-degree human.
Brookstone offers the ChiliPad, a temperature-control mattress pad that uses a water-circulation system. At first, Brookstone thought it would appeal to people trying to save on energy costs for heating or cooling their bedrooms. But the product has taken off with couples looking to individualize bed temperature. "We're always looking for harmony under the covers," says David Figler, Brookstone's operational vice president. "Brookstone wants to save marriages."
In April, Sleep Number, a line of adjustable-firmness beds from Select Comfort Corp., introduced the DualTemp "layer," which lays on top of the mattress under the fitted sheet and helps regulate temperature. With two remote controls and two heating-cooling units to fan air up and through its two halves, it costs $1,900 in king size.
"No two people are alike, yet most people sleep on a bed that's identical on both sides," says Pete Bils, vice president of sleep innovation and clinical research for Sleep Number. "The more you can individualize your sleeping environment, the better you're going to sleep."
Figuring it takes most people from five to 16 minutes to fall asleep, Tempur Sealy International Inc.offers a line of Sealy Posturepedic foam-and-innerspring beds with a heat-capturing technologycalled OptiCool. The mattresses feel cool to the touch for about 20 minutes.
"Most people roll over and move around in their sleep, so if you go to a spot 6 inches away, it will be cool," says David Moret, vice president of research and development for Sealy. Meanwhile, the spot you just vacated will feel cool again after about 20 minutes. "Through the sheets you can definitely feel it, too," he adds. The company is planning an ad campaign next week for the mattresses. Prices for a queen-size set start at $1,299.
Cooling beds really can benefit "hot sleepers," a group that includes women during menopause, people with fast metabolisms and overweight people, says Joseph Ojile, who runs the Clayton Sleep Institute, a St. Louis treatment and research center that doesn't work with bedding or mattress makers. "People generally do better when they try to go to sleep in a cooler, darker room than they do in a hot room," Dr. Ojile says.
A survey last year by the nonprofit National Sleep Foundation found some 67% of consumers said a cool bedroom temperature is important to a good night's sleep. Yet only 17% of consumers blamed their mattresses for an uncomfortable temperature.
"We can't affect the light in the room, or the noise, but we kept hearing about sleep temperature, and we as a sleep community jumped on that," says Scott Smalling, chief of specialty innovations at Simmons Bedding Co. It introduced AirCool technology last year in a Beautyrest innerspring mattress that starts at $1,399 and in a Comforpedic memory-foam mattresses that starts at $1,299. TruTemp gel inside the Simmons mattresses is said to absorb heat and release it back into the bed as needed. The target temperature range for the bed's surface, according to a Simmons sales training video, is 82 to 88 degrees.
Some say the cold-bed trend began in 2011, when Serta introduced a foam bed called iComfort with Cool Action gel. The bed addressed a common complaint about memory foam, the previous big new mattress technology—namely that it can make the bed feel overheated. Foam, an insulator, retains body heat at night and can make some sleepers feel too hot, Serta says.
Researchers at mattress maker Kingsdown Inc. tested its Blu-Tek line, including mattresses with names like Winter, Polar, Arctic, Glacier and Peak, using a mannequin called Rod, who was named for the heating element in his back.
They placed Rod on a bed and watched, via infrared camera, as the mannequin warmed up and heat dispersed into a mattress featuring the company's Cool Wave fabric-and-foam surface, with hundreds of pinholes where cool air can enter and warm air escape. Beneath that surface, a gear-like mesh of foam promotes additional airflow. Tests with Rod, and later with humans, helped the Blu-Tek mattresses reach a cool-off rate that Kingsdown says was 30% faster than that of standard mattresses.
Robert Oexman, Kingsdown's vice president of strategic development and research and a chiropractor in private practice treating patients with sleep problems, says he advises couples withtemperature conflicts to use separate sheets and blankets. His research found this helped reducesleep disturbances by 79%. "When I get too warm I shove the blankets and sheets off of me, and when I'm cold I'm grabbing them," says Dr. Oexman. "That is disturbing my partner."
The Tempur-Pedic foam-mattress line, also from Tempur Sealy, last year introduced Breeze technology, which promises to pull excess heat away from sleepers. "Tempur-Pedic has been looking for ways to optimize climate for a long time," says Rick Anderson, president of Tempur-Pedic North America. He says more consumers complain about being too hot on innerspring mattresses than on foam. The manmade material may lose its firmness soor
At Get-A-Mattress, a giant retail showroom in Arroyo Grande, Calif., only about 10% of customers come to the store specifically looking for a cooling mattress, says Jimi Breazeale, president of the SLO World Inc. unit. "They're trained to come in and ask for firmness or support," he says, but when they hear about cooling, they're sold.
Luxury mattress maker E.S. Kluft & Co. has been pitching the temperature-regulating benefits of its natural-fiber mattresses for years. Some are stuffed with up to 20 pounds of high-grade wool and cost more than $33,000.
Even so, the company last year rolled out a new line of beds with "airegelle" cooling technology, with prices up to $8,000.
"We need to be in that game right now," says Earl Kluft, chief executive. He adds, "Now you wouldn't think of buying a TV without a remote control. This is going to happen with these beds."
- (Click: How to Control Your Heirs From the Grave ________________________________________________
Important, practical, realistic information - will help to know and apply
7 Things that Can Affect Your Sex Life
Click green for further info
Source: The International Journal of Impotence Research
His Belt Size
Over the years, his waistline has stealthily expanded (whose hasn't?), but you've never let it get between you and a great sex life. The surprise: His extra weight may actually have tipped the balance in your favor. Fat men last longer--so finds a study published in The International Journal of Impotence Research showing that men with a higher body mass could make love for more than seven minutes on average, versus less than two for their fitter and slimmer peers. Body fat may protect against premature ejaculation because it contains high levels of the sex hormone estradiol, which slows down a man's ability to ejaculate. (Note: There's a sweet spot--levels that are too high may lead to erectile dysfunction, a condition more common in obese men.)
RELATED Click: Appreciate Your Partner
The Wrong Pocket Rocket
Your super-charged, jelly-rubber rabbit may be turning you off--you just don't know it yet. Some sex toys (seven out of eight in a study by the Netherlands Organization for Applied Scientific Research) contain dangerously high concentrations of phthalates, which are new-car-smelling industrial chemicals that make plastic soft, squishy and easily molded into bumps, ridges and pearls. Problem is, phthalate exposure--and the genital tract is especially vulnerable--is associated with serious health problems, including lower testosterone levels (which may affect sex drive), lower sperm counts and even certain cancers. The jury is out on the chemicals' exact toll on life and libido, but better vibes come from safer materials: medical-grade silicone, glass, metal and wood (or rolling a condom over a trusty old fave that you suspect has phthalates*). *) Phthalates or phthalate esters, are esters of phthalic acid and are mainly used as plasticizers (substances added to plastics to increase their flexibility, ...
Phthalate - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phthalate
A Drafty Bedroom Window
Men aren't the only ones whose extremities need warming up. Women's do, too--down there, waydown there. In an orgasm study at the University of Groningen, half the couples were unable to make it to climax. The problem was cold feet, literally. Once socks were offered, the success rate shot up to 80 percent. Comfort is key--and the area of the brain associated with genital sensation is right next-door to the one associated with feeling in the feet, writes Daniel Amen, MD, in his book Unleash the Power of the Female Brain.
A Drafty Bedroom Window
Men aren't the only ones whose extremities need warming up. Women's do, too--down there, waydown there. In an orgasm study at the University of Groningen, half the couples were unable to make it to climax. The problem was cold feet, literally. Once socks were offered, the success rate shot up to 80 percent. Comfort is key--and the area of the brain associated with genital sensation is right next-door to the one associated with feeling in the feet, writes Daniel Amen, MD, in his book Unleash the Power of the Female Brain.
City Streets in Summer
More specifically, any foul odor--a public restroom, old squeegees, fish bits or any other nose-wrinkler--primes the subconscious to send you a message: "Protect yourself!" The result ofspending time in a stinky space is that we unthinkingly have safer sex, finds a study at the University of New Mexico. Men and women sitting in a room that smelled (they were told a sewage pipe broke) reported significantly greater intentions to use condoms than those in a normal-smelling room. An innate disease-avoidance mechanism kicks in--which (if an off odor doesn't turn us off completely) could lead to fewer STIs and unplanned pregnancies.
Baby-of-the-Family Status
How many lovers do you hope for in your lifetime? How many for your partner? Your answers (partly) depend on your birth order, finds a study at Florida Atlantic University. Firstborns desire fewer sex partners on average (four) than their younger siblings (13). In general, firstborns focus on long-term goals like having kids earlier in life, while the younger sibs more often pursue short-term sexual strategies. The explanation: The eldest identifies more with parents and the status-quo norms; the others don't have the same expectations and limitations. (In case you're worried: While later-borns may desire more lovers overall, there's no evidence that they're likelier to cheat.)
Low-Riding Handlebars
We've long known that long-distance bike riding is bad for a man's sex life (heat, pressure, friction = lower sperm count and erectile dysfunction). But women who ride a racing-style bike with handlebars lower than the saddle for more than 10 miles weekly have a serious problem, too--a sustained loss of feeling in their genitals--finds a study at Texas A&M Health Science Center. That sleek, forward-leaning position puts undue pressure on the soft tissues of the perineum and pelvic floor. Riding this way, you may be the hottest, fastest thing on the road but slower to warm up in bed. Better for your sex life: the upright 50's-style ride lovingly known as the "Granny."
The Three-Cent Thing He Never Uses
When a man doesn't floss, bad breath isn't the only problem that can affect his sex life, finds a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Those with gum disease--an all-too-common result of dental neglect--are more than three times likelier to have erectile dysfunction than those with healthier mouths. Unflossed gums harbor bacteria that can enter the bloodstream. This clogs blood vessels, which in turn reduces the blood supply to that crucial organ (oh, and the heart, too). Flossing: It stimulates more than gums.
Click green for further info
Source: The International Journal of Impotence Research
____________________________________________________
7 Things that Can Affect Your Sex Life
Click green for further info
Source: The International Journal of Impotence Research
His Belt Size
Over the years, his waistline has stealthily expanded (whose hasn't?), but you've never let it get between you and a great sex life. The surprise: His extra weight may actually have tipped the balance in your favor. Fat men last longer--so finds a study published in The International Journal of Impotence Research showing that men with a higher body mass could make love for more than seven minutes on average, versus less than two for their fitter and slimmer peers. Body fat may protect against premature ejaculation because it contains high levels of the sex hormone estradiol, which slows down a man's ability to ejaculate. (Note: There's a sweet spot--levels that are too high may lead to erectile dysfunction, a condition more common in obese men.)
RELATED Click: Appreciate Your Partner
The Wrong Pocket Rocket
Your super-charged, jelly-rubber rabbit may be turning you off--you just don't know it yet. Some sex toys (seven out of eight in a study by the Netherlands Organization for Applied Scientific Research) contain dangerously high concentrations of phthalates, which are new-car-smelling industrial chemicals that make plastic soft, squishy and easily molded into bumps, ridges and pearls. Problem is, phthalate exposure--and the genital tract is especially vulnerable--is associated with serious health problems, including lower testosterone levels (which may affect sex drive), lower sperm counts and even certain cancers. The jury is out on the chemicals' exact toll on life and libido, but better vibes come from safer materials: medical-grade silicone, glass, metal and wood (or rolling a condom over a trusty old fave that you suspect has phthalates*). *) Phthalates or phthalate esters, are esters of phthalic acid and are mainly used as plasticizers (substances added to plastics to increase their flexibility, ...
Phthalate - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phthalate
A Drafty Bedroom Window
Men aren't the only ones whose extremities need warming up. Women's do, too--down there, waydown there. In an orgasm study at the University of Groningen, half the couples were unable to make it to climax. The problem was cold feet, literally. Once socks were offered, the success rate shot up to 80 percent. Comfort is key--and the area of the brain associated with genital sensation is right next-door to the one associated with feeling in the feet, writes Daniel Amen, MD, in his book Unleash the Power of the Female Brain.
A Drafty Bedroom Window
Men aren't the only ones whose extremities need warming up. Women's do, too--down there, waydown there. In an orgasm study at the University of Groningen, half the couples were unable to make it to climax. The problem was cold feet, literally. Once socks were offered, the success rate shot up to 80 percent. Comfort is key--and the area of the brain associated with genital sensation is right next-door to the one associated with feeling in the feet, writes Daniel Amen, MD, in his book Unleash the Power of the Female Brain.
City Streets in Summer
More specifically, any foul odor--a public restroom, old squeegees, fish bits or any other nose-wrinkler--primes the subconscious to send you a message: "Protect yourself!" The result ofspending time in a stinky space is that we unthinkingly have safer sex, finds a study at the University of New Mexico. Men and women sitting in a room that smelled (they were told a sewage pipe broke) reported significantly greater intentions to use condoms than those in a normal-smelling room. An innate disease-avoidance mechanism kicks in--which (if an off odor doesn't turn us off completely) could lead to fewer STIs and unplanned pregnancies.
Baby-of-the-Family Status
How many lovers do you hope for in your lifetime? How many for your partner? Your answers (partly) depend on your birth order, finds a study at Florida Atlantic University. Firstborns desire fewer sex partners on average (four) than their younger siblings (13). In general, firstborns focus on long-term goals like having kids earlier in life, while the younger sibs more often pursue short-term sexual strategies. The explanation: The eldest identifies more with parents and the status-quo norms; the others don't have the same expectations and limitations. (In case you're worried: While later-borns may desire more lovers overall, there's no evidence that they're likelier to cheat.)
Low-Riding Handlebars
We've long known that long-distance bike riding is bad for a man's sex life (heat, pressure, friction = lower sperm count and erectile dysfunction). But women who ride a racing-style bike with handlebars lower than the saddle for more than 10 miles weekly have a serious problem, too--a sustained loss of feeling in their genitals--finds a study at Texas A&M Health Science Center. That sleek, forward-leaning position puts undue pressure on the soft tissues of the perineum and pelvic floor. Riding this way, you may be the hottest, fastest thing on the road but slower to warm up in bed. Better for your sex life: the upright 50's-style ride lovingly known as the "Granny."
The Three-Cent Thing He Never Uses
When a man doesn't floss, bad breath isn't the only problem that can affect his sex life, finds a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Those with gum disease--an all-too-common result of dental neglect--are more than three times likelier to have erectile dysfunction than those with healthier mouths. Unflossed gums harbor bacteria that can enter the bloodstream. This clogs blood vessels, which in turn reduces the blood supply to that crucial organ (oh, and the heart, too). Flossing: It stimulates more than gums.
Click green for further info
Source: The International Journal of Impotence Research
____________________________________________________
Article 1 of 2 - Article 2 of 2 next below Health info
Does Cunnilingus give you cancer
Cunnilingus: Stimulation of the female genitals using the tongue or lips
cunnilingus, New Latin, from Latin, one who licks the vulva, from cunnus vulva + lingere to lick; cunnilinctus, New Latin,
from Latin cunnus + linctus, act of licking, from lingere — more at lick First Known Use: 1887
Click green for further info
Michael Douglas, who was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2010, says oral sex was the cause. But what's the risk?
Actors are often accused of being irritatingly reticent about their private lives – unwilling to satisfy fans' and journalists' curiosity about aspects of their life off the film sets.
But that's not something that can be said of Michael Douglas' latest interview, with Xan Brooks, for the Guardian. Asked whether he ascribed his 2010 throat cancer diagnosis to a lifetime of drinking and smoking, he replied particularly frankly:
"No. Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus."
"I did worry if the stress caused by my son's incarceration didn't help trigger it. But yeah, it's a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it."
So, now that's out there, how much of it is true? Is oral sex linked to mouth and throat cancers? Is there a difference between the genders? And what can be done? We've dug into the stats – especially this NHS guide – to dig out a few answers.
HPV and you
There are more than 100 variants of HPV, otherwise known as the human papilloma virus, and they appear in different parts of the body and manifest in different ways – some, for example, can cause warts (including genital warts), while in most cases most appear symptomless.
Some are spread simply by skin-to-skin contact, while others are typically spread during sex. It's these latter types that are typically found in the mouth, suggesting that when HPV is found in the mouth, it's probably got there as a result of oral sex. HPV can also be spread to the relevant areas through vaginal and anal sex.
HPV is really, really common – to the point that if you're a sexually active adult, you've probably had it. By the age of 25, 90% of sexually active people will have been exposed to some form of genital HPV (whether high or low risk), almost none of whom will ever have had any visible warts or other symptoms.
HPV and cancer
Around 15 types of HPV are linked to increased cancer risk, and it's been associated with oral cancers, cervical and vaginal cancers, as well as anal and penile cancers.
HPV increases cancer risk, but can't be explictly said to have caused any particular cancers (though some variants are HPV-related and others not): just because someone with cancer also has HPV doesn't necessarily mean they wouldn't have got it anyway.
It's also a long-term risk factor: over years and decades the risk is increased, rather than overnight.
When it comes to oral cancers, here's a rough guide to the statistics. In 2010, around 6,000 people were diagnosed. For comparison, in 2010 there were also 2,850 diagnoses of cervical cancer and 49,900 diagnoses of breast cancer.
Noting the above caveats, it's calculated that between 25% and 35% of oral cancers are HPV-related – meaning it seems to be involved in somewhere between 1,500 to 2,000 diagnoses a year.
Men vs women
So – is cunnilingus inherently riskier than fellatio? While studies on sex differences aren't entirely clear, a US study found the prevalence of HPV in the mouths of men was 10%, versus 3.6% for women. Overall, HPV-related oral cancers are most common in heterosexual men in their 40s and 50s, leading the NHS guide to conclude that:
This indicates that performing cunnilingus (oral sex on a woman) is more risky that performing fellatio (oral sex on a man). This seems counterintuitive, but the concentration of HPV in the thinner moist skin of the vulva is mugh higher than the amounts of virus shed from the thicker dry skin of the penis, and this affects how easy it is to pass the virus on.
The HPV vaccine
Teenage girls in the UK and elsewhere are now vaccinated against HPV, which should in time both protect themselves from cervical cancers and – it's believed but not yet been demonstrated – future partners from HPV-related oral cancers.
Evidence from Australia suggests things are working, with genital warts (a good short-term proxy) falling markedly in women and heterosexual men in the years after the introduction of a vaccine.
The one group the current vaccination programme does nothing to protect, of course, is men who have sex with men – who are at increased risk of several cancers due to HPV.
So ... smoking's exonerated?
Douglas used HPV to exonerate smoking for his particular cancer. Unfortunately, the evidence suggests he wasn't quite right to do so. Most people rid themselves of HPV within a few years of catching it – but smoking disrupts this process, meaning the virus remains for far longer in smokers than non-smokers, increasing their risk of HPV-related cancers of all varieties.
Smoking is also, of course, a substantial risk factor for non HPV-related oral cancers, as well as lung cancer.
Staying safe
Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be much research evidence to back up Douglas' claim that the cure for throat cancer is still more cunnilingus.
One thing that can help, though, is using a condom or a dam during oral sex, the NHS says. It also helps protect against other orally-transmitted STDs too, such as chlamydia and gonorrhoea.
Click green for further info
Source: Internet news
_________________________________
Article 2 of 2 - Article 1 of 2 just above
Health info
Throat Cancer Link to Oral Sex Gains Notice
Same topic as above in the article 1 of 2 - here with more science details as this is an important matter
Click green for further info
For many years, smoking and drinking were considered the dominant risk factors for cancers of the throat. But on Monday, The Guardian, a British newspaper, reported that the actor Michael Douglas believed that his throat cancer was caused by an infection acquired during oral sex, highlighting a trend that has alarmed many scientists.
Mr. Douglas, 68, had previously speculated that years of smoking and drinking played a role in his disease, and his spokesman later said that although the actor had discussed oral sex’s link to cancer, he did not say it was the cause of his own cancer. But The Guardian quoted Mr. Douglas as saying, “Without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV, which actually comes from cunnilingus.”
Indeed, in recent years scientists have documented a steep rise in throat cancers caused by a strain of HPV that can be transmitted through oral sex. The virus, human papillomavirus Type 16, also causes many cases of cervical cancer in women.
In the 1980s, only a small number of throat cancers were linked to HPV infection. Historically, patients who developed the disease were in their 70s and were heavy smokers and drinkers.
Now, about 70 percent of all throat cancers are caused by HPV, up from roughly 15 percent three decades ago. Patients are now more frequently middle-aged husbands and fathers who are economically well off, nonsmokers and not particularly heavy drinkers. Men are three times more likely to be diagnosed than women with HPV-related throat cancer.
There are many strains of HPV, and the virus is so common that at some point most sexually active adults are exposed to it. A majority of people fight off the infection and do not develop symptoms. But in a very small number of people chronic infection causes oropharyngeal cancers near the base of the tongue and the area just behind the mouth.
Throat cancers caused by HPV are easier to treat than those caused by tobacco, doctors say. Rates of these cancers are increasing but are still fairly uncommon, striking about 3 in 100,000 people. Studies have not proved that vaccines against HPV prevent throat cancers, but many doctors believe they will.
The cancers typically occur decades after initial infection with HPV, and the diagnosis can raise delicate questions for spouses who wonder how partners were infected and worry that they, too, may contract the virus.
“It is a sexually transmitted virus, so that by itself obviously creates uncomfortable discussions between my patients and their partners,” said Dr. Robert I. Haddad, the disease center leader of the head and neck oncology program at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston.
In 2009, Tony Simotes, 62, learned that he had a tumor in his throat, which was diagnosed as Stage 3 oropharyngeal cancer. Mr. Simotes had never been a smoker or a drinker. He and his wife, Lucy, were relieved at first to learn the cancer was HPV-related, because that raised the odds that he could be cured.
“But then I started going through all the motions of what does that mean for me, too?” said Ms. Simotes, 50. “Because this cancer came from a virus, and I may or may not have it.”
She said she had a Pap test that came back negative.
Because both partners had been previously married, they were comfortable discussing the cancer and its cause, said Mr. Simotes, the artistic director and president of Shakespeare & Company in Lenox, Mass. “We know that we’ve lived pretty full lives until we met each other,” he said. “The reality is that a lot of times people carry the virus and it doesn’t affect them.”
Mr. Simotes underwent chemotherapy and radiation, and his cancer is in remission.
In a study presented last weekend at a conference of the American Society of Clinical Oncology, Dr. Haddad and other researchers showed for the first time that the partners of people with throat cancers caused by HPV were not at greater risk of developing oral HPV infections themselves. The study involved more than 200 people followed for about a year.
Dr. Haddad said the findings suggest that spouses and longtime partners do not need to take special precautions or change their sexual behavior.
Click green for further info
Source: NYT
___________________________________________________________
Penis Enlargement Products Come up Short
This penis enlargement article is important and it is put here
to WARN that it is dangerous
and must not be done to any healthy person with a normal penis
study this article by specialists and you see the facts
Many men, married & single, think about this topic because they see misleading ads.
Simply put, there is no safe way to enlarge one's penis;
and for the vast majority of men, there is no reason to do so.
You were perhaps tempted to click but then recoiled with the thought of the five years' worth of pop-up ads you'd inevitably encounter. Smart move. For the health of your computer and your body, it's best to ignore the penis enlargement spam.
Simply put, there is no safe way to enlarge one's penis; and for the vast majority of men, there is no reason to do so.
While breast enhancement surgery is relatively safe, penis enlargement surgery is so dicey (= dangerous) that there's a very good chance a man will lose sensation or the ability to have an erection. Pills do nothing, and exercises are futile and potentially harmful.
Size may vary
Do penis sizes vary? Yes, but you have to get over that fact because ultimately it usually doesn't matter. The biggest difference is in the flaccid penis, averaging about 3 inches and varying between 1 and 4 inches for most men, as measured in many scientific studies from locations as diverse as United States, Germany, Nigeria, Iran and South Korea.
The flaccid penis is the root of insecurity, the so-called locker-room syndrome. His is bigger than mine. Flaccid length does not predict erect length, however, and most of the variation is made up once up: Most men measure between 5 and 6 inches when erect, regardless of the size starting out.
(If you're playing along at home, the measurement runs along the top part of the penis, from base to tip. Self-reported Internet-based surveys place the average well over 6 inches. Go figure.)
In vaginal sex, any erect penis longer than 4 inches is usually big enough to stimulate erogenous tissue in the vagina. A penis longer than 8 inches can ram into the cervix and cause discomfort.
All in your head
One of the largest studies on penis size, with more than 3,000 men, was published by Italian researchers in the International Journal of Impotence Research in 2002. They found that most men seeking penis enhancement were within the normal size range and greatly overestimated the size of an average penis: These men thought the average flaccid size was about 5 inches, with some venturing as high as 6.5 inches.
Where do guys get ideas about size? Pornography, largely, were the male performers are above average. A 7-inch erect penis would place you in the 99th percentile, according to the Italian study.
Urologists try to dissuade men from risky enlargement procedures through counseling and a frank discussion of the facts. Few urologists will attempt surgery on a man whose erect penis is larger than 3 inches.
Remember, if size mattered and if (male) urologists had solutions, they'd all have massive penises. Call it a hunch, but they aren't packing any surprises.
Penile surgery has come a long way and has done a world of good for men who truly need it, according to Dr. Karen Boyle, director of Reproductive Medicine and Surgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. Surgery is performed on men born with a congenital abnormality, who have suffered an injury, or who have severe erectile dysfunction.
In all these scenarios, men start essentially with a non-functioning penis for sexual purposes, so benefits from the surgery greatly outweigh the risk. Not so for most men seeking something larger.
"The surgeries to perform elective penile enhancement that are advertised to enlarge a normal, functional penis do not work and... shouldn't be performed," Boyle said.
That is, you can't enlarge a penis like you can with breasts. One common method is a fat transfer or implant to add girth. This often leads to lumping and a distorted penis shape over time. Another technique involves the release of suspensory ligament, often resulting in infection, loss of sensitivity and erectile dysfunction.
Going all natural?
Those annoying email ads offer three kinds of enhancement techniques: pills, pumps and exercises. Herbal pill products, a proprietary blend of junk often containing saw palmetto or something exotic from China, promise to stimulate cell growth. Similar stuff is sold to enhance female breast growth. These are a complete waste of money.
Pumps merely simulate an erection and have no long-term effect on size. Exercises, namely a technique of dubious Arabic origin called jelqing, can lead to nerve damage. Jelqing—a term most urologists have never heard of and which is conspicuously absent from medical and Arabic dictionaries---entails stroking a semi-erect penis in a certain way for about 30 minutes a day for months to enlarge the penile cavities that fill with blood, making for larger erections.
Testimonials abound on the Internet. The exercise makes no sense biologically, however, and one runs the risk of tearing blood vessels and loosing sensitivity if one tugs too hard for too long. Those 30 minutes could be spent doing sit-ups for sexier results.
Measuring up
Before seeking a ten-inch penis, take out a ruler and see what that actually looks like. Scary stuff. Is that really what you want? If you are envious of male porn stars with enormous penises, consider this: That which is huge today will take much greater effort to erect as one gets older.
Click green for further info
Source: Christopher Wanjek is the author of the books “Bad Medicine” and “Food At Work.”
_____________________________________________________
Does Cunnilingus give you cancer
Cunnilingus: Stimulation of the female genitals using the tongue or lips
cunnilingus, New Latin, from Latin, one who licks the vulva, from cunnus vulva + lingere to lick; cunnilinctus, New Latin,
from Latin cunnus + linctus, act of licking, from lingere — more at lick First Known Use: 1887
Click green for further info
Michael Douglas, who was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2010, says oral sex was the cause. But what's the risk?
Actors are often accused of being irritatingly reticent about their private lives – unwilling to satisfy fans' and journalists' curiosity about aspects of their life off the film sets.
But that's not something that can be said of Michael Douglas' latest interview, with Xan Brooks, for the Guardian. Asked whether he ascribed his 2010 throat cancer diagnosis to a lifetime of drinking and smoking, he replied particularly frankly:
"No. Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus."
"I did worry if the stress caused by my son's incarceration didn't help trigger it. But yeah, it's a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it."
So, now that's out there, how much of it is true? Is oral sex linked to mouth and throat cancers? Is there a difference between the genders? And what can be done? We've dug into the stats – especially this NHS guide – to dig out a few answers.
HPV and you
There are more than 100 variants of HPV, otherwise known as the human papilloma virus, and they appear in different parts of the body and manifest in different ways – some, for example, can cause warts (including genital warts), while in most cases most appear symptomless.
Some are spread simply by skin-to-skin contact, while others are typically spread during sex. It's these latter types that are typically found in the mouth, suggesting that when HPV is found in the mouth, it's probably got there as a result of oral sex. HPV can also be spread to the relevant areas through vaginal and anal sex.
HPV is really, really common – to the point that if you're a sexually active adult, you've probably had it. By the age of 25, 90% of sexually active people will have been exposed to some form of genital HPV (whether high or low risk), almost none of whom will ever have had any visible warts or other symptoms.
HPV and cancer
Around 15 types of HPV are linked to increased cancer risk, and it's been associated with oral cancers, cervical and vaginal cancers, as well as anal and penile cancers.
HPV increases cancer risk, but can't be explictly said to have caused any particular cancers (though some variants are HPV-related and others not): just because someone with cancer also has HPV doesn't necessarily mean they wouldn't have got it anyway.
It's also a long-term risk factor: over years and decades the risk is increased, rather than overnight.
When it comes to oral cancers, here's a rough guide to the statistics. In 2010, around 6,000 people were diagnosed. For comparison, in 2010 there were also 2,850 diagnoses of cervical cancer and 49,900 diagnoses of breast cancer.
Noting the above caveats, it's calculated that between 25% and 35% of oral cancers are HPV-related – meaning it seems to be involved in somewhere between 1,500 to 2,000 diagnoses a year.
Men vs women
So – is cunnilingus inherently riskier than fellatio? While studies on sex differences aren't entirely clear, a US study found the prevalence of HPV in the mouths of men was 10%, versus 3.6% for women. Overall, HPV-related oral cancers are most common in heterosexual men in their 40s and 50s, leading the NHS guide to conclude that:
This indicates that performing cunnilingus (oral sex on a woman) is more risky that performing fellatio (oral sex on a man). This seems counterintuitive, but the concentration of HPV in the thinner moist skin of the vulva is mugh higher than the amounts of virus shed from the thicker dry skin of the penis, and this affects how easy it is to pass the virus on.
The HPV vaccine
Teenage girls in the UK and elsewhere are now vaccinated against HPV, which should in time both protect themselves from cervical cancers and – it's believed but not yet been demonstrated – future partners from HPV-related oral cancers.
Evidence from Australia suggests things are working, with genital warts (a good short-term proxy) falling markedly in women and heterosexual men in the years after the introduction of a vaccine.
The one group the current vaccination programme does nothing to protect, of course, is men who have sex with men – who are at increased risk of several cancers due to HPV.
So ... smoking's exonerated?
Douglas used HPV to exonerate smoking for his particular cancer. Unfortunately, the evidence suggests he wasn't quite right to do so. Most people rid themselves of HPV within a few years of catching it – but smoking disrupts this process, meaning the virus remains for far longer in smokers than non-smokers, increasing their risk of HPV-related cancers of all varieties.
Smoking is also, of course, a substantial risk factor for non HPV-related oral cancers, as well as lung cancer.
Staying safe
Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be much research evidence to back up Douglas' claim that the cure for throat cancer is still more cunnilingus.
One thing that can help, though, is using a condom or a dam during oral sex, the NHS says. It also helps protect against other orally-transmitted STDs too, such as chlamydia and gonorrhoea.
Click green for further info
Source: Internet news
_________________________________
Article 2 of 2 - Article 1 of 2 just above
Health info
Throat Cancer Link to Oral Sex Gains Notice
Same topic as above in the article 1 of 2 - here with more science details as this is an important matter
Click green for further info
For many years, smoking and drinking were considered the dominant risk factors for cancers of the throat. But on Monday, The Guardian, a British newspaper, reported that the actor Michael Douglas believed that his throat cancer was caused by an infection acquired during oral sex, highlighting a trend that has alarmed many scientists.
Mr. Douglas, 68, had previously speculated that years of smoking and drinking played a role in his disease, and his spokesman later said that although the actor had discussed oral sex’s link to cancer, he did not say it was the cause of his own cancer. But The Guardian quoted Mr. Douglas as saying, “Without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV, which actually comes from cunnilingus.”
Indeed, in recent years scientists have documented a steep rise in throat cancers caused by a strain of HPV that can be transmitted through oral sex. The virus, human papillomavirus Type 16, also causes many cases of cervical cancer in women.
In the 1980s, only a small number of throat cancers were linked to HPV infection. Historically, patients who developed the disease were in their 70s and were heavy smokers and drinkers.
Now, about 70 percent of all throat cancers are caused by HPV, up from roughly 15 percent three decades ago. Patients are now more frequently middle-aged husbands and fathers who are economically well off, nonsmokers and not particularly heavy drinkers. Men are three times more likely to be diagnosed than women with HPV-related throat cancer.
There are many strains of HPV, and the virus is so common that at some point most sexually active adults are exposed to it. A majority of people fight off the infection and do not develop symptoms. But in a very small number of people chronic infection causes oropharyngeal cancers near the base of the tongue and the area just behind the mouth.
Throat cancers caused by HPV are easier to treat than those caused by tobacco, doctors say. Rates of these cancers are increasing but are still fairly uncommon, striking about 3 in 100,000 people. Studies have not proved that vaccines against HPV prevent throat cancers, but many doctors believe they will.
The cancers typically occur decades after initial infection with HPV, and the diagnosis can raise delicate questions for spouses who wonder how partners were infected and worry that they, too, may contract the virus.
“It is a sexually transmitted virus, so that by itself obviously creates uncomfortable discussions between my patients and their partners,” said Dr. Robert I. Haddad, the disease center leader of the head and neck oncology program at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston.
In 2009, Tony Simotes, 62, learned that he had a tumor in his throat, which was diagnosed as Stage 3 oropharyngeal cancer. Mr. Simotes had never been a smoker or a drinker. He and his wife, Lucy, were relieved at first to learn the cancer was HPV-related, because that raised the odds that he could be cured.
“But then I started going through all the motions of what does that mean for me, too?” said Ms. Simotes, 50. “Because this cancer came from a virus, and I may or may not have it.”
She said she had a Pap test that came back negative.
Because both partners had been previously married, they were comfortable discussing the cancer and its cause, said Mr. Simotes, the artistic director and president of Shakespeare & Company in Lenox, Mass. “We know that we’ve lived pretty full lives until we met each other,” he said. “The reality is that a lot of times people carry the virus and it doesn’t affect them.”
Mr. Simotes underwent chemotherapy and radiation, and his cancer is in remission.
In a study presented last weekend at a conference of the American Society of Clinical Oncology, Dr. Haddad and other researchers showed for the first time that the partners of people with throat cancers caused by HPV were not at greater risk of developing oral HPV infections themselves. The study involved more than 200 people followed for about a year.
Dr. Haddad said the findings suggest that spouses and longtime partners do not need to take special precautions or change their sexual behavior.
Click green for further info
Source: NYT
___________________________________________________________
Penis Enlargement Products Come up Short
This penis enlargement article is important and it is put here
to WARN that it is dangerous
and must not be done to any healthy person with a normal penis
study this article by specialists and you see the facts
Many men, married & single, think about this topic because they see misleading ads.
Simply put, there is no safe way to enlarge one's penis;
and for the vast majority of men, there is no reason to do so.
You were perhaps tempted to click but then recoiled with the thought of the five years' worth of pop-up ads you'd inevitably encounter. Smart move. For the health of your computer and your body, it's best to ignore the penis enlargement spam.
Simply put, there is no safe way to enlarge one's penis; and for the vast majority of men, there is no reason to do so.
While breast enhancement surgery is relatively safe, penis enlargement surgery is so dicey (= dangerous) that there's a very good chance a man will lose sensation or the ability to have an erection. Pills do nothing, and exercises are futile and potentially harmful.
Size may vary
Do penis sizes vary? Yes, but you have to get over that fact because ultimately it usually doesn't matter. The biggest difference is in the flaccid penis, averaging about 3 inches and varying between 1 and 4 inches for most men, as measured in many scientific studies from locations as diverse as United States, Germany, Nigeria, Iran and South Korea.
The flaccid penis is the root of insecurity, the so-called locker-room syndrome. His is bigger than mine. Flaccid length does not predict erect length, however, and most of the variation is made up once up: Most men measure between 5 and 6 inches when erect, regardless of the size starting out.
(If you're playing along at home, the measurement runs along the top part of the penis, from base to tip. Self-reported Internet-based surveys place the average well over 6 inches. Go figure.)
In vaginal sex, any erect penis longer than 4 inches is usually big enough to stimulate erogenous tissue in the vagina. A penis longer than 8 inches can ram into the cervix and cause discomfort.
All in your head
One of the largest studies on penis size, with more than 3,000 men, was published by Italian researchers in the International Journal of Impotence Research in 2002. They found that most men seeking penis enhancement were within the normal size range and greatly overestimated the size of an average penis: These men thought the average flaccid size was about 5 inches, with some venturing as high as 6.5 inches.
Where do guys get ideas about size? Pornography, largely, were the male performers are above average. A 7-inch erect penis would place you in the 99th percentile, according to the Italian study.
Urologists try to dissuade men from risky enlargement procedures through counseling and a frank discussion of the facts. Few urologists will attempt surgery on a man whose erect penis is larger than 3 inches.
Remember, if size mattered and if (male) urologists had solutions, they'd all have massive penises. Call it a hunch, but they aren't packing any surprises.
- Click: The Top 10 Aphrodisiacs
Penile surgery has come a long way and has done a world of good for men who truly need it, according to Dr. Karen Boyle, director of Reproductive Medicine and Surgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. Surgery is performed on men born with a congenital abnormality, who have suffered an injury, or who have severe erectile dysfunction.
In all these scenarios, men start essentially with a non-functioning penis for sexual purposes, so benefits from the surgery greatly outweigh the risk. Not so for most men seeking something larger.
"The surgeries to perform elective penile enhancement that are advertised to enlarge a normal, functional penis do not work and... shouldn't be performed," Boyle said.
That is, you can't enlarge a penis like you can with breasts. One common method is a fat transfer or implant to add girth. This often leads to lumping and a distorted penis shape over time. Another technique involves the release of suspensory ligament, often resulting in infection, loss of sensitivity and erectile dysfunction.
- click: Online Dating: Why it Fails
Going all natural?
Those annoying email ads offer three kinds of enhancement techniques: pills, pumps and exercises. Herbal pill products, a proprietary blend of junk often containing saw palmetto or something exotic from China, promise to stimulate cell growth. Similar stuff is sold to enhance female breast growth. These are a complete waste of money.
Pumps merely simulate an erection and have no long-term effect on size. Exercises, namely a technique of dubious Arabic origin called jelqing, can lead to nerve damage. Jelqing—a term most urologists have never heard of and which is conspicuously absent from medical and Arabic dictionaries---entails stroking a semi-erect penis in a certain way for about 30 minutes a day for months to enlarge the penile cavities that fill with blood, making for larger erections.
Testimonials abound on the Internet. The exercise makes no sense biologically, however, and one runs the risk of tearing blood vessels and loosing sensitivity if one tugs too hard for too long. Those 30 minutes could be spent doing sit-ups for sexier results.
Measuring up
Before seeking a ten-inch penis, take out a ruler and see what that actually looks like. Scary stuff. Is that really what you want? If you are envious of male porn stars with enormous penises, consider this: That which is huge today will take much greater effort to erect as one gets older.
Click green for further info
Source: Christopher Wanjek is the author of the books “Bad Medicine” and “Food At Work.”
_____________________________________________________
Avocado diet 'triples chance of success'
for couples undergoing IVF
The study took place among 147 women having IVF at the Massachusetts General Hospital Fertility Center
Click green for further info
Eating avocados and dressing salads with olive oil could help women trying to have a baby through IVF, researchers claim.
Foods typically eaten as part of the Mediterranean diet may triple the chances of success for women having the fertility treatment.
A study found monounsaturated fat – found in olive oil, sunflower oil, nuts and seeds – was better than any other kind of dietary fat for would-be mothers. Those who ate the highest amounts were 3.4 times more likely to have a child after IVF than those who ate the lowest amounts.
In contrast, women who ate mostly saturated fat, found in butter and red meat, produced fewer good eggs for use in fertility treatment.
US experts behind the study believe monounsaturated fats – which are already known to protect the heart – could improve fertility by lowering inflammation in the body.
The study was presented at the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in Istanbul.
It was carried out at Harvard School of Public Health, funded by the US National Institutes of Health.
More... Click green for further info - if the link has expired searchhw web with the title
He said the study was small, but the findings merited further investigation. ‘While these results are interesting, this is the first time to our knowledge that dietary fats have been linked to treatment outcome in IVF,’ he said.
Prof Chavarro said higher levels of monounsaturated fat were linked to higher live birth rates, which ‘ultimately people are looking for’.
Salad days: Salads dressed with olive oil and containing nuts and seeds can also help women trying to conceive through IVF.
The study took place among 147 women having IVF at the Massachusetts General Hospital Fertility Center.
Their intake of different dietary fats was recorded and the outcome of fertility treatment compared between the highest and lowest third of intake in each category.
Women eating the highest levels of all types of fat had fewer good eggs available for use in treatment.
Prof Chavarro said the link was driven by saturated fat intake, while high levels of polyunsaturated fat consumption produced poorer quality embryos.
Higher intakes of monounsaturated fat were linked to a 3.4 times higher live birth rate than those with the lowest intake.
For those eating least, monounsaturated fat made up nine per cent of calories in their diet while it comprised a quarter for those eating the most.
Prof Chavarro said ‘Different types of fat are known to have different effects on biological processes which may influence the outcome of assisted reproduction - such as underlying levels of inflammation or insulin sensitivity.
‘However, it is not clear at this moment which biological mechanisms underlie the associations we found.’
He said fish remained a source of ‘good’ omega 3 fatty acids, although the study was not able to pin down its contribution.
Read more:
Click green below for further info
for couples undergoing IVF
The study took place among 147 women having IVF at the Massachusetts General Hospital Fertility Center
Click green for further info
Eating avocados and dressing salads with olive oil could help women trying to have a baby through IVF, researchers claim.
Foods typically eaten as part of the Mediterranean diet may triple the chances of success for women having the fertility treatment.
A study found monounsaturated fat – found in olive oil, sunflower oil, nuts and seeds – was better than any other kind of dietary fat for would-be mothers. Those who ate the highest amounts were 3.4 times more likely to have a child after IVF than those who ate the lowest amounts.
In contrast, women who ate mostly saturated fat, found in butter and red meat, produced fewer good eggs for use in fertility treatment.
US experts behind the study believe monounsaturated fats – which are already known to protect the heart – could improve fertility by lowering inflammation in the body.
The study was presented at the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in Istanbul.
It was carried out at Harvard School of Public Health, funded by the US National Institutes of Health.
More... Click green for further info - if the link has expired searchhw web with the title
- Women who drink five cups of coffee a day 'halve' their chance of successful IVF treatment
- UK at bottom of league for helping IVF couples with recession blamed as NHS make
He said the study was small, but the findings merited further investigation. ‘While these results are interesting, this is the first time to our knowledge that dietary fats have been linked to treatment outcome in IVF,’ he said.
Prof Chavarro said higher levels of monounsaturated fat were linked to higher live birth rates, which ‘ultimately people are looking for’.
Salad days: Salads dressed with olive oil and containing nuts and seeds can also help women trying to conceive through IVF.
The study took place among 147 women having IVF at the Massachusetts General Hospital Fertility Center.
Their intake of different dietary fats was recorded and the outcome of fertility treatment compared between the highest and lowest third of intake in each category.
Women eating the highest levels of all types of fat had fewer good eggs available for use in treatment.
Prof Chavarro said the link was driven by saturated fat intake, while high levels of polyunsaturated fat consumption produced poorer quality embryos.
Higher intakes of monounsaturated fat were linked to a 3.4 times higher live birth rate than those with the lowest intake.
For those eating least, monounsaturated fat made up nine per cent of calories in their diet while it comprised a quarter for those eating the most.
Prof Chavarro said ‘Different types of fat are known to have different effects on biological processes which may influence the outcome of assisted reproduction - such as underlying levels of inflammation or insulin sensitivity.
‘However, it is not clear at this moment which biological mechanisms underlie the associations we found.’
He said fish remained a source of ‘good’ omega 3 fatty acids, although the study was not able to pin down its contribution.
Read more:
Click green below for further info
- In VItro Fertilization (IVF) Facts, Success Rates, Multiple Births, What ...www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/.../in-vitro-fertilization
Today, in vitro fertilization (IVF) is practically a household word. But not so long ago, it was a mysterious procedure for infertility that produced what were then ... - 3D animation of how IVF works - YouTube
► 3:18► 3:18
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeigYib39Rs
May 4, 2009 - Uploaded by Patreskovic
This is a beautiful medical animation about IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) ... Baby process from 0 month to 9 ... - More videos for ivf process »
- IVF Process: 4 Steps to Getting Pregnant | Attain Fertilityattainfertility.com/article/get-pregnant
Learn more about in vitro fertilization and the IVF process. Find out what to expect with IVF and the steps to expect during the IVF procedure. - Images for ivf process - Report images
- IVF Treatment - Understanding IVF Treatment Step By Step
infertility.about.com › ... › Fertility › Infertility Treatments › IVF
by Rachel Gurevich - in 385 Google+ circles
Aug 16, 2011 – Starting IVF treatment can be exciting but nerve wracking. While every clinic's protocol will be slightly different, here is a step-by-step ... - IVF Process | Guide and Resourceswww.ivfprocess.org/
Most Extensive Resources and Guides on IVF Process. Click Here to see our Expert Columns and Guides. - In vitro fertilisation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaen.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_vitro_fertilisation
In vitro fertilisation (IVF) is a process by which an egg is fertilised by sperm outside the body: in vitro. IVF is a major treatment for infertility when other methods of ... _______________________________________________________________________________
Important information - legal issues - money issues - inheritance - etc.
Necessary information if you are
Living Together but Not Married?
A must to read material
Here's some sobering information:
Definition of sobering: causing serious thought: making somebody give serious thought to important things
Synonyms for sobering: crucial, weighty, arduous , dangerous, deep , difficult, far-reaching, fateful, fell, formidable,
grave, grievous, grim, hard, heavy
That's how important this article information is
______
According to a March 2012 analysis of census data conducted for USA Today, about
one in 15 unmarried American heterosexual adults were in live-in relationships
In fact, nearly half of U.S. adults in their 30s and 40s have lived together in a romantic relationship outside of marriage.
I call this "sobering" not because I object, but because I suspect that many unmarried couples haven't considered the financial ramifications of living together. That's a mistake because they're not afforded all of the same protections and advantages that married couples have.
Every young couple that breaks up has faced the issue of "this is yours, that's mine" – from books and music to pets and furniture. But living together as you get older (and hopefully wealthier) can pose additional challenges.
I did a TV news story offering advice for cohabitating couples. Check it out, then read on for more information.
It's essential to remember, whether gay or straight: When it comes to money, the law doesn't recognize relationships not documented with paper.
How to buy half a house
With mortgage rates near historic lows and home prices rising, unmarried couples may decide to not only move in together, but buy their own place. This could be a great move, but be aware of potential problems.
Keep in mind what I said above: The house belongs to the person whose name appears on the legally recorded deed. It doesn't matter what verbal agreements were made or who paid the mortgage. So make sure both parties are named on the deed.
The two basic ways of taking title with other people are joint tenancy with right of survivorship and tenancy in common. The difference is that with right of survivorship, your interest in the property automatically transfers to the other owner when you die. With tenancy in common, it doesn't.
Also keep this in mind: If you both apply for the mortgage, you're both responsible for paying it — even after you break up. Also, if both parties are on the deed as owners, but only one is on the mortgage, the one responsible for the mortgage remains responsible, even if that person has moved out and moved on.
Another common scenario: John already owns a house, then Jane moves in and, because she makes more than John, proceeds to make the monthly mortgage payments. Is Jane then entitled to any of the equity she's creating by paying down John's mortgage? No. Absent a legal document to the contrary, it's John's house and his equity.
So, if you're thinking of buying a house together – or taking on the responsibilities of someone who already owns a home – go into the transaction with your eyes open. The steps are simple:
- Think it through.
- Talk it out.
- Draw it up.
- Have a lawyer look it over, then have it notarized or recorded.
- Live together for a significant period of time (not defined in any state).
- Hold themselves out as a married couple — i.e., share a last name, refer to each other as husband and wife, and file a joint tax return.
- Intend to be married.
Where there's a will, there's a way
It's bad enough when married couples don't have a will, especially when it's so easy to do. (See "How Do I Get a Will on the Cheap?") But even without a will, the law won't leave a surviving spouse high and dry, because of another piece of paper — a marriage certificate. If there's no paper, as far as the law is concerned, you're strangers even if you've shared a bed for 20 years.
If you're married and die without a will, your estate will eventually go to your spouse because, according to the law, your spouse is your next of kin. If you're unmarried and die without a will, your estate will still go to your next of kin – not to your partner. If you don't relish the idea of a parent, a sibling or some distant uncle inheriting everything, get a will.
Something else to consider: If you're rich – say, with assets exceeding $5 million – you could have estate tax issues wealthy married people don't. So talking to an estate attorney is a good idea.
A taxing health care plan
Many big companies and government agencies extend health insurance coverage to unmarried couples. While it may not matter to your employer if you're hitched, however, it does to the IRS.
When you're married, the IRS doesn't tax your health benefits, nor does it tax the benefits your spouse receives under your plan. But if you're providing your domestic partner with health care benefits, the portion applying to them could be taxable to you. In other words, if John covers Jane as a domestic partner under his employer-sponsored health plan, John could be taxed by Uncle Sam for any benefit extended to Jane.
Why? Federal tax law specifically excludes employee benefits received by spouses from taxation, but Uncle Sam doesn't recognize domestic partners. Thus, if John's and Jane's employers both pay for their health coverage, they're better off keeping them separate.
If John has coverage and Jane doesn't, they have to make a calculation: Do John's extra taxes exceed what it would cost Jane to get a private health insurance policy? The correct path will depend on John's tax bracket and Jane's cost of health insurance.
But there's something else to consider. Suppose Jane develops a health condition? If she's on John's group policy through his workplace, she'll
- continue to be insured. But if they split up and John cancels her coverage, she could be denied individual insurance on her own because she has a pre-existing condition. (Luckily that won't be the case in 2014 when health care reform prohibits denial of insurance because of health history.)
In case of medical emergency
If one partner has a medical emergency, absent paper to the contrary, the other has no legal right to information or to make decisions about care.
The solution to this problem is an advance health care directive, which allows each of you to legally make decisions if the other is incapacitated. It also allows hospitals to share information usually reserved for spouses. Like a will, these directives aren't hard to get. Your hospital or county health department can give you the form, or you can download one online.
Marriage without paper
There is one situation where a heterosexual couple living together can enjoy the rights of marriage without getting hitched the traditional way: They can claim a common law marriage — which is recognized by law in 15 states.
But if you think a common law marriage is created simply by living together, you're wrong. According to Nolo.com, these couples must:
Keep in mind that the burden of proving you're a common law married couple will fall to you – it's not automatic. Once you've proved it, you'll then have the privileges of married couples – including the privilege of going through a legal divorce if you break up.
- Click green for further info
- Source: Internet MoneyTalks
______________________________________________________
This article "Walking (or driving) the Country as a Spiritual Quest"
is an article you would like to read with your spouse & with your whole family
It will give you and idea how your marriage and your whole family
can have a new, improved life and deeper happiness
An inspirational article - would you do the same - perhaps you could, with your whole family
It would strengthen your family union and widen your view of life
At least: drive across the U.S. from coast to coast & back home
- by driving about 2- 3 months or longer if your situation allows, the longer, the better
Live in a tent or in your RV - drive back using a different route
when returning to see different states and different living values & conditions
Do this during the summer months
Do the same in any other country you may live in
By experience I say: it will be your best vacation
- a transformation, a wake-up call to life -
Dedicate your walk or drive for (1) some important reason, (2) or dedicate it to a happier marriage and to your improved relations in your family, (3) or to draw attention to the enormous overweight & obesity problem in the U.S. and in the western world, (4) or to stop smoking, (5) or to alcohol abuse, (6) to drug use - (7) or to anything you want. I any of these reasons apply to your family, get rid of them during this strip. Perhaps there may be more than one of these challenges in your family - have everyone working on their own challenge. All of you, do research and collect relevant information to your dedicated reasons to bring out a real difference and perhaps have plenty of public news value. Have a dog with you to bark if someone approaches nighttime your location. Before leaving (1) make your cause(s) public, (2) give a press/Radio/TV release and all of you blog every day about your trip and how your challenges go. If you need money assistance people will send money. Search the internet to open an account for getting donations from the public. You will never regret this kind of an important trip - everyone should do this (by driving everyone can). Still: if your life circumstances allow, walking is a real possibility. Driving or walking - all of you keep daily diary for your blogging and for writing several newspaper/magazine articles (endless topics available) during and after the trip. Aim to have a broadcast TV program released -You Tube, etc. Take pictures, record videos, collect items to bring home.
By experience I say: it was the best vacation in our family (we will do it again)
It will be YOUR best vacation also - It will give you all a new, more successful, happier & highly enjoyable
life with deeper understanding about everything
In addition, depending on your desires, it can be an income provider even in a longer run
(Dr. Christian, President STAF, Inc.)
Walking*) the Country as a Spiritual Quest
*) OR: driving
Click green for further info
KEN ILGUNAS, who is 29 years old, arrived at the Gulf Coast town of Port Arthur, Tex., last month after hiking 1,700 miles from Alberta, Canada, crossing through the American heartland. On his arrival, he met a big-hearted Texan who knew of him from reading his blog and generously offered him dinner at his home and a place to stay for the night.
“To walk across this country is to fall in love with mankind,” Mr. Ilgunas said.
He’s one of a growing number of pilgrims who are lacing up boots and sneakers to walk across America. While their treks may not have the religious underpinnings of pilgrimages to Santiago de Compostela, Mecca, Jerusalem or the current Kumbh Mela gathering in India, which ends on March 10, they are nevertheless acts of faith and quests for existential meaning.
Mr. Ilgunas had just finished his master’s in liberal studies at Duke, and was living at a classmate’s farm in Stokes County, N.C., working in exchange for lodging, when he decided to hit the road. He had read the 1979 memoir by Peter Jenkins, “A Walk Across America,” and hoped for a similarly transformative journey. So he stocked up on granola and dehydrated meals at Whole Foods and Sam’s Club and had a friend mail them in parcels to various post offices along his route. But it was the kindness of strangers he encountered along the way that really sustained him. “In most every town, some complete stranger would offer me a ride, a meal, a handful of money or their home for me to sleep in,” Mr. Ilgunas said. “This trip had made me proud to be an American.”
Jonathon Stalls, 30, of Denver, walked 3,030 miles, along the America Discovery Trail from Lewes, Del., to San Francisco, with his dog in 2010. He decided to take off because he was burned out from the demands of attending design school, working as a waiter and playing semiprofessional volleyball. “I wanted to slow down and live life at a pace we were built to travel,” he said. “I wanted to trust and depend on the land and on myself.” During the 242 days he spent on the road, he stayed with 120 strangers whom he met when they idled their cars beside him or struck up conversations with him at libraries, convenience stores or parks. “I am forever marked by the openness of people, sharing meals with them and exchanging stories,” he said.
Since 2010 there has been a proliferation of blogs describing cross-country walks, often in excruciating detail. Judging from the numerous posts about bleeding blisters, muscle strains, stinging insects, inclement weather, bear scares, lack of food and leaky tents, many were woefully unprepared for the task.
“The arduousness**) is what makes it an act of devotion,” said Rebecca Solnit, author of “Wanderlust: A History of Walking.” “Part of the desire to do it is to accept that the world is unpredictable and you will trust what the world sends your way and you will cope with it.”
**) Demanding great effort or labor; difficult: Testing severely the powers of endurance; strenuous: a long, arduous, and exhausting war. 3. Hard to traverse, climb, or surmount, burdensome, hard.
RATHER than walking to demonstrate religious commitment, many dedicate their cross-country walks to a cause recalling Peace Pilgrim - a k a Mildred Norman Ryder, (aka or a.k.a. = "also known as"), who walked more than 25,000 miles across America from 1953 to 1981 for world peace. Mr. Stalls, for example, walked to benefit the microlending organization Kiva, while in 2012/2013 Mr. Ilgunas walked the length of the proposed Keystone XL pipeline to draw attention to its impact on the environment.
“It’s a selfish thing to take a pilgrimage just for yourself,” said John Seyal, 26, of Louisville, Ky., who with his wife, Kait, 27, spent nine months last year walking coast-to-coast with their two dogs to raise awareness of pet therapy.
“I don’t think that kind of selfishness or soul-searching is a bad thing, but we recognized a way we could do something good with it.”
The Seyals said they embarked on their journey because they didn’t like the way their lives were going. Working at uninspiring factory and restaurant jobs, they felt they were conforming to society’s values rather than following their hearts, and were losing faith in people.
“Almost everyone who does this has some sort of generalized unhappiness with themselves and the world,” said Tyler Coulson, 34, who in 2011 quit his job practicing corporate law at a large firm in Chicago to walk across the country with his dog. “No one who is happy and content wakes up one day and says, maybe I’ll go live in a tent for eight months,” which was how long it took him to walk 3,200 miles, from Rehoboth Beach, Del., to San Diego. Since returning, he’s been dividing his time between writing self-published books, lawyering and advising others on how to prepare for cross-country walks. “I’m a better and happier person,” Mr. Coulson said.
Walks across America tend to end with a baptismal dip in the ocean. “You have no idea the feeling I had putting my feet in the Atlantic waters,” said Richard Noble, who quit his job as a film festival cashier last year to walk 2,700 miles from San Francisco to Jacksonville Beach, Fla., for gay rights. His trip was fully financed by strangers who gave him money, food and shelter en route, as well as donated online through his blog. “You can’t experience that kind of generosity and be the same person you were before,” he said.
Anthropologists have long argued that pilgrims occupy a so-called liminal realm outside of, yet proximal to, society. “In this space you can achieve a direct human interaction that doesn’t take into account hierarchies, so people become intimate very quickly,” said Ellen Badone, author of “Intersecting Journeys: The Anthropology of Pilgrimage and Tourism” and professor of anthropology and religious studies at McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario.
“Stepping into this extraordinary sphere leads to extraordinary interactions where you very quickly become close and find that people are willing to go out of their way to be helpful.”
Arthur Werner, 58, who left a financial services sales job in Bellevue, Wash., June 2012 to walk across the country after a series of emotional blows, figures he’s talked to hundreds of people along his route. “We are so insulated and sterilized by all our electronic forms of communication and our inane posts on Facebook that we just don’t sit down and have heart-to-hearts with people,” he said. “It’s been very touching and self-actualizing for me.”
He plans to complete his walk in April 2013 at the southernmost tip of the continental United States, Key West, Fla. But he said the final destination was beside the point: “It really is all about the journey.”
The article Source: NYT - other text: STAF, Inc.
Click green for further info
This is one of the best actions in anyone's single or family life
Are you ready?
Do it - you will never regret
It may be a big money maker also
& definitely will improve your and your family members' mental, emotional & physical health
and deepen all your relationships
______________________________________________________________________________________
Are you or your spouse/partner addicted to technology
Study this brief counseling article
Wife's Affair With Cellphone
Leaves Man Feeling Cheated
Client's question:
My wife and I have been married 17 years. For the most part, our marriage has been great, and I love her very much. Lately, though, I have felt that our sexual and emotional intimacy has been lacking. I spoke to her about it recently and tried to explain how I feel. She has responded, and things are improving.
Still, she spends most of her time on her cellphone checking email, Facebook, Pinterest and watching Netflix. At bedtime, she stays on her phone or laptop until after I have gone to bed. When she comes to bed, she ignores me and goes straight to sleep, even if I have been lying there awake in the dark waiting for her.
Has she fallen in love with her cellphone? Even if we don't have sex all the time, I would just like to be able to talk to her or hold her for a minute before we go to sleep. Any suggestions other than throwing her phone out the window? -- ABANDONED HUSBAND
Therapist's answer:
DEAR ABANDONED: You say your wife has responded and things are hopeful. That means she is at least receptive to working on your marital relationship.
The problems that cellphones cause in relationships is something I am hearing about with increasing frequency. People have become so dependent upon their digital companions that in some cases it's impossible to turn them off because people have become literally addicted.
In cases like this, a licensed therapist should be consulted. Of course, like any addiction the sufferer must be willing to admit there is a problem and want to do something about it. I wish there was a 12-step program to which I could refer you, but I was unable to locate one. In the future I'm willing to bet that they'll sprout up like mushrooms.
In case you experience a similar situation - go through this article together, discuss the situation in a friendly manner and if needed, go together to a competent counselor and decide there how to continue.
STAF, Inc. provides competent counseling
with the modern technology for you in your own home anywhere worldwide
Addictions are one of the 10 private services guaranteed for a life-time with only
a one-time fee - no one anywhere dares giving a similar guarantee
Contact info in this website home page
_____________________________________________
Living Together but Not Married? 5 Tips By MoneyTalksNews | TheStreet.com
How Skeptics and Believers Can Connect
A good article about our life and how to solve communication challenges
in all levels including in marriages
STAF, Inc. is a leading specialist in all family related matters including in your marriage happiness
Never get separated or divorced - it will always lead to a disaster - assuming you two were married in a traditional
manner based on true love between the 2 of you. True love never dies.
Good marriages work because couples learn to repair, rather than escalate, their conflicts. We need to recognize something of what we share, and to carry on a conversation — and if we can keep the conversation going, we will, however slowly, move forward.
Click the links at the end of this article and study all in details - study below what Schismogenesis means and learn to apply it.
________________________________________________
Source - the text below is written by
T. M. Luhrmann, a professor of anthropology at Stanford and the author of “When God Talks Back: Understanding the American Evangelical Relationship With God,” is a guest columnist.
I DO not call myself a Christian. So maybe I should not have been surprised when I went on my first Christian radio show, a year ago, and the host set out to save me — live, on a nationally syndicated program, for 30 minutes. In the few seconds before I was connected, when I could hear him on the air but he could not hear me, he explained: “Listen, she’s not one of us. But I won’t fight with her.” It was a pledge he did not keep. Did I think God was present? My response, that I was speaking as a social scientist, interested him not at all.
I was on the show to discuss my recent book, which explains the way evangelicals learn to experience themselves in conversation with God. It argues that learning to hear God speak involves skill, that the skill changes the way people use and experience their minds, and that those who use this skill do so, for the most part, with sophistication. I have spent a lot of time thinking about the complexity of faith, and have tried to take theologically conservative faith seriously. As I did so, over a decade of research, I found myself more open to the idea of God, and more aware of the fragile human grasp on the real.
So it was a shock to have my host grill me about the state of my soul. It reminded me that one of the things that makes mutual respect between believers and nonbelievers difficult is that there is a kind of line in the sand, and you’re either on one side of it or on the other. Skeptics do this too, of course. I remember a dinner party where I was explaining my work among evangelicals to a colleague, and her face grew longer and longer until she said, “You talk to them?”
The in-your-face confrontation makes it that much harder to connect. The more my interviewer pressed me, the more my faith — such as it is — grew strained.
I had come to live (theologically speaking) in a messy in-between. My interviewer wanted clarity. The more he put me on the spot, the more I wanted to say that I shared nothing with him and that his beliefs were flimsy dreams. And the more I resisted, the more he just got mad. He was determined. I was exhausted.
Anthropologists have a term for this racheting-up of opposition: schismogenesis*). Gregory Bateson developed the word to describe mirroring interactions, where every move by each side makes the other respond more negatively, like those horrible arguments with your spouse where everything you say makes the other person dig in their heels more fiercely.
These days we Americans live not only with political schismogenesis, but also religious schismogenesis. The political scientists Robert D. Putnam and David E. Campbell, in their book “American Grace,” found that “recent years have seen the sharpest points of disagreement between religious believers — of nearly all stripes — and those who denounce religious belief of all types.” The last few election cycles have made it clear that many evangelicals think that those without religion are dangerously wrong on many issues. A crop of equally committed atheists and agnostics have reciprocated, with vigor. Professors Putnam and Campbell find that it is the people at the extremes who are most engaged in the battle, but all of us see the battle lines clearly drawn.
I think that schismogenesis is responsible for the striking increase in the number of people who say that they are not affiliated with any religion. Since the early 1990s that number has more than doubled to 20 percent from less than 10 percent, and is close to a third for people under 30. We know that most of these people still believe in God or a higher power, whatever they mean by that. It’s just that they are no longer willing to describe themselves as associated with a religion. They’ve seen that line in the sand, and they’re not willing to step over it.
Yet believers and nonbelievers are not so different from one another, news that is sometimes a surprise to both. When I arrived at one church I had come to study, I thought that I would stick out like a sore thumb. I did not. Instead, I saw my own doubts, anxieties and yearnings reflected in those around me. People were willing to utter sentences — like “I believe in God” — that I was not, but many of those I met spoke openly and comfortably about times of uncertainty, even doubt. Many of my skeptical friends think of themselves as secular, sometimes profoundly so. Yet these secular friends often hover on the edge of faith. They meditate. They keep journals. They go on retreats. They just don’t know what to do with their spiritual yearnings.
Perhaps there is hope. Good marriages work because couples learn to repair, rather than escalate, their conflicts. Same-sex marriage and abortion should not be approached by drawing a line in the sand and demonizing everyone on the other side. We need to recognize something of what we share, and to carry on a conversation — and if we can keep the conversation going, we will, however slowly, move forward.
If we can’t, we’re in real trouble.
Source:
T. M. Luhrmann, a professor of anthropology at Stanford and the author of “When God Talks Back: Understanding the American Evangelical Relationship With God,” is a guest columnist.
______________________
*) Schismogenesis literally means "creation of division". The term derives from the Greek words skhisma "cleft" (borrowed into English asschism, "division into opposing factions"), and genesis "generation, creation" (deriving in turn from gignesthai "be born or produced, creation, a coming into being").
Read more about Schismogenesis - click the links below
Click colored areas
►
www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOABH5R91XI
Oct 17, 2010 - Uploaded by edivietro
I learned this term from a lecture series by Deborah Tannen, but it has helped me tremendously in working with ...
______________________________________________________________________
A good article about our life and how to solve communication challenges
in all levels including in marriages
STAF, Inc. is a leading specialist in all family related matters including in your marriage happiness
Never get separated or divorced - it will always lead to a disaster - assuming you two were married in a traditional
manner based on true love between the 2 of you. True love never dies.
Good marriages work because couples learn to repair, rather than escalate, their conflicts. We need to recognize something of what we share, and to carry on a conversation — and if we can keep the conversation going, we will, however slowly, move forward.
Click the links at the end of this article and study all in details - study below what Schismogenesis means and learn to apply it.
________________________________________________
Source - the text below is written by
T. M. Luhrmann, a professor of anthropology at Stanford and the author of “When God Talks Back: Understanding the American Evangelical Relationship With God,” is a guest columnist.
I DO not call myself a Christian. So maybe I should not have been surprised when I went on my first Christian radio show, a year ago, and the host set out to save me — live, on a nationally syndicated program, for 30 minutes. In the few seconds before I was connected, when I could hear him on the air but he could not hear me, he explained: “Listen, she’s not one of us. But I won’t fight with her.” It was a pledge he did not keep. Did I think God was present? My response, that I was speaking as a social scientist, interested him not at all.
I was on the show to discuss my recent book, which explains the way evangelicals learn to experience themselves in conversation with God. It argues that learning to hear God speak involves skill, that the skill changes the way people use and experience their minds, and that those who use this skill do so, for the most part, with sophistication. I have spent a lot of time thinking about the complexity of faith, and have tried to take theologically conservative faith seriously. As I did so, over a decade of research, I found myself more open to the idea of God, and more aware of the fragile human grasp on the real.
So it was a shock to have my host grill me about the state of my soul. It reminded me that one of the things that makes mutual respect between believers and nonbelievers difficult is that there is a kind of line in the sand, and you’re either on one side of it or on the other. Skeptics do this too, of course. I remember a dinner party where I was explaining my work among evangelicals to a colleague, and her face grew longer and longer until she said, “You talk to them?”
The in-your-face confrontation makes it that much harder to connect. The more my interviewer pressed me, the more my faith — such as it is — grew strained.
I had come to live (theologically speaking) in a messy in-between. My interviewer wanted clarity. The more he put me on the spot, the more I wanted to say that I shared nothing with him and that his beliefs were flimsy dreams. And the more I resisted, the more he just got mad. He was determined. I was exhausted.
Anthropologists have a term for this racheting-up of opposition: schismogenesis*). Gregory Bateson developed the word to describe mirroring interactions, where every move by each side makes the other respond more negatively, like those horrible arguments with your spouse where everything you say makes the other person dig in their heels more fiercely.
These days we Americans live not only with political schismogenesis, but also religious schismogenesis. The political scientists Robert D. Putnam and David E. Campbell, in their book “American Grace,” found that “recent years have seen the sharpest points of disagreement between religious believers — of nearly all stripes — and those who denounce religious belief of all types.” The last few election cycles have made it clear that many evangelicals think that those without religion are dangerously wrong on many issues. A crop of equally committed atheists and agnostics have reciprocated, with vigor. Professors Putnam and Campbell find that it is the people at the extremes who are most engaged in the battle, but all of us see the battle lines clearly drawn.
I think that schismogenesis is responsible for the striking increase in the number of people who say that they are not affiliated with any religion. Since the early 1990s that number has more than doubled to 20 percent from less than 10 percent, and is close to a third for people under 30. We know that most of these people still believe in God or a higher power, whatever they mean by that. It’s just that they are no longer willing to describe themselves as associated with a religion. They’ve seen that line in the sand, and they’re not willing to step over it.
Yet believers and nonbelievers are not so different from one another, news that is sometimes a surprise to both. When I arrived at one church I had come to study, I thought that I would stick out like a sore thumb. I did not. Instead, I saw my own doubts, anxieties and yearnings reflected in those around me. People were willing to utter sentences — like “I believe in God” — that I was not, but many of those I met spoke openly and comfortably about times of uncertainty, even doubt. Many of my skeptical friends think of themselves as secular, sometimes profoundly so. Yet these secular friends often hover on the edge of faith. They meditate. They keep journals. They go on retreats. They just don’t know what to do with their spiritual yearnings.
Perhaps there is hope. Good marriages work because couples learn to repair, rather than escalate, their conflicts. Same-sex marriage and abortion should not be approached by drawing a line in the sand and demonizing everyone on the other side. We need to recognize something of what we share, and to carry on a conversation — and if we can keep the conversation going, we will, however slowly, move forward.
If we can’t, we’re in real trouble.
Source:
T. M. Luhrmann, a professor of anthropology at Stanford and the author of “When God Talks Back: Understanding the American Evangelical Relationship With God,” is a guest columnist.
______________________
*) Schismogenesis literally means "creation of division". The term derives from the Greek words skhisma "cleft" (borrowed into English asschism, "division into opposing factions"), and genesis "generation, creation" (deriving in turn from gignesthai "be born or produced, creation, a coming into being").
Read more about Schismogenesis - click the links below
Click colored areas
- Schismogenesis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schismogenesis
Schismogenesis literally means "creation of division". The term derives from the Greek words skhisma "cleft" (borrowed into English as schism, "division into ...
Concepts - Types - Sociolinguistics - Systems of holding back - Click
schismogenesis
christianhubert.com/writings/schismogenesis.html
schismogenesis. Gregory Bateson uses this term to describe progressive differentiation between social groups or individuals. For example, if two groups exhibit .. - Stepping Out of the Pattern - INTERLUDE: An Internet Retreat
www.interluderetreat.com/meditate/schismo.htm
Schismogenesis is a word coined by heavy weight social scientist Gregory Bateson that he used in describing relationship processes among people. He defined ... - Click colored area # 4 has a video - see & listen
►
www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOABH5R91XI
Oct 17, 2010 - Uploaded by edivietro
I learned this term from a lecture series by Deborah Tannen, but it has helped me tremendously in working with ...
______________________________________________________________________
The comment below placed as a Restoring Any Marriage™ - Jada Pinkett-Smith on Will Smith Open Marriage Rumors:
I Tell Him to "Do Whatever You Want"
Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc. is the leading new organization in all family matters.
When you got married in the traditional manner, you had true love between the two of you.
True lover NEVER dies. Any broken marriage can be healed. For "HOW-TO" go to our website, tab: Services, sub-page: Restoring Any Marriage™.
Practically all gang members & mass shooters have two things in common: (1) they are victims of a divorce & (2) they are all males.
A growing boy needs especially his father's continuous presence and guidance, more so than his mother's. The moral in our marriages has gone close to a zero. The children grow up disturbed & misled. In addition, the violent video games & violent movies are replacing the parental love & healthy attention - the children get a wrong picture about being a human being. The young mass killers suffer from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™.
In a family separation & divorce both spouses will experience (1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties. Any traditionally done marriage turned dysfunctional can be healed. Giving up as the first solution is not reasonable for anyone. A separation and a divorce are serious child abuse.
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here: (1) overall increased risks to health & welfare; (2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researchers: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
The long-term solution is to start educating the whole nation how to heal the American Family & our homes where our children are growing up. In the U.S. marriage happiness & child raising education for every family & every teenager in our schools (and colleges) is fully missing today but is present in most other developed countries in their school curricula.
In a happy home with both parents present the children grow up healthy - no Broken Marriage Syndrome™ and no reason to go to punish the world by killing everyone around.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a fully new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency, and to be named its first federal director. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner. Less Suffering - More Life™
Visit STAF, Inc.'s extensive websites. To find the correct website, use STAF, Inc.'s Radio Show title - lower & upper keys as is here: "DrDrCanYouHelpMe" in the internet search. Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Show (original recordings in the internet 24/7) - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits.
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc.'s founding President
________________________________________________________
I Tell Him to "Do Whatever You Want"
Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc. is the leading new organization in all family matters.
When you got married in the traditional manner, you had true love between the two of you.
True lover NEVER dies. Any broken marriage can be healed. For "HOW-TO" go to our website, tab: Services, sub-page: Restoring Any Marriage™.
Practically all gang members & mass shooters have two things in common: (1) they are victims of a divorce & (2) they are all males.
A growing boy needs especially his father's continuous presence and guidance, more so than his mother's. The moral in our marriages has gone close to a zero. The children grow up disturbed & misled. In addition, the violent video games & violent movies are replacing the parental love & healthy attention - the children get a wrong picture about being a human being. The young mass killers suffer from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™.
In a family separation & divorce both spouses will experience (1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties. Any traditionally done marriage turned dysfunctional can be healed. Giving up as the first solution is not reasonable for anyone. A separation and a divorce are serious child abuse.
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here: (1) overall increased risks to health & welfare; (2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researchers: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
The long-term solution is to start educating the whole nation how to heal the American Family & our homes where our children are growing up. In the U.S. marriage happiness & child raising education for every family & every teenager in our schools (and colleges) is fully missing today but is present in most other developed countries in their school curricula.
In a happy home with both parents present the children grow up healthy - no Broken Marriage Syndrome™ and no reason to go to punish the world by killing everyone around.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a fully new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency, and to be named its first federal director. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner. Less Suffering - More Life™
Visit STAF, Inc.'s extensive websites. To find the correct website, use STAF, Inc.'s Radio Show title - lower & upper keys as is here: "DrDrCanYouHelpMe" in the internet search. Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Show (original recordings in the internet 24/7) - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits.
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc.'s founding President
________________________________________________________
5 Realistic Reasons Why Women Cheat
As far as stereotypes go, a wandering eye and the urge to jump into bed with multiple partners seems to be built into a man's DNA, but when it comes to cheating, the sexes are created more equally than we think. (Cough, Kristen Stewart, cough.) Renee Lee, a relationship expert with a masters in psychology, dishes out five reasons why women cheat.
1. Going Through A Transition
"If it is graduating, turning a certain age, losing a parent or advancing the relationship status, women become introspective," explains Lee. "Even if it is something she wants, such as just getting engaged or graduating, the transition can stir up an array of emotions about where her life is going or where she is in it. The discomfort of change can trigger an impulsive desire to find someone to take her focus off the change and be a diversion for what she is going through."
2. Not Feeling Adequately Celebrated
We've all been here: "May it be getting a promotion, organizing a fundraiser, or making Thanksgiving dinner for a party of 20, men often make the misstep of "not complimenting their partner's achievements," Lee says. "Women seek an emotional connection that their partner notices them, is proud of their achievements, and appreciates what they do, so when they aren't getting this at home the residual effects lead to feelings of frustration, dissatisfaction, depression, and restlessness."
And that's when they could go looking for it elsewhere. "When you are living in the day to day with someone, it is challenging to step outside a situation and notice the things that do matter to someone," adds Lee "As this wears down over time, so as soon as the woman encounters someone who ignites the spark they are lacking at home, they equate it to an emotional connection and seek companionship with someone else."
Related: click: Why Guys Cheat
3. Feeling A Relationship Ending
"When a woman feels that uneasy sense that a relationship is on the outs, by either her doing or his, she will often look to fill the void externally to soften the blow," Lee reasons for a woman's infidelity. "If she is the one considering the breakup, she may be using this tactic as a challenge to herself both testing the waters, and then gauge if she can go through with it."
4. It's Just Not Fun Anymore
...But it's too hard to pull the plug. "When you don't laugh, you don't love. Laughter is one of the key elements in a relationship that often gets overlooked," Lee explains, simply. "When stresses of day to day life become the dominant factor in a relationship, women feel unhappy. When they come across a coworker, or friend that they have a good time with, it suddenly brings to light what is missing in their own relationship and becomes tempting to act upon."
5. It's Boring In The Bedroom
Men aren't the only ones who need to spice things up. "Women need to feel desired!" Lee declares. "If she is not getting any, enough, or nothing to talk about, women start to feel a sexual void. With the popularity of books such as Fifty Shades of Grey, television shows, or listening to friends talk about their fun single trysts, women have that moment when they compare their love life at home to what the rest of the world seems to be experiencing." And that's when she may start to wonder what she's missing.
"Though it is easy to pinpoint the flaws in one's sex life, it is often hard to make the changes needed to correct them," adds Lee. "This creates a temptation in women to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere with someone they don't have the baggage with and can be more uninhibited."
Now you know why women cheat. But we say, if you're thinking about cheating, just break up with the guy, before you move on to a new one.
Source: Internet
_______________________________________
Additional proof for the Broken Marriage Syndrome™
__________
Additional proof for the Broken Family Syndrome™
Steubenville High School football players
found guilty of raping 16-year-old girl
Below in red # 5 of the 12 life-destroying disasters any child is facing when the father is absent
based on a separation or in a divorce and is not daily guiding the growing son
The 12 disasters are placed in his tab in several locations (go up or go down you'll see them & you'll see them also in the article placed on the internet as a comment to the article (copy here below)
In the article below the father, based on his own will, admits (quote): "Later, Richmond's biological father, Nathaniel, also addressed the court and the victim's family, placing some of the blame for his son's actions on his own life troubles and being an absentee father."
"Everyone knows I wasn't there for my son," Nathaniel Richmond said. "I feel responsible for his actions. I feel highly responsible for his actions."
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
Some other facts on the disaster list above match this case. - see the list above.
The article
Inside a small Steubenville, Ohio, courtroom filled with sobbing and exhausting emotion, Judge Thomas Lipps found Trent Mays and Ma'lik Richmond guilty Sunday of raping an intoxicated 16-year-old girl. Lipps sentenced both defendants to a minimum of one year in a youth correctional institute with the determination for a longer sentence coming from child-service experts.
Mays received an additional year for transmission of nude photos, to be served after his rape sentence is completed. Mays and Richmond also will have to register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives.
"It provides a great incentive to do well," said Lipps, who could have ordered Mays and Richmond to remain behind bars until they turned 21.
Mays, 17, and Richmond, 16, both wept, at times uncontrollably, as the verdict was announced. Mays buried his head in a handkerchief as defense attorneys rubbed his back. He later hugged his parents goodbye.
Richmond was able to stand and approach the victim's family and deliver a tearful apology before breaking down into the arms of court manager Fred Adballa Jr.
"I'm sorry," Richmond said through gasps and cries, "for putting you guys through this. I'm sorry."
[Related: Steubenville rape trial divides Ohio town]
Later, Richmond's biological father, Nathaniel, also addressed the court and the victim's family, placing some of the blame for his son's actions on his own life troubles and being an absentee father.
"Everyone knows I wasn't there for my son," Nathaniel Richmond said. "I feel responsible for his actions. I feel highly responsible for his actions."
The five-day trial of Mays and Richmond for the August 2012 rape of the West Virginia girl, who had come across the Ohio River for a night of partying, engulfed this old mill town in the eastern part of the state. Both boys are members of the high-profile and historically successful Big Red football team at Steubenville High School, which serves as a point of pride for the city dealing with economic hardship after the collapse of the steel industry.
Trent Mays, left, gets a hug from his father after Trent was found guilty of rape. (AP)Put in the spotlight was the local football team, which, critics said, allowed players to brazenly operate seemingly above the law for years. Social-media accounts, self-made videos, photos and classless text messages exposed an entire world that seemed like a Hollywood script of a high school team out of control.
It also exposed a teenage culture of weak ethics, rampant alcohol abuse and poor family structures that wound up dooming Mays and Richmond, both of whom had promising futures and no criminal past.
After the verdict, Nathaniel Richmond approached the defense table and held his son for a prolonged period. According to defense attorney Walter Madison – who was overcome with tears for what he said was the first time in his legal career – the elder Richmond told his son he loved him.
"I knew he realized he loved him, but he never told him [before]," Madison said. "So it took this."
It took this for a lot of things to come to light.
Rape, experts say, is a crime of power and control more than sex. Underlying all of that is arrogance, and in Steubenville it was taken to the extreme.
Throughout this trial, the two defendants and a parade of friends who wound up mostly testifying against the defendants, expressed little understanding of rape – let alone common decency or respect for women. Despite the conviction, the defendants likely don't view themselves as rapists, at least not the classic sense of a man hiding in the shadows.
[Related: Opening day of Steubenville rape trial focuses on key photo of girl]
"It wasn't violent," explained teammate Evan Westlake when asked why he didn't stop the two defendants as they abused a non-moving girl that Westlake knew to be highly intoxicated. "I always pictured it as forcing yourself on someone."
That was part of the arrogance.
Arrogance from the defendants. Arrogance from the friends. Arrogance within the culture.
Arrogance based on the fact that this night, witnesses testified over and over, wasn't strikingly different than any other night in the life of a Big Red football player.
The boys drank. They drove around. They went to each other's houses until 2, 3, 4 in the morning. They exploited permissive parents who let the party continue. They, according to so many locals, knew there were bars that would serve them, liquor stores that would supply them and adults who would look the other way. They were football players being football players.
They slept wherever and whenever they crashed, preferably with some girl. Any girl.
They were allowed the freedoms of young adults, yet lacked the maturity to handle that freedom.
"The entitlement we heard during testimony, it didn't seem like any empathy or support for the victim," said Katie Hanna, statewide director of the Ohio Alliance to End Sexual Violence. "To see these things happen and to say, 'I don't recall; I didn't think it was a bad thing; I just thought this was OK.' It suggests that this was commonplace behavior."
[Related: Focus of Steubenville trial shifts to teens' text messages]
Two protesters hug after hearing the verdict in the trial of Mays and Richmond. (Reuters)It's not that these kids were pure evil. Far from it. Most were headed to college or the military. They appeared presentable. Richmond, who came from a troubled family background, had seemingly turned the corner. As a sophomore about to be a starter on the varsity, his future was bright.
"Everything he was working to get away from, he was headed in [the right] direction," said Madison, his attorney.
In some actions, this was obvious. In others, it clearly was not. It was that way for everyone, charged or not.
At one point of the night of the incident, Westlake, who was sober, determined that his friend Mark Cole was too drunk to make a 10-minute drive home. At first, Cole refused to turn over his keys, claiming he could operate his Volkswagen Jetta just fine. Westlake was undeterred, though, eventually "tricking" Cole by waiting for him to relax and then forcibly seizing the keys.
Yet maybe a half-hour later, Westlake walked in on the girl, sprawled out naked in the middle of a basement floor. To her side was Mays, exposed and slapping his penis on the girl's hip. Behind her was Richmond, who, Westlake said, was violating her with two fingers.
Westlake said goodbye to the guys and kept walking. A good friend with his eye on the safety of others just minutes before was suddenly unaware or unsure of what to do – or simply uncaring enough to do anything at all.
"Something has gotten in there that said, 'OK, we need to prevent drinking and driving,' " Hanna said. "We need to take it to that level with preventing sexual assault."
Earlier in the night, the girl sat in the middle of the street in front of one of the player's homes, leaning over slightly and puking. She was a mess, in need of significant help. One of the boys – no one recalls who exactly – took her shirt off so she wouldn't stain it, but then left her sitting there in just shorts and a bra.
Soon, a group of the teenagers were laughing at the girl and her sorry state. One kid, Patrick Pizzoferrato, pulled out $3 and said he'd give it to anyone who urinated on her.
"I made it as a joke," Pizzoferrato testified. "… I don't think anyone thought I was serious when I said that."
It stands to reason that Pizzoferrato was being truthful. No one took him up on it. After a night of partying, surrounded by friends, never assuming that whatever he said would wind up in the center of a closely followed criminal proceeding, Pizzoferrato was making a crude and immature joke. He's a high school kid. They aren't known for tact.
Yet along with the joke came nothing else. No one thought to get the girl real help, to call her friends, to take her home, to assure she was safe and watched. She was just another drunk chick to be mocked, scooped up and used.
[Related: Did conviction in Steubenville trial come at a cost?]
Within minutes, Mays was fondling her in the backseat of a crowded car while his buddy Cole filmed the act on his cell phone.
Arrogance? Arrogance is looking at a girl in desperate need of help, looking at a friend who was committing an obvious felony and deciding what the moment called for was an impromptu porn shoot.
It also was this colossal arrogance that doomed the defendants and everyone involved. The hubris of their high school good life causing a downfall that will be felt – even by those who escaped prosecution – for a lifetime.
Mays, 17, was also found guilty of transmission of nude photos of the 16-year-old girl. (AP)The girl testified she woke up with no recollection of what happened. It wasn't until she began hearing the chatter on social media and eventually saw a picture of herself just after the incident that she believed she'd been attacked.
Had nothing been said, shot or sent, this would've been just another night, like sadly so many anywhere in America with a confused girl wondering what really happened.
Instead, this group of teens, so full of an overabundance of self worth, filmed and documented the crime, perhaps never assuming anyone would see it for what it was.
They basically told the victim about it. Their friends essentially took real-time crime-scene photos for the cops. Of course, this was only possible because Mays and Richmond were more than comfortable committing the crime right in front of witnesses in the first place.
Mays, in particular, essentially confessed to the crime via hundreds of text messages over the next few days – ranging from profound bravado in the immediate aftermath, to matter-of-fact statements the next day, to a panicked attempted cover-up and witness control as reality began to set in.
Mays all but wrote out the prosecution's closing arguments.
Yes, this was extreme arrogance. The arrogance to not just joke and brag like the teenage boys they were, but to commit those jokes to text messages, to snap a photo of the girl being carried out like she was a casualty coming off a battle field. Even guys who weren't there sat around a basement laughing about how "the dead girl" was "so raped."
[Related: Victim testifies during fourth day of Steubenville rape trial]
The arrogance to assume everyone else would think like them, to take outlandish jokes told in private and put them on YouTube for everyone to see. It's one thing to say something stupid. It's another to promote it to the world.
Only, they later found out – harshly – that the rest of the world didn't find it such a laughing matter.
Steubenville has a long and colorful history of organized crime, an Appalachian river town full of gambling, booze and bootlegging, of corrupt politicians and crooked union bosses thriving through the decades.
The Big Red players were disorganized crime. No secrets. No code words. No shame. They neither grasped the depth of the crime nor the unrelenting pressure of true authority – not their compliant parents or ball coach, but a legal system that didn't care a whit about Steubenville High football.
Steubenville's football program has long been a source of pride in the community. (Reuters)For all the rumors and speculation around town of cover-ups and favoritism being played, the authorities did their job. There is zero indication the Steubenville police did anything but aggressively and swiftly investigate the charges.
When understandable conflicts of interest – only 18,000 people live in the city and everyone knows everyone – arose in the local prosecutors office, the case was handed over to the state's attorney general out of Columbus. A judge was brought in from across the state, near Cincinnati. And it was Judge Lipps, not anyone around Steubenville, who granted immunity to the witnesses.
Meanwhile, attorney general Mike DeWine called on Sunday for a grand jury to continue an investigation into the case.
"This community desperately needs to have this behind them," DeWine said. "But this community also desperately needs to know justice was done and that no stone was left unturned."
It's still hard to say if Mays and Richmond ever grasped the trouble they were in until Sunday.
Mays knew enough to grow concerned. The girl was never sure whether to press charges, but once her parents found out, there would be no doubt. They culled social media for clues and walked into the Steubenville Police Department with a flash drive of evidence.
Just prior to that, Mays became panicked and texted the girl.
"I'm about to get kicked off my football team," Mays wrote.
"The more you bring up football, the more pissed I get," the girl wrote back. "Because that's like all you care about."
Trent Mays and Ma'lik Richmond were soon arrested after that text exchange. Legendary coach Reno Saccoccia couldn't help them now. The power of Big Red, their families' good names, their otherwise clean pasts and strong futures, meant nothing.
A culture of arrogance created a group mindset of debauchery and disrespect, of misplaced manhood and lost morality.
Drunk on their own small-town greatness, they operated unaware of common decency until they went too far, wrote too much, bragged too many times a
Study the response article next below
placed by STAF, Inc. on the internet for this above article
It has important, life-saving information
_________________
The Commenting Article
Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
A growing boy needs especially his father's continuous presence and guidance, more so than his mother's. The moral in our marriages has gone close to a zero. The children grow up disturbed & misled. In addition, the violent video games & violent movies are replacing the parental love & healthy attention - the children get a wrong picture about being a human being. These teenage rapists and the young mass killers suffer from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™.
The father admits in the article that his lacking presence in the family and his missing guidance is the main reason to the raping.
In a family separation & divorce both spouses will experience (1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties. Any traditionally done marriage turned dysfunctional can be healed. Giving up as the first solution is not reasonable for anyone. A separation and a divorce are serious child abuse.
Every child experiencing a parental separation or divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here: (1) overall increased risks to health & welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researchers: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
The sentencing terms are O.K. except one detail is too harsh: a lifetime registration as a sex offenders is not reasonable in this case - for a few years, yes. Perhaps the defense lawyer will appeal at least this unreasonable part of the sentence.
In the first place our society is guilty of not protecting our children from a disastrous entertaining of murders & raping and the ignorance of educating our parents to be more responsible in their family union and not just walk out at the "first" hard-time event. All this and similar wrong things in our society destroy our children and then we wash our adult, bloody hands and blame our children - see the science facts above.
The long-term solution is to start educating the whole nation how to heal the American Family & our homes where our children are growing up. In the U.S. marriage happiness & child raising education for every family & every teenager in our schools (and colleges) is fully missing today but is present in most other developed countries in their school curricula.
In a happy home with both parents present the children grow up healthy - no Broken Marriage Syndrome™ and no reason to go to punish the world by raping or mass-killing everyone around.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a fully new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency, and to be named its first federal director. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner.
Visit STAF, Inc.'s extensive websites. To find the correct website, use STAF, Inc.'s Radio Show title - lower & upper keys as is here: "DrDrCanYouHelpMe" in the internet search. Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Show (original recordings in the internet 24/7) - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits.
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc. President
_____________________________
Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
A growing boy needs especially his father's continuous presence and guidance, more so than his mother's. The moral in our marriages has gone close to a zero. The children grow up disturbed & misled. In addition, the violent video games & violent movies are replacing the parental love & healthy attention - the children get a wrong picture about being a human being. These teenage rapists and the young mass killers suffer from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™.
The father admits in the article that his lacking presence in the family and his missing guidance is the main reason to the raping.
In a family separation & divorce both spouses will experience (1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties. Any traditionally done marriage turned dysfunctional can be healed. Giving up as the first solution is not reasonable for anyone. A separation and a divorce are serious child abuse.
Every child experiencing a parental separation or divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here: (1) overall increased risks to health & welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researchers: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
The sentencing terms are O.K. except one detail is too harsh: a lifetime registration as a sex offenders is not reasonable in this case - for a few years, yes. Perhaps the defense lawyer will appeal at least this unreasonable part of the sentence.
In the first place our society is guilty of not protecting our children from a disastrous entertaining of murders & raping and the ignorance of educating our parents to be more responsible in their family union and not just walk out at the "first" hard-time event. All this and similar wrong things in our society destroy our children and then we wash our adult, bloody hands and blame our children - see the science facts above.
The long-term solution is to start educating the whole nation how to heal the American Family & our homes where our children are growing up. In the U.S. marriage happiness & child raising education for every family & every teenager in our schools (and colleges) is fully missing today but is present in most other developed countries in their school curricula.
In a happy home with both parents present the children grow up healthy - no Broken Marriage Syndrome™ and no reason to go to punish the world by raping or mass-killing everyone around.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a fully new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency, and to be named its first federal director. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner.
Visit STAF, Inc.'s extensive websites. To find the correct website, use STAF, Inc.'s Radio Show title - lower & upper keys as is here: "DrDrCanYouHelpMe" in the internet search. Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Show (original recordings in the internet 24/7) - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits.
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc. President
_____________________________
Legal:
STAF, Inc.'s website content is intended only to assist you with decisions. The content is broad in scope and does not consider your personal financial or any other situation. STAF, Inc. recommends that you seek the advice of advisers who are fully aware of your individual circumstances before making any final decisions or implementing any financial or other strategy.
________________
STAF, Inc.'s website content is intended only to assist you with decisions. The content is broad in scope and does not consider your personal financial or any other situation. STAF, Inc. recommends that you seek the advice of advisers who are fully aware of your individual circumstances before making any final decisions or implementing any financial or other strategy.
________________
IMPORTANT LIFE-SAVING INFO
Breastfeeding for Six Months or longer
Can Significantly Cut the Mother's Risk of Cancer Death
As Can Less Alcohol and Staying in Shape, Study Finds
Breastfeeding helps the baby to develop in a healthier manner & stay healthy
“No previous study has investigated the association between breastfeeding and mortality in the mother,” lead researcher Anne-Claire Vergnaud told. Dr. Vergnaud, of London’s Imperial College faculty of medicine, added that a previous study found “failure to breastfeed” related to an increased risk of premenopausal breast cancer, ovarian cancer, diabetes and other conditions.
STAF, Inc.: Any Baby Formula is only for secondary use - it is man-made, creates toxins in the baby's digestive system - natural food is meant for the baby as also for any adult. If the mother for any reason cannot breastfeed, contact STAF, Inc.'s specialists for additional guidance by phone or email - or as will be agreed (h0me page has the contact info). There are other natural food sources healthier for the baby.
Click green for further info
Women still confused by the breast milk vs. formula debate may want to listen up, as a new study has found exclusively breastfeeding your baby for at least six months could cut your chances of dying from cancer and all other diseases by 17 percent—and death by heart disease alone by 8 percent.
Breast is Best? One Dad Says No to Breastfeeding
The mass study, published online Wednesday in the (click green) American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, examined breastfeeding and other lifestyle recommendations from the American Institute for Cancer Research (AICR) and its umbrella World Cancer Research Fund International and their effects on nearly 380,000 people in several European countries over 13 years.
Vitamins May Increase Women's Risk of Dying, Research Finds
STAF, Inc. comment: Man-made vitamins are not natural - they create toxins in the digestive system - eat natural food, eat in all 7 rainbow colors daily (= red, orange, yellow, green, blue, darker blue, violet) vegetables, fruits, drink plain water (coffee, tea, no soda (sugary, nor diet soda - they both kill) - liquids daily 50 -100 % in oz. equal to your healthy, normal body weight (not relating to a possible overweight #).
It found that both women and men could cut their risk of death on average by a third, simply by adhering to one or several healthy lifestyle choices: keeping lean but not underweight, eating a plant-based diet, being active for at least 30 minutes daily, avoiding sugary & diet drinks and highly caloric foods, lowering fatty meat intake (eat lean meat, less), and limiting alcohol intake (women one drink max/day, men two drinks max/day (n0 need to drink if you do not wish).
But findings on the additional breastfeeding recommendation for women represented perhaps the freshest recommendation in the mix.
“No previous study has investigated the association between breastfeeding and mortality in the mother,” lead researcher Anne-Claire Vergnaud told Yahoo! Shine. Dr. Vergnaud, of London’s Imperial College faculty of medicine, added that a previous study found “failure to breastfeed” related to an increased risk of premenopausal breast cancer, ovarian cancer, diabetes and other conditions.
There are several connections between breastfeeding and longevity, AICR Director of Research Susan Higginbotham explained to Yahoo! Shine. "Longer breastfeeding means fewer menstrual cycles and reduced lifetime exposure to the hormonal factors, especially estrogen, that influence breast cancer risk," she said. "Physical changes in breast tissue that accompany milk production provide some protection as well." She added, that the shedding of breast tissue during lactation and the cell death after also decrease cancer risk, "because cells have potential DNA damage get shed before they can spark the cancer process."
There are even benefits for the baby, Dr. Higginbotham said, as breastfeeding decreases the likelihood that a child will be overweight during early adulthood, and being obese or overweight are major risk factors for seven different kinds of cancer.
Currently, only 16 percent of women in the U.S. exclusively breastfeed their babies for six months, according to the CDC. That percentage jumps to 36 for those exclusively breastfeeding for three months, and 47 for those who breastfeed for six months but combine it with using other nutrition sources.
For the study, researchers examined the data from the European Prospective Investigation into Cancer (EPIC), one of the world’s largest ongoing studies of diet, lifestyle and cancer. At the end of the study, nearly 24,000 participants had died of various causes. Participants in the highest healthy-lifestyle score category (5-6 points for men, 6-7 points for women) had a 34 percent lower chance of death than those in the lowest category (0-2 points for men, 0-3 points for women).
But even adhering to just one of the lifestyle recommendations—developed by AICR and WCRF in 2007—can save your life, according to the report. Maintaining a healthy BMI, for example, can lower your risk of disease-caused mortality by 22 percent, while eating a plant-based diet can lower it by 21 percent.
“We’ve known for years that following AICR’s lifestyle advice could cut the worldwide incidence of cancer cases by about one-third,” Dr. Higginbotham said of the study results. “Today we have evidence on mortality, which shows that this same practical advice could also save millions of lives from cancer and other chronic diseases around the world.”
Source: (click green) American Journal of Clinical Nutrition
Below: Placed (4/3/13) as a comment on the internet for the above article
________________________________________
Breastfeeding for Six Months or longer
Can Significantly Cut the Mother's Risk of Cancer Death
As Can Less Alcohol and Staying in Shape, Study Finds
Breastfeeding helps the baby to develop in a healthier manner & stay healthy
“No previous study has investigated the association between breastfeeding and mortality in the mother,” lead researcher Anne-Claire Vergnaud told. Dr. Vergnaud, of London’s Imperial College faculty of medicine, added that a previous study found “failure to breastfeed” related to an increased risk of premenopausal breast cancer, ovarian cancer, diabetes and other conditions.
STAF, Inc.: Any Baby Formula is only for secondary use - it is man-made, creates toxins in the baby's digestive system - natural food is meant for the baby as also for any adult. If the mother for any reason cannot breastfeed, contact STAF, Inc.'s specialists for additional guidance by phone or email - or as will be agreed (h0me page has the contact info). There are other natural food sources healthier for the baby.
Click green for further info
Women still confused by the breast milk vs. formula debate may want to listen up, as a new study has found exclusively breastfeeding your baby for at least six months could cut your chances of dying from cancer and all other diseases by 17 percent—and death by heart disease alone by 8 percent.
Breast is Best? One Dad Says No to Breastfeeding
The mass study, published online Wednesday in the (click green) American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, examined breastfeeding and other lifestyle recommendations from the American Institute for Cancer Research (AICR) and its umbrella World Cancer Research Fund International and their effects on nearly 380,000 people in several European countries over 13 years.
Vitamins May Increase Women's Risk of Dying, Research Finds
STAF, Inc. comment: Man-made vitamins are not natural - they create toxins in the digestive system - eat natural food, eat in all 7 rainbow colors daily (= red, orange, yellow, green, blue, darker blue, violet) vegetables, fruits, drink plain water (coffee, tea, no soda (sugary, nor diet soda - they both kill) - liquids daily 50 -100 % in oz. equal to your healthy, normal body weight (not relating to a possible overweight #).
It found that both women and men could cut their risk of death on average by a third, simply by adhering to one or several healthy lifestyle choices: keeping lean but not underweight, eating a plant-based diet, being active for at least 30 minutes daily, avoiding sugary & diet drinks and highly caloric foods, lowering fatty meat intake (eat lean meat, less), and limiting alcohol intake (women one drink max/day, men two drinks max/day (n0 need to drink if you do not wish).
But findings on the additional breastfeeding recommendation for women represented perhaps the freshest recommendation in the mix.
“No previous study has investigated the association between breastfeeding and mortality in the mother,” lead researcher Anne-Claire Vergnaud told Yahoo! Shine. Dr. Vergnaud, of London’s Imperial College faculty of medicine, added that a previous study found “failure to breastfeed” related to an increased risk of premenopausal breast cancer, ovarian cancer, diabetes and other conditions.
There are several connections between breastfeeding and longevity, AICR Director of Research Susan Higginbotham explained to Yahoo! Shine. "Longer breastfeeding means fewer menstrual cycles and reduced lifetime exposure to the hormonal factors, especially estrogen, that influence breast cancer risk," she said. "Physical changes in breast tissue that accompany milk production provide some protection as well." She added, that the shedding of breast tissue during lactation and the cell death after also decrease cancer risk, "because cells have potential DNA damage get shed before they can spark the cancer process."
There are even benefits for the baby, Dr. Higginbotham said, as breastfeeding decreases the likelihood that a child will be overweight during early adulthood, and being obese or overweight are major risk factors for seven different kinds of cancer.
Currently, only 16 percent of women in the U.S. exclusively breastfeed their babies for six months, according to the CDC. That percentage jumps to 36 for those exclusively breastfeeding for three months, and 47 for those who breastfeed for six months but combine it with using other nutrition sources.
For the study, researchers examined the data from the European Prospective Investigation into Cancer (EPIC), one of the world’s largest ongoing studies of diet, lifestyle and cancer. At the end of the study, nearly 24,000 participants had died of various causes. Participants in the highest healthy-lifestyle score category (5-6 points for men, 6-7 points for women) had a 34 percent lower chance of death than those in the lowest category (0-2 points for men, 0-3 points for women).
But even adhering to just one of the lifestyle recommendations—developed by AICR and WCRF in 2007—can save your life, according to the report. Maintaining a healthy BMI, for example, can lower your risk of disease-caused mortality by 22 percent, while eating a plant-based diet can lower it by 21 percent.
“We’ve known for years that following AICR’s lifestyle advice could cut the worldwide incidence of cancer cases by about one-third,” Dr. Higginbotham said of the study results. “Today we have evidence on mortality, which shows that this same practical advice could also save millions of lives from cancer and other chronic diseases around the world.”
Source: (click green) American Journal of Clinical Nutrition
Below: Placed (4/3/13) as a comment on the internet for the above article
________________________________________
Placed (4/3/13) as a STAF, Inc.'s comment on the internet for the above article:
Breastfeeding for Six Months or longer Can Significantly Cut the Mother's Risk of Cancer Death - As Can Less Alcohol and Staying in Shape, Study Find - Breastfeeding helps the baby to develop in a healthier manner & stay healthy
Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
Avoid big food bills, big bellies & big sickness costs
Quotation: "To stay healthy you need to eat what your body wants, not what you want"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.)
Some facts for good health & a long life are: healthy nutrition, enough sleep, fresh water daily 50 % - 100 % of your "healthy" weight in oz., (NO soda, sugary or non-sugary - both kill), physical activity, good social/family life, life with purposeful goals & our genetic factors (the negative ones can be beaten).
STAF, Inc. has developed a new Healthy Lifestyle & Correct Nutrition Program for the U.S. government's use - worldwide it fits for every nation's use.
Totally it took 26 years to develop, first 19 years worldwide research and the past 7 years to modify it for the U.S. needs. It is a program that, for the first time ever, covers all necessary elements to get the lasting results in all family related challenges and in our rampant obesity, overweight & sickness levels. Its nutritional program leading to health & to a longer life is at the same time an automatic weight loss program: nothing to buy, no calories to count, no unreasonable portion control - eat as needed; just follow the easy what-to-eat instructions.
You are not going to walk around hungry. You can even visit, now & then, a casino buffet - the real sin for overeating - enjoy, if you so wish.
The biggest news is this: the correct, health-restoring & health-maintaining food with all necessary daily nutrients in the correct combination costs ONLY about $95 per one (adult) person monthly. Based on the new program's detailed guidance, you buy your food ingredients in your local supermarket & prepare your food in your own kitchen based on the new, delicious recipes. The bigger the family, the less $ per/person. Only a program everyone can afford is a solution to our nation's health challenges.
How much are your food expenses time being? Probably many times more than in this new STAF, Inc.'s results bringing program. This means: everyone can afford this amazing program whether one works on the minimum salary or lives on the social security or similar. The saved money this new STAF, Inc. program guides you to place in safe investments - STAF, Inc. endorses only a few investment adviser companies as reliable. With the saved money your family can create substantial wealth within time. Also a millionaire?
The new Healthy Lifestyle & Correct Nutrition program will, in a televised D.C. event, be introduced to our nation, to The W.H., The President & The First Lady, The U.S. Congress & Senate & to all related federal agencies.
STAF, Inc.has 10 private services given a unique lifetime result-guarantee with only a one-time fee. See the list in our website.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency & to be named its first federal director. New legislation & training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner. STAF, Inc.'s slogan: Less suffering - more life™
On STAF, Inc.'s website page tops is a link to study the original STAF, Inc.'s founding documents to see its mission statements.
Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Shows - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits nationwide or worldwide.
To visit STAF, Inc.'s extensive website, use its Radio Show title in the internet search - the lower & upper keys as here in the show title: DrDrCanYouHelpMe.
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF. Inc.'s founding President
_________________________________________________________________
Breastfeeding for Six Months or longer Can Significantly Cut the Mother's Risk of Cancer Death - As Can Less Alcohol and Staying in Shape, Study Find - Breastfeeding helps the baby to develop in a healthier manner & stay healthy
Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
Avoid big food bills, big bellies & big sickness costs
Quotation: "To stay healthy you need to eat what your body wants, not what you want"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.)
Some facts for good health & a long life are: healthy nutrition, enough sleep, fresh water daily 50 % - 100 % of your "healthy" weight in oz., (NO soda, sugary or non-sugary - both kill), physical activity, good social/family life, life with purposeful goals & our genetic factors (the negative ones can be beaten).
STAF, Inc. has developed a new Healthy Lifestyle & Correct Nutrition Program for the U.S. government's use - worldwide it fits for every nation's use.
Totally it took 26 years to develop, first 19 years worldwide research and the past 7 years to modify it for the U.S. needs. It is a program that, for the first time ever, covers all necessary elements to get the lasting results in all family related challenges and in our rampant obesity, overweight & sickness levels. Its nutritional program leading to health & to a longer life is at the same time an automatic weight loss program: nothing to buy, no calories to count, no unreasonable portion control - eat as needed; just follow the easy what-to-eat instructions.
You are not going to walk around hungry. You can even visit, now & then, a casino buffet - the real sin for overeating - enjoy, if you so wish.
The biggest news is this: the correct, health-restoring & health-maintaining food with all necessary daily nutrients in the correct combination costs ONLY about $95 per one (adult) person monthly. Based on the new program's detailed guidance, you buy your food ingredients in your local supermarket & prepare your food in your own kitchen based on the new, delicious recipes. The bigger the family, the less $ per/person. Only a program everyone can afford is a solution to our nation's health challenges.
How much are your food expenses time being? Probably many times more than in this new STAF, Inc.'s results bringing program. This means: everyone can afford this amazing program whether one works on the minimum salary or lives on the social security or similar. The saved money this new STAF, Inc. program guides you to place in safe investments - STAF, Inc. endorses only a few investment adviser companies as reliable. With the saved money your family can create substantial wealth within time. Also a millionaire?
The new Healthy Lifestyle & Correct Nutrition program will, in a televised D.C. event, be introduced to our nation, to The W.H., The President & The First Lady, The U.S. Congress & Senate & to all related federal agencies.
STAF, Inc.has 10 private services given a unique lifetime result-guarantee with only a one-time fee. See the list in our website.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency & to be named its first federal director. New legislation & training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner. STAF, Inc.'s slogan: Less suffering - more life™
On STAF, Inc.'s website page tops is a link to study the original STAF, Inc.'s founding documents to see its mission statements.
Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Shows - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits nationwide or worldwide.
To visit STAF, Inc.'s extensive website, use its Radio Show title in the internet search - the lower & upper keys as here in the show title: DrDrCanYouHelpMe.
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF. Inc.'s founding President
_________________________________________________________________
Warning: to remove anyone's wisdom tooth/teeth may be fatal
See these 3 related articles 1 of 3 - 3 of 3 - Science facts in article 3 of 3
Man Dies After Wisdom Teeth Removed
Article 1 of 3
The family of a 24-year-old California man who died unexpectedly after having had his wisdom teeth removed is questioning the medical care he received during the routine oral procedure.
After the surgery last month Marek Lapinski, a software developer from San Diego, experienced complications. According to the patient care report released by American Medical Response, Lapinski woke up coughing during the procedure and was given the powerful anesthetic propofol.
But his condition quickly deteriorated and he was transferred to a hospital, where he died three days later. His family and friends have questioned the treatment he received from Dr. Steven Paul, an oral surgeon in Temecula, Calif.
"What's most shocking is the healthy 24-year-old goes in for an operation as routine as having his wisdom teeth removed and dies in the process," Tony Keiser, a friend of the Lapinski family, told ABCNews.com. "It's inconceivable."
According to the patient care report, the paramedics said that Paul had told them that Lapinski woke up during the procedure, started coughing and was given propofol. When Lapinski stopped breathing, CPR was started and the paramedics were called.
After they arrived, according to the report, the paramedics found two pieces of surgical gauze in Lapinski's airway as they tried to intubate him.
"I really pray to God that there's a hell of an investigation on this," Keiser said.
Lapinski's mother, April Lapinski, told ABCNews.com that Paul had come to the hospital to apologize for what had happened.
"He did come, and he, you know, he said he was sorry," she said. "He didn't have any other explanations for me."
Paul has not commented on the case, but his attorney, Clark Hudson, released a statement that said in part: "Dr. Steven Paul has always provided the highest level of oral surgery care to his patients. ... However, safe as oral surgery is in today's environment, no surgical procedure is without risk."
According to the statement, immediate measures were taken to revive Lapinski after his condition began to deteriorate.
"The reason for the patient's decompensation is unknown. However, all standard protocols were followed," Hudson said.
The Los Angeles County Coroner's Office has scheduled an autopsy for later today.
April Lapinski told ABCNews.com that the family was waiting for the coroner's report before deciding if it would pursue legal action.
"Now we wake up every morning and can't believe it," she said. "it's just one big bad dream."
Comments from the public for the above article (in the internet)
(1) Surgical gauze *) was placed in his mouth to absorb any secretions and blood,pt woke up coughing,aspirated the gauze and airway was compromised,given more sedation to "calm" him down,instead he was fighting to get more air...then instead probably had respiratory arrest which led to cardiac arrest...so sad for the family and friends of this young man.gauze = (1) A thin translucent fabric of silk, linen, or cotton.(2) A very fine wire mesh
(2) "Cancels wisdom tooth extraction appointment"
(3) Coughing should have alerted that his airway was compromised. Intubation*) would have prevented this and should be considered when general anesthesia is administered-- particularly for an oral procedure.
*) (Added by STAF, Inc.) Endotracheal intubation is the placement of a tube into the trachea (windpipe) in order to maintain an open airway in patients who are unconscious or unable to breathe on their own. Oxygen, anesthetics, or other gaseous medications can be delivered through the tube.
(4) I had all 4 wisdom teeth pulled at the same time with nothing but Novocaine and drove myself home afterwards. It wasn't a pleasant experience, but I didn't feel any real pain.
Why subject yourself to the risks of general anesthesia if not necessary... especially when not in a hospital administered by a specialist anesthesiologist?
(5) 28 years ago I went to a dentist to have wisdom teeth on left side removed. Instead of having them removed I have had 28 years of chronic pain, numerous surgeries and procedures including having jaw wired for years.This dentist removed my jaw joint instead of a "text book "wisdom tooth, Weird things can happen.
(6) My advice to those people who are getting wisdom teeth removed.....Always use an oral surgeon that you have interviewed, always always make sure they use a bite block, and ask questions.
Sadly, I can see how this horrific senslessness happened. ,,,it all boils down to no respect,,, carelessness, talking instead of paying attention, texting, etc.....when they have someones life in their hands. My sincere thoughts and prayers are with the family.
Source: Internet news Related article 2 0f 3 next below
________________________________
See these 3 related articles 1 of 3 - 3 of 3 - Science facts in article 3 of 3
Man Dies After Wisdom Teeth Removed
Article 1 of 3
The family of a 24-year-old California man who died unexpectedly after having had his wisdom teeth removed is questioning the medical care he received during the routine oral procedure.
After the surgery last month Marek Lapinski, a software developer from San Diego, experienced complications. According to the patient care report released by American Medical Response, Lapinski woke up coughing during the procedure and was given the powerful anesthetic propofol.
But his condition quickly deteriorated and he was transferred to a hospital, where he died three days later. His family and friends have questioned the treatment he received from Dr. Steven Paul, an oral surgeon in Temecula, Calif.
"What's most shocking is the healthy 24-year-old goes in for an operation as routine as having his wisdom teeth removed and dies in the process," Tony Keiser, a friend of the Lapinski family, told ABCNews.com. "It's inconceivable."
According to the patient care report, the paramedics said that Paul had told them that Lapinski woke up during the procedure, started coughing and was given propofol. When Lapinski stopped breathing, CPR was started and the paramedics were called.
After they arrived, according to the report, the paramedics found two pieces of surgical gauze in Lapinski's airway as they tried to intubate him.
"I really pray to God that there's a hell of an investigation on this," Keiser said.
Lapinski's mother, April Lapinski, told ABCNews.com that Paul had come to the hospital to apologize for what had happened.
"He did come, and he, you know, he said he was sorry," she said. "He didn't have any other explanations for me."
Paul has not commented on the case, but his attorney, Clark Hudson, released a statement that said in part: "Dr. Steven Paul has always provided the highest level of oral surgery care to his patients. ... However, safe as oral surgery is in today's environment, no surgical procedure is without risk."
According to the statement, immediate measures were taken to revive Lapinski after his condition began to deteriorate.
"The reason for the patient's decompensation is unknown. However, all standard protocols were followed," Hudson said.
The Los Angeles County Coroner's Office has scheduled an autopsy for later today.
April Lapinski told ABCNews.com that the family was waiting for the coroner's report before deciding if it would pursue legal action.
"Now we wake up every morning and can't believe it," she said. "it's just one big bad dream."
Comments from the public for the above article (in the internet)
(1) Surgical gauze *) was placed in his mouth to absorb any secretions and blood,pt woke up coughing,aspirated the gauze and airway was compromised,given more sedation to "calm" him down,instead he was fighting to get more air...then instead probably had respiratory arrest which led to cardiac arrest...so sad for the family and friends of this young man.gauze = (1) A thin translucent fabric of silk, linen, or cotton.(2) A very fine wire mesh
(2) "Cancels wisdom tooth extraction appointment"
(3) Coughing should have alerted that his airway was compromised. Intubation*) would have prevented this and should be considered when general anesthesia is administered-- particularly for an oral procedure.
*) (Added by STAF, Inc.) Endotracheal intubation is the placement of a tube into the trachea (windpipe) in order to maintain an open airway in patients who are unconscious or unable to breathe on their own. Oxygen, anesthetics, or other gaseous medications can be delivered through the tube.
(4) I had all 4 wisdom teeth pulled at the same time with nothing but Novocaine and drove myself home afterwards. It wasn't a pleasant experience, but I didn't feel any real pain.
Why subject yourself to the risks of general anesthesia if not necessary... especially when not in a hospital administered by a specialist anesthesiologist?
(5) 28 years ago I went to a dentist to have wisdom teeth on left side removed. Instead of having them removed I have had 28 years of chronic pain, numerous surgeries and procedures including having jaw wired for years.This dentist removed my jaw joint instead of a "text book "wisdom tooth, Weird things can happen.
(6) My advice to those people who are getting wisdom teeth removed.....Always use an oral surgeon that you have interviewed, always always make sure they use a bite block, and ask questions.
Sadly, I can see how this horrific senslessness happened. ,,,it all boils down to no respect,,, carelessness, talking instead of paying attention, texting, etc.....when they have someones life in their hands. My sincere thoughts and prayers are with the family.
Source: Internet news Related article 2 0f 3 next below
________________________________
Warning: to remove anyone's wisdom tooth/teeth may be fatal
Article 2 of 3
Comment by STAF, Inc. placed on the internet for the above article
Man Dies After Wisdom Teeth Removed
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
Scientific evidence supporting the routine extraction of wisdom teeth is surprisingly scant, and in some countries the practice has been abandoned.
Avoid big food bills, big bellies & big sickness costs
Quotation: "To stay healthy you need to eat what your body wants, not what you want"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.)
Some facts for good health & a long life are: healthy nutrition, enough sleep, fresh water daily 50 % - 100 % of your "healthy" weight in oz., (NO soda, sugary or non-sugary - both kill), physical activity, good social/family life, life with purposeful goals & our genetic factors (the negative ones can be beaten).
STAF, Inc. has developed a new Healthy Lifestyle & Correct Nutrition Program for the U.S. government's use - worldwide it fits for every nation's use.
Totally it took 26 years to develop, first 19 years worldwide research and the past 7 years to modify it for the U.S. needs. It is a program that, for the first time ever, covers all necessary elements to get the lasting results in all family related challenges and in our rampant obesity, overweight & sickness levels. Its nutritional program leading to health & to a longer life is at the same time an automatic weight loss program: nothing to buy, no calories to count, no unreasonable portion control - eat as needed; just follow the easy what-to-eat instructions.
You are not going to walk around hungry. You can even visit, now & then, a casino buffet - the real sin for overeating - enjoy, if you so wish.
The biggest news is this: the correct, health-restoring & health-maintaining food with all necessary daily nutrients in the correct combination costs ONLY about $95 per one (adult) person monthly. The bigger the family, the less $ per/person. Only a program everyone can afford is a solution to our nation's health challenges.Based on the new program's detailed guidance, you buy your food ingredients and prepare in your own kitchen.
How much are your food expenses time being? Probably many times more than in this new STAF, Inc.'s results bringing program. This means: everyone can afford this amazing program whether one works on the minimum salary or lives on the social security or similar. The saved money this new STAF, Inc. program guides you to place in safe investments - STAF, Inc. endorses only a few investment adviser companies as reliable. With the saved money your family can create substantial wealth within time. Also a millionaire?
The new Healthy Lifestyle & Correct Nutrition program will, in a televised D.C. event, be introduced to our nation, to The W.H., The President & The First Lady, The U.S. Congress & Senate & to all related federal agencies.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency & to be named its first federal director. New legislation & training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner. STAF, Inc.'s slogan: Less suffering - more life™
On STAF, Inc.'s website page tops is a link to study the original STAF, Inc.'s founding documents to see its mission statements.
Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Shows - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits nationwide or worldwide.
To visit STAF, Inc.'s extensive website, use its Radio Show title in the internet search - the lower & upper keys as here in the show title: DrDrCanYouHelpMe.
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF. Inc.'s founding President
Related article 3 0f 3 next below
________________________________
Article 2 of 3
Comment by STAF, Inc. placed on the internet for the above article
Man Dies After Wisdom Teeth Removed
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
Scientific evidence supporting the routine extraction of wisdom teeth is surprisingly scant, and in some countries the practice has been abandoned.
Avoid big food bills, big bellies & big sickness costs
Quotation: "To stay healthy you need to eat what your body wants, not what you want"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.)
Some facts for good health & a long life are: healthy nutrition, enough sleep, fresh water daily 50 % - 100 % of your "healthy" weight in oz., (NO soda, sugary or non-sugary - both kill), physical activity, good social/family life, life with purposeful goals & our genetic factors (the negative ones can be beaten).
STAF, Inc. has developed a new Healthy Lifestyle & Correct Nutrition Program for the U.S. government's use - worldwide it fits for every nation's use.
Totally it took 26 years to develop, first 19 years worldwide research and the past 7 years to modify it for the U.S. needs. It is a program that, for the first time ever, covers all necessary elements to get the lasting results in all family related challenges and in our rampant obesity, overweight & sickness levels. Its nutritional program leading to health & to a longer life is at the same time an automatic weight loss program: nothing to buy, no calories to count, no unreasonable portion control - eat as needed; just follow the easy what-to-eat instructions.
You are not going to walk around hungry. You can even visit, now & then, a casino buffet - the real sin for overeating - enjoy, if you so wish.
The biggest news is this: the correct, health-restoring & health-maintaining food with all necessary daily nutrients in the correct combination costs ONLY about $95 per one (adult) person monthly. The bigger the family, the less $ per/person. Only a program everyone can afford is a solution to our nation's health challenges.Based on the new program's detailed guidance, you buy your food ingredients and prepare in your own kitchen.
How much are your food expenses time being? Probably many times more than in this new STAF, Inc.'s results bringing program. This means: everyone can afford this amazing program whether one works on the minimum salary or lives on the social security or similar. The saved money this new STAF, Inc. program guides you to place in safe investments - STAF, Inc. endorses only a few investment adviser companies as reliable. With the saved money your family can create substantial wealth within time. Also a millionaire?
The new Healthy Lifestyle & Correct Nutrition program will, in a televised D.C. event, be introduced to our nation, to The W.H., The President & The First Lady, The U.S. Congress & Senate & to all related federal agencies.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency & to be named its first federal director. New legislation & training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner. STAF, Inc.'s slogan: Less suffering - more life™
On STAF, Inc.'s website page tops is a link to study the original STAF, Inc.'s founding documents to see its mission statements.
Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Shows - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits nationwide or worldwide.
To visit STAF, Inc.'s extensive website, use its Radio Show title in the internet search - the lower & upper keys as here in the show title: DrDrCanYouHelpMe.
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF. Inc.'s founding President
Related article 3 0f 3 next below
________________________________
Warning: to remove anyone's wisdom tooth/teeth may be fatal
Article 3 of 3
Wisdom of Having That Wisdom Tooth Removed
Click green for further info
We had still not found the perfect duvet cover for my daughter Emma’s college dorm room when she went for a routine dental checkup and was told that her wisdom teeth had to come out, A.S.A.P.
She wasn’t having any problems now, but our dentist said trouble could flare up unexpectedly in the middle of the semester, perhaps in the middle of exams, and then she would probably have to leave school to get the teeth pulled. Better to do it now, he said.
Each year, despite the risks of any surgical procedure, millions of healthy, asymptomatic wisdom teeth are extracted from young patients in the United States, often as they prepare to leave for college. Many dental plans cover the removal of these teeth, which have partly grown in or are impacted below the gum.
But scientific evidence supporting the routine prophylactic (= preventive, avoiding sickness) extraction of wisdom teeth is surprisingly scant, and in some countries the practice has been abandoned. “Everybody is at risk for appendicitis, but do you take out everyone’s appendix?” said Dr. Greg J. Huang, chairman of orthodontics at the University of Washington in Seattle. “I’m not against removing wisdom teeth, but you should do an assessment and have a good clinical reason.”
Oral surgeons have long argued that if you don’t have your wisdom teeth removed at a young age, you are simply postponing the inevitable.
“It’s hard to get a percentage, but probably 75 to 80 percent of people do not meet the criteria of being able to successfully maintain their wisdom teeth,” said Dr. Louis K. Rafetto of Wilmington, Del., who headed the American Association of Oral and Maxillofacial Surgeons’ task force on wisdom teeth.
Another expert, Dr. Raymond P. White Jr., a professor of surgery at the University of North Carolina School of Dentistry, said that roughly 60 to 70 percent of patients with wisdom teeth will eventually have trouble with them, but he acknowledged that data is limited. “We’re making decisions based on the best data we have,” he said.
Those persuasive numbers are used repeatedly by dentists and oral surgeons to justify routine removal of wisdom teeth. Just last year, the surgeons’ association issued a statement subtitled “Keeping Wisdom Teeth May Be More Harmful Than Previously Thought,” saying it was imperative that patients understood “how harmful retaining these wisdom teeth can be.”
The association said that 80 percent of young adults who retained previously healthy wisdom teeth developed problems within seven years, and that retained wisdom teeth are extracted up to 70 percent of the time.
Yet when asked, the association was not able to produce the evidence for these figures. “We were not able to locate the reference for it, and subsequently deleted the statement from our Web site,” Janice Teplitz, the group’s associate executive director of communications, said last week.
As of Monday, however, the association’s Web site still said that “between 25 percent and almost 70 percent” of the time, retained, asymptomatic wisdom teeth “are eventually extracted.”
Many studies suggest that the actual number of people who have trouble with their wisdom teeth is far lower.
Oral surgeons warn that even when young people are not experiencing pain or discomfort, they may have infection or inflammation; numerous studies have found that adults who keep their wisdom teeth tend to have more such problems over time than those who have them removed. But there does not appear to be a single randomized clinical trial — the gold standard for scientific proof — comparing similar patients who have and have not undergone prophylactic wisdom teeth removal.
Our dentist warned us that cysts and tumors could grow around impacted wisdom teeth. But a new study of more than 6,000 patients in Greece found that only 2.7 percent of the teeth had a cyst or tumor. An older study, often cited by critics of routine extraction, found that only 12 percent of 1,756 middle-aged people who had not had impacted wisdom teeth removed experienced a complication.
Numerous comprehensive reviews of research, conducted by independent bodies not affiliated with oral surgeons, have concluded that there was no evidence to support routine prophylactic extraction of impacted but healthy wisdom teeth.
Britain’s National Health Service stopped paying for the procedure if there was no good reason for it after an analysis by its Center for Reviews and Dissemination at the University of York concluded in 1998 that there was no solid scientific evidence to support it. Also that year, the Royal College of Physicians of Edinburgh said that for patients who do not have a condition related to third molars or whose teeth would probably grow in successfully, removal is “not advisable.”
In 2005, a review by the respected Cochrane Collaboration said the number of extractions could be reduced by 60 percent if they weredone only when patients were in pain or developed a condition related to wisdom teeth. The group also said there is “reliable evidence” that suggests that removing wisdom teeth does not prevent or reduce crowding of front teeth.
In 2008, the American Public Health Association dismissed arguments typically made for removing wisdom teeth: that adjacent teeth might be damaged, or that the teeth may harbor bacteria that cause periodontal disease. The association approved a policy saying these concerns do not justify the risks of surgery, which include possible nerve damage, complications from anesthesia. loss of the sense of taste and, very rarely, death.
“The few studies of long-term retention of impacted teeth have shown little risk of harm,” the association concluded.
So given what all agree is a lack of good evidence, how should consumers proceed when a dentist suggests removing healthy wisdom teeth?
IF EXTRACTION IS RECOMMENDED All surgery carries risks, and you should try to ensure that there is something to be gained from having your wisdom teeth removed. Ask what the reason is in your case. Is there a chance the wisdom teeth will grow in successfully? If you see a dentist on a regular basis, is watchful waiting an option?
If you have an infection or inflammation, ask about less-invasive treatment.
The general consensus among critics of routine extraction is that recurrent gum infection, or pericoronitis; irreparable tooth decay; an abscess; cysts; tumors; damage to nearby teeth and bone; or other pathological conditions justify the procedure.
IF YOU CHOOSE SURGERY Most dental plans cover at least some of the costs of extraction. If you don’t have dental insurance, pulling all four teeth may cost several thousand dollars.
Ask if you can have local anesthesia, which is considered safer than general anesthesia.
Follow postoperative instructions carefully. Avoid being very active or eating solid food for three to four days (instead try noodles and milkshakes). Keeping ice on the jaw may help with pain and swelling. Painkillers may be needed. Young patients tend to recover sooner than older patients.
IF YOU DECIDE AGAINST EXTRACTION Good dental hygiene will be even more important for you. The teeth in the back of the mouth are often harder to reach and clean well. Get frequent cleanings, and X-rays if necessary.
Smoking increases the risk of periodontal disease, as does diabetes. If you have cavities in your back molars, you may be at greater risk for problems with the wisdom teeth.
As for my daughter Emma, we have opted for watchful waiting. She went off to college last month, wisdom teeth and all.
Click green for further info
Source: NYT
________________________________________________
Article 3 of 3
Wisdom of Having That Wisdom Tooth Removed
Click green for further info
We had still not found the perfect duvet cover for my daughter Emma’s college dorm room when she went for a routine dental checkup and was told that her wisdom teeth had to come out, A.S.A.P.
She wasn’t having any problems now, but our dentist said trouble could flare up unexpectedly in the middle of the semester, perhaps in the middle of exams, and then she would probably have to leave school to get the teeth pulled. Better to do it now, he said.
Each year, despite the risks of any surgical procedure, millions of healthy, asymptomatic wisdom teeth are extracted from young patients in the United States, often as they prepare to leave for college. Many dental plans cover the removal of these teeth, which have partly grown in or are impacted below the gum.
But scientific evidence supporting the routine prophylactic (= preventive, avoiding sickness) extraction of wisdom teeth is surprisingly scant, and in some countries the practice has been abandoned. “Everybody is at risk for appendicitis, but do you take out everyone’s appendix?” said Dr. Greg J. Huang, chairman of orthodontics at the University of Washington in Seattle. “I’m not against removing wisdom teeth, but you should do an assessment and have a good clinical reason.”
Oral surgeons have long argued that if you don’t have your wisdom teeth removed at a young age, you are simply postponing the inevitable.
“It’s hard to get a percentage, but probably 75 to 80 percent of people do not meet the criteria of being able to successfully maintain their wisdom teeth,” said Dr. Louis K. Rafetto of Wilmington, Del., who headed the American Association of Oral and Maxillofacial Surgeons’ task force on wisdom teeth.
Another expert, Dr. Raymond P. White Jr., a professor of surgery at the University of North Carolina School of Dentistry, said that roughly 60 to 70 percent of patients with wisdom teeth will eventually have trouble with them, but he acknowledged that data is limited. “We’re making decisions based on the best data we have,” he said.
Those persuasive numbers are used repeatedly by dentists and oral surgeons to justify routine removal of wisdom teeth. Just last year, the surgeons’ association issued a statement subtitled “Keeping Wisdom Teeth May Be More Harmful Than Previously Thought,” saying it was imperative that patients understood “how harmful retaining these wisdom teeth can be.”
The association said that 80 percent of young adults who retained previously healthy wisdom teeth developed problems within seven years, and that retained wisdom teeth are extracted up to 70 percent of the time.
Yet when asked, the association was not able to produce the evidence for these figures. “We were not able to locate the reference for it, and subsequently deleted the statement from our Web site,” Janice Teplitz, the group’s associate executive director of communications, said last week.
As of Monday, however, the association’s Web site still said that “between 25 percent and almost 70 percent” of the time, retained, asymptomatic wisdom teeth “are eventually extracted.”
Many studies suggest that the actual number of people who have trouble with their wisdom teeth is far lower.
Oral surgeons warn that even when young people are not experiencing pain or discomfort, they may have infection or inflammation; numerous studies have found that adults who keep their wisdom teeth tend to have more such problems over time than those who have them removed. But there does not appear to be a single randomized clinical trial — the gold standard for scientific proof — comparing similar patients who have and have not undergone prophylactic wisdom teeth removal.
Our dentist warned us that cysts and tumors could grow around impacted wisdom teeth. But a new study of more than 6,000 patients in Greece found that only 2.7 percent of the teeth had a cyst or tumor. An older study, often cited by critics of routine extraction, found that only 12 percent of 1,756 middle-aged people who had not had impacted wisdom teeth removed experienced a complication.
Numerous comprehensive reviews of research, conducted by independent bodies not affiliated with oral surgeons, have concluded that there was no evidence to support routine prophylactic extraction of impacted but healthy wisdom teeth.
Britain’s National Health Service stopped paying for the procedure if there was no good reason for it after an analysis by its Center for Reviews and Dissemination at the University of York concluded in 1998 that there was no solid scientific evidence to support it. Also that year, the Royal College of Physicians of Edinburgh said that for patients who do not have a condition related to third molars or whose teeth would probably grow in successfully, removal is “not advisable.”
In 2005, a review by the respected Cochrane Collaboration said the number of extractions could be reduced by 60 percent if they weredone only when patients were in pain or developed a condition related to wisdom teeth. The group also said there is “reliable evidence” that suggests that removing wisdom teeth does not prevent or reduce crowding of front teeth.
In 2008, the American Public Health Association dismissed arguments typically made for removing wisdom teeth: that adjacent teeth might be damaged, or that the teeth may harbor bacteria that cause periodontal disease. The association approved a policy saying these concerns do not justify the risks of surgery, which include possible nerve damage, complications from anesthesia. loss of the sense of taste and, very rarely, death.
“The few studies of long-term retention of impacted teeth have shown little risk of harm,” the association concluded.
So given what all agree is a lack of good evidence, how should consumers proceed when a dentist suggests removing healthy wisdom teeth?
IF EXTRACTION IS RECOMMENDED All surgery carries risks, and you should try to ensure that there is something to be gained from having your wisdom teeth removed. Ask what the reason is in your case. Is there a chance the wisdom teeth will grow in successfully? If you see a dentist on a regular basis, is watchful waiting an option?
If you have an infection or inflammation, ask about less-invasive treatment.
The general consensus among critics of routine extraction is that recurrent gum infection, or pericoronitis; irreparable tooth decay; an abscess; cysts; tumors; damage to nearby teeth and bone; or other pathological conditions justify the procedure.
IF YOU CHOOSE SURGERY Most dental plans cover at least some of the costs of extraction. If you don’t have dental insurance, pulling all four teeth may cost several thousand dollars.
Ask if you can have local anesthesia, which is considered safer than general anesthesia.
Follow postoperative instructions carefully. Avoid being very active or eating solid food for three to four days (instead try noodles and milkshakes). Keeping ice on the jaw may help with pain and swelling. Painkillers may be needed. Young patients tend to recover sooner than older patients.
IF YOU DECIDE AGAINST EXTRACTION Good dental hygiene will be even more important for you. The teeth in the back of the mouth are often harder to reach and clean well. Get frequent cleanings, and X-rays if necessary.
Smoking increases the risk of periodontal disease, as does diabetes. If you have cavities in your back molars, you may be at greater risk for problems with the wisdom teeth.
As for my daughter Emma, we have opted for watchful waiting. She went off to college last month, wisdom teeth and all.
Click green for further info
Source: NYT
________________________________________________
Study of Men’s Falling Income Cites Single Parents
Date: March, 2013
Click green for further info
WASHINGTON — The decline of two-parent households may be a significant reason for the divergent fortunes of male workers, whose earnings generally declined in recent decades, and female workers, whose earnings generally increased, a prominent labor economist argues in a new survey of existing research.
David H. Autor, a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, says that the difference between men and women, at least in part, may have roots in childhood. Only 63 percent of children lived in a household with two parents in 2010, down from 82 percent in 1970. The single parents raising the rest of those children are predominantly female. And there is growing evidence that sons raised by single mothers “appear to fare particularly poorly,” Professor Autor wrote in an analysis for Third Way, a center-left policy research organization.
In this telling, the economic struggles of male workers are both a cause and an effect of the breakdown of traditional households. Men who are less successful are less attractive as partners, so some women are choosing to raise children by themselves, in turn often producing sons who are less successful and attractive as partners.
“A vicious cycle may ensue,” wrote Professor Autor and his co-author, Melanie Wasserman, a graduate student, “with the poor economic prospects of less educated males creating differentially large disadvantages for their sons, thus potentially reinforcing the development of the gender gap in the next generation.”
The fall of men in the workplace is widely regarded by economists as one of the nation’s most important and puzzling trends. While men, on average, still earn more than women, the gap between them has narrowed considerably, particularly among more recent entrants to the labor force.
For all Americans, it has become much harder to make a living without a college degree, for intertwined reasons including foreign competition, advancements in technology and the decline of unions. Over the same period, the earnings of college graduates have increased. Women have responded exactly as economists would have predicted, by going to college in record numbers. Men, mysteriously, have not.
Among people who were 35 years old in 2010, for example, women were 17 percent more likely to have attended college, and 23 percent more likely to hold an undergraduate degree.
“I think the greatest, most astonishing fact that I am aware of in social science right now is that women have been able to hear the labor market screaming out ‘You need more education’ and have been able to respond to that, and men have not,” said Michael Greenstone, an M.I.T. economics professor who was not involved in Professor Autor’s work. “And it’s very, very scary for economists because people should be responding to price signals. And men are not. It’s a fact in need of an explanation.”
Most economists agree that men have suffered disproportionately from economic changes like the decline of manufacturing. But careful analyses have found that such changes explain only a small part of the shrinking wage gap.
One set of supplemental explanations holds that women are easier to educate or, as the journalist Hanna Rosin wrote in “The End of Men,” because women are more adaptable. Professor Autor writes that such explanations are plausible and “intriguing,” but as yet unproven.
He disagrees entirely with the view of the conservative analyst Charles Murray, in “Coming Apart,” that men have become “less industrious.”
“We’re pretty much in agreement on most of the facts,” Professor Autor said of Mr. Murray. “But he looks at the same facts and says this is all due to the failure of government programs, eroding the commitment to working. And we’re saying, what seems much more plausible here is that the working world just has less and less use for these folks.”
Professor Autor’s own explanation builds on existing research showing that income inequality has soared, stretching the gap between rich and poor, and that a smaller share of Americans are making the climb. The children of lower-income parents are ever more likely to become, in turn, the parents of lower-income children.
Moreover, a growing share of lower-income children are raised by their mother but not their father, and research shows that those children are at a particular disadvantage.
Professor Autor said in an interview that he was intrigued by evidence suggesting the consequences were larger for boys than girls, including one study finding that single mothers spent an hour less per week with their sons than with their daughters. Another study of households where the father had less education, or was absent entirely, found the female children were 10 to 14 percent more likely to complete college. A third study of single-parent homes found boys were less likely than girls to enroll in college.
“It’s very clear that kids from single-parent households fare worse in terms of years of education,” he said. “The gender difference, the idea that boys do even worse again, is less clear cut. We’re pointing this out as an important hypothesis that needs further exploration. But there’s intriguing evidence in that direction.”
Conservatives have long argued that society should encourage stable parental relationships. A recent report by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia concluded that promoting marriage is the best way “to make family life more stable for children whose parents don’t enjoy the benefit of a college education.”
Liberals have tended to argue that the government should focus instead on improving economic opportunities. Jonathan Cowan, the president of Third Way, said the paper underscored that addressing social problems was a means to improve economic opportunities.
“If Democrats have as their goal being the party of the middle class, they have to come to the realization that they’re not going to be able to get there solely through their standard explanations,” said Mr. Cowan, a veteran of the Clinton administration. “We need to ask, ‘How can we get these fathers back involved in their children’s lives?’ ”
But some experts cautioned that Professor Autor’s theory did not necessarily imply that such children would benefit from the presence of their fathers.
“Single-parent families tend to emerge in places where the men already are a mess,” said Christopher Jencks, a professor of social policy at Harvard University. “You have to ask yourself, ‘Suppose the available men were getting married to the available women? Would that be an improvement?’ ”
Instead of making marriage more attractive, he said, it might be better for society to help make men more attractive.
Click green for further info
_____________________________________________
Prenuptial & Postnuptial Agreements
Avoid separation & divorce -
When you got married in a traditional manner, in most cases the best solution is to heal the marriage and NOT getting divorced. See above in this tab the 12 life-destroying disasters your children will face & what the couple will face.
Save your marriage contact STAF, Inc. for HOW-to - STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restorers™ will save your marriage.
____________________
First some legal issues:
Wife of Millionaire Wins"Unprecedented"
Case to Overturn Prenup Agreement
A Long Island, NY, mother of three has become a postnuptial hero, after a prenup nearly cost her everything.
In a landmark*) case, Elizabeth Cioffi-Petrakis, 39, won an appeal overturning a bizarre premarital agreement with her millionaire husband. Now she says she may be entitled to half of her ex’s worth when their divorce becomes final.
The win, say matrimonial law experts, is huge.
*) Lists of landmark court decisions - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lists_of_landmark_court_decisions
Landmark court decisions establish new precedents that establish a .... 'Landmark case' is usually used in England and Wales, instead of 'leading case'.
Landmark decisions in Australia - Landmark decisions in
Read article -click:
What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Divorced
“This is unprecedented in the family law world,” celebrity divorce lawyer Vikki Ziegler told. “This is a landmark decision that will likely be litigated a great deal in the future in similar cases for those who feel their prenups are unconscionable.”
So how did it happen?
“I won it because I pretty much did it myself,” Cioffi-Petrakis told Yahoo! Shine. “I had three prior attorneys who messed up my case big-time. And I was pretty much dead in the water until I got educated.”
Click Why You Should Say "I Do" to a Prenup - If the link has expired search the web with the title
To win the case, Cioffi-Petrakis had to prove in a Long Island court that her husband, commercial property developer Peter Petrakis, coerced her into signing the prenup. She claims he dropped the premarital bomb four days before their wedding day in 1998, leaving her with little time for a contractual dispute. She also told the court the agreement included promises her ex never intended to keep. Among those promises, she said, was that he would add her name to the deed of their Old Brookville home, and that he would destroy the prenup after the birth of their first child.
“He claimed he was just protecting his business, and that his lawyers made him have a prenup,” Cioffi-Petrakis said. “And me, a naïve young girl, I believed it.” She added that she’d been with Petrakis since she was 18 years old—six years before they were married—and that she was so committed that she’d converted from Catholicism to his religion of Greek Orthodox.
“I loved him, I trusted him and I believed in his word,” she explained.
But when he did not put the house in her name, and when she first gave birth 12 years ago to twin boys (and then later to a daughter, now 8), the two began what would be come a years-long journey in and out of lawyers’ offices to contest the prenuptial agreement.
Then finally, in January, a judge ruled in Cioffi-Petrakis’s favor, finding that she had successfully proven what is called “fraud by the inducement” in a contract. *) To do that, Cioffi-Petrakis explained, she presented the court with “patterns of behavior” to show that Petrakis “was not honest when he made the promises.” *) Fraud in the inducement occurs when a party is induced to enter into a release by the other party's false representations. To avoid mistakes, study examples and advice on the internet
Ziegler, author of “The Pre-Marital Planner,” further explained the court’s decision. “Many couples discuss the terms of their prenups and say they will do or say things in the future that are not memorialized in writing,” she said. “However, this fraudulent inducement to buy a house, put the marital home in joint name and make other financial incentives after the parties wed appeared to sway the appellate panel who agreed to set aside the prenuptial agreement based on fraud.”
Petrakis did not return a message left for him at one of his businesses, the One Stop Smoke Shop in Seaford, Long Island. His lavish Old Brookville home was featured in a 2010 (click: New York Times story, “Over-the-Top Houses,” described as a “newly renovated shingle and stone farm ranch on 2.29 acres,” and equipped with a “lower-level nightclub” featuring a 24-foot onyx bar, 1,200-bottle wine cellar and a DJ booth. His chain of smoke shops, according to the
New York Post, is worth “at least $5 million.”
Cioffi-Petrakis told Shine that she (with much help from her parents) shelled out nearly $475,000 in lawyers’ fees over the years, and that her husband has paid more than $600,000. “And we haven’t even gotten to the divorce,” she said. Despite the fact that the couple have been estranged since 2010 when Petrakis first filed for divorce, the proceedings were put on hold by the court until the the prenup matter could be settled. Now the two will be able to move ahead to make their split official.
The pressure of the case pushed her to extremes. “I almost took my own life because of the depression and stresses,” she said. “I wound up in the hospital with a nervous breakdown.”
A positive outcome of the ordeal, though, has been Ms. Cioffi-Petrakis starting her own business,
Divorce Prep Experts,
a divorce-court advisement service, which has been slowly getting off the ground since 2008.
“I’m not a lawyer, but I think I have advocated for myself better than any lawyer has,” she said. “My mission is to empower and protect anyone in this position. I know what to look out for, and I bring reputable professionals together to help.” Her company, she said, offers her clients invaluable advice and knowledge from judges, mediators, divorce coaches and child psychologists, in the hopes of saving time and money through the divorce process.
“Divorce Prep Experts can save lives,” she said.
________________________________
Avoid separation & divorce -
When you got married in a traditional manner, in most cases the best solution is to heal the marriage and NOT getting divorced. See above in this tab the 12 life-destroying disasters your children will face & what the couple will face.
Save your marriage contact STAF, Inc. for HOW-to - STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restorers™ will save your marriage.
____________________
First some legal issues:
- Free Prenuptial AgreementPrenup Agreement Form. All States. Print, Save, Download! 100% Free.
PrenupAgreement.RocketLawyer.com - Free Prenuptial Agreement Free same-sex marriage prenuptial agreement form online
www.lawdepot.com Postnuptial agreement - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Click: Postnuptial agreement - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postnuptial_agreement
A postnuptial agreement is a written contract executed after a couple gets married, or have entered a civil union, to settle the couple's affairs and assets in the ...
Legal recognition and ... - In the United States - United Kingdom - Notable examples
A postnuptial agreement is a written contract executed after a couple gets married, or have entered a civil union, to settle the couple's affairs and assets in the ...
Legal recognition and ... - In the United States - United Kingdom - Notable examples
Wife of Millionaire Wins"Unprecedented"
Case to Overturn Prenup Agreement
A Long Island, NY, mother of three has become a postnuptial hero, after a prenup nearly cost her everything.
In a landmark*) case, Elizabeth Cioffi-Petrakis, 39, won an appeal overturning a bizarre premarital agreement with her millionaire husband. Now she says she may be entitled to half of her ex’s worth when their divorce becomes final.
The win, say matrimonial law experts, is huge.
*) Lists of landmark court decisions - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lists_of_landmark_court_decisions
Landmark court decisions establish new precedents that establish a .... 'Landmark case' is usually used in England and Wales, instead of 'leading case'.
Landmark decisions in Australia - Landmark decisions in
Read article -click:
What I Wish I Knew Before I Got Divorced
“This is unprecedented in the family law world,” celebrity divorce lawyer Vikki Ziegler told. “This is a landmark decision that will likely be litigated a great deal in the future in similar cases for those who feel their prenups are unconscionable.”
So how did it happen?
“I won it because I pretty much did it myself,” Cioffi-Petrakis told Yahoo! Shine. “I had three prior attorneys who messed up my case big-time. And I was pretty much dead in the water until I got educated.”
Click Why You Should Say "I Do" to a Prenup - If the link has expired search the web with the title
To win the case, Cioffi-Petrakis had to prove in a Long Island court that her husband, commercial property developer Peter Petrakis, coerced her into signing the prenup. She claims he dropped the premarital bomb four days before their wedding day in 1998, leaving her with little time for a contractual dispute. She also told the court the agreement included promises her ex never intended to keep. Among those promises, she said, was that he would add her name to the deed of their Old Brookville home, and that he would destroy the prenup after the birth of their first child.
“He claimed he was just protecting his business, and that his lawyers made him have a prenup,” Cioffi-Petrakis said. “And me, a naïve young girl, I believed it.” She added that she’d been with Petrakis since she was 18 years old—six years before they were married—and that she was so committed that she’d converted from Catholicism to his religion of Greek Orthodox.
“I loved him, I trusted him and I believed in his word,” she explained.
But when he did not put the house in her name, and when she first gave birth 12 years ago to twin boys (and then later to a daughter, now 8), the two began what would be come a years-long journey in and out of lawyers’ offices to contest the prenuptial agreement.
Then finally, in January, a judge ruled in Cioffi-Petrakis’s favor, finding that she had successfully proven what is called “fraud by the inducement” in a contract. *) To do that, Cioffi-Petrakis explained, she presented the court with “patterns of behavior” to show that Petrakis “was not honest when he made the promises.” *) Fraud in the inducement occurs when a party is induced to enter into a release by the other party's false representations. To avoid mistakes, study examples and advice on the internet
Ziegler, author of “The Pre-Marital Planner,” further explained the court’s decision. “Many couples discuss the terms of their prenups and say they will do or say things in the future that are not memorialized in writing,” she said. “However, this fraudulent inducement to buy a house, put the marital home in joint name and make other financial incentives after the parties wed appeared to sway the appellate panel who agreed to set aside the prenuptial agreement based on fraud.”
Petrakis did not return a message left for him at one of his businesses, the One Stop Smoke Shop in Seaford, Long Island. His lavish Old Brookville home was featured in a 2010 (click: New York Times story, “Over-the-Top Houses,” described as a “newly renovated shingle and stone farm ranch on 2.29 acres,” and equipped with a “lower-level nightclub” featuring a 24-foot onyx bar, 1,200-bottle wine cellar and a DJ booth. His chain of smoke shops, according to the
New York Post, is worth “at least $5 million.”
Cioffi-Petrakis told Shine that she (with much help from her parents) shelled out nearly $475,000 in lawyers’ fees over the years, and that her husband has paid more than $600,000. “And we haven’t even gotten to the divorce,” she said. Despite the fact that the couple have been estranged since 2010 when Petrakis first filed for divorce, the proceedings were put on hold by the court until the the prenup matter could be settled. Now the two will be able to move ahead to make their split official.
The pressure of the case pushed her to extremes. “I almost took my own life because of the depression and stresses,” she said. “I wound up in the hospital with a nervous breakdown.”
A positive outcome of the ordeal, though, has been Ms. Cioffi-Petrakis starting her own business,
Divorce Prep Experts,
a divorce-court advisement service, which has been slowly getting off the ground since 2008.
“I’m not a lawyer, but I think I have advocated for myself better than any lawyer has,” she said. “My mission is to empower and protect anyone in this position. I know what to look out for, and I bring reputable professionals together to help.” Her company, she said, offers her clients invaluable advice and knowledge from judges, mediators, divorce coaches and child psychologists, in the hopes of saving time and money through the divorce process.
“Divorce Prep Experts can save lives,” she said.
________________________________
Although prenuptial agreements are often associated with celebrity couples
and their headline-generating divorces -- they're not just for boldface names
Any couple who brings personal or business assets to the marriage can benefit from a prenup. The most basic of these contracts lists an inventory of premarital assets that in the event of a divorce will remain the property of their original owner.
"Prenups are good because they preserve the expectations of the parties and prevent surprises in a divorce trial," says attorney Bob Nachshin, a partner in family law firm Nachshin & Langlois LLP in Los Angeles, and co-author of "I Do, You Do ... But Just Sign Here: A Quick and Easy Guide to Cohabitation, Prenuptial and Postnuptial Agreements." "In my 34 years of practice, I've never seen a prenuptial agreement that wasn't enforced by the court."
The agreements can also specify that future income from a business or additional assets accrued through inheritance are not to be shared with your spouse should the marriage end.
"You can basically do anything you want in a prenup, except you can't limit child support, and you can't limit child custody and visitation," says Nachshin.
Prenuptial agreements can address property acquired before a marriage, such as a home or Grandpop's antique desk, although some states recognize each spouse's rights to his or her premarital property anyway, according to attorney Brian Liu, chairman and co-founder of LegalZoom.com, an online law center.
"The problem people have is, after they get married, what's become yours has become co-mingled," Liu says. "People can't trace after 10 years of marriage what was theirs and what's joint property."
Other areas prenups can cover are the waiving of spousal support and death benefits.
"Even if you make a will and exclude your spouse, some courts will look unfavorably on that," Liu says. "If you have a prenuptial agreement, you can say, 'That was my intention to cut out the spouse.'"
Prenups are especially helpful for older couples and/or those who already have children, says Lynne Gold-Bikin, a family law attorney and former chair of the American Bar Association's family law section.
"Older couples may want to protect children from a prior marriage or protect the ability of the one with lesser assets to go into a nursing home and not give everything over," Gold-Bikin says.
People who have been married before are especially aware of the importance of taking these steps the second time around.
"A lot of times, prenuptial agreements have a bad connotation," Liu says. "I see them happening with people who may have been divorced once, and have children and significant assets, and want to make sure their children and family are protected if something happens."
States have different rules for prenups. California requires an agreement be signed at least seven days after it has been presented, that both parties have attorney representation and that all assets should be disclosed, Nachshin says.
Those requirements were added to the law after the state Supreme Court upheld baseball star Barry Bonds' prenuptial agreement, despite it being signed a day before his wedding and without his future wife having counsel, according to Nachshin, who represented Bonds.
Other circumstances to keep in mind are to never sign such an agreement after having a few drinks and to not present such an agreement when a woman is pregnant, because her medical condition could lead to it being overturned, Nachshin says.
"Remember to talk about it with your spouse way before you plan your wedding, and have it signed four months before you plan on getting married," Nachshin says. "Because otherwise, you're so focused on the prenup that you can't focus on the joy of marriage."
For couples who didn't enter into a prenuptial agreement, they always have the option of forging such a pact after they say their vows. Postnuptial agreements are largely the same as prenups, laying out which assets will remain individual property and which will be shared.
However, states may view postnups differently if they are challenged during a divorce. In California, for example, prenups are presumed to be legally valid, while postnups are presumed to be invalid -- meaning the burden of proof with the latter is on the spouse trying to have the terms enforced, Nachshin says.
Still, properly executed postnups should stand up to court scrutiny.
"I think if both parties have counsel, and there's been full disclosure, the postnup will be upheld," he says.
Prenuptial agreements are supposed to be based on fair and full disclosure of assets, but states vary in how they view this legal tenet, says Gold-Bikin.
The prenup "has to be considered fair at the time it's enforced," she says.
For example, a spouse may agree she won't take anything from a business that's worth $100 at the time she and her future husband sign the prenup. By the time the couple divorces, the husband has transformed the business into the next Google or sold it for a big profit.
Whether it was a "fair agreement" for the wife to not share in the business depends on the state, Gold-Bikin says.
There are other ways to keep assets separate that can work in conjunction with a prenup, or alone.
A revocable living trust can ensure that certain property or income is directed to someone other than your spouse, Liu says.
An even simpler tool is to retain separate bank accounts and keep real estate under your own names.
"Some people, when they get married, immediately change title to property so it's in both their names," Liu says. "The fact that you put the other spouse on the deed, (a judge) is going to assume you meant to give half of your interest to the spouse as a gift, and is going to consider that joint property."
What can gay couples do?
Same-sex couples living in states where their union lacks legal recognition can draw up a co-habitation agreement that resembles a prenup. Similar rules apply: Each partner should have his or her own attorney, disclose assets and not sign the pact under duress, Nachshin says.
With same-sex marriage legal in six states and the District of Columbia, this developing area of the law is made complicated by the fact that a vast majority of states don't allow such unions or recognize their legality.
"As more and more same-sex couples get married, they will experience the same thing as heterosexual couples -- they're going to get divorced," Gold-Bikin says. "The next time they get married, they will have prenuptial agreements."
More On Advice For Gay Couples:
Create a news alert for "smart spending"
________________
and their headline-generating divorces -- they're not just for boldface names
Any couple who brings personal or business assets to the marriage can benefit from a prenup. The most basic of these contracts lists an inventory of premarital assets that in the event of a divorce will remain the property of their original owner.
"Prenups are good because they preserve the expectations of the parties and prevent surprises in a divorce trial," says attorney Bob Nachshin, a partner in family law firm Nachshin & Langlois LLP in Los Angeles, and co-author of "I Do, You Do ... But Just Sign Here: A Quick and Easy Guide to Cohabitation, Prenuptial and Postnuptial Agreements." "In my 34 years of practice, I've never seen a prenuptial agreement that wasn't enforced by the court."
The agreements can also specify that future income from a business or additional assets accrued through inheritance are not to be shared with your spouse should the marriage end.
"You can basically do anything you want in a prenup, except you can't limit child support, and you can't limit child custody and visitation," says Nachshin.
Prenuptial agreements can address property acquired before a marriage, such as a home or Grandpop's antique desk, although some states recognize each spouse's rights to his or her premarital property anyway, according to attorney Brian Liu, chairman and co-founder of LegalZoom.com, an online law center.
"The problem people have is, after they get married, what's become yours has become co-mingled," Liu says. "People can't trace after 10 years of marriage what was theirs and what's joint property."
Other areas prenups can cover are the waiving of spousal support and death benefits.
"Even if you make a will and exclude your spouse, some courts will look unfavorably on that," Liu says. "If you have a prenuptial agreement, you can say, 'That was my intention to cut out the spouse.'"
Prenups are especially helpful for older couples and/or those who already have children, says Lynne Gold-Bikin, a family law attorney and former chair of the American Bar Association's family law section.
"Older couples may want to protect children from a prior marriage or protect the ability of the one with lesser assets to go into a nursing home and not give everything over," Gold-Bikin says.
People who have been married before are especially aware of the importance of taking these steps the second time around.
"A lot of times, prenuptial agreements have a bad connotation," Liu says. "I see them happening with people who may have been divorced once, and have children and significant assets, and want to make sure their children and family are protected if something happens."
States have different rules for prenups. California requires an agreement be signed at least seven days after it has been presented, that both parties have attorney representation and that all assets should be disclosed, Nachshin says.
Those requirements were added to the law after the state Supreme Court upheld baseball star Barry Bonds' prenuptial agreement, despite it being signed a day before his wedding and without his future wife having counsel, according to Nachshin, who represented Bonds.
Other circumstances to keep in mind are to never sign such an agreement after having a few drinks and to not present such an agreement when a woman is pregnant, because her medical condition could lead to it being overturned, Nachshin says.
"Remember to talk about it with your spouse way before you plan your wedding, and have it signed four months before you plan on getting married," Nachshin says. "Because otherwise, you're so focused on the prenup that you can't focus on the joy of marriage."
For couples who didn't enter into a prenuptial agreement, they always have the option of forging such a pact after they say their vows. Postnuptial agreements are largely the same as prenups, laying out which assets will remain individual property and which will be shared.
However, states may view postnups differently if they are challenged during a divorce. In California, for example, prenups are presumed to be legally valid, while postnups are presumed to be invalid -- meaning the burden of proof with the latter is on the spouse trying to have the terms enforced, Nachshin says.
Still, properly executed postnups should stand up to court scrutiny.
"I think if both parties have counsel, and there's been full disclosure, the postnup will be upheld," he says.
Prenuptial agreements are supposed to be based on fair and full disclosure of assets, but states vary in how they view this legal tenet, says Gold-Bikin.
The prenup "has to be considered fair at the time it's enforced," she says.
For example, a spouse may agree she won't take anything from a business that's worth $100 at the time she and her future husband sign the prenup. By the time the couple divorces, the husband has transformed the business into the next Google or sold it for a big profit.
Whether it was a "fair agreement" for the wife to not share in the business depends on the state, Gold-Bikin says.
There are other ways to keep assets separate that can work in conjunction with a prenup, or alone.
A revocable living trust can ensure that certain property or income is directed to someone other than your spouse, Liu says.
An even simpler tool is to retain separate bank accounts and keep real estate under your own names.
"Some people, when they get married, immediately change title to property so it's in both their names," Liu says. "The fact that you put the other spouse on the deed, (a judge) is going to assume you meant to give half of your interest to the spouse as a gift, and is going to consider that joint property."
What can gay couples do?
Same-sex couples living in states where their union lacks legal recognition can draw up a co-habitation agreement that resembles a prenup. Similar rules apply: Each partner should have his or her own attorney, disclose assets and not sign the pact under duress, Nachshin says.
With same-sex marriage legal in six states and the District of Columbia, this developing area of the law is made complicated by the fact that a vast majority of states don't allow such unions or recognize their legality.
"As more and more same-sex couples get married, they will experience the same thing as heterosexual couples -- they're going to get divorced," Gold-Bikin says. "The next time they get married, they will have prenuptial agreements."
More On Advice For Gay Couples:
Create a news alert for "smart spending"
________________
The Reasons Any Couple
Has Resentment Challenges
When disappointing emotions are swept under the rug,
a more toxic variety of negativity begins to fester: resentment
Definition for "resentment" = a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury
Definition for "indignant" = indignant = feeling, characterized by, or expressing strong displeasure at something considered unjust, offensive, insulting, or base: indignant remarks; an indignant expression on his face.
Origin: 1580–90; indignārī to deem unworthy, take offense
Notice: Even the healthiest marriages are NOT 100% free of conflict. At some point, virtually everyone feels wronged by a romantic partner. Those feelings aren't what throw a marriage off course - it's how couples handle them.
In the same way in anyone's life any challenge is not the real challenge, the challenge is how one handles the challenge.
When a challenge is actively handled, conquered & successfully overcome, a person can become stronger because to find a solution to a challenge takes effort. That effort makes a person stronger, wiser and finally happier.
The same principle is present in any relationship and in any marriage.
"While it may be frustrating that the toothpaste cap was left off, happy couples talk about these small things," he says. But when those emotions are swept under the rug, a more toxic variety of negativity begins to fester: resentment. Here, marriage experts share some of the most common reasons husbands resent their wives and how to (click: protect your relationship.
1. Not fighting fair.
Happy couples don't necessarily fight less, Dr. Navarra says; they just fight better, by "describing their own feelings and needs rather than labeling their partner as faulty." And the ball is probably in your court for that. Research shows that wives are more likely to bring up problems for discussion, while husbands are more likely to withdraw at the first sign of an argument. When this keeps happening, women tend to start conversations on a negative note, which only makes things worse. Instead of resorting to personal attacks-"You're such a slob!" "We're going to be late because of you!"-which lead to defensiveness, Dr. Navarra recommends sticking to "I-statements," such as "When (this happens), I feel (frustrated, angry). What I needed was..."
Related: Click: Discover 9 fights you should have with your husband.
2. Treating him like a child.
"A big issue I see in couples is a man resenting his partner because he feels she talks down to him," says Mary Kelleher, LMFT. This can leave him feeling "less-than," and nothing triggers resentment faster than inadequacy. So avoid threatening his independence-the way pressuring him to go for a promotion so he'll bring home more money may be perceived-suggests couples therapist Vagdevi Meunier, PsyD. "No one wants to feel 'managed' by a spouse," Dr. Meunier says
3. Involving other people in your marriage.
What you might think of as harmless complaining to friends and family can actually break your husband's trust. It threatens the safety of the "couple bubble" you've created together. "Men find this humiliating and hurtful," says Norene Gonsiewski, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), a couples' therapist at the Portland Relationship Center in Oregon. If you really need to vent, consider talking to a doctor or therapist to keep things confidential.
Related: Click: Check out 10 things husbands should never do.
4. Not showing appreciation for thing he does right.
"Men will never ask for it," Gonsiewski says, but regular doses of praise are important. "They need to hear that their wives are proud of them." Scott Haltzman, MD, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women, notes that men tend to be more action-oriented than women, which means they show affection in different ways. "He may empty the dishwasher as a way of saying he cares about you." Haltzman's suggestion: "Pay attention to what he does, and let him know you notice."
5. Withholding sex as punishment.
While women generally need emotional intimacy to make love, men express emotional intimacy through sex, says Marla Taviano, author of Is that All He Thinks About? When a wife turns down sex, in her husband's mind, "she's turning him down as a person," explains Taviano. Using sex as a bargaining chip to get your needs meet isn't negotiating-it's emotional blackmail, which can alienate him. "Withholding sex may make your partner feel less love from you and give you less love in return," says Dr. Haltzman.
6. Trying to change him/her
"Every person can change, but it's better to focus on our own changes, rather than our spouse's behaviors," says Anne Ziff, LMFT, author of Marrying Well. And yet, some women see marriage as a starting point for a "husband makeover." This isn't all bad-studies show that married men tend to eat healthier and have fewer problems with drugs and alcohol than single guys-but avoid creating a relationship in which your husband can't be himself. "When a man feels his home is not his castle, and he can't just be a guy-whether it's walking around in his boxers or letting out a burp-he'll feel like he's been put in a box where he has to act prim and proper all the time," Dr. Meunier says. Sometimes, it's smarter to let the little things slide.
7. Making important decisions without his input.
Research shows that (Click: money is a top source of disagreements among married couples, even those with bigger budgets. In a lot of ways, money equals power, and balancing power is important to harmonious relationships, Meunier says. Whether you're considering booking a vacation or buying a dishwasher, your partner deserves a say. The same goes for decisions that affect how you and your husband spend your time, such as inviting company over for dinner or signing up your kids for soccer. Although it may seem simpler to beg for forgiveness instead of getting him on board, unilateral decision making can drive you two apart.
8. Not giving him the chance to be the kind of dad he wants to be.
Mothers often parent differently than fathers, but not necessarily better. For instance, some studies show that parenting styles more common with dads, such as rough-and-tumble play, offer children unique developmental benefits. "Men's resentment grows as their children develop with gaps in their competency and independence, two attributes men rate highly," Gonsiewski says. "When a woman doesn't trust her husband to parent she sends a message that he's wrong and only she's right." Instead, "reinforce your husband for the positive contributions he makes to your children's lives," Dr. Haltzman recommends.
9. Acting jealous when he looks at other women.
Men are visual creatures, Dr. Meunier says, so it's not surprising that a typical heterosexual man would notice a good-looking woman. "Women who understand this and don't take it personally minimize unproductive fights about jealousy." When a wife overreacts to a situation, her husband will likely feel defensive, and eventually, resentful. Dr. Meunier's advice? "Chill out." Responding to a visual cue isn't cause for worry, she says-curious comments or behaviors, like dropping your hand to head across the room to talk to another woman, could signify a lack of commitment to you.
10. Expecting immediate forgiveness after you apologize.
Studies show that seeking and granting forgiveness greatly contributes to marital satisfaction and longevity. But beware of empty words. While apologizing manages conflict, Dr. Navarra says a simple "I'm sorry" often isn't enough. To truly earn her husband's forgiveness, a wife needs to show that she understands why her husband is upset. Dr. Haltzman recommends being specific about what you're apologizing for, accepting responsibility for what you did, acknowledging that you what you did was harmful and lastly, asking what you can do to make it up to him. "If you've gotten to the first three steps cleanly, most men will say 'forget about it' to the last question," Dr. Haltzman says.
______________________________________________________________
Has Resentment Challenges
When disappointing emotions are swept under the rug,
a more toxic variety of negativity begins to fester: resentment
Definition for "resentment" = a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury
Definition for "indignant" = indignant = feeling, characterized by, or expressing strong displeasure at something considered unjust, offensive, insulting, or base: indignant remarks; an indignant expression on his face.
Origin: 1580–90; indignārī to deem unworthy, take offense
Notice: Even the healthiest marriages are NOT 100% free of conflict. At some point, virtually everyone feels wronged by a romantic partner. Those feelings aren't what throw a marriage off course - it's how couples handle them.
In the same way in anyone's life any challenge is not the real challenge, the challenge is how one handles the challenge.
When a challenge is actively handled, conquered & successfully overcome, a person can become stronger because to find a solution to a challenge takes effort. That effort makes a person stronger, wiser and finally happier.
The same principle is present in any relationship and in any marriage.
"While it may be frustrating that the toothpaste cap was left off, happy couples talk about these small things," he says. But when those emotions are swept under the rug, a more toxic variety of negativity begins to fester: resentment. Here, marriage experts share some of the most common reasons husbands resent their wives and how to (click: protect your relationship.
1. Not fighting fair.
Happy couples don't necessarily fight less, Dr. Navarra says; they just fight better, by "describing their own feelings and needs rather than labeling their partner as faulty." And the ball is probably in your court for that. Research shows that wives are more likely to bring up problems for discussion, while husbands are more likely to withdraw at the first sign of an argument. When this keeps happening, women tend to start conversations on a negative note, which only makes things worse. Instead of resorting to personal attacks-"You're such a slob!" "We're going to be late because of you!"-which lead to defensiveness, Dr. Navarra recommends sticking to "I-statements," such as "When (this happens), I feel (frustrated, angry). What I needed was..."
Related: Click: Discover 9 fights you should have with your husband.
2. Treating him like a child.
"A big issue I see in couples is a man resenting his partner because he feels she talks down to him," says Mary Kelleher, LMFT. This can leave him feeling "less-than," and nothing triggers resentment faster than inadequacy. So avoid threatening his independence-the way pressuring him to go for a promotion so he'll bring home more money may be perceived-suggests couples therapist Vagdevi Meunier, PsyD. "No one wants to feel 'managed' by a spouse," Dr. Meunier says
3. Involving other people in your marriage.
What you might think of as harmless complaining to friends and family can actually break your husband's trust. It threatens the safety of the "couple bubble" you've created together. "Men find this humiliating and hurtful," says Norene Gonsiewski, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), a couples' therapist at the Portland Relationship Center in Oregon. If you really need to vent, consider talking to a doctor or therapist to keep things confidential.
Related: Click: Check out 10 things husbands should never do.
4. Not showing appreciation for thing he does right.
"Men will never ask for it," Gonsiewski says, but regular doses of praise are important. "They need to hear that their wives are proud of them." Scott Haltzman, MD, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women, notes that men tend to be more action-oriented than women, which means they show affection in different ways. "He may empty the dishwasher as a way of saying he cares about you." Haltzman's suggestion: "Pay attention to what he does, and let him know you notice."
5. Withholding sex as punishment.
While women generally need emotional intimacy to make love, men express emotional intimacy through sex, says Marla Taviano, author of Is that All He Thinks About? When a wife turns down sex, in her husband's mind, "she's turning him down as a person," explains Taviano. Using sex as a bargaining chip to get your needs meet isn't negotiating-it's emotional blackmail, which can alienate him. "Withholding sex may make your partner feel less love from you and give you less love in return," says Dr. Haltzman.
6. Trying to change him/her
"Every person can change, but it's better to focus on our own changes, rather than our spouse's behaviors," says Anne Ziff, LMFT, author of Marrying Well. And yet, some women see marriage as a starting point for a "husband makeover." This isn't all bad-studies show that married men tend to eat healthier and have fewer problems with drugs and alcohol than single guys-but avoid creating a relationship in which your husband can't be himself. "When a man feels his home is not his castle, and he can't just be a guy-whether it's walking around in his boxers or letting out a burp-he'll feel like he's been put in a box where he has to act prim and proper all the time," Dr. Meunier says. Sometimes, it's smarter to let the little things slide.
7. Making important decisions without his input.
Research shows that (Click: money is a top source of disagreements among married couples, even those with bigger budgets. In a lot of ways, money equals power, and balancing power is important to harmonious relationships, Meunier says. Whether you're considering booking a vacation or buying a dishwasher, your partner deserves a say. The same goes for decisions that affect how you and your husband spend your time, such as inviting company over for dinner or signing up your kids for soccer. Although it may seem simpler to beg for forgiveness instead of getting him on board, unilateral decision making can drive you two apart.
8. Not giving him the chance to be the kind of dad he wants to be.
Mothers often parent differently than fathers, but not necessarily better. For instance, some studies show that parenting styles more common with dads, such as rough-and-tumble play, offer children unique developmental benefits. "Men's resentment grows as their children develop with gaps in their competency and independence, two attributes men rate highly," Gonsiewski says. "When a woman doesn't trust her husband to parent she sends a message that he's wrong and only she's right." Instead, "reinforce your husband for the positive contributions he makes to your children's lives," Dr. Haltzman recommends.
9. Acting jealous when he looks at other women.
Men are visual creatures, Dr. Meunier says, so it's not surprising that a typical heterosexual man would notice a good-looking woman. "Women who understand this and don't take it personally minimize unproductive fights about jealousy." When a wife overreacts to a situation, her husband will likely feel defensive, and eventually, resentful. Dr. Meunier's advice? "Chill out." Responding to a visual cue isn't cause for worry, she says-curious comments or behaviors, like dropping your hand to head across the room to talk to another woman, could signify a lack of commitment to you.
10. Expecting immediate forgiveness after you apologize.
Studies show that seeking and granting forgiveness greatly contributes to marital satisfaction and longevity. But beware of empty words. While apologizing manages conflict, Dr. Navarra says a simple "I'm sorry" often isn't enough. To truly earn her husband's forgiveness, a wife needs to show that she understands why her husband is upset. Dr. Haltzman recommends being specific about what you're apologizing for, accepting responsibility for what you did, acknowledging that you what you did was harmful and lastly, asking what you can do to make it up to him. "If you've gotten to the first three steps cleanly, most men will say 'forget about it' to the last question," Dr. Haltzman says.
______________________________________________________________
Article 1 of 3
Yelling calling names, voice raising, any physical action
are a marriage/family/spouse/child destroyers
They lead to deep difficulties and lower every family member's life quality
They lead to a parental estrangement and to an unnecessary separation
and to an unnecessary divorce
A separation & a divorce cause serious mental, emotional, physical sicknesses and
a shorter life for both spouses and will ruin the children's life & future
See below the life-destroying 12 disasters your child/children will face in these negative situations
You & your spouse can avoid them. Below the instructions how
All the above listed actions are based on our human atavistic animal level feelings. Our limbic *) brains kick up first in a challenging situation - it is the 'run or fight'. During this time our human actions will be irrational and can be violent because the "danger" feeling drives a person to defend the imagined danger physically as the primary animal-like action to survive.
This condition will last about 30 min. until the later developed intellectual brain part kicks in and becomes dominating with reasonable, rational understanding . In that situation the brains tell to talk peacefully and avoid any devastating conflicting action.
HOW TO APPLY to prevent life-destroying disasters: (1) discuss this matter with your spouse, agree together NOT TO let any argument turn into burning hell flames. Agree together to always take these steps when 'heat is rising'. Agree and practice these actions to get it happening automatically in a real situation.
Best way to avoid: while arguing, hold hands (all 4 hands together), look at your spouse's/friend's eyes and say together "no raised voices, no negative name calling, no physical actions.
*) es·trangement n.
es·tranger n.
Synonyms: estrange, alienate, disaffect
These verbs refer to disruption of a bond of love, friendship, or loyalty. Estrange and alienate are often used with reference to two persons whose harmonious relationship has been replaced by hostility or indifference: Political disagreements led to quarrels that finally estranged the two friends. His persistent antagonism alienated his wife.
Disaffect usually implies discontent, ill will, and disloyalty within the membership of a group: Colonists were disaffected by the royal governor's actions.
Yelling calling names, voice raising, any physical action
are a marriage/family/spouse/child destroyers
They lead to deep difficulties and lower every family member's life quality
They lead to a parental estrangement and to an unnecessary separation
and to an unnecessary divorce
A separation & a divorce cause serious mental, emotional, physical sicknesses and
a shorter life for both spouses and will ruin the children's life & future
See below the life-destroying 12 disasters your child/children will face in these negative situations
You & your spouse can avoid them. Below the instructions how
All the above listed actions are based on our human atavistic animal level feelings. Our limbic *) brains kick up first in a challenging situation - it is the 'run or fight'. During this time our human actions will be irrational and can be violent because the "danger" feeling drives a person to defend the imagined danger physically as the primary animal-like action to survive.
This condition will last about 30 min. until the later developed intellectual brain part kicks in and becomes dominating with reasonable, rational understanding . In that situation the brains tell to talk peacefully and avoid any devastating conflicting action.
HOW TO APPLY to prevent life-destroying disasters: (1) discuss this matter with your spouse, agree together NOT TO let any argument turn into burning hell flames. Agree together to always take these steps when 'heat is rising'. Agree and practice these actions to get it happening automatically in a real situation.
Best way to avoid: while arguing, hold hands (all 4 hands together), look at your spouse's/friend's eyes and say together "no raised voices, no negative name calling, no physical actions.
*) es·trangement n.
es·tranger n.
Synonyms: estrange, alienate, disaffect
These verbs refer to disruption of a bond of love, friendship, or loyalty. Estrange and alienate are often used with reference to two persons whose harmonious relationship has been replaced by hostility or indifference: Political disagreements led to quarrels that finally estranged the two friends. His persistent antagonism alienated his wife.
Disaffect usually implies discontent, ill will, and disloyalty within the membership of a group: Colonists were disaffected by the royal governor's actions.
- Limbic system - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limbic_system
The limbic system (or paleomammalian brain) is a complex set of brain structures that lies on both sides of the thalamus, right under the cerebrum. It is not a ...
Etymology - Anatomy - Function - Evolution
Limbic System - Biology - About.com
biology.about.com › ... › Human Anatomy & Biology › Anatomy › Brain
The limbic system is responsible for controlling various functions in the body. Structures of this system include the hippocampus, hypothalamus, and thalamus.
The Limbic System
webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/limbicsystem.html
The limbic system is a complex set of structures that lies on both sides of the thalamus, just under the cerebrum. It includes the hypothalamus, the hippocampus, ...- Images for limbic system
- Brain Anatomy: Limbic System
its.sdsu.edu/multimedia/mathison/limbic/index.htm
The Limbic System is the area of the brain that regulates emotion and memory. It directly connects the lower and higher brain functions. It influences emotions ... SEE the 12 disasters just below ___________________________________________________________________________
Article 2 of 3
Study the info just above
A brief list of the disasters a parental separation or a divorce will cause
- more detailed information below in this tab
The divorcing spouses will experience
(1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties.
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here:
(1) overall increased risks to health & welfare; (2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researches: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
By all means: avoid any separation and never get divorced - a better choice for health & wealth and for your children's successful future is to heal your marriage - STAF, Inc. WILL guide and your family will have a new life.
__________________________________________________
Study the info just above
A brief list of the disasters a parental separation or a divorce will cause
- more detailed information below in this tab
The divorcing spouses will experience
(1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties.
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here:
(1) overall increased risks to health & welfare; (2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researches: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
By all means: avoid any separation and never get divorced - a better choice for health & wealth and for your children's successful future is to heal your marriage - STAF, Inc. WILL guide and your family will have a new life.
__________________________________________________
Article 3 of 3
Foreword
by Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., STAF, Inc.' founding President
This article below has and will appear on the internet as STAF, Inc.'s response to introduce some basic but important facts to the U.S. and worldwide internet visitors.
The text below is placed as a comment to any article STAF, Inc.'s editors see as suitable.
The purpose is to inspire the reader to search for additional information, to take deeper counseling in family/parental/marriage/sex (parental) to avoid disasters.
STAF, Inc. has counseling programs for all these topics (1) in a physical office and (2) worldwide with the modern technology via the internet in your own home or office for a couple or for a group.
STAF, Inc.'s private counseling services (10 topic-areas - listed in this website - send an email or call for further info) are guaranteed based on a one-time fee and backed with a lifetime result guarantee.
No one else anywhere dares giving a similar guarantee.
STAF, Inc. is the leading, new organization in all family & life success & nutrition & financial training.
__________________________
The Commenting Article
Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
There are different types of violence - public & domestic are the 2 main ones.
STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-, helps, with a long experience, families & individuals in any type of violence case.
When you go to any U.S. Court you will see impressive posters hanging on the walls asking: "Was he violent today?"
The poster message: "only men are violent, not women" - interesting. Where is the poster "Was she violent today?"This is clear illegal posting called discrimination and defaming half of the population and endangering our children's future. How?
In this comment STAF, Inc. points out some details about domestic violence - which is the widest area of any violence.
Forty-five (45) % of all domestic violence is done by women the man as the victim.
Some women (wives) have been so violent that they cut off the husband's genitals during his sleep.
55 % of domestic violence is done by men towards women. Small difference.
65 % of all domestic violence against the children is done by women - most of the time in a highly brutal manner.
So, where is the truthful poster when it is not on the Courts' walls? A truthful poster would be "Did you experience violence today?
Based on our nationwide polls most judges have no clue about the true facts. Then these individuals, the "judges", make decisions that most of time totally & unnecessarily destroy families and children. With lacking science facts the judges are actually doing the most damaging violence - see the facts below.
STAF, Inc. is educating, slowly but surely, all U.S. Family Court judges to understand the facts and not to base the decisions blindly on any attitudinal fiction - fiction which hurts our whole nation first destroying our children's physically & mentally healthy upbringing and then also destroying the future of both parents. A sad situation to the parents. A sad situation to the children.
The courts are meant to be fair - are they when any domestic violence case is started with the wrong wall poster attitude and finished with the wrong attitudes among our judges. Based on polls most people nationwide associate domestic violence only done towards women. So brainwashed is our nation. Then the court may order in a fast speed separation or a divorce and often, because the wrong attitudes are so deep rooted that not even the couple understands what the truth is. Every court, every judge should always order at least 6 - 12 months' healing time and proper counseling time 6 - 12 months given by competent counselors. It is a joke when in most courts no counseling is ordered. It is another joke when the courts order 1 or 2 times counseling. It has to be at least up to 50 times or more. Destroying the American families with wrong court actions affects greatly our economy and our quality of life. STAF, Inc. College level training with fully truthful science facts brings out the most competent counselors called Marriage Restorers™. The children are dramatized and suffer from suffer from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™. All teenage mass shooters have this symptom.
The life-destroying challenges all children & all divorcing spouses will experience are listed in STAF, Inc.'s website in tab "Services", sub-tab "Restoring Any Marriage™. Most people have no clue what a divorce does to the children - it is serious child abuse. Two reasons are leading to these disasters: (1) lacking education in the U.S. schools for marriage & child raising (most developed countries have it) and (2) lacking education for the court judges who have no clue what they hastily do instead of guiding the couple and the family to heal.
The divorcing spouses will experience (1) health challenges leading to a sicker & shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties. Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here: (1) overall increased risks to health & welfare; (2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researchers: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning (1) to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers and (2) to establish a fully new federal agency, Healthy Lifestyle & Family Success Agency, and to be named its first federal director. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a results-bringing manner.
To visit STAF, Inc.'s website use its Radio Show title "DrDrCanYouHelpMe" in the internet search. Listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Show - you'll get free CEU & College-University credits.
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc.'s founding President
Copyrights 2013 © STAF, Inc., New York, NY, USA
_________________________________________
Avoid separation & divorce
They bring more misery & are serious child abuse -see the list in this site (in several locations) what you & your children will face. Any dysfunctional marriage can be healed. Contact (1) STAF, Inc.'s internationally top-level Marriage Restorers (TM) or (2) start with your local marriage counselor. STAF, Inc. is the only one providing a unique lifetime result guarantee with a one-time fee only. No one anywhere dares giving a similar double-guarantee.
________________________________________________
We'll give you are new Life - Less suffering - More Life™
STAF, Inc. saves lives
_______________________
How to organize finances after divorce
Provided for educational purposes, only
By Steve Bucci • Bankrate.com
Q: Dear Debt Adviser,
My finances have suffered greatly since my divorce. My ex-husband stiffed me with a load of expenses that he helped create. Until we sell our house, I'm stuck with credit card bills of more than $15,000. I have a good job, $2,000 in savings, and I care for our 5-year-old daughter. How can I organize my finances after a divorce?
-- Marie
A: Dear Marie,
You are going through one of life's most stressful events. I know because I was there myself once. I can tell you that if you hold on to your sanity and your finances, better times are ahead. To get there, however, you need a plan.
I'm concerned that you have only $2,000 in savings and are spending a lot more than you earn. This makes you vulnerable to additional problems that may crop up, such as an unexpected large expense or a job interruption. So please be careful of your spending and start building an emergency savings account. You might also try to get a line of credit while your home is on the market if you have the equity. You don't have to use the line. It can just sit there in case of an emergency.
Normally I tell people to begin their planning by setting some goals. In your case, however, you should shoot for getting through the next six months to a year. When things settle down a bit, you can do some real goal-setting.
I want you to start by getting all your current expenses down on paper or on a spreadsheet and compare them to your income. Make sure to include the child support that your ex-husband has been ordered to pay for your daughter. Look closely at your paycheck deductions for additional income. Consider slowing down retirement contributions temporarily to maximize your take-home pay.
You can get help developing a spending plan by contacting a nonprofit credit counseling agency (search the internet to find a selection and to make an appointment). They'll help you for free. They may also be able to help with the $15,000 you owe on your credit cards if you're able to stop using them. A counseling agency can help handle your credit card debt under a debt management plan only if the accounts are closed. Most plans will allow you to keep one active credit card, however.
Should you discover during the counseling sessions that you do not have enough income to meet your obligations, your counselor will recommend options for handling the situation. You may be able to cut expenses enough to pay what you owe until you sell your home.
Once your house sells, set some short-, mid- and long-term goals. Once you've set some goals and made a budget, you'll be ready to see a financial planner and get on with building a new life for yourself and your daughter.
Link for further info
Ask the adviser - not STAF -the link goes to Bankrate.com website - STAF, Inc. does not in any way recommend their service - use their advice based on your own judgement. The link is provided as a help to start finding information in addtion to STAF, Inc.'s website material.
To ask a question of the Debt Adviser, go to the "Ask the Experts" page and select "Debt" as the topic. Read more Debt Adviser columns and more stories about debt management.
Legal:
STAF, Inc.'s website content is intended only to assist you with decisions. The content is broad in scope and does not consider your personal financial or any other situation. STAF, Inc. recommends that you seek the advice of advisers who are fully aware of your individual circumstances before making any final decisions or implementing any financial or other strategy.
Click green for further info
The Broken Marriage Syndrome™ destroys lives - even kills
See next below - 12 disasters your child(ren) face(s) if you get separated or divorced & what both spouses will face
________________________________________________
They bring more misery & are serious child abuse -see the list in this site (in several locations) what you & your children will face. Any dysfunctional marriage can be healed. Contact (1) STAF, Inc.'s internationally top-level Marriage Restorers (TM) or (2) start with your local marriage counselor. STAF, Inc. is the only one providing a unique lifetime result guarantee with a one-time fee only. No one anywhere dares giving a similar double-guarantee.
________________________________________________
We'll give you are new Life - Less suffering - More Life™
STAF, Inc. saves lives
_______________________
How to organize finances after divorce
Provided for educational purposes, only
By Steve Bucci • Bankrate.com
Q: Dear Debt Adviser,
My finances have suffered greatly since my divorce. My ex-husband stiffed me with a load of expenses that he helped create. Until we sell our house, I'm stuck with credit card bills of more than $15,000. I have a good job, $2,000 in savings, and I care for our 5-year-old daughter. How can I organize my finances after a divorce?
-- Marie
A: Dear Marie,
You are going through one of life's most stressful events. I know because I was there myself once. I can tell you that if you hold on to your sanity and your finances, better times are ahead. To get there, however, you need a plan.
I'm concerned that you have only $2,000 in savings and are spending a lot more than you earn. This makes you vulnerable to additional problems that may crop up, such as an unexpected large expense or a job interruption. So please be careful of your spending and start building an emergency savings account. You might also try to get a line of credit while your home is on the market if you have the equity. You don't have to use the line. It can just sit there in case of an emergency.
Normally I tell people to begin their planning by setting some goals. In your case, however, you should shoot for getting through the next six months to a year. When things settle down a bit, you can do some real goal-setting.
I want you to start by getting all your current expenses down on paper or on a spreadsheet and compare them to your income. Make sure to include the child support that your ex-husband has been ordered to pay for your daughter. Look closely at your paycheck deductions for additional income. Consider slowing down retirement contributions temporarily to maximize your take-home pay.
You can get help developing a spending plan by contacting a nonprofit credit counseling agency (search the internet to find a selection and to make an appointment). They'll help you for free. They may also be able to help with the $15,000 you owe on your credit cards if you're able to stop using them. A counseling agency can help handle your credit card debt under a debt management plan only if the accounts are closed. Most plans will allow you to keep one active credit card, however.
Should you discover during the counseling sessions that you do not have enough income to meet your obligations, your counselor will recommend options for handling the situation. You may be able to cut expenses enough to pay what you owe until you sell your home.
Once your house sells, set some short-, mid- and long-term goals. Once you've set some goals and made a budget, you'll be ready to see a financial planner and get on with building a new life for yourself and your daughter.
Link for further info
Ask the adviser - not STAF -the link goes to Bankrate.com website - STAF, Inc. does not in any way recommend their service - use their advice based on your own judgement. The link is provided as a help to start finding information in addtion to STAF, Inc.'s website material.
To ask a question of the Debt Adviser, go to the "Ask the Experts" page and select "Debt" as the topic. Read more Debt Adviser columns and more stories about debt management.
Legal:
STAF, Inc.'s website content is intended only to assist you with decisions. The content is broad in scope and does not consider your personal financial or any other situation. STAF, Inc. recommends that you seek the advice of advisers who are fully aware of your individual circumstances before making any final decisions or implementing any financial or other strategy.
Click green for further info
The Broken Marriage Syndrome™ destroys lives - even kills
See next below - 12 disasters your child(ren) face(s) if you get separated or divorced & what both spouses will face
________________________________________________
Study the info just above
A brief list of the disasters a parental separation or a divorce will cause
- more detailed information above & below in this tab -
The divorcing spouses will experience
(1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties.
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here:
(1) overall increased risks to health & welfare; (2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researches: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
By all means: avoid any separation and never get divorced - a better choice for health & wealth and for your children's successful future is to heal your marriage. Any traditionally done marriage turned dysfunctional can be healed - we at STAF, Inc. know how. With STAF, Inc.'s guidance your family will have a new life.
Do you really want to destroy your own health & future & destroy your children's lives & full potential?
The Broken Marriage Syndrome™ destroys lives - even kills
__________________________________________________
STAF, Inc.'s mission for your family's best:
Less suffering - more life™
____
STAF, Inc. save lives
__________________________________________
A brief list of the disasters a parental separation or a divorce will cause
- more detailed information above & below in this tab -
The divorcing spouses will experience
(1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties.
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here:
(1) overall increased risks to health & welfare; (2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researches: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
By all means: avoid any separation and never get divorced - a better choice for health & wealth and for your children's successful future is to heal your marriage. Any traditionally done marriage turned dysfunctional can be healed - we at STAF, Inc. know how. With STAF, Inc.'s guidance your family will have a new life.
Do you really want to destroy your own health & future & destroy your children's lives & full potential?
The Broken Marriage Syndrome™ destroys lives - even kills
__________________________________________________
STAF, Inc.'s mission for your family's best:
Less suffering - more life™
____
STAF, Inc. save lives
__________________________________________
What do you think about the case in this article?
Va. pastor: God's law reigns in same-sex dispute
International parental kidnapping
Two months after Lisa Miller and her daughter Isabella fled to Nicaragua, a Vermont family court judge transferred custody of the girl to Jenkins.
BURLINGTON, Vt. (AP) — A Virginia Mennonite pastor facing up to three years in prison says he is being judged because of his faith and conscience for helping a woman and her daughter flee the country rather than share custody of the child with her former lesbian partner.
Western society is seeking to re-engineer and redefine marriage, family and parenthood, Kenneth Miller, of Stuarts Draft, Va., said in a four-page letter to the federal court judge who will sentence him Monday. He said that's why he helped Lisa Miller and daughter Isabella flee the country in 2009 after the woman went to him begging for help.
"If it is true that my actions flow out of my faith in Jesus, and from my deeply held moral believes — and I sincerely think they do — then it must follow that whatever judgment is being brought against me by the United States of America, is judgment on my faith and conscience and deeply help moral beliefs," he wrote.
"I was faced with a woman in distress who needed help to protect her daughter from what seemed to be an inhumane court decree," Miller said, writing from the jail where he has been held for refusing to tell a grand jury about other people involved in the case.
Kenneth Miller, 47, was convicted last summer on a charge of aiding in international parental kidnapping.
During the four-day trial, prosecutors laid out how he arranged for Lisa Miller and Isabella to be taken by car from Virginia to Buffalo, N.Y., where they crossed into Canada and were met by an Ontario Mennonite who took them to the airport in Toronto. From there, they flew to Mexico and on to Nicaragua, where they are still believed to be in hiding.
The Millers are not related.
Lisa Miller and Janet Jenkins were joined in a Vermont civil union in 2000 and Isabella was born to Lisa in 2002. The couple split in 2003. The Vermont family court gave custody of Isabella to Lisa Miller and gave Jenkins regular visitation.
Lisa Miller then returned to Virginia, became a conservative Christian, renounced homosexuality and sought full custody of the girl. She stopped following court-ordered visitation schedules. Two months after Lisa Miller and Isabella fled to Nicaragua, a Vermont family court judge transferred custody of the girl to Jenkins.
Jenkins' attorney, Sarah Star, said Jenkins would not be in court.
Prosecutors have asked Judge William Sessions III to sentence Kenneth Miller to 2½ to three years in prison, the maximum. His attorneys counter he should not be jailed because he had no previous criminal record and has been an upstanding member of his community. They have asked that the sentence be delayed until an appeal can be heard.
In his letter to Sessions, Kenneth Miller explained why he helped Lisa Miller and why he refused to testify before the grand jury.
"After more than three weeks of incarceration ... I find my faith and conscience and moral convictions considerably strengthened," he said. "My position remains the same. I am unable for reasons of faith and conscience ... to answer certain questions before the federal grand jury. I take no delight in burdening the court, but find myself compelled to this position by my deeply held religious beliefs."
___________________________________________
Va. pastor: God's law reigns in same-sex dispute
International parental kidnapping
Two months after Lisa Miller and her daughter Isabella fled to Nicaragua, a Vermont family court judge transferred custody of the girl to Jenkins.
BURLINGTON, Vt. (AP) — A Virginia Mennonite pastor facing up to three years in prison says he is being judged because of his faith and conscience for helping a woman and her daughter flee the country rather than share custody of the child with her former lesbian partner.
Western society is seeking to re-engineer and redefine marriage, family and parenthood, Kenneth Miller, of Stuarts Draft, Va., said in a four-page letter to the federal court judge who will sentence him Monday. He said that's why he helped Lisa Miller and daughter Isabella flee the country in 2009 after the woman went to him begging for help.
"If it is true that my actions flow out of my faith in Jesus, and from my deeply held moral believes — and I sincerely think they do — then it must follow that whatever judgment is being brought against me by the United States of America, is judgment on my faith and conscience and deeply help moral beliefs," he wrote.
"I was faced with a woman in distress who needed help to protect her daughter from what seemed to be an inhumane court decree," Miller said, writing from the jail where he has been held for refusing to tell a grand jury about other people involved in the case.
Kenneth Miller, 47, was convicted last summer on a charge of aiding in international parental kidnapping.
During the four-day trial, prosecutors laid out how he arranged for Lisa Miller and Isabella to be taken by car from Virginia to Buffalo, N.Y., where they crossed into Canada and were met by an Ontario Mennonite who took them to the airport in Toronto. From there, they flew to Mexico and on to Nicaragua, where they are still believed to be in hiding.
The Millers are not related.
Lisa Miller and Janet Jenkins were joined in a Vermont civil union in 2000 and Isabella was born to Lisa in 2002. The couple split in 2003. The Vermont family court gave custody of Isabella to Lisa Miller and gave Jenkins regular visitation.
Lisa Miller then returned to Virginia, became a conservative Christian, renounced homosexuality and sought full custody of the girl. She stopped following court-ordered visitation schedules. Two months after Lisa Miller and Isabella fled to Nicaragua, a Vermont family court judge transferred custody of the girl to Jenkins.
Jenkins' attorney, Sarah Star, said Jenkins would not be in court.
Prosecutors have asked Judge William Sessions III to sentence Kenneth Miller to 2½ to three years in prison, the maximum. His attorneys counter he should not be jailed because he had no previous criminal record and has been an upstanding member of his community. They have asked that the sentence be delayed until an appeal can be heard.
In his letter to Sessions, Kenneth Miller explained why he helped Lisa Miller and why he refused to testify before the grand jury.
"After more than three weeks of incarceration ... I find my faith and conscience and moral convictions considerably strengthened," he said. "My position remains the same. I am unable for reasons of faith and conscience ... to answer certain questions before the federal grand jury. I take no delight in burdening the court, but find myself compelled to this position by my deeply held religious beliefs."
___________________________________________
For Parents-to-Be, a Few Financial and Legal Tips
Click green for further info
Once you hold your new baby in your arms for the first time, the last thing on your mind is all of the money-related tasks and decisions you have to make.
Handling this while you’re bleary-eyed is guaranteed to lead to less-than-optimal choices. As a new mother myself, I did my best to prepare ahead of time. But nearly seven months later, even this personal finance reporter hasn’t managed to fully organize her financial and legal affairs.
What I have done is create a series of to-do lists, one for before and after the baby arrived, which has certainly helped my family maintain some sense of order. So sometime after you start considering baby names, but well before you start to assemble a crib and decorate a nursery, try to check off as many of these as possible. (And if there’s anything you’d like to add to the list, please let us know on the Bucks personal finance blog.)
Before the Baby
AUTOMATE SAVINGS Once you’ve figured out your company’s parental leave policy, start thinking about how much time you want to take off and how you’ll pay for it. A substantial chunk of my maternity leave was unpaid so while I was pregnant, I started automatically shuttling money into subaccounts that I called “baby leave” and “day care.” (Capital One 360, formerly ING Direct, allows you to set this up in a snap.) Even though I was only redirecting money from one account to another, this gave me some sense of control over the big expenses lurking around the corner. I also wanted to get a few months ahead of the game with day care so that I would have money set aside when that big expense kicked in.
BUY LIFE INSURANCE Term insurance, which pays a specific sum if you die within a certain term, like the next 20 years, is usually the cheapest and most efficient avenue. Several financial planners suggested that women apply for coverage even before becoming pregnant, or at least early in pregnancy, to avoid potential issues later. “Pregnancies can sometimes be complicated by things like gestational diabetes, et cetera,” said Byron Udell, president of AccuQuote, an online insurance brokerage. “The insurance companies sometimes, but not always, postpone decisions to cover them during their third trimester, especially if there are any issues.”
How much insurance you need is a personal calculation, but even a stay-at-home parent should have some. Parents also need to ask themselves a variety of questions, including how much income they will need to replace. Buy the insurance outside of your employer so you can take it with you wherever you may go, the experts said.
DISABILITY INSURANCE This insurance, which pays a portion of your salary for a period of time if you become disabled, doesn’t tend to rank high on the priority list, but financial planners suggest considering it. Group policies offered through your employer typically pay about 60 percent of your current paycheck, some advisers said. “First look at what is available through your employer,” said Clarissa R. Hobson, a financial planner in Colorado Springs, Colo., who acknowledged that the coverage wasn’t cheap. “Some coverage is better than none.”
CHOOSE A HEALTH PLAN Ideally, you want to think about this before you’re expecting so you can choose the plan with the best maternity coverage. And be sure to inquire whether there are any out-of-pocket costs to avoid surprises later. You generally have about 30 days to add the baby to the plan after the birth — precisely the time you’ll be the most sleep-deprived. So think about how to best optimize family coverage ahead of time. How much more will it cost to cover a new child? Is it more cost-effective to put the baby on the mother’s or father’s plan?
SUSPEND FLEXIBLE SPENDING New mothers going on leave may need to turn off contributions to flexible spending accounts if there is no longer a paycheck to deduct from. The same goes for commuter cards. Speak with your human resources department about spending deadlines, particularly on flexible spending. My human resources department told me that claims must be made while the account is active. Once you’re back at work, you can flip the active switch back on, even outside the open enrollment period, because it’s considered a status change.
After the Birth
EMERGENCY SAVINGS, THEN 529S You should have an emergency cash cushion in place (about six months of living expenses) before even thinking about a 529 college savings plan, several planners said. Still, you really can’t open one of these state-sponsored accounts soon enough. Its mere existence means you’ll be more likely to deposit found money like cash baby gifts or income tax refunds.
Here’s a quick 529 primer: as long as you use the money for higher education, you don’t have to pay tax on capital gains. Thirty-three states plus the District of Columbia offer income tax deductions on the 529 plan (as long as your plan is sponsored by the state or territory where you file a tax return), and withdrawals are tax-free. It’s best to open the account with the parent as the account owner and the child as a beneficiary, as soon as you get your baby’s Social Security number.
TAX DECISIONS Even babies born on the last day of the year provide their parents with a nice tax bonus: in 2013, a child will reduce your taxable income by $3,900.
But while that exemption is available to all taxpayers, you may need to choose one of two tax breaks if you plan on working and paying for child care. If your employer offers a flexible spending account for dependent care, you can set aside up to $5,000 to pay for day care or a nanny; it’s excluded from your income. The child care credit is a credit (meaning if you owe taxes, you will be credited dollar for dollar) for up to 35 percent of child care expenses up to $3,000 for one child, or $6,000 for two children. (The percentage drops to 20 percent from 35 percent as adjusted gross income rises to $43,000 from $15,000). “If you have both available, the flexible spending account tends to be better, especially for higher incomes,” said Mark Luscombe, principal analyst at CCH, a tax and accounting information service.
In fact, to avoid withholding too much income from your paycheck for taxes, you and your spouse should think about revising your W-4 form with your employer.
THINK ABOUT GUARDIANS Picking a guardian to care for your child should something happen to you or your partner is the last thing you want to think about when welcoming a new baby, and that’s why many parents procrastinate in writing a will. “I have had clients come to me to have a will prepared after their child turns 18 because they could not decide on a guardian,” said Nancy Bender-Kelner, an estate planning lawyer in Minnetonka, Minn., and a mother of four.
One option is to create a temporary arrangement. “You might choose your parents now and then change it as your parents age,” said Ms. Hobson, the Colorado financial planner, who is also a new mother.
And remember that there’s no rule that says the guardian must be the same person who oversees the child’s financial affairs. In fact, some parents prefer to name a couple of people with different strengths, which can serve as a system of checks and balances — the loving uncle may serve as guardian, while the finance-savvy aunt handles the money. Once you decide, be sure to speak with these people about their role.
THE ESTATE PLAN Depending on whom you ask, you need to create either a will or a revocable trust to serve as the main document to execute both your and your spouse’s wishes in the event of your untimely deaths. Some experts suggest the path of least resistance. Just write a basic will, which should contain what’s known as a testamentary trust, or a trust created for the benefit of the child and that usually goes into effect only if both parents die, said Ms. Bender-Kelner. (But if you have family assets you want to pass directly to the child, instead of a partner or spouse, the trust could be used in that situation, too). Having some sort of trust in place is important; if you don’t, and a minor child is named a contingent beneficiary on a retirement account, for instance, the financial institution will not pay the funds directly to the child, but instead will ask the courts to establish a conservatorship to oversee the child’s finances. (It also means the child would be able to receive all inherited money at age 18, which may not be desired.) That can be a long, burdensome process and is best avoided, experts said.
Creating a will is certainly the simpler and less expensive route. But some lawyers still call a revocable trust the gold standard. One of its main advantages is avoiding probate, or the court-supervised process to settle a deceased person’s estate. But it also streamlines everything: all of your assets are put into the trust during your life. They remain in your control and can be changed at any time. After you die, a trustee that you name distributes the assets according to your instructions, all while avoiding probate.
“You shouldn’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good,” said Robert B. Fleming, an estate planning and elder law lawyer in Tucson. “Better to create a will with a testamentary trust than not to have done anything.”
BENEFICIARIES Once you’ve drafted your estate plan, you need to make sure that all of your beneficiary designations — on your retirement, life insurance and other accounts — coordinate with what is laid out in the will.
REMEMBER DATE NIGHT When the baby arrives, changing just about everything, it can be difficult to remember what it was like when it was just the two of you. So do what you can to stay connected and keep your partnership strong, particularly at what is the happiest and most stressful time of your lives. “Make at least a monthly date night a nonnegotiable part of your spending plan,” said Kristin Harad, a financial planner in San Francisco whose firm, VitaVie Financial, focuses on new parents.
Click Green for further info
Source: NYT
_____________________________________________________
Important info for pregnancy & beyond
Exposure to lead causes
developmental difficulties
Autism symptoms
correspond to the level of toxic metal in the blood,
with exposure to lead particularly harmful, according to a US study
causing brain damage to lose IQ points & causing a disposition toward violence
Article 1 of 2
Autism sufferers carried 74% more lead in their systems than control subjects, and 115% more tin. Sufferers with more severe symptoms carried higher concentrations of metal, with researchers at Arizona State University finding that toxic metal was the “strongest factor” in determining severity.
“We knew that exposure to lead makes people lose IQ points, and clearly it can induce autism”, lead researcher Professor James Adams told Metro. “The study also showed that people with the highest levels are least able to excrete them”.
Autism was previously thought be largely a hereditary condition but environmental and chemical reasons are now being accepted. “Studies such as this improve our understanding”, said Caroline Hattersley, head of information and advice at the UK-based National Autism Society, calling for “more research…across a greater geographical area.”
It is the latest lead concern, after the reported research in January 2013 that revealed exposure could induce aggression, violence and brain damage. “Anything to do with the nervous system will be badly affected, we’re only starting to see the full damage”, Professor Howard Mielke, who studied the toxin’s effects in 14 countries, told.
“There are huge repercussions for learning ability from just a small change in exposure.”
Lead remains widespread across the world, most commonly in soil and paint. But neither government nor the petrol companies that produced leaded gasoline have taken action to clear it, with the Ethyl Corporation suing environmental groups that attempted to hold it responsible.
In civil courts, hundreds of millions of dollars have been recovered by the victims of lead poisoning, and is a rapidly growing area for compensation claims. The largest award to date is the $320 million paid out to victims of exposure at a St. Louis smelting plant in 2011.
Article 2 of 2
Lead poisoning remains a major health hazard for America's children
Excerpted fron U.S. News & World Report, Dec. 20, 1999
When Karen and Bob Brantley found the lovely old Baltimore County, Md., farmhouse for rent in 1992, it seemed like a dream come true. The 25-acre property had woods, a pond nearby, and room for a dog and their kids, Tommy, Kaitey, and Bobby, who was born shortly after they moved in.
Christian, their fourth child, came along in 1996. He was a calm and happy kid at first. But last year, when Christian was about 18 months.. Testing revealed that his blood lead level was 19 micrograms per deciliter, nearly twice the level at which a child is considered at risk.
Karen Brantley was shocked. "I'm a stay at-home mom," she says. "I watch my children." Like many middle-class parents, the Brantleys did not know that lead poisoning remains the most significant environmental health hazard for U.S. children. An estimated 1.7 million children are already affected by lead from old paint, water pipes, soil, and other sources, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. This breaks down to 4.4 percent of all children and a full 22 percent of African-American kids who live in older homes.
Some 890,000 of all children affected are under age 6, when the brain and central nervous system are mostvulnerable. At the same time, scientists have determined that lead levels once considered safe can actually dampen IQ scores and cause lifelong learning disabilities, hyperactivity, attention-deficit disorders, and aggressive behavior. "I don't know of any other disease as disabling as lead poisoning that strikes 1 in 25 children that people wouldn't be screaming about," says Herbert Needleman, pediatric psychiatrist and lead expert at the University of Pittsburgh.
Doctors have known of lead's toxic effects since the turn of the century. In 1904, the first article about childhood lead poisoning from paint appeared in an Australian medical journal. France and Austria banned the interior use of lead paint in 1909, but a U.S. ban on residential use didn't come until 1978. At that time, studies showed that 88 percent of U.S. children had elevated lead levels.
While children on Medicaid are supposed to be screened for lead at the age of 1 or 2, fewer than 20 percent nationwide have been tested. (The state of Missouri filed suit last month against Healthcare USA of Missouri LLC and Prudential Health Care Plan Inc., two Medicaid providers, charging that the plans failed to screen their St. Louis pediatric patients for lead as federal law requires. Other states are considering similar action.) Children from well-off families are rarely checked as toddlers, though some school systems require screening. "But if you screen at school entry, it's too late," says Katherine Farrell of the Anne Arundel County (Md.) Health Department. "The damage is done between 9 and 18 months."
At the same time, the amount of lead regarded as hazardous has dropped steadily over the past three decades, from 60 micrograms per deciliter of blood to 10. And doctors are finding that even levels below 10 can be harmful. A Boston study of 148 children-many of them from relatively affluent families-showed that those with low lead levels at age 2 had decreased intellectual performance at age 10.
Links to crime. Children with elevated lead levels, Pittsburgh's Needleman has found, were seven times as likely to drop out of high school as other children, and six times as likely to have a reading disability. "We estimate that 20 to 30 percent of the special education caseload in urban centers results from lead poisoning," says Ruth Ann Norton, executive director of the Coalition to End Childhood Lead Poisoning. For decades, teachers and parents have reported disruptive behavior in lead-poisoned kids. In 1996, Needleman published the first rigorous study demonstrating that boys with elevated lead levels were more likely to engage in bullying, vandalism, arson, shoplifting, and other delinquent behaviors. Needleman is now trying to assess what portion of the juvenile criminal population suffered elevated lead levels as children; his theory is that a reduction in lead poisoning would result in less crime.
The precise mechanism by which lead affects behavior and damages the brain is not clear. Because lead is chemically similar to calcium, it can disrupt brain mechanisms that depend on calcium, like neurotransmitters that play a role in mediating responses to stimuli. The lead may also disrupt a process called neural pruning, in which the maturing brain weeds out some of a child's neural circuits, the connections between brain cells. Inadequate neural pruning may cause impulsiveness, hyperactivity, and diminished attention span. "Lead is potentially one preventable cause associated with the rise in attention-deficit disorders or ADD," says David Bellinger, a lead expert at Children's Hospital in Boston. Poor nutrition, particularly calcium and iron deficiencies, contributes to lead uptake. So does hunger. "If people are exposed to lead on an empty stomach, they absorb much more lead," says Kathryn Mahaffey, a scientist at the EPA.
Once ingested, lead, like calcium, is stored in the bones. During pregnancy, when the bones release calcium into blood, the lead is released with it, sometimes affecting the baby's brain development. And new research released last month by Ellen Silbergeld, a University of Maryland scientist, shows that blood lead levels rise at menopause; as a result, some women experience hypertension and cognitive dysfunction.
Today, the Brantley family lives in a lead-free home in a Baltimore suburb. Christian's blood lead levels have dropped, but the symptoms remain. "He attacks his brother Bobby until he draws blood," his father says. "He tries to gouge out his eyes." The Brantleys worry every day about Christian's future, not only whether he will have a lower IQ or cognitive impairment resulting from his lead poisoning but how he will learn to control his behavior. "Christian," his father says, "is violent way beyond what a normal 3-year-old should be. What will he be like at 12? At 15?"
Exposure to lead causes
developmental difficulties
Autism symptoms
correspond to the level of toxic metal in the blood,
with exposure to lead particularly harmful, according to a US study
causing brain damage to lose IQ points & causing a disposition toward violence
Article 1 of 2
Autism sufferers carried 74% more lead in their systems than control subjects, and 115% more tin. Sufferers with more severe symptoms carried higher concentrations of metal, with researchers at Arizona State University finding that toxic metal was the “strongest factor” in determining severity.
“We knew that exposure to lead makes people lose IQ points, and clearly it can induce autism”, lead researcher Professor James Adams told Metro. “The study also showed that people with the highest levels are least able to excrete them”.
Autism was previously thought be largely a hereditary condition but environmental and chemical reasons are now being accepted. “Studies such as this improve our understanding”, said Caroline Hattersley, head of information and advice at the UK-based National Autism Society, calling for “more research…across a greater geographical area.”
It is the latest lead concern, after the reported research in January 2013 that revealed exposure could induce aggression, violence and brain damage. “Anything to do with the nervous system will be badly affected, we’re only starting to see the full damage”, Professor Howard Mielke, who studied the toxin’s effects in 14 countries, told.
“There are huge repercussions for learning ability from just a small change in exposure.”
Lead remains widespread across the world, most commonly in soil and paint. But neither government nor the petrol companies that produced leaded gasoline have taken action to clear it, with the Ethyl Corporation suing environmental groups that attempted to hold it responsible.
In civil courts, hundreds of millions of dollars have been recovered by the victims of lead poisoning, and is a rapidly growing area for compensation claims. The largest award to date is the $320 million paid out to victims of exposure at a St. Louis smelting plant in 2011.
Article 2 of 2
Lead poisoning remains a major health hazard for America's children
Excerpted fron U.S. News & World Report, Dec. 20, 1999
When Karen and Bob Brantley found the lovely old Baltimore County, Md., farmhouse for rent in 1992, it seemed like a dream come true. The 25-acre property had woods, a pond nearby, and room for a dog and their kids, Tommy, Kaitey, and Bobby, who was born shortly after they moved in.
Christian, their fourth child, came along in 1996. He was a calm and happy kid at first. But last year, when Christian was about 18 months.. Testing revealed that his blood lead level was 19 micrograms per deciliter, nearly twice the level at which a child is considered at risk.
Karen Brantley was shocked. "I'm a stay at-home mom," she says. "I watch my children." Like many middle-class parents, the Brantleys did not know that lead poisoning remains the most significant environmental health hazard for U.S. children. An estimated 1.7 million children are already affected by lead from old paint, water pipes, soil, and other sources, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. This breaks down to 4.4 percent of all children and a full 22 percent of African-American kids who live in older homes.
Some 890,000 of all children affected are under age 6, when the brain and central nervous system are mostvulnerable. At the same time, scientists have determined that lead levels once considered safe can actually dampen IQ scores and cause lifelong learning disabilities, hyperactivity, attention-deficit disorders, and aggressive behavior. "I don't know of any other disease as disabling as lead poisoning that strikes 1 in 25 children that people wouldn't be screaming about," says Herbert Needleman, pediatric psychiatrist and lead expert at the University of Pittsburgh.
Doctors have known of lead's toxic effects since the turn of the century. In 1904, the first article about childhood lead poisoning from paint appeared in an Australian medical journal. France and Austria banned the interior use of lead paint in 1909, but a U.S. ban on residential use didn't come until 1978. At that time, studies showed that 88 percent of U.S. children had elevated lead levels.
While children on Medicaid are supposed to be screened for lead at the age of 1 or 2, fewer than 20 percent nationwide have been tested. (The state of Missouri filed suit last month against Healthcare USA of Missouri LLC and Prudential Health Care Plan Inc., two Medicaid providers, charging that the plans failed to screen their St. Louis pediatric patients for lead as federal law requires. Other states are considering similar action.) Children from well-off families are rarely checked as toddlers, though some school systems require screening. "But if you screen at school entry, it's too late," says Katherine Farrell of the Anne Arundel County (Md.) Health Department. "The damage is done between 9 and 18 months."
At the same time, the amount of lead regarded as hazardous has dropped steadily over the past three decades, from 60 micrograms per deciliter of blood to 10. And doctors are finding that even levels below 10 can be harmful. A Boston study of 148 children-many of them from relatively affluent families-showed that those with low lead levels at age 2 had decreased intellectual performance at age 10.
Links to crime. Children with elevated lead levels, Pittsburgh's Needleman has found, were seven times as likely to drop out of high school as other children, and six times as likely to have a reading disability. "We estimate that 20 to 30 percent of the special education caseload in urban centers results from lead poisoning," says Ruth Ann Norton, executive director of the Coalition to End Childhood Lead Poisoning. For decades, teachers and parents have reported disruptive behavior in lead-poisoned kids. In 1996, Needleman published the first rigorous study demonstrating that boys with elevated lead levels were more likely to engage in bullying, vandalism, arson, shoplifting, and other delinquent behaviors. Needleman is now trying to assess what portion of the juvenile criminal population suffered elevated lead levels as children; his theory is that a reduction in lead poisoning would result in less crime.
The precise mechanism by which lead affects behavior and damages the brain is not clear. Because lead is chemically similar to calcium, it can disrupt brain mechanisms that depend on calcium, like neurotransmitters that play a role in mediating responses to stimuli. The lead may also disrupt a process called neural pruning, in which the maturing brain weeds out some of a child's neural circuits, the connections between brain cells. Inadequate neural pruning may cause impulsiveness, hyperactivity, and diminished attention span. "Lead is potentially one preventable cause associated with the rise in attention-deficit disorders or ADD," says David Bellinger, a lead expert at Children's Hospital in Boston. Poor nutrition, particularly calcium and iron deficiencies, contributes to lead uptake. So does hunger. "If people are exposed to lead on an empty stomach, they absorb much more lead," says Kathryn Mahaffey, a scientist at the EPA.
Once ingested, lead, like calcium, is stored in the bones. During pregnancy, when the bones release calcium into blood, the lead is released with it, sometimes affecting the baby's brain development. And new research released last month by Ellen Silbergeld, a University of Maryland scientist, shows that blood lead levels rise at menopause; as a result, some women experience hypertension and cognitive dysfunction.
Today, the Brantley family lives in a lead-free home in a Baltimore suburb. Christian's blood lead levels have dropped, but the symptoms remain. "He attacks his brother Bobby until he draws blood," his father says. "He tries to gouge out his eyes." The Brantleys worry every day about Christian's future, not only whether he will have a lower IQ or cognitive impairment resulting from his lead poisoning but how he will learn to control his behavior. "Christian," his father says, "is violent way beyond what a normal 3-year-old should be. What will he be like at 12? At 15?"
Autism study: Centers for Disease Control study claims
1 in 50 school children have autism
surpassing another federal estimate
Posted: 03/20/2013
A government survey of parents says 1 in 50
U.S. schoolchildren has autism, surpassing another federal estimate for the disorder
Health officials say the new number doesn't mean autism is occurring more often. But it does suggest that doctors
are diagnosing autism more frequently, especially in children with milder problems.
The earlier government estimate of 1 in 88 comes from a study that many consider more rigorous. It looks at medical
and school records instead of relying on parents.
For decades, autism meant kids with severe language, intellectual and social impairments and unusual, repetitious
behaviors. But the definition has gradually expanded and now includes milder, related conditions.
The new estimate released Wednesday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention would mean at least 1
million children have autism.
The number is important - government officials look at how common each illness or disorder is when weighing how to
spend limited public health funds.
It's also controversial.
The new statistic comes from a national phone survey of more than 95,000 parents in 2011 and 2012. Less than a
quarter of the parents contacted agreed to answer questions, and it's likely that those with autistic kids were more
interested than other parents in participating in a survey on children's health, CDC officials said.
Still, CDC officials believe the survey provides a valid snapshot of how many families are affected by autism, said
Stephen Blumberg, the CDC report's lead author.
The study that came up with the 1-in-88 estimate had its own limitations. It focused on 14 states, only on children 8
years old, and the data came from 2008. Updated figures based on medical and school records are expected next
year.
"We've been underestimating" how common autism is, said Michael Rosanoff of Autism Speaks, an advocacy group.
He believes the figure is at least 1 in 50.
There are no blood or biologic tests for autism, so diagnosis is not an exact science. It's identified by making
judgments about a child's behavior.
Doctors have been looking for autism at younger and younger ages, and experts have tended to believe most
diagnoses are made in children by age 8.
However, the new study found significant proportions of children were diagnosed at older ages.
Dr. Roula Choueiri, a neurodevelopmental pediatrician at Tufts Medical Center in Boston, said she's seen that
happening at her clinic. Those kids "tend to be the mild ones, who may have had some speech delays, some social
difficulties," she wrote in an email. But they have more problems as school becomes more demanding and social3/21/13
1 in 50 school children have autism
surpassing another federal estimate
Posted: 03/20/2013
A government survey of parents says 1 in 50
U.S. schoolchildren has autism, surpassing another federal estimate for the disorder
Health officials say the new number doesn't mean autism is occurring more often. But it does suggest that doctors
are diagnosing autism more frequently, especially in children with milder problems.
The earlier government estimate of 1 in 88 comes from a study that many consider more rigorous. It looks at medical
and school records instead of relying on parents.
For decades, autism meant kids with severe language, intellectual and social impairments and unusual, repetitious
behaviors. But the definition has gradually expanded and now includes milder, related conditions.
The new estimate released Wednesday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention would mean at least 1
million children have autism.
The number is important - government officials look at how common each illness or disorder is when weighing how to
spend limited public health funds.
It's also controversial.
The new statistic comes from a national phone survey of more than 95,000 parents in 2011 and 2012. Less than a
quarter of the parents contacted agreed to answer questions, and it's likely that those with autistic kids were more
interested than other parents in participating in a survey on children's health, CDC officials said.
Still, CDC officials believe the survey provides a valid snapshot of how many families are affected by autism, said
Stephen Blumberg, the CDC report's lead author.
The study that came up with the 1-in-88 estimate had its own limitations. It focused on 14 states, only on children 8
years old, and the data came from 2008. Updated figures based on medical and school records are expected next
year.
"We've been underestimating" how common autism is, said Michael Rosanoff of Autism Speaks, an advocacy group.
He believes the figure is at least 1 in 50.
There are no blood or biologic tests for autism, so diagnosis is not an exact science. It's identified by making
judgments about a child's behavior.
Doctors have been looking for autism at younger and younger ages, and experts have tended to believe most
diagnoses are made in children by age 8.
However, the new study found significant proportions of children were diagnosed at older ages.
Dr. Roula Choueiri, a neurodevelopmental pediatrician at Tufts Medical Center in Boston, said she's seen that
happening at her clinic. Those kids "tend to be the mild ones, who may have had some speech delays, some social
difficulties," she wrote in an email. But they have more problems as school becomes more demanding and social3/21/13
Excellent idea
Perhaps the same can be done in your family, also
Guide your children and your whole family to get engaged more in
real human contacts and face-to-face meetings and discussions
Father agrees to pay teen daughter $200
to quit Facebook for 5 months
More and more people are taking a break from Facebook. But not many are getting $200 for the effort
Count Rachel Baier in that exclusive group. The 14-year-old made a deal with her father, Paul. If Rachel stayed off of Facebook for five months, she'd find herself $200 richer.
To make sure everything was above board, a contract was signed by both parties. Rachel will get $50 if she resists the call of Facebook until mid-April. She'll score $150 more if she makes it to June 26. She has given her father her password, which he has changed to prevent her from accessing her account. According to the contract, Rachel intends to use the proceeds for "stuff."
We spoke with Paul Baier about the plan. It turns out, it was Rachel's idea. "She mostly wanted and needed the money as she has been frustrated by not finding babysitting jobs.
She is an honors student but she says Facebook can be distracting."
Rachel originally asked for $70, but then, like an expert negotiator, she came back and asked for $200. "When she realized it would be for five months, she wanted an amount that would really excite her," Paul explained.
Paul hopes this may start a trend. "I've realized that she is part of a generation of kids that has grown up on Facebook. She's been on it for two years full time. This is two years of 24/7 teen discussion of friends, clothes, parties, etc. They can't get away from it. I'm proud she recognized the benefit of a hiatus*). She plans to go on using it after the contract ends."
The contract expires on the last day of school. So far, she has no regrets.
*) hiatus = a pause or gap in a sequence, series, or process
____________________________
Perhaps the same can be done in your family, also
Guide your children and your whole family to get engaged more in
real human contacts and face-to-face meetings and discussions
Father agrees to pay teen daughter $200
to quit Facebook for 5 months
More and more people are taking a break from Facebook. But not many are getting $200 for the effort
Count Rachel Baier in that exclusive group. The 14-year-old made a deal with her father, Paul. If Rachel stayed off of Facebook for five months, she'd find herself $200 richer.
To make sure everything was above board, a contract was signed by both parties. Rachel will get $50 if she resists the call of Facebook until mid-April. She'll score $150 more if she makes it to June 26. She has given her father her password, which he has changed to prevent her from accessing her account. According to the contract, Rachel intends to use the proceeds for "stuff."
We spoke with Paul Baier about the plan. It turns out, it was Rachel's idea. "She mostly wanted and needed the money as she has been frustrated by not finding babysitting jobs.
She is an honors student but she says Facebook can be distracting."
Rachel originally asked for $70, but then, like an expert negotiator, she came back and asked for $200. "When she realized it would be for five months, she wanted an amount that would really excite her," Paul explained.
Paul hopes this may start a trend. "I've realized that she is part of a generation of kids that has grown up on Facebook. She's been on it for two years full time. This is two years of 24/7 teen discussion of friends, clothes, parties, etc. They can't get away from it. I'm proud she recognized the benefit of a hiatus*). She plans to go on using it after the contract ends."
The contract expires on the last day of school. So far, she has no regrets.
*) hiatus = a pause or gap in a sequence, series, or process
____________________________
How to Talk to Your Teen
Here some ideas
Even though the idea isn’t “cool,” research has found that about 80% of teens admire and want to spend time with their parents. Teens really love their parents! Shocking, but believe it. They are struggling between wanting that precious independence and holding on to mom and dad.
It’s a delicate time – if not every parent’s worst nightmare - when a child enters puberty.
Not only are their bodies changing physically, but hormones are raging and bad moods are in full swing.
Every parent wants to know what is going on inside their teenager’s head, and while the normal instinct is to give them the third degree about their day. It is strongly encouraged not to interrogate temperamental teens.
Avoid direct, general questions like, “How was your day?” or “How was the date?” Teens will respond more positively to indirect questions like “How was the movie?” because they aren’t ready to give you a whole bunch of information at once. Listening is an important part of any conversation, and interrupting your child may not get you much response.
Most adolescents are discovering who they are and how they fit into society. While it might seem that their eyes are loaded with laser beams and you are their next target, they are also under a lot of pressure, both socially and academically. Let them vent; this their way of telling you about their day.
Even though the idea isn’t “cool,” research has found that about 80% of teens admire and want to spend time with their parents. Teens really love their parents! Shocking, but believe it. They are struggling between wanting that precious independence and holding on to mom and dad.
Show your kids at an early age that it’s okay to talk about anything at home. Topics like drugs, sex and alcohol can be scary for both parties to discuss, but having these conversations has been proven to help teens maintain a healthy lifestyle.
It is totally possible to maintain a strong relationship with your teen! Just remember to stay calm, listen to what they have to say, and don’t take that groan when you ask about their homework too personally.
_____________________________
Here some ideas
Even though the idea isn’t “cool,” research has found that about 80% of teens admire and want to spend time with their parents. Teens really love their parents! Shocking, but believe it. They are struggling between wanting that precious independence and holding on to mom and dad.
It’s a delicate time – if not every parent’s worst nightmare - when a child enters puberty.
Not only are their bodies changing physically, but hormones are raging and bad moods are in full swing.
Every parent wants to know what is going on inside their teenager’s head, and while the normal instinct is to give them the third degree about their day. It is strongly encouraged not to interrogate temperamental teens.
Avoid direct, general questions like, “How was your day?” or “How was the date?” Teens will respond more positively to indirect questions like “How was the movie?” because they aren’t ready to give you a whole bunch of information at once. Listening is an important part of any conversation, and interrupting your child may not get you much response.
Most adolescents are discovering who they are and how they fit into society. While it might seem that their eyes are loaded with laser beams and you are their next target, they are also under a lot of pressure, both socially and academically. Let them vent; this their way of telling you about their day.
Even though the idea isn’t “cool,” research has found that about 80% of teens admire and want to spend time with their parents. Teens really love their parents! Shocking, but believe it. They are struggling between wanting that precious independence and holding on to mom and dad.
Show your kids at an early age that it’s okay to talk about anything at home. Topics like drugs, sex and alcohol can be scary for both parties to discuss, but having these conversations has been proven to help teens maintain a healthy lifestyle.
It is totally possible to maintain a strong relationship with your teen! Just remember to stay calm, listen to what they have to say, and don’t take that groan when you ask about their homework too personally.
_____________________________
Important information for every parent - This is a must-to-read text
Hover No More: Helicopter Parents May Breed
Depression and Incompetence in Their Children
Article 1 of 2
(Article 2 just below)
The Beginning statement by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.
with the the advice D.H. Lawrence offered back in 1918:
"How to begin to educate a child. First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone.
Third rule: leave him alone. That is the whole beginning."
Of course, that was easy for him to say. He had no kids.
____________
Click green for further info
Helicopter parents, stop hovering: it’s officially not good for your kids — especially if they’re already grown.
A new study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that being overly involved in your grown-up kids’ lives can do more harm than good. The research was conducted by the same scientists who showed last year that intensive parenting — constantly stimulating your children — can make moms more depressed.
You may think you’re doing good by phoning your kids’ college professor to haggle over the difference between a B+ and an A-, but that interference may be undermining their ability to problem-solve and fend for themselves. Constantly texting adult children and friending them on Facebook— letting them fly the coop but still demanding daily check-ins — is not exactly building a generation of confident and resilient grown-ups. And the problem only snowballs. “Parents are sending an unintentional message to their children that they are not competent,” says Holly Schiffrin, lead author and an associate professor of psychology at University of Mary Washington. “When adult children don’t get to practice problem-solving skills, they can’t solve these problems in the future.”
(MORE: The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting)
To reach this conclusion, Schiffrin and colleagues surveyed 297 college-age children about their parents, asking a barrage of questions: are your parents involved in selecting classes? Do they contact your professors about your grades (Schiffrin herself has been on the receiving end of such calls more than once)? Do they intervene if you have a roommate issue?
The students also reported on how satisfied they were with their lives, as well as their feelings of depression and anxiety. And they were questioned about the “self-determination theory,” which holds that every person has three basic needs in order to be happy: they must feel autonomous, competent and connected to other people.
(MORE: How ‘Kidsick’ Parents Stay Connected (Obsessively) with Their Kids in Summer Camp)
Their answers showed that helicopter parenting decreased adult children’s feelings of autonomy, competence and connection. In turn, feeling incompetent led to increased reports of feeling depressed and dissatisfied. “These parents have the best intentions,” says Schiffrin. “They are being involved to help their child be successful. But as we know from the previous study, that high level of involvement is stressful for parents and it is not benefiting the kids. It’s actually harming them.”
As exhausting as such hands-on parenting is, and despite the toll it may take on the moms’ mental health, they tend to consider the sacrifice worth it because they believe they’re helping their children. Schiffrin knows the feeling — “Personally I feel a lot of guilt any time I’m not doing something for my kids,” she admits. But her work should help moms to shift that perspective, and consider instead that by choosing to watch Downton Abbey re-runs instead of playing Candyland with a tot or editing college essays for a high-schooler, she’s actually building her offspring’s independence and confidence.
The Latest Trend in College Admissions: Parents Write Letters of Recommendation
“For me, this at least says it’s okay to not do as much as other parents are doing because I’m helping my child become self-sufficient,” she says. “If we are doing something that is hurting us and is not helping our kids, then we need to stop.” Parenting sometimes means letting your kids go so they can fall and fail, and learn to get back on track on their own.
Click green for further info
Source: Journal of Child and Family Studies
_______________________________________________________
Important information for every parent - This is a must-to-read text
The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting
Article 2 of 2
(Article 1 just above)
The Beginning statement by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.
with the the advice D.H. Lawrence offered back in 1918:
"How to begin to educate a child. First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone.
Third rule: leave him alone. That is the whole beginning."
Of course, that was easy for him to say. He had no kids.
____________
Click green for further info
The insanity crept up on us slowly; we just wanted what was best for our kids. We bought macrobiotic cupcakes and hypoallergenic socks, hired tutors to correct a 5-year-old's "pencil-holding deficiency," hooked up broadband connections in the treehouse but took down the swing set after the second skinned knee. We hovered over every school, playground and practice field — "helicopter parents," teachers christened us, a phenomenon that spread to parents of all ages, races and regions. Stores began marketing stove-knob covers and "Kinderkords" (also known as leashes; they allow "three full feet of freedom for both you and your child") and Baby Kneepads (as if babies don't come prepadded). The mayor of a Connecticut town agreed to chop down three hickory trees on one block after a woman worried that a stray nut might drop into her new swimming pool, where her nut-allergic grandson occasionally swam. A Texas school required parents wanting to help with the second-grade holiday party to have a background check first. Schools auctioned off the right to cut the carpool line and drop a child directly in front of the building — a spot that in other settings is known as handicapped parking.
We were so obsessed with our kids' success that parenting turned into a form of product development. Parents demanded that nursery schools offer Mandarin, since it's never too soon to prepare for the competition of a global economy. High school teachers received irate text messages from parents protesting an exam grade before class was even over; college deans described freshmen as "crispies," who arrived at college already burned out, and "teacups," who seemed ready to break at the tiniest stress.
See pictures of the college dorm's evolution.
This is what parenting had come to look like at the dawn of the 21st century — just one more extravagance, the Bubble Wrap waiting to burst.
All great rebellions are born of private acts of civil disobedience that inspire rebel bands to plot together. And so there is now a new revolution under way, one aimed at rolling back the almost comical overprotectiveness and overinvestment of moms and dads. The insurgency goes by many names — slow parenting, simplicity parenting, free-range parenting — but the message is the same: Less is more; hovering is dangerous; failure is fruitful. You really want your children to succeed? Learn when to leave them alone. When you lighten up, they'll fly higher. We're often the ones who hold them down.
A backlash against overparenting had been building for years, but now it reflects a new reality. Since the onset of the Great Recession, according to a CBS News poll, a third of parents have cut their kids' extracurricular activities. They downsized, downshifted and simplified because they had to — and often found, much to their surprise, that they liked it. When a TIME poll last spring asked how the recession had affected people's relationships with their kids, nearly four times as many people said relationships had gotten better as said they'd gotten worse. "This is one of those moments when everything is on the table, up for grabs," says Carl Honoré, whose book Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting is a gospel of the slow-parenting movement. He likens the sudden awareness to the feeling you get when you wake up after a long night carousing, the lights go on, and you realize you're a mess. "That horrible moment of self-recognition is where we are culturally. I wanted parents to realize they are not alone in thinking this is insanity, and show there's another way." (See the 25 best back-to-school gadgets.)
How We Got Here
Overparenting had been around long before Douglas MacArthur's mom Pinky moved with him to West Point in 1899 and took an apartment near the campus, supposedly so she could watch him with a telescope to be sure he was studying. But in the 1990s something dramatic happened, and the needle went way past the red line. From peace and prosperity, there arose fear and anxiety; crime went down, yet parents stopped letting kids out of their sight; the percentage of kids walking or biking to school dropped from 41% in 1969 to 13% in 2001. Death by injury has dropped more than 50% since 1980, yet parents lobbied to take the jungle gyms out of playgrounds, and strollers suddenly needed the warning label "Remove Child Before Folding." Among 6-to-8-year-olds, free playtime dropped 25% from 1981 to '97, and homework more than doubled. Bookstores offered Brain Foods for Kids: Over 100 Recipes to Boost Your Child's Intelligence. The state of Georgia sent every newborn home with the CD Build Your Baby's Brain Through the Power of Music, after researchers claimed to have discovered that listening to Mozart could temporarily help raise IQ scores by as many as 9 points. By the time the frenzy had reached its peak, colleges were installing "Hi, Mom!" webcams in common areas, and employers like Ernst & Young were creating "parent packs" for recruits to give Mom and Dad, since they were involved in negotiating salary and benefits.
See iPhone apps for new moms.
See the 10 best college presidents.
Once obsessing about kids' safety and success became the norm, a kind of orthodoxy took hold, and heaven help the heretics — the ones who were brave enough to let their kids venture outside without Secret Service protection. Just ask Lenore Skenazy, who to this day, when you Google "America's Worst Mom," fills the first few pages of results — all because one day last year she let her 9-year-old son ride the New York City subway alone. A newspaper column she wrote about it somehow ignited a global firestorm over what constitutes reasonable risk. She had reporters calling from China, Israel, Australia, Malta. ("Malta! An island!" she marvels. "Who's stalking the kids there? Pirates?") Skenazy decided to fight back, arguing that we have lost our ability to assess risk. By worrying about the wrong things, we do actual damage to our children, raising them to be anxious and unadventurous or, as she puts it, "hothouse, mama-tied, danger-hallucinating joy extinguishers."
Skenazy, a Yale-educated mom who with her husband is raising two boys in New York City, had ingested all the same messages as the rest of us. Her sons' school once held a pre-field-trip assembly explaining exactly how close to a hospital the children would be at all times. She confesses to being "at least part Sikorsky," hiring a football coach for a son's birthday and handing out mouth guards as party favors. But when the Today show had her on the air to discuss her subway decision, interviewer Ann Curry turned to the camera and asked, "Is she an enlightened mom or a really bad one?" (See pictures of a diverse group of American teens.)
From that day and the food fight that followed, she launched her Free Range Kids blog, which eventually turned into her own Dangerous Book for Parents: Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry. There is no rational reason, she argues, that a generation of parents who grew up walking alone to school, riding mass transit, trick-or-treating, teeter-tottering and selling Girl Scout cookies door to door should be forbidding their kids to do the same. But somehow, she says, "10 is the new 2. We're infantilizing our kids into incompetence." She celebrates seat belts and car seats and bike helmets and all the rational advances in child safety. It's the irrational responses that make her crazy, like when Dear Abby endorses the idea, as she did in August, that each morning before their kids leave the house, parents take a picture of them. That way, if they are kidnapped, the police will have a fresh photo showing what clothes they were wearing. Once the kids make it home safe and sound, you can delete the picture and take a new one the next morning.
That advice may seem perfectly sensible to parents bombarded by heartbreaking news stories about missing little girls and the predator next door. But too many parents, says Skenazy, have the math all wrong. Refusing to vaccinate your children, as millions now threaten to do in the case of the swine flu, is statistically reckless; on the other hand, there are no reports of a child ever being poisoned by a stranger handing out tainted Halloween candy, and the odds of being kidnapped and killed by a stranger are about 1 in 1.5 million. When parents confront you with "How can you let him go to the store alone?," she suggests countering with "How can you let him visit your relatives?" (Some 80% of kids who are molested are victims of friends or relatives.) Or ride in the car with you? (More than 430,000 kids were injured in motor vehicles last year.) "I'm not saying that there is no danger in the world or that we shouldn't be prepared," she says. "But there is good and bad luck and fate and things beyond our ability to change. The way kids learn to be resourceful is by having to use their resources." Besides, she says with a smile, "a 100%-safe world is not only impossible. It's nowhere you'd want to be." (See pictures of eighth-graders being recruited for college basketball.)
Dispatches from the Front Lines
Eleven parents are sitting in a circle in an airy, glass-walled living room in south Austin, Texas, eating organic, gluten-free, nondairy coconut ice cream. This is a Slow Family Living class, taught by perinatal psychologist Carrie Contey and Bernadette Noll. "Our whole culture," says Contey, 38, "is geared around 'Is your kid making the benchmarks?' There's this fear of 'Is my kid's head the right size?' People think there's some mythical Good Mother out there that they aren't living up to and that it's hurting their child. I just want to pull the plug on that."
The parents seem relieved to hear it. Matt, a textbook editor, reports that he and his wife quit a book club because it caused too much stress on book-club nights, and stopped fussing about how the house looks, which brings nods all around the room: let go of perfectionism in all its tyranny. Margaret, a publishing executive, tells her own near-miss story of how she stepped back from the brink of insanity. On her son's fourth birthday, she says, "I'm like 'Oh, my God, he's eligible for Suzuki!' I literally got on the phone and called 12 Suzuki teachers," she says, before realizing the nightmare she was creating for herself and her child. Shutting down your inner helicopter isn't easy. "This is not a shift in perspective that occurs overnight," Matt admits after class. "And it's not every day that I consciously sit down and ask myself hard questions about how I want family life to be slower or better."
See the best back-to-school iPhone apps.
See TIME's special report on paying for college.
Fear is a kind of parenting fungus: invisible, insidious, perfectly designed to decompose your peace of mind. Fear of physical danger is at least subject to rational argument; fear of failure is harder to hose down. What could be more natural than worrying that your child might be trampled by the great, scary, globally competitive world into which she will one day be launched? It is this fear that inspires parents to demand homework in preschool, produce the snazzy bilingual campaign video for the third-grader's race for class rep, continue to provide the morning wake-up call long after he's headed off to college.
Some of the hovering is driven by memory and demography. This generation of parents, born after 1964, waited longer to marry and had fewer children. Families are among the smallest in history, which means our genetic eggs are in fewer baskets and we guard them all the more zealously. Helicopter parents can be found across all income levels, all races and ethnicities, says Patricia Somers of the University of Texas at Austin, who spent more than a year studying the species at the college level. "There are even helicopter grandparents," she notes, who turn up with their elementary-school grandchildren for college-information sessions aimed at juniors and seniors.
See pictures of Barack Obama's college years
Nor is this phenomenon limited to ZIP codes where every Volvo wagon just has to have a University of Chicago sticker on it. "I'm having exactly the same conversations with coaches, teachers, parents, counselors, whether I'm in Wichita or northern Canada or South America," says Honoré. His own revelation came while listening to the feedback about his son in kindergarten. It was fine, but nothing stellar — until he got to the art room and the teacher began raving about how creative his son was, pointing out his sketches that she'd displayed as models for other students. Then, Honoré recalls, "she dropped the G-bomb: 'He's a gifted artist,' she told us, and it was one of those moments when you don't hear anything else. I just saw the word gifted in neon with my son's name ..." So he hurried home and Googled the names of art tutors and eagerly told his son all about the special person who would help him draw even better. "He looks at me like I'm from outer space," Honoré says. "'I just wanna draw,' he tells me. 'Why do grownups have to take over everything?' "
"That was a searing epiphany," Honoré concludes. "I didn't like what I saw." He now writes and lectures about the many fruits of slowing down, citing research that suggests the brain in its relaxed state is more creative, makes more nuanced connections and is ripe for eureka moments. "With children," he argues, "they need that space not to be entertained or distracted. What boredom does is take away the noise ... and leave them with space to think deeply, invent their own game, create their own distraction. It's a useful trampoline for children to learn how to get by."
See pictures of college mascots
Other studies reinforce the importance of play as an essential protein in a child's emotional diet; were it not, argue some scientists, it would not have persisted across species and millenniums, perhaps as a way to practice for adulthood, to build leadership, sociability, flexibility, resilience — even as a means of literally shaping the brain and its pathways. Dr. Stuart Brown, a psychiatrist and the founder of the National Institute for Play — who has a treehouse above his office — recalls in a recent book how managers at Caltech's Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) noticed the younger engineers lacked problem-solving skills, though they had top grades and test scores. Realizing the older engineers had more play experience as kids — they'd taken apart clocks, built stereos, made models — JPL eventually incorporated questions about job applicants' play backgrounds into interviews. "If you look at what produces learning and memory and well-being" in life, Brown has argued, "play is as fundamental as any other aspect.'' The American Academy of Pediatrics warns that the decrease in free playtime could carry health risks: "For some children, this hurried lifestyle is a source of stress and anxiety and may even contribute to depression." Not to mention the epidemic of childhood obesity in a generation of kids who never just go out and play.
Remember, Mistakes Are Good
Many educators have been searching for ways to tell parents when to back off. It's a tricky line to walk, since studies link parents' engagement in a child's education to better grades, higher test scores, less substance abuse and better college outcomes. Given a choice, teachers say, overinvolved parents are preferable to invisible ones. The challenge is helping parents know when they are crossing a line.
Every teacher can tell the story of a student who needed to fail in order to be reassured that the world wouldn't come to an end. Yet teachers now face a climate in which parents ghostwrite students' homework, airbrush their lab reports — then lobby like a K Street hired gun for their child to be assigned to certain classes. Principal Karen Faucher instituted a "no rescue" policy at Belinder Elementary in Prairie Village, Kans., when she noticed the front-office table covered each day with forgotten lunch boxes and notebooks, all brought in by parents. The tipping point was the day a mom rushed in with a necklace meant to complete her daughter's coordinated outfit. "I'm lucky — I deal with intelligent parents here," Faucher says. "But you saw very intelligent parents doing very stupid things. It was almost like a virus. The parents knew that was not what they intended to do, but they couldn't help themselves." A guidance counselor at a Washington prep school urges parents to find a mentor of a certain disposition. "Make friends with parents," she advises, "who don't think their kids are perfect." Or with parents who are willing to exert some peer pressure of their own: when schools debate whether to drop recess to free up more test-prep time, parents need to let a school know if they think that's a trade-off worth making.
Read "To Help the Kids, Parents Go Back to School."
See pictures of teens and how they would vote
A certain amount of hovering is understandable when it comes to young children, but many educators are concerned when it persists through middle school and high school. Some teachers talk of "Stealth Fighter Parents," who no longer hover constantly but can be counted on for a surgical strike just when the high school musical is being cast or the starting lineup chosen. And senior year is the witching hour: "I think for a lot of parents, college admissions is like their grade report on how they did as a parent," observes Madeleine Rhyneer, dean of students at Willamette University in Oregon. Many colleges have had to invent a "director of parent programs" to run regional groups so moms and dads can meet fellow college parents or attend special classes where they can learn all the school cheers. The Ithaca College website offers a checklist of advice: "Visit (but not too often)"; "Communicate (but not too often)"; "Don't worry (too much)"; "Expect change"; "Trust them."
Teresa Meyer, a former PTA (Parent Teacher Association)*) president at Hickman High in Columbia, Mo., has just sent the youngest of her three daughters to college. "They made it very clear: You are not invited to the registration part where they're requesting classes. That's their job." She's come to appreciate the please-back-off vibe she's encountered. "I hope that we're getting away from the helicopter parenting," Meyer says. "Our philosophy is 'Give 'em the morals, give 'em the right start, but you've got to let them go.' They deserve to live their own lives." *) A parent-teacher association (PTA) or Parent-Teacher-Student Association (PTSA)
(See the 10 best iPhone apps for dads.)
What You Can Do
Among the most powerful weapons in the war against the helicopter brigade is the explosion of websites where parents can confide, confess and affirm their sense that lowering expectations is not the same as letting your children down.
So you gave up trying to keep your 2-year-old from eating the dog's food? You banged your son's head on the doorway while giving him a piggyback ride? Your daughter hates school and is so scared of failure she won't even try to ride a bike? "I just want to throw in the towel and give up on her," one mom posts on Truuconfessions.com. "This is NOT what I thought I was signing up for." Honestbaby.com sells baby T-shirts that say "I'll walk when I'm good and ready." Given how many books and websites drove a generation of parents mad with anxiety, a certain balance is restored to the universe when it becomes conventional for people to brag about what bad parents they are.
The revolutionary leaders are careful about offering too much advice. Parents have gotten plenty of that, and one of the goals of this new movement is to give parents permission to disagree or at least follow different roads. "People feel there's somehow a secret formula for parenting, and if we just read enough books and spend enough money and drive ourselves hard enough, we'll find it, and all will be O.K.," Honoré observes. "Can you think of anything more sinister, since every child is so different, every family is different? Parents need to block out the sound and fury from the media and other parents, find that formula that fits your family best."
Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting, teaches seminars on how to peel back the layers of cultural pressure that weigh down families. He and his coaches will even go into your home, weed out your kids' stuff, sort out their schedule, turn off the screens and help your family find space you didn't know you had, like a master closet reorganizer for the soul. But any parent can do it just as well. "We need to quit bombarding them with choices way before their ability to handle them," Payne says. The average child has 150 toys. "When you cut the toys and clothes back ... the kids really like it." He aims for a cut of roughly 75%: he tosses out the broken toys and gives away the outgrown ones and the busy, noisy, blinking ones that do the playing for you. Pare down to the classics that leave the most to the child's imagination and create a kind of toy library kids can visit and swap from. Then build breaks of calm into their schedule so they can actually enjoy the toys.
(See how to plan for retirement at any age.)
Finally, there is the gift of humility, which parents need to offer one another. We can fuss and fret and shuttle and shelter, but in the end, what we do may not matter as much as we think. Freakonomics authors Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt analyzed a Department of Education study tracking the progress of kids through fifth grade and found that things like how much parents read to their kids, how much TV kids watch and whether Mom works make little difference. "Frequent museum visits would seem to be no more productive than trips to the grocery store," they argued in USA Today. "By the time most parents pick up a book on parenting technique, it's too late. Many of the things that matter most were decided long ago — what kind of education a parent got, what kind of spouse he wound up with and how long they waited to have children."
_______________________
If you embrace this rather humbling reality, it will be easier to follow
the advice D.H. Lawrence*) offered back in 1918:
"How to begin to educate a child. First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone. Third rule: leave him alone. That is the whole beginning."
Of course, that was easy for him to say. He had no kids.
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*) D. H. Lawrence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D._H._Lawrence
David Herbert Lawrence (11 September 1885 – 2 March 1930) was an English novelist, poet, playwright, essayist, literary critic and painter who published as ...
Lady Chatterley's Lover - Sons and Lovers - DH Lawrence Ranch - Women in Love
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What is your opinion about this article below?
Pregnant Texas Teen Wins Abortion Battle
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A pregnant teen who sued her parents, claiming they were coercing her to have an abortion, will be able to give birth to her baby.
Attorneys representing the 16-year-old girl were granted a long-term injunction against the girl's parents in Texas family court on Monday, according to court documents.
The teen is 10 weeks pregnant and the injunction will last for the duration of her pregnancy.
As part of the order, the girl will be able to use her car to go to school, work and medical appointments. Her parents had taken away the use of the car as part of their effort to force an abortion, court papers stated.
The teen's parents will be liable for half of the hospital bill when she gives birth, unless she is married to the baby's 16-year-old father.
"We are extremely happy with the judge's decision today and we are very proud of our teenage client for being strong enough to stand against her parents to save her unborn child's life," Greg Terra, president of the Texas Center for Defense of Life, said in a blog post on the group's website.
Attorneys filed a lawsuit on the teen's behalf earlier this month arguing that her parents "are violating her federal constitutional rights to carry her child to term by coercing her to have an abortion with both verbal and physical threats and harassment."
The teen, identified in the lawsuit only as R.E.K. since she is a minor, was "beside herself" when she called the center for help, her lawyer Stephen Casey told ABCNews.com last week. The group claims it has previously represented teens in similar situations and won their cases.
"These girls are in a bind, particularly in a situation where their parents are forcing them to do something they don't want to do," Casey said. "Regardless of the [situation], that's her parents and she should expect support from them in this situation, not resentment and anger."
When the pregnancy was confirmed, the teenager's father allegedly "became extremely angry, was insistent that R.E.K. was not having the baby, and that the decision was not up to her, according to the lawsuit. He stated he was going to take her to have an abortion and that the decision was his, end of story."
The teen claimed in the lawsuit that her parents had taken away her phone, pulled her out of school, forced her to get two jobs and took away her car in an effort to "make her miserable so that she would give in to the coercion and have the abortion."'
___________________________________________________________
Pregnant Texas Teen Wins Abortion Battle
Click green for further info
A pregnant teen who sued her parents, claiming they were coercing her to have an abortion, will be able to give birth to her baby.
Attorneys representing the 16-year-old girl were granted a long-term injunction against the girl's parents in Texas family court on Monday, according to court documents.
The teen is 10 weeks pregnant and the injunction will last for the duration of her pregnancy.
As part of the order, the girl will be able to use her car to go to school, work and medical appointments. Her parents had taken away the use of the car as part of their effort to force an abortion, court papers stated.
The teen's parents will be liable for half of the hospital bill when she gives birth, unless she is married to the baby's 16-year-old father.
"We are extremely happy with the judge's decision today and we are very proud of our teenage client for being strong enough to stand against her parents to save her unborn child's life," Greg Terra, president of the Texas Center for Defense of Life, said in a blog post on the group's website.
Attorneys filed a lawsuit on the teen's behalf earlier this month arguing that her parents "are violating her federal constitutional rights to carry her child to term by coercing her to have an abortion with both verbal and physical threats and harassment."
The teen, identified in the lawsuit only as R.E.K. since she is a minor, was "beside herself" when she called the center for help, her lawyer Stephen Casey told ABCNews.com last week. The group claims it has previously represented teens in similar situations and won their cases.
"These girls are in a bind, particularly in a situation where their parents are forcing them to do something they don't want to do," Casey said. "Regardless of the [situation], that's her parents and she should expect support from them in this situation, not resentment and anger."
When the pregnancy was confirmed, the teenager's father allegedly "became extremely angry, was insistent that R.E.K. was not having the baby, and that the decision was not up to her, according to the lawsuit. He stated he was going to take her to have an abortion and that the decision was his, end of story."
The teen claimed in the lawsuit that her parents had taken away her phone, pulled her out of school, forced her to get two jobs and took away her car in an effort to "make her miserable so that she would give in to the coercion and have the abortion."'
___________________________________________________________
Nine daily habits
that will make you happier
as a person whether single or married
Happiness is the only true measure of personal success
Making other people happy is the highest expression of success,
but it's almost impossible to make others happy if you're not happy yourself
See below what the point of broadcast TV is - you'd be surprised
With that in mind, here are nine small changes that you can make to your daily routine that, if you're like most people, will immediately increase the amount of happiness in your life:
1. Start each day with expectation.
If there's any big truth about life, it's that it usually lives up to (or down to) your expectations. Therefore, when you rise from bed, make your first thought: "something wonderful is going to happen today." Guess what? You're probably right.
2. Take time to plan and prioritize.
The most common source of stress is the perception that you've got too much work to do. Rather than obsess about it, pick one thing that, if you get it done today, will move you closer to your highest goal and purpose in life. Then do that first.
3. Give a gift to everyone you meet.
I'm not talking about a formal, wrapped-up present. Your gift can be your smile, a word of thanks or encouragement, a gesture of politeness, even a friendly nod. And never pass beggars without leaving them something. Peace of mind is worth the spare change.
4. Deflect partisan conversations.
Arguments about politics and religion never have a "right" answer but they definitely get people all riled up over things they can't control. When such topics surface, bow out by saying something like: "Thinking about that stuff makes my head hurt."
5. Assume people have good intentions.
Since you can't read minds, you don't really know the "why" behind the "what" that people do. Imputing evil motives to other people's weird behaviors adds extra misery to life, while assuming good intentions leaves you open to reconciliation.
6. Eat high quality food slowly.
Sometimes we can't avoid scarfing something quick to keep us up and running. Even so, at least once a day try to eat something really delicious, like a small chunk of fine cheese or an imported chocolate. Focus on it; taste it; savor it.
7. Let go of your results.
The big enemy of happiness is worry, which comes from focusing on events that are outside your control. Once you've taken action, there's usually nothing more you can do. Focus on the job at hand rather than some weird fantasy of what might happen.
8. Turn off "background" TV.
Many households leave their TVs on as "background noise" while they're doing other things. The entire point of broadcast TV is to make you dissatisfied with your life so that you'll buy more stuff. Why subliminally program yourself to be a mindless consumer?
Instead, communicate with your family members for better relationships or listen to classical baroque music - it refreshes your mind and may keep you healthier and provide a longer life.
Click Baroque music - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baroque_music
9. End each day with gratitude.
Just before you go to bed, write down at least one wonderful thing that happened. It might be something as small as a making a child laugh or something as huge as a million dollar deal. Whatever it is, be grateful for that day because it will never come again.
Click green for further info
Read more:
Overcome 3 Common Sales Objections
How to Handle a Manipulative Employee
Sell Like a Pro: 6 Easy Rules
____________________________________________________________________
that will make you happier
as a person whether single or married
Happiness is the only true measure of personal success
Making other people happy is the highest expression of success,
but it's almost impossible to make others happy if you're not happy yourself
See below what the point of broadcast TV is - you'd be surprised
With that in mind, here are nine small changes that you can make to your daily routine that, if you're like most people, will immediately increase the amount of happiness in your life:
1. Start each day with expectation.
If there's any big truth about life, it's that it usually lives up to (or down to) your expectations. Therefore, when you rise from bed, make your first thought: "something wonderful is going to happen today." Guess what? You're probably right.
2. Take time to plan and prioritize.
The most common source of stress is the perception that you've got too much work to do. Rather than obsess about it, pick one thing that, if you get it done today, will move you closer to your highest goal and purpose in life. Then do that first.
3. Give a gift to everyone you meet.
I'm not talking about a formal, wrapped-up present. Your gift can be your smile, a word of thanks or encouragement, a gesture of politeness, even a friendly nod. And never pass beggars without leaving them something. Peace of mind is worth the spare change.
4. Deflect partisan conversations.
Arguments about politics and religion never have a "right" answer but they definitely get people all riled up over things they can't control. When such topics surface, bow out by saying something like: "Thinking about that stuff makes my head hurt."
5. Assume people have good intentions.
Since you can't read minds, you don't really know the "why" behind the "what" that people do. Imputing evil motives to other people's weird behaviors adds extra misery to life, while assuming good intentions leaves you open to reconciliation.
6. Eat high quality food slowly.
Sometimes we can't avoid scarfing something quick to keep us up and running. Even so, at least once a day try to eat something really delicious, like a small chunk of fine cheese or an imported chocolate. Focus on it; taste it; savor it.
7. Let go of your results.
The big enemy of happiness is worry, which comes from focusing on events that are outside your control. Once you've taken action, there's usually nothing more you can do. Focus on the job at hand rather than some weird fantasy of what might happen.
8. Turn off "background" TV.
Many households leave their TVs on as "background noise" while they're doing other things. The entire point of broadcast TV is to make you dissatisfied with your life so that you'll buy more stuff. Why subliminally program yourself to be a mindless consumer?
Instead, communicate with your family members for better relationships or listen to classical baroque music - it refreshes your mind and may keep you healthier and provide a longer life.
Click Baroque music - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baroque_music
9. End each day with gratitude.
Just before you go to bed, write down at least one wonderful thing that happened. It might be something as small as a making a child laugh or something as huge as a million dollar deal. Whatever it is, be grateful for that day because it will never come again.
Click green for further info
Read more:
Overcome 3 Common Sales Objections
How to Handle a Manipulative Employee
Sell Like a Pro: 6 Easy Rules
____________________________________________________________________
Alternative Education:
Home schooling
These Kids Don’t Go to School
Opinion from the public:
There is no way I would put my child in a public school. It is financially very tough to homeschool with one income, but worth it in the long run. We have a crazy thing called a "budget" and stick to it. There are also many ways for homeschooled kids to socialize. They meet up with other homeschooled kids, local library get-togethers, and many other local things. They don't have to deal with the pressures of the other kids in the public school system and exposed to things that they are too young for are wrong. And the other thing is I know what my child is being taught, and see that the work is done. These kids are not sheltered and are also allowed to be kids in a safe setting.
With your whole family, do further internet research for this topic.
Get involved in a local group/chapter 0f homeschooler families.
The Best Age to Get Married
Studies reveal that you should reach a specific age before you get married
The Magic Number
Experts swear couples have the best odds of making it for the long haul if they wait until 25 to get hitched.
There are practical reasons for the mid-20s dividing line, and most of them boil down to two biggies: education and money. Turns out, the more years of higher education a woman or a man has under her belt on her wedding day, the lower the chances that she’ll get divorced…and by 25, you’re more likely to have earned a degree or two. “Educated people tend to be more confident about who they are and less willing to settle for a partner who doesn’t meet their standards,” explains Terri Orbuch, PhD, author of Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great.
Odds are that by 25 you’re also supporting yourself, so there’s less incentive for you to rush into marriage because you’re seeking financial security from your partner.
But the marriage-related benefits of working and having money of your own go beyond feeling secure, says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Finding Your Perfect Match. Learning to budget your cash carefully when you’re single will help you avoid financial problems—one of the main causes of couple fights—for the rest of your life. And juggling responsibilities, dealing with differing personalities, and resolving conflicts on the job force you to develop skills that are necessary for maintaining long-term love.
Knowing the Real You
At 25, you’ve had time for some crucial life experiences, including a relationship or two that may have improved your Mr. Right radar. “You’ve probably dated enough to have a better idea of what you don’t want in a man or a woman, which makes it easier to know what you can live with and can’t live without,” says Orbuch.
Perhaps the most important aspect of waiting is that you’ll know what your goals and values really are, says Paul Coleman, PsyD, author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Intimacy. While you don’t want to marry someone just like you, marriage is a lot easier if you two share a similar outlook on life.
Twenty-four and already married to the person of your dreams?
Don’t worry: Many young marriages survive. But given the choice, you might consider
putting off the big day at least until your mid-20s or later.
Click green title for further info
7 Things Men Wish Women Knew
Celebrity Engagement Rings Photos - Pics of Famous Wedding Rings
Seduce Your Boyfriend with These Beauty Moves
The Kissing Game: 7 Techniques to Drive Him Wild
Source: Follow us: @Cosmopolitan on Twitter | Cosmopolitan on Facebook
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Marriage by proxy
You May Now Kiss the Computer Screen Internet Marriages on Rise in Some Immigrant Communities
As more International Couples marry online,
The U.S. Immigration officers face new challenge
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What is a Proxy Marriage? Click Proxy Marriage Now
With a red embroidered veil draped over her dark hair, Punam Chowdhury held her breath last month as her fiancé said the words that would make them husband and wife. After she echoed them, they were married.
Guests erupted in applause; the bride and groom traded bashful smiles.
Just then, the Internet connection cut out, and the wedding was abruptly over.
Normally one of the most intimate moments two people can share, the marriage had taken place from opposite ends of the globe over the video chat program Skype, with Ms. Chowdhury, an American citizen, in a mosque in Jackson Heights, Queens, and her new husband, Tanvir Ahmmed, in his living room with a Shariah judge in his native Bangladesh.
Their courtship, like so many others, had taken place almost entirely over the Internet — they had met in person only once, years earlier, in passing. But in a twist that underscores technology’s ability to upend traditional notions about romance, people are not just finding their match online, but also saying “I do” there.
These are called proxy marriages, a legal arrangement that allows a couple to wed even in the absence of one or both spouses. They date back centuries: one of the most famous examples was between Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette, who were first married in her native Austria in his absence, before she was shipped to meet him in France. Proxy marriages via telegraph have also been documented.
The procedure had been used infrequently in the United States, usually by deployed members of the military worried about being killed and leaving loved ones without benefits. But it is increasingly being used in immigrant communities, where people are seeking to marry partners from their homelands without the expense of matchmaking trips abroad.
Such convenience has also raised concerns that it will facilitate marriage fraud — already a challenge for immigration authorities — as well as make it easier to ensnare vulnerable women in trafficking networks.
The practice is so new that some immigration authorities said they were unaware it was even happening and did not typically provide extra scrutiny to ensure these types of marriages were not misused to secure citizenship. But even those who conduct or arrange these ceremonies have expressed reservations as the practice has grown more widespread.
The imam Mohd A. Qayyoom, who runs the New York Qazi Office in Jackson Heights and officiated Ms. Chowdhury’s wedding in February, said he had turned away people seeking to marry cousins in Southeast Asia in order to get them to the United States. Mazeda A. Uddin, a community activist from Queens, who often plays matchmaker, said she stopped organizing proxy weddings after witnessing people being married and left brokenhearted by unscrupulous foreigners seeking a green card, not a life partner.
“Part of the reason for having the two people come and appear before a priest or a judge is to make sure it is a freely chosen thing,” said Adam Candeub, a professor at Michigan State University College of Law who has studied proxy marriage. “There are some problems with willy-nilly allowing anyone around the world to marry.”
Technically, the Chowdhury-Ahmmed marriage “took place” in Bangladesh, where it was legally registered, not New York, where the practice is not allowed. Only a few states permit proxy marriages, and most require one partner to be in the military. But the United States generally recognizes foreign marriages as long as they are legally conducted abroad and do not break any laws here.
George Andrews, the operations manager for Proxy Marriage Now, a company in Fayetteville, N.C., that facilitates such unions worldwide for a fee, said technology, like Skype, was driving the growth of proxy marriages. In the seven years the company has been in existence, business has increased by 12 percent to 15 percent annually to between 400 and 500 weddings a year. The share not involving someone in the military has grown to 40 percent.
Some of those couples are trying to circumvent restrictive local laws, like those in Israel and other countries, which recognize mixed-religion marriages but will not perform them, he said. Others who live in different countries seek marriage to pave the way to be together, a first step to attaining a visa or citizenship for a spouse, he said. Couples usually dial in to a ceremony in El Salvador, which has comparatively little red tape surrounding the process.
All people applying for American citizenship through marriage must first be interviewed by officials from the Homeland Security or State Department who are charged with rooting out fraud. Officials said that if the spouses were to explain they had been married thousands of miles apart over the Internet, it would quite likely raise a red flag.
And yet, while the agencies ask interviewees for details of their wedding during the immigration interviews, they do not specifically inquire whether it occurred by proxy.
Archi Pyati, the deputy director of the Immigration Intervention Project at the Sanctuary for Families, an organization that helps battered women, said the center frequently saw ways in which proxy marriage was abused. Some cases involve women, many from West Africa, who were married by proxy without their consent, or as children.
Other cases have involved proxy marriage used to bring women into the country who then find themselves pressed into sex work by traffickers.
The practice of proxy marriage is particularly widespread in Islamic countries where the Koran has long been interpreted to explicitly endorse it.
“After all these advancements in technology and all kinds of telecommunication tools, scholars came to the conclusion that it is acceptable,” said the imam Shamsi Ali, of the Jamaica Muslim Center in Queens.
“Skype is making it easier,” he added. “These days you have Google Hangout, too.”
There are those who oppose the practice for traditional reasons.
“It seems strange; I just feel like a wedding begins your new life together, not apart,” said Angela Troia, who owns the Wedding Company, a shop in Manhasset, N.Y., on Long Island, that sells invitations and offers planning guidance for many Queens couples. “I think it takes away from the meaning of it.”
But for Ms. Chowdhury, 21, and Mr. Ahmmed, 31, the giggling pair pretending to feed each other wedding dessert by holding forkfuls of cake to their computer screens that day, it felt full of the gravity of any other wedding. Ms. Chowdhury noted that her aunt had married similarly, long before the Internet age — by telephone.
Peering from the screen of a laptop, Mr. Ahmmed agreed. “This is my lawful wife,” he said.
At the last word, his bride squealed with joy.
Source: NYT
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This is an interesting article
In the Quest for Love, Costs vs. Benefit Date: February 2013
By
Robert H. Frank, an economics professor at the Johnson Graduate School of Management at Cornell University
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Is love for sale? Maybe not quite as directly as sex is, but economists believe that the quest for a romantic partner obeys essentially the same cost-benefit logic that governs every other market.
Economists may seem soulless, unlikely guides to affairs of the heart. But “Dollars and Sex,” a delightful book by Marina Adshade, an economist at the University of British Columbia, may convince you otherwise.
In the book, to be published in April by Chronicle Books, she summarizes her own research and that of other economists, and shows that forces of supply and demand indeed loom large in the implicit market for romance.
Numbers matter. And while it’s good to be in the majority in politics, it’s far better to be in the minority if you’re in the market for love.
Consider the evolution of heterosexual dating practices on American college campuses. Forty years ago, when women were a minority of the student population, they were in high demand. On some campuses, a man couldn’t win an extended conversation with a woman without inviting her out to dinner.
Today, most undergraduates are women, shifting the terms of trade. These days, it’s not uncommon for students (women or men) to graduate without having gone on a traditional date. Professor Adshade says the committed relationships of yore have largely given way to a hookup culture that many women view as highly stressful.
To be sure, supply and demand isn’t the whole story here. Social norms often have an even stronger impact on courtship rituals. But norms are themselves heavily shaped by implicit comparisons of costs and benefits.
A case in point is the sexual revolution of the 1960s. According to conventional wisdom, the invention of the birth control pill caused it by eliminating fear of pregnancy. But that claim gives short shrift to the far bigger role of changing social norms.
After all, contraceptive devices like diaphragms and condoms became available long before the pill. By the 1930s, the fertility rate in the United States had declined to roughly two children per woman, down from seven in 1800 and near its current level. While the rate has fluctuated, affected by factors like war and the economic cycle, its low level in the ’30s suggests contraceptives were having an effect on sexual behavior.
THE more profound influence of contraception was the indirect way it transformed social norms about premarital sex. In 1900, only 6 percent of unmarried 19-year-old women were sexually experienced, a status that carried an enormous social stigma. But the moral outrage summoned by stigmatized behavior can fade as the behavior becomes more widespread. As the availability of contraceptives grew, reduced fear of pregnancy slowly led additional unmarried women to enter the pool of the sexually active. And because every such transition slightly weakened the original stigma, it encouraged still more women to become active, too.
Eventually, this dynamic reached a tipping point, after which premarital sex in many circles no longer entailed any social cost. Even with fears about AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, and with many women relying on forms of contraception other than the pill, more than 70 percent of unmarried 19-year-old women in 2000 had had sex. In many social circles, sexually inactive teenagers became the ones viewed with suspicion. That change is hard to explain without invoking the implicit cost-benefit calculations that transformed social norms.
American individualism traditionally favors letting people do as they please, so long as they don’t cause undue harm to others. So it’s also hard to explain attempts to restrict some sexual practices. Consider those who say states should be able to ban the sale of contraceptives. Even many people who personally object to contraceptives on religious grounds may find it hard to see how government could have a legitimate interest in restricting private behavior this way.
Yet because contraceptive availability changes individual choices in ways that can transform social norms about sex, it can cause indirect harm. Proponents of a ban may just want teenagers to grow up in an environment where they aren’t expected to sleep with the first classmate who hits on them. A ban, though, would cause enormous harm, and is an ill-advised strategy for creating such an environment. But the wish itself is hardly mysterious.
Few human endeavors are more important than the quest for a successful romantic relationship. And as even the most soulless economist recognizes, emotions play a bigger role in that quest than in markets for most other goods. In an earlier column, I described persuasive reasons for believing that our emotions often steer us to better relationships than we’d achieve if led by narrow economic considerations alone.
Yet as even the most starry-eyed romantic should know, economists’ cost-benefit logic also matters — as witnessed, for example, by the many otherwise attractive suitors who are rejected because their earnings prospects are poor. That the reasons for such rejections often lie beyond conscious awareness doesn’t make them any less real.
Occasionally, however, they bubble to the surface. As F. Scott Fitzgerald is reputed to have advised a younger friend, “Don’t marry for money — go where the money is, then marry for love.”
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Robert H. Frank is an economics professor at the Johnson Graduate School of Management at Cornell University
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Should Therapists Play Cupid?
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Richard A. Friedman is a professor of clinical psychiatry and the director of the psycho-pharmacology clinic at the Weill Cornell Medical College.
Cupid = (1) The god of love. He is represented as a naked, winged boy with a bow and arrows, with which he wounds his victims. (2)A representation of a naked winged child, typically carrying a bow.
IF you are in psychotherapy, there’s a good chance your therapist knows more about your inner thoughts and secret desires than anyone else.
So, if you’re looking for a mate, wouldn’t your therapist be a more reliable matchmaker than eHarmony and Match.com and other sites that rely on impersonal algorithms?
The idea that therapists might play Cupid with patients tantalizes patients and therapists. An anecdotal survey of my psychiatrist colleagues suggests that the matchmaking impulse is very common.
A senior colleague, for example, tells me he was treating a young man who was struggling to find a partner. My colleague said he knew someone who was perfect for his patient and wanted to set them up on a date, but didn’t because he was afraid — there were too many ways even the most well-intentioned therapist fix-up could go wrong.
Why? Psychotherapy, especially insight-oriented therapy, is designed to conjure intense feelings — on the part of the patient and therapist. Much of what patients feel toward their therapists, the so-called transference, are unconscious feelings that are redirected from important early figures in their lives — parents, family members and teachers. Your therapist mirrors this phenomenon with his own countertransference.
One of psychotherapy’s aims is to use the patient-therapist relationship to better understand the patient’s relationships with others and to remedy problems in the little lab that is the therapeutic connection.
Both parties are under constant temptation to act on their unconscious feelings, rather than analyze and understand them. No matter how smart or experienced the therapist, it’s easy to follow those feelings and get your patient — and possibly yourself — in trouble. Strict boundaries between personal and professional behavior are meant to insure against such hazards.
But temptation lurks. I’ve had matchmaker fantasies myself. A patient of mine, who was divorced, told me she was reluctant to enter the online dating scene. It felt overwhelming, she said, and it seemed improbable that she would meet a plausible mate.
An old friend and colleague of mine lost his wife to cancer some years ago and I knew — or thought I knew — that he would hit it off with my patient. I began to wonder how I could discreetly bring them together. Could I invite him for dinner and tell him to meet me in the waiting area outside my office around the time of her appointment? Too chancy. Too obvious.
I thought maybe I should just ask my patient if she would like to meet my friend. That would involve crossing useful boundaries. And would bring my personal life in conflict with my job as therapist, which, among other things, is to help patients understand themselves and discover how to make their own lives as full and rich as possible. I shouldn’t find partners for my patient any more than I should cook her dinner: both are skills she has to develop for herself.
Additionally (and why was I thinking this through so fully?) she might feel coerced into something she really didn’t want to do. A therapeutic relationship is by definition unequal; therapists have considerable power, and patients want to please their therapists. My patient might be reluctant to decline.
Worse yet, what if the date went badly? My patient might wonder whether I really understood her at all or whether I was setting her up as a kind of test.
A colleague told me that when she was in training, her boss, a senior psychiatrist, suggested that she go on a date with one of his patients. She thought it odd, but being curious and open-minded, she agreed.
They went out for drinks, she said, and her date spent the evening pumping her for information about her boss. My colleague’s date seemed less interested in her than in learning more about his therapist.
My colleague later realized that her boss, who was married, had a crush on her. She thinks he set up the match so that he might vicariously enjoy the experience of dating her. True or not, it seems the therapist may not have been acting in his patient’s best interest.
Freud himself dabbled in therapeutic matchmaking and in fact went so far as to encourage one of his patients to leave his wife and pursue another woman. At Freud’s urging, Horace Frink, a psychiatrist Freud analyzed and later nominated to head the New York Psychoanalytic Society, divorced his wife and married Angelika Bijur, one of Dr. Frink’s own patients.
Whatever else Freud had in mind, it seems he may have had personal and financial motives for the union between Dr. Frink and Ms. Bijur, who happened to be a wealthy heiress. In a letter to Dr. Frink, Freud said of the proposed marriage, “If matters turn out all right, let us change this imaginary gift into a real contribution to the Psychoanalytic Funds.”
A marriage arranged — and sanctified — by Freud himself! That’s a proposition hard to defy. Alas, Dr. Frink experienced depression and psychosis soon after the marriage and divorced Ms. Bijur a few years later. Today such psychiatric meddling would be likely to create a public scandal and a malpractice suit.
PRAGMATIC psychotherapists continue to wrestle with questions involved in patient fix-ups. The psychologist Clifford N. Lazarus, for example, argues that therapists are in a good position to evaluate personality traits that could make or break a match, and with high-functioning patients, it is ethical to give it a try. He suggests that therapists use informed consent, the same way a psychiatrist discusses the pros and cons of an antidepressant medication before starting treatment. The idea is to inform the patient of the potential benefits (could be a good match) and hazards (rejection; hard feelings toward your therapist, with the potential to wreck the therapeutic relationship) and receive consent. Case closed.
Not quite. This approach skirts the untidy fact of transference and countertransference — the matching sets of powerful and unconscious feelings that patients and therapists have toward each other. You might get your patient to “agree” to any number of contingencies, but there is no bargaining with his unconscious.
The fact is that consent, no matter how well-informed — or well-intentioned — is insufficient to protect against the possible mischief inherent in therapist-driven matchmaking.
Looking to your therapist to set up a date is as ill-advised as it is to look to Match.com for help with depression or an eating disorder. Therapists would be wise to leave matchmaking to Cupid, or his online minions.
Source:
Richard A. Friedman is a professor of clinical psychiatry and the director of the psycho-pharmacology clinic at the Weill Cornell Medical College.
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The Hottest New Trends in Engagement Rings
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If celeb engagement rings are any indication, a simple diamond and platinum setting isn't the norm anymore. We asked McQueen Jewelry CEO Yosi Elison what's huge right now. The theme? Bigger-and different-is definitely better. Hey, it's good to know…just in case.
1. Screw Traditional
We're all different, so why shouldn't our engagement rings show off our individuality?
"Women want unique now. There was a huge surge in halo, cushion-cut diamond settings the last few years and bride after bride had a similar looking ring," Elison said. "The newest crop of brides-to-be want a ring that showcases their individual personality; they're shying away from 'traditional.'"
2. Vintage Is Back
Edwardian, vintage-inspired ring sales have increased bigtime, thanks to shows like Downton Abbey. The designs are delicate, incredibly feminine while still being sophisticated-like lace dripping in diamonds. The show's U.S. return in 2013 should mean even more requests for this vintage style.
Related: Guess the Celeb Engagement Ring
3. Lots of Color
Call it the Duchess effect: Many future brides are opting for emerald- and yellow-colored stones over the typical white diamond. Think Kate Middleton's sapphire stone and Kelly Clarkson's huge yellow rock-that's the new look.
4. Bigger Is Better
Jewelers are also receiving more requests for super-sized diamonds thanks to the huge rocks celebs like Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie are wearing.
Got a guy on a budget? A smaller rock with better quality color and clarity will sparkle more than a massive (yet affordable) one with more flaws.
5. Different Shapes
Brides are now shifting away from traditional round-cut diamonds in favor of eye-catching shapes like marquise-, pear-, cushion-, and emerald-cut diamonds.
A double halo look-two tiers of smaller diamonds-is also getting more popular. It gives the appearance of a bigger stone for a (sometimes) smaller price.
Related: The Best Age to Get Married
6. Custom Settings
It's not just the stones that are getting a makeover: Jewelers are now working closely with guys-and their future brides-to come up with outside-the-box settings. Take Kat Von D for example: Future hubby Deadmau5 had her black diamond set into a silver band encrusted with miniature skulls.
7. Mixed Metals
Platinum has been the go-to setting for engagement rings for years, but expect to see different types of metals in the future. Brides are rocking white and yellow gold rings, among other precious metals.
Read more at Cosmopolitan.com!
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8 Ways to Fix a Bad Kisser
10 Signs He Wants to Marry You
Score Clear, Zit-Free Skin
The Sex Move He's Dying for You to Try
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Cosmopolitan.com | Love + Sex
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Better this idea than only one parent
Study this article - one new phenomenon in our world
What do you think?
Making a Child, Minus the Couple
Date: February , 2013
Rachel Hope is 5-foot-9 and likes yoga, dance and martial arts. A real estate developer and freelance writer in Los Angeles, Ms. Hope, 41, is seeking a man who lives near her, is healthy and fit, and “has his financial stuff together,” she said. Parker Williams, the 42-year-old founder of QTheory, a charity auction company also in Los Angeles, would seem like a good candidate. A 6-foot-2 former model who loves animals, Mr. Williams is athletic, easygoing, compassionate and organized.
Neither Ms. Hope nor Mr. Williams is interested in a romantic liaison. But they both want a child, and they’re in serious discussions about having, and raising, one together. Never mind that Mr. Williams is gay and that the two did not know of each other’s existence until last October, when they met on Modamily.com, a Web site for people looking to share parenting arrangements.
Mr. Williams and Ms. Hope are among a new breed of online daters, looking not for love but rather a partner with whom to build a decidedly non-nuclear family. And several social networks, including PollenTree.com, Coparents.com, Co-ParentMatch.com, andMyAlternativeFamily.com, as well as Modamily, have sprung up over the past few years to help them.
“While some people have chosen to be a single parent, many more people look at scheduling and the financial pressures and the lack of an emotional partner and decide that single parenting is too daunting and wouldn’t be good for them or the child,” said Darren Spedale, 38, the founder of Family by Design, a free parenting partnership site officially introduced in early January. “If you can share the support and the ups and downs with someone, it makes it a much more interesting parenting option.”
The sites present what can seem like a compelling alternative to surrogacy, adoption or simple sperm donation.
“I’ve met so many women in this same situation, who aren’t married and feel like they missed the boat,” said Dawn Pieke, 43, a sales and marketing manager in Omaha, Neb., whose daughter, Indigo, was born last October. Ms. Pieke met Indigo’s father, Fabian Blue, on a Facebook page for Co-parents.net in June 2011, not long after the end of her 10-year relationship. She wanted a baby, but feared doing it alone because, she said, “I didn’t grow up with my dad.” Rather than focusing on a love match, she decided to find someone to share both the financial and emotional stresses of child rearing.
Mr. Blue, for his part, had wanted to be a father since 2006. He had considered adoption, but “figured no one would let a single gay male adopt a child, and I didn’t have the kind of income for a surrogate,” he said. He went on Craigslist and parenting Web sites and had coffee dates with a handful of women, but “just like in any relationship there needed to be a spark and it simply wasn’t there,” he said. With Ms. Pieke, though, he said the electricity was palpable from the start. The two corresponded on Facebook and then Skype, asking each other questions about everything from religion to dating to child-rearing philosophies. By November he decided to move from Melbourne, Australia, where he was living, to Omaha.
“My twin sister was like, ‘Are you kidding me?’ ” Ms. Pieke recalled with a laugh. “I said, ‘No. He wants a child. I want a child. We want to meet and see if it’s anything bigger.’ ”
They first met in person on Thanksgiving 2011. “I felt like this guy was my relative or long-lost brother, but then again he was also a stranger,” Ms. Pieke said. They continued the dialogue: reading each other’s medical charts, undergoing fertility tests. He moved into a separate bedroom in her home, and, she said, four weeks later, “He handed me a semen sample, we hugged, and I went into my bedroom and inseminated myself.”
While Mr. Blue and Ms. Pieke plan on sharing parenting responsibility for Indigo equally, they never drafted any kind of legal agreement, which they both agree was unwise. “There were so many things I didn’t anticipate — like, how much should I be responsible financially? What happens if I lose a job? What happens if he does? It’s not a marriage,” she said.
Mr. Spedale, who is writing a book on parenting partnerships, a term he prefers to co-parenting since the latter is sometimes used among the divorced, stresses the importance of having some kind of written agreement in place, not just for legal reasons but “to get that conversation going about things you might not have thought about asking,” he said.
As with same-sex marriage, the laws on parenting partnerships vary from state to state. Family by Design publishes a list on its Web site, along with a template for parenting agreements. And there have been some court cases that could affect them. In 2008, a New Mexico state appeals court decided against a sperm donor who was somewhat involved in the children’s lives and had agreed to pay some child support but refused once the amount increased. Last year, a state appeals court in California ruled in favor of a Texas sperm donor who was sued for child support.
But even a legal document is not necessarily binding. “Courts will operate on the basis of what is in the best interest of the child,” said Bill Singer, a lawyer in Belle Mead, N.J., who specializes in nontraditional families. “Although a judge might look at an agreement to see what the intention of the parties was, it is not controlling.”
Still, Mr. Singer suggests people formalize their partnership in writing, if for no other reason than that it gives them the chances to reflect on issues like living arrangements, names and tax returns. “If you’re going to do this, you have to have an agreement, and part of it should be how you’re going to raise the child over time,” he said.
Colin Weil and the mother of his 2-year-old daughter, Stella, made sure to draw up a contract and even went to couples therapy before she got pregnant. Mr. Weil, who is gay, met Stella’s mother, who asked that her name not be used, in October 2009 through a mutual friend who knew that both were single and wanted children. A courtship of sorts ensued, with strings of e-mails and endless phone calls. They met each other’s friends and families, and “decided to go for it,” said Mr. Weil, 46, director of marketing at the Jewish Museum in Manhattan. He said they spent the next few months trying to convince themselves they shouldn’t, “because it seemed crazy.” But Stella now spends one night a week with Mr. Weil and they plan to work up to more.
Mr. Weil believes this type of parenting arrangement is completely logical.
“When you think about the concept of the village, and how the village was part of child rearing for so many cultures for so many thousands of years, it makes total sense,” he said. “The idea that two people — let alone one person — would do it without the village is really nutty.”
But Elizabeth Marquardt, director of the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values, a nonpartisan advocacy group in New York, vehemently disagrees. “It’s a terrible idea, deliberately consigning a child to be raised in two different worlds, with parents who did not even attempt to form a loving bond with one another,” she wrote in an e-mail. “As children of divorce will tell you, it’s very difficult to grow up in two different worlds, with your parents each pursuing separate love lives that can be increasingly complex over the course of a childhood.”
Others say she is missing the point that parenting partnerships actually spare a child the future pain of divorce. “Certainly, from a research standpoint, I don’t think having a romantic relationship is necessary to have a good co-parenting relationship,” said Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan, an associate professor in the Ohio State University department of human sciences. “Research shows that if parents can have a warm, cooperative, co-parenting relationship, then that’s going to be positive for the child’s development.”
These types of partnerships also encourage people to strategize on a philosophy of child rearing ahead of time, which many traditional couples don’t do.
“That level of thoughtfulness really benefits kids — these are people who have thought about how do I want to raise a child, whom do I want to raise a child with — that can only be good for children,” said Jennifer Chrisler, executive director of Family Equality Council, a national advocacy organization. “We should all think that hard about how we are going to have our kids and what we’re going to do once they’re in the world. If everybody gave that kind of thought to having children, we’d probably have better outcomes.”
Of course, advance consideration will not anticipate all problems in such a relationship. Ms. Pieke, who introduces Mr. Blue as her “co-parent,” acknowledged that this arrangement was not necessarily enough during the postpartum wee hours.
“Fabian and I are not in a romantic relationship — there’s no confusion there,” she said. “But there is still that underlying thing that this is confusing, especially when you’re under one roof. This is a guy that fathered my child. I would get mad if he didn’t pick up on that or help me through those times. He was like, ‘What do you want me to do?’ We were completely out of our element.”
And no one would say finding a parenting partner online is easy. Alisha, a 43-year-old divorced piano teacher and mother of one in Lawrenceville, N.J., who did not want her last name used, researched several Web sites. In December, she joined Modamily, which costs $29.95 a month, and also offers a “personal concierge service” that makes live introductions, costing $149.95 for three months. She e-mailed a few men, but did not connect with anyone.
“We become super-critical — much more than if it was just a cup of coffee or a date,” she said, adding that she is considering having a second child with her ex-husband because “I already know that demon, I already know what’s there, even genetically.”
But Ms. Hope, who already has two children aged 22 and 4 from previous co-parenting relationships, said she had only met “desirable, accomplished men” while seeking her third, including a married man whose wife did not want another child but gave him her blessing to have one outside the marriage. (This is California, after all.)
Regarding her next partner, she said: “It’s about whether we can relate to each other, but also about being shrewd and making a really logical, rational decision for my future unborn children.”
Source: NYT
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Study this article - one new phenomenon in our world
What do you think?
Making a Child, Minus the Couple
Date: February , 2013
Rachel Hope is 5-foot-9 and likes yoga, dance and martial arts. A real estate developer and freelance writer in Los Angeles, Ms. Hope, 41, is seeking a man who lives near her, is healthy and fit, and “has his financial stuff together,” she said. Parker Williams, the 42-year-old founder of QTheory, a charity auction company also in Los Angeles, would seem like a good candidate. A 6-foot-2 former model who loves animals, Mr. Williams is athletic, easygoing, compassionate and organized.
Neither Ms. Hope nor Mr. Williams is interested in a romantic liaison. But they both want a child, and they’re in serious discussions about having, and raising, one together. Never mind that Mr. Williams is gay and that the two did not know of each other’s existence until last October, when they met on Modamily.com, a Web site for people looking to share parenting arrangements.
Mr. Williams and Ms. Hope are among a new breed of online daters, looking not for love but rather a partner with whom to build a decidedly non-nuclear family. And several social networks, including PollenTree.com, Coparents.com, Co-ParentMatch.com, andMyAlternativeFamily.com, as well as Modamily, have sprung up over the past few years to help them.
“While some people have chosen to be a single parent, many more people look at scheduling and the financial pressures and the lack of an emotional partner and decide that single parenting is too daunting and wouldn’t be good for them or the child,” said Darren Spedale, 38, the founder of Family by Design, a free parenting partnership site officially introduced in early January. “If you can share the support and the ups and downs with someone, it makes it a much more interesting parenting option.”
The sites present what can seem like a compelling alternative to surrogacy, adoption or simple sperm donation.
“I’ve met so many women in this same situation, who aren’t married and feel like they missed the boat,” said Dawn Pieke, 43, a sales and marketing manager in Omaha, Neb., whose daughter, Indigo, was born last October. Ms. Pieke met Indigo’s father, Fabian Blue, on a Facebook page for Co-parents.net in June 2011, not long after the end of her 10-year relationship. She wanted a baby, but feared doing it alone because, she said, “I didn’t grow up with my dad.” Rather than focusing on a love match, she decided to find someone to share both the financial and emotional stresses of child rearing.
Mr. Blue, for his part, had wanted to be a father since 2006. He had considered adoption, but “figured no one would let a single gay male adopt a child, and I didn’t have the kind of income for a surrogate,” he said. He went on Craigslist and parenting Web sites and had coffee dates with a handful of women, but “just like in any relationship there needed to be a spark and it simply wasn’t there,” he said. With Ms. Pieke, though, he said the electricity was palpable from the start. The two corresponded on Facebook and then Skype, asking each other questions about everything from religion to dating to child-rearing philosophies. By November he decided to move from Melbourne, Australia, where he was living, to Omaha.
“My twin sister was like, ‘Are you kidding me?’ ” Ms. Pieke recalled with a laugh. “I said, ‘No. He wants a child. I want a child. We want to meet and see if it’s anything bigger.’ ”
They first met in person on Thanksgiving 2011. “I felt like this guy was my relative or long-lost brother, but then again he was also a stranger,” Ms. Pieke said. They continued the dialogue: reading each other’s medical charts, undergoing fertility tests. He moved into a separate bedroom in her home, and, she said, four weeks later, “He handed me a semen sample, we hugged, and I went into my bedroom and inseminated myself.”
While Mr. Blue and Ms. Pieke plan on sharing parenting responsibility for Indigo equally, they never drafted any kind of legal agreement, which they both agree was unwise. “There were so many things I didn’t anticipate — like, how much should I be responsible financially? What happens if I lose a job? What happens if he does? It’s not a marriage,” she said.
Mr. Spedale, who is writing a book on parenting partnerships, a term he prefers to co-parenting since the latter is sometimes used among the divorced, stresses the importance of having some kind of written agreement in place, not just for legal reasons but “to get that conversation going about things you might not have thought about asking,” he said.
As with same-sex marriage, the laws on parenting partnerships vary from state to state. Family by Design publishes a list on its Web site, along with a template for parenting agreements. And there have been some court cases that could affect them. In 2008, a New Mexico state appeals court decided against a sperm donor who was somewhat involved in the children’s lives and had agreed to pay some child support but refused once the amount increased. Last year, a state appeals court in California ruled in favor of a Texas sperm donor who was sued for child support.
But even a legal document is not necessarily binding. “Courts will operate on the basis of what is in the best interest of the child,” said Bill Singer, a lawyer in Belle Mead, N.J., who specializes in nontraditional families. “Although a judge might look at an agreement to see what the intention of the parties was, it is not controlling.”
Still, Mr. Singer suggests people formalize their partnership in writing, if for no other reason than that it gives them the chances to reflect on issues like living arrangements, names and tax returns. “If you’re going to do this, you have to have an agreement, and part of it should be how you’re going to raise the child over time,” he said.
Colin Weil and the mother of his 2-year-old daughter, Stella, made sure to draw up a contract and even went to couples therapy before she got pregnant. Mr. Weil, who is gay, met Stella’s mother, who asked that her name not be used, in October 2009 through a mutual friend who knew that both were single and wanted children. A courtship of sorts ensued, with strings of e-mails and endless phone calls. They met each other’s friends and families, and “decided to go for it,” said Mr. Weil, 46, director of marketing at the Jewish Museum in Manhattan. He said they spent the next few months trying to convince themselves they shouldn’t, “because it seemed crazy.” But Stella now spends one night a week with Mr. Weil and they plan to work up to more.
Mr. Weil believes this type of parenting arrangement is completely logical.
“When you think about the concept of the village, and how the village was part of child rearing for so many cultures for so many thousands of years, it makes total sense,” he said. “The idea that two people — let alone one person — would do it without the village is really nutty.”
But Elizabeth Marquardt, director of the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values, a nonpartisan advocacy group in New York, vehemently disagrees. “It’s a terrible idea, deliberately consigning a child to be raised in two different worlds, with parents who did not even attempt to form a loving bond with one another,” she wrote in an e-mail. “As children of divorce will tell you, it’s very difficult to grow up in two different worlds, with your parents each pursuing separate love lives that can be increasingly complex over the course of a childhood.”
Others say she is missing the point that parenting partnerships actually spare a child the future pain of divorce. “Certainly, from a research standpoint, I don’t think having a romantic relationship is necessary to have a good co-parenting relationship,” said Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan, an associate professor in the Ohio State University department of human sciences. “Research shows that if parents can have a warm, cooperative, co-parenting relationship, then that’s going to be positive for the child’s development.”
These types of partnerships also encourage people to strategize on a philosophy of child rearing ahead of time, which many traditional couples don’t do.
“That level of thoughtfulness really benefits kids — these are people who have thought about how do I want to raise a child, whom do I want to raise a child with — that can only be good for children,” said Jennifer Chrisler, executive director of Family Equality Council, a national advocacy organization. “We should all think that hard about how we are going to have our kids and what we’re going to do once they’re in the world. If everybody gave that kind of thought to having children, we’d probably have better outcomes.”
Of course, advance consideration will not anticipate all problems in such a relationship. Ms. Pieke, who introduces Mr. Blue as her “co-parent,” acknowledged that this arrangement was not necessarily enough during the postpartum wee hours.
“Fabian and I are not in a romantic relationship — there’s no confusion there,” she said. “But there is still that underlying thing that this is confusing, especially when you’re under one roof. This is a guy that fathered my child. I would get mad if he didn’t pick up on that or help me through those times. He was like, ‘What do you want me to do?’ We were completely out of our element.”
And no one would say finding a parenting partner online is easy. Alisha, a 43-year-old divorced piano teacher and mother of one in Lawrenceville, N.J., who did not want her last name used, researched several Web sites. In December, she joined Modamily, which costs $29.95 a month, and also offers a “personal concierge service” that makes live introductions, costing $149.95 for three months. She e-mailed a few men, but did not connect with anyone.
“We become super-critical — much more than if it was just a cup of coffee or a date,” she said, adding that she is considering having a second child with her ex-husband because “I already know that demon, I already know what’s there, even genetically.”
But Ms. Hope, who already has two children aged 22 and 4 from previous co-parenting relationships, said she had only met “desirable, accomplished men” while seeking her third, including a married man whose wife did not want another child but gave him her blessing to have one outside the marriage. (This is California, after all.)
Regarding her next partner, she said: “It’s about whether we can relate to each other, but also about being shrewd and making a really logical, rational decision for my future unborn children.”
Source: NYT
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A beneficial, inspirational article for all of us including the Federal & State level lawmakers
We all ought to know about these matters how they are in The U.S. and worldwide
Why Gender Equality Stalled
By Stephanie Coontz, Professor of family history at Evergreen State College
In February 16, 2013, is the 50th anniversary of the publication of Betty Friedan’s international best seller, “The Feminine Mystique,” which has been widely credited with igniting the women’s movement of the 1960s. Readers who return to this feminist classic today are often puzzled by the absence of concrete political proposals to change the status of women. But “The Feminine Mystique” had the impact it did because it focused on transforming women’s personal consciousness.
In 1963, most Americans did not yet believe that gender equality was possible or even desirable. Conventional wisdom held that a woman could not pursue a career and still be a fulfilled wife or successful mother. Normal women, psychiatrists proclaimed, renounced all aspirations outside the home to meet their feminine need for dependence. In 1962, more than two-thirds of the women surveyed by University of Michigan researchers agreed that most important family decisions “should be made by the man of the house.”
It was in this context that Friedan set out to transform the attitudes of women. Arguing that “the personal is political,” feminists urged women to challenge the assumption, at work and at home, that women should always be the ones who make the coffee, watch over the children, pick up after men and serve the meals.
Over the next 30 years this emphasis on equalizing gender roles at home as well as at work produced a revolutionary transformation in Americans’ attitudes. It was not instant. As late as 1977, two-thirds of Americans believed that it was “much better for everyone involved if the man is the achiever outside the home and the woman takes care of the home and family.” By 1994, two-thirds of Americans rejected this notion.
But during the second half of the 1990s and first few years of the 2000s, the equality revolution seemed to stall. Between 1994 and 2004, the percentage of Americans preferring the male breadwinner/female homemaker family model actually rose to 40 percent from 34 percent. Between 1997 and 2007, the number of full-time working mothers who said they would prefer to work part time increased to 60 percent from 48 percent. In 1997, a quarter of stay-at-home mothers said full-time work would be ideal. By 2007, only 16 percent of stay-at-home mothers wanted to work full time.
Women’s labor-force participation in the United States also leveled off in the second half of the 1990s, in contrast to its continued increase in most other countries. Gender desegregation of college majors and occupations slowed. And although single mothers continued to increase their hours of paid labor, there was a significant jump in the percentage of married women, especially married women with infants, who left the labor force. By 2004, a smaller percentage of married women with children under 3 were in the labor force than in 1993.
SOME people began to argue that feminism was not about furthering the equal involvement of men and women at home and work but simply about giving women the right to choose between pursuing a career and devoting themselves to full-time motherhood. A new emphasis on intensive mothering and attachment parenting helped justify the latter choice.
Anti-feminists welcomed this shift as a sign that most Americans did not want to push gender equality too far. And feminists, worried that they were seeing a resurgence of traditional gender roles and beliefs, embarked on a new round of consciousness-raising. Books with titles like “The Feminine Mistake” and “Get to Work” warned of the stiff penalties women paid for dropping out of the labor force, even for relatively brief periods. Cultural critics questioned the “Perfect Madness” of intensive mothering and helicopter parenting, noting the problems that resulted when, as Ms. Friedan had remarked about “housewifery,” mothering “expands to fill the time available.”
One study cautioned that nearly 30 percent of opt-out moms who wanted to rejoin the labor force were unable to do so, and of those who did return, only 40 percent landed full-time professional jobs. In “The Price of Motherhood,” the journalist Ann Crittenden estimated that the typical college-educated woman lost more than $1 million dollars in lifetime earnings and forgone retirement benefits after she opted out.
Other feminists worried that the equation of feminism with an individual woman’s choice to opt out of the work force undermined the movement’s commitment to a larger vision of gender equity and justice. Joan Williams, the founding director of the Center for WorkLife Law at the University of California’s Hastings College of the Law, argued that defining feminism as giving mothers the choice to stay home assumes that their partners have the responsibility to support them, and thus denies choice to fathers. The political theorist Lori Marso noted that emphasizing personal choice ignores the millions of women without a partner who can support them.
These are all important points. But they can sound pretty abstract to men and women who are stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to arranging their work and family lives. For more than two decades the demands and hours of work have been intensifying. Yet progress in adopting family-friendly work practices and social policies has proceeded at a glacial pace.
Today the main barriers to further progress toward gender equity no longer lie in people’s personal attitudes and relationships. Instead, structural impediments prevent people from acting on their egalitarian values, forcing men and women into personal accommodations and rationalizations that do not reflect their preferences. The gender revolution is not in a stall. It has hit a wall.
In today’s political climate, it’s startling to remember that 80 years ago, in 1933, the Senate overwhelmingly voted to establish a 30-hour workweek. The bill failed in the House, but five years later the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938 gave Americans a statutory 40-hour workweek. By the 1960s, American workers spent less time on the job than their counterparts in Europe and Japan.
Between 1990 and 2000, however, average annual work hours for employed Americans increased. By 2000, the United States had outstripped Japan — the former leader of the work pack — in the hours devoted to paid work. Today, almost 40 percent of men in professional jobs work 50 or more hours a week, as do almost a quarter of men in middle-income occupations. Individuals in lower-income and less-skilled jobs work fewer hours, but they are more likely to experience frequent changes in shifts, mandatory overtime on short notice, and nonstandard hours. And many low-income workers are forced to work two jobs to get by. When we look at dual-earner couples, the workload becomes even more daunting. As of 2000, the average dual-earner couple worked a combined 82 hours a week, while almost 15 percent of married couples had a joint workweek of 100 hours or more.
Astonishingly, despite the increased workload of families, and even though 70 percent of American children now live in households where every adult in the home is employed, in the past 20 years the United States has not passed any major federal initiative to help workers accommodate their family and work demands. The Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 guaranteed covered workers up to 12 weeks unpaid leave after a child’s birth or adoption or in case of a family illness. Although only about half the total work force was eligible, it seemed a promising start. But aside from the belated requirement of the new Affordable Care Act that nursing mothers be given a private space at work to pump breast milk, the F.M.L.A. turned out to be the inadequate end.
Meanwhile, since 1990 other nations with comparable resources have implemented a comprehensive agenda of “work-family reconciliation” acts. As a result, when the United States’ work-family policies are compared with those of countries at similar levels of economic and political development, the United States comes in dead last.
Out of nearly 200 countries studied by Jody Heymann, dean of the school of public health at the University of California, Los Angeles, and her team of researchers for their new book, “Children’s Chances,” 180 now offer guaranteed paid leave to new mothers, and 81 offer paid leave to fathers. They found that 175 mandate paid annual leave for workers, and 162 limit the maximum length of the workweek. The United States offers none of these protections.
A 1997 European Union directive prohibits employers from paying part-time workers lower hourly rates than full-time workers, excluding them from pension plans or limiting paid leaves to full-time workers. By contrast, American workers who reduce hours for family reasons typically lose their benefits and take an hourly wage cut.
Is it any surprise that American workers express higher levels of work-family conflict than workers in any of our European counterparts? Or that women’s labor-force participation has been overtaken? In 1990, the United States ranked sixth in female labor participation among 22 countries in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, which is made up of most of the globe’s wealthier countries. By 2010, according to an economic research paper by Cornell researchers Francine Blau and Lawrence Kahn, released last month, we had fallen to 17th place, with about 30 percent of that decline a direct result of our failure to keep pace with other countries’ family-friendly work policies. American women have not abandoned the desire to combine work and family. Far from it. According to the Pew Research Center, in 1997, 56 percent of women ages 18 to 34 and 26 percent of middle-aged and older women said that, in addition to having a family, being successful in a high-paying career or profession was “very important” or “one of the most important things” in their lives. By 2011, fully two-thirds of the younger women and 42 percent of the older ones expressed that sentiment.
Nor have men given up the ideal of gender equity. A 2011 study by the Center for Work and Family at Boston College found that 65 percent of the fathers they interviewed felt that mothers and fathers should provide equal amounts of caregiving for their children. And in a 2010 Pew poll, 72 percent of both women and men between 18 and 29 agreed that the best marriage is one in which husband and wife both work and both take care of the house.
BUT when people are caught between the hard place of bad working conditions and the rock wall of politicians’ resistance to family-friendly reforms, it is hard to live up to such aspirations. The Boston College study found that only 30 percent of the fathers who wanted to share child care equally with their wives actually did so, a gap that helps explain why American men today report higher levels of work-family conflict than women. Under the circumstances, how likely is it that the young adults surveyed by Pew will meet their goal of sharing breadwinning and caregiving?
The answer is suggested by the findings of the New York University sociologist Kathleen Gerson in the interviews she did for her 2010 book, “The Unfinished Revolution: Coming of Age in a New Era of Gender, Work, and Family.” Eighty percent of the women and 70 percent of the men Ms. Gerson interviewed said they wanted an egalitarian relationship that allowed them to share breadwinning and family care. But when asked what they would do if this was not possible, they described a variety of “fallback” positions. While most of the women wanted to continue paid employment, the majority of men said that if they could not achieve their egalitarian ideal they expected their partner to assume primary responsibility for parenting so they could focus on work.
And that is how it usually works out. When family and work obligations collide, mothers remain much more likely than fathers to cut back or drop out of work. But unlike the situation in the 1960s, this is not because most people believe this is the preferable order of things. Rather, it is often a reasonable response to the fact that our political and economic institutions lag way behind our personal ideals.
Women are still paid less than men at every educational level and in every job category. They are less likely than men to hold jobs that offer flexibility or family-friendly benefits. When they become mothers, they face more scrutiny and prejudice on the job than fathers do.
So, especially when women are married to men who work long hours, it often seems to both partners that they have no choice. Female professionals are twice as likely to quit work as other married mothers when their husbands work 50 hours or more a week and more than three times more likely to quit when their husbands work 60 hours or more.
The sociologist Pamela Stone studied a group of mothers who had made these decisions. Typically, she found, they phrased their decision in terms of a preference. But when they explained their “decision-making process,” it became clear that most had made the “choice” to quit work only as a last resort — when they could not get the flexible hours or part-time work they wanted, when their husbands would not or could not cut back their hours, and when they began to feel that their employers were hostile to their concerns. Under those conditions, Professor Stone notes, what was really a workplace problem for families became a private problem for women.
This is where the political gets really personal. When people are forced to behave in ways that contradict their ideals, they often undergo what sociologists call a “values stretch” — watering down their original expectations and goals to accommodate the things they have to do to get by. This behavior is especially likely if holding on to the original values would exacerbate tensions in the relationships they depend on.
In their years of helping couples make the transition from partners to parents, the psychologists Philip and Carolyn Cowan have found that tensions increase when a couple backslide into more traditional roles than they originally desired. The woman resents that she is not getting the shared child care she expected and envies her husband’s social networks outside the home. The husband feels hurt that his wife isn’t more grateful for the sacrifices he is making by working more hours so she can stay home. When you can’t change what’s bothering you, one typical response is to convince yourself that it doesn’t actually bother you. So couples often create a family myth about why they made these choices, why it has turned out for the best, and why they are still equal in their hearts even if they are not sharing the kind of life they first envisioned.
Under present conditions, the intense consciousness raising about the “rightness” of personal choices that worked so well in the early days of the women’s movement will end up escalating the divisive finger-pointing that stands in the way of political reform.
Our goal should be to develop work-life policies that enable people to put their gender values into practice. So let’s stop arguing about the hard choices women make and help more women and men avoid such hard choices. To do that, we must stop seeing work-family policy as a women’s issue and start seeing it as a human rights issue that affects parents, children, partners, singles and elders. Feminists should certainly support this campaign. But they don’t need to own it.
Source:
NYT & Stephanie Coontz is a professor of family history at Evergreen State College and the author of “A Strange Stirring: The Feminine Mystique and American Women at the Dawn of the 1960s.”
Click green for further info
_____________________________________________
We all ought to know about these matters how they are in The U.S. and worldwide
Why Gender Equality Stalled
By Stephanie Coontz, Professor of family history at Evergreen State College
In February 16, 2013, is the 50th anniversary of the publication of Betty Friedan’s international best seller, “The Feminine Mystique,” which has been widely credited with igniting the women’s movement of the 1960s. Readers who return to this feminist classic today are often puzzled by the absence of concrete political proposals to change the status of women. But “The Feminine Mystique” had the impact it did because it focused on transforming women’s personal consciousness.
In 1963, most Americans did not yet believe that gender equality was possible or even desirable. Conventional wisdom held that a woman could not pursue a career and still be a fulfilled wife or successful mother. Normal women, psychiatrists proclaimed, renounced all aspirations outside the home to meet their feminine need for dependence. In 1962, more than two-thirds of the women surveyed by University of Michigan researchers agreed that most important family decisions “should be made by the man of the house.”
It was in this context that Friedan set out to transform the attitudes of women. Arguing that “the personal is political,” feminists urged women to challenge the assumption, at work and at home, that women should always be the ones who make the coffee, watch over the children, pick up after men and serve the meals.
Over the next 30 years this emphasis on equalizing gender roles at home as well as at work produced a revolutionary transformation in Americans’ attitudes. It was not instant. As late as 1977, two-thirds of Americans believed that it was “much better for everyone involved if the man is the achiever outside the home and the woman takes care of the home and family.” By 1994, two-thirds of Americans rejected this notion.
But during the second half of the 1990s and first few years of the 2000s, the equality revolution seemed to stall. Between 1994 and 2004, the percentage of Americans preferring the male breadwinner/female homemaker family model actually rose to 40 percent from 34 percent. Between 1997 and 2007, the number of full-time working mothers who said they would prefer to work part time increased to 60 percent from 48 percent. In 1997, a quarter of stay-at-home mothers said full-time work would be ideal. By 2007, only 16 percent of stay-at-home mothers wanted to work full time.
Women’s labor-force participation in the United States also leveled off in the second half of the 1990s, in contrast to its continued increase in most other countries. Gender desegregation of college majors and occupations slowed. And although single mothers continued to increase their hours of paid labor, there was a significant jump in the percentage of married women, especially married women with infants, who left the labor force. By 2004, a smaller percentage of married women with children under 3 were in the labor force than in 1993.
SOME people began to argue that feminism was not about furthering the equal involvement of men and women at home and work but simply about giving women the right to choose between pursuing a career and devoting themselves to full-time motherhood. A new emphasis on intensive mothering and attachment parenting helped justify the latter choice.
Anti-feminists welcomed this shift as a sign that most Americans did not want to push gender equality too far. And feminists, worried that they were seeing a resurgence of traditional gender roles and beliefs, embarked on a new round of consciousness-raising. Books with titles like “The Feminine Mistake” and “Get to Work” warned of the stiff penalties women paid for dropping out of the labor force, even for relatively brief periods. Cultural critics questioned the “Perfect Madness” of intensive mothering and helicopter parenting, noting the problems that resulted when, as Ms. Friedan had remarked about “housewifery,” mothering “expands to fill the time available.”
One study cautioned that nearly 30 percent of opt-out moms who wanted to rejoin the labor force were unable to do so, and of those who did return, only 40 percent landed full-time professional jobs. In “The Price of Motherhood,” the journalist Ann Crittenden estimated that the typical college-educated woman lost more than $1 million dollars in lifetime earnings and forgone retirement benefits after she opted out.
Other feminists worried that the equation of feminism with an individual woman’s choice to opt out of the work force undermined the movement’s commitment to a larger vision of gender equity and justice. Joan Williams, the founding director of the Center for WorkLife Law at the University of California’s Hastings College of the Law, argued that defining feminism as giving mothers the choice to stay home assumes that their partners have the responsibility to support them, and thus denies choice to fathers. The political theorist Lori Marso noted that emphasizing personal choice ignores the millions of women without a partner who can support them.
These are all important points. But they can sound pretty abstract to men and women who are stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to arranging their work and family lives. For more than two decades the demands and hours of work have been intensifying. Yet progress in adopting family-friendly work practices and social policies has proceeded at a glacial pace.
Today the main barriers to further progress toward gender equity no longer lie in people’s personal attitudes and relationships. Instead, structural impediments prevent people from acting on their egalitarian values, forcing men and women into personal accommodations and rationalizations that do not reflect their preferences. The gender revolution is not in a stall. It has hit a wall.
In today’s political climate, it’s startling to remember that 80 years ago, in 1933, the Senate overwhelmingly voted to establish a 30-hour workweek. The bill failed in the House, but five years later the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938 gave Americans a statutory 40-hour workweek. By the 1960s, American workers spent less time on the job than their counterparts in Europe and Japan.
Between 1990 and 2000, however, average annual work hours for employed Americans increased. By 2000, the United States had outstripped Japan — the former leader of the work pack — in the hours devoted to paid work. Today, almost 40 percent of men in professional jobs work 50 or more hours a week, as do almost a quarter of men in middle-income occupations. Individuals in lower-income and less-skilled jobs work fewer hours, but they are more likely to experience frequent changes in shifts, mandatory overtime on short notice, and nonstandard hours. And many low-income workers are forced to work two jobs to get by. When we look at dual-earner couples, the workload becomes even more daunting. As of 2000, the average dual-earner couple worked a combined 82 hours a week, while almost 15 percent of married couples had a joint workweek of 100 hours or more.
Astonishingly, despite the increased workload of families, and even though 70 percent of American children now live in households where every adult in the home is employed, in the past 20 years the United States has not passed any major federal initiative to help workers accommodate their family and work demands. The Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 guaranteed covered workers up to 12 weeks unpaid leave after a child’s birth or adoption or in case of a family illness. Although only about half the total work force was eligible, it seemed a promising start. But aside from the belated requirement of the new Affordable Care Act that nursing mothers be given a private space at work to pump breast milk, the F.M.L.A. turned out to be the inadequate end.
Meanwhile, since 1990 other nations with comparable resources have implemented a comprehensive agenda of “work-family reconciliation” acts. As a result, when the United States’ work-family policies are compared with those of countries at similar levels of economic and political development, the United States comes in dead last.
Out of nearly 200 countries studied by Jody Heymann, dean of the school of public health at the University of California, Los Angeles, and her team of researchers for their new book, “Children’s Chances,” 180 now offer guaranteed paid leave to new mothers, and 81 offer paid leave to fathers. They found that 175 mandate paid annual leave for workers, and 162 limit the maximum length of the workweek. The United States offers none of these protections.
A 1997 European Union directive prohibits employers from paying part-time workers lower hourly rates than full-time workers, excluding them from pension plans or limiting paid leaves to full-time workers. By contrast, American workers who reduce hours for family reasons typically lose their benefits and take an hourly wage cut.
Is it any surprise that American workers express higher levels of work-family conflict than workers in any of our European counterparts? Or that women’s labor-force participation has been overtaken? In 1990, the United States ranked sixth in female labor participation among 22 countries in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, which is made up of most of the globe’s wealthier countries. By 2010, according to an economic research paper by Cornell researchers Francine Blau and Lawrence Kahn, released last month, we had fallen to 17th place, with about 30 percent of that decline a direct result of our failure to keep pace with other countries’ family-friendly work policies. American women have not abandoned the desire to combine work and family. Far from it. According to the Pew Research Center, in 1997, 56 percent of women ages 18 to 34 and 26 percent of middle-aged and older women said that, in addition to having a family, being successful in a high-paying career or profession was “very important” or “one of the most important things” in their lives. By 2011, fully two-thirds of the younger women and 42 percent of the older ones expressed that sentiment.
Nor have men given up the ideal of gender equity. A 2011 study by the Center for Work and Family at Boston College found that 65 percent of the fathers they interviewed felt that mothers and fathers should provide equal amounts of caregiving for their children. And in a 2010 Pew poll, 72 percent of both women and men between 18 and 29 agreed that the best marriage is one in which husband and wife both work and both take care of the house.
BUT when people are caught between the hard place of bad working conditions and the rock wall of politicians’ resistance to family-friendly reforms, it is hard to live up to such aspirations. The Boston College study found that only 30 percent of the fathers who wanted to share child care equally with their wives actually did so, a gap that helps explain why American men today report higher levels of work-family conflict than women. Under the circumstances, how likely is it that the young adults surveyed by Pew will meet their goal of sharing breadwinning and caregiving?
The answer is suggested by the findings of the New York University sociologist Kathleen Gerson in the interviews she did for her 2010 book, “The Unfinished Revolution: Coming of Age in a New Era of Gender, Work, and Family.” Eighty percent of the women and 70 percent of the men Ms. Gerson interviewed said they wanted an egalitarian relationship that allowed them to share breadwinning and family care. But when asked what they would do if this was not possible, they described a variety of “fallback” positions. While most of the women wanted to continue paid employment, the majority of men said that if they could not achieve their egalitarian ideal they expected their partner to assume primary responsibility for parenting so they could focus on work.
And that is how it usually works out. When family and work obligations collide, mothers remain much more likely than fathers to cut back or drop out of work. But unlike the situation in the 1960s, this is not because most people believe this is the preferable order of things. Rather, it is often a reasonable response to the fact that our political and economic institutions lag way behind our personal ideals.
Women are still paid less than men at every educational level and in every job category. They are less likely than men to hold jobs that offer flexibility or family-friendly benefits. When they become mothers, they face more scrutiny and prejudice on the job than fathers do.
So, especially when women are married to men who work long hours, it often seems to both partners that they have no choice. Female professionals are twice as likely to quit work as other married mothers when their husbands work 50 hours or more a week and more than three times more likely to quit when their husbands work 60 hours or more.
The sociologist Pamela Stone studied a group of mothers who had made these decisions. Typically, she found, they phrased their decision in terms of a preference. But when they explained their “decision-making process,” it became clear that most had made the “choice” to quit work only as a last resort — when they could not get the flexible hours or part-time work they wanted, when their husbands would not or could not cut back their hours, and when they began to feel that their employers were hostile to their concerns. Under those conditions, Professor Stone notes, what was really a workplace problem for families became a private problem for women.
This is where the political gets really personal. When people are forced to behave in ways that contradict their ideals, they often undergo what sociologists call a “values stretch” — watering down their original expectations and goals to accommodate the things they have to do to get by. This behavior is especially likely if holding on to the original values would exacerbate tensions in the relationships they depend on.
In their years of helping couples make the transition from partners to parents, the psychologists Philip and Carolyn Cowan have found that tensions increase when a couple backslide into more traditional roles than they originally desired. The woman resents that she is not getting the shared child care she expected and envies her husband’s social networks outside the home. The husband feels hurt that his wife isn’t more grateful for the sacrifices he is making by working more hours so she can stay home. When you can’t change what’s bothering you, one typical response is to convince yourself that it doesn’t actually bother you. So couples often create a family myth about why they made these choices, why it has turned out for the best, and why they are still equal in their hearts even if they are not sharing the kind of life they first envisioned.
Under present conditions, the intense consciousness raising about the “rightness” of personal choices that worked so well in the early days of the women’s movement will end up escalating the divisive finger-pointing that stands in the way of political reform.
Our goal should be to develop work-life policies that enable people to put their gender values into practice. So let’s stop arguing about the hard choices women make and help more women and men avoid such hard choices. To do that, we must stop seeing work-family policy as a women’s issue and start seeing it as a human rights issue that affects parents, children, partners, singles and elders. Feminists should certainly support this campaign. But they don’t need to own it.
Source:
NYT & Stephanie Coontz is a professor of family history at Evergreen State College and the author of “A Strange Stirring: The Feminine Mystique and American Women at the Dawn of the 1960s.”
Click green for further info
_____________________________________________
You may need this info - not many are aware of
Legal info relating to a name change based on a marriage
not only for the woman but also for the man if desired
Only a few states have made their marriage name change policy gender neutral
Nine states have laws that specifically allow also a man to change his name upon marriage:
California, New York, Hawaii, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Oregon, Iowa, Georgia and North Dakota
Florida has no law, although the DMV's website does not specify gender
When a state has no marriage name change policy law,
it can be understood either way: but the practice varies by state.
Contact your state marriage licence officials for info being available for either newly-wed spouses.
In all fifty states, a woman has the right
either to retain her maiden name, or to take her husband's surname upon marriage
In The U.S., roughly ninety percent of women still adopt their husband's name upon marriage
Currently, only nine of the fifty states have statutes that explicitly give a man the right to change his name upon marriage. There are some states, no doubt, that do not grant an explicit statutory right.
Legal info relating to a name change based on a marriage
not only for the woman but also for the man if desired
Only a few states have made their marriage name change policy gender neutral
Nine states have laws that specifically allow also a man to change his name upon marriage:
California, New York, Hawaii, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Oregon, Iowa, Georgia and North Dakota
Florida has no law, although the DMV's website does not specify gender
When a state has no marriage name change policy law,
it can be understood either way: but the practice varies by state.
Contact your state marriage licence officials for info being available for either newly-wed spouses.
In all fifty states, a woman has the right
either to retain her maiden name, or to take her husband's surname upon marriage
In The U.S., roughly ninety percent of women still adopt their husband's name upon marriage
Currently, only nine of the fifty states have statutes that explicitly give a man the right to change his name upon marriage. There are some states, no doubt, that do not grant an explicit statutory right.
Here the Florida story - Hsb changed his last name based on the marriage
and run in trouble - unnecessarily
Florida man's license restored as state drops fraud allegation
MIAMI (Reuters) - Florida's Department of Motor Vehicles said on Tuesday, 1/29/13, it had lifted the suspension of a South Florida man's driving license after it accused him of fraud for adopting his wife's last name.
"It was a mistake on our part," Florida DMV spokesperson Kirsten Olsen-Doolan said. "The suspension will be lifted."
The DMV stripped Boca Raton real estate investor Lazaro Dinh, 40, of his license in December after he changed his last name from Sopena to help his wife's Vietnamese family perpetuate their family surname.
His wife, Hanh Dinh, 32, has four sisters and came to the United States in 1990, after a family odyssey involving living in refugee camps and being separated from her father for seven years.
Lazaro Dinh was initially issued a new license with his wife's last name after presenting his 2011 marriage certificate at his local DMV office, just as newly married women are required to do when they adopt their husbands' names.
More than a year later, he received a letter from Florida's DMV accusing him of "obtaining a driving license by fraud" and advising him that his license would be suspended.
When he explained to the DMV that he was changing his name due to marriage, he was told "that only works for women," Dinh said. The suspension was upheld in an order issued on January 14, 2013 after a hearing in which Dinh produced his marriage certificate and a new U.S. passport with the updated name.
Olsen-Doolan said the DMV had spoken to Dinh to let him know that his license had been mistakenly suspended and "either a man or a woman can change their name" on their driving license.
"We are doing some training to make sure understand that it can be done either way," she added.
Dinh phoned Reuters to say he had been issued a new license on Tuesday after presenting his passport at a DMV office.
"I'm still bothered that it took so long and it took so much brain damage to fix. Now I want to change the law so it's clear for the next man."
Dinh's lawyer, Spencer Kuvin of Cohen & Kuvin in West Palm Beach, said that while it was unusual for a man to adopt his wife's name, Dinh's case raised important issues for the future of gay marriage.
Only a few states have made their marriage name change policy gender neutral, Kuvin said. Florida has no law, although the DMV's website does not specify gender.
According to Kuvin, nine states have laws that specifically allow a man to change his name upon marriage: California, New York, Hawaii, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Oregon, Iowa, Georgia and North Dakota.
__________________________________________________________
and run in trouble - unnecessarily
Florida man's license restored as state drops fraud allegation
MIAMI (Reuters) - Florida's Department of Motor Vehicles said on Tuesday, 1/29/13, it had lifted the suspension of a South Florida man's driving license after it accused him of fraud for adopting his wife's last name.
"It was a mistake on our part," Florida DMV spokesperson Kirsten Olsen-Doolan said. "The suspension will be lifted."
The DMV stripped Boca Raton real estate investor Lazaro Dinh, 40, of his license in December after he changed his last name from Sopena to help his wife's Vietnamese family perpetuate their family surname.
His wife, Hanh Dinh, 32, has four sisters and came to the United States in 1990, after a family odyssey involving living in refugee camps and being separated from her father for seven years.
Lazaro Dinh was initially issued a new license with his wife's last name after presenting his 2011 marriage certificate at his local DMV office, just as newly married women are required to do when they adopt their husbands' names.
More than a year later, he received a letter from Florida's DMV accusing him of "obtaining a driving license by fraud" and advising him that his license would be suspended.
When he explained to the DMV that he was changing his name due to marriage, he was told "that only works for women," Dinh said. The suspension was upheld in an order issued on January 14, 2013 after a hearing in which Dinh produced his marriage certificate and a new U.S. passport with the updated name.
Olsen-Doolan said the DMV had spoken to Dinh to let him know that his license had been mistakenly suspended and "either a man or a woman can change their name" on their driving license.
"We are doing some training to make sure understand that it can be done either way," she added.
Dinh phoned Reuters to say he had been issued a new license on Tuesday after presenting his passport at a DMV office.
"I'm still bothered that it took so long and it took so much brain damage to fix. Now I want to change the law so it's clear for the next man."
Dinh's lawyer, Spencer Kuvin of Cohen & Kuvin in West Palm Beach, said that while it was unusual for a man to adopt his wife's name, Dinh's case raised important issues for the future of gay marriage.
Only a few states have made their marriage name change policy gender neutral, Kuvin said. Florida has no law, although the DMV's website does not specify gender.
According to Kuvin, nine states have laws that specifically allow a man to change his name upon marriage: California, New York, Hawaii, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Oregon, Iowa, Georgia and North Dakota.
__________________________________________________________
Next below
Articles for more enjoyable
sex in your marriage
Provided by experienced sex counselors
___________
After them tens of other advice articles
for your happy family life,
for raising your children and
other important topics
_______
Articles for more enjoyable
sex in your marriage
Provided by experienced sex counselors
___________
After them tens of other advice articles
for your happy family life,
for raising your children and
other important topics
_______
Foreword
Better, more enjoyable sex starts with activities
showing daily love, respect & appreciation towards your spouse.
A weekly date night out (movies/restaurant+dancing/theater/opera/romantic overnight stay in a hotel) - children at home with a safe, competent guardian. A monthly 1 - 2 overnight trips further away with or without children (casino/camping summer time/another state/city etc.) Private time together away from home & from children, even just one evening, is an important marriage happiness builder.
When coming back home after your workday, greet each other "by the door". The one already in will "drop-everything-and-go" if possible & reasonable under the circumstances or at least inform where he/she is and state "coming in x sec./min." to meet and pay attention to the incomer". Give each other a 10 sec. hug and perhaps a 10-second kiss. Have your child/ren come to the door to meet and counting the 10-second kiss & hug. Train from early on the baby, the toddler & your teenager to greet and count.
It works - that will strengthen the family union
& gives a good example to the children when they get married.
The best gift any child can get is to grow up with 2 loving parents.
Some people do not like kissing but like hugging and otherwise showing their love with gentle, loving touches and holding hands & beautiful words. Discuss what you both like to avoid any activity your spouse does not enjoy.
Never assume, discuss to find out what your spouse likes and does not like.
Do only what both spouses accept and like.
When coming home perhaps you could bring something small to your spouse to show your appreciation
piece of chocolate, one flower, a self-made card, recite a brief love poem or only a few verses, etc.
and let your spouse know how much you missed her/him.
Perhaps you could use these quotations: click: Best Love Quotes
_______
____
7-Day plan to improve your marriage
Monday: Swap chores.
You know the way you despise the dinner dishes? Well, that's probably the way your husband feels about walking the dog, so make a trade and take on his busywork. Turns out, people in strong relationships spend time thinking about how to make life easier for each other. "A single thoughtful act sets the tone for more positive interactions," says Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, a marriage and family therapist and author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage. "It's that 'I've got your back, babe' attitude that gets couples through tough times."
Tuesday: Plan your weekend in advance.
But the week's barely started, you say. Exactly! "Pre-planning ensures that your to-do list won't hijack the whole weekend," says time-organizing expert Julie Morgenstern. Here's how to master errands: Write down what has to get done. Decide what you can do together and what you'll do solo, and make sure to set a hard deadline, so you'll know when the fun starts. Then plan date night! Ask your partner if there's a movie or a new restaurant or neighborhood he's been wanting to check out. "Get out of your routine--couples feel more alive when they try new experiences together," Weber says. Another plus? The anticipation will send a shot of excitement through your week.
Wednesday: Start early.
Set the alarm ahead 30 minutes, and before you even think about checking your email, focus on the person next to you. If you two get frisky, great. Or just have coffee together, preferably snuggled in bed. "Every day, couples need T&T--touch and talk--time that is just for and about them," O'Neill says, and doing it first thing guarantees it doesn't get shortchanged.
Thursday: Unplug!
No one is denying the appeal of Instagram or the cat-playing-the-piano video your colleague sent around. But you can't be plugged in and connected with your partner at the same time (unless you're both laughing at that cat). "With so many competing demands, couples often unintentionally tune one another out," Weber says. Instead, embrace your inner Luddite by turning off the machines and listening to each other. Just wait until you see how awesome your guy looks without the eerie blue glow from your laptop screen.
Related: 50 Simple Little Ways to Feel Sexy
Friday: Let a grudge go -- for good.
If there's anything that can clog the arteries of an otherwise happy coupling, it's resentment. And we don't mean get-your-socks-off-the-floor annoyances; we're talking about major disappointments or unresolved fights. "Often these incidents represent a important value, like trust, safety, teamwork, or inclusion," says Robert Navarra, Psy.D., a therapist who works with the Gottman Relationship Institute, where researchers study couples and marriages. Taking the steps to really let a grudge go will do your relationship a world of good. Achieve this mini miracle by "focusing on your feelings, without blaming your partner. Explain what the issue represents and means to you," Navarra says. "Then, ask for understanding." In return, promise not to bring the matter up again. Afterward, reward him by sharing one thing you really appreciate about him. "Relationships that stay happy in the long haul have a consistent history of positivity."
Saturday morning: Give each other some space.
What's that strange sound? Why, it's the delicious silence of being alone in your house. Ask him to head out for breakfast with the kids or run some errands so you can take at least 60 minutes for yourself. Will you marinate in the world's longest shower? Zumba your butt off? Or just stare at the ceiling with a blissed-out look on your face? We don't care! Just "be your own best caretaker," says Weber. "Looking out for yourself makes you a better partner." Plus, she says, "feeling good draws people to you." Just be sure to return the favor after your time's up.
Saturday evening: Go on your date...and let him be a blabbermouth.
There's a reason date night is so essential: It reminds you why the person you fell in love with is actually lovable. While you're out together, "listen attentively," Weber says. "Hang on his every word. Couples are happier and closer when they feel truly heard." Chances are your guy will be able to completely relax when he realizes he's got your full attention. He'll also be more likely to ask what's up with you and not zone out when you answer.
Sunday morning: Give a little bit.
Instead of lounging with the paper, use this morning to do something impactful together, like volunteering, mentoring, or cooking dinner for a less mobile neighbor. "Making a contribution helps couples build a healthy shared identity and feel a strong tie to each other," Weber explains. "By doing something meaningful, they also feel increased well-being about their relationship." Studies also show that giving back will leave you feeling more positive about the future--which leads to happy thoughts about each other.
Sunday evening: Play "Do you remember when...?"
Set aside some time to go through photos together. The medium doesn't really matter: an old album, your wedding video, even vacation pics from your Facebook feed. The point is to replay the good times. When you've gotten through the G-rated look-backs, advance to the NC-17 stuff--share your favorite memory of sex with him. Now do it one better, and call it a night.
Click green title - If the link is expired search the web with the title
Love Resolutions to Make for this week, for this month, for this year & for forever
25 Little Things He Loves About You
12 Things That Change About Sex When You Get Married
RELATED SEARCHES
click green title
________________________________
Better, more enjoyable sex starts with activities
showing daily love, respect & appreciation towards your spouse.
A weekly date night out (movies/restaurant+dancing/theater/opera/romantic overnight stay in a hotel) - children at home with a safe, competent guardian. A monthly 1 - 2 overnight trips further away with or without children (casino/camping summer time/another state/city etc.) Private time together away from home & from children, even just one evening, is an important marriage happiness builder.
When coming back home after your workday, greet each other "by the door". The one already in will "drop-everything-and-go" if possible & reasonable under the circumstances or at least inform where he/she is and state "coming in x sec./min." to meet and pay attention to the incomer". Give each other a 10 sec. hug and perhaps a 10-second kiss. Have your child/ren come to the door to meet and counting the 10-second kiss & hug. Train from early on the baby, the toddler & your teenager to greet and count.
It works - that will strengthen the family union
& gives a good example to the children when they get married.
The best gift any child can get is to grow up with 2 loving parents.
Some people do not like kissing but like hugging and otherwise showing their love with gentle, loving touches and holding hands & beautiful words. Discuss what you both like to avoid any activity your spouse does not enjoy.
Never assume, discuss to find out what your spouse likes and does not like.
Do only what both spouses accept and like.
When coming home perhaps you could bring something small to your spouse to show your appreciation
piece of chocolate, one flower, a self-made card, recite a brief love poem or only a few verses, etc.
and let your spouse know how much you missed her/him.
Perhaps you could use these quotations: click: Best Love Quotes
_______
____
7-Day plan to improve your marriage
Monday: Swap chores.
You know the way you despise the dinner dishes? Well, that's probably the way your husband feels about walking the dog, so make a trade and take on his busywork. Turns out, people in strong relationships spend time thinking about how to make life easier for each other. "A single thoughtful act sets the tone for more positive interactions," says Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, a marriage and family therapist and author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage. "It's that 'I've got your back, babe' attitude that gets couples through tough times."
Tuesday: Plan your weekend in advance.
But the week's barely started, you say. Exactly! "Pre-planning ensures that your to-do list won't hijack the whole weekend," says time-organizing expert Julie Morgenstern. Here's how to master errands: Write down what has to get done. Decide what you can do together and what you'll do solo, and make sure to set a hard deadline, so you'll know when the fun starts. Then plan date night! Ask your partner if there's a movie or a new restaurant or neighborhood he's been wanting to check out. "Get out of your routine--couples feel more alive when they try new experiences together," Weber says. Another plus? The anticipation will send a shot of excitement through your week.
Wednesday: Start early.
Set the alarm ahead 30 minutes, and before you even think about checking your email, focus on the person next to you. If you two get frisky, great. Or just have coffee together, preferably snuggled in bed. "Every day, couples need T&T--touch and talk--time that is just for and about them," O'Neill says, and doing it first thing guarantees it doesn't get shortchanged.
Thursday: Unplug!
No one is denying the appeal of Instagram or the cat-playing-the-piano video your colleague sent around. But you can't be plugged in and connected with your partner at the same time (unless you're both laughing at that cat). "With so many competing demands, couples often unintentionally tune one another out," Weber says. Instead, embrace your inner Luddite by turning off the machines and listening to each other. Just wait until you see how awesome your guy looks without the eerie blue glow from your laptop screen.
Related: 50 Simple Little Ways to Feel Sexy
Friday: Let a grudge go -- for good.
If there's anything that can clog the arteries of an otherwise happy coupling, it's resentment. And we don't mean get-your-socks-off-the-floor annoyances; we're talking about major disappointments or unresolved fights. "Often these incidents represent a important value, like trust, safety, teamwork, or inclusion," says Robert Navarra, Psy.D., a therapist who works with the Gottman Relationship Institute, where researchers study couples and marriages. Taking the steps to really let a grudge go will do your relationship a world of good. Achieve this mini miracle by "focusing on your feelings, without blaming your partner. Explain what the issue represents and means to you," Navarra says. "Then, ask for understanding." In return, promise not to bring the matter up again. Afterward, reward him by sharing one thing you really appreciate about him. "Relationships that stay happy in the long haul have a consistent history of positivity."
Saturday morning: Give each other some space.
What's that strange sound? Why, it's the delicious silence of being alone in your house. Ask him to head out for breakfast with the kids or run some errands so you can take at least 60 minutes for yourself. Will you marinate in the world's longest shower? Zumba your butt off? Or just stare at the ceiling with a blissed-out look on your face? We don't care! Just "be your own best caretaker," says Weber. "Looking out for yourself makes you a better partner." Plus, she says, "feeling good draws people to you." Just be sure to return the favor after your time's up.
Saturday evening: Go on your date...and let him be a blabbermouth.
There's a reason date night is so essential: It reminds you why the person you fell in love with is actually lovable. While you're out together, "listen attentively," Weber says. "Hang on his every word. Couples are happier and closer when they feel truly heard." Chances are your guy will be able to completely relax when he realizes he's got your full attention. He'll also be more likely to ask what's up with you and not zone out when you answer.
Sunday morning: Give a little bit.
Instead of lounging with the paper, use this morning to do something impactful together, like volunteering, mentoring, or cooking dinner for a less mobile neighbor. "Making a contribution helps couples build a healthy shared identity and feel a strong tie to each other," Weber explains. "By doing something meaningful, they also feel increased well-being about their relationship." Studies also show that giving back will leave you feeling more positive about the future--which leads to happy thoughts about each other.
Sunday evening: Play "Do you remember when...?"
Set aside some time to go through photos together. The medium doesn't really matter: an old album, your wedding video, even vacation pics from your Facebook feed. The point is to replay the good times. When you've gotten through the G-rated look-backs, advance to the NC-17 stuff--share your favorite memory of sex with him. Now do it one better, and call it a night.
Click green title - If the link is expired search the web with the title
Love Resolutions to Make for this week, for this month, for this year & for forever
25 Little Things He Loves About You
12 Things That Change About Sex When You Get Married
RELATED SEARCHES
click green title
________________________________
Article 1 of 2
Good to know information
6 Reasons Sex is Good for You
Click green for further info
Not that you need any reason to have sex, but these health benefits will justify the need to get a little dirty once in a while. Not only does it feel good, sex is really good for you overall.
1. It can make you look younger
We know that crazy, hot sex can make you feel younger, but did you know it can actually make you look younger?
One Scottish researcher claims that having sex three times a week can make you look up to ten years younger.
See the article 2 of 2 below.
2. It beats stress
A recent click: study of students at the State University of New York in Albany showed that semen acts as a good antidepressant. Next time you're feeling under the weather, get down with him, and we promise you'll get a good night's sleep.
3. It boosts self-esteem
In a University of Texas click: study, boosting self-esteem was one of the top reasons people have sex. Participants said the act often made them feel better about themselves and their bodies.
Related: Why You Shouldn't Have Sex on the First Date
According to a new study, sex on date # one can harm your relationship in the long run.
In a survey of 11,000 unmarried couples in steady relationships, those who waited to have sex were more likely to have better communication and stability in their relationships than couples who had sex in the first few weeks.
We don't really know why waiting to have sex can result in a better love life with your boo, but researchers think it could be that couples who have sex too early have higher expectations of how often they do it and they can lose interest in sex with that specific person over time. So next time you meet a guy, if you think you like him and might want to take it further, hold off just a little on the sex.
4. It cures migraines
A recent click: study in Germany showed that sex was successful in treating the migraines in 60 percent of people surveyed. Let's throw away our Ibuprofen, then.
5. It burns calories
Though we it doesn't burn as much as we thought (sex only burns about 21 calories on average), it's still an excuse for a quick workout before you go to bed. Plus, these findings are a little foggy, one personal trainer told that depending on the sex act, you can actually burn up to 440 calories.
"One reason so many American women are overweight may be that we are vacuuming and doing laundry less often," begins a New York Times (Click: article, "What Housework Has to Do With Waistlines.”
No, you did not just hop into Doc Brown’s DeLorean and travel back to 1963, when according to the study cited in the story, women spent an average of 25.7 hours a week cleaning, cooking, and washing mistress-lipstick off their husbands' shirts. Activities like these helped keep the women of decades past slim and sexy, say researchers. Sure, most of them didn’t have a college education, professional skills, or the means to earn their own money, but their waists! Tiny like miniature ponies.
Understandably, some women are irritated by the study’s implication that because we now spend a measly 13.3 hours a week logging housewife-like labor around our house, we're more fat-Betty Draper than skinny-Betty Draper. But the fact remains that we are burning 360 fewer calories a day than our grandmothers were.
The fact also remains that we are much more sexually liberated than our grandmothers, so rather than attempt to close that gap by hoovering your carpet, why not do it via hoovering your guy? .
6. It boosts immunity
According to a Wilkes University study, having sex once or twice a week has been linked to higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, or IgA, which can protect you from the common cold and other infections. Students who had sex once or twice a week showed higher levels of IgA than those who had less sex.
_________________________________________________
Good to know information
6 Reasons Sex is Good for You
Click green for further info
Not that you need any reason to have sex, but these health benefits will justify the need to get a little dirty once in a while. Not only does it feel good, sex is really good for you overall.
1. It can make you look younger
We know that crazy, hot sex can make you feel younger, but did you know it can actually make you look younger?
One Scottish researcher claims that having sex three times a week can make you look up to ten years younger.
See the article 2 of 2 below.
2. It beats stress
A recent click: study of students at the State University of New York in Albany showed that semen acts as a good antidepressant. Next time you're feeling under the weather, get down with him, and we promise you'll get a good night's sleep.
3. It boosts self-esteem
In a University of Texas click: study, boosting self-esteem was one of the top reasons people have sex. Participants said the act often made them feel better about themselves and their bodies.
Related: Why You Shouldn't Have Sex on the First Date
According to a new study, sex on date # one can harm your relationship in the long run.
In a survey of 11,000 unmarried couples in steady relationships, those who waited to have sex were more likely to have better communication and stability in their relationships than couples who had sex in the first few weeks.
We don't really know why waiting to have sex can result in a better love life with your boo, but researchers think it could be that couples who have sex too early have higher expectations of how often they do it and they can lose interest in sex with that specific person over time. So next time you meet a guy, if you think you like him and might want to take it further, hold off just a little on the sex.
4. It cures migraines
A recent click: study in Germany showed that sex was successful in treating the migraines in 60 percent of people surveyed. Let's throw away our Ibuprofen, then.
5. It burns calories
Though we it doesn't burn as much as we thought (sex only burns about 21 calories on average), it's still an excuse for a quick workout before you go to bed. Plus, these findings are a little foggy, one personal trainer told that depending on the sex act, you can actually burn up to 440 calories.
"One reason so many American women are overweight may be that we are vacuuming and doing laundry less often," begins a New York Times (Click: article, "What Housework Has to Do With Waistlines.”
No, you did not just hop into Doc Brown’s DeLorean and travel back to 1963, when according to the study cited in the story, women spent an average of 25.7 hours a week cleaning, cooking, and washing mistress-lipstick off their husbands' shirts. Activities like these helped keep the women of decades past slim and sexy, say researchers. Sure, most of them didn’t have a college education, professional skills, or the means to earn their own money, but their waists! Tiny like miniature ponies.
Understandably, some women are irritated by the study’s implication that because we now spend a measly 13.3 hours a week logging housewife-like labor around our house, we're more fat-Betty Draper than skinny-Betty Draper. But the fact remains that we are burning 360 fewer calories a day than our grandmothers were.
The fact also remains that we are much more sexually liberated than our grandmothers, so rather than attempt to close that gap by hoovering your carpet, why not do it via hoovering your guy? .
6. It boosts immunity
According to a Wilkes University study, having sex once or twice a week has been linked to higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, or IgA, which can protect you from the common cold and other infections. Students who had sex once or twice a week showed higher levels of IgA than those who had less sex.
_________________________________________________
10 Surprising Reasons You're Not in the Mood
Your meds are turning you off
Among the biggest culprits are pills taken for fibromyalgia pain and antidepressants, says Stephanie Faubion, director of the Mayo Women's Health Clinic in Rochester, MN.
"Antidepressants can cause difficulty with arousal and orgasm - it's like putting a big wet blanket over sexuality. .. Medications with hormones like estrogen, progesterone, and different types of birth control can also be heavy on the body, says Dr. Sadie Allison, founder of TickleKitty.com and author of Ride 'Em Cowgirl!
But, don't toss that bottle of pills just yet - and definitely don't do it on your own. Ask your doctor if there's an alternative, to reassess your need for that medication, or if she can decrease the dosage.
You're programmed to sneeze every two minutes If you, like some 50 million other Americans, suffer from allergies, you may never have felt worse. Sinus pressure, check. Congestion, check. Tired, check. Trouble focusing, check.
A study in Allergy and Asthma Proceedings found that a whopping 83 percent of allergy sufferers say their symptoms are affecting their sex life.
Dr. Faubion says this makes sense, and while you may not be able to magically banish tree pollen, you can grab a lubricant at the drugstore. Your antihistamines can cause vaginal dryness, so to enjoy sex, you'll need it.
If you recently embarked on a new eating plan,
extra weight isn't the only thing that'll disappear - your libido might as well.
"Any little thing can tilt your body out of whack, so it's important to be knowledgeable about what you're doing so you can keep your body stable and happy," says Dr. Sadie.
"For a healthy libido, you need to keep your whole body healthy so it can work properly on its own." Instead of opting for a fad diet, check in with your doctor and consider consulting a nutritionist to ensure your diet is balanced, healthy, and providing the nutrients you need to perform - in the bedroom and out.
Dreamland is calling your name
When you've had one of those days where all you've thought about is crawling back into bed, a roll in the hay with your guy probably isn't what you had in mind for the moment you hit the mattress.
"It's the 'heterosexual dilemma:' men feel like they need to have sex to relax, and women need to relax to have sex," says Dr. Faubion.
"For women, all of the ducks need to be lined up in a row, and if they're tired and have too many things on their mind, sex is going to be far down on the list." So what are you waiting for? Go to bed at reasonable hour so you'll be ready for a play date with your guy tomorrow.
Your stress levels are through the roof
Between your hectic work schedule, the kids' activities, and all of your household demands, you're so burnt out you can't even think about sex. "If you're preoccupied with the stresses of work and family, it's hard to get to that mood where you're feeling happy and relaxed," says Dr. Sadie.
"But, sex keeps your marital bond strong and closeness alive, making you more prone to successfully working through problems and challenges. Just push yourself to get into that space. You'll often find yourself having a good time once you're there."
You refilled your drink a few times too many
Men may have trouble performing after too many cold ones, but your sex drive isn't immune to the effects of alcohol, either. "It's a downer. If you think have a low libido, drinking too much will likely make you feel more tired. It can even make some people depressed," says Dr. Sadie. But that doesn't mean you can't split a bottle of vino with your hubby on date night. "Each person has to determine how much is too much for their body. If you're tired and unmotivated after three drinks, stop at one or two, knowing that third drink will cause you to have no interest in making love."
You and your husband are down each other's throats
If you two have been squabbling more often than usual, there's a good chance it's affecting your sex drive.
Poor communication in a relationship is almost always going to be a libido killer, says Dr. Sadie. "If you're not mentally attracted to someone or you don't feel like they're listening to you, you're not going to be that into him." Good old communication is the key to understanding your partner's needs - and upping physical and emotional closeness. Make an effort to work on your connection by getting adventurous with your date nights, which can help you rediscover your spark.
You're waging a battle with your weight
If you're suffering from an eating disorder, or your body weight is too high or too low, it's bound to take a toll. "An eating disorder can throw everything off, including your libido, but your mental state probably isn't sound right now either," says Dr. Sadie.
"Food issues are often connected to body image issues and low self-esteem." You might not feel attractive enough to take off your clothes, or deserving of making love. Start by talking to your partner about how you've been feeling lately, and find out more about how to get help at the National Eating Disorders Association.
After all these years, you're in a sex rut If you and your partner have been together for a long time, it's likely that you've both figured out how to get the other to the big O. But, if your guy's moves aren't delivering the results you're after - and you're not speaking up about it - your desire to have sex could be waning. Before you can convey the information to your partner, figure out what drives you wild. "Know what works best for you and be familiar enough with your own body so you can communicate that to a partner," says Dr. Faubion.
Technology is eating your (sex) life
Chances are your smartphone and iPad are getting more love from you these days than your guy is. Thanks to instant gratification through cell phones and the Internet, we've gotten pretty detached, says Dr. Sadie. "If you're not focused on connecting with your partner, how are you going to get your mind, libido, and soul working together to want to have sex?" So when the kids are asleep and it's time to wind down, flip the switch on your digital devices - that includes the TV - and take sometime to just talk.
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Your meds are turning you off
Among the biggest culprits are pills taken for fibromyalgia pain and antidepressants, says Stephanie Faubion, director of the Mayo Women's Health Clinic in Rochester, MN.
"Antidepressants can cause difficulty with arousal and orgasm - it's like putting a big wet blanket over sexuality. .. Medications with hormones like estrogen, progesterone, and different types of birth control can also be heavy on the body, says Dr. Sadie Allison, founder of TickleKitty.com and author of Ride 'Em Cowgirl!
But, don't toss that bottle of pills just yet - and definitely don't do it on your own. Ask your doctor if there's an alternative, to reassess your need for that medication, or if she can decrease the dosage.
You're programmed to sneeze every two minutes If you, like some 50 million other Americans, suffer from allergies, you may never have felt worse. Sinus pressure, check. Congestion, check. Tired, check. Trouble focusing, check.
A study in Allergy and Asthma Proceedings found that a whopping 83 percent of allergy sufferers say their symptoms are affecting their sex life.
Dr. Faubion says this makes sense, and while you may not be able to magically banish tree pollen, you can grab a lubricant at the drugstore. Your antihistamines can cause vaginal dryness, so to enjoy sex, you'll need it.
If you recently embarked on a new eating plan,
extra weight isn't the only thing that'll disappear - your libido might as well.
"Any little thing can tilt your body out of whack, so it's important to be knowledgeable about what you're doing so you can keep your body stable and happy," says Dr. Sadie.
"For a healthy libido, you need to keep your whole body healthy so it can work properly on its own." Instead of opting for a fad diet, check in with your doctor and consider consulting a nutritionist to ensure your diet is balanced, healthy, and providing the nutrients you need to perform - in the bedroom and out.
Dreamland is calling your name
When you've had one of those days where all you've thought about is crawling back into bed, a roll in the hay with your guy probably isn't what you had in mind for the moment you hit the mattress.
"It's the 'heterosexual dilemma:' men feel like they need to have sex to relax, and women need to relax to have sex," says Dr. Faubion.
"For women, all of the ducks need to be lined up in a row, and if they're tired and have too many things on their mind, sex is going to be far down on the list." So what are you waiting for? Go to bed at reasonable hour so you'll be ready for a play date with your guy tomorrow.
Your stress levels are through the roof
Between your hectic work schedule, the kids' activities, and all of your household demands, you're so burnt out you can't even think about sex. "If you're preoccupied with the stresses of work and family, it's hard to get to that mood where you're feeling happy and relaxed," says Dr. Sadie.
"But, sex keeps your marital bond strong and closeness alive, making you more prone to successfully working through problems and challenges. Just push yourself to get into that space. You'll often find yourself having a good time once you're there."
You refilled your drink a few times too many
Men may have trouble performing after too many cold ones, but your sex drive isn't immune to the effects of alcohol, either. "It's a downer. If you think have a low libido, drinking too much will likely make you feel more tired. It can even make some people depressed," says Dr. Sadie. But that doesn't mean you can't split a bottle of vino with your hubby on date night. "Each person has to determine how much is too much for their body. If you're tired and unmotivated after three drinks, stop at one or two, knowing that third drink will cause you to have no interest in making love."
You and your husband are down each other's throats
If you two have been squabbling more often than usual, there's a good chance it's affecting your sex drive.
Poor communication in a relationship is almost always going to be a libido killer, says Dr. Sadie. "If you're not mentally attracted to someone or you don't feel like they're listening to you, you're not going to be that into him." Good old communication is the key to understanding your partner's needs - and upping physical and emotional closeness. Make an effort to work on your connection by getting adventurous with your date nights, which can help you rediscover your spark.
You're waging a battle with your weight
If you're suffering from an eating disorder, or your body weight is too high or too low, it's bound to take a toll. "An eating disorder can throw everything off, including your libido, but your mental state probably isn't sound right now either," says Dr. Sadie.
"Food issues are often connected to body image issues and low self-esteem." You might not feel attractive enough to take off your clothes, or deserving of making love. Start by talking to your partner about how you've been feeling lately, and find out more about how to get help at the National Eating Disorders Association.
After all these years, you're in a sex rut If you and your partner have been together for a long time, it's likely that you've both figured out how to get the other to the big O. But, if your guy's moves aren't delivering the results you're after - and you're not speaking up about it - your desire to have sex could be waning. Before you can convey the information to your partner, figure out what drives you wild. "Know what works best for you and be familiar enough with your own body so you can communicate that to a partner," says Dr. Faubion.
Technology is eating your (sex) life
Chances are your smartphone and iPad are getting more love from you these days than your guy is. Thanks to instant gratification through cell phones and the Internet, we've gotten pretty detached, says Dr. Sadie. "If you're not focused on connecting with your partner, how are you going to get your mind, libido, and soul working together to want to have sex?" So when the kids are asleep and it's time to wind down, flip the switch on your digital devices - that includes the TV - and take sometime to just talk.
__________________________________________
5 More Things Wrecking Your Sex Life
Is your hot and steamy love life feeling more lukewarm these days? You might think you're doing everything right, but there are sneaky sensual snafus, confusion or chaos that could be destroying your sex life. While most of them are easily fixed or avoided, you need to identify where you went (or are going) wrong. These five things could be ruining your sex life, so sit down, read up and get ready to light that fire once again.
1. Getting Grossed Out - Let's face it - the human body doesn't always produce the sexiest smells, areas of hair or secretions. If you flinch at the hint of a little B.O. down there, an untrimmed bikini line or the thought of bodily fluids touching you anywhere, you could be turning your partner off, or even worse, offending him or her.
There are a few ways you can overcome the "ick" factor - only have intercourse in or right after a shower, turn the lights off to avoid looking at things you don't like and keep plenty of towels or tissues on hand for liquid mishaps. Remember, sex is messy, so you should work on embracing the fact that you're going to get sweaty, squished and crumpled, and move on.
2. Being Afraid to Experiment - Instead of laughing in his or her face the next time your partner suggests a sexy cowgirl getup or edible underwear, give it a try. You could find it silly, but it may increase the pleasure your partner experiences and rejecting him or her could kill the mood. Unless it's something you morally object to or might cause you harm, go for it. Who knows -- you might even discover that being "Nurse Betty" is your thing.
3. Not Knowing What You Want - If you don't know what buttons to push or what gets you in mood, it can be nearly impossible for your partner to do so. If you have a hard time reaching orgasm, spend some time solo exploring yourself and experimenting with toys to learn what works for you. Pay attention during sex and take a mental note of what moves or positions you like best and what you dislike. Plan a lesson for your dude and see if he does his homework.
4. Being Embarrassed - What woman hasn't almost screamed in horror when looking at her thighs in the mirror, or had an absolute mental breakdown when passing gas in front of someone? When these things happen in the bedroom, it can feel like the end of the world. It's important to realize that once men turn on their sex-brain, very little can turn it off.
They are so focused on wanting you and getting down to the dirty deed that they're unlikely to be fazed or even notice that little jiggle under your arm or that you forgot to do laundry and are wearing your granny panties. Sometimes the human body will get the best of you, and your period will start early or you may let out a noise closer to a "moo" than a moan. Laugh it off instead of freaking out, and your man will too. If you're so focused on what he could notice, you won't be able to enjoy the task at hand.
5. Falling Into a Boring Routine - Do you have a standing calendar appointment for getting naughty? While it's important to make time in your schedules for sex, arranging a set day and time for it is one of the quickest ways to squash your sex life. Not only is it boring, but you also may find that you aren't in the mood at that time or have to "cancel" your appointment and wait a whole week for the opportunity again.
Come home early from work and greet your partner at the door in lingerie or arrange for a sexy night under the stars and camp out in the backyard. Anything out of the ordinary, even if it may seem simple, can pump up the pleasure factor.
It doesn't matter if you've been married for decades or just started seeing someone, these phobias, fears and oversights can begin to cause serious problems for your relationship if not addressed. If you can relate to one or more of these sexual slip-ups, there are things you can do to turn your situation around and get back in the saddle.
Spend time looking at yourself in the mirror or photographs of yourself and focusing on the things you see that you like. The more comfortable you are with your own body, the more you can relax during sex. Talk to your partner. Most men aren't mind readers, and if you're struggling with a sexual issue, he may not notice until you tell him. Be open and honest about what you are feeling, what you want, what you dislike and how you can both work together to improve the situation.
If these issues seriously affect your relationship or marriage in a negative manner and you cannot seem to tackle the problem on your own, consider professional help. Modern sex therapists are a far cry from Dr. Ruth and can work with you discreetly to improve your bedroom bumbles, and, in turn, the health of your relationship.
Not sure where to start? Stumped on new ideas? Visit a sex shop or rent an adult video to get new ideas and supplies for experimenting. Nothing should be off limits.
Don't worry if you experience a sexual slump. It's normal for couples to go through different stages of sexual enjoyment and frequency. By recognizing that there is a problem, you can be more proactive and tackle it head on.
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Does your man make these classic, bedroom errors?
Click green for further info
There are a lot of misconceptions about sex and sexuality, particularly when it comes to women. Understandably, men might be confused.
Unfortunately, many men end up misinformed about how to please their female partners. As a therapist with more than 25 years of experience, I know that many women endure unsatisfying sex lives without speaking up. And, in fairness to all the great men out there, if women don't start talking, how are men supposed to know what to do?
Sure, there are many great lovers out there and there are no rules that apply to everyone. Still, there are some basic ground rules that apply to most women. So, in the spirit of helping couples have better sex and better relationships, here are the top five mistakes men make in bed and what they can do differently:
1. Assuming that women do not have the same sex drive as men. Don't believe for a minute that women don't like sex or want sex as much as men. While there are certainly individual differences with both genders, women love sex and want sex.
They just don't want bad sex. So if your girlfriend or wife is turning you down, the first thing to ask is how can you make it better for her, not how you can get her to take better care of satisfying your sexual needs.
2. Heading straight for her genitals. A woman enjoys the pleasure of her entire body being touched and caressed. She enjoys being kissed and seduced. She especially enjoys feeling the anticipation of finally arriving "down there." Take the time to work your way slowly down a woman's entire body.
By the time you reach her clitoris, she will be in heaven. Don't rush foreplay. Make sure you enjoy the journey as well; a woman knows when her man loves and appreciates every inch of her body. Nothing turns on a woman more than knowing her man is turned on by touching, caressing and (click) kissing her everywhere!
Does your man make these classic, bedroom errors?
3. Treating her clitoris like a penis. A woman's body is different from that of a man. Don't try to treat her genitals like you treat your own. Find out what kinds of touch feel best. Take your time so she does not feel rushed. Don't move on to intercourse too quickly.
Most women enjoy orgasms via clitoral stimulation before vaginal penetration. Of course, that does not mean a woman can't enjoy another orgasm during intercourse — but remember, every woman is different — some have vaginal orgasms and some don't.
4. Beginning and ending foreplay as quickly as possible in the bedroom. Foreplay goes on 24/7 for a woman. The more attentive you are to her overall needs, the more connected she feels. The more connected she feels, the more responsive she will be to sexual advances.
So if your mate is tired from a long day and you are in the mood for sex, run a nice hot bath for her, put the kids to bed and I promise, that tired "leave me alone" mood will shift. Nurturing your woman is the best aphrodisiac you can find. Be a great partner to your mate and your mate will be a great lover in return.
5. Doing sex "your way." Most men take the lead in sexual encounters. And for some, even when a woman does take the initiative to do sex differently (her way), she is redirected to how he wants it. Sometimes this can be a match and sometimes it is not. Don't assume just because you saw a woman moan on a porn site that this is what your woman will enjoy.
Women don't want to feel like they have to look and act like porn stars. They may love what you love and they may prefer something different. Women tend to have their own preferences on how they like to have sex. Make sure you find out what pleases your mate.
Let her run the show from time to time. Make sure her needs are being met. Create a safe space from which to try different things and create an intimate connection. Hot sex, tender sex and anything in-between is all great sex when it comes from a place of love and intimacy.
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5 Common Mistakes Women Make in Bedroom
This article is written by a woman in a LIGHTER style
After this article another one written by an M.D.
1. DEAD FISH
The most common complaint I hear from men about women when it comes to sex is that some of them just lay there. They expect a man to just, in the words of Celie, “climb on top of me and do his bid’ness.” Ladies, please say it isn’t so!
Now if this is you, let me be clear: he ain’t coming back if you just roll over and play dead. Unless there is some physical challenge you have that keeps you from moving your hips, then MOVE! If you’re not sure what to do, pretend like you’re dancing, find his rhythm and then match it. Now, if he’s a jack rabbit, that may be hard to do…and he’s probably not concerned if you’re not moving anyway because he’s moving too fast for the both of you. But if he’s got a nice, smooth, sensual flow going, then go with him! Don’t just assume that your pretty face and hot body are enough to keep him interested sexually, because if you’re just lying there, it won’t matter. He’ll never come back for more.
2. SILENCE
If simply laying there motionless is bad, laying there silently is even worse. Men like to know that they’re pleasing you and their egos can’t handle you lying there without so much as even giving them a grunt or a moan or something. He’ll be thinking, “I wonder if she’d rather be watching TV?” Maybe you are laying there wondering when he’ll be finished, but that’s when it’s really your turn to speak up. If you’re not satisfied sexually, tell him what you like and either show or explain to him how to do it. There is no excuse for any grown woman to not be getting hers sexually, so if he’s wack in bed, you are partly to blame if you don’t speak up. Believe it or not, most men welcome – and are turned on – by a little guidance and direction. By not giving him any feedback, you’re just allowing him to think he’s doing something, and you’re short changing yourself in the process. It’s not about criticizing him, it’s about telling him what pleases you so that you both have a great experience.
3. BODY ISSUES
If you are unhappy with your body and are self conscious about your love handles, pooches or droopy breasts, he will probably feel weird too and that’s not hot. Don’t be one of those women who has sex with the lights out or under the covers so that he can’t see you; own your body and embrace your imperfections. If you can’t do that, then do something about it. Hit the gym, eat right and boost your self esteem so that you don’t carry your body issues into the bedroom with you. Chances are you’re probably not really “hiding” anything anyway so if he already wants to have sex with you, he already knows what you’re working with. How you carry yourself is what makes you attractive, so work what you’ve got with confidence and rock his world!
4. IGNORING THE REST OF HIS BODY
While it may seem that the only part of a man’s body that needs pleasing is between his legs, men have other erogenous zones as well – and he wants you to pay extra attention to them. Guess what ? Men have nipples too, and they are just as sensitive as ours when it comes to hot spots. So pinch them, kiss them, lick them. Take a trip around his body and explore a little bit. Ask him to show you his favorite spots and then tease him during 4play. Yes, that’s right…I said 4play. It isn’t just for us, it’s for him too. We wouldn’t want a man to just focus on our woman space, so do the same for him. Now if your man is the “get straight to business” type, then by all means, ignore everything I just wrote. But I’m willing to bet he’ll enjoy you wandering around his body a little bit longer before going in. Literally and figuratively.
5. TEETH
If your man is lucky enough to be blessed with oral pleasure, remember rule number one: NO TEETH. Even if they just “graze” him, that could make for a very unpleasant experience. Unless you have dentures, you can’t take them out, so I realize teeth-to-skin contact might be a hard thing to avoid. It simply may take practice, but just be careful. You’re handling delicate man parts when engaging in 0-ral sex, so treat it like ice cream, not a hot dog. And if you have fangs or braces, take EXTRA care…no scraping allowed.
Ladies, go back and correct these things. If you are not guilty of any of these things, continue to avoid them.
___________________________________
This article is written by a woman in a LIGHTER style
After this article another one written by an M.D.
1. DEAD FISH
The most common complaint I hear from men about women when it comes to sex is that some of them just lay there. They expect a man to just, in the words of Celie, “climb on top of me and do his bid’ness.” Ladies, please say it isn’t so!
Now if this is you, let me be clear: he ain’t coming back if you just roll over and play dead. Unless there is some physical challenge you have that keeps you from moving your hips, then MOVE! If you’re not sure what to do, pretend like you’re dancing, find his rhythm and then match it. Now, if he’s a jack rabbit, that may be hard to do…and he’s probably not concerned if you’re not moving anyway because he’s moving too fast for the both of you. But if he’s got a nice, smooth, sensual flow going, then go with him! Don’t just assume that your pretty face and hot body are enough to keep him interested sexually, because if you’re just lying there, it won’t matter. He’ll never come back for more.
2. SILENCE
If simply laying there motionless is bad, laying there silently is even worse. Men like to know that they’re pleasing you and their egos can’t handle you lying there without so much as even giving them a grunt or a moan or something. He’ll be thinking, “I wonder if she’d rather be watching TV?” Maybe you are laying there wondering when he’ll be finished, but that’s when it’s really your turn to speak up. If you’re not satisfied sexually, tell him what you like and either show or explain to him how to do it. There is no excuse for any grown woman to not be getting hers sexually, so if he’s wack in bed, you are partly to blame if you don’t speak up. Believe it or not, most men welcome – and are turned on – by a little guidance and direction. By not giving him any feedback, you’re just allowing him to think he’s doing something, and you’re short changing yourself in the process. It’s not about criticizing him, it’s about telling him what pleases you so that you both have a great experience.
3. BODY ISSUES
If you are unhappy with your body and are self conscious about your love handles, pooches or droopy breasts, he will probably feel weird too and that’s not hot. Don’t be one of those women who has sex with the lights out or under the covers so that he can’t see you; own your body and embrace your imperfections. If you can’t do that, then do something about it. Hit the gym, eat right and boost your self esteem so that you don’t carry your body issues into the bedroom with you. Chances are you’re probably not really “hiding” anything anyway so if he already wants to have sex with you, he already knows what you’re working with. How you carry yourself is what makes you attractive, so work what you’ve got with confidence and rock his world!
4. IGNORING THE REST OF HIS BODY
While it may seem that the only part of a man’s body that needs pleasing is between his legs, men have other erogenous zones as well – and he wants you to pay extra attention to them. Guess what ? Men have nipples too, and they are just as sensitive as ours when it comes to hot spots. So pinch them, kiss them, lick them. Take a trip around his body and explore a little bit. Ask him to show you his favorite spots and then tease him during 4play. Yes, that’s right…I said 4play. It isn’t just for us, it’s for him too. We wouldn’t want a man to just focus on our woman space, so do the same for him. Now if your man is the “get straight to business” type, then by all means, ignore everything I just wrote. But I’m willing to bet he’ll enjoy you wandering around his body a little bit longer before going in. Literally and figuratively.
5. TEETH
If your man is lucky enough to be blessed with oral pleasure, remember rule number one: NO TEETH. Even if they just “graze” him, that could make for a very unpleasant experience. Unless you have dentures, you can’t take them out, so I realize teeth-to-skin contact might be a hard thing to avoid. It simply may take practice, but just be careful. You’re handling delicate man parts when engaging in 0-ral sex, so treat it like ice cream, not a hot dog. And if you have fangs or braces, take EXTRA care…no scraping allowed.
Ladies, go back and correct these things. If you are not guilty of any of these things, continue to avoid them.
___________________________________
6 Sex Mistakes Women Make
An M.D. explains the 6 biggest sex mistakes women make
and reasons why women make them
Ladies, be honest: when your sex life becomes a little humdrum, out comes the mental catalogue of all the ways your partner isn’t quite measuring up. Guys tend to get a bad rap when it comes to understanding women’s bodies and what turns us on, making them easy targets in the blame game when sexual satisfaction starts to wane. And sure, they make their fair share of bedroom errors. But as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. As it turns out, top sex and relationship experts say that women make plenty of sex mistakes of their own. Here’s what they have to say about the six most common mistakes women make in the bedroom and what you can do to get the satisfaction you so rightly deserve.
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Sex Mistake #1: Not Initiating Sex With Your Partner
Many of us worry about ladylike behavior. We don’t want to appear pushy or come on too strong for fear of being labeled aggressive. According to Les Parrot, professor of psychology at Seattle Pacific University and author of a new book called Crazy Good Sex, failing to initiate sex is one of the biggest mistakes women make.
“Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship,” he says. Generally, men want to be pursued by their partners just as much as women do.
Holding onto outdated ideas about sex roles also inhibits satisfaction with oursexual relationships, says "Dr. Ruth," aka Ruth Westheimer, PhD, a psychosexual therapist, professor at New York University, and lecturer at Yale and Princeton universities. “They used to think that women are less interested in sexual activity and I don’t want to say that anymore. I think there are women who are as interested in sex [as men].”
Show your interest by taking the first step from time to time. Your partner will likely appreciate it, and you may find a new level of satisfaction in taking responsibility for your sexual experience, something Westheimer feels strongly women must do.
Sex Mistake #2: Worrying About What You Look Like
Thinking about how you look during sex stops you from enjoying yourself and ruins your chances of achieving an orgasm.
“Don’t think about the fat on your belly or the makeup on your face,” advises Westheimer. “Concentrate on the pleasure of the act. You must give yourself permission to have an orgasm.”
“Men want their wives to abandon themselves in sex play, and that’s not likely if she is anxious about her physical concerns,” Parrott says.
Helen Fisher, PhD, a cultural anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of a new book called Why Him, Why Her, says men don’t notice half the things women obsess about anyway.
“It’s amazing what men don’t notice if you’re enthusiastic, energetic, interested in them, and flexible minded.”
According to Fisher, there is an evolutionary explanation for the selective blindness men show to our physical flaws. For Darwinian reasons, says Fisher, men are (unconsciously, of course) looking for women who are able to bear healthy babies. Starting millions of years ago, men who attracted fertile women and had a lot of children lived on. Those who couldn’t died out. Although maybe not as necessary today, Fisher says that primal survival mechanism lives on.
“Men are much more attracted to women who show signs of health and youth andfertility. Rather than worry about the shape of your waist and hips, worry about your energy level and enthusiasm and interest in him,” Fisher advises.
Sex Mistake #3: Assuming Sex Is Casual for a ManWestheimer believes we should all let go of old-fashioned notions, such as women are not sexual or that sex is just sex to men. “For some men, sex is a very important act. Don’t minimize it.”
The research, says Parrott, supports the idea that both men and women find sexual intimacy in the context of a committed relationship to be more satisfying.
“Numerous research studies make it very clear that the people who have the best quality and most frequent sex are married couples. That says a lot about the inadequacies of ‘casual sex,” Parrot says.
In a study being conducted by Fisher and her colleagues of university students engaging in one-night stands, the numbers show that men are just as serious aboutsex and relationships as women. In fact, more than 50% of women and 52% of men who went into a one-night stand, according to Fisher, reported that they did so hoping to create a longer relationship. One-third of them actually did so. What’s the lesson?
“Never assume that a man is not romantic,” Fisher says. “Two huge mistakes in this culture are that women are not sexual and that men are not as romantic [as women].”
Sex Mistake #4: Believing He’s Always Up for Sex
Sure, most teenage boys are ready and willing just about any time you ask, but not true for men. The pressures of everyday life -- family, work, bills -- can zap a man’s libido. This comes as a big surprise to many women, and often his lack of interest in sex is something we take personally.
“It comes as such a shock [to women] that they just don’t believe it,” Fisher says about the reaction many women have when their partner says they aren’t in the mood for sex. “They know themselves that they are not always interested in sex but they still love the man. But when they discover he doesn’t want to have sex, they think, ‘he doesn’t love me.’ Not true. He just doesn’t want to have sex.”
Sex Mistake #5: Not Giving Him Guidance
Talking very directly about sex, what we like and don’t like can make us feel uncomfortable, even with a partner we’ve been with for a long time and otherwise feel close to, says Parrott. But it’s the only way to achieve a satisfying sexual relationship.
“A woman must take responsibility for her sexual encounter,” says Westheimer. “No man can bring a woman to orgasm if she doesn’t take responsibility for her sexual experience. Even the best lover can’t know what she needs without her letting him know.”
The good news, according to Fisher, is that men very much want to please women.
“If you can tell them in a way that doesn’t kill their ego, they will appreciate it,” says Fisher. She advises women to sandwich what they don’t like in between five things they do, because he’s listening. “You won’t find out until the next time you’re in bed with him. But men do listen, particularly if you’re quite clear about it.”
Sex Mistake #6: Getting Upset When He Suggests Something New
After a couple has been together for a while, it’s natural to want to spice things up with a little variety. Just because your man wants to try something new doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with you or your sex life. In short: Don’t take it personally.
Still, it’s important that you tune into your comfort zone says Parrott.
“Nobody should ever feel obligated to do something they don’t want to do in the personal and intimate area of sexuality,” Parrott says. “If your man asks you about trying something that’s outside of your morals, make it clear that it’s off limits for you and explain why. Of course, do this in a loving way as best you can. If it is something that is not really a moral issue for you but you still don’t want to, again explain why. If it is a simply a startling request and you’re initially uneasy about it, try not to overreact. Instead, let him know you need some time to think about it.”
Click: Slideshow: 13 Common Sex-Drive Killers
____________________________________________________
- STAF, Inc.'s editors are working in this article
- Meanwhile click the links below
- Sex: 7 Mistakes Men Make - WebMD Men's Health Center
men.webmd.com/guide/7-sex-mistakes-men-make
Sex mistakes made by men who have sex with women are explained by experts. ...the hard way, three well-known sex educators tell you how to avoid the most common sex mistakes men make with women. .... Men's Biggest Bedroom Worries ...
6 Mistakes Men Make in Marriage - WebMD Men's Health Center
men.webmd.com/features/marriage-mistakes-men
WebMD discusses six common mistakes men make in marriage and how ... In thebedroom, some men forget -- or, worse, haven't figured out -- that their wives ...
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STAF, Inc. has for over 25 years experience in international research
(1) how to stay happily married, (2) how to heal a troubled or a broken
marriage and (3) how to help the children to avoid disasters
In addition to our own wide research work we introduce also other professionals research results and opinions to widen everyone's horizons.
When it comes to STAF, Inc.'s seminars, workshops, publications, or private services they all have something unique in common: (1) the purpose of the learning material or (2) the private service is somehow guaranteed to provide the aimed results.
E.g., all STAF, Inc.'s private marriage & family services have unique double guarantee:
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No one anywhere dares giving a similar guarantee.
Additional details in STAF, Inc.'s extensive website in this tab and other related tabs.
STAF, Inc. provides you exact details how to create a happy relationship, how to
keep your heavenly happiness alive in your marriage, how to avoid failure, how not
to fall as the prey for a divorce devil, and how to save your children from
life-destroying disasters
Apply all advice in full together with your spouse
Quotation "Knowledge is no power - only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.)
___________________
Below interesting details from happy couple research - STAF, Inc.'s editors placed the material just below because we
agree almost with every detail - all keys to marriage happiness are fully given by STAF, Inc.'s specialists in this tab.
Apply the information you find in this STAF, Inc.'s extensive website
Quotation "Knowledge is no power - only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.)
__________
STAF, Inc. has for over 25 years experience in international research
(1) how to stay happily married, (2) how to heal a troubled or a broken
marriage and (3) how to help the children to avoid disasters
In addition to our own wide research work we introduce also other professionals research results and opinions to widen everyone's horizons.
When it comes to STAF, Inc.'s seminars, workshops, publications, or private services they all have something unique in common: (1) the purpose of the learning material or (2) the private service is somehow guaranteed to provide the aimed results.
E.g., all STAF, Inc.'s private marriage & family services have unique double guarantee:
(1) a lifetime result-guarantee (2) with only a one-time fee.
No one anywhere dares giving a similar guarantee.
Additional details in STAF, Inc.'s extensive website in this tab and other related tabs.
STAF, Inc. provides you exact details how to create a happy relationship, how to
keep your heavenly happiness alive in your marriage, how to avoid failure, how not
to fall as the prey for a divorce devil, and how to save your children from
life-destroying disasters
Apply all advice in full together with your spouse
Quotation "Knowledge is no power - only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.)
___________________
Below interesting details from happy couple research - STAF, Inc.'s editors placed the material just below because we
agree almost with every detail - all keys to marriage happiness are fully given by STAF, Inc.'s specialists in this tab.
_____________________
See the above introduction by Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D, N.D. (STAF, Inc.'s founding President)
Traits unhappy couples have in common
Identifying the “four horsemen” *) of failed relationships
Click green below for further research results - STAF, Inc. endorses to study them as the couple science facts - study them together with your spouse and discuss the material together.
However,private services are in most cases needed to secure a lasting happiness in your marriage. For you to study all information is a preliminary step - then you and your spouse have an easier time to benefit 100 % or the private services at
STAF, Inc.
Source:
Dr. John Gottman, director of Seattle University’s “Love Lab” and founder of the Gottman Institute
Dr. John Gottman has studied thousands of couples for decades. By dissecting every nuance of their rapport from eye rolls to shrugs, he can predict with 94 percent accuracy whether a relationship will eventually dissolve. Four traits turned out to be the most reliable predictors of a breakup (especially when they’re combined in some fashion), so Gottman named them the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These traits include: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism involves attacking your partner’s personality or character by saying something like, “you never help with the dishes” or “why are you always so late?” Contempt involves putting your partner down (i.e., “you’re stupid for believing that”). Defensiveness often involves rebuffing your partner’s complaint with one of your own (“I may be late, but you’re way too uptight about it.”) Stonewalling involves clamming up and refusing to hash things out with your partner at all.
“We all do all of these things — that’s not the problem,” says Katie Ramsburgh, a counselor at the Gottman Institute. It’s when these flaws run unchecked that they can drive a couple apart. To keep this from happening, all you need to do is learn some techniques to combat them. For example, if your partner says, “You haven’t been helping much with the dishes,” don’t immediately volley back with, “Yes, but you haven’t been pitching in with the dog-walking much.” Instead, hear what your partner has to say, and then acknowledge it. Replace negative generalizations (“you never make an effort with my family”) with constructive specifics (“It would mean a lot to me if we spent more time with my family over the summer”). Based on exit surveys, 86 percent of couples make progress on a major gridlock issue in their relationship using Gottman’s methods, which are taught to them in a two-day workshop.
Enough about the bad stuff…what about the good?
While couples tend to hone in on the prevalence of negative interactions to predict whether or not they’ll split, the prevalence of positive interactions is equally critical. According to Gottman, the ratio of positive-to-negative interactions should be 20 to 1 during normal conversations — or 5 to 1 during an argument. These results were echoed by Terri Orbuch, project director for the NIH-funded Early Years of Marriage Project at the University of Michigan and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship. In her research, she found that 67 percent of happy couples say their spouse “often” made them feel good about themselves, whereas only 27 percent of unhappy couples could claim the same thing. The moral of the story: While you might assume your partner already knows you think he or she is smart/funny/sexy, or that you’re grateful he or she cooked dinner, it’s important that you reiterate your appreciation for each other often.
Marital affairs are rarely the culprit
Think infidelity must be the top cause of divorce? On the contrary: William Doherty, a professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota and director of the Couples on the Brink project, found in his research that the main causes of divorce weren’t the highly dramatic ones people might expect (like adultery or domestic violence), but rather the “soft” reasons, like “we just grew apart.” Doherty isn’t sure why this is the case, although he has his theories. “We think that it may be that the softer reasons are ones where they don’t have a lot of loving feelings anymore,” he says. “If your spouse cheated on you, you may still be in love with [this person], and still might ideally want it to work out. But if the fires have just gone out, that may mean you’re less optimistic.”
The upshot? Don’t assume that just because you two don’t fight constantly or get in jealous spats that everything is OK. You two need to continue working on the “soft” side of your relationship, too. In particular, engaging in new activities together — from taking a Thai cooking class to salsa lessons — will add additional sparks. And here’s why: novelty drives up your levels of dopamine, a chemical in our bodies that’s also released when we first fall in love. In one study, Arthur Aron at the University of New York in Stony Brook asked couples to spend 90 minutes a week together engaged in familiar pastimes, such as dinner out or a movie. The other group of couples spent 90 minutes a week engaged in more unusual activities. After 10 weeks, couples filled out a marital satisfaction survey. Those that had gone on unfamiliar dates were much happier than the ones who had stuck with doing the usual stuff — proof that staying in love isn’t as mysterious as we might think.
Judy Dutton (judy-dutton.com) is the author of Secrets from the Sex Lab and Science Fair Season: Twelve Kids, a Robot Named Scorch…and What It Takes to Win.
*)
The Four Horsemen - (New Testament) the four evils that will come at the end of the world:
(1) conquest rides a white horse; (2) war a red horse; (3) famine a black horse; (4) plague a pale horse evil - that which causes harm or destruction or misfortune; "the evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones"- Shakespeare
Book of Revelation, Revelation of Saint John the Divine, Apocalypse, Revelation- the last book of the New Testament; contains visionary descriptions of heaven and of conflicts between good and evil and of the end of the world; attributed to Saint John the Apostle
________________________________________________
See the above introduction by Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D, N.D. (STAF, Inc.'s founding President)
Traits unhappy couples have in common
Identifying the “four horsemen” *) of failed relationships
Click green below for further research results - STAF, Inc. endorses to study them as the couple science facts - study them together with your spouse and discuss the material together.
However,private services are in most cases needed to secure a lasting happiness in your marriage. For you to study all information is a preliminary step - then you and your spouse have an easier time to benefit 100 % or the private services at
STAF, Inc.
Source:
Dr. John Gottman, director of Seattle University’s “Love Lab” and founder of the Gottman Institute
Dr. John Gottman has studied thousands of couples for decades. By dissecting every nuance of their rapport from eye rolls to shrugs, he can predict with 94 percent accuracy whether a relationship will eventually dissolve. Four traits turned out to be the most reliable predictors of a breakup (especially when they’re combined in some fashion), so Gottman named them the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These traits include: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism involves attacking your partner’s personality or character by saying something like, “you never help with the dishes” or “why are you always so late?” Contempt involves putting your partner down (i.e., “you’re stupid for believing that”). Defensiveness often involves rebuffing your partner’s complaint with one of your own (“I may be late, but you’re way too uptight about it.”) Stonewalling involves clamming up and refusing to hash things out with your partner at all.
“We all do all of these things — that’s not the problem,” says Katie Ramsburgh, a counselor at the Gottman Institute. It’s when these flaws run unchecked that they can drive a couple apart. To keep this from happening, all you need to do is learn some techniques to combat them. For example, if your partner says, “You haven’t been helping much with the dishes,” don’t immediately volley back with, “Yes, but you haven’t been pitching in with the dog-walking much.” Instead, hear what your partner has to say, and then acknowledge it. Replace negative generalizations (“you never make an effort with my family”) with constructive specifics (“It would mean a lot to me if we spent more time with my family over the summer”). Based on exit surveys, 86 percent of couples make progress on a major gridlock issue in their relationship using Gottman’s methods, which are taught to them in a two-day workshop.
Enough about the bad stuff…what about the good?
While couples tend to hone in on the prevalence of negative interactions to predict whether or not they’ll split, the prevalence of positive interactions is equally critical. According to Gottman, the ratio of positive-to-negative interactions should be 20 to 1 during normal conversations — or 5 to 1 during an argument. These results were echoed by Terri Orbuch, project director for the NIH-funded Early Years of Marriage Project at the University of Michigan and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship. In her research, she found that 67 percent of happy couples say their spouse “often” made them feel good about themselves, whereas only 27 percent of unhappy couples could claim the same thing. The moral of the story: While you might assume your partner already knows you think he or she is smart/funny/sexy, or that you’re grateful he or she cooked dinner, it’s important that you reiterate your appreciation for each other often.
Marital affairs are rarely the culprit
Think infidelity must be the top cause of divorce? On the contrary: William Doherty, a professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota and director of the Couples on the Brink project, found in his research that the main causes of divorce weren’t the highly dramatic ones people might expect (like adultery or domestic violence), but rather the “soft” reasons, like “we just grew apart.” Doherty isn’t sure why this is the case, although he has his theories. “We think that it may be that the softer reasons are ones where they don’t have a lot of loving feelings anymore,” he says. “If your spouse cheated on you, you may still be in love with [this person], and still might ideally want it to work out. But if the fires have just gone out, that may mean you’re less optimistic.”
The upshot? Don’t assume that just because you two don’t fight constantly or get in jealous spats that everything is OK. You two need to continue working on the “soft” side of your relationship, too. In particular, engaging in new activities together — from taking a Thai cooking class to salsa lessons — will add additional sparks. And here’s why: novelty drives up your levels of dopamine, a chemical in our bodies that’s also released when we first fall in love. In one study, Arthur Aron at the University of New York in Stony Brook asked couples to spend 90 minutes a week together engaged in familiar pastimes, such as dinner out or a movie. The other group of couples spent 90 minutes a week engaged in more unusual activities. After 10 weeks, couples filled out a marital satisfaction survey. Those that had gone on unfamiliar dates were much happier than the ones who had stuck with doing the usual stuff — proof that staying in love isn’t as mysterious as we might think.
Judy Dutton (judy-dutton.com) is the author of Secrets from the Sex Lab and Science Fair Season: Twelve Kids, a Robot Named Scorch…and What It Takes to Win.
*)
The Four Horsemen - (New Testament) the four evils that will come at the end of the world:
(1) conquest rides a white horse; (2) war a red horse; (3) famine a black horse; (4) plague a pale horse evil - that which causes harm or destruction or misfortune; "the evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones"- Shakespeare
Book of Revelation, Revelation of Saint John the Divine, Apocalypse, Revelation- the last book of the New Testament; contains visionary descriptions of heaven and of conflicts between good and evil and of the end of the world; attributed to Saint John the Apostle
________________________________________________
To get separated or divorced when you got married in the traditional manner (see below)
is the biggest mistake you can make
Do not get separated or divorced
STAF, Inc.'s private services (1) will give you a new life and (2) save your children
Foreword to the article below
"What I Wish I Knew before I Got Divorced"
Foreword by Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc. is the leading, new organization for all family challenges.
WARNING
do not get separated or divorced - it ruins the spouses' and the children lives
When you got married in the traditional manner, it is NOT a good idea to get divorced.
Traditional manner = you met, dated, fell in love, proposal, valuable engagement ring, wedding plan, costly wedding. It all took time, it took a real commitment & financing that no reasonable person (except a gold-digger spouse) would bother going through. When you 2 were willing to invest all that time, effort & money you must have had real love between both of you. Otherwise you would not have bothered.
REAL LOVE NEVER DIES - when real love is denied in a separation or divorce, problems arise: sickness, depression, feeling of being a failure leading to a lower financial success, to a shorter life and to a constant feeling "did I make a mistake - I still think of him/her and miss our togetherness". Instead, heal your marriage.
With the new technology STAF, Inc. has developed any marriage can be healed 100 % and the newly-found heavenly happiness is even "deeper or higher" than ever before - it is worth everything.
STAF, Inc. restores your heavenly happiness - then you can save your children's future and lives.
A separation and a divorce ruins your children - see the 12 life-destroying facts every child faces in a family separation or in divorce - they are placed in several location in this tab.
Stick to your spouse whom you married in a traditional manner. Protect and nurture your mutual love - STAF, Inc.'s competent, result-bringing Marriage Restorers™ will guide you in everything.
STAF, Inc.'s private service gives you both and to your children a new life.
It is done with a unique lifetime result-guarantee with only one-time fee. No one else anywhere gives a similar guarantee.
Now the article borrowed from WomansDay.com.
as a
WARNING
Do not get divorced - You will regret it
STAF, Inc.'s private services(1) will give you a new life,
(2) happier marriage & (3) save your children/s future
Article 1 "What I Wish I Knew before I Got Divorced"
Hindsight's 20/20, so there's no one better than ex-wives to tell you what to do (and not to do) if you're going through-or just contemplating-a divorce. Here, real women share what they wish they'd known when they split from their husbands and divorce professionals weigh in on how to combat the most unexpected, yet most common, mistakes they've seen clients make. Rest assured, these 10 lessons can get you through the end of your marriage, both financially and emotionally. Photo by Getty Images.
1. It may take a long time to recover-and that's okay.
Julie, 50, from Denver, thought she'd be able to handle her divorce. "I'm a strong person, I own my own business and I'm a professional speaker," she says. But she admits she could barely function for a full year after the split. Her divorce recovery classes helped her realize everyone bounces back at their own pace. Psychotherapist Pandora MacLean-Hoover, who's divorced, also suggests finding a therapist who knows firsthand how vulnerable you are. "Therapists who haven't experienced divorce often create false hope," in regards to recovering quickly. "It's important to have support that's educated as well as therapeutic."
Related: Check out these 7 instant mood boosters.
2. Choose your counsel wisely.
"I used a criminal attorney and got a poor settlement," admits Christine K. Clifford, CEO of Divorcing Divas. On the other hand, a lawyer who's well-versed in family law could get you a better settlement because she knows the state-law nuances and local judges and lawyers, says Jacqueline Newman, a partner at a boutique New York City law firm specializing in divorce. If you and your husband have complicated combined assets, you may need additional pros. Kira Brown, 34, from Phoenix, AZ, owned a business with her ex-husband and wishes she'd also hired a financial planner for help negotiating her settlement.
3. Dig deeply into your joint finances.
According to financial analyst Sandy Arons, a divorcee herself, 40% of divorce proceedings are about money. So get as much information as you can about your shared accounts to be well-informed before court. Specifically, "learn all of the online passwords to bank accounts, which accounts had automatic payments and where money is invested, including the names of all accounts, the account numbers and the investment advisors," says Newman. Ask your attorney when and how it's best to gather this info first, though.
4. Figure out your future living expenses ASAP.
Your financial well-being should be your top priority, says divorce financial expert and mediator Rosemary Frank. "Raw emotions will heal and legalities will be completed, but the financial impact of poor decisions, or default decisions due to lack of understanding, will last a lifetime," she warns. Step one: Thoroughly understand your current cost of living before the divorce proceedings start. "If you don't know what you'll need in the future, you won't be able to ask for it and you surely won't get it," she says.
5. Anticipate unexpected costs.
Even with carefully planning out your future expenses, something surprising may pop up. For example, your husband may be able to boot you from his health insurance plan, leaving you with an added cost of as much as $1,000 per month. Caitlin, 55, from Tarrytown, NY, recommends requesting a one-time payment, separate from alimony. "I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says. "Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Try to have money available-like $5,000-within days. You'll need it."
Related: Discover 11 signs that he might be having an affair.
6. Trying to hurt your ex usually backfires.
Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired. "It not only 'showed him;' it also showed the wife-and their children-what life is like on a lower salary," she says. Simply badmouthing your ex is likely to hurt your kids more than your husband, even if you don't think they hear or read what you say. "Anything written online about an ex-spouse will exist forever-when the children are old enough to read," cautions Newman.
7. Being divorced doesn't mean you're a failure, less competent or less desirable.
"Divorce used to be something people didn't do, and many considered divorced women to be 'loose' and 'scandalous,'" says two-time divorcee Jennifer Little, PhD, founder of Parents Teach Kids. Some of those stigmas still exist, she says, so remember that divorce doesn't define you. "Divorcing just means that the relationship didn't work out," she says. "You haven't been rejected as a woman or a person, nor are you incompetent at being a wife, a partner, a lover, a friend."
8. The holidays will be harder than you expect.
Amanda, 29, from Albuquerque, NM, was married for over six years until her divorce. "I wasn't prepared for the loneliness that accompanied Christmas," she says. "It amplified the concept of a broken home." She wishes she had made plans to see her mother or a friend-or taken a vacation-to take her mind off spending the holiday by herself. So make sure you stay busy during that difficult time of year.
9. Your kids won't tell you how they really feel about the divorce, but their behavior will.
"Children feel a sense of responsibility for the breakup no matter how much the parents state it wasn't about them," says marriage and family therapist Lesli M. W. Doares, author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage. So monitor your kids' actions to understand how they're dealing. Watch out for little ones regressing in their behavior-acting younger, wanting to sleep in bed with you-or showing anger toward siblings and peers. Adolescents tend to act out by drinking, skipping school or disobeying curfews. To get things back on track, Doares suggests addressing issues as a family so everyone can talk about the changes together. Also, inform your child's teacher of the new situation, but don't automatically put your kid in therapy. "It can leave him feeling stigmatized or reinforce that the divorce is his fault," says Doares, though therapy's a good option if the behavior change is extreme.
Related: See 25 resolutions for a happier, healthier relationship.
10. Divorce can be freeing-and totally worth it. Annie, 47, from Boston, felt like she didn't have any talents, besides caring for her kids, before divorcing in 2007. She now has a blog,PlentyPerfect.com, and sees new directions her life can take. "Divorce can be the beginning of a good next chapter, even if you don't know how the book's going to end," she says. "Maybe you don't know what the options are yet, but they're out there."
Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.
For your private use, only
To get divorced when you got married in the traditional manner (see above) is the biggest mistake you can make.
Do not get divorced, STAF, Inc.'s private services (1) will give you a new life and (2) save your children
____________________________________________________
is the biggest mistake you can make
Do not get separated or divorced
STAF, Inc.'s private services (1) will give you a new life and (2) save your children
Foreword to the article below
"What I Wish I Knew before I Got Divorced"
Foreword by Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc. is the leading, new organization for all family challenges.
WARNING
do not get separated or divorced - it ruins the spouses' and the children lives
When you got married in the traditional manner, it is NOT a good idea to get divorced.
Traditional manner = you met, dated, fell in love, proposal, valuable engagement ring, wedding plan, costly wedding. It all took time, it took a real commitment & financing that no reasonable person (except a gold-digger spouse) would bother going through. When you 2 were willing to invest all that time, effort & money you must have had real love between both of you. Otherwise you would not have bothered.
REAL LOVE NEVER DIES - when real love is denied in a separation or divorce, problems arise: sickness, depression, feeling of being a failure leading to a lower financial success, to a shorter life and to a constant feeling "did I make a mistake - I still think of him/her and miss our togetherness". Instead, heal your marriage.
With the new technology STAF, Inc. has developed any marriage can be healed 100 % and the newly-found heavenly happiness is even "deeper or higher" than ever before - it is worth everything.
STAF, Inc. restores your heavenly happiness - then you can save your children's future and lives.
A separation and a divorce ruins your children - see the 12 life-destroying facts every child faces in a family separation or in divorce - they are placed in several location in this tab.
Stick to your spouse whom you married in a traditional manner. Protect and nurture your mutual love - STAF, Inc.'s competent, result-bringing Marriage Restorers™ will guide you in everything.
STAF, Inc.'s private service gives you both and to your children a new life.
It is done with a unique lifetime result-guarantee with only one-time fee. No one else anywhere gives a similar guarantee.
Now the article borrowed from WomansDay.com.
as a
WARNING
Do not get divorced - You will regret it
STAF, Inc.'s private services(1) will give you a new life,
(2) happier marriage & (3) save your children/s future
Article 1 "What I Wish I Knew before I Got Divorced"
Hindsight's 20/20, so there's no one better than ex-wives to tell you what to do (and not to do) if you're going through-or just contemplating-a divorce. Here, real women share what they wish they'd known when they split from their husbands and divorce professionals weigh in on how to combat the most unexpected, yet most common, mistakes they've seen clients make. Rest assured, these 10 lessons can get you through the end of your marriage, both financially and emotionally. Photo by Getty Images.
1. It may take a long time to recover-and that's okay.
Julie, 50, from Denver, thought she'd be able to handle her divorce. "I'm a strong person, I own my own business and I'm a professional speaker," she says. But she admits she could barely function for a full year after the split. Her divorce recovery classes helped her realize everyone bounces back at their own pace. Psychotherapist Pandora MacLean-Hoover, who's divorced, also suggests finding a therapist who knows firsthand how vulnerable you are. "Therapists who haven't experienced divorce often create false hope," in regards to recovering quickly. "It's important to have support that's educated as well as therapeutic."
Related: Check out these 7 instant mood boosters.
2. Choose your counsel wisely.
"I used a criminal attorney and got a poor settlement," admits Christine K. Clifford, CEO of Divorcing Divas. On the other hand, a lawyer who's well-versed in family law could get you a better settlement because she knows the state-law nuances and local judges and lawyers, says Jacqueline Newman, a partner at a boutique New York City law firm specializing in divorce. If you and your husband have complicated combined assets, you may need additional pros. Kira Brown, 34, from Phoenix, AZ, owned a business with her ex-husband and wishes she'd also hired a financial planner for help negotiating her settlement.
3. Dig deeply into your joint finances.
According to financial analyst Sandy Arons, a divorcee herself, 40% of divorce proceedings are about money. So get as much information as you can about your shared accounts to be well-informed before court. Specifically, "learn all of the online passwords to bank accounts, which accounts had automatic payments and where money is invested, including the names of all accounts, the account numbers and the investment advisors," says Newman. Ask your attorney when and how it's best to gather this info first, though.
4. Figure out your future living expenses ASAP.
Your financial well-being should be your top priority, says divorce financial expert and mediator Rosemary Frank. "Raw emotions will heal and legalities will be completed, but the financial impact of poor decisions, or default decisions due to lack of understanding, will last a lifetime," she warns. Step one: Thoroughly understand your current cost of living before the divorce proceedings start. "If you don't know what you'll need in the future, you won't be able to ask for it and you surely won't get it," she says.
5. Anticipate unexpected costs.
Even with carefully planning out your future expenses, something surprising may pop up. For example, your husband may be able to boot you from his health insurance plan, leaving you with an added cost of as much as $1,000 per month. Caitlin, 55, from Tarrytown, NY, recommends requesting a one-time payment, separate from alimony. "I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says. "Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Try to have money available-like $5,000-within days. You'll need it."
Related: Discover 11 signs that he might be having an affair.
6. Trying to hurt your ex usually backfires.
Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired. "It not only 'showed him;' it also showed the wife-and their children-what life is like on a lower salary," she says. Simply badmouthing your ex is likely to hurt your kids more than your husband, even if you don't think they hear or read what you say. "Anything written online about an ex-spouse will exist forever-when the children are old enough to read," cautions Newman.
7. Being divorced doesn't mean you're a failure, less competent or less desirable.
"Divorce used to be something people didn't do, and many considered divorced women to be 'loose' and 'scandalous,'" says two-time divorcee Jennifer Little, PhD, founder of Parents Teach Kids. Some of those stigmas still exist, she says, so remember that divorce doesn't define you. "Divorcing just means that the relationship didn't work out," she says. "You haven't been rejected as a woman or a person, nor are you incompetent at being a wife, a partner, a lover, a friend."
8. The holidays will be harder than you expect.
Amanda, 29, from Albuquerque, NM, was married for over six years until her divorce. "I wasn't prepared for the loneliness that accompanied Christmas," she says. "It amplified the concept of a broken home." She wishes she had made plans to see her mother or a friend-or taken a vacation-to take her mind off spending the holiday by herself. So make sure you stay busy during that difficult time of year.
9. Your kids won't tell you how they really feel about the divorce, but their behavior will.
"Children feel a sense of responsibility for the breakup no matter how much the parents state it wasn't about them," says marriage and family therapist Lesli M. W. Doares, author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage. So monitor your kids' actions to understand how they're dealing. Watch out for little ones regressing in their behavior-acting younger, wanting to sleep in bed with you-or showing anger toward siblings and peers. Adolescents tend to act out by drinking, skipping school or disobeying curfews. To get things back on track, Doares suggests addressing issues as a family so everyone can talk about the changes together. Also, inform your child's teacher of the new situation, but don't automatically put your kid in therapy. "It can leave him feeling stigmatized or reinforce that the divorce is his fault," says Doares, though therapy's a good option if the behavior change is extreme.
Related: See 25 resolutions for a happier, healthier relationship.
10. Divorce can be freeing-and totally worth it. Annie, 47, from Boston, felt like she didn't have any talents, besides caring for her kids, before divorcing in 2007. She now has a blog,PlentyPerfect.com, and sees new directions her life can take. "Divorce can be the beginning of a good next chapter, even if you don't know how the book's going to end," she says. "Maybe you don't know what the options are yet, but they're out there."
Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.
For your private use, only
To get divorced when you got married in the traditional manner (see above) is the biggest mistake you can make.
Do not get divorced, STAF, Inc.'s private services (1) will give you a new life and (2) save your children
____________________________________________________
WARNING
Do not get divorced - You will regret it
Instead heal your marriage and you both will find a deeper happiness than in your wedding day.
When you (as most of us have done) did get married in the traditional manner (= met, dated, fell in love, engagement ring, proposal, wedding plans), this process took some time, you saw a lot of effort, it cost in most cases plenty of money.
You both saw this much effort - this proves that you had real love between the two of you. Without real love you had towards each other you would not have bothered going through this many steps and stages to marry.
Real love NEVER dies - if you divorce the real love stays alive
and, for the very last day of your life, the pain of "I made a mistake" feeling will eat you alive.
You will have more sickness and your life span will be shorter and life less happier no matter what.
A new marriage is not a solution - because you will never get rid of your first real love.
Over 80 % of the 2nd marriages fail.
The solution is to HEAL your first marriage. Take counseling 10 - 50 times until you both are happily back. Save your children - saving your children is only possible by NOT divorcing and by healing your marriage.
See in this tab (in several locations) the 12 life-destroying disasters happening to your children if you get divorced. Divorce is the worst kind of child abuse.
Here the 12 life-destroying disaster listed in a short manner. Is this what you want to happen to your children and only because you will break your words (the Marriage Vow*) to be married forever to your spouse and because you do not want to bother taking counseling 50 or more times (sometimes 5 - 10 will heal your marriage trouble). Are your children worth your love and effort to give them the best you can? Yes they are, of course, - and you want it.
The healed marriage is real Heavenly Happiness - you want that together with your first spouse
*) "The Marriage Vow"
I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
Click: Marriage vows - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_vows
_____________
STAF, Inc.'s private services will give you (1) a new life,
(2) happier marriage & (3) save your children's future
The broken family syndrome™
In a separation or divorce your children will suffer from The Broken Family Syndrome™ - a serious condition.
An example: Every young mass shooter has been a victim of a separation or divorce.
STAF, Inc.'s TMM™ - True Marriage Miracle™
program will restore any broken marriage when at the same time so called
”traditional” marriage counseling by licensed Counselors fails about
72 % in all counseling cases.
STAF, Inc. trains on College level Marriage Restorers™
STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restoring™ service is given a lifetime result guarantee with only a one time fine - the fee is negotiated in the first session. The service is available nationwide & worldwide using the latest tele & broadcasting technology. To you and your spouse (sometimes the children in the session, too) it feels like the Marriage Restorer ™ is in the same room with you. STAF, Inc. gets the results for you no matter what and gives a lifetime result guarantee. No one else anywhere does.
In New York City, Atlantic City, Las Vegas, Beverly Hills, London you can also have service in an office location.
Call or email for details (links on 1st Home page)
___________________
_____
The text below is a good example for realizing that a separation or a divorce is wrong
learning to heal your marriage
and seeking for the solution
to your family happiness is the correct action
There is always a new road to your heavenly happiness
in your marriage and in your family
To the Brink: 9 Mistakes I Made that Nearly Ended My Marriage
Click green for further info
A few years ago my marriage nearly came to an end. My wife and I hit a point where we had to make a decision to either stick it out or go our separate ways.
My wife has been rather open on her blog about the marital problems that we faced.
I, however, have tried to forget that that phase of our relationship ever happened. Since that is impossible, instead I always try to avoid what got us to that point in the first place.
I was shocked when my wife finally admitted just how bad our marriage had become. It was a Sunday, after she returned from a trip to Utah. We went to church and sat in a pew together as we listened to the speakers. She had been struggling with light depression and some light anxiety because of our marriage challenges. She put my arm around her shoulders and she leaned her head against my shoulder.
We stayed in that position for the entire first hour of church, and then we went our separate ways for the remainder of church that day. A short while later, my wife pulled me out of whatever class I had been attending and took me into a room that wasn’t being used.
It wasn’t the first time that she had pulled me into a vacant room at church. Those conversations were usually about struggles with depression, and that’s what I expected her to want to talk about. Instead, she had me sit down and she told me that she was leaving me.
We both made mistakes in our marriage that led us down that particular road. I’ve thought a lot about what our marriage was like and what I had done wrong. These are the mistakes that I consider to be the biggest — mistakes that I wish I had avoided to make us happier throughout those first 9 years together.
Mistake # 1 Constant Teasing
I teased my wife—a lot. In my mind, the teasing was always good natured and could never be taken seriously, but because it happened so often, my wife started to take it personally. Sometimes the teasing went from good natured fun into more of the ribbing I would have used with male college roommates before I got married. Nine years of that kind of teasing wore on her until she couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t realize that it really bothered her until it was too late.
Mistake # 2 Supporting Vs. Loving
I confused supporting my wife with loving my wife. Throughout our entire marriage I worked odd hours and lots of hours. Our first year of marriage involved school during the day and work during the evenings until well after she went to bed. The next year involved working a full time job during the day and a full time job overnight. Then I worked overnight while going to school in the day for the next four years. By the time I got to law school, staying away from my wife while I was at school for 20 plus hours to study didn’t seem all that bad. All the work I was putting in was for her and our child--proof that I loved them. They’d understand why I had to be away so much. I began to believe that working long hours was all I really needed to do to show love to my wife. I rarely spoke the words, "I love you" to my wife.
Mistake # 3 Getting Lazy
I let things slide. The times I was at home during my last two years of law school, my wife and I gradually drifted apart. The Internet can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing. My wife got more and more involved in the Internet, and that meant she was on the Internet all the time. In the evenings I would practically beg her to close her laptop and spend some time with me. If she wouldn't close her laptop in the evening I would beg her to at least close it when it was time for bed. Eventually I decided to let her stay on her laptop to see if she would notice how little we communicated anymore. Big mistake. A year later we really only interacted in passing. I would come home from school to watch our child, and my wife would leave somewhere to write on the internet or go visit friends. We began requesting certain nights away from each other until every night of each week was scheduled away from each other.
Mistake # 4 Not Listening
I couldn’t recognize her pleas for help. I have never been good at understanding her difficulties. I’ve never been good at communicating with her. The distance that grew between us made that hurdle even more difficult. A few months before that terrible day at church, my wife wrote me a few emails while she was staying in North Carolina. She wrote in one, “I miss you.” I didn’t respond to the email. Those types of pleas for help happened more and more frequently, but I ignored them.
Mistake # 5 Avoiding Affection
I avoided physical displays of emotion. I’ve always felt awkward holding my wife’s hand in public, or giving her a kiss in public. I actually worried on our wedding day that I would struggle to kiss the bride. For the first few years of our marriage, I worked on it and it wasn’t a problem. As time went on I got lazier until it didn’t happen anymore at all.
Mistake # 6 Forgetting Compliments
I didn’t compliment her. I don’t know why I didn’t compliment her. I’ve always struggled telling my wife and our daughter that they look pretty. Most of the time when I said it early on in our marriage, it came out in a mumble and was usually pretty ill-timed. Towards the end of our nine years, it didn’t come out at all.
Mistake # 7 Not Prioritizing Our Relationship
I didn’t make our relationship a priority. I grew up in a home where divorce wasn’t an option. That can be a good motto to take going into marriage, but it can also cause you to become lazy. If divorce isn’t an option, why work at the marriage? My wife wanted to go on vacations together, she would have even taken a good date night, but I always thought it cost too much and took too much time. A few months before our bad day at church, several of my law school friends practically begged me to take my wife on a date. They didn’t understand how my wife and I could go days without talking to each other and still survive as a married couple. I scoffed at their fears and then a few months later I learned just how right they were.
Mistake # 8 Turning Our Marriage into a Competition
I made our roles in the marriage compete. My wife spent all day at home with our child while I went off to law school to study for hours. Sometimes when I would come home, my wife would tell me how difficult her day was and that I didn't have it so bad because I got to spend time with adults all day. Those conversations turned into arguments over who had the more difficult life. Truth is, we both had difficult lives and we should have been more understanding of the stresses we were dealing with. I could have adjusted my schedule a bit here and there to help my wife have more adult interaction during the day. I could have been a better listener to the things that were troubling her. Sometimes just being willing to listen to her struggles was all she really needed to help her through those difficult times.
Mistake # 9 Letting My Focus Slip
I let other things be the focus of the few dates we went on. On the Valentine's Day before our bad day at church, I had gotten her a surprise present for the first time in our nine years of marriage. Somehow we were able to arrange for someone to babysit our daughter and we were set to go on a romantic Valentine’s date. Instead of focusing on my wife and letting her know how excited I was to be going on a date with her, our conversation wandered into things that I never should have even been thinking about. The conversation eventually turned into an argument and we spent about 45 minutes in the parking lot of a fancy restaurant as my wife cried. By that point, I hadn’t even given her the present I had gotten her. Eventually we turned that evening around, but it was one of the more difficult nights of our marriage.
Mistake # 10 Lack of Understanding
I refused to understand the things she struggled with. My wife came home from a trip and later that evening learned that her internet friend’s daughter had unexpectedly passed away. My wife was devastated. The friend lived in California and for a reason I didn’t understand, my wife had to get to California to help her friend. She made arrangements to get on a plane the next day to fly out to help her friend. I was frustrated. The trip came in the middle of finals and left me stranded with a child. I wasn’t just frustrated, I was furious, but I didn’t have any reason to be furious. My wife had taken care of everything. She had arranged for our daughter to stay at a friend’s house while she was away so I could focus on school. Her trip to California didn’t inconvenience me in any way, but when she got back from California, I didn’t let her finish grieving before I made the whole thing into another parking lot argument.
Learning from Our Mistakes
I can’t leave this text on such a negative tone. We both learned from our mistakes and none of the mistakes that I have listed have really been a problem since that day at church. I still work on some of the things I struggle with, like complimenting my wife on how beautiful she looks, showing physical affection and recognizing her pleas for help. That's part of the reason I started writing on this to show my family in words that I do love them. I believe my writing based on the real life will help other couples NOT to get separated or divorced because that is not a solution. The solution is to workl on the marriage to make it happy and, as needed, take competent counseling as many times as needed. STAF, Inc.'s marriage restoring principles definitely will bring the happy results.
I can understand if some people reading this story wonder how my wife could still be married to me. You're not alone, I wonder the same thing sometimes. Thankfully, my wife decided to give me another chance and we've become far happier than we ever were before. I love my wife and I’m glad we both chose to learn how to be a happy married couple.
You can do it also. Never get separated or divorced - it would completely ruin the lives of both spouses and would seriously affect the children.
*) PCOS = Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) symptoms are often different for each woman. It is a complicated disorder with many possible signs and symptoms. The increase in androgens contributes to many of the symptoms that women experience. Because androgens are hormones which cause the typical male characteristics, many of the symptoms cause a distressing change in appearance. Depression is common as a result.
The text below is a good example for realizing that a separation or a divorce is wrong
learning to heal your marriage
and seeking for the solution
to your family happiness is the correct action
There is always a new road to your heavenly happiness
in your marriage and in your family
To the Brink: 9 Mistakes I Made that Nearly Ended My Marriage
Click green for further info
A few years ago my marriage nearly came to an end. My wife and I hit a point where we had to make a decision to either stick it out or go our separate ways.
My wife has been rather open on her blog about the marital problems that we faced.
I, however, have tried to forget that that phase of our relationship ever happened. Since that is impossible, instead I always try to avoid what got us to that point in the first place.
I was shocked when my wife finally admitted just how bad our marriage had become. It was a Sunday, after she returned from a trip to Utah. We went to church and sat in a pew together as we listened to the speakers. She had been struggling with light depression and some light anxiety because of our marriage challenges. She put my arm around her shoulders and she leaned her head against my shoulder.
We stayed in that position for the entire first hour of church, and then we went our separate ways for the remainder of church that day. A short while later, my wife pulled me out of whatever class I had been attending and took me into a room that wasn’t being used.
It wasn’t the first time that she had pulled me into a vacant room at church. Those conversations were usually about struggles with depression, and that’s what I expected her to want to talk about. Instead, she had me sit down and she told me that she was leaving me.
We both made mistakes in our marriage that led us down that particular road. I’ve thought a lot about what our marriage was like and what I had done wrong. These are the mistakes that I consider to be the biggest — mistakes that I wish I had avoided to make us happier throughout those first 9 years together.
Mistake # 1 Constant Teasing
I teased my wife—a lot. In my mind, the teasing was always good natured and could never be taken seriously, but because it happened so often, my wife started to take it personally. Sometimes the teasing went from good natured fun into more of the ribbing I would have used with male college roommates before I got married. Nine years of that kind of teasing wore on her until she couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t realize that it really bothered her until it was too late.
Mistake # 2 Supporting Vs. Loving
I confused supporting my wife with loving my wife. Throughout our entire marriage I worked odd hours and lots of hours. Our first year of marriage involved school during the day and work during the evenings until well after she went to bed. The next year involved working a full time job during the day and a full time job overnight. Then I worked overnight while going to school in the day for the next four years. By the time I got to law school, staying away from my wife while I was at school for 20 plus hours to study didn’t seem all that bad. All the work I was putting in was for her and our child--proof that I loved them. They’d understand why I had to be away so much. I began to believe that working long hours was all I really needed to do to show love to my wife. I rarely spoke the words, "I love you" to my wife.
Mistake # 3 Getting Lazy
I let things slide. The times I was at home during my last two years of law school, my wife and I gradually drifted apart. The Internet can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing. My wife got more and more involved in the Internet, and that meant she was on the Internet all the time. In the evenings I would practically beg her to close her laptop and spend some time with me. If she wouldn't close her laptop in the evening I would beg her to at least close it when it was time for bed. Eventually I decided to let her stay on her laptop to see if she would notice how little we communicated anymore. Big mistake. A year later we really only interacted in passing. I would come home from school to watch our child, and my wife would leave somewhere to write on the internet or go visit friends. We began requesting certain nights away from each other until every night of each week was scheduled away from each other.
Mistake # 4 Not Listening
I couldn’t recognize her pleas for help. I have never been good at understanding her difficulties. I’ve never been good at communicating with her. The distance that grew between us made that hurdle even more difficult. A few months before that terrible day at church, my wife wrote me a few emails while she was staying in North Carolina. She wrote in one, “I miss you.” I didn’t respond to the email. Those types of pleas for help happened more and more frequently, but I ignored them.
Mistake # 5 Avoiding Affection
I avoided physical displays of emotion. I’ve always felt awkward holding my wife’s hand in public, or giving her a kiss in public. I actually worried on our wedding day that I would struggle to kiss the bride. For the first few years of our marriage, I worked on it and it wasn’t a problem. As time went on I got lazier until it didn’t happen anymore at all.
Mistake # 6 Forgetting Compliments
I didn’t compliment her. I don’t know why I didn’t compliment her. I’ve always struggled telling my wife and our daughter that they look pretty. Most of the time when I said it early on in our marriage, it came out in a mumble and was usually pretty ill-timed. Towards the end of our nine years, it didn’t come out at all.
Mistake # 7 Not Prioritizing Our Relationship
I didn’t make our relationship a priority. I grew up in a home where divorce wasn’t an option. That can be a good motto to take going into marriage, but it can also cause you to become lazy. If divorce isn’t an option, why work at the marriage? My wife wanted to go on vacations together, she would have even taken a good date night, but I always thought it cost too much and took too much time. A few months before our bad day at church, several of my law school friends practically begged me to take my wife on a date. They didn’t understand how my wife and I could go days without talking to each other and still survive as a married couple. I scoffed at their fears and then a few months later I learned just how right they were.
Mistake # 8 Turning Our Marriage into a Competition
I made our roles in the marriage compete. My wife spent all day at home with our child while I went off to law school to study for hours. Sometimes when I would come home, my wife would tell me how difficult her day was and that I didn't have it so bad because I got to spend time with adults all day. Those conversations turned into arguments over who had the more difficult life. Truth is, we both had difficult lives and we should have been more understanding of the stresses we were dealing with. I could have adjusted my schedule a bit here and there to help my wife have more adult interaction during the day. I could have been a better listener to the things that were troubling her. Sometimes just being willing to listen to her struggles was all she really needed to help her through those difficult times.
Mistake # 9 Letting My Focus Slip
I let other things be the focus of the few dates we went on. On the Valentine's Day before our bad day at church, I had gotten her a surprise present for the first time in our nine years of marriage. Somehow we were able to arrange for someone to babysit our daughter and we were set to go on a romantic Valentine’s date. Instead of focusing on my wife and letting her know how excited I was to be going on a date with her, our conversation wandered into things that I never should have even been thinking about. The conversation eventually turned into an argument and we spent about 45 minutes in the parking lot of a fancy restaurant as my wife cried. By that point, I hadn’t even given her the present I had gotten her. Eventually we turned that evening around, but it was one of the more difficult nights of our marriage.
Mistake # 10 Lack of Understanding
I refused to understand the things she struggled with. My wife came home from a trip and later that evening learned that her internet friend’s daughter had unexpectedly passed away. My wife was devastated. The friend lived in California and for a reason I didn’t understand, my wife had to get to California to help her friend. She made arrangements to get on a plane the next day to fly out to help her friend. I was frustrated. The trip came in the middle of finals and left me stranded with a child. I wasn’t just frustrated, I was furious, but I didn’t have any reason to be furious. My wife had taken care of everything. She had arranged for our daughter to stay at a friend’s house while she was away so I could focus on school. Her trip to California didn’t inconvenience me in any way, but when she got back from California, I didn’t let her finish grieving before I made the whole thing into another parking lot argument.
Learning from Our Mistakes
I can’t leave this text on such a negative tone. We both learned from our mistakes and none of the mistakes that I have listed have really been a problem since that day at church. I still work on some of the things I struggle with, like complimenting my wife on how beautiful she looks, showing physical affection and recognizing her pleas for help. That's part of the reason I started writing on this to show my family in words that I do love them. I believe my writing based on the real life will help other couples NOT to get separated or divorced because that is not a solution. The solution is to workl on the marriage to make it happy and, as needed, take competent counseling as many times as needed. STAF, Inc.'s marriage restoring principles definitely will bring the happy results.
I can understand if some people reading this story wonder how my wife could still be married to me. You're not alone, I wonder the same thing sometimes. Thankfully, my wife decided to give me another chance and we've become far happier than we ever were before. I love my wife and I’m glad we both chose to learn how to be a happy married couple.
You can do it also. Never get separated or divorced - it would completely ruin the lives of both spouses and would seriously affect the children.
*) PCOS = Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) symptoms are often different for each woman. It is a complicated disorder with many possible signs and symptoms. The increase in androgens contributes to many of the symptoms that women experience. Because androgens are hormones which cause the typical male characteristics, many of the symptoms cause a distressing change in appearance. Depression is common as a result.
Flowers, chocolate—and divorce papers?
The period immediately following Valentine’s Day is a popular time for married couples to call it quits
Click green for further info
In Defense of Valentine's Day
One recent study suggested divorce filings rose by as much as 40 percent right after the holiday, while anecdotal evidence collected from divorce lawyers painted Valentine’s Day as time of reckoning more than romance, a time when the effects of one's past mistakes or misdeeds catch up with one.
“People think Valentine’s Day is the day they’re going to fix it all, that they’re going to make everything okay in their marriage. Then, when they can’t? It’s time to file,” Chicago divorce attorney Marie Fahnert told.
Divorce Rate After 10 Years Static
“They start consulting in January. Then they say, ‘Let’s see how Valentine’s Day goes,’” Steve Mandell, a New York divorce lawyer with the Mandell Law Firm, told. “If their spouse comes through okay, fine. If they get, like, a two-dollar box of chocolate? Check, please!”
Couples, in other words, want to give it one last shot by seeing if their marriage can be rekindled*) by the most romantic day of the year.
*) rekindle = 1. to arouse or cause to be aroused again rekindle the romance in your relationship 2. to set alight or start to burn again
Avvo, the free legal referral site, announced in 2011 that the number of inquiries and referral requests it receives skyrockets right after Valentine’s Day each year, and said many of its lawyers reported a rise in filings. “Over the past two years we’ve seen an average increase of 40 percent in the number of requests for divorce lawyers around Valentine’s Day, compared to the previous six months,” Mark Britton, founder and CEO of Avvo, said at the time. “Furthermore, the number of questions about divorce soared 36 percent during that same time.”
In Michigan people were clamoring for a free divorce from Southfield divorce lawyer Walter Bentley after he made the national news by announcing he’d gift a $3,000 uncontested divorce, on Valentine’s Day, to the person who could write the most compelling plea. Bentley told he was surprised to receive nearly 600 entries in less than a week. His website announced two winners on the 14th: Debi Cloonan, who had a civil separation with her husband after the death of a son drew them apart, and Tara Fleek, who was on good terms with her husband but ready to split but simply could not afford it, and were about to file bankruptcy.
But Valentine's Day splits are not always so peaceful. Cary Cheifetz, a divorce attorney in New Jersey with Ceconi & Cheifetz, told that, in addition to seeing rising divorce rates post-V-day, there's been another, more pointed development. “I’ve noticed Valentine’s Day becoming a Trojan horse (= covered reason)*) for all sort of other agendas,” he said. “I’ve had a number of clients suggest I put their divorce through on Valentine’s Day, and I’ve also noticed a bunch of lawyers scheduling depositions for Valentine’s Day. It’s like one spouse wants to twist the knife just a little bit more.”
Finally, in New York, divorce attorney Jacqueline Newman, managing partner of Berkman, Bottger, Newman & Rodd, told about yet another post-V-Day trend. “After Valentine’s Day, I find that prenups**) are harder to negotiate,” she said. “I guess if somebody didn’t do what the other spouse wanted for the holiday, maybe they ask the question: ‘Do they really love me?'
*) Trojan horse Classical Mythology = 1) a gigantic hollow wooden horse, left by the Greeks upon their pretended abandonment of the siege of Troy.The Trojans took it into Troy and Greek soldiers concealed in the horse opened the gates to the Greek army at night and conquered the city.2) a person or thing intended to undermine or destroy from within.
3) a non replicating computer program planted illegally in another program to do damage locally when the software is activated.
**) Prenupt = Prenuptial agreement - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prenuptial_agreement
A prenuptial agreement, antenuptial agreement, or premarital agreement, commonly abbreviated to prenup or prenupt, is a contract entered into prior to ...
Legal recognition - Premarital mediation - Catholicism - Judaism
__________________________________________________
Things Not to Say
to Someone Getting Divorced
1. I'm sorry.
Yes, of course you're sorry your friend's world has come crashing down, but since so often divorces are ending unhealthy marriages, "I'm sorry" isn't always the right sentiment in response to the big news. I've learned to say, "I'm sorry-slash-congratulations!," which is a cheeky way of trying to encompass all of the mixed emotions that come along with this tumultuous time in someone's life. If you're not sure what to say as your initial response to the news, try just saying, "Are you okay?" That way you can get a sense of how your friend feels and in which emotional direction to proceed.
For more on this, check out Louis CK on why not to say "I'm sorry" when your friend gets divorced.
2. Why?
I mean, of course you can talk to your friend about why they're getting divorced, but definitely don't just blurt out, "Why?" It'll seem very insensitive. Many people who have troubled marriages keep their troubles to themselves for various reasons, and your friend might be dealing with lots of guilt and sadness about having struggled alone for so long. Again, try to ask gentler, more open-ended questions like, "Do you want to talk about it?"
3. I totally saw it coming.
Juliet says, "No one knows what goes on in a marriage besides the two people in that marriage. No one. You may think you do, but you don't. It is one thing if you have confided to your friend that you were having problems. It's another thing entirely if you haven't." I'll add that even if your friend has confided to you about the problems in his or her marriage, "I totally saw it coming" really only rubs salt in a very gaping wound.
4. I never knew why the two of you were together in the first place.
Juliet says, "I have no idea why anyone would think this is appropriate to say but plenty go right ahead and say it anyway. To the person who just got divorced you are saying their marriage was a freak show that no one could understand. A newly divorced person is usually in mourning for what they just lost, a comment like this hits below the belt." I'll add that even if you think your friend will agree with this sentiment (when people started saying this to me, I agreed or could at least see where they were coming from), wait a while before starting in with this kind of commentary. Again, when the wound is fresh, tread carefully! Your friend will need time to process the fact that their dream has died, and that will be complicated and messy and hurt - especially if their dream was a fantasy to begin with.
Related: 11 mistakes I made that nearly ended my marriage
5. You gave him/her the best years of your life.
Juliet says, "My mother actually said that to me for months, in fact she still does. She means well and now when she does it, she makes me laugh. I did sacrifice most of my child-bearing years to my marriage, but I still think the best years of my life are yet to come." The only person that ever said this to me was me, and I said it because initially I meant it. I didn't realize at the time that I could recover and emerge from the process of my divorce happier and stronger than ever. It's clear that anyone who says this to a friend is trying to commiserate, but your tactic might backfire and make your friend feel worse than they already do and hopeless about their future. Try to say something positive instead, like, "You have your whole life ahead of you." Though if your friend is over 40, they might feel like that's not true, either, even though it's never too late to make a fresh start. Hey - try saying that!
6. But he/she is so nice!
Seriously. Do. Not. Say. This. As I mentioned earlier, many couples are able to mask their private hell when out in public, and you don't know how bad things might have been behind closed doors. This is super invalidating and will make your grieving friend feel very angry and hurt. Be a friend. Be supportive. Don't second guess your friend's capacity to make good sound decisions. It's very rare that anyone divorces without thinking long and hard about it. Respect that.
7. Don't worry, you'll find someone new.
Well sure, yeah. But not today and not tomorrow - or at least, let's hope not anyway! You mean well, you're trying to be encouraging by saying this, but it's too soon to shift the focus from grieving the loss of one relationship to moving on to another.
8. Couldn't you just put up with it?
Juliet lists this sentiment in reference to losing a lavish lifestyle, but I've heard people say this about keeping a relationship together forcibly because, you know, once you're married, you're just supposed to deal with whatever abuses and inequities and lack of compatibility are thrown your way. Juliet notes, "If one partner is treating the other like garbage, the damage to a person's self-esteem and sense of well-being is not worth it. If the relationship is physically abusive the person needs to get out of it as soon as possible."
9. You should have tried to keep it together for the kids.
I’ve said it time and time again, children are happier in a happier home than they are in a home full of discord. It’s never best to keep a crumbling marriage together for the kids. Again, nowadays most couples with children try couples therapy and retreats and everything they can before splitting. Sometimes breaking up is the best answer to a difficult problem. If your friend has kids, I’m sure he or she has thought of their best interests before going forward with a divorce. Honor that.
10. Sweet, let’s party!
Juliet talks about how some friends will urge a newly divorced person to go get laid, but she says, “for some sex can turn into another form of self-destructive behavior just like drugs or alcohol.” If you’re single and you’re psyched your friend is now single too, go easy with the tearing up the town stuff. Your newly divorced friend is a hot mess right now and she probably needs a mani-pedi and some tea more than anything. For guys, it’s a little different, but don’t think that just because your divorced friend is a dude he’s ready to go bang hot chicks. Try helping them pack or move, then a few months later you can talk about what’s next.
_______________________________________________________________
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Study also the very next article after this "gifted child" article
Click the green topic below for a video
Is your child gifted?
Click the green topic above
If your kid doesn't sleep well or like being in crowds, it doesn't mean there's a problem
Click green for further info
Many a proud parent has deemed their child bright, advanced and more intelligent than his or her peers. But how can parents tell the difference between their kid being smart or gifted?
According to child psychologist Stephanie Meyer, giftedness and intelligence are innate. "Parents will describe their child from the beginning, the very first moments of life, as just being super alert," she tells Away We Grow host Diane Mizota. "Parents will often come in describing their child as having an extraordinary memory advance mathematical ability, sense of humor--just extraordinary sense of humor in a two-year-old--advanced storytelling abilities. They will often describe their child as having advanced vocabulary skills and the ability to articulate their feelings and ideas in ways that seem far beyond their age-mates."
Related: 5 kids smarter than Albert Einstein
Is your child gifted? Giftedness is assessed via an IQ test, the most common being the Wechsler system on intelligence tests. Children who score higher than 130 on the test are considered gifted. But in addition to pure numbers, parents need to look at a wide range of their child's behaviors and development patterns. Says Meyer: "Kids who are highly gifted often are very, very curious. They may not be great sleepers early on. A lot of them were colicky to begin with. The whole idea of being an infant wasn't a great fit."
She adds that many kids who are highly intelligent also have sensory processing differences. "In order to take information in heightened, rapid, different ways, their sensory system is on high," explains Meyer. "A lot of times you see highly gifted kids putting their hands over their ears or not really enjoying being in crowds."
Related: Can everyone's kid really be gifted?
Gifted children may also have a higher activity level and difficulty getting along with kids their age. "These children often will connect more easily with older children, adults, the elderly, and then very young children," she says "They're a little more advanced and they're a little more behind so they may lag behind a little in the social, emotional sphere and the self-care sphereum*) but then their vocabulary is beyond sometimes where their peers are and their interests can be different than their peers." This inability to connect well with friends could signal other behavioral problems.
Meyer recommends that parents seek out professional consultation with experts so that mom and dad "are not the ones stuck with the guess work and so that they can just enjoy their child. Such a big part of what I hope comes out of this process is that the child is able to embrace all parts of him or herself and that parents are able to embrace all parts of their child."
*) sphere(um) A round solid figure, or its surface, with every point on its surface equidistant from its center
An object having this shape; a ball or globe. Synonyms: orb - globe - field - area - realm - domain - circle
Watch more Away We Grow videos
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How 5 minutes of calm can change your life
Kids and the art of lying
Talking to your kids about the dangers of strangers
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This article if for your private use only
See the next article below: Here is one example from Africa: a gifted child
____________________________________
Here is one example from Africa: a gifted child, 13
His "Lion Lights" system is now widely used in the region, helping the ranchers
Kenya boy, 13, gains fame
for protecting livestock from lions
For this bright kid, the sky seems to be the limit
This 13-year old Kenya boy was invited to speak at the 2013 TED Conference *),
gathering of worldwide top innovators
Click green for further info
Richard Turere, 13, had reason to despise lions while growing up with his family on a ranch in Kenya: The beasts routinely killed their livestock, which he was largely responsible for. Rather than fret, however, the clever boy put his mind to work and devised an invention that not only deters lions, but does so without killing or injuring them.
Lions, whose numbers have shrunk to an alarming level, are vital to the ecosystem and valuable as a tourist attraction in nearby Nairobi National Park. The park boasts the world's largest concentration of lions, which often perceive livestock on nearby ranches as easy pickings.
Click the green article title above to see the pictures. In case the link has expired, search the internet with the title
Richard Turere, 13, pictured above with his family's livestock, has gained notoriety for inventing a system that keeps lions at bay. Credit: Afrigadget. Second image shows an African lion, courtesy of Friends of Nairobi National Park. Third image shows Turere speaking at the 2013 TED Conference, a gathering of top innovators
The invention, one what has proved remarkably successful after a series of other experiments had failed, stemmed from Turere's discovery, when he was 11, that lions became skittish*) at night when people walked around with flashlights.
*) skittish = easily frightened
"I discovered that the lions were scared of the moving light," he told the media.
He gathered dozens of LED lights and rigged them to a battery and solar panel that powered the family television.
He devised a way to make the lights flash and placed the bulbs on poles surrounding the livestock enclosure.
The nighttime livestock raids ended, and Turere's "Lion Lights" system is now widely used in the region, helping ranchers deal with the predators in a manner that no longer has to involve shooting them.
"I did it myself, no one taught me, I just came up with it," Turere said. "I had to look after my dad's cows and make sure that they were safe."
Because of his ingenuity, and his adeptness at engineering without training and with limited resources, Turere was invited to Southern California for this week's 2013 TED Conference, where he has shared a platform with other top innovators. He also received a scholarship to Brookhouse International School in Nairobi, where he now studies.
Turere shared two of his previous lion-deterring ideas at the conference. One involved fire but that backfired, he said, because "it was helping the lions see through the cowshed."
Another was a scarecrow. "I was trying to trick the lions. But lions are clever," he said, explaining that on the first day the lions saw the scarecrow and fled, but on the second they realized the scarecrow wasn't moving and killed several cows.
Of being invited to the TED Conference, according to an event blog post, Turere told the crowd: "A year ago I was a boy in a savannah grassland. I saw planes fly over and I said I'd be inside one day. I had a chance to come by plane for the first time for TED. My dream is to become an aircraft engineer and pilot when I grow up."
To be sure, for this bright kid, the sky seems to be the limit.
___________________
--Note: To learn more about Richard Turere, 13 and the lion issue please
click green: story and video posted by Afrigadget
___________________
Click green for further info
*) click green: TED (conference) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
TED_(conference) TED (Technology, Entertainment and Design) is a global set of conferences owned by the private non-profit Sapling Foundation, formed to disseminate "ideas
_______________________________________
His "Lion Lights" system is now widely used in the region, helping the ranchers
Kenya boy, 13, gains fame
for protecting livestock from lions
For this bright kid, the sky seems to be the limit
This 13-year old Kenya boy was invited to speak at the 2013 TED Conference *),
gathering of worldwide top innovators
Click green for further info
Richard Turere, 13, had reason to despise lions while growing up with his family on a ranch in Kenya: The beasts routinely killed their livestock, which he was largely responsible for. Rather than fret, however, the clever boy put his mind to work and devised an invention that not only deters lions, but does so without killing or injuring them.
Lions, whose numbers have shrunk to an alarming level, are vital to the ecosystem and valuable as a tourist attraction in nearby Nairobi National Park. The park boasts the world's largest concentration of lions, which often perceive livestock on nearby ranches as easy pickings.
Click the green article title above to see the pictures. In case the link has expired, search the internet with the title
Richard Turere, 13, pictured above with his family's livestock, has gained notoriety for inventing a system that keeps lions at bay. Credit: Afrigadget. Second image shows an African lion, courtesy of Friends of Nairobi National Park. Third image shows Turere speaking at the 2013 TED Conference, a gathering of top innovators
The invention, one what has proved remarkably successful after a series of other experiments had failed, stemmed from Turere's discovery, when he was 11, that lions became skittish*) at night when people walked around with flashlights.
*) skittish = easily frightened
"I discovered that the lions were scared of the moving light," he told the media.
He gathered dozens of LED lights and rigged them to a battery and solar panel that powered the family television.
He devised a way to make the lights flash and placed the bulbs on poles surrounding the livestock enclosure.
The nighttime livestock raids ended, and Turere's "Lion Lights" system is now widely used in the region, helping ranchers deal with the predators in a manner that no longer has to involve shooting them.
"I did it myself, no one taught me, I just came up with it," Turere said. "I had to look after my dad's cows and make sure that they were safe."
Because of his ingenuity, and his adeptness at engineering without training and with limited resources, Turere was invited to Southern California for this week's 2013 TED Conference, where he has shared a platform with other top innovators. He also received a scholarship to Brookhouse International School in Nairobi, where he now studies.
Turere shared two of his previous lion-deterring ideas at the conference. One involved fire but that backfired, he said, because "it was helping the lions see through the cowshed."
Another was a scarecrow. "I was trying to trick the lions. But lions are clever," he said, explaining that on the first day the lions saw the scarecrow and fled, but on the second they realized the scarecrow wasn't moving and killed several cows.
Of being invited to the TED Conference, according to an event blog post, Turere told the crowd: "A year ago I was a boy in a savannah grassland. I saw planes fly over and I said I'd be inside one day. I had a chance to come by plane for the first time for TED. My dream is to become an aircraft engineer and pilot when I grow up."
To be sure, for this bright kid, the sky seems to be the limit.
___________________
--Note: To learn more about Richard Turere, 13 and the lion issue please
click green: story and video posted by Afrigadget
___________________
Click green for further info
*) click green: TED (conference) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
TED_(conference) TED (Technology, Entertainment and Design) is a global set of conferences owned by the private non-profit Sapling Foundation, formed to disseminate "ideas
_______________________________________
16 Aphrodisiac Foods that May Put You in the "Mood"
Aphrodisiac*) foods, including asparagus, bananas, chocolate, figs, and oysters , etc., are renown for sparking romance.
*) A food, drink, or drug that stimulates sexual desire
Asparagus
According to European lore, this member of the lily family could set just the right tone for your romantic evening in.
In 19th-century France, grooms were given three servings of this natural aphrodisiac before - ahem - moving on to dessert (of the calorie-burning sort). The added ginger will help stimulate the circulatory system.
Almonds
Long regarded as a symbol of fertility, almonds are high in vitamin E, magnesium, and fiber. But it's the aroma that makes this dish a sensual feast - the smell of almonds is said to arouse desire and passion in women.
Avocado
As shapely as a woman, this creamy fruit was once regarded as so obscene in Old World Spain that Catholic priests forbade their parishioners to eat it.
Related: Romantic Valentine's Day Dinner Recipes
Bananas
The phallic*) shape of this potassium-rich fruit makes it an aphrodisiac food acknowledged the world over. According to an Islamic myth, after Adam and Eve succumbed to the apple, they covered their nudity with banana leaves.
*) shape of male genital
Basil
The ancient Greeks praised basil for its power to cure headaches, so no more excuses. It also promotes circulation and heats up the body.
Chocolate Truffles
As if you need an excuse to eat chocolate, or truffles, this is sure to pack a one-two punch of romance into any occasion. Chocolate is a natural source of serotonin, and truffles are downright sexy.
Related: Chocolate Dessert Recipes
Arugula
Frequently used in salads and pastas, this spicy, leafy green has been considered an aphrodisiac since the first century A.D.
Garlic
Garlic is said to cure the common cold, heart ailments, and bland meals. While some consider this pungent seasoning more of a romance killer (because of its smell), it's actually an aphrodisiac that can add flavor to your love life
Eggs
According to legend, eating raw chicken eggs before sex arouses your libido*). Ick. Fingers crossed, cooked eggs provide a similar intoxication. High in vitamins B5 and B6, eggs balance hormone levels and fight stress.
*) do NOT eat raw eggs - they may have deadly bacteria/viruses-- boil or better, yet- steam them (for 20 min.)
Related: 7 New Date-Night Ideas
Figs
Figs are said to have been Cleopatra's favorite fruit. To quote When Harry Met Sally, "I'll have what she's having."
Oysters
Oysters are brimming with zinc, which raises sperm and testosterone production, and his libido. They are also high in omega-3, which wards off depression and promotes general well-being. Maybe the saying should be "happy as an oyster!"
Beer
Believe it or not, some consider stout beer an aphrodisiac. A man is assuredly responsible for this rumor, but why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Next time you make him some chili, just add Guinness.
Related: Best Valentine's Day Gifts Under $35
Chile Peppers
To spice things up, pick fiery peppers. They're chock full of capsaicin, a body-temperature and heart-rate booster that'll get you hot and bothered in a flash.
Honey
Long recognized as a passion kick-starter, this sweetener is packed with fast-acting simple sugars - great for some instant pep anytime, anywhere.
Red Wine
Get in the habit of quaffing vino regularly, and sparks could fly: According to Italian scientists, a daily glass (not a bottle) of red can send your lust into overdrive.
Pomegranate Juice
Hello, liquid Viagra! Researchers have found that drinking this can lift testosterone levels up to 30% - which makes men and women feel friskier. BUT: have fresh, soft pomegranates and make a drink in your blender.
____________________________________________________
Aphrodisiac*) foods, including asparagus, bananas, chocolate, figs, and oysters , etc., are renown for sparking romance.
*) A food, drink, or drug that stimulates sexual desire
Asparagus
According to European lore, this member of the lily family could set just the right tone for your romantic evening in.
In 19th-century France, grooms were given three servings of this natural aphrodisiac before - ahem - moving on to dessert (of the calorie-burning sort). The added ginger will help stimulate the circulatory system.
Almonds
Long regarded as a symbol of fertility, almonds are high in vitamin E, magnesium, and fiber. But it's the aroma that makes this dish a sensual feast - the smell of almonds is said to arouse desire and passion in women.
Avocado
As shapely as a woman, this creamy fruit was once regarded as so obscene in Old World Spain that Catholic priests forbade their parishioners to eat it.
Related: Romantic Valentine's Day Dinner Recipes
Bananas
The phallic*) shape of this potassium-rich fruit makes it an aphrodisiac food acknowledged the world over. According to an Islamic myth, after Adam and Eve succumbed to the apple, they covered their nudity with banana leaves.
*) shape of male genital
Basil
The ancient Greeks praised basil for its power to cure headaches, so no more excuses. It also promotes circulation and heats up the body.
Chocolate Truffles
As if you need an excuse to eat chocolate, or truffles, this is sure to pack a one-two punch of romance into any occasion. Chocolate is a natural source of serotonin, and truffles are downright sexy.
Related: Chocolate Dessert Recipes
Arugula
Frequently used in salads and pastas, this spicy, leafy green has been considered an aphrodisiac since the first century A.D.
Garlic
Garlic is said to cure the common cold, heart ailments, and bland meals. While some consider this pungent seasoning more of a romance killer (because of its smell), it's actually an aphrodisiac that can add flavor to your love life
Eggs
According to legend, eating raw chicken eggs before sex arouses your libido*). Ick. Fingers crossed, cooked eggs provide a similar intoxication. High in vitamins B5 and B6, eggs balance hormone levels and fight stress.
*) do NOT eat raw eggs - they may have deadly bacteria/viruses-- boil or better, yet- steam them (for 20 min.)
Related: 7 New Date-Night Ideas
Figs
Figs are said to have been Cleopatra's favorite fruit. To quote When Harry Met Sally, "I'll have what she's having."
Oysters
Oysters are brimming with zinc, which raises sperm and testosterone production, and his libido. They are also high in omega-3, which wards off depression and promotes general well-being. Maybe the saying should be "happy as an oyster!"
Beer
Believe it or not, some consider stout beer an aphrodisiac. A man is assuredly responsible for this rumor, but why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Next time you make him some chili, just add Guinness.
Related: Best Valentine's Day Gifts Under $35
Chile Peppers
To spice things up, pick fiery peppers. They're chock full of capsaicin, a body-temperature and heart-rate booster that'll get you hot and bothered in a flash.
Honey
Long recognized as a passion kick-starter, this sweetener is packed with fast-acting simple sugars - great for some instant pep anytime, anywhere.
Red Wine
Get in the habit of quaffing vino regularly, and sparks could fly: According to Italian scientists, a daily glass (not a bottle) of red can send your lust into overdrive.
Pomegranate Juice
Hello, liquid Viagra! Researchers have found that drinking this can lift testosterone levels up to 30% - which makes men and women feel friskier. BUT: have fresh, soft pomegranates and make a drink in your blender.
____________________________________________________
Will longer school year help or hurt US students?
Date: 1/14/13
Did your kids moan that winter break was way too short as you got them ready for the first day back in school? They might get their wish of more holiday time off under proposals catching on around the country to lengthen the school year.
But there's a catch: a much shorter summer vacation.
Education Secretary Arne Duncan, a chief proponent of the longer school year, says American students have fallen behind the world academically.
"Whether educators have more time to enrich instruction or students have more time to learn how to play an instrument and write computer code, adding meaningful in-school hours is a critical investment that better prepares children to be successful in the 21st century," he said in December when five states announced they would add at least 300 hours to the academic calendar in some schools beginning this year.
The three-year pilot project will affect about 20,000 students in 40 schools in Colorado, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New York and Tennessee.
Proponents argue that too much knowledge is lost while American kids wile away the summer months apart from their lessons. The National Summer Learning Association cites decades of research that shows students' test scores are higher in the same subjects at the beginning of the summer than at the end.
"The research is very clear about that," said Charles Ballinger, executive director emeritus of theNational Association for Year-Round School in San Diego. "The only ones who don't lose are the upper 10 to 15 percent of the student body. Those tend to be gifted, college-bound, they're natural learners who will learn wherever they are."
Supporters also say a longer school year would give poor children more access to school-provided healthy meals.
Yet the movement has plenty of detractors — so many that Ballinger sometimes feels like the Grinch trying to steal Christmas.
"I had a parent at one meeting say, 'I want my child to lie on his back in the grass watching the clouds in the sky during the day and the moon and stars at night,'" Ballinger recalled. "I thought, 'Oh, my. Most kids do that for two, three, maybe four days, then say, 'What's next?''"
But opponents aren't simply dreamy romantics.
Besides the outdoor opportunities for pent up youngsters, they say families already are beholden to the school calendar for three seasons out of four. Summer breaks, they say, are needed to provide an academic respite for students' overwrought minds, and to provide time with family and the flexibility to travel and study favorite subjects in more depth. They note that advocates of year-round school cannot point to any evidence that it brings appreciable academic benefits.
"I do believe that if children have not mastered a subject that, within a week, personally, I see a slide in my own child," said Tina Bruno, executive director of the Coalition for a Traditional School Calendar. "That's where the idea of parental involvement and parental responsibility in education comes in, because our children cannot and should not be in school seven days a week, 365 days a year."
Bruno is part of a "Save Our Summers" alliance of parents, grandparents, educational professionals and some summer-time recreation providers fighting year-round school. Local chapters carry names such as Georgians Need Summers, Texans for a Traditional School Year and Save Alabama Summers.
Camps, hotel operators and other summer-specific industries raise red flags about the potential economic effect.
The debate has divided parents and educators.
School days shorter than work days and summer breaks that extend to as many as 12 weeks in some areas run up against increasing political pressure from working households — 30 percent of which are headed by women. These families must fill the gaps with afterschool programs, day care, babysitters and camps.
"Particularly where there are single parents or where both parents are working, they prefer to provide care for three weeks at a time rather than three months at a time," Ballinger said.
The National Center on Time & Learning has estimated that about 1,000 districts have adopted longer school days or years.
Some places that have tried the year-round calendar, including Salt Lake City, Las Vegas and parts of California, have returned to the traditional approach. Strapped budgets and parental dissatisfaction were among reasons.
School years are extended based on three basic models:
—stretching the traditional 180 days of school across the whole calendar year by lengthening spring and winter breaks and shortening the one in the summer.
—adding 20 to 30 actual days of instruction to the 180-day calendar.
—dividing students and staff into groups, typically four, and rotating three through at a time, with one on vacation, throughout the calendar year.
At the heart of the debate is nothing less than the ability of America's workforce to compete globally.
The U.S. remains in the top dozen or so countries in all tested subjects. But even where U.S. student scores have improved, many other nations have improved much faster, leaving American students far behind peers in Asia and Europe.
Still, data are far from clear that more hours behind a desk can help.
A Center for Public Education review found that students in India and China — countries Duncan has pointed to as giving children more classroom time than the U.S. — don't actually spend more time in school than American kids, when disparate data are converted to apples-to-apples comparisons.
The center, an initiative of the National School Boards Association, found 42 U.S. states require more than 800 instructional hours a year for their youngest students, and that's more than India does.
Opponents of extended school point out that states such as Minnesota and Massachusetts steadily shine on standardized achievement tests while preserving their summer break with a post-Labor Day school start.
"It makes sense that more time is going to equate to more learning, but then you have to equate that to more professional development for teachers — will that get more bang for the buck?" said Patte Barth, the center's director. "I look at it, and teachers and instruction are still the most important factor more so than time."
The center's study also found that some nations that outperform the U.S. academically, such as Finland, require less school.
Many schools are experimenting with the less controversial, less costly interim step of lengthening the school day instead of adding days to the school year.
Chicago's public schools extended the school day from 5 hours and 45 minutes to 7 hours last year after a heated offensive by unionized teachers and some parents. Mayor Rahm Emanuel, former chief of staff to Duncan's boss, President Barack Obama, initially pushed an even longer school day — a major sticking point in this year's seven-day teachers' strike. He and other proponents argued that having the shortest school day among the nation's 50 largest districts and one of the shortest school years had put Chicago's children at a competitive disadvantage.
Wendy Katten, executive director of Raise Your Hand for Illinois Public Education, said opponents held back a push for a 7.5-hour school day, and got an extra staff person assigned to each school to handle the additional hour and 15 minutes of school time.
In San Diego, year-round school has been a reality since the 1970s.
District spokesman Jack Brandais said the concept was initially intended to relieve crowding, not improve performance test scores. The student body and staff were divided into four groups, with three attending school at any given time.
Through decades of fine-tuning, Brandais said the district now runs both traditional and year-round tracks simultaneously.
A 2007 study by Ohio State University sociologist Paul von Hippel found virtually no difference in the academic gains of students who followed a traditional nine-month school calendar and those educated the same number of days spread across the entire year.
Amid budget cuts and teacher layoffs, San Diego has cut five instructional days from both year-round and traditional schedules since last year.
___
Online:
The National Summer Learning Association: http://www.summerlearning.org
National Association for Year-Round School: http://www.nayre.org
Coalition for a Traditional School Year: http://schoolyear.info
National Center on Time & Learning: http://www.timeandlearning.org
National School Boards Association's Center for Public Education: http://tinyurl.com/88zauew
Center for Public Education: http://www.centerforpubliceducation.org
Source: AP
This is for your private use, only
Can be used for educational purposes
________________________________________________________
Brooklyn, NYC, resident wins Miss America crown
Date: January 2013
The news article below
after STAF, Inc.'s comments written by Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
For what reason did we at the STAF, Inc. place this article in a tab
handling "divorce, separation, child abuse" and related topics ?
The 2013 Miss America, Ms. Mallory Hagan of Brooklyn, New York City, told:
Her platform, the issue she will promote during her reign,
is fighting child sexual abuse - her own family has had that problem
Ms. Mallory Hagan is going to be a great ambassador nationwide & worldwide
The educational goal
STAF, Inc. wants all family related matters, including any type of child abuse, become an educational topic in every school, college & university in America as it is already in many developed nations worldwide.
For this and many other important family success purposes STAF, Inc.'s presence in D.C. is necessary to educate the U.S. Congress and all related lawmakers to create new legislation for our nation to save the most important human relationship, marriage, and to save the future generations having our innocent children growing up in a mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially healthy family atmosphere leading to a stronger, richer, more powerful America as the leader not only of the "free world" but of the whole world.
To achieve these most important goals for us and for our country, STAF, Inc.'s founding President, Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., will seek a seat in The U.S. Congress.
In addition, STAF, Inc. is working on establishing a new federal agency and have Dr. Christian as its first director: Healthy Lifestyle & Successful American Family Agency (not a final name).
The new federal agency will handle all life topics and create for every American family a better road to health, wealth & success. A new road that is not covered with pain and suffering but with happiness and superior results.
_________
One important fact: a parental separation or divorce is one of the worst kinds of child abuse - see the list of what life-destroying disasters every child will face in a parental separation or divorce.
The list is placed in several locations in this tab and in this website, also below just after this article.
In a divorce or separation every child will suffer of the Broken Family Syndrome™ - so will both spouses. A traditionally done marriage can ALWAYS be healed - because such a marriage had originally Real Love between the 2 spouses; Real Love NEVER dies.
STAF, Inc.'s new "RAM - Restoring Any Marriage"™
technology gets the happy results. STAF, Inc.'s new methods will return "The Heavenly Happiness" which is even deeper than the 1st day of the parental honeymoon.
The service is guaranteed with a lifetime result-guarantee with only a one-time fee - as are nine other STAF, Inc.'s special personal services (all listed in STAF, in this website).
No one anywhere dares giving a similar guarantee. Contact STAF, Inc.'s superior Marriage Restorers™
and other STAF, Inc.'s service topic givers to save your whole family.
_________
The news article on January, 14, 2013
Brooklyn, NYC, resident wins Miss America crown
LAS VEGAS, 1/13/13, (AP) — A 23-year-old blonde from Brooklyn, N.Y., won the Miss America crown Saturday night after deftly dealing with a question about armed guards in schools and raising the issue of child sexual abuse in her contestant platform.
En route to her victory in the Las Vegas pageant, Mallory Hagan also tap danced to James Brown's "Get Up Off of That Thing," strutted down the runway in an asymmetrical white gown, and donned a revealing black string bikini.
She defeated Miss South Carolina Ali Rogers, who took second, and Miss Oklahoma Alicia Clifton, who finished third.
Hagan wins a $50,000 college scholarship and a year as an instant celebrity and role model to many girls. Her platform, the issue she will promote during her reign, is fighting child sexual abuse.
She told The Associated Press in an interview after her win that it was her mother who encouraged her to tackle the issue. She said that sexual abuse had "rippled through" her family, touching her mother, aunt, grandmother and cousins. Her mother had trouble at first convincing others of the trauma she had faced.
"That kind of sent her into a whirlwind of anxiety and depression. So as a teen I lost my mom kind of for a couple years," she said. "She was dealing with her own issues, and that's something that now as an adult I understand, but then I certainly did not."
During an interview backstage, Hagan's mother Mandy Moore wiped tears away as she spoke.
"It's very overwhelming," she said. "It's all hitting me so fast."
Hagan said she will work to make child abuse education mandatory in all 50 states.
"It's something I can hopefully change for the next generation," she said.
Hagan left her native Alabama for New York at 18 with less than $1,000 in her pocket. She began competing in pageants when she was 13 and tried for Miss New York in 2010 and 2011 before winning last year.
She studied communications at the Fashion Institute of Technology and has been living in the Park Slope neighborhood of Brooklyn.
Hagan, who aspires to be a global cosmetic company executive, ends a long dry spell for New York in the competition. The previous winner from that state was actress Vanessa Williams, who became the first black winner when she took the crown in 1984. Hagan is the first Brooklyn-dweller to claim the title.
She was good enough during preliminary contests for the 92nd annual Miss America pageant to be chosen as one of 16 semifinalists who moved on to compete in the main show. Her bid lasted through swimsuit, evening wear, and talent competitions that saw cuts after each round.
In the final moments of the show, "Good Morning America" weatherman Sam Champion asked her if schools should hire armed guards in the wake of the Newtown, Conn. shooting.
"I don't think the proper was to fight violence is with violence," she replied. "I think the proper way is to educate people on guns and the ways we can use them properly. We can lock them up, we can have gun safety classes, we can have a longer waiting period."
Hagan defeated titleholders from all 50 states plus the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Several of her competitors had grabbed headlines this year because of their backstories.
Miss District of Columbia plans to undergo a preventive double mastectomy to reduce her risk of breast cancer, which killed her mother and grandmother.
Miss Montana was the pageant's first autistic contestant. Miss Iowa has Tourette's syndrome. And Miss Maine lost more than 50 pounds before winning her state crown.
During the opening number at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino on the Las Vegas Strip, when all the queens gave short quips about their states, Hagan referenced last year's superstorm, saying, "Sandy may have been swept away our shores but never our spirit."
The pageant, which started as little more than an Atlantic City bathing suit revue, broke viewership records in its heyday and bills itself as one of the world's largest scholarships programs for women.
But like other pageants, the show has struggled to stay relevant as national attitudes regarding women's rights have changed. More recently, the rise of reality television has provided a superabundance of options for Americans interested in seeing attractive young people in competitive pursuits.
Hagan's boyfriend Charmel Maynard said he knows that pageants are dismissed by some, but he hopes Hagan's willingness to take on the sexual abuse issue will lend legitimacy to her new role.
"I don't think it's taken seriously, but I think she's going to be a great ambassador and it could change," he said.
News source: AP
Important: study the above article and STAF, Inc.'s comments
- It is worth of your time-
As every article in this website is
_______________________________________________________________
Date: January 2013
The news article below
after STAF, Inc.'s comments written by Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
For what reason did we at the STAF, Inc. place this article in a tab
handling "divorce, separation, child abuse" and related topics ?
The 2013 Miss America, Ms. Mallory Hagan of Brooklyn, New York City, told:
Her platform, the issue she will promote during her reign,
is fighting child sexual abuse - her own family has had that problem
Ms. Mallory Hagan is going to be a great ambassador nationwide & worldwide
The educational goal
STAF, Inc. wants all family related matters, including any type of child abuse, become an educational topic in every school, college & university in America as it is already in many developed nations worldwide.
For this and many other important family success purposes STAF, Inc.'s presence in D.C. is necessary to educate the U.S. Congress and all related lawmakers to create new legislation for our nation to save the most important human relationship, marriage, and to save the future generations having our innocent children growing up in a mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially healthy family atmosphere leading to a stronger, richer, more powerful America as the leader not only of the "free world" but of the whole world.
To achieve these most important goals for us and for our country, STAF, Inc.'s founding President, Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., will seek a seat in The U.S. Congress.
In addition, STAF, Inc. is working on establishing a new federal agency and have Dr. Christian as its first director: Healthy Lifestyle & Successful American Family Agency (not a final name).
The new federal agency will handle all life topics and create for every American family a better road to health, wealth & success. A new road that is not covered with pain and suffering but with happiness and superior results.
_________
One important fact: a parental separation or divorce is one of the worst kinds of child abuse - see the list of what life-destroying disasters every child will face in a parental separation or divorce.
The list is placed in several locations in this tab and in this website, also below just after this article.
In a divorce or separation every child will suffer of the Broken Family Syndrome™ - so will both spouses. A traditionally done marriage can ALWAYS be healed - because such a marriage had originally Real Love between the 2 spouses; Real Love NEVER dies.
STAF, Inc.'s new "RAM - Restoring Any Marriage"™
technology gets the happy results. STAF, Inc.'s new methods will return "The Heavenly Happiness" which is even deeper than the 1st day of the parental honeymoon.
The service is guaranteed with a lifetime result-guarantee with only a one-time fee - as are nine other STAF, Inc.'s special personal services (all listed in STAF, in this website).
No one anywhere dares giving a similar guarantee. Contact STAF, Inc.'s superior Marriage Restorers™
and other STAF, Inc.'s service topic givers to save your whole family.
_________
The news article on January, 14, 2013
Brooklyn, NYC, resident wins Miss America crown
LAS VEGAS, 1/13/13, (AP) — A 23-year-old blonde from Brooklyn, N.Y., won the Miss America crown Saturday night after deftly dealing with a question about armed guards in schools and raising the issue of child sexual abuse in her contestant platform.
En route to her victory in the Las Vegas pageant, Mallory Hagan also tap danced to James Brown's "Get Up Off of That Thing," strutted down the runway in an asymmetrical white gown, and donned a revealing black string bikini.
She defeated Miss South Carolina Ali Rogers, who took second, and Miss Oklahoma Alicia Clifton, who finished third.
Hagan wins a $50,000 college scholarship and a year as an instant celebrity and role model to many girls. Her platform, the issue she will promote during her reign, is fighting child sexual abuse.
She told The Associated Press in an interview after her win that it was her mother who encouraged her to tackle the issue. She said that sexual abuse had "rippled through" her family, touching her mother, aunt, grandmother and cousins. Her mother had trouble at first convincing others of the trauma she had faced.
"That kind of sent her into a whirlwind of anxiety and depression. So as a teen I lost my mom kind of for a couple years," she said. "She was dealing with her own issues, and that's something that now as an adult I understand, but then I certainly did not."
During an interview backstage, Hagan's mother Mandy Moore wiped tears away as she spoke.
"It's very overwhelming," she said. "It's all hitting me so fast."
Hagan said she will work to make child abuse education mandatory in all 50 states.
"It's something I can hopefully change for the next generation," she said.
Hagan left her native Alabama for New York at 18 with less than $1,000 in her pocket. She began competing in pageants when she was 13 and tried for Miss New York in 2010 and 2011 before winning last year.
She studied communications at the Fashion Institute of Technology and has been living in the Park Slope neighborhood of Brooklyn.
Hagan, who aspires to be a global cosmetic company executive, ends a long dry spell for New York in the competition. The previous winner from that state was actress Vanessa Williams, who became the first black winner when she took the crown in 1984. Hagan is the first Brooklyn-dweller to claim the title.
She was good enough during preliminary contests for the 92nd annual Miss America pageant to be chosen as one of 16 semifinalists who moved on to compete in the main show. Her bid lasted through swimsuit, evening wear, and talent competitions that saw cuts after each round.
In the final moments of the show, "Good Morning America" weatherman Sam Champion asked her if schools should hire armed guards in the wake of the Newtown, Conn. shooting.
"I don't think the proper was to fight violence is with violence," she replied. "I think the proper way is to educate people on guns and the ways we can use them properly. We can lock them up, we can have gun safety classes, we can have a longer waiting period."
Hagan defeated titleholders from all 50 states plus the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Several of her competitors had grabbed headlines this year because of their backstories.
Miss District of Columbia plans to undergo a preventive double mastectomy to reduce her risk of breast cancer, which killed her mother and grandmother.
Miss Montana was the pageant's first autistic contestant. Miss Iowa has Tourette's syndrome. And Miss Maine lost more than 50 pounds before winning her state crown.
During the opening number at the Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino on the Las Vegas Strip, when all the queens gave short quips about their states, Hagan referenced last year's superstorm, saying, "Sandy may have been swept away our shores but never our spirit."
The pageant, which started as little more than an Atlantic City bathing suit revue, broke viewership records in its heyday and bills itself as one of the world's largest scholarships programs for women.
But like other pageants, the show has struggled to stay relevant as national attitudes regarding women's rights have changed. More recently, the rise of reality television has provided a superabundance of options for Americans interested in seeing attractive young people in competitive pursuits.
Hagan's boyfriend Charmel Maynard said he knows that pageants are dismissed by some, but he hopes Hagan's willingness to take on the sexual abuse issue will lend legitimacy to her new role.
"I don't think it's taken seriously, but I think she's going to be a great ambassador and it could change," he said.
News source: AP
Important: study the above article and STAF, Inc.'s comments
- It is worth of your time-
As every article in this website is
_______________________________________________________________
12 disasters your child is facing
in a divorce or in a separation
Are you willing to risk your child falling in the disasters listed below ?
Are you willing to risk your child becoming a sociopath and a criminal monster?
? ? ?
CHILD GROWING UP IN A
SINGLE-PARENT
FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY WITHOUT
A FATHER
(1) Faces overall increased risks to health and welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) seriously increased risk of having a stroke
during his/her life time. For # 12 risk see a detailed article further below
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the disasters listed above
?
STAF, Inc. calls it The broken family syndrome™
in a divorce or in a separation
Are you willing to risk your child falling in the disasters listed below ?
Are you willing to risk your child becoming a sociopath and a criminal monster?
? ? ?
CHILD GROWING UP IN A
SINGLE-PARENT
FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY WITHOUT
A FATHER
(1) Faces overall increased risks to health and welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) seriously increased risk of having a stroke
during his/her life time. For # 12 risk see a detailed article further below
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the disasters listed above
?
STAF, Inc. calls it The broken family syndrome™
The Ultimate Amenity: Grandparents
A Grand Help & Child Care Solution
Amenity:
(1) A desirable or useful feature or facility of a building or place
(2) The pleasantness of a place or a person
Click green below for further info
THE unlikely new custodians of the nuclear family are young, urban and inextricably caught up in their careers: Do not expect them to flee the city for the suburban lawns and balms of their wonder years. They don’t want to go home again, not even if or when their lives start to be accessorized by cradles, strollers, pacifiers, pediatrician appointments and nannies. They prefer to customize the complexities of the city to fit their needs, not escape the city for simpler climes.
But sometimes there is a missing link, and repairing it entails not just importing, but sheltering, a key ingredient of the traditional family: the grandparent(s). And sacrificing privacy is not part of the new deal.
“The win-win is to have the grandparents live close, but not live with,” said Esther Rein, a Corcoran Group agent, whose client Barbara Yastine just spent $875,000 for a sun-filled co-op with a terrace in a full-service complex hard by the condo where she lives with her husband and their 8-year-old twin daughters. The co-op’s intended resident is her mother, Ann Yastine.
Its next-door locale, not an accident, ensures that the twins can dash down the sidewalk to visit their grandmother without having to cross a street when she moves in next month; conversely, if grandma wants to pop over for a quick visit, the commute is obstacle-free.
“This is a way for my mother to be more involved in our life, which I’ve wanted to happen for years,” Barbara Yastine said. “But the notion that she’s staying in our playroom and sleeping on a pullout couch a couple of days every week is not the same as her having her own space. Then it suddenly dawned on me that we had an alternative right next door. She’s not really a city person, but I’m hopeful that moving her into a wonderful building that is part of our block family, where we already knew the doormen, will be a positive for us all.”
Isabella Nguyen, the leasing director at Newport, a waterfront development in Jersey City, says half a dozen young Manhattanites, primarily daughters shopping for apartments for their mothers, have signed leases in the past few months. “Close, but not too close,” she said. “The applications are for the parents, but what we’re seeing is that the guarantors on the paperwork are the children.”
The notion of parents giving their children city apartments — or the down payments that make them possible — is nothing new. But in this new incarnation of ties that bind, there has been a generational flip-flop in the roles of giver and receiver. It is the children — a fiscally solvent generation in their 30s and 40s — supplying urban apartments for their parents.
“In the nicest possible version,” said Joanne Firstenberg, a senior vice president of Douglas Elliman Real Estate, “it is about children who want to be closer to their parents, and also want their parents to enjoy the amenities like elevators and doormen that come with a full-service building.”
She recently represented two brothers in their 30s who helped buy a $505,000 Lincoln Towers co-op for their retired parents. The brothers, both married and living on the Upper West Side, wanted their parents nearby as opposed to living in their native Moscow.
Ms. Firstenberg said she looked at 40 apartments before finding the right one: affordable, spacious and with a board amenable to a son’s co-signing a co-op package on behalf of his 65-year-old parents. The move-in date is late December, and the family is over the moon.
Securing the parental nest took some doing. “Condos were too expensive; with condops the maintenance was too high,” Ms. Firstenberg explained. “And with co-ops the hardest thing was the board process, which was incredibly complex and difficult, because co-ops are used to parents buying for children, but not the reverse.”
Ms. Yastine, the president of Ally Bank, agonized for years about the best way to bridge the interstate gap between herself and her mother, who lived alone in the family house in New Jersey. After her mother broke a hip last year, she convalesced for several months at Ms. Yastine’s condo before returning to New Jersey. That’s when Ms. Yastine got serious about formulating a plan to give her mother a stronger incentive to come into the city.
“The reality,” she said, “is that she doesn’t want to leave her home, doesn’t want to go into any kind of assisted-living facility, and I want to be there for her as much as possible. But the last thing we have time for is a regular commute to New Jersey. So this is a new chapter.
“Her building,” Ms. Yastine continued, “provides all sorts of services, has a diverse range of residents, some of whom are her age and use walkers just like she does, and even has a garage, which I’m going to benefit from. And she’ll be able to walk to the grocery store without having to cross a street.
“I wish it was as simple as writing a check and solving a problem; it’s not. But I’m hoping this is a happy medium for us.”
The catalyst for this specialized (for proximity’s sake, the hunt is often limited to a specific building or block), and emotionally fraught (buying a home for parents can be mistaken for an infringement on their independence) real estate transaction is frequently a desire to create an environment where grandparents and grandchildren share more than just holiday face time.
“I call it the ‘in with granny, out with nanny’ syndrome,” said Leslie Lazarus, a certified relocation professional with DJK Residential. “It used to be that we were asked to look for apartments that had an extra room for the nanny. But lately what I’m seeing is young adults who want their parents more integrated into their lives.”
When Ms. Lazarus began working with Garin Toren, an owner of Striata, a software company, and his wife, Dr. Tanya Vaysman, an orthodontist, they had already moved her parents from New Jersey into a rented apartment in the Upper East Side building where they own a two-bedroom condominium. The motive: Dr. Vaysman, pregnant with their first child, needed dependable help so that she could resume seeing patients after the baby, Joshua, was born.
Her mother, Luba Vaysman, quit her job at a hospital to become Joshua’s full-time caregiver, and two weeks after his birth, Dr. Vaysman returned to her office two blocks away on East 87th Street.
Although she was happy to help her daughter, Mrs. Vaysman said it took slightly over a year before the Upper East Side neighborhood felt like home to her and her husband, Gregory, who works for the Metropolitan Transportation Authority.
“It was hard to leave our house,” she said, “but the family circle comes first. And if my daughter wants to pay me with a nice apartment so that I care for the baby and she never has to hire a stranger, then I am all right with it.”
Last year, with thoughts of again expanding their family, Mr. Toren and his wife decided they needed a larger apartment, preferably a penthouse with a terrace. They gave Ms. Lazarus a double assignment: Locate a three-bedroom apartment in their preferred Upper East Side quadrant and find a two-bedroom in the same building for Dr. Vaysman’s parents.
She found them a penthouse at 225 East 86th Street, but that building offered no two-bedrooms; ultimately they decided to buy a penthouse at Lexington and 90th Street that had belonged to Star Jones and boasted a knockout terrace. But they held onto their condo at Lexington and 85th for Gregory and Luba Vaysman. The duplicate moves were made in March.
“In a city where family relationships can become fragmented just because everyone is so busy with work,” Mr. Toren said, “we are incredibly lucky. I can never put a price on how fortunate we are to have our children raised by a family member.”
That the living arrangements are separate constitutes a considerable financial commitment for the givers: this is not about installing a pullout sofa in a spare room and moving Grandma in.
“They don’t want to be under the same roof,” said Ms. Nguyen of Newport, where rents range from $2,400 to $3,400. “But the kids who are doing the buying and lease-signing have a very clear wish list of the type of place they want their parent to live: good views and good security are a must.”
Melissa Sawyer, a Manhattan lawyer, hoped to find a rental in Manhattan for her mother, Anne Villers, a retired teacher whose large house in Beaufort, S.C., had become too difficult to manage on her own.
But with an initial monthly budget of $2,400, Ms. Sawyer and her mother, who actively participated in the late-summer search, saw nothing livable. Ms. Sawyer and her husband, Eric Kaplan, a banker, own the Union Square apartment where they live with their 2-year-old son, Sawyer, but Ms. Villers decided that neighborhood was too noisy in addition to being too expensive. She liked Roosevelt Island for its quiet and water vistas, but the few available apartments were overpriced and undersized.
“We looked everywhere,” Ms. Sawyer said. “My husband and I even considered buying her a place because the rents were so ridiculously high, but my mother wasn’t quite comfortable with that idea. I think she wanted the flexibility of a rental.” She also needed a dog-friendly abode.
On a whim, they took a PATH train to Jersey City and scoped out the leasing office at Newport. To their mutual surprise, they liked a two-bedroom unit, but Ms. Villers had been unable to sell her home, so it was too soon to commit.
In October, the house sold, and Ms. Sawyer leased another unit at Aquablu, Newport’s newest tower, for her mother, at $3,300 a month sight unseen. “We took a virtual tour,” she said. “It’s a big financial commitment for us, not an easy no-brainer, but we realized we’d rather spend whatever extra money we have on keeping the family close.”
Ms. Villers and her dog, Carmen, a Carolina dingo, have already moved in, and she is enjoying the waterfront views, the boardwalk, the convenient services and the three-stop commute to Union Square. “I wasn’t going to be part of my grandson’s life if I stayed in South Carolina,” she said.
Sachiko T. Goodman, a managing director of Douglas Elliman, was asked by a client who lives at the Dorchester Towers on the Upper West Side to find an apartment there for his mother, who lived alone in New Jersey. “It’s not so easy to find an apartment when you are limited to looking at one building and looking for a specific size on a specific floor,” Ms. Goodman said. “It took two years. Lots of patience.” It also took $899,000.
“Usually it’s the other way around, the parent buys for the child,” Ms. Goodman said. “But doing it this way can make the families happy, too.”
Source: NYT
This article is for your private use, only
except can be used for educational purposes
Click green above for further info
_________________________________________________________
THIS is what poverty sometimes looks like in America:
Parents here in Appalachian hill country pulling
their children out of literacy classes
Dated: December 2012
JACKSON, Ky. -Moms and dads fear that if kids learn to read, they are less likely to qualify for a monthly check for having an intellectual disability.
Many people in hillside mobile homes here are poor and desperate, and a $698 monthly check per child from the Supplemental Security Income program goes a long way — and those checks continue until the child turns 18.
“The kids get taken out of the program because the parents are going to lose the check,” said Billie Oaks, who runs a literacy program here in Breathitt County, a poor part of Kentucky. “It’s heartbreaking.”
This is painful for a liberal to admit, but conservatives have a point when they suggest that America’s safety net can sometimes entangle people in a soul-crushing dependency. Our poverty programs do rescue many people, but other times they backfire.
Some young people here don’t join the military (a traditional escape route for poor, rural Americans) because it’s easier to rely on food stamps and disability payments.
Antipoverty programs also discourage marriage: In a means-tested program like S.S.I., a woman raising a child may receive a bigger check if she refrains from marrying that hard-working guy she likes. Yet marriage is one of the best forces to blunt poverty. In married couple households only one child in 10 grows up in poverty, while almost half do in single-mother households.
Most wrenching of all are the parents who think it’s best if a child stays illiterate, because then the family may be able to claim a disability check each month.
“One of the ways you get on this program is having problems in school,” notes Richard V. Burkhauser, a Cornell University economist who co-wrote a book last year about these disability programs. “If you do better in school, you threaten the income of the parents. It’s a terrible incentive.”
About four decades ago, most of the children S.S.I. covered had severe physical handicaps or mental retardation that made it difficult for parents to hold jobs — about 1 percent of all poor children. But now 55 percent of the disabilities it covers are fuzzier intellectual disabilities short of mental retardation, where the diagnosis is less clear-cut. More than 1.2 million children across America — a full 8 percent of all low-income children — are now enrolled in S.S.I. as disabled, at an annual cost of more than $9 billion.
That is a burden on taxpayers, of course, but it can be even worse for children whose families have a huge stake in their failing in school. Those kids may never recover: a 2009 study found that nearly two-thirds of these children make the transition at age 18 into S.S.I. for the adult disabled. They may never hold a job in their entire lives and are condemned to a life of poverty on the dole — and that’s the outcome of a program intended to fight poverty.
THERE’S no doubt that some families with seriously disabled children receive a lifeline from S.S.I. But the bottom line is that we shouldn’t try to fight poverty with a program that sometimes perpetuates it.
A local school district official, Melanie Stevens, puts it this way: “The greatest challenge we face as educators is how to break that dependency on government. In second grade, they have a dream. In seventh grade, they have a plan.”
There’s a danger in drawing too firm conclusions about an issue — fighting poverty — that is as complex as human beings themselves. I’m no expert on domestic poverty. But for me, a tentative lesson from the field is that while we need safety nets, the focus should be instead on creating opportunity — and, still more difficult, on creating an environment that leads people to seize opportunities.
To see what that might mean, I tagged along with Save the Children, the aid group we tend to think of as active in Sudan or Somalia. It’s also in the opportunity business right here in the United States, in places like the mobile home of Britny Hurley — and it provides a model of what does work.
Ms. Hurley, 19, is amiable and speaks quickly with a strong hill accent, so that at times I had trouble understanding her. Ms. Hurley says that she was raped by a family member when she was 12, and that another family member then introduced her to narcotics. She became an addict, she says, mostly to prescription painkillers that are widely trafficked here.
Equipped with a crackling intelligence, Ms. Hurley once aspired to be a doctor. But her addictions and a rebellious nature got her kicked out of high school, and at 16 she became engaged to a boyfriend and soon had his baby.
Yet there are ways of breaking this cycle. That’s what Save the Children is doing here, working with children while they’re still malleable, and it’s an approach that should be a centerpiece of America’s antipoverty program. Almost anytime the question is poverty, the answer is children.
Save the Children trains community members to make home visits to at-risk moms like Ms. Hurley, and help nurture the skills they need in the world’s toughest job: parenting. These visits begin in pregnancy and continue until the child is 3 years old.
I followed Courtney Trent, 22, one of these early childhood coordinators, as she visited a series of houses. She encourages the mothers (and the fathers, if they’re around) to read to the children, tell stories, talk to them, hug them. If the parents can’t read, then Ms. Trent encourages them to flip the pages on picture books and talk about what they see.
Ms. Trent brings a few books on each visit, and takes back the ones she had left the previous time. Many of the homes she visits don’t own a single children’s book.
She sat on the floor in Ms. Hurley’s living room, pulled a book out of her bag, and encouraged her to read to her 20-month-old son, Landon. Ms. Hurley said that she was never read to as a child, but she was determined to change the pattern.
“I just want him to go to school,” she said of Landon. “I want him to go to college and get out of this place.” Ms. Hurley said she was clean of drugs, working full time at a Wendy’s, and hoping to go back to school to become a nurse. I’d bet on her — and on Landon.
“When kids come to us through this program and come here, we can see a big difference,” Ron Combs, the principal at Lyndon B. Johnson Elementary School here, told me. “They’re really ready to go. Otherwise, we have kids so far behind that they struggle to catch up.
“By second or third grade, you have a pretty good feeling about who’s going to drop out,” he added.
A group of teachers were in the room, and they all nodded. Wayne Sizemore, director of special education in Breathitt County, puts it this way: “The earlier we can get them, the better. It’s like building a foundation for a house.”
I don’t want to suggest that America’s antipoverty programs are a total failure. On the contrary, they are making a significant difference. Nearly all homes here in the Appalachian hill country now have electricity and running water, and people aren’t starving.
Our political system has created a particularly robust safety net for the elderly, focused on Social Security and Medicare — because the elderly vote. This safety net has brought down the poverty rate among the elderly from about 35 percent in 1959 to under 9 percent today.
BECAUSE kids don’t have a political voice, they have been neglected — and have replaced the elderly as the most impoverished age group in our country. Today, 22 percent of children live below the poverty line.
Of American families living in poverty today, 8 out of 10 have air-conditioning, and a majority have a washing machine and dryer. Nearly all have microwave ovens. What they don’t have is hope. You see it here in the town of Jackson, in the teenage girls hanging out by the bridge over the north fork of the Kentucky River, seeking to trade their bodies for prescription painkillers or methamphetamines.
A growing body of careful research suggests that the most effective strategy is to work early on children and education, and to try to encourage and sustain marriage. Bravo to Mayor Julián Castro of San Antonio for backing a landmark initiative to add one-eighth of 1 percent to the local sales tax to finance a prekindergarten program. Early interventions are not a silver bullet, and even programs that succeed as experiments often fall short when scaled up. But we end up paying for poverty one way or another, and early childhood education is far cheaper than adult incarceration. I hope that the budget negotiations in Washington may offer us a chance to take money from S.S.I. and invest in early childhood initiatives instead.
One reason antipoverty initiatives don’t get traction in America is that the issue is simply invisible.
“People don’t want to talk about poverty in America,” Mark Shriver, who runs the domestic programs of Save the Children, noted as we drove through Kentucky. “We talk more about poverty in Africa than we do about poverty in America.”
Indeed, in the 2012 election campaign, poverty was barely mentioned. A study by Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting, a liberal watchdog organization, found substantive discussion of poverty in just 0.2 percent of campaign news reports.
Look, there are no magic wands, and helping people is hard. One woman I met, Anastasia McCormick, told me that her $500 car had just broken down and she had to walk two miles each way to her job at a pizza restaurant. That’s going to get harder because she’s pregnant with twins, due in April.
At some point, Ms. McCormick won’t be able to hold that job anymore, and then she’ll have trouble paying the bills. She has rented a washer and dryer, but she’s behind in payments, and they may soon be hauled back. “I got a ‘discontinue’ notice on the electric,” she added, “but you get a month to pay up.” Life is like that for her, a roller coaster partly of her own making.
I don’t want to write anybody off, but I admit that efforts to help Ms. McCormick may end with a mixed record. But those twin boys she’s carrying? There’s time to transform their lives, and they — and millions like them — should be a national priority. They’re too small to fail.
Click green for further info
Source: NYT
This article is for your private use, only
Can be used for promoting education, health & safety
__________________________________________________________________
This sad story from November 24th, 2012,
is to remind us all
(1) how precious life is, (2) how fast it can disappear,
(3) how valuable our family togetherness, family relationships & shared family activities are. We all at the STAF, Inc. give our condolences to the family. We wish this story will move us all.
STAF, Inc. is opening an account to help the surviving child in this sad story
Contact STAF, Inc. to donate - 401-427-2227
A teenager and his parents were swept out to sea one by one after the boy tried to save their pet dog, which was overtaken by 10-foot-waves while running on the beach.
The family, which included the parents, son, a daughter and their dog were at Big Lagoon beach, about 30 miles north of Eureka, Calif., on Saturday when the incident occurred, according to the U.S. Coast Guard.
The dog was playing fetch with a stick on the steep beach when the 10-foot-swell came in, according to Coast Guard Lt. Bernie Garrigan.
"The beach is incredibly steep, and we had 10 foot swells... come through there Saturday, and it is really really steep, so the 10 foot waves smashes directly on the beach. They were throwing a stick for the dog, and the dog ran too close to the water and got pulled in," Garrigan said.
When the dog was overtaken by the wave and pulled out into the ocean, the 16-year-old boy went in after him and it was quickly apparent that the boy was in trouble.
The parents then went in to rescue the boy, according to Garrigan. All three were pulled out to sea. The dog managed to find its way back on shore and survived.
The daughter never entered the water, Garrigan said.
The Coast Guard did not release the names of the family members.
The Coast Guard and Humboldt County Sheriff's Department responded to a 911 call about the individuals in the water, sending a helicopter and two rescue boats to scour the water.
The bodies of the parents were found onshore later Saturday. The search for the boy continued Saturday and Sunday but was suspended today. Garrigan said the sheriff's department was making periodic checks of the beach.
"The Coast Guard gives our condolences to the family. We have done and are doing all we can," he said.
This article is for your private use, only
__________________________________________
is to remind us all
(1) how precious life is, (2) how fast it can disappear,
(3) how valuable our family togetherness, family relationships & shared family activities are. We all at the STAF, Inc. give our condolences to the family. We wish this story will move us all.
STAF, Inc. is opening an account to help the surviving child in this sad story
Contact STAF, Inc. to donate - 401-427-2227
A teenager and his parents were swept out to sea one by one after the boy tried to save their pet dog, which was overtaken by 10-foot-waves while running on the beach.
The family, which included the parents, son, a daughter and their dog were at Big Lagoon beach, about 30 miles north of Eureka, Calif., on Saturday when the incident occurred, according to the U.S. Coast Guard.
The dog was playing fetch with a stick on the steep beach when the 10-foot-swell came in, according to Coast Guard Lt. Bernie Garrigan.
"The beach is incredibly steep, and we had 10 foot swells... come through there Saturday, and it is really really steep, so the 10 foot waves smashes directly on the beach. They were throwing a stick for the dog, and the dog ran too close to the water and got pulled in," Garrigan said.
When the dog was overtaken by the wave and pulled out into the ocean, the 16-year-old boy went in after him and it was quickly apparent that the boy was in trouble.
The parents then went in to rescue the boy, according to Garrigan. All three were pulled out to sea. The dog managed to find its way back on shore and survived.
The daughter never entered the water, Garrigan said.
The Coast Guard did not release the names of the family members.
The Coast Guard and Humboldt County Sheriff's Department responded to a 911 call about the individuals in the water, sending a helicopter and two rescue boats to scour the water.
The bodies of the parents were found onshore later Saturday. The search for the boy continued Saturday and Sunday but was suspended today. Garrigan said the sheriff's department was making periodic checks of the beach.
"The Coast Guard gives our condolences to the family. We have done and are doing all we can," he said.
This article is for your private use, only
__________________________________________
12 disasters your child is facing
in a divorce or in a separation
Are you willing to risk your child falling in the disasters listed below ?
Are you willing to risk your child becoming a sociopath and a criminal monster?
? ? ?
CHILD GROWING UP IN A
SINGLE-PARENT
FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY WITHOUT
A FATHER
(1) Faces overall increased risks to health and welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) seriously increased risk of having a stroke
during his/her life time. For # 12 risk see a detailed article further below
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the disasters listed above
?
STAF, Inc. calls it The broken family syndrome™
in a divorce or in a separation
Are you willing to risk your child falling in the disasters listed below ?
Are you willing to risk your child becoming a sociopath and a criminal monster?
? ? ?
CHILD GROWING UP IN A
SINGLE-PARENT
FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY WITHOUT
A FATHER
(1) Faces overall increased risks to health and welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) seriously increased risk of having a stroke
during his/her life time. For # 12 risk see a detailed article further below
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the disasters listed above
?
STAF, Inc. calls it The broken family syndrome™
___________________________
To inspect STAF, Inc.'s first 3 pages
in its original founding acceptance documents provided by the State of New York:
(click the green word "click" on the right) click click
STAF, Inc.'s purpose and its mission statements
are in those 3 pages
_____________________________________
To inspect STAF, Inc.'s first 3 pages
in its original founding acceptance documents provided by the State of New York:
(click the green word "click" on the right) click click
STAF, Inc.'s purpose and its mission statements
are in those 3 pages
_____________________________________
If you have children and /or if you got married in the
traditional manner as most do, do NOT get divorced
You will regret deeply if you do. Contact STAF, Inc. (see home page)
STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restorers ™ will heal you marriage
If you get divorced, You will destroy your children's lives.
The lives of both spouses will get destroyed. There is no exception.
Research shows that both divorced spouses will have a shortened life, will suffer sicknesses they most likely would not if they had stayed married. Every traditionally done marriage can be healed. The healed marriage is always happier than the first week of your marriage. Above the list of what serious life-destroying challenges every child faces in a divorce situation.
A marriage done in a traditional manner (= met, dated, fell in love, proposal, wedding planning, marriage) has always a real love between the spouses - otherwise no one would get through all listed time, effort & money taking steps.
STAF, Inc. is the leading specialist in healing any marriage. STAF, Inc. has developed new marriage healing techniques.
STAF, Inc. is a not-for-profit organization guiding your and every family top happiness, health, wealth, and success in everything in life.
Hindsight's 20/20, so there's no one better than ex-wives to tell you what to do (and not to do) if you're going through-or just contemplating-a divorce. Here, real women share what they wish they'd known when they split from their husbands and divorce professionals weigh in on how to combat the most unexpected, yet most common, mistakes they've seen clients make. Rest assured, these 10 lessons can get you through the end of your marriage, both financially and emotionally. Photo by Getty Images.
1. It may take a long time to recover-and that's okay.
Julie, 50, from Denver, thought she'd be able to handle her divorce. "I'm a strong person, I own my own business and I'm a professional speaker," she says. But she admits she could barely function for a full year after the split. Her divorce recovery classes helped her realize everyone bounces back at their own pace. Psychotherapist Pandora MacLean-Hoover, who's divorced, also suggests finding a therapist who knows firsthand how vulnerable you are. "Therapists who haven't experienced divorce often create false hope," in regards to recovering quickly. "It's important to have support that's educated as well as therapeutic."
Related: Check out these 7 instant mood boosters.
2. Choose your counsel wisely.
"I used a criminal attorney and got a poor settlement," admits Christine K. Clifford, CEO of Divorcing Divas. On the other hand, a lawyer who's well-versed in family law could get you a better settlement because she knows the state-law nuances and local judges and lawyers, says Jacqueline Newman, a partner at a boutique New York City law firm specializing in divorce. If you and your husband have complicated combined assets, you may need additional pros. Kira Brown, 34, from Phoenix, AZ, owned a business with her ex-husband and wishes she'd also hired a financial planner for help negotiating her settlement.
3. Dig deeply into your joint finances.
According to financial analyst Sandy Arons, a divorcee herself, 40% of divorce proceedings are about money. So get as much information as you can about your shared accounts to be well-informed before court. Specifically, "learn all of the online passwords to bank accounts, which accounts had automatic payments and where money is invested, including the names of all accounts, the account numbers and the investment advisors," says Newman. Ask your attorney when and how it's best to gather this info first, though.
4. Figure out your future living expenses ASAP.
Your financial well-being should be your top priority, says divorce financial expert and mediator Rosemary Frank. "Raw emotions will heal and legalities will be completed, but the financial impact of poor decisions, or default decisions due to lack of understanding, will last a lifetime," she warns. Step one: Thoroughly understand your current cost of living before the divorce proceedings start. "If you don't know what you'll need in the future, you won't be able to ask for it and you surely won't get it," she says.
5. Anticipate unexpected costs.
Even with carefully planning out your future expenses, something surprising may pop up. For example, your husband may be able to boot you from his health insurance plan, leaving you with an added cost of as much as $1,000 per month. Caitlin, 55, from Tarrytown, NY, recommends requesting a one-time payment, separate from alimony. "I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says. "Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Try to have money available-like $5,000-within days. You'll need it."
6. Trying to hurt your ex usually backfires.
Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired. "It not only 'showed him;' it also showed the wife-and their children-what life is like on a lower salary," she says. Simply badmouthing your ex is likely to hurt your kids more than your husband, even if you don't think they hear or read what you say. "Anything written online about an ex-spouse will exist forever-when the children are old enough to read," cautions Newman.
Related: Discover 11 signs that he might be having an affair.
7. Being divorced doesn't mean you're a failure, less competent or less desirable.
"Divorce used to be something people didn't do, and many considered divorced women to be 'loose' and 'scandalous,'" says two-time divorcee Jennifer Little, PhD, founder of Parents Teach Kids. Some of those stigmas still exist, she says, so remember that divorce doesn't define you. "Divorcing just means that the relationship didn't work out," she says. "You haven't been rejected as a woman or a person, nor are you incompetent at being a wife, a partner, a lover, a friend."
8. The holidays will be harder than you expect.
Amanda, 29, from Albuquerque, NM, was married for over six years until her divorce. "I wasn't prepared for the loneliness that accompanied Christmas," she says. "It amplified the concept of a broken home." She wishes she had made plans to see her mother or a friend-or taken a vacation-to take her mind off spending the holiday by herself. So make sure you stay busy during that difficult time of year.
9. Your kids won't tell you how they really feel about the divorce, but their behavior will.
"Children feel a sense of responsibility for the breakup no matter how much the parents state it wasn't about them," says marriage and family therapist Lesli M. W. Doares, author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage. So monitor your kids' actions to understand how they're dealing. Watch out for little ones regressing in their behavior-acting younger, wanting to sleep in bed with you-or showing anger toward siblings and peers. Adolescents tend to act out by drinking, skipping school or disobeying curfews. To get things back on track, Doares suggests addressing issues as a family so everyone can talk about the changes together. Also, inform your child's teacher of the new situation, but don't automatically put your kid in therapy. "It can leave him feeling stigmatized or reinforce that the divorce is his fault," says Doares, though therapy's a good option if the behavior change is extreme.
Related: Learn about these 10 things you should never say to your kids.
10. Divorce can be freeing-and totally worth it. Annie, 47, from Boston, felt like she didn't have any talents, besides caring for her kids, before divorcing in 2007. She now has a blog,PlentyPerfect.com, and sees new directions her life can take. "Divorce can be the beginning of a good next chapter, even if you don't know how the book's going to end," she says. "Maybe you don't know what the options are yet, but they're out there."
Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.
You Might Also Like:
8 Sexy Ways to Burn Calories
50 Surprising Foods Under 100 Calories
10 Hairstyles That Make You Look Younger
The Best Sex Positions for Every Situation
Become a fan of Woman's Day on Facebook and Twitter.
traditional manner as most do, do NOT get divorced
You will regret deeply if you do. Contact STAF, Inc. (see home page)
STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restorers ™ will heal you marriage
If you get divorced, You will destroy your children's lives.
The lives of both spouses will get destroyed. There is no exception.
Research shows that both divorced spouses will have a shortened life, will suffer sicknesses they most likely would not if they had stayed married. Every traditionally done marriage can be healed. The healed marriage is always happier than the first week of your marriage. Above the list of what serious life-destroying challenges every child faces in a divorce situation.
A marriage done in a traditional manner (= met, dated, fell in love, proposal, wedding planning, marriage) has always a real love between the spouses - otherwise no one would get through all listed time, effort & money taking steps.
STAF, Inc. is the leading specialist in healing any marriage. STAF, Inc. has developed new marriage healing techniques.
STAF, Inc. is a not-for-profit organization guiding your and every family top happiness, health, wealth, and success in everything in life.
Hindsight's 20/20, so there's no one better than ex-wives to tell you what to do (and not to do) if you're going through-or just contemplating-a divorce. Here, real women share what they wish they'd known when they split from their husbands and divorce professionals weigh in on how to combat the most unexpected, yet most common, mistakes they've seen clients make. Rest assured, these 10 lessons can get you through the end of your marriage, both financially and emotionally. Photo by Getty Images.
1. It may take a long time to recover-and that's okay.
Julie, 50, from Denver, thought she'd be able to handle her divorce. "I'm a strong person, I own my own business and I'm a professional speaker," she says. But she admits she could barely function for a full year after the split. Her divorce recovery classes helped her realize everyone bounces back at their own pace. Psychotherapist Pandora MacLean-Hoover, who's divorced, also suggests finding a therapist who knows firsthand how vulnerable you are. "Therapists who haven't experienced divorce often create false hope," in regards to recovering quickly. "It's important to have support that's educated as well as therapeutic."
Related: Check out these 7 instant mood boosters.
2. Choose your counsel wisely.
"I used a criminal attorney and got a poor settlement," admits Christine K. Clifford, CEO of Divorcing Divas. On the other hand, a lawyer who's well-versed in family law could get you a better settlement because she knows the state-law nuances and local judges and lawyers, says Jacqueline Newman, a partner at a boutique New York City law firm specializing in divorce. If you and your husband have complicated combined assets, you may need additional pros. Kira Brown, 34, from Phoenix, AZ, owned a business with her ex-husband and wishes she'd also hired a financial planner for help negotiating her settlement.
3. Dig deeply into your joint finances.
According to financial analyst Sandy Arons, a divorcee herself, 40% of divorce proceedings are about money. So get as much information as you can about your shared accounts to be well-informed before court. Specifically, "learn all of the online passwords to bank accounts, which accounts had automatic payments and where money is invested, including the names of all accounts, the account numbers and the investment advisors," says Newman. Ask your attorney when and how it's best to gather this info first, though.
4. Figure out your future living expenses ASAP.
Your financial well-being should be your top priority, says divorce financial expert and mediator Rosemary Frank. "Raw emotions will heal and legalities will be completed, but the financial impact of poor decisions, or default decisions due to lack of understanding, will last a lifetime," she warns. Step one: Thoroughly understand your current cost of living before the divorce proceedings start. "If you don't know what you'll need in the future, you won't be able to ask for it and you surely won't get it," she says.
5. Anticipate unexpected costs.
Even with carefully planning out your future expenses, something surprising may pop up. For example, your husband may be able to boot you from his health insurance plan, leaving you with an added cost of as much as $1,000 per month. Caitlin, 55, from Tarrytown, NY, recommends requesting a one-time payment, separate from alimony. "I asked for, and got, a check 30 days after my husband left," she says. "Too many men dodge their financial responsibilities, so waiting for that first alimony check is unwise. Try to have money available-like $5,000-within days. You'll need it."
6. Trying to hurt your ex usually backfires.
Newman says that a client of hers told her husband's boss about his affair with his secretary and ended up getting him fired. "It not only 'showed him;' it also showed the wife-and their children-what life is like on a lower salary," she says. Simply badmouthing your ex is likely to hurt your kids more than your husband, even if you don't think they hear or read what you say. "Anything written online about an ex-spouse will exist forever-when the children are old enough to read," cautions Newman.
Related: Discover 11 signs that he might be having an affair.
7. Being divorced doesn't mean you're a failure, less competent or less desirable.
"Divorce used to be something people didn't do, and many considered divorced women to be 'loose' and 'scandalous,'" says two-time divorcee Jennifer Little, PhD, founder of Parents Teach Kids. Some of those stigmas still exist, she says, so remember that divorce doesn't define you. "Divorcing just means that the relationship didn't work out," she says. "You haven't been rejected as a woman or a person, nor are you incompetent at being a wife, a partner, a lover, a friend."
8. The holidays will be harder than you expect.
Amanda, 29, from Albuquerque, NM, was married for over six years until her divorce. "I wasn't prepared for the loneliness that accompanied Christmas," she says. "It amplified the concept of a broken home." She wishes she had made plans to see her mother or a friend-or taken a vacation-to take her mind off spending the holiday by herself. So make sure you stay busy during that difficult time of year.
9. Your kids won't tell you how they really feel about the divorce, but their behavior will.
"Children feel a sense of responsibility for the breakup no matter how much the parents state it wasn't about them," says marriage and family therapist Lesli M. W. Doares, author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage. So monitor your kids' actions to understand how they're dealing. Watch out for little ones regressing in their behavior-acting younger, wanting to sleep in bed with you-or showing anger toward siblings and peers. Adolescents tend to act out by drinking, skipping school or disobeying curfews. To get things back on track, Doares suggests addressing issues as a family so everyone can talk about the changes together. Also, inform your child's teacher of the new situation, but don't automatically put your kid in therapy. "It can leave him feeling stigmatized or reinforce that the divorce is his fault," says Doares, though therapy's a good option if the behavior change is extreme.
Related: Learn about these 10 things you should never say to your kids.
10. Divorce can be freeing-and totally worth it. Annie, 47, from Boston, felt like she didn't have any talents, besides caring for her kids, before divorcing in 2007. She now has a blog,PlentyPerfect.com, and sees new directions her life can take. "Divorce can be the beginning of a good next chapter, even if you don't know how the book's going to end," she says. "Maybe you don't know what the options are yet, but they're out there."
Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.
You Might Also Like:
8 Sexy Ways to Burn Calories
50 Surprising Foods Under 100 Calories
10 Hairstyles That Make You Look Younger
The Best Sex Positions for Every Situation
Become a fan of Woman's Day on Facebook and Twitter.
Gun deaths set to outstrip car fatalities
for first time in 2015
Deaths from firearms are set to outstrip car fatalities for the first time, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and reported by Bloomberg News.
The CDC estimates that auto-related deaths--long on the decline as more motorists wear seat-belts and face harsher penalties for drunk driving--will fall to 32,000 in 2015. Deaths from firearms, which include suicides and accidents, are estimated to rise to 33,000 over the same period.
Every day, 85 Americans are shot dead, about 53 of them in suicides. This figure is still lower than 1993's peak in gun deaths (37,666), but has risen significantly since firearm deaths reached a low in 2000 (28,393). The data goes back to 1979.
Meanwhile, USA Today, which looked at FBI figures, reports that 774 people were killed between 2006 and 2010 by a mass killer, defined as a person who kills four or more people in one incident. The figures show that mass killers strike on average once every two weeks. A third of the 156 mass killings did not involve firearms, but rather fire, knife or other weapon. Almost all of the mass killers in those years were men, and their average age was 32. The dozens of deaths caused by mass killers represented about 1 percent of all homicides between 2006 and 2010.
Click green above for further info
____________________________________________________
for first time in 2015
Deaths from firearms are set to outstrip car fatalities for the first time, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and reported by Bloomberg News.
The CDC estimates that auto-related deaths--long on the decline as more motorists wear seat-belts and face harsher penalties for drunk driving--will fall to 32,000 in 2015. Deaths from firearms, which include suicides and accidents, are estimated to rise to 33,000 over the same period.
Every day, 85 Americans are shot dead, about 53 of them in suicides. This figure is still lower than 1993's peak in gun deaths (37,666), but has risen significantly since firearm deaths reached a low in 2000 (28,393). The data goes back to 1979.
Meanwhile, USA Today, which looked at FBI figures, reports that 774 people were killed between 2006 and 2010 by a mass killer, defined as a person who kills four or more people in one incident. The figures show that mass killers strike on average once every two weeks. A third of the 156 mass killings did not involve firearms, but rather fire, knife or other weapon. Almost all of the mass killers in those years were men, and their average age was 32. The dozens of deaths caused by mass killers represented about 1 percent of all homicides between 2006 and 2010.
Click green above for further info
____________________________________________________
Sales soar for kid-themed body armor backpacks
Dated: 12/19/12
STAF, Inc.'s opinion:
Spread the word to your neighbors, friends, everyone, everywhere, about this protective safety product
Safety first - protect your child
___________________
Click green for further info
The Newtown, Conn., mass shooting of 20 schoolchildren seems to have had an impact in one industry: body armor backpacks. Mother Jones reports that sales of the backpacks designed to protect kids during a school shooting, have “gone through the roof.”
Derek Williams, president of Amendment II, the Utah-based company that makes the packs along with lightweight body armor for military and police use, told the magazine, "I can't go into exact sales numbers, but basically we tripled our sales volume of backpacks that we typically do in a month—in one week."
Demand for the product has completely overwhelmed the company's website.
The carbon nanotube armor comes in kid-friendly themed Avengers or Disney princess versions, and at first, the company told Fox 13, just a handful were sold at gun shows. Then came the massacre last Friday.
The Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy has shone a light on the company. “Our armor was being bought to protect people, the ‘preppers,’ is the term,” Amendment II Chief Operating Officer Rich Brand told the Fox station. “At this point, it’s transcended to everyone. Anyone who’s sending out a child into the world, seeing what can happen now, they want to protect their children.”
Not everyone is on board with the idea of sending children to school armed for battle.
Maryann Martindale, executive director of Alliance for a Better Utah, told Fox 13, "Do we want to live in a society where we send our kids to school in Kevlar backpacks and arm our teachers? I think we create more chaos by responding that way.”
Click green for further info
STAF, Inc.'s opinion:
Spread the word to your neighbors, friends, everyone, everywhere, about this protective safety product
Source: Fox 13
_____________________________________________________________________________
Obama set January 2013 deadline for gun proposals
Dated: 12/19/12
WASHINGTON (AP) — Spurred by a horrific elementary school shooting, President Barack Obama tasked his administration Wednesday with creating concrete proposals to reduce gun violence that has plagued the country.
"This time, the words need to lead to action," said Obama, who set a January deadline for the recommendations. He vowed to push for their implementation without delay.
The president, who exerted little political capital on gun control during his first term, also pressed Congress to reinstate an assault weapons ban, which expired in 2004. He also called for stricter background checks for people who seek to purchase weapons and limited high capacity clips.
"The fact that this problem is complex can no longer be an excuse for doing nothing," Obama said. "The fact that we can't prevent every act of violence doesn't mean we can't steadily reduce the violence."
Obama's announcement Wednesday underscores the urgency the White House sees in formulating a response to the shooting in Newtown, Conn. Twenty children and six adults were killed when a man carrying a military-style rifle stormed an elementary school.
The massacre has prompted several congressional gun rights supporters to consider new legislation to control firearms, and there is some concern that their willingness to engage could fade as the shock and sorrow over the Newtown shooting eases.
Obama said Wednesday it was "encouraging" to see people of different backgrounds and political affiliations coming to an understanding that the country has an obligation to prevent such violence.
Appealing to gun owners, Obama said he believes in the Second Amendment*) and the country's strong tradition of gun ownership. And he said "the vast majority of gun owners in America are responsible."
*)The Second Amendment protects an individual's right to possess a firearm, unconnected to service in a militia and to use that arm for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home.
CLICK: Second Amendment to the United States Constitution - Wikipedia ...
The president tasked Vice President Joe Biden with leading the administration-wide effort to create new gun control policies. Obama also wants his team to consider ways to improve mental health resources and address ways to create a culture that doesn't promote violence.
The departments of Justice, Education, Health and Human Services, and Homeland Security will all be part of the process.*)
Biden's prominent role in the process could be an asset for the White House in getting gun legislation through Congress. The vice president spent decades in the Senate and has been called on by Obama before to use his long-standing relationships with lawmakers to build support for White House measures.
Source: White House
*) Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.'s response placed on the internet as a comment to the articles:
(1) Obama set January 2013 deadline for gun proposals ( Dated: 12/19/12)
(2) Biden launches post-Newtown push on guns ( Dated: 12/20/12)
______________________________________________________________________
Dated: 12/19/12
WASHINGTON (AP) — Spurred by a horrific elementary school shooting, President Barack Obama tasked his administration Wednesday with creating concrete proposals to reduce gun violence that has plagued the country.
"This time, the words need to lead to action," said Obama, who set a January deadline for the recommendations. He vowed to push for their implementation without delay.
The president, who exerted little political capital on gun control during his first term, also pressed Congress to reinstate an assault weapons ban, which expired in 2004. He also called for stricter background checks for people who seek to purchase weapons and limited high capacity clips.
"The fact that this problem is complex can no longer be an excuse for doing nothing," Obama said. "The fact that we can't prevent every act of violence doesn't mean we can't steadily reduce the violence."
Obama's announcement Wednesday underscores the urgency the White House sees in formulating a response to the shooting in Newtown, Conn. Twenty children and six adults were killed when a man carrying a military-style rifle stormed an elementary school.
The massacre has prompted several congressional gun rights supporters to consider new legislation to control firearms, and there is some concern that their willingness to engage could fade as the shock and sorrow over the Newtown shooting eases.
Obama said Wednesday it was "encouraging" to see people of different backgrounds and political affiliations coming to an understanding that the country has an obligation to prevent such violence.
Appealing to gun owners, Obama said he believes in the Second Amendment*) and the country's strong tradition of gun ownership. And he said "the vast majority of gun owners in America are responsible."
*)The Second Amendment protects an individual's right to possess a firearm, unconnected to service in a militia and to use that arm for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home.
CLICK: Second Amendment to the United States Constitution - Wikipedia ...
The president tasked Vice President Joe Biden with leading the administration-wide effort to create new gun control policies. Obama also wants his team to consider ways to improve mental health resources and address ways to create a culture that doesn't promote violence.
The departments of Justice, Education, Health and Human Services, and Homeland Security will all be part of the process.*)
Biden's prominent role in the process could be an asset for the White House in getting gun legislation through Congress. The vice president spent decades in the Senate and has been called on by Obama before to use his long-standing relationships with lawmakers to build support for White House measures.
Source: White House
*) Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.'s response placed on the internet as a comment to the articles:
(1) Obama set January 2013 deadline for gun proposals ( Dated: 12/19/12)
(2) Biden launches post-Newtown push on guns ( Dated: 12/20/12)
______________________________________________________________________
Study this important article
Teachers in Ohio, Texas,Utah
flock to free gun training classes
STAF, Inc.'s opinion: a Good Plan
CLEVELAND/SAN ANTONIO (Reuters) - School teachers in Texas and Ohio are flocking to free firearms classes in the wake of the Connecticut elementary school massacre, some vowing to protect their students with guns even at the risk of losing their jobs.
In Ohio, more than 900 teachers, administrators and school employees asked to take part in theBuckeye Firearms Association's newly created, three-day gun training program, the association said.
In Texas, an $85 Concealed Handgun License (CHL) course offered at no cost to teachers filled 400 spots immediately, forcing the school to offer another class, one instructor said.
"Any teacher who is licensed and chooses to be armed should be able to be armed," said Gerald Valentino, co-founder of the Buckeye Firearms Association. "It should be every teacher's choice."
The December 14 tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, sparked a national debate about whether to arm teachers, prompting passionate arguments on both sides.
The deaths of 6- and 7-year-old school children led President Barack Obama to promise "meaningful action" to curtail gun violence, while the National Rifle Association has advocated arming teachers and placing trained guards in each of the country's 100,000 schools.
Ohio and Texas are not the first to offer no-cost arms training to teachers. Just days after the Connecticut mass murder, some 200 teachers in Utah underwent free instruction from gun activists.
Critics ridicule arming teachers as a foolhardy idea promoted by overzealous gun enthusiasts, saying it would only add danger to the classroom while distracting teachers from their job of educating children.
Supporters say an armed teacher could have stopped the massacre at Sandy Hook, where a 20-year-old man armed with a military-style assault rifle killed 20 children and six adults before killing himself.
"What we know is that these spree killers are looking for the highest death toll possible. They look for no-gun zones like schools," Valentino said. "It doesn't make sense that we guard our gold with guns and we guard our kids with hope."
The Buckeye Firearms Association, which successfully lobbied for 2004 legislation in Texas allowing people to carry concealed handguns, is offering all eligible state educators free admission to what it calls "an intensive three-day class where you will learn many of the same skills and tactics used by first responders."
Of the more than 900 applicants so far, 73 percent were teachers and 10 percent were kindergarten teachers, Valentino said. Sixty percent were male and 51 percent worked in high schools, he said.
GUNS AND THE LAW
Ohio law does not expressly prohibit guns in schools and leaves it to each individual school board to set policy. Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine referred to teachers as "first responders" after the Connecticut shootings and announced his office would expand safety training for Ohio school employees.
Texas state law allows teachers who have concealed handgun permits to carry weapons into public school classrooms as long as they have permission from the district superintendent.
Measures introduced in the Texas legislature since the Sandy Hook shooting would make it easier to carry firearms onto college campuses and into schools and other public places where weapons are now banned.
Josh Felker, who teaches the firearms classes in suburban San Antonio, said many of the teachers have told him they plan to carry weapons into their classrooms, even at risk of losing their jobs.
"They are upset at what happened, and no one is going to hurt their kids," said Felker, who offered the class to teachers for free over the holiday break. "One teacher said flat out, 'I don't care if the law changes or not, I'm going to take it to school.' Most of them just want to protect their kids."
On Thursday, the Ohio Peace Officer Training Academy will offer its first "Active Shooter Training Response for Educators Course," which up to now has been reserved for police officers.
One Texas superintendent who since 2008 has given permission to teachers with handgun licenses to carry a gun in school is David Thweatt, who heads the rural Harrold Independent School District, about 175 miles northwest of Dallas.
"First they have to have a concealed handgun license, they have to be approved to carry on our campus, they have to undergo additional training, and they are limited to ammunition which breaks apart when it hits a hard object," Thweatt said.
He said he decided to allow teachers to carry weapons in class because in his rural district "law enforcement would never make it here on time" in case of an emergency.
Although the names of teachers who carry weapons were meant to remain confidential, their identities were widely known in town, Thweatt said.
Valentino was adamant that Ohio's armed teachers remain anonymous, citing concerns that local media might reveal who was taking the course.
"The idea is for no one to know what teachers might be carrying. It would be very dangerous to identify these teachers. We don't want to put a target on them," Valentino said.
Texas Republican State Representative Debbie Riddle has introduced a measure to require school boards and superintendents to give permission to teachers who have completed the concealed handgun licensing course to carry weapons into the classroom.
"It would have a chilling effect on any copycats who wanted to replicate what was done at Sandy Hook," Riddle said.
Teachers in Ohio, Texas,Utah
flock to free gun training classes
STAF, Inc.'s opinion: a Good Plan
CLEVELAND/SAN ANTONIO (Reuters) - School teachers in Texas and Ohio are flocking to free firearms classes in the wake of the Connecticut elementary school massacre, some vowing to protect their students with guns even at the risk of losing their jobs.
In Ohio, more than 900 teachers, administrators and school employees asked to take part in theBuckeye Firearms Association's newly created, three-day gun training program, the association said.
In Texas, an $85 Concealed Handgun License (CHL) course offered at no cost to teachers filled 400 spots immediately, forcing the school to offer another class, one instructor said.
"Any teacher who is licensed and chooses to be armed should be able to be armed," said Gerald Valentino, co-founder of the Buckeye Firearms Association. "It should be every teacher's choice."
The December 14 tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, sparked a national debate about whether to arm teachers, prompting passionate arguments on both sides.
The deaths of 6- and 7-year-old school children led President Barack Obama to promise "meaningful action" to curtail gun violence, while the National Rifle Association has advocated arming teachers and placing trained guards in each of the country's 100,000 schools.
Ohio and Texas are not the first to offer no-cost arms training to teachers. Just days after the Connecticut mass murder, some 200 teachers in Utah underwent free instruction from gun activists.
Critics ridicule arming teachers as a foolhardy idea promoted by overzealous gun enthusiasts, saying it would only add danger to the classroom while distracting teachers from their job of educating children.
Supporters say an armed teacher could have stopped the massacre at Sandy Hook, where a 20-year-old man armed with a military-style assault rifle killed 20 children and six adults before killing himself.
"What we know is that these spree killers are looking for the highest death toll possible. They look for no-gun zones like schools," Valentino said. "It doesn't make sense that we guard our gold with guns and we guard our kids with hope."
The Buckeye Firearms Association, which successfully lobbied for 2004 legislation in Texas allowing people to carry concealed handguns, is offering all eligible state educators free admission to what it calls "an intensive three-day class where you will learn many of the same skills and tactics used by first responders."
Of the more than 900 applicants so far, 73 percent were teachers and 10 percent were kindergarten teachers, Valentino said. Sixty percent were male and 51 percent worked in high schools, he said.
GUNS AND THE LAW
Ohio law does not expressly prohibit guns in schools and leaves it to each individual school board to set policy. Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine referred to teachers as "first responders" after the Connecticut shootings and announced his office would expand safety training for Ohio school employees.
Texas state law allows teachers who have concealed handgun permits to carry weapons into public school classrooms as long as they have permission from the district superintendent.
Measures introduced in the Texas legislature since the Sandy Hook shooting would make it easier to carry firearms onto college campuses and into schools and other public places where weapons are now banned.
Josh Felker, who teaches the firearms classes in suburban San Antonio, said many of the teachers have told him they plan to carry weapons into their classrooms, even at risk of losing their jobs.
"They are upset at what happened, and no one is going to hurt their kids," said Felker, who offered the class to teachers for free over the holiday break. "One teacher said flat out, 'I don't care if the law changes or not, I'm going to take it to school.' Most of them just want to protect their kids."
On Thursday, the Ohio Peace Officer Training Academy will offer its first "Active Shooter Training Response for Educators Course," which up to now has been reserved for police officers.
One Texas superintendent who since 2008 has given permission to teachers with handgun licenses to carry a gun in school is David Thweatt, who heads the rural Harrold Independent School District, about 175 miles northwest of Dallas.
"First they have to have a concealed handgun license, they have to be approved to carry on our campus, they have to undergo additional training, and they are limited to ammunition which breaks apart when it hits a hard object," Thweatt said.
He said he decided to allow teachers to carry weapons in class because in his rural district "law enforcement would never make it here on time" in case of an emergency.
Although the names of teachers who carry weapons were meant to remain confidential, their identities were widely known in town, Thweatt said.
Valentino was adamant that Ohio's armed teachers remain anonymous, citing concerns that local media might reveal who was taking the course.
"The idea is for no one to know what teachers might be carrying. It would be very dangerous to identify these teachers. We don't want to put a target on them," Valentino said.
Texas Republican State Representative Debbie Riddle has introduced a measure to require school boards and superintendents to give permission to teachers who have completed the concealed handgun licensing course to carry weapons into the classroom.
"It would have a chilling effect on any copycats who wanted to replicate what was done at Sandy Hook," Riddle said.
NRA - National Rifle Association blames media, music
and more for culture of violence
NRA Calls for Armed Guards in Schools to Prevent Killings
Dated: 12/21/12
Click green for further info
The National Rifle Association called for stationing police officers in schools as the proper response to the Dec. 14 school shooting in Connecticut and blamed “blood-soaked films” and video games for the violence.
“The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun,” Wayne LaPierre, the organization’s chief executive officer, said today at a news conference that was twice interrupted by protesters. He urged Congress “to appropriate whatever is necessary to put armed police officers in every single school in this nation.”
The packed press conference was the gun-rights organization’s first public response to the mass shootings in Newtown, Connecticut, in which 20 children and 6 adults were killed. NRA officials took no questions and said they would begin responding to queries next week.
Representative Chris Murphy, a Connecticut Democrat whose district includes Newtown, wrote on Twitter that he received a transcript of the NRA press conference after leaving another funeral for one of the shooting victims. “The most revolting, tone-deaf statement I’ve ever seen,” he wrote.
Ammunition ClipsThe NRA has opposed legislation limiting gun ownership, such as restrictions on assault weapons or high-capacity ammunition clips that have been embraced by PresidentBarack Obama and many congressional Democrats. LaPierre’s comments today showed that the group isn’t shifting its position.
“Politicians pass laws for gun-free school zones, they issue press releases bragging about them,” LaPierre said. “And, in doing so, they tell every insane killer in America that schools are the safest place to inflict maximum mayhem with minimum risk. How have our nation’s priorities gotten so far out of order?”
Data compiled by Bloomberg shows that placing an armed guard in each of the 99,000 U.S. elementary, middle and high schools would cost an estimated $7.9 billion, based on annual income, equipment and benefits of $80,000, a figure from the National Association of School Resource Officers. The Hoover, Alabama-based group represents school-based police.
Beyond paid security, LaPierre said school systems could draw on retired firefighters, police and military personnel to create school “security forces.”
Comprehensive PlanThe NRA announced a plan to develop a comprehensive school security plan for use nationwide, an initiative that is being headed by former U.S. Representative Asa Hutchinson, an Arkansas Republican and a former undersecretary at the U.S. Department of Homeland Security.
Hutchison said the security plan could rely on volunteers, and the NRA would sponsor the program since it has been running gun-safety programs for decades.
“Whether they’re retired police, retired military, or rescue personnel, I think there are people in every community in this country who would be happy to serve if only someone asked them and gave them the training and certifications to do so,” he said.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, a Republican, questioned the proposal.
“I don’t necessarily think having armed guards outside of every classroom is the most conducive thing to a good educational environment,” he said today in Newark. “We don’t want to make this an armed camp. I don’t think that would be positive.”
‘Bizarre Misfire’New York City Comptroller John Liu called it a “bizarre misfire” and said it “insults the memory” of the Newtown victims. “If we want our children to be safe at home or at school today, we need tougher controls over guns today,” said Liu, a potential Democratic candidate for mayor next year.
Boston Mayor Thomas Menino, co-chairman of Mayors Against Illegal Guns, called the NRA’s announcement “not a plan, but a ploy to bring more guns into our neighborhoods.” He continued, “I don’t believe the answer to gun violence is more guns.”
The group’s other co-chairman, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, said the NRA announcement “was a shameful evasion of the crisis facing our country.”
“Instead of offering solutions to a problem they have helped create, they offered a paranoid, dystopian vision of a more dangerous and violent America where everyone is armed and no place is safe,” said Bloomberg, co-chairman of Mayors Against Illegal Guns and founder and majority owner of Bloomberg News parent Bloomberg LP.
Columbine ‘Outgunned’Josh Sugarmann, executive director of the Violence Policy Center, said the NRA’s plan was in place at Columbine High School at the time of the mass shooting there.
Two armed guards “were unsuccessful because they were outgunned by the assault weapons” wielded by two killers, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, said Sugarmann, a native of Newtown whose Washington-based group conducts research on gun violence.
The presidents of the two major U.S. teachers’ unions earlier this week opposed proposals to bring guns into schools.
“Guns have no place in our schools. Period,” said National Education Association president Dennis Van Roekel and American Federation of Teachers president Randi Weingarten in a joint statement issued Dec. 20.
The NRA press conference was held just blocks from the White House, where Vice President Joe Biden yesterday convened a meeting of Cabinet officials and law enforcement representatives as he began to develop a response to the shootings in Newtown, Connecticut, which killed 20 children and 6 adults.
Activists ProtestOutside the hotel where LaPierre spoke, about 50 people gathered to demand the NRA “stand down” on lobbying against gun-control measures. Protesters chanted “Shame on the NRA” and “Stand down, the NRA” as leaders of the activist group Credo Action attempted to deliver 10 boxes of more than 200,000 petitioners’ signatures.
Murphy, the lawmaker representing Newtown, said in an interview the parents of the slain children are calling for curbs on assault weapons.
When he attended wakes and funerals this week parents “grabbed me by the lapels and said ‘do something,’” said Murphy, who was elected to the U.S. Senate last month. “The families want something to happen really soon.”
Sheriff Rich Stanek, president of the Major County Sheriffs’ Association and one of a dozen law-enforcement representatives at the Biden meeting, said gun control was one of several topics addressed. Others included violent movies and video games, and mental health treatment.
Mental Health“This is not a singular gun-control issue,” said Stanek, sheriff of Minnesota’s Hennepin County, which includes Minneapolis.
Obama and House Democrats have talked about addressing societal violence and mental health even as they endorsed new curbs on assault weapons and high-capacity ammunition magazines, and expanded background checks of gun purchasers.
“No single piece of legislation is going to solve everything,” said Representative Carolyn McCarthy, a New York Democrat whose husband was killed and son wounded in a mass shooting on the Long Island Railroad. “We need to look at things holistically.”
The chairman and chief executive officer of the Motion Picture Association of America, former Connecticut Senator Chris Dodd, said his organization has told the White House it supports the president’s efforts to prevent a repeat of Newtown.
Helping Heal“Those of us in the motion picture and television industry want to do our part to help America heal,” Dodd said in a statement released yesterday. “We stand ready to be part of the national conversation.”
Killings at U.S. schools are rare. In the 2009-2010 year, 17 children ages 5 to 18 died in homicides at school, traveling to or from campuses or at school events, according to the Education Department. That’s about half the annual figure during much of the 1990s. In a population of more than 50 million students, the school-related death toll has been about 1 percent of all homicides for that age group.
In 2009, the latest year available, 68 percent of schools had security guards or assigned police officers, up from 54 percent in 1999, according to an Education Department survey of students, 12- to 18-years old.
Locked DoorsMore than 90 percent of schools had locked or monitored doors during school hours, the government said. About 1 percent required students to pass through metal detectors.
Elementary schools are less likely than high schools or middle schools to have police on their grounds, principals, trade groups and safety experts said.
Schools in Atlanta; Los Angeles; Denver; Tampa, Florida; Birmingham, Alabama; Kansas City, Missouri; Memphis, Tennessee; and Sacramento, California, have armed security such as police officers for at least some schools, according to a survey by the Council of the Great City Schools, a Washington-based group that represents the 67 largest systems. Not all districts responded.
The Los Angeles Unified School District, the country’s second-biggest system, has armed police officers at high schools, as well as some middle schools, said spokeswoman Ellen Morgan. Many middle schools have unarmed school safety officers, as well. Elementary schools don’t have officers, and police are now stepping up patrols, Morgan said.
The New York City system, the nation’s largest, has unarmed school-safety officers from the police department in every school, said Marge Feinberg, a spokeswoman.
“Children are safer in schools than in almost any other place, including for some, their own homes,” according to a statement this week signed by nine violence-prevention researchers from U.S. universities and the American Institutes for Research, the Washington-based social-science research organization.
Rather than intensify school security, the U.S. should improve access to mental-health care, reduce exposure to violent media and control guns, the researchers said.
“We cannot and should not turn our schools into fortresses,” they said.
Click green for further info
_______________________________
The Comment below, by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit
placed on the internet next to the above article
In the discussions in the public forum "Why someone is capable doing so horrible?" no one seems to know "Why?" Yet, there is a one clear answer to "Why?"
STAF, Inc,'s presence is needed in this Biden Committee.
Almost all mass shooters have two things in common: (1) they are victims of a divorce &
(2) they are all males. A growing boy needs especially his father's continuous presence and guidance, more so than his mother's. The moral in our marriages has gone close to a zero. The children grow up disturbed & misled. In addition, the violent video games & violent movies are replacing the parental love & healthy attention - the children get a wrong picture about being a human being. The young mass killers suffer from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™
Our schools, Colleges & Universities in the U.S. provide almost no training for the most important human relationship: marriage. In addition, most new parents have no knowledge about child care & healthy child raising. In most other western countries these skills are taught during 1 - 12 levels.
STAF, Inc. is building legislation initiatives to solve this lacking training.
Most marriage counselors fail in their effort because the College training they receive is not up-to-date relating to "the modern days".
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - they are listed in our website in tab "Services", sub-tab "Restoring Any Marriage™".
No link allowed in this text - to find the correct website, use STAF, Inc.'s Radio Show title "DrDrCanYouHelpMe" in the internet search. Most people have no clue what a divorce does to the children.
This CT case is a typical situation: first the 20-year old killed and disfigured his mother in her home. He hated his mother because he could not stay with his father. His mother had filed for the divorce when Mr. Adam Lanza was 17 - just 3 years before. The pain was still fresh and strong. Every child in a divorce situation is going through the same and will start suffering from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™
Then Mr. Adam Lanza went to kill children because in his belief he deserved the same happiness as the other children.
Then he kills himself to get rid of his pain coming from the parental divorce and to avoid being arrested - the facts show Mr. Lanza knew what he was doing - he was not mentally sick.
The primary solution is not in the gun laws. The guns will be found no matter how many restrictions. Yes, STAF, Inc. supports certain important restrictions mainly for preventing mass shootings. We Americans have the right to defend ourselves. However, we should close the loopholes for online gun sales and gun shows. The President should fast put a ban on assault rifles and large ammo magazines (ammo = informal short for ammunition).
When a child grows up in a healthy, loving home with 2 loving parents, the child has a good chance to become a healthy-minded teenager & a successful adult. Then the person has no need to find the guns to revenge his own Broken Family Syndrome™ suffering.
The primary solution is to start educating the whole nation how to heal the American Family & our homes where our children are growing up. The secondary are the gun laws, except the few restrictions mentioned above what the President should immediately restrict using his executive order power.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a result-bringing manner.
Visit our website and listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Show (you'll get free CEU & College-University credits).
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc.'s founding President
(1) Here another example of another victim of a divorce
The Sandy Hook Elementary shooting, Friday, Dec. 14, 2012 - the 2nd biggest in the U.S.
STAF, Inc. calls it The broken family syndrome™
(2) Here a second example of another victim of a divorce An Oklahoma high school student is in custody on charges he plotted to bomb and shoot students at the Bartlesville High School auditorium on the same day 26 people were shot and killed at an elementary school in Connecticut.
Also the Oklahoma teenager is a victim of a broken family relations.
STAF, Inc. calls it The broken family syndrome™
Is There A Solution ? As a nation, can we do something ?
Yes, there is a solution - Yes, we can do something
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc. has the solution
STAF, Inc.'s presence in D.C. in The U.S. Congress (House - Senate) is needed and necessary.
STAF, Inc. is a leading specialist in all family, successful, & healthy lifestyle. STAF, Inc. is needed in D.C. to guide all lawmakers, The W.H. & The President, and the federal agencies in all related matters. Most of the D.C. people do not have the correct ideas about any of these topics. STAF, Inc. will guide to proper lawmaking for the best of all of us in the U.S.
STAF, Inc.'s founder Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D. is seeking a seat in the U.S. Congress - give your vote to him.
He will fight for your family's and for American family's best in everything including in all financial matters.
In addition, Dr. Christian is working on getting a new federal agency established and as its first director to guide our nation in all family matters including our totally unnecessarily failing marriages, in healthy lifestyle & correct nutrition, and in all topics leading to a happy, wealthy, healthy, successful, financially rich, long life.
We as a nations have to start paying corrective attention to the originating reasons for these mass shootings.
The real reasons are not in matters most of us think the reasons are.
It is not the guns - the guns come after the pain of a child's parental divorce or after the pain from otherwise broken family relations .
Even though we would have the toughest gun laws, the guns would be found and used.
Yet, STAF, Inc. supports tougher gun laws. On the other hand we have to have the right to defend ourselves.
Another but the secondary reason (the broken family is practically always the reason # 1) is the Hollywood movie violence, the computer game violence, the terrorist violence, etc. Below one brief, recent article about the Hollywood movie violence.
However, a child growing up in a healthy, 2-parent family, will not have any tendency to harbor any revenge towards his/her parents or towards anyone else either. STAF, Inc.'s specialists & its founding President, Dr. Christian, knows the solutions.
STAF, Inc.'s presence in D.C. is a must and will be beneficial for everyone in the U.S. and in a wider concept, for everyone worldwide.
The solution is to concentrate on the primary reason why a child becomes a mass shooter. When we eliminate the reason to a child's desire to become a killer, we eliminate the killings.
We at the STAF, Inc. do now how to proceed to find the result-bringing solution to these killings.
STAF, Inc.'s presence in D.C. is needed and necessary.
Most lawmakers of any level do not know these facts. Most professionals do not know these facts.
Most Doctors do not know these facts. Most marriage counselors do not know these facts.
Most Americans do not know these facts. Most people in the world do not know these facts.
___________________
A news article below about the killings is after (1) the introduction just below and and
(2) the list of 12 disasters every child will face in a divorce situation IS (a) ABOVE and (b) BELOW
The killer was victimized first by his parents' divorce
STAF, Inc. calls it The broken family syndrome™
Every school mass shooter, every movie theater mass shooter, every crowd mass
shooter has always come from a broken family living only with one parent, mostly
living without the father And also another example of another victim of a divorce:An Oklahoma high school student is in custody on charges he plotted to bomb and shoot students at the Bartlesville High School auditorium on the same day 26 people were shot and killed at an elementary school in Connecticut.
We, as a society, have to start understanding that a happy childhood with 2 natural (= mother & father) parents present in the same household is the key for a healthy adulthood
Divorces are rampant, done hastily, handled with lack of knowledge of the consequences.
Our society is NOT investing enough effort to provide (1) the marriage licence seekers & (2) the newly-wed with proper information "how to live happily ever after with the "heavenly happiness" and never divorce".
WE MUST START UNDERSTANDING THERE IS A BETTER WAY: NEVER A DIVORCE - INVEST YOUR EFFORT AND MONEY IN COMPETENT COUNSELING - that saves the lives of both spouses and the lives of their children AND the LIVES of thousands of innocent people nationwide & worldwide. The mass shooters are all from a family with divorced parents - and no father in the household.
Once again: STAF, Inc.'s new marriage restoring counseling methods are given a lifetime result-guarantee with a one-time-fee only - no one else anywhere gives such a guarantee.
NEVER A DIVORCE - INVEST YOUR EFFORT AND MONEY IN COMPETENT COUNSELING
Every traditionally done marriage (= met, dating, falling in love, someone proposed, wedding plans, wedding)
has true love between the husband and wife - true love never dies. A traditionally done marriage (as most marriages are) can ALWAYS be healed. When the marriage is healed the happiness in the marriage is better and deeper than ever before, better than at the beginning of the marriage. STAF, Inc. calls it "The Heavenly Marriage Happiness"
________________________
ANALYSIS
The broken family syndrome™
(1) The mass shooter, 20-year-old Mr. Adam Lanza of Newtown, CT, was a victim of his parents' divorce.
(2) Mr. Adam Lanza lived with his mother without his father.
(3) Mr. Adam Lanza learned & believed from his parents arguments that his mother was the reason for the divorce.
(4) Mr. Adam Lanza started hating his mother who, in experience and in his belief, was the reason that he did not have is father living with him - he needed (as any child does) daily his father attention, guidance & love - those elements missing the child's development starts going to a disastrous direction
(5) Mr. Adam Lanza killed first his mother in their home by shooting her directly between the eyes
(6) Mr. Adam Lanza had chosen a kinder garden school and its children to kill next because he felt strongly that they had a better life with their 2 parents present an he did not - a treasure he did not have. He decided pay back his loss of his father's attention, guidance & love
(7) Mr. Adam Lanza killed as many children he could and felt rewarded by his deed
(8) Mr. Adam Lanza killed himself because he did know that his parents would not restore their marriage and he knew he had lost his father forever.
MOST LIKELY this mass shooting would have been prevented had his parents never divorced and if his parents had instead invested their money and effort in a competent Marriage Counseling or in STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restoring Service.
MOST LIKELY this mass shooting could have been prevented if our whole society would understand that marriage is forever, that a traditionally done marriages (as most of marriages are) has had real true love in it - true love never die but can be pressed under the negative strong feelings without real knowledge of human behavior.
Mr. Adam Lanza of Newtown, CT, the 20-year-old who killed 20 kids and six adults, himself and his mother, totals 28, at a Connecticut elementary school Friday, 12/14/12, was very bright, say neighbors and former classmates, but he became later socially awkward and deeply troubled.
Adam Lanza grew up in a wealthy family with 2 educated, well-to-d0 parents
All was good until the parents divorced
After the divorce Adam's behavior started changing as is always the case with any and every child in and after a divorce situation.
Are you so irresponsible and selfish as a husband/wife/parent that you will risk the safety, life and future of every member of your family? And the safety of our society?
Selfishly just rushing into a divorce process is one of the most irresponsible actions you can take.
SEE THE LIST BELOW WHAT 12 DISASTERS EVERY CHILD IS FACING IN A DIVORCE SITUATION.
Will you risk your children's future (and your own and your spouse's) because of your own lack of knowledge of the disasters a divorce will bring to both parents and to their children?
STAF, Inc. calls it The broken family syndrome™
Every marriage done in a traditional manner (= met, dated, fell in love, someone proposed, wedding plans, wedding)
has real love between both spouses. Real love never dies. Never, even though we may think so when the negative emotions start running your lives. INSTEAD OF DIVORCING, go to a competent Marriage Counselor and step-by-step clear and clean your hardship in your marriage. It can be done - you can do it together with your spouse with the Counselor's help.
Your difficulties are nothing rare - EVERY marriage runs, sooner or later into difficulties for this basic reason:
not many couples get any training for 'how to be happily married forever' - it should be the law that everyone gets the basic marriage happiness & success info. It would save plenty of human suffering. STAF, Inc. is working on creating new legislation for this most important human relationship. STAF, Inc.'s founding President, Dr. Christian is also seeking a Congress Seat in D.C. and also seeks to be the first director of a new federal agency in D.C., an agency that will educate the whole nation in the marriage matters as well in all other topics relating to a successful life.
STAF, Inc. has the most effective new techniques to restore any broken marriage, even after a divorce. STAF, Inc. has Marriage Restorers™ who are specially trained in the newest techniques. STAF, Inc. is a-not-for-profit organization and does what it name indicates: Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit.
________________________
CHILD GROWING UP IN A
SINGLE-PARENT
FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY
WITHOUT A FATHER
(1) Faces overall increased risks to health and welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) seriously increased risk of having a stroke
during his/her life time. For # 12 risk see a detailed article further below
Are you willing to risk your child
falling into the disasters listed above
?
STAF, Inc. calls it The Broken Family Syndrome (TM)
_______________
The massacre on 12/14/12 of 26 children and adults
at a Connecticut elementary school
Conn. police find 'very good evidence' on gunman
By JOHN CHRISTOFFERSEN and JIM FITZGERALD | Associated Press
NEWTOWN, Conn. (AP) 12/14/12 — The massacre of 26 children and adults at a Connecticut elementary school elicited horror and soul-searching around the world even as it raised more basic questions about why the gunman, a 20-year-old described as brilliant but remote, was driven to such a crime and how he chose his victims.
Investigators were trying to learn more about Adam Lanza and questioned his older brother, who was not believed to have been involved in the rampage at Sandy Hook Elementary. Police shed no light on the motive for the second-deadliest school shooting in U.S. history.
In tight-knit Newtown on Friday night, hundreds of people packed St. Rose of Lima Church and stood outside in a vigil for the 28 dead — 20 children and six adults at the school, the gunman's mother at home, and the gunman himself, who committed suicide. People held hands, lit candles and sang "Silent Night."
"These 20 children were just beautiful, beautiful children," Monsignor Robert Weiss said. "These 20 children lit up this community better than all these Christmas lights we have. ... There are a lot brighter stars up there tonight because of these kids."
Lanza is believed to have suffered from a personality disorder and lived with his mother, said a law enforcement official who was briefed on the investigation.
Asked at a news conference whether Lanza had left any emails or other writings that might explain the rampage, state police Lt. Paul Vance said investigators had found "very good evidence" and hoped it would answer questions about the gunman's motives. Vance would not elaborate.
The tragedy plunged the picturesque New England town of 27,000 people into mourning.
"People in my neighborhood are feeling guilty about it being Christmas. They are taking down decorations," said Jeannie Pasacreta, a psychologist who volunteered her services and was advising parents struggling with how to talk to their children.
Lanza shot his mother, Nancy Lanza, drove to the school in her car with at least three of her guns, and opened fire in two classrooms around 9:30 a.m. Friday, law enforcement officials said, speaking on condition of anonymity.
A custodian ran through the halls, warning of a gunman, and someone switched on the intercom, perhaps saving many lives by letting them hear the chaos in the school office, a teacher said. Teachers locked their doors and ordered children to huddle in a corner, duck under their desks or hide in closets as shots reverberated through the building.
The well-liked principal, Dawn Hochsprung, was believed to be among the dead. A woman who worked at the school was wounded.
Maryann Jacob, a clerk in the school library, was in there with 18 fourth-graders when they heard a commotion and gunfire outside the room. She had the youngsters crawl into a storage room, and they locked the door and barricaded it with a file cabinet. There happened to be materials for coloring, "so we set them up with paper and crayons."
After what she guessed was about an hour, officers came to the door and knocked, but those inside couldn't be sure it was the police.
"One of them slid his badge under the door, and they called and said, 'It's OK, it's the police,'" she said.
A law enforcement official speaking on condition of anonymity said investigators believe Lanza attended the school several years ago but appeared to have no recent connection to it. It was not clear whether he held a job.
At least one parent said Lanza's mother was a substitute teacher at the school. But her name did not appear on a staff list. And the official said investigators were unable to establish any connection so far between her and the school.
Lanza's older brother, 24-year-old Ryan Lanza, of Hoboken, N.J., was questioned, and investigators searched his computers and phone records, but he told law enforcement he had not been in touch with his brother since about 2010.
For about two hours late Friday and early Saturday, clergy members and emergency vehicles moved steadily to and from the school. The state medical examiner's office said bodies of the victims would be taken there for autopsies.
The gunman forced his way into the kindergarten-through-fourth-grade school, authorities said. He took three guns into the school — a Glock and a Sig Sauer, both semiautomatic pistols, and a .223-caliber Bushmaster rifle, according to an official who was not authorized to discuss information with reporters and spoke on the condition of anonymity. The weapons were registered to his slain mother.
Lanza and his mother lived in a well-to-do part of prosperous Newtown, about 60 miles northeast of New York City, where neighbors are doctors or hold white-collar positions at companies such as General Electric, Pepsi and IBM.
His parents filed for divorce in 2008, according to court records. His father, Peter Lanza, lives in Stamford, Conn., and works as a tax director for GE.
The gunman's aunt Marsha Lanza, of Crystal Lake, Ill., said her nephew was raised by kind, nurturing parents who would not have hesitated to seek mental help for him if he needed it.
"Nancy wasn't one to deny reality," Marsha Lanza said, adding her husband had seen Adam as recently as June and recalled nothing out of the ordinary.
Catherine Urso, of Newtown, said her college-age son knew the killer. "He just said he was very thin, very remote and was one of the goths," she said.
Lanza attended Newtown High School, and several news clippings from recent years mention his name among the honor roll students.
Joshua Milas, who graduated from Newtown High in 2009 and belonged to the school technology club with him, said that Lanza was generally a happy person but that he hadn't seen him in a few years.
"We would hang out, and he was a good kid. He was smart," Joshua Milas said. "He was probably one of the smartest kids I know. He was probably a genius."
The mass shooting is one of the deadliest in U.S. history, and among school attacks is second in victims only to the 2007 Virginia Tech massacre, which left 33 people dead, including the gunman. Reaction was swift and emotional in Newtown and beyond.
"It has to stop, these senseless deaths," said Frank DeAngelis, principal of Colorado's Columbine High School, where a massacre in 1999 killed 15 people.
In Washington, the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence organized a vigil at the White House, with some protesters chanting, "Today IS the day" to take steps to curb gun violence. In New York's Times Square, a few dozen people held tea lights in plastic cups, with one woman holding a sign that read: "Take a moment and candle to remember the victims of the Newtown shooting."
President Barack Obama's comments on the tragedy amounted to one of the most outwardly emotional moments of his presidency.
"The majority of those who died were children — beautiful little kids between the ages of 5 and 10 years old," Obama said at a White House news briefing. He paused for several seconds to keep his composure as he teared up and wiped an eye. Nearby, two aides cried and held hands.
Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard described the attack as a "senseless and incomprehensible act of evil."
"Like President Obama and his fellow Americans, our hearts too are broken," Gillard said in a statement.
In Japan, where guns are severely restricted and there are extremely few gun-related crimes, the attack led the news two days before parliamentary elections. In China, which has seen several knife rampages at schools in recent years, the attack quickly consumed public discussion.
In Newtown, Robert Licata said his 6-year-old son was in class when the gunman burst in and shot the teacher. "That's when my son grabbed a bunch of his friends and ran out the door," he said. "He was very brave. He waited for his friends."
He said the shooter didn't utter a word.
Kaitlin Roig, a teacher at the school, said she implored her students to be quiet.
"I told them we had to be absolutely quiet. Because I was just so afraid if he did come in, then he would hear us and just start shooting the door. I said we have to be absolutely quiet. And I said there are bad guys out there now and we need to wait for the good guys to come get us out," Roig told ABC.
"If they started crying, I would take their face and say, 'It's going to be OK. Show me your smile,'" she said. "They said, 'We want to go home for Christmas. Yes, yeah. I just want to hug my mom.' Things like that, that were just heartbreaking."
___
Contributing to this report were Associated Press writers Pat Eaton-Robb and Matt Apuzzo and videographer Robert Ray in Newtown; Bridget Murphy in Boston; Samantha Henry in Newark, N.J.; Pete Yost in Washington; Michael Melia in Hartford; and the AP News Research Center in New York.
EXPLORE RELATED CONTENT Click green:
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- Police, world wonder about Conn. shooting …
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Click green for further info _______________________________________________________________________________
CT Mass Gunman’s behavior indicates planning and control: Ex-FBI profiler states
He did not just snap - Mr. Lanza was not mentally sick
too much is being made about Lanza's mental health
see the reasons below
Click the green for further info
NEWTOWN, Conn., 12/18/12 —In stockpiling ammunition, smashing his computers and killing his mother as she slept, Adam Lanza undertook considerable preparation before shooting up an elementary school on Friday, a former FBI profiler said.
"He didn't just snap. This takes a lot of planning," said Mary Ellen O'Toole, who worked for 15 years in the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit where she studied psychopaths and helped capture killers.
O'Toole retired in 2009 and has no direct connection to the case.
Investigators had hoped Lanza's computers would shed some light on what caused him to massacre 20 first-graders and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary, a school he once attended. But the 20-year-old reportedly butchered his computer's hard drives with a hammer or screwdriver, according to ABC News.
Still, the FBI's Computer Analysis and Response Team has been working around the clock on the case and could make progress despite the damage.
"The FBI is pretty good, we can pull stuff off anything," O'Toole said.
O'Toole still assists law enforcement and has written a book titled "Dangerous Instincts." She says the Sandy Hook shootings are worse than any case she has dealt with before.
"I have not seen a case with callousness of this extreme," O'Toole said of Lanza's shooting rampage. "It's off the charts."
Multiple reports have painted Lanza, who lived alone with his divorced mother, as being socially awkward but very intelligent, especially when it came to computers.
O'Toole said the way Lanza carried out his killings suggested a high measure of control, including damaging the computers.
"His computers were very important him. They were a window to his world," O'Toole told Yahoo News. "He didn't want them to survive. He knew that they would give insight into him and didn't want people to have it."
Friends and family of Lanza's mother, 52-year-old Nancy Lanza, have said she dedicated her life to helping her son, who reportedly had Asperger's syndrome or other medical issues.
Asperger syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
________________
STAF, Inc.'s statement: Mr. Adam Lanza suffered from the Broken Family Syndrome™
- he hated his mother because she had filed for the divorce, an action that took his father away - Mr. Adam Lanza lived with his mother and was angry about not having his father - a figure that is important especially for a male child.
See above the 12 life-destroying facts every child faces in a family divorce situation - The Broken Family Syndrome™
_________________
O'Toole said people with Asperger's, which is a neurological disorder, aren't known to commit such violence and that too much is being made about Lanza's mental health.
"It's time we stop putting out the mental health issue as an excuse that he didn't know what he was doing," she said.
Lanza brought three guns into the school, all owned by his mother. He killed his victims with a high-powered semi-automatic rifle, but he also carried two pistols, one of which he used to take his own life. Police say he sprayed hundreds of bullets inside the school and had considerably more left over to use.
Shooting his mother while she slept and preloading numerous rounds of ammunition into the gun clips signals that Lanza was on a mission, O'Toole said.
"He wanted to accomplish maximum lethality," O'Toole said. "He was not out of touch with reality. I think he put some security measures in place so he wouldn't be stopped."
Which unfortunately meant choosing the most helpless of victims, she added.
"If you pick older people you are going to have some blowback," O'Toole said. "He didn't want people to interfere. When people take security measures like that, you know what you are doing is wrong."
EXPLORE RELATED CONTENT
Click the green:
He did not just snap - Mr. Lanza was not mentally sick
too much is being made about Lanza's mental health
see the reasons below
Click the green for further info
NEWTOWN, Conn., 12/18/12 —In stockpiling ammunition, smashing his computers and killing his mother as she slept, Adam Lanza undertook considerable preparation before shooting up an elementary school on Friday, a former FBI profiler said.
"He didn't just snap. This takes a lot of planning," said Mary Ellen O'Toole, who worked for 15 years in the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit where she studied psychopaths and helped capture killers.
O'Toole retired in 2009 and has no direct connection to the case.
Investigators had hoped Lanza's computers would shed some light on what caused him to massacre 20 first-graders and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary, a school he once attended. But the 20-year-old reportedly butchered his computer's hard drives with a hammer or screwdriver, according to ABC News.
Still, the FBI's Computer Analysis and Response Team has been working around the clock on the case and could make progress despite the damage.
"The FBI is pretty good, we can pull stuff off anything," O'Toole said.
O'Toole still assists law enforcement and has written a book titled "Dangerous Instincts." She says the Sandy Hook shootings are worse than any case she has dealt with before.
"I have not seen a case with callousness of this extreme," O'Toole said of Lanza's shooting rampage. "It's off the charts."
Multiple reports have painted Lanza, who lived alone with his divorced mother, as being socially awkward but very intelligent, especially when it came to computers.
O'Toole said the way Lanza carried out his killings suggested a high measure of control, including damaging the computers.
"His computers were very important him. They were a window to his world," O'Toole told Yahoo News. "He didn't want them to survive. He knew that they would give insight into him and didn't want people to have it."
Friends and family of Lanza's mother, 52-year-old Nancy Lanza, have said she dedicated her life to helping her son, who reportedly had Asperger's syndrome or other medical issues.
Asperger syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
________________
STAF, Inc.'s statement: Mr. Adam Lanza suffered from the Broken Family Syndrome™
- he hated his mother because she had filed for the divorce, an action that took his father away - Mr. Adam Lanza lived with his mother and was angry about not having his father - a figure that is important especially for a male child.
See above the 12 life-destroying facts every child faces in a family divorce situation - The Broken Family Syndrome™
_________________
O'Toole said people with Asperger's, which is a neurological disorder, aren't known to commit such violence and that too much is being made about Lanza's mental health.
"It's time we stop putting out the mental health issue as an excuse that he didn't know what he was doing," she said.
Lanza brought three guns into the school, all owned by his mother. He killed his victims with a high-powered semi-automatic rifle, but he also carried two pistols, one of which he used to take his own life. Police say he sprayed hundreds of bullets inside the school and had considerably more left over to use.
Shooting his mother while she slept and preloading numerous rounds of ammunition into the gun clips signals that Lanza was on a mission, O'Toole said.
"He wanted to accomplish maximum lethality," O'Toole said. "He was not out of touch with reality. I think he put some security measures in place so he wouldn't be stopped."
Which unfortunately meant choosing the most helpless of victims, she added.
"If you pick older people you are going to have some blowback," O'Toole said. "He didn't want people to interfere. When people take security measures like that, you know what you are doing is wrong."
EXPLORE RELATED CONTENT
Click the green:
- Play VideoS. Fla. Based FBI Profiler Weighs In …
CBS-Miami
Were warning signs missed? - Mediator: Mom didn't like to leave gunman …
- The mother of Connecticut school shooter Adam Lanza told a divorce mediator in 2009 that she didn't … Full Story »Mediator: Mom didn't like to leave gunman alone
Associated Press
Play VideoFormer FBI profiler offers insights … - CBSTV Videos
________________________________________________________________________________
Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-The CT Sandy Hook Elementary School Mass Shooting
In the discussions in the public forum "Why someone is capable doing so horrible?" no one seems to know "Why?" Yet, there is a one clear answer to "Why?"
Almost all mass shooters have one thing in common: they themselves are victims of a divorced parents family and they are all males. A boy growing up needs especially his father's continuous presence and guidance, more so than his mother's guidance. The moral in our marriage situation has gone close to a zero. The children grow up disturbed & misled. In addition, the violent video games & violent movies are replacing the parental love & healthy attention - the children get a wrong picture about being a human being.
Our schools, Colleges & Universities in the U.S. provide almost no training for the most important human relationship:
marriage. In addition, most new parent have no knowledge about child care & healthy child raising. STAF, Inc. is building legislation initiatives to solve this lacking training.
Most marriage counselors fail in their effort because the College training they receive is not up-to-date relating to "the modern days".
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - they are listed in our website.
The answers to all these topics are in our extensive website www.staf1org.weebly.com, in tab: Services, sub-tab: Restoring any marriage™ - and additional information for a successful, happy life in every tab.
Most people have no clue what a divorce does to the children.
This CT case is a typical situation: first the 20-year old killed and disfigured his mother in her home. He hated his mother because he believed she was the reason for the separation and he could not stay with his father. His mother had filed for the divorce when Mr. Adam Lanza was 17 - just 3 years before. The pain was still fresh and strong. Every child is going through the same and will start suffering from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™
Then Mr. Adam Lanza went to kill children because in his belief he deserves the same happiness as the other children have - - because he did not he wanted to kill as many children as he just could.
Then he kills himself to get rid of his pain coming from the parental divorce and to avoid being arrested - the facts show Mr. Lanza knew what he was doing - he was not mentally sick.
The primary solution is not in the gun laws. The guns will be found no matter how many restrictions. Yes, STAF, Inc. supports certain important restrictions mainly for preventing mass shooting. We Americans have the right to defend ourselves. However, we should close the loopholes for online gun sales and gun shows. The President should fast put a ban on assault rifles and large ammo magazines (ammo = informal short for ammunition).
These weapons and ammunition can be used to kill large numbers of people quickly, and regulating them certainly falls within the bounds of the Second Amendment.
See: Second Amendment to the United States Constitution - Wikipedia ...en.wikipedia.org/.../Second_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Con...
When a child grows up in a healthy, loving home with 2 loving parents, the child has a good chance to become a healthy-minded teenager & a successful adult. Then the person has no need to find the guns to revenge his own Broken Family Syndrome™ suffering.
The primary solution is to start educating the whole nation how to heal the American Family & our homes where our children are growing up. The secondary are the gun laws, except the few restrictions mentioned above what the President should immediately restrict using his executive order power.
The country has hundreds of thousands of family counselors - not many of them seem to fully comprehend what our international, leading specialists at The Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit-, have figured out.
These and many related reasons for our unstable vs. stable nation, including the matters relating to our healthy nutrition, to our high overweight & obesity level causing multitudes of deadly sicknesses - all mostly avoidable with a healthy lifestyle.
STAF, Inc. has developed a new, never before existing program for the U.S. gov. use as the solution for all these challenges in our nation. The new program will be introduced in D.C. in 2013 in a one day televised event.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a result-bringing manner
Listen to STAF, Inc.'s Radio Shows (see website for links) and study our website for all answers in every area of a successful life. All details on our extensive website: www.staf1org.weebly.com
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc.'s founding President
____________________________________________________________________________________
In the discussions in the public forum "Why someone is capable doing so horrible?" no one seems to know "Why?" Yet, there is a one clear answer to "Why?"
Almost all mass shooters have one thing in common: they themselves are victims of a divorced parents family and they are all males. A boy growing up needs especially his father's continuous presence and guidance, more so than his mother's guidance. The moral in our marriage situation has gone close to a zero. The children grow up disturbed & misled. In addition, the violent video games & violent movies are replacing the parental love & healthy attention - the children get a wrong picture about being a human being.
Our schools, Colleges & Universities in the U.S. provide almost no training for the most important human relationship:
marriage. In addition, most new parent have no knowledge about child care & healthy child raising. STAF, Inc. is building legislation initiatives to solve this lacking training.
Most marriage counselors fail in their effort because the College training they receive is not up-to-date relating to "the modern days".
Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - they are listed in our website.
The answers to all these topics are in our extensive website www.staf1org.weebly.com, in tab: Services, sub-tab: Restoring any marriage™ - and additional information for a successful, happy life in every tab.
Most people have no clue what a divorce does to the children.
This CT case is a typical situation: first the 20-year old killed and disfigured his mother in her home. He hated his mother because he believed she was the reason for the separation and he could not stay with his father. His mother had filed for the divorce when Mr. Adam Lanza was 17 - just 3 years before. The pain was still fresh and strong. Every child is going through the same and will start suffering from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™
Then Mr. Adam Lanza went to kill children because in his belief he deserves the same happiness as the other children have - - because he did not he wanted to kill as many children as he just could.
Then he kills himself to get rid of his pain coming from the parental divorce and to avoid being arrested - the facts show Mr. Lanza knew what he was doing - he was not mentally sick.
The primary solution is not in the gun laws. The guns will be found no matter how many restrictions. Yes, STAF, Inc. supports certain important restrictions mainly for preventing mass shooting. We Americans have the right to defend ourselves. However, we should close the loopholes for online gun sales and gun shows. The President should fast put a ban on assault rifles and large ammo magazines (ammo = informal short for ammunition).
These weapons and ammunition can be used to kill large numbers of people quickly, and regulating them certainly falls within the bounds of the Second Amendment.
See: Second Amendment to the United States Constitution - Wikipedia ...en.wikipedia.org/.../Second_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Con...
When a child grows up in a healthy, loving home with 2 loving parents, the child has a good chance to become a healthy-minded teenager & a successful adult. Then the person has no need to find the guns to revenge his own Broken Family Syndrome™ suffering.
The primary solution is to start educating the whole nation how to heal the American Family & our homes where our children are growing up. The secondary are the gun laws, except the few restrictions mentioned above what the President should immediately restrict using his executive order power.
The country has hundreds of thousands of family counselors - not many of them seem to fully comprehend what our international, leading specialists at The Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit-, have figured out.
These and many related reasons for our unstable vs. stable nation, including the matters relating to our healthy nutrition, to our high overweight & obesity level causing multitudes of deadly sicknesses - all mostly avoidable with a healthy lifestyle.
STAF, Inc. has developed a new, never before existing program for the U.S. gov. use as the solution for all these challenges in our nation. The new program will be introduced in D.C. in 2013 in a one day televised event.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a result-bringing manner
Listen to STAF, Inc.'s Radio Shows (see website for links) and study our website for all answers in every area of a successful life. All details on our extensive website: www.staf1org.weebly.com
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc.'s founding President
____________________________________________________________________________________
STAF, Inc.'s Comment placed on 12/28/12 with this article - STAF, Inc.'s comment below after the article
Sandy Hook shooter's DNA to be studied
The examination is expected to be looking for abnormalities or mutations Geneticists have been asked to study the DNA of Adam Lanza, the Connecticut man whose shooting rampage killed 27 people, including an entire first grade class.
Click green above & below for further info
The study, which experts believe may be the first of its kind, is expected to be looking for abnormalities or mutations in Lanza's DNA.
Connecticut Medical Examiner H. Wayne Carver has reached out to University of Connecticut's geneticists to conduct the study.
University of Connecticut spokesperson Tom Green says Carver "has asked for help from our department of genetics" and they are "willing to give any assistance they can."
Green said he could not provide details on the project, but said it has not begun and they are "standing by waiting to assist in any way we can."
Lanza, 20, carried out the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., just days before Christmas. His motives for the slaughter remain a mystery.
(STAF, Inc.'s comment: it is not a mystery - Mr. Lanza suffered from the Broken Family Syndrome™
Geneticists not directly involved in the study said they are likely looking at Lanza's DNA to detect a mutation or abnormality that could increase the risk of aggressive or violent behavior. They could analyze Lanza's entire genome in great detail and try to find unexpected mutations.
This seems to be the first time a study of this nature has been conducted, but it raises concerns in some geneticists and others in the field that there could be a stigma attached to people with these genetic characteristics if they are able to be narrowed down.
Arthur Beaudet, a professor at Baylor College of Medicine, said the University of Connecticut geneticists are most likely trying to "detect clear abnormalities of what we would call a mutation in a gene…or gene abnormalities and there are some abnormalities that are related to aggressive behavior."
"They might look for mutations that might be associated with mental illnesses and ones that might also increase the risk for violence," said Beaudet, who is also the chairman of Baylor College of Medicine's department of molecular and human genetics.
Beaudet believes geneticists should be doing this type of research because there are "some mutations that are known to be associated with at least aggressive behavior if not violent behavior."
"I don't think any one of these mutations would explain all of (the mass shooters), but some of them would have mutations that might be causing both schizophrenia and related schizophrenia violent behavior," Beaudet said. "I think we could learn more about it and we should learn more about it."
Beaudet noted that studying the genes of murderers is controversial because there is a risk that those with similar genetic characteristics could possibly be discriminated against or stigmatized, but he still thinks the research would be helpful even if only a "fraction" may have the abnormality or mutation.
"Not all of these people will have identifiable genetic abnormalities," Beaudet said, adding that even if a genetic abnormality is found it may not be related to a "specific risk."
"By studying genetic abnormalities we can learn more about conditions better and who is at risk and what might be dramatic treatments," Beaudet said, adding if the gene abnormality is defined the "treatment to stop" other mass shootings or "decrease the risk is much approved."
Others in the field aren't so sure.
Dr. Harold Bursztajn, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, is a leader in his field on this issue writing extensively on genetic discrimination. He questions what the University of Connecticut researchers could "even be looking for at this point."
"Given how wide the net would have to be cast and given the problem of false positives in testing it is much more likely we would go ahead and find some misleading genetic markers, which would later be proven false while unnecessarily stigmatizing a very large group of people," Bursztajn said.
Bursztajn also cautions there are other risks to this kind of study: that other warning signs could be ignored.
"It's too risky from the stand point of unduly stigmatizing people, but also from distracting us from real red flags to prevent violence from occurring," Bursztajn said. "The last thing we need when people are in the midst of grief is offering people quick fixes which may help our anxiety, but can be counterproductive to our long term safety and ethics."
Bursztajn is also the president of the American Unit of the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) Bioethics Chair and in that role he teaches health care professionals about responsible genetic education including the history of eugenics in this country in the 1920s and Nazi Germany. He cautions against the slippery slope that the kind of research that could be involved in the University of Connecticut's study could lead to.
Dr. Heidi Tissenbaum, a geneticist at the University of Massachusetts medical school, agrees the research is risky saying an accurate study just cannot be completed on one person.
"The problem is there might be a genetic component, but we don't have enough of a sample size," Tissenbaum said. "I think it's much more than a simple genetic answer, but an interplay between genetics and environment."
"One sample, what's that going to tell you," Tissenbaum said, referring to Lanza's DNA. "You never do an experiment with one, you can't conclude anything… The question is what are they comparing his DNA against? Are they going to control to random people? Matching for age or society? We just don't have enough (of a sample)."
Tissenbaum says the rush to study his DNA may simply be because "people are hurting so much they would like to find a quick answer."
"Even identical twins are different and they have identical DNA," Tissenbaum noted.
Source: ABC News
Click green above for further info
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Continues below
STAF, Inc.'s Comment placed on 12/28/12 on the internet relating to the above article
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- Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-
In the discussions in the public forum "Why someone is capable doing so horrible?" no one seems to know "Why?" Yet, there is a one clear answer to "Why?" - STAF, Inc,'s presence is needed in the Biden Gun law renewal Committee.
Almost all mass shooters have two things in common: (1) they are victims of a divorce & (2) they are all males. - A growing boy needs especially his father's continuous presence and guidance, more so than his mother's. The moral in our marriages has gone close to a zero. The children grow up disturbed & misled. In addition, the violent video games & violent movies are replacing the parental love & healthy attention - the children get a wrong picture about being a human being. The young mass killers suffer from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™
Our schools, Colleges & Universities in the U.S. provide almost no training for the most important human relationship: marriage. In addition, most new parents have no knowledge about child care & healthy child raising. In most other western countries these skills are taught during 1 - 12 levels.
STAF, Inc. is building legislation initiatives to solve this lacking training.
Most marriage counselors fail in their effort because the College training they receive is not up-to-date relating to "the modern days".
The divorcing spouses will experience (1) health challenges leading to a shorter life span and (2) to added financial difficulties. Every child experiencing a parental divorce faces serious life threatening disasters - the most important listed here: (1) overall increased risks to health & welfare; (2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide; (3) 32 times more likely to run away; (4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders; (5) 14 times more likely to commit rape; (6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school; (7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs; (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison; (9) increased learning difficulties; (10) increased risk of divorce when grown; (11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies; (12) Latest discovery by the researches: highly increased risk of having a stroke during his/her life time.
Additional life threatening challenges all children & all divorcing spouses will experience listed in our website in tab "Services", sub-tab "Restoring Any Marriage™.
No link allowed in this text - to find the correct website, use STAF, Inc.'s Radio Show title "DrDrCanYouHelpMe" in the internet search. Most people have no clue what a divorce does to the children.
This CT case is a typical situation: first the 20-year old killed and disfigured his mother in her home. He hated his mother because he could not stay with his father. His mother had filed for the divorce when Mr. Adam Lanza was 17 - just 3 years before. The pain was still fresh and strong. Every child in a divorce situation is going through the same and will start suffering from the Broken Marriage Syndrome™
Then Mr. Adam Lanza went to kill children because in his belief he deserved the same happiness as the other children.
Then he kills himself to get rid of his pain coming from the parental divorce and to avoid being arrested - the facts show Mr. Lanza knew what he was doing - he was not mentally sick.
The primary solution is not in the gun laws. The guns will be found no matter how many restrictions. Yes, STAF, Inc. supports certain important restrictions mainly for preventing mass shootings. We Americans have the right to defend ourselves. However, we should close the loopholes for online gun sales and gun shows. The President should fast put a ban on assault rifles and large ammo magazines (ammo = informal short for ammunition).
When a child grows up in a healthy, loving home with 2 loving parents, the child has a good chance to become a healthy-minded teenager & a successful adult. Then the person has no need to find the guns to revenge his own Broken Family Syndrome™ suffering.
The primary solution is to start educating the whole nation how to heal the American Family & our homes where our children are growing up. The secondary are the gun laws, except the few restrictions mentioned above what the President should immediately restrict using his executive order power.
STAF, Inc.'s presence is needed in D.C. in the U.S. Congress (House & Senate). STAF, Inc.'s founding President is planning to seek a seat in D.C. Congress/Senate to provide the necessary information to the D.C. lawmakers. New legislation and training for all these matters are needed in a result-bringing manner.
Visit our website and listen to STAF, Inc.'s popular Radio Show (you'll get free CEU & College-University credits).
Respectfully,
Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D.
STAF, Inc.'s founding President - Comment from the public
Sheila Moore • 19 hours ago
If no one expects to find a genetic marker, why is the state paying hundreds of thousands of dollars to have it done? I bet there are DNA tests for outstanding rape cases that are just begging to be done...
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December 19, 2012 - Relating to the CT mass shootings on 12/14/12
Click green topic: Biden launches post-Newtown push on guns
You said, "Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit- In the discussions in the public forum "Why someone is capable doing so horrible?" no one seems to know "Why?" Yet, there is a one clear answer to "Why?"... Click green word "More" More..."Comment by Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,-not-for-profit-
In the discussions in the public forum "Why someone is capable doing so horrible?" no one seems to know "Why?" Yet, there is a one clear answer to "Why?"... More
______________________________________________________
THE HISTORY:
The Newtown, CT, massacre is the second-deadliest school shooting in U.S. history and one of the deadliest mass shootings around the world.
A gunman at Virginia Tech University killed 33, including himself, in 2007. Only Virginia Tech and the mass killings of 77 in Norway last year had greater death tolls across the world over the past 20 years.
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Divorce Mediator:
Mom didn't like to leave gunman alone
STAF, Inc. states: Mr. Adam Lanza suffered from the Broken Family Syndrome™
STAMFORD, Conn. (AP) — The mother of Connecticut school shooter Adam Lanza told a divorce mediator in 2009 that she didn't like to leave him alone and that she would care for him as long as he needed it.
When Lanza's parents divorced in 2009, the settlement left his mother with a comfortable income and the comfort of knowing that the then-17-year-old boy would have his education paid for and his medical insurance covered.
If there was bitterness and anger between Nancy and Peter Lanza, it is not described in court papers. And there was no mention of any lingering mental health or medical issues for Adam Lanza, nothing that could even hint at the horror he would unleash three years later.
In working through the terms of their divorce, the couple spent considerable time talking about how to provide for Adam Lanza's well-being, said Paula Levy, a mediator who worked with the couple.
During their meetings, the couple mentioned that Adam Lanza had been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, an autism-like disorder, Levy said. But the Lanzas were in complete agreement on how to address Adam's needs and said little about the details of his condition, Levy said.
"The only two things I remember them saying is that she really didn't like to leave him alone and I know they went out of their way to accommodate him," said Levy, who recalled Nancy and Peter Lanza as very respectful of each other and equally concerned about their son's needs.
"They worked together about it," Levy said. "The mom, Nancy, pretty much said she was going to take care of him (Adam) and be there as much as he needed her, even long-term."
While she would not disclose details of their discussions, Levy wanted to make clear that the Lanzas were loving parents who wanted the best for their son.
"These people are soft-spoken, gentle, both of them saying, 'What can we do to help him?'" Levy said.
The lawyer who represented Nancy Lanza in the divorce also spoke positively of her, calling her courteous and polite.
"She was an intelligent woman who we were pleased to represent," said the firm of Piazza, Simmons & Grant in Stamford.
Adam Lanza shot his mother in the head with a rifle Friday, then headed to Sandy Hook Elementary School armed with her high-power rifle, two handguns and enough ammunition to kill nearly every child in the building, authorities said. He killed 20 students and six adults before police arrived and he shot himself.
The Lanzas married in June 1981 in Kingston, N.H. Nancy Lanza filed for divorce in 2009, by then living with her son in the home where she was found dead in her pajamas, on her bed.
The documents suggest little argument. The couple agreed to split up their jewelry, clothes and family photos. Adam would live with his mother, the couple agreed, and they agreed to talk about the important decisions.
If it turned out they couldn't agree on something related to Adam's upbringing, Nancy Lanza "shall make the final decision," according to the Sept. 24, 2009, settlement approved by Judge Stanley Novak.
There is nothing in the divorce court file that discusses the relationship's underlying problems. The file simply says the marriage "has broken down irretrievably and there is no possibility of getting back together."
Nancy Lanza, received $289,800 in alimony this year. It was to continue until December 2023, with slight increases each year for cost of living.
As part of the divorce, both Nancy and Peter Lanza were ordered to attend a parenting education program, standard practice in Connecticut. The provider, Family Centers Inc., certified that both completed the required sessions.
Authorities pored over computer, cellphone and credit card records trying to piece together the Lanza family's days leading up to the shooting. Peter Lanza, in a statement this weekend, said that like everyone else, he could not comprehend what had unfolded.
"We too are asking why," he said. "We have cooperated fully with law enforcement and will continue to do so. Like so many of you, we are saddened, but struggling to make sense of what has transpired."
Asperger's is a mild form of autism often characterized by social awkwardness. While people with the disorder can become frustrated more easily, there is no evidence of a link between Asperger's and violent behavior, experts say.
___
AP National Writer Adam Geller reported from Southbury, Conn.
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__________________________________________________________________
Mom didn't like to leave gunman alone
STAF, Inc. states: Mr. Adam Lanza suffered from the Broken Family Syndrome™
STAMFORD, Conn. (AP) — The mother of Connecticut school shooter Adam Lanza told a divorce mediator in 2009 that she didn't like to leave him alone and that she would care for him as long as he needed it.
When Lanza's parents divorced in 2009, the settlement left his mother with a comfortable income and the comfort of knowing that the then-17-year-old boy would have his education paid for and his medical insurance covered.
If there was bitterness and anger between Nancy and Peter Lanza, it is not described in court papers. And there was no mention of any lingering mental health or medical issues for Adam Lanza, nothing that could even hint at the horror he would unleash three years later.
In working through the terms of their divorce, the couple spent considerable time talking about how to provide for Adam Lanza's well-being, said Paula Levy, a mediator who worked with the couple.
During their meetings, the couple mentioned that Adam Lanza had been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, an autism-like disorder, Levy said. But the Lanzas were in complete agreement on how to address Adam's needs and said little about the details of his condition, Levy said.
"The only two things I remember them saying is that she really didn't like to leave him alone and I know they went out of their way to accommodate him," said Levy, who recalled Nancy and Peter Lanza as very respectful of each other and equally concerned about their son's needs.
"They worked together about it," Levy said. "The mom, Nancy, pretty much said she was going to take care of him (Adam) and be there as much as he needed her, even long-term."
While she would not disclose details of their discussions, Levy wanted to make clear that the Lanzas were loving parents who wanted the best for their son.
"These people are soft-spoken, gentle, both of them saying, 'What can we do to help him?'" Levy said.
The lawyer who represented Nancy Lanza in the divorce also spoke positively of her, calling her courteous and polite.
"She was an intelligent woman who we were pleased to represent," said the firm of Piazza, Simmons & Grant in Stamford.
Adam Lanza shot his mother in the head with a rifle Friday, then headed to Sandy Hook Elementary School armed with her high-power rifle, two handguns and enough ammunition to kill nearly every child in the building, authorities said. He killed 20 students and six adults before police arrived and he shot himself.
The Lanzas married in June 1981 in Kingston, N.H. Nancy Lanza filed for divorce in 2009, by then living with her son in the home where she was found dead in her pajamas, on her bed.
The documents suggest little argument. The couple agreed to split up their jewelry, clothes and family photos. Adam would live with his mother, the couple agreed, and they agreed to talk about the important decisions.
If it turned out they couldn't agree on something related to Adam's upbringing, Nancy Lanza "shall make the final decision," according to the Sept. 24, 2009, settlement approved by Judge Stanley Novak.
There is nothing in the divorce court file that discusses the relationship's underlying problems. The file simply says the marriage "has broken down irretrievably and there is no possibility of getting back together."
Nancy Lanza, received $289,800 in alimony this year. It was to continue until December 2023, with slight increases each year for cost of living.
As part of the divorce, both Nancy and Peter Lanza were ordered to attend a parenting education program, standard practice in Connecticut. The provider, Family Centers Inc., certified that both completed the required sessions.
Authorities pored over computer, cellphone and credit card records trying to piece together the Lanza family's days leading up to the shooting. Peter Lanza, in a statement this weekend, said that like everyone else, he could not comprehend what had unfolded.
"We too are asking why," he said. "We have cooperated fully with law enforcement and will continue to do so. Like so many of you, we are saddened, but struggling to make sense of what has transpired."
Asperger's is a mild form of autism often characterized by social awkwardness. While people with the disorder can become frustrated more easily, there is no evidence of a link between Asperger's and violent behavior, experts say.
___
AP National Writer Adam Geller reported from Southbury, Conn.
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- 6th-grader brings gun to school to protect against ‘Connecticut-style’ attack
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Golden retrievers sent to comfort Newtown survivors
NEWTOWN, Conn., 12/17/12 —A Lutheran charity group has sent about eight golden retrievers to comfort the survivors of Friday's mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn. Lutheran Church Charities in Addison, Ill., sent the dogs on an 800-mile journey to respond to the disaster.
Lutheran Church Charities President Tim Hetzner told the Chicago Tribune that the dogs
Click green: "are nonjudgmental. They are loving. They are accepting of anyone."
The dogs have traveled around the country to comfort people after disasters. "The dogs have become the bridge," Lynn Buhrke, 66, who is a handler for a female golden retriever name Chewie, told the Associated Press. "People just sit down and talk to you."
The dogs' first stop on Sunday was Christ the King Lutheran Church, where funerals were held for two children killed in the shootings, Hetzner told the AP. "You could tell which ones ... were really struggling with their grief because they were quiet. They would pet the dog, and they would just be quiet."
The comfort-dog initiative started in 2008 at Northern Illinois University after a gunman killed five students. A group of dog caretakers associated with Lutheran Church Charities went to provide a distraction for the student community. The initiative has grown from a handful of dogs in the Chicago area to 60 dogs in six different states, Hetzner said.
The LCC website notes that the eight dogs serving in Newtown are Abbi, Barnabas, Chewie, Hannah, Luther, Prince, Ruthie, and Shami.
Source: yahoo news
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Claim seeks $100 million
for child survivor of Connecticut school shooting
MERIDEN, Connecticut (Reuters) - A $100 million claim on behalf of a 6-year-old survivor is the first legal action to come out of the Connecticut school shooting that left 26 children and adults dead two weeks ago.
The unidentified client, referred to as Jill Doe, heard "cursing, screaming, and shooting" over the school intercom when the gunman, 20-year-old Adam Lanza, opened fire, according to the claim filed by New Haven-based attorney Irv Pinsky.
"As a consequence, the ... child has sustained emotional and psychological trauma and injury, the nature and extent of which are yet to be determined," the claim said.
Pinsky said he filed a claim on Thursday, 12....7.12, with state Claims Commissioner J. Paul Vance Jr., whose office must give permission before a lawsuit can be filed against the state.
"We all know its going to happen again," Pinsky said on Friday. "Society has to take action."
Twenty children and six adults were shot dead on December 14 at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. The children were all 6 and 7 years old.
Pinsky's claim said that the state Board of Education, Department of Education and Education Commissioner had failed to take appropriate steps to protect children from "foreseeable harm."
It said they had failed to provide a "safe school setting" or design "an effective student safety emergency response plan and protocol."
Pinsky said he was approached by the child's parents within a week of the shooting.
The shooting, which also left the gunman dead, has prompted extensive debate about gun control and the suggestion by the National Rifle Association that schools be patrolled by armed guards. Police have said the gunman killed his mother at their home in Newtown before going to the school.
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Hollywood responds to deadly Conn. school shooting
Associated Press NEW YORK (AP), 12/15/12 — Hollywood has responded to the rampage at a Connecticut elementary school by pulling back on its offerings, and one star says the entertainment industry should take some responsibility for such violence.
Jamie Foxx, one of the industry's biggest stars, said Saturday as he promoted Quentin Tarantino's upcoming ultra-violent spaghetti Western-style film about slavery, "Django Unchained,"
that actors can't ignore the fact that movie violence can influence people.
"We cannot turn our back and say that violence in films or anything that we do doesn't have a sort of influence," Foxx said in an interview on Saturday. "It does."
In true Tarantino form, buckets of blood explode from characters as they are shot or shredded to pieces by rabid dogs in "Django Unchained."
Despite Friday's mass shooting, the press junket for the movie, which opens in theaters Christmas Day, continued in New York as scheduled on Saturday.
Tarantino, whose credits include "Pulp Fiction" and the "Kill Bill" volumes, said he was tired of defending his films each time the nation is shocked by gun violence. He said "tragedies happen" and blame should fall on those guilty of the crimes *) STAF, Inc.'s comment: The #1 reason is in our broken Families - the majority of the American families are broken - the broken family syndrome™
See detailed information above in another article. Everything else, including the movie & video violence,
is secondary. A balanced youngster would never look for guns, only the disturbed ones will.
Foxx's co-star Kerry Washington said she believes the film's explicit brutality serves an important purpose in educating audiences about the atrocities of slavery.
"I do think that it's important when we have the opportunity to talk about violence and not just kind of have it as entertainment, but connect it to the wrongs, the injustices, the social ills," she said.
In the Newtown, Conn., massacre on Friday, a gunman killed his mother and then went to an elementary school, where he killed six adults and 20 children before committing suicide.
In response, premieres for Tom Cruise's new action movie, "Jack Reacher," in Pittsburgh and the family comedy "Parental Guidance" in Los Angeles were postponed.
Also, Fox pulled new episodes of "Family Guy" and "American Dad" that were to air Sunday to avoid potentially sensitive content. The originally scheduled episode of "Family Guy" had Peter telling his own version of the nativity story. The "American Dad" episode told the story of a demon that punished naughty children at Christmas. Both series plan to substitute reruns.
Fox also confirmed that a scheduled repeat of "The Cleveland Show" for Sunday was swapped for another rerun of that series out of the same concern.
This article is for your private use, only,
except can be used for promoting safety & education
and the STAF, Inc. explained principles
___________________________________________________________
See below 12 disasters ruining our children in a divorce or in a separation = that's the broken family syndrome™
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12 disasters your child is facing
in a divorce or in a separation
Are you willing to risk your child falling in the disasters listed below ?
Are you willing to risk your child becoming a sociopath and a criminal monster?
? ? ?
CHILD GROWING UP IN A
SINGLE-PARENT
FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY WITHOUT
A FATHER
(1) Faces overall increased risks to health and welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) seriously increased risk of having a stroke
during his/her life time. For # 12 risk see a detailed article further below
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the disasters listed above
?
See detailed information below
_____________________________________________________________________
in a divorce or in a separation
Are you willing to risk your child falling in the disasters listed below ?
Are you willing to risk your child becoming a sociopath and a criminal monster?
? ? ?
CHILD GROWING UP IN A
SINGLE-PARENT
FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY WITHOUT
A FATHER
(1) Faces overall increased risks to health and welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) seriously increased risk of having a stroke
during his/her life time. For # 12 risk see a detailed article further below
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the disasters listed above
?
See detailed information below
_____________________________________________________________________
Click the green title for further info
"How the U.S. politicians think about the gun control"
* Democratic Senator Dianne Feinsteinplans to introduce legislation immediately
*Senator Charles Schumer, another top Senate Democrat, senses "tipping point" toward gun control
* Republican lawmakers signals continued opposition
WASHINGTON, Dec 16, 2012 (Reuters) - Several Democratic lawmakers called for a new push for U.S. gun restrictions on Sunday, including a ban on military-style assault weapons, in the wake of the Connecticut massacre in which 20 children and six adults were gunned down in a school.
Democratic Senator Dianne Feinstein, the author of an assault-weapons ban that lapsed in 2004, said she would introduce new legislation this week. Senator Dick Durbin, the chamber's No. 2 Democrat, said lawmakers would hold hearings on gun control, and several others said they would devote new attention to the long-ignored issue.
"I think we could be at a tipping point ... where we might get something done," Senator Charles Schumer, another top Senate Democrat, said on CBS's "Face the Nation."
Any effort to restrict access to high-powered weapons is likely to face fierce opposition from many Republicans in Congress who say restrictions violate the U.S. Constitution's right to bear arms.
Gun control has been a low priority for most U.S. politicians due to the widespread popularity of guns in America and the clout of the pro-gun National Rifle Association. Most Republicans and many Democrats, including Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, are firm allies of the group.
Opinion polls have found Americans to be divided on the issue even after other high-profile shooting incidents.
U.S. lawmakers have not approved a major new gun law since 1994.
Feinstein said her planned legislation would outlaw the high-capacity magazines and military-style assault rifles that have factored in many recent mass shootings, including Friday's massacre in Newtown, Connecticut. People who own such weapons now would not be required to give them up, Feinstein said.
She said she would introduce her bill in the Democratic-controlled Senate soon, and a companion bill would be introduced in the Republican-controlled House of Representatives.
Connecticut's Democratic governor and two senators, one a Democrat and one an independent, voiced support for an assault-weapons ban or restrictions on high-capacity magazines.
'AN ARMED PEOPLE'
A Republican lawmaker signaled ongoing opposition to gun control.
Asked on "Fox News Sunday" why Americans would need to own semi-automatic weapons, Republican Representative Louie Gohmert said, "Well, for the reason George Washington said: a free people should be an armed people. It ensures against the tyranny of the government, if they know that the biggest army is the American people."
Gohmert added, "Once you start drawing the line, where do you stop? ... Gun laws don't work."
President Barack Obama campaigned on gun control in 2008, but he has expanded gun rights in his first four years in office, signing legislation that would allow people to carry weapons on Amtrak trains and in national parks.
He tearfully called for "meaningful action" to prevent further tragedies on Friday, but the White House has declined to say what measures he would support.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, an outspoken gun-control advocate, said Obama will have to make the issue a priority to get any new laws enacted.
"It's time for the president, I think, to stand up and lead and tell this country what we should do - not go to Congress and say, 'What do you guys want to do?' This should be his number one agenda," Bloomberg said on NBC's "Meet the Press."
Connecticut Governor Dannel Malloy, who has met with families of the victims of Friday's massacre, spoke of the need for new gun control steps.
"These are assault weapons. You don't hunt deer with these things. And I think that's the question that a lot of people are going to have to resolve their own minds: Where should this line get drawn?" Malloy added.
Click green above for further info
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The Connecticut school massacre:
How the world sees us
Dated: 12/19/12
Click green for further info
Coverage of the school massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, was splashed across newspaper front pages around the world, a testament to the universal horror of a tragedy in which 20 children, all of them ages 6 and 7, were killed in their classrooms by a lone gunman. There was an outpouring of sympathy from the international community, which was inevitably followed by utter bewilderment at America's continued obsession with lethal weapons.
The U.S. is home to 270 million privately held guns, which equates to an average of nine guns per 10 people. (In second place, with roughly 1 gun for every two people, is Yemen, "a conflict-torn Arab nation still dealing with poverty, political unrest, a separatist Shia urgency, an al Qaeda branch, and the aftereffects of a 1994 civil war," notes Max Fisher at The Washington Post.) It is no coincidence that the U.S. also boasts the highest rate of gun-related deaths among developed countries — an American is 20 times more likely to die at the hands of a gun then another member of the developed world. Here, some reactions from around the world:
Click green publication titles below for further info
Canada's The Globe and Mail:
There is something inexorable about the phenomenon of mass shootings in the United States. We have been forced to write about it with tragic regularity for years. We have exhausted adjectives to describe our horror and revulsion. We have stated and restated the problem…
The time for platitudes is past, Mr. President. It’s time the U.S. cured its gun sickness.
Britain's The Guardian:
The final difference is in many ways the most destructive of all. This is America's sheer difficulty in conducting any kind of rational collective conversation about gun control. In any other country, a shooting spree of the sort that took place in Newtown would set off a serious public debate. That's what happened after Dunblane in the U.K., after Port Arthur in Australia, and after [Anders] Breivik's killings in Norway. Nothing like this is now possible in the polarized gun culture of America, where law and politics have been unable to respond to such events for at least 20 years. That is why President Obama's very mild call this weekend for "meaningful action to prevent more tragedies like this," was regarded as so unusual...
Mad men with guns will always be a danger, whatever the gun laws. But modern America still seems to lack the will to make even modest regulatory changes, let alone to confront a real and growing danger to the health and survival of significant numbers of its young people.
Briain Masters at Britain's The Telegraph:
In Arizona, where the attempted assassination of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and the slaughter of six others took place last year, almost anyone can have a permit to carry a concealed weapon and be allowed to take guns into a bar (where presumably they are going to drink something more potent than lemonade); that same state's legislators have talked about passing laws permitting teachers and students to carry their guns to school with them. Such is the contagion of madness.
Germany's Die Tageszeitung:
Beyond the individual state of the killer, the U.S. has a national pathology. The legality of gun ownership is a matter of course in the U.S., more so than anywhere else in the world. In 2012, some 270 million firearms were in private ownership. Every year, (thousands of) people are killed with them. In most states it's easier to get a firearm than a driver's license.
This madness can only — if at all — be stopped in moments like this one. Against the tragic backdrop of 20 murdered children. And of a president like Barack Obama who has just won an election. The right wing has been pushed back a little, the public is appalled by the massacre.
Germany's Süddeutsche Zeitung:
President Obama's "never again" are little more than plaintive words. He's trying to provide comfort, but he certainly isn't promising any improvement. During Obama's first term, more than 40,000 of his compatriots died in a hail of bullets. One out of 10 of these victims was under the age of 18. He never even had the courage to at least come up with stronger laws to take some of the deadliest weapons out of the hands of civilians. Viewed in political terms, that is at least equivalent to the crime of failing to assist a person in danger. Obama points to the constitutionally protected right for US citizens to possess weapons. In reality, however, he is wary of a battle with the Republicans and the gun lobby. Their opposition to almost any kind of gun control borders on political complicity in murder and manslaughter...
[T]here is no place in Western Europe where violence from gun barrels rampages in the way it does in the United States.
Germany's Stuttgarter Zeitung:
Nowhere else in the world are so many weapons in circulation as in the US. In no other country are citizens as well armed. The U.S. Constitution guarantees every American the right to move about in public as though he or she is John Wayne in person. One can see it as a national tradition. But this martial approach to liberty is also a relic of the past and one that is out of step with the times. Every 20 minutes, a U.S. citizen is murdered by a firearm. American schoolchildren are killed by bullets 10 times more often than in comparable industrialized countries. Such numbers speak for themselves.
Anne Davies at Australia's Sydney Morning Herald:
To Australians it seems incredible that U.S. politicians will not move to control guns. It seems illogical in the face of global statistics and our own experience of the success of the gun amnesty.
[T]he bigger task for American is to become a gentler, more trusting society, so that school children do not have to be drilled in cowering in store rooms.
Chemi Shalev at Israel's Haaretz:
"God takes pity on the kindergarten children" poet Yehuda Amichai wrote bitterly of a country in which it is the grownups," often Israeli soldiers, who are forced to pay the price. In America, God has no favorites: He allows even tiny angels to be massacred in a crazed and senselessly obsessed outburst of a lone gunman, armed to the teeth.
Perhaps, when President Barack Obama was shedding a tear, he grieved not only as a parent who thinks of his own children but also as a president who cries for his beloved country. These unthinkable but nonetheless recurring bloodbaths by shooting are peculiarly, if not exclusively, American, a stain on its image that gets brutally bigger as time goes by.
Tzipi Shmilovitz at Israel's Yedioth Ahronoth:
America is not ready to talk about how it is easier to get a handgun than it is to see a doctor, not ready to speak about the video games that have extreme violence. It is just willing to sweep up everything under the carpet of tears.
Peter Hellyer at the United Arab Emirates' The National:
How fortunate we are that in the United Arab Emirates such an event would appear to be almost inconceivable. Long may that remain so…
In the U.A.E., with about 8 million people, an equivalent rate would be 222 gun-related deaths annually. Yet so far this year, as far as I can see, there's been one — and that was either a suicide or an accident.
India's The Times of India:
For those griping about the American right to bear arms, wake up. This is the 21st century and America's a settled state, not the rough-edged, wide open spaces of the 1780s when the Constitution was framed and everything, from land to liberty, was based on violent contests. Bearing arms then might have made sense — doing so today is swallowing the nonsense posed as liberty by commercial lobbies. Some argue weapons empower victims against aggressors. If so, should second-graders pack pistols in their schoolbags? Such shaky logic simply intensifies dangerous situations.
Click green for further info
_______________________________________________________________________________________
How the world sees us
Dated: 12/19/12
Click green for further info
Coverage of the school massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, was splashed across newspaper front pages around the world, a testament to the universal horror of a tragedy in which 20 children, all of them ages 6 and 7, were killed in their classrooms by a lone gunman. There was an outpouring of sympathy from the international community, which was inevitably followed by utter bewilderment at America's continued obsession with lethal weapons.
The U.S. is home to 270 million privately held guns, which equates to an average of nine guns per 10 people. (In second place, with roughly 1 gun for every two people, is Yemen, "a conflict-torn Arab nation still dealing with poverty, political unrest, a separatist Shia urgency, an al Qaeda branch, and the aftereffects of a 1994 civil war," notes Max Fisher at The Washington Post.) It is no coincidence that the U.S. also boasts the highest rate of gun-related deaths among developed countries — an American is 20 times more likely to die at the hands of a gun then another member of the developed world. Here, some reactions from around the world:
Click green publication titles below for further info
Canada's The Globe and Mail:
There is something inexorable about the phenomenon of mass shootings in the United States. We have been forced to write about it with tragic regularity for years. We have exhausted adjectives to describe our horror and revulsion. We have stated and restated the problem…
The time for platitudes is past, Mr. President. It’s time the U.S. cured its gun sickness.
Britain's The Guardian:
The final difference is in many ways the most destructive of all. This is America's sheer difficulty in conducting any kind of rational collective conversation about gun control. In any other country, a shooting spree of the sort that took place in Newtown would set off a serious public debate. That's what happened after Dunblane in the U.K., after Port Arthur in Australia, and after [Anders] Breivik's killings in Norway. Nothing like this is now possible in the polarized gun culture of America, where law and politics have been unable to respond to such events for at least 20 years. That is why President Obama's very mild call this weekend for "meaningful action to prevent more tragedies like this," was regarded as so unusual...
Mad men with guns will always be a danger, whatever the gun laws. But modern America still seems to lack the will to make even modest regulatory changes, let alone to confront a real and growing danger to the health and survival of significant numbers of its young people.
Briain Masters at Britain's The Telegraph:
In Arizona, where the attempted assassination of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and the slaughter of six others took place last year, almost anyone can have a permit to carry a concealed weapon and be allowed to take guns into a bar (where presumably they are going to drink something more potent than lemonade); that same state's legislators have talked about passing laws permitting teachers and students to carry their guns to school with them. Such is the contagion of madness.
Germany's Die Tageszeitung:
Beyond the individual state of the killer, the U.S. has a national pathology. The legality of gun ownership is a matter of course in the U.S., more so than anywhere else in the world. In 2012, some 270 million firearms were in private ownership. Every year, (thousands of) people are killed with them. In most states it's easier to get a firearm than a driver's license.
This madness can only — if at all — be stopped in moments like this one. Against the tragic backdrop of 20 murdered children. And of a president like Barack Obama who has just won an election. The right wing has been pushed back a little, the public is appalled by the massacre.
Germany's Süddeutsche Zeitung:
President Obama's "never again" are little more than plaintive words. He's trying to provide comfort, but he certainly isn't promising any improvement. During Obama's first term, more than 40,000 of his compatriots died in a hail of bullets. One out of 10 of these victims was under the age of 18. He never even had the courage to at least come up with stronger laws to take some of the deadliest weapons out of the hands of civilians. Viewed in political terms, that is at least equivalent to the crime of failing to assist a person in danger. Obama points to the constitutionally protected right for US citizens to possess weapons. In reality, however, he is wary of a battle with the Republicans and the gun lobby. Their opposition to almost any kind of gun control borders on political complicity in murder and manslaughter...
[T]here is no place in Western Europe where violence from gun barrels rampages in the way it does in the United States.
Germany's Stuttgarter Zeitung:
Nowhere else in the world are so many weapons in circulation as in the US. In no other country are citizens as well armed. The U.S. Constitution guarantees every American the right to move about in public as though he or she is John Wayne in person. One can see it as a national tradition. But this martial approach to liberty is also a relic of the past and one that is out of step with the times. Every 20 minutes, a U.S. citizen is murdered by a firearm. American schoolchildren are killed by bullets 10 times more often than in comparable industrialized countries. Such numbers speak for themselves.
Anne Davies at Australia's Sydney Morning Herald:
To Australians it seems incredible that U.S. politicians will not move to control guns. It seems illogical in the face of global statistics and our own experience of the success of the gun amnesty.
[T]he bigger task for American is to become a gentler, more trusting society, so that school children do not have to be drilled in cowering in store rooms.
Chemi Shalev at Israel's Haaretz:
"God takes pity on the kindergarten children" poet Yehuda Amichai wrote bitterly of a country in which it is the grownups," often Israeli soldiers, who are forced to pay the price. In America, God has no favorites: He allows even tiny angels to be massacred in a crazed and senselessly obsessed outburst of a lone gunman, armed to the teeth.
Perhaps, when President Barack Obama was shedding a tear, he grieved not only as a parent who thinks of his own children but also as a president who cries for his beloved country. These unthinkable but nonetheless recurring bloodbaths by shooting are peculiarly, if not exclusively, American, a stain on its image that gets brutally bigger as time goes by.
Tzipi Shmilovitz at Israel's Yedioth Ahronoth:
America is not ready to talk about how it is easier to get a handgun than it is to see a doctor, not ready to speak about the video games that have extreme violence. It is just willing to sweep up everything under the carpet of tears.
Peter Hellyer at the United Arab Emirates' The National:
How fortunate we are that in the United Arab Emirates such an event would appear to be almost inconceivable. Long may that remain so…
In the U.A.E., with about 8 million people, an equivalent rate would be 222 gun-related deaths annually. Yet so far this year, as far as I can see, there's been one — and that was either a suicide or an accident.
India's The Times of India:
For those griping about the American right to bear arms, wake up. This is the 21st century and America's a settled state, not the rough-edged, wide open spaces of the 1780s when the Constitution was framed and everything, from land to liberty, was based on violent contests. Bearing arms then might have made sense — doing so today is swallowing the nonsense posed as liberty by commercial lobbies. Some argue weapons empower victims against aggressors. If so, should second-graders pack pistols in their schoolbags? Such shaky logic simply intensifies dangerous situations.
Click green for further info
_______________________________________________________________________________________
The next information has several parts
Study them all to become a more competent parent
Apply the information
Part 1: The life-destroying effects of a divorce explained;
Part 2: Solutions to how to save the future of all your family members;
Part 3: A recent example of a killing action plan by a Florida teenager - a teenager who himself was first a victim of a parental divorce living without his father in his mother's care. Both parents are needed to create a safe
emotional, mental & physical future for a child. Many more examples exist from the past how the divorce-
damaged teenagers go to their schools to kill the students and the teacher or aim to bomb the whole school
building down. All clear results from our moral gone done resulting into huge percentage of divorces and to
heavy human suffering. Is there a better solution. YES, there is. STAF, Inc. is the leading organization nationwide
and worldwide to research and create a better future for all American family and for every family worldwide.
The divorces are the culprits and the real "killers".
The divorces poison the children's minds and destroy their future.
The divorces poison the minds of both parents - a fact. As the result both parents
have more sicknesses and have a shorter life span. Is a divorce worth of all this damage?
Part 4: The list of 12 life-destroying disasters every child is facing in a divorce situation.
Part 4 - Listed just above next to the beginning of this material
All listed 12 life-destroying disasters are caused by our low moral leading to divorces that are fully unnecessary. The solution is for all of us to learn a higher level of moral responsibility, to learn to handle the challenges that will come to every marriage. The solution is NOT to give up your real love story but make your love story flourish with proper corrective actions. The solution is NOT to run away - the solution is to work out every challenge with proper counseling and with correct, new plans. Example: if your house gets water storm-damaged, do YOU run away and leave your belongings in00 the house - or do you start working to find a solution how to solve the situation? I do not think one healthy-minded person would just run away and give up the house and all what's inside it. The same with the challenges in your marriage - running away is NEVER a solution - finding a working solution and have the life situation corrected is the solution.
Part 5: Sociopath - all necessary details explained relating to a sociopath. A divorce can turn your child or all of your children into a sociopath - into a monster capable of suicide, capable of killing & murdering and harming other people. Is your divorce really worth of all this heavy price? Especially important question because there is ALWAYS a healthy solution, a life-saving solution to all marriage challenges.
STAF, Inc. has all solutions for every marriage, including for yours. STAF, Inc. can, with the modern technology give you A NEW LIFE and SUCCESS to save your marriage, to save your children, to save your family and to save your lives.
Quotation "Knowledge is no power - only applied knowledge is power"
(Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc.'s founding President)
________________________
Do you want your Child or Children
to turn into a
Sociopath ?
What is a sociopath ? Below it is carefully explained by the leading experts - study the info.
It is not below in this first article. Below are several articles explaining in full what a sociopath is.
The information is provided by the world-famous Mayo Clinic's well-known specialists.
Below is an article of a Florida teenager, experiences his parents' divorce, lived with his mother without his father.
Below is also a list of the 12 life-destroying disasters EVERY child faces in a divorce situation .
A divorce destroys both spouses and destroys the children. If we all knew the real facts what a divorce causes, no one with a healthy mind would ever get divorced, WHEN the marriage was done in a traditional manner.
Ask yourself: "Is or was my divorce worth so much that I had to cause my child to become a Sociopath and a criminal?"
If you already are divorced, contact STAF, Inc.'s world-class, leading Marriage Restorers (TM)
to guide you to know how to solve your situation.
STAF, Inc. can bring the Heavenly Happiness (TM) back to your life no matter what your situation.
A marriage knot in a traditional manner (see below for a definition) will survive everything because it is based in true, real love - such a love never dies. A divorce is not necessary.
Traditional manner: first you 2 met, then you started dating, then you fell in love, someone proposed, engagement ring or other similar symbol of bonds were selected, wedding plans started, wedding day came.
This took, in most cases, several years. The length how long it took is not the key. It may have taken only a few months. The main point is: when you 2 were ready to go through this much as all these steps took, you must have had REAL LOVE between the two of you.
Real love NEVER dies. NEVER.
We humans might think it does when the challenging difficulties appear.
The challenges come, sooner or later, to every marriage. The more you know about the true human behavior, motivations and real facts, the happier you will be in your marriage and the better you two can avoid life-destroying mistakes. To get divorced in a marriage knot in a traditionally marriage is ALWAYS unnecessary and a mistake even though we might not recognize it as such at the time of serious human challenges and deep disappointing emotions.
Take together pre-marital counseling from your church Pastors or other COMPETENT specialists before you get married. Not every licenced counselor is competent
If you did not take pre-marital counseling (most people do not know such a process exists), take counseling & coaching NOW together to avoid disasters. Take disaster avoiding counseling together when you 2 still have happy time in your marriage. A pre-marital counseling program fits very well for prevention of serious problems. DO it both together.
STAF, Inc. has a special program for your marriage to avoid disasters and difficulties before they come.
Take STAF, Inc. as your Marriage Happiness Restrorer (TM) - STAF, Inc. has the best methods bringing lasting results. STAF, Inc. provides you a guarantee no one else anywhere gives.
It's a double-guarantee: a lifetime result-guarantee with only a one-time fee.
Once more:
(1) A divorce IS NEVER necessary when you got married in the traditional manner.
(2) A divorce ALWAYS destroys the future of both parents and the future of all of their children.
Strong statements but true.
Here an example of a teenager, a child experiencing the separation & divorce of his parents. A divorce destroys the lives of both spouses and destroys their children.
Look at the list below this article - these actions are exactly where every child can potentially end after the divorce. Every child will experience several or all of the 12 terrible disasters the child is facing in and after his/her parents' divorce.
Is any divorce worth that much that you, as a parent a ready and willing to destroy your children's future.
Every marriage runs, sooner or later, into a hardship. Go together to (1) a competent marital adviser and
(2) to the Marriage Minister in your Church, to both with the serious aim to heal your marriage. Your Church Pastors' marital advisory sessions are based on the Bible and the Biblical Principles - for a religious person the Biblical guidance is positively life-changing information. STAF, Inc.'s affiliate church is Global Church of God - GCG. GCG's premarital and marital counseling is helpful & positive result-bringing work.
When your marriage is healed, your marriage happiness will be deeper than on your precious wedding day.
GCG calls it Heavenly Happiness (TM).
Best and most advanced Academic, non-religious marital healing technology is given by STAF, Inc.'s Marriage Restorers (TM). Based on your or any client's private wish STAF, Inc. combines the new technology with the Biblical Principles.
STAF, Inc. is the nationwide & worldwide leader in lasting marriage happiness Restoring principles. STAF, Inc. guides you to again experience The Heavenly Happiness (TM) in your marriage with the target that it will last for the rest of you lives.
Detailed information for STAF, Inc,'s services in this website in this and other tabs.
STAF, Inc. is the only organization nationwide & worldwide giving
a double-guarantee
to its Marriage Restoring (TM) services:
with one-time fee only a lifetime result guarantee
_____________________________
The teenager who turned to a sociopath and to a criminal monster is a victim of a
divorce and lived without his father in his mother's household.
This article below is an example what every child faces in a divorce situation.
______
Cell Phone Video Reveals Teen's Elaborate Plan
to Blow Up School
Click green for further info
Cell phone video just released by prosecutors offers a chilling view into the mind of a Florida teenager who in 2011 was charged with plotting to kill teachers and students with bombs at his Tampa high school.
Jared Cano, then 17, wrote a manifesto that detailed his plans for an attack in August 2011 on the first day of classes at Freedom High School in Tampa, Fla., from which he had been expelled in March 2010. Police arrived at the home where Cano lives with his mother to arrest him. In his home police recovered bomb-making material, including fuses, timers, shrapnel, accelerant and plastic tubing.
In the recently released video, Cano outlines to the minute his plans to blow up Freedom High School.
"For those of you retards who don't know who I am, I'm the Freedom High School shooter in Tampa, Florida. Well I will be in a couple months," Cano says on the video. "My plan is to set a bomb here at point A, here at point B, point C and point D. Then I got to get to the side entrance of the school by 7:24. The bombs blow at 7:26."
Cano never got the chance to go through with his deadly plan, because a friend tipped off police and he was arrested. In addition to the bomb-making materials at his home, investigators found a manifesto and illustrations detailing his plans.
"We were probably able to thwart a catastrophic event," Tampa Police Chief Jane Castor said.
The newly released cell phone video shows Cano not only intended to kill as many students as possible, but that he specifically targets two teachers who Cano says did him wrong -- as well as sparing one teacher's life.
"[I'll] Come through the door then shoot everybody at the front desk," he said on the video. "Mr. Costanzo's office is right here, I've got to kill him. Mrs. Carmody is here I've got to kill her. Mr. Pears is here, I've got to make sure he doesn't die, because I like him.
At times during his boastful rant Cano smokes marijuana. In the clip he says that he would retrieve a stash of weapons hidden near the school and come back in.
"I'm going to come in and advance on the courtyard where there'll probably be at least sixty people," he said
While he lays out the details of his master plan, Cano also offers a solution to stopping him and others like him.
"If you don't like it," he said, "just find a way to find people like me and just line us up and shoot us."
Prior to his arrest, Cano had an "extensive criminal record," according to police, who confirmed that he had broken into a house and stolen a firearm. The victim of that theft, a convicted felon, did not press charges. Cano had also been charged with the possession of marijuana, carrying a concealed weapon and a taser.
Having been jailed since August 2011, Cano will be sentenced on December 5, after he pled no contest to charges of intending to harm others with a destructive device. His defense attorney has said he plans to call the teen's family as character references, WFTS reported. He has hopes of getting time served.
_______________________________________
The following article,
Shoplift Suspect Dies in Confrontation
is another example how too often the children of a broken family, children
victimized by their parents's divorce, have become shoplifters.
Study the list of 12 life-destroying disasters every child is facing when the parents divorce.
A divorce is NEVER necessary when the marriage was created in the traditional manner as
close to 100 % of all marriages in the USA and other developed countries worldwide are.
See in the list "12 Life-Destroying Disasters Every Child Faces in a Divorce Situation",
# (8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison
The list is below and is repeated in several places in this marriage-family-children related tab
and in other tabs as needed
__________________________
IS YOUR DIVORCE WORTH
YOUR CHILD'S DEATH ?
Any divorce is unnecessary whatever you may think
STAF, Inc. will give
you and your family a new, happy life.
______
Shoplift Suspect Dies in Confrontation
A man suspected of shoplifting two DVD players from a Lithonia, Ga., Walmart, on 11/26/12, died after an altercation with two store employees and a contract security guard, prompting a police investigation.
The man, whose identity has not been released, exited through the front door of the store at 1:30 a.m. today and was confronted in the parking lot, according to DeKalb County police.
When officers arrived at the scene, they found the employees on top of the man, according to a police report obtained by ABC News affiliate WSB-TV. When an officer bent down to handcuff the suspect, he noticed there was no resistance.
At that point, the officer noticed the suspect was bleeding from the nose and mouth, according to the report.
He was transported to DeKalb Medical-Hillandale Hospital, where he was pronounced dead.
"This is truly a sad situation. We don't know all of the facts right now. We're in the process of working with law enforcement to determine all of the facts and cooperating and providing any information we have to assist in the investigation," Dianna Gee, Walmart spokesperson, said in a statement issued to ABC News.
Gee said the contract security guard will no longer be providing services to the retailer. The two store employees have been suspended with pay while Walmart assists police in the investigation.
"Our associates are trained that the safety of our customers and our associates is our first priority," Gee said. "No amount of merchandise is worth someone's life. Associates are trained to disengage from situations that would put themselves or others at risk. That being said, this is still an active investigation and we're working with police to provide any assistance."
This article is for your private use, only
See the list below relating to this above article
___________________________________
12 disasters your child is facing
in a divorce or in a separation
Are you willing to risk your child falling in the disasters listed below ?
Are you willing to risk your child becoming
a sociopath and a criminal monster
Shoplifting is not the most serious crime, however: it often leads to drug
use (or drug use is the reason for shoplifting)
and to more serious crimes, even to murders.
? ? ?
CHILD GROWING UP IN
A SINGLE-PARENT
FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY
WITHOUT A FATHER
(1) Faces overall increased risks to health and welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) seriously increased risk of having a stroke
during his/her life time. For # 12 risk see a detailed article further below
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the disasters listed above
?
See detailed information below
_____________________________________________________________________
Sociopath is what every child experiencing a divorce faces
-
is this what you want to your child ?
Is your divorce and your own lacking true facts about love & life worth so much that you are willing to ruin your own life, your spouse's life and just run away. Running away is NEVER a solution. Correcting the wrong behavior and learning better life skills is the solution. STAF, Inc. will help. STAF, Inc. is the nationwide & worldwide leading organization to guide every American family back to a new, happy life. STAF, Inc. can and will help every family worldwide - all possible with the modern technology.
Sociopath
The information below is a must to study
to prevent divorces and disasters in your family
Important - Important - Important - Important - Important
Study properly for a serious disaster prevention
Study together with your spouse
When both spouses have studied the material below, study the material a 2nd time with all your children
All family members studying together the full material below
will make a real healthy difference for the better of everyone in your family
Used for prevention of failure this study advice is important to apply. It will make a real difference in your family life.
The long article material below is based on the Mayo Clinic Research - This material is important to understand to prevent a failure in your happy marriage, in your successful family life & in your children healthy development
leading to a meaningful adulthood. As a parent you want the best to your family and to your children.
Most parents do not know about these important details. Avoid divorce - that always destroys your children's healthy development. A divorce also always destroys both spouses' future and emotional health leading often to physical sicknesses and shorter life & early death.
Sociopath
Click the multi-colored topic above for further info
Known also as sociopathic personality disorder
A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes
and behavior and a lack of conscience
More info »Wikipedia - Dictionary.com - Answers.com - Merriam-Webster
Click green for further info
Some people may have a sociopathic spouse or a sociopathic child
A sociopath
A person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.
Please: do NOT self- diagnose - let a professional, licenced psychologist or licenced therapist examine.
And then have a second and a third opinion from different specialists without informing any of them that you are planning to see or have seen several specialists. Apply the same principle with any somewhat serious physical diagnosis.
Relevant Questions
Click the green titles below for further info
What Is A Sociopath?
What Are The Treatments ...
How to Deal With a Sociopath...
What Is A Sociopathic Person...
Click the green titles below for further info
Complications By Mayo Clinic staff
Complications and problems of antisocial personality disorder include:
Once again:
Personality is the combination of thoughts, emotions and behaviors that makes everyone unique. It's the way people view, understand and relate to the outside world, as well as how they see themselves. Personality forms during childhood, shaped through an interaction of two factors:
There may be a link between an early lack of empathy — understanding the perspectives and problems of others, including other children — and later onset of antisocial personality disorder. These personality problems may be inherited and identifying them early may help improve long-term outcomes.
Tests and diagnosis By Mayo Clinic staff
When doctors believe someone has antisocial personality disorder, they typically run a series of medical and psychological tests and exams. These can help rule out other problems that could be causing symptoms, pinpoint a diagnosis and also check for any related complications. These exams and tests generally include:
It sometimes can be difficult to determine if symptoms point to antisocial personality disorder or another personality disorder, since some symptoms overlap more than one disorder. A key factor in diagnosing antisocial personality disorder is how the affected person relates to others. Someone with this condition is likely to act out and make other people miserable — while they, themselves, feel no remorse.
Diagnostic criteria
To be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, a person must meet the symptom criteria for that disorder listed in the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" (DSM). This manual is published by the American Psychiatric Association and is used by mental health providers to diagnose mental illnesses and by insurance companies to reimburse for treatment.
Symptom criteria required for a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder include:
Treatments and drugs By Mayo Clinic staff
Antisocial personality disorder is notoriously difficult to treat. People with this disorder may not even want treatment or think they need treatment. But because antisocial personality disorder is essentially a way of being, rather than a curable condition, affected people are likely to need close, long-term care and follow-up.
People with antisocial personality disorder may also need treatment for other conditions, such as depression, anxiety or thyroid disorders. Medical and mental health providers with experience treating antisocial personality disorder and commonly associated conditions are most likely to be helpful.
Those involved in treatment may include:
Several treatments are available for antisocial personality disorder. They include:
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy is the main way to treat antisocial personality disorder. Psychotherapy is a general term for the process of treating a condition by talking about it with a mental health provider.
Types of psychotherapy used to treat antisocial personality disorder may include:
Skills for family members
If you have a loved one with antisocial personality disorder, it's critical that you also get help for yourself. Mental health professionals with experience managing this condition can help teach you skills to protect yourself from the aggression, violence and anger common to antisocial personality disorder. They can also recommend strategies for coping. Ask the people on your loved one's treatment team for a referral. They may also be able to recommend support groups for families and friends affected by antisocial personality disorder.
Medications
There are no medications specifically approved by the Food and Drug Administration to treat antisocial personality disorder. However, several types of psychiatric medications may help with certain conditions sometimes associated with antisocial personality disorder:
In some cases, antisocial personality disorder symptoms may be so severe that psychiatric hospitalization is required. Psychiatric hospitalization is generally recommended only when people aren't able to care for themselves properly or are in immediate danger of harming themselves or someone else. Psychiatric hospitalization options include 24-hour inpatient care, partial or day hospitalization, or residential treatment, which offers a supportive place to live.
Prevention By Mayo Clinic staff
There's no sure way to prevent antisocial personality disorder from developing in those at risk. Trying to identify those most at risk, such as children living with neglect or abuse, and offering early intervention may help. Getting appropriate treatment early, and sticking with it for the long term, may prevent symptoms from worsening.
Because antisocial behavior is thought to have its roots in childhood, parents, teachers and pediatricians may be able to spot early warning signs. While diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder generally isn't done before age 18, children at risk may have symptoms of conduct disorder, especially behavior that involves violence or aggression toward others, such as:
Treatments and drugs
-
is this what you want to your child ?
Is your divorce and your own lacking true facts about love & life worth so much that you are willing to ruin your own life, your spouse's life and just run away. Running away is NEVER a solution. Correcting the wrong behavior and learning better life skills is the solution. STAF, Inc. will help. STAF, Inc. is the nationwide & worldwide leading organization to guide every American family back to a new, happy life. STAF, Inc. can and will help every family worldwide - all possible with the modern technology.
Sociopath
The information below is a must to study
to prevent divorces and disasters in your family
Important - Important - Important - Important - Important
Study properly for a serious disaster prevention
Study together with your spouse
When both spouses have studied the material below, study the material a 2nd time with all your children
All family members studying together the full material below
will make a real healthy difference for the better of everyone in your family
Used for prevention of failure this study advice is important to apply. It will make a real difference in your family life.
The long article material below is based on the Mayo Clinic Research - This material is important to understand to prevent a failure in your happy marriage, in your successful family life & in your children healthy development
leading to a meaningful adulthood. As a parent you want the best to your family and to your children.
Most parents do not know about these important details. Avoid divorce - that always destroys your children's healthy development. A divorce also always destroys both spouses' future and emotional health leading often to physical sicknesses and shorter life & early death.
Sociopath
Click the multi-colored topic above for further info
Known also as sociopathic personality disorder
A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes
and behavior and a lack of conscience
More info »Wikipedia - Dictionary.com - Answers.com - Merriam-Webster
Click green for further info
Some people may have a sociopathic spouse or a sociopathic child
A sociopath
A person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience.
Please: do NOT self- diagnose - let a professional, licenced psychologist or licenced therapist examine.
And then have a second and a third opinion from different specialists without informing any of them that you are planning to see or have seen several specialists. Apply the same principle with any somewhat serious physical diagnosis.
Relevant Questions
Click the green titles below for further info
What Is A Sociopath?
What Are The Treatments ...
How to Deal With a Sociopath...
What Is A Sociopathic Person...
Click the green titles below for further info
- Profile of the Sociopath www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html
Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of ... - Sociopath | Define Sociopath at Dictionary.com dictionary.reference.com/browse/sociopath
Sociopath definition at Dictionary.com, a free online dictionary with pronunciation, synonyms and translation. Look it up now! - Urban Dictionary: Sociopath www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Sociopath
A person with antisocial personality disorder. Probably the most widely recognized personality disorder. A sociopath is often well liked because of... - sociopath definition www.9types.com/wwwboard/messages/18332.html
May 24, 2000 – A closer fit...draw your own conclusions folks. Antisocial Personality Disorder is also known as psychopathy or sociopathy. Individuals with this ... - Antisocial personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorder
2.1 Psychopathy and sociopathy; 2.2 Theodore Millon's subtypes; 2.3 Comorbidity ...tenth edition (ICD-10), defines a conceptually similar disorder to antisocial ...
Diagnosis - Further diagnostic considerations - Causes and pathophysiology - Other - Sociopath Test | Sociopath Definition www.vodahost.com/web-hosting-sociopath-test-sociopath-definition....
Oct 10, 2011 – Are you or someone you know a Sociopath? Take our sociopath test and find out the sociopath definition and sociopath traits. - The Definition of a Sociopath | eHow.com www.ehow.com › Mental Health
The Definition of a Sociopath. Sociopaths have little regard for the feelings of others and manipulate others in order to get what they desire. The term "sociopath" ... - Define: Sociopath What Is A Psychopath? www.rexxfield.com/define-sociopath-what-is-a-psychopath.php
Define:Sociopath - What Is A Psychopath? What is anti-social personality disorder. Why do you need to recognize them? - Antisocial personality disorder - MayoClinic.com www.mayoclinic.com/health/antisocial-personality.../DS00829
Oct 8, 2010 – Antisocial personality disorder is sometimes known as sociopathic ... Asociopath is a particularly severe form of antisocial personality disorder. - What defines a sociopath personality wiki.answers.com › ... › Mental Health › Sociopathy (Psychopathy)
Antisocial personality disorder, also known as sociopathic personality is defined as a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others and ... ____________________________________________ - Definition - Sociopath - By Mayo Clinic staff Antisocial personality disorder - MayoClinic.com Antisocial personality disorder is a type of chronic mental illness in which a person's ways of thinking, perceiving situations and relating to others are abnormal — and destructive.People with antisocial personality disorder typically have no regard for right and wrong. They may often violate the law and the rights of others, landing in frequent trouble or conflict. They may lie, behave violently, and have drug and alcohol problems. And people with antisocial personality disorder may not be able to fulfill responsibilities to family, work or school.
- Antisocial personality disorder is sometimes known as sociopathic personality disorder. A sociopath is a particularly severe form of antisocial personality disorder Symptoms
- Antisocial personality disorder symptoms may include:
- Disregard for right and wrong
- Persistent lying or deceit
- Using charm or wit to manipulate others
- Recurring difficulties with the law
- Repeatedly violating the rights of others
- Child abuse or neglect
- Intimidation of others
- Aggressive or violent behavior
- Lack of remorse about harming others
- Impulsive behavior
- Agitation
- Poor or abusive relationships
- Irresponsible work behavior
If a loved one has antisocial personality disorder
It's unlikely you'll be able to convince a person with antisocial personality disorder that he or she has a problem — much less convince him or her to seek care. Make your own well-being your priority. Ask your doctor to refer you to a mental health provider who has experience helping families affected by antisocial personality disorder. A therapist familiar with this condition can help you learn how to cope — and stay safe. - CAUSES Personality is the combination of thoughts, emotions and behaviors that makes everyone unique. It's the way people view, understand and relate to the outside world, as well as how they see themselves. Personality forms during childhood, shaped through an interaction of two factors:
- Inherited tendencies, or genes. These are aspects of a person's personality passed on by parents, such as shyness or having a happy outlook. This is sometimes called temperament. It's the "nature" part of the nature vs. nurture debate.
- Environment, or life situations. This is the surroundings a person grows up in, events that occurred, and relationships with family members and others. It includes such things as the type of parenting a person experienced, whether loving or abusive. This is the "nurture" part of the nature vs. nurture debate.
There may be a link between an early lack of empathy — understanding the perspectives and problems of others, including other children — and later onset of antisocial personality disorder. These personality problems may be inherited and identifying them early may help improve long-term outcomes.
Risk factors Symptoms Mayo Clinic
- Being diagnosed with childhood conduct disorder
- A family history of antisocial personality disorder or other personality disorders or mental illness
- Being subjected to verbal, physical or sexual abuse during childhood
- Having an unstable or chaotic family life during childhood
- Loss of parents through death or traumatic divorce during childhood
Complications By Mayo Clinic staff
Complications and problems of antisocial personality disorder include:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Aggression or violence
- Suicidal behavior
- Reckless behavior
- Risky sexual behavior
- Child abuse
- Alcohol or substance abuse
- Gambling problems
- Incarceration
- Relationship difficulties
- Social isolation
- School and work problems
- Strained relationships with health care providers
- Tests and diagnosis Risk factors (click green)
Once again:
Personality is the combination of thoughts, emotions and behaviors that makes everyone unique. It's the way people view, understand and relate to the outside world, as well as how they see themselves. Personality forms during childhood, shaped through an interaction of two factors:
- Inherited tendencies, or genes. These are aspects of a person's personality passed on by parents, such as shyness or having a happy outlook. This is sometimes called temperament. It's the "nature" part of the nature vs. nurture debate.
- Environment, or life situations. This is the surroundings a person grows up in, events that occurred, and relationships with family members and others. Divorces. Domestic Violence. Parental drug & alcohol use, smoking. Constant fights & yelling in the family. It includes such things as the type of parenting a person experienced, whether loving or abusive. This is the "nurture" part of the nature vs. nurture debate.
There may be a link between an early lack of empathy — understanding the perspectives and problems of others, including other children — and later onset of antisocial personality disorder. These personality problems may be inherited and identifying them early may help improve long-term outcomes.
Tests and diagnosis By Mayo Clinic staff
When doctors believe someone has antisocial personality disorder, they typically run a series of medical and psychological tests and exams. These can help rule out other problems that could be causing symptoms, pinpoint a diagnosis and also check for any related complications. These exams and tests generally include:
- Physical exam. This may include measuring height and weight; checking vital signs, such as heart rate, blood pressure and temperature; listening to the heart and lungs; and examining the abdomen.
- Laboratory tests. These may include a complete blood count (CBC), screening for alcohol and drugs, and a thyroid function check.
- Psychological evaluation. A doctor or mental health provider asks about thoughts, feelings, relationships and behavior patterns. He or she asks about symptoms, including when they started, how severe they are, how they affect daily life and whether similar episodes have occurred in the past. They will also ask about thoughts of suicide, self-injury or harming others.
It sometimes can be difficult to determine if symptoms point to antisocial personality disorder or another personality disorder, since some symptoms overlap more than one disorder. A key factor in diagnosing antisocial personality disorder is how the affected person relates to others. Someone with this condition is likely to act out and make other people miserable — while they, themselves, feel no remorse.
Diagnostic criteria
To be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder, a person must meet the symptom criteria for that disorder listed in the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" (DSM). This manual is published by the American Psychiatric Association and is used by mental health providers to diagnose mental illnesses and by insurance companies to reimburse for treatment.
Symptom criteria required for a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder include:
- Being at least 18 years old
- Having had symptoms of conduct disorder before age 15, which may include such acts as stealing, vandalism, violence, cruelty to animals and bullying
- Repeatedly breaking the law
- Repeatedly conning or lying to others
- Being irritable and aggressive, repeatedly engaging in physical fights or assaults
- Feeling no remorse — or justifying behavior — after harming others
- Having no regard for the safety of yourself or others
- Acting impulsively and not planning ahead
Treatments and drugs By Mayo Clinic staff
Antisocial personality disorder is notoriously difficult to treat. People with this disorder may not even want treatment or think they need treatment. But because antisocial personality disorder is essentially a way of being, rather than a curable condition, affected people are likely to need close, long-term care and follow-up.
People with antisocial personality disorder may also need treatment for other conditions, such as depression, anxiety or thyroid disorders. Medical and mental health providers with experience treating antisocial personality disorder and commonly associated conditions are most likely to be helpful.
Those involved in treatment may include:
- A family or primary care doctor
- A psychiatrist
- A psychotherapist
- A pharmacist
- Family members
- Social workers
Several treatments are available for antisocial personality disorder. They include:
- Psychotherapy
- Stress and anger management skills
- Medications
- Hospitalization
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy is the main way to treat antisocial personality disorder. Psychotherapy is a general term for the process of treating a condition by talking about it with a mental health provider.
Types of psychotherapy used to treat antisocial personality disorder may include:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy. This type of therapy helps to uncover unhealthy, negative beliefs and behaviors and replace them with healthy, positive ones.
- Psychodynamic psychotherapy. This approach aims to raise awareness of unconscious thoughts and behaviors and — by bringing them to light — change their negative impact.
- Psychoeducation. This education-based therapy teaches about all aspects of a condition, including treatments, coping strategies and problem-solving skills.
Skills for family members
If you have a loved one with antisocial personality disorder, it's critical that you also get help for yourself. Mental health professionals with experience managing this condition can help teach you skills to protect yourself from the aggression, violence and anger common to antisocial personality disorder. They can also recommend strategies for coping. Ask the people on your loved one's treatment team for a referral. They may also be able to recommend support groups for families and friends affected by antisocial personality disorder.
Medications
There are no medications specifically approved by the Food and Drug Administration to treat antisocial personality disorder. However, several types of psychiatric medications may help with certain conditions sometimes associated with antisocial personality disorder:
- Antidepressant medications. Antidepressants may help improve depressed mood, anger, impulsivity, irritability or hopelessness.
- Mood-stabilizing medications. As their name suggests, mood stabilizers can help even out mood swings or reduce irritability, impulsivity and aggression.
- Anti-anxiety medications. These may help with anxiety, agitation or insomnia. But in some cases, they can increase impulsive behavior.
- Antipsychotic medications. Also called neuroleptics, these may be helpful if symptoms include losing touch with reality (psychosis) or, in some cases, anxiety or anger problems are present.
In some cases, antisocial personality disorder symptoms may be so severe that psychiatric hospitalization is required. Psychiatric hospitalization is generally recommended only when people aren't able to care for themselves properly or are in immediate danger of harming themselves or someone else. Psychiatric hospitalization options include 24-hour inpatient care, partial or day hospitalization, or residential treatment, which offers a supportive place to live.
Prevention By Mayo Clinic staff
There's no sure way to prevent antisocial personality disorder from developing in those at risk. Trying to identify those most at risk, such as children living with neglect or abuse, and offering early intervention may help. Getting appropriate treatment early, and sticking with it for the long term, may prevent symptoms from worsening.
Because antisocial behavior is thought to have its roots in childhood, parents, teachers and pediatricians may be able to spot early warning signs. While diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder generally isn't done before age 18, children at risk may have symptoms of conduct disorder, especially behavior that involves violence or aggression toward others, such as:
- Stealing during confrontations, such as a mugging
- Cruelty to people and animals
- Fire-starting
- Use of weapons
- Sexual assault
- Repeated lying
Treatments and drugs
- Mayo Clinic products and services
- Book: Mayo Clinic Family Health Book, 4th Edition ________________________________________________________________________________
This article below "21-Years: ...." is for inspiration - a good idea
Perhaps other parents want to do a similar video - a great inspiration
21-Years: Ian McLeod, Dad, Makes Time Lapse Video
from Son's Portraits Taken Every Day
Click green fro further info
The video sequence opens gradually—frame after frame captures a tiny baby from the first day he entered the world at
Harrogate General Hospital in Yorkshire, England. Then it races forward and literally becomes a life flashing before our eyes through pictures that Ian McCleod took of his son, Cory, essentially every day of his 21 years. He compiled the more than 7,500 images into a six-minute time-lapse sequence he posted on YouTube in late September. Cory's life, from birth to becoming a young man, has now been witnessed by more than 800,000 people around the world, and received 300,000 hits on one day alone in Japan.
Photo Gallery: Artist Makes Uncanny Fingerprint Portraits
McLeod tells the Yorkshire Post the project started as a "daft" idea conceived over a couple of drinks. "I was thinking I could do it for one or two years at most…But then you get to the point where you wonder if you'll regret it if you stop." He says it became like brushing his teeth.
Related: Vietnam Diary Gives Son Glimpse of Father
Cory McLeod admits he didn't always love it when his dad tracked him down for their daily snap. "My dad has had to drive to a friend's house before. I got a bit of a stick [teased] for that," he told the Post. Eventually he came to see the project's significance. "I used to find it awkward, I didn't realize the value of it. It was only when I got to 16 or 17 that I started to appreciate it and realized what it could be." Even though he's now away from home studying at Leeds Metropolitan University, he says he plans on continuing to collaborate with his dad. "When do you stop? I don't think I can. We've come this far, we may as well carry on."
Video: Dog Saves Newborn Baby
Although a few days are missing here and there (Ian McLeod slots in a sketch instead of inserting a photo from the wrong day to maintain the integrity of the concept) and a month was lost when the camera wouldn't wind, the chronicle is remarkably complete. McLeod started scanning the images a year ago—his son was born before the days of digital cameras—and he says it took him three months to digitize them all. "It's never been straightforward," he says. "We weren't organized. It's always been chaotic." For those of us whose photo albums contain gaps of more than a year, "21 Years" seems magnificently pulled together.
Click green fro further info
This article is for your private use, only
_______________________________________________
! ! !
FDA Study
Baby Deaths Linked to Infant Formula Additive
One full-term and 21 premature infants developed inflamed intestines as a result of the additive, regulators claim
Save The American Family, STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit- says: there are thousands more in the U.S. and worldwide.
Every human being has to eat natural food, not chemicalized poison that kills in any age.
All process food is dangerous to eat - fast food has a better name: BAD "food"
Quotation: "If it came from a plant, eat it, if it was made in a plant, do not eat it "
The quotation fits for the babies and adults, and for every age group of human beings.
____________
Click the green for further information
FDA= U.S. Food & Drug Administration
U S Food and Drug Administration Home Page
www.fda.gov/
Home Page for the Food and Drug Administration (FDA)
Seven babies died after being fed an additive used to help thicken infant formula or breast milk, U.S. regulators said.
The deaths were among 21 premature infants and one born full-term that developed inflamed intestines after they were given SimplyThick, the Food and Drug Administration said in a consumer update today. The product is a thickening gel designed to help premature babies swallow food and keep it down, said Benson Silverman, director of FDA’s Infant Formula and Medical Foods Staff.
The agency first warned in May 2011 against feeding SimplyThick to premature babies because it may cause a tissue inflammation known as necrotizing enterocolitis. The FDA is expanding the warning today to infants of all ages. Further study is needed to determine if a link between SimplyThick and the condition exists, FDA said.
The product, made by the company SimplyThick LLC of St. Louis, is available to consumers and at medical centers, according to the FDA. It is sold in individual serving packets and in 64-ounce dispenser bottles, which can be purchased from distributors and pharmacies. A phone message left at SimplyThick wasn’t returned.
Older children and adults use the product to help with swallowing problems caused by trauma to the throat, Silverman said in the update.
________________________________________________
FDA Study
Baby Deaths Linked to Infant Formula Additive
One full-term and 21 premature infants developed inflamed intestines as a result of the additive, regulators claim
Save The American Family, STAF, Inc., -not-for-profit- says: there are thousands more in the U.S. and worldwide.
Every human being has to eat natural food, not chemicalized poison that kills in any age.
All process food is dangerous to eat - fast food has a better name: BAD "food"
Quotation: "If it came from a plant, eat it, if it was made in a plant, do not eat it "
The quotation fits for the babies and adults, and for every age group of human beings.
____________
Click the green for further information
FDA= U.S. Food & Drug Administration
U S Food and Drug Administration Home Page
www.fda.gov/
Home Page for the Food and Drug Administration (FDA)
Seven babies died after being fed an additive used to help thicken infant formula or breast milk, U.S. regulators said.
The deaths were among 21 premature infants and one born full-term that developed inflamed intestines after they were given SimplyThick, the Food and Drug Administration said in a consumer update today. The product is a thickening gel designed to help premature babies swallow food and keep it down, said Benson Silverman, director of FDA’s Infant Formula and Medical Foods Staff.
The agency first warned in May 2011 against feeding SimplyThick to premature babies because it may cause a tissue inflammation known as necrotizing enterocolitis. The FDA is expanding the warning today to infants of all ages. Further study is needed to determine if a link between SimplyThick and the condition exists, FDA said.
The product, made by the company SimplyThick LLC of St. Louis, is available to consumers and at medical centers, according to the FDA. It is sold in individual serving packets and in 64-ounce dispenser bottles, which can be purchased from distributors and pharmacies. A phone message left at SimplyThick wasn’t returned.
Older children and adults use the product to help with swallowing problems caused by trauma to the throat, Silverman said in the update.
________________________________________________
Botox for Babies & Adults of All Ages
Doctors find it has "amazing medical uses" for newborns with certain birth defects
Doctors find it has "amazing medical uses" for newborns with certain birth defects. Helps older kids, too
Brad Gandy has been getting the injections since he was 3 years old to make him more comfortable in his wheelchair.
(click: reports Wate.com) "It has been the very best thing for us," says his mom, Sandra. "His legs would be extremely
tight, and then after he would have the shot, after about two or three weeks, then they were much more relaxed."
Click green for further info
A highly poisonous neurotoxin with amazing medical benefits, Botox is also helping save the lives of newborns with certain birth defects, sparing tiny patients risky surgery.
Botox is revolutionizing the care of kids with cerebral palsy and adults with certain complications of stroke, spinal cord injury, or brain trauma. While Botox doesn’t cure these disorders, it can deliver remarkably effective short-term symptomatic relief, experts report.
“It’s just like with many other medications that are actually poisons – it’s how we use them and where we use them that make the difference,” Dr. William Klava of Sanford Medical Center in Fargo, ND told Inforum.com. Dr. Klava has given Botox injections to babies as young as two months—and adults as old as 90—to combat such cerebral palsy symptoms as spastic movements and rigid muscles.
Botulinum toxin, better known as Botox, is a protein produced by the bacterium that’s the culprit in often fatal food poisoning called botulism. It causes muscle paralysis by blocking a neurotransmitter, acetylcholine, that signals muscles to move. Here’s a look at the latest wrinkles in treating serious medical conditions.
Dangerous Cosmetics Ingredients to Watch Out For
A Poison That Helps Babies Breathe
One of Botox’s most amazing medical uses is treating babies with CHARGE syndrome, a rare cluster of potentially life-threatening birth defects that can affect the heart, nerves, and other organs. The syndrome also causes overactive salivary glands, leading to fluid buildup in the lungs that leaves babies unable to breath on their own.
Typically, this problem is treated with tracheotomy surgery, putting babies at risk for a wide range of complications. In a world-first experimental treatment, doctors injecting tiny amounts of Botox into a two-month-old baby’s salivary glands to reduce secretions, a procedure described in Archives of Otolaryngology—Head and Neck Surgery in 2008.
The injections were repeated every four to six months for a year and a half, until the little boy’s overactive glands shrank and stopped producing excessive saliva. Botox has proved so effective at treating CHARGE syndrome symptoms that specialists at Montreal Children’s Hospital have now given more than 1,000 shots to little kids, including 12 newborns, and report no major side effects from the treatment.
Reducing Kids’ Cerebral Palsy Symptoms
Brad Gandy has been getting the injections since he was 3 years old to make him more comfortable in his wheelchair, reports Wate.com. "It has been the very best thing for us," says his mom, Sandra. "His legs would be extremely tight, and then after he would have the shot, after about two or three weeks, then they were much more relaxed."
According to Dr. Klava, Botox can be used in almost any muscle, and reduces jerky movements of the arms and legs, and sudden contractions and stiffness of muscles in kids and adults with CP. The results usually last four to six months.
Strokes and Spinal Cord Injuries
It may seem counterintuitive to use a neurotoxin that paralyzes muscles to treat people who are already disabled by strokes, spinal cord injuries, or traumatic brain injuries. Yet doctors at Emory University and other centers report that Botox can have surprising benefits, particularly for spastic paralysis—stiffness and lack of movement resulting from injuries to the spine or brain—or spasticity.
About a million Americans are affected by chronic spasticity. Stroke is the most common cause; others include a spinal cord or brain injury, multiple sclerosis, or CP. Botox injections help loosen the affected muscles, John Lin, M.D., assistant professor of physical and rehabilitation medicine, Emory University School of Medicine reported in a news statement.
"Day after day, we see how well these injections are working for spasticity control," says Dr. Lin. "Because patients can regain mobility and use of their limbs following an injury or set-back, the injections give an aspect of independence to the patient, as well as comfort and care."
Other Surprising Uses of Botox
More than 5 million Americans get Botox injections each year. Along with fighting forehead furrows, the neurotoxin is also FDA approved for crossed eyes, excessive sweating, and migraine headaches, along with a movement disorder called cervical dystonia, reports Dr. Peter Fodor, clinical professor of plastic surgery at UCLA.
Another medical and cosmetic use is treating bruxism (teeth grinding). “Many people don’t know that grinding your teeth can actually change the shape of your face—causing your jaw to be more square and giving you an older look,” says Dr. Fodor. Botox injections both alleviate grinding that wears down teeth and also loosens jaw muscles, giving the face a more youthful, oval appearance.
Creative Ways to Burn Calories
Click green for further info
This article is for your private use, only
______________________________________
Doctors find it has "amazing medical uses" for newborns with certain birth defects
Doctors find it has "amazing medical uses" for newborns with certain birth defects. Helps older kids, too
Brad Gandy has been getting the injections since he was 3 years old to make him more comfortable in his wheelchair.
(click: reports Wate.com) "It has been the very best thing for us," says his mom, Sandra. "His legs would be extremely
tight, and then after he would have the shot, after about two or three weeks, then they were much more relaxed."
Click green for further info
A highly poisonous neurotoxin with amazing medical benefits, Botox is also helping save the lives of newborns with certain birth defects, sparing tiny patients risky surgery.
Botox is revolutionizing the care of kids with cerebral palsy and adults with certain complications of stroke, spinal cord injury, or brain trauma. While Botox doesn’t cure these disorders, it can deliver remarkably effective short-term symptomatic relief, experts report.
“It’s just like with many other medications that are actually poisons – it’s how we use them and where we use them that make the difference,” Dr. William Klava of Sanford Medical Center in Fargo, ND told Inforum.com. Dr. Klava has given Botox injections to babies as young as two months—and adults as old as 90—to combat such cerebral palsy symptoms as spastic movements and rigid muscles.
Botulinum toxin, better known as Botox, is a protein produced by the bacterium that’s the culprit in often fatal food poisoning called botulism. It causes muscle paralysis by blocking a neurotransmitter, acetylcholine, that signals muscles to move. Here’s a look at the latest wrinkles in treating serious medical conditions.
Dangerous Cosmetics Ingredients to Watch Out For
A Poison That Helps Babies Breathe
One of Botox’s most amazing medical uses is treating babies with CHARGE syndrome, a rare cluster of potentially life-threatening birth defects that can affect the heart, nerves, and other organs. The syndrome also causes overactive salivary glands, leading to fluid buildup in the lungs that leaves babies unable to breath on their own.
Typically, this problem is treated with tracheotomy surgery, putting babies at risk for a wide range of complications. In a world-first experimental treatment, doctors injecting tiny amounts of Botox into a two-month-old baby’s salivary glands to reduce secretions, a procedure described in Archives of Otolaryngology—Head and Neck Surgery in 2008.
The injections were repeated every four to six months for a year and a half, until the little boy’s overactive glands shrank and stopped producing excessive saliva. Botox has proved so effective at treating CHARGE syndrome symptoms that specialists at Montreal Children’s Hospital have now given more than 1,000 shots to little kids, including 12 newborns, and report no major side effects from the treatment.
Reducing Kids’ Cerebral Palsy Symptoms
Brad Gandy has been getting the injections since he was 3 years old to make him more comfortable in his wheelchair, reports Wate.com. "It has been the very best thing for us," says his mom, Sandra. "His legs would be extremely tight, and then after he would have the shot, after about two or three weeks, then they were much more relaxed."
According to Dr. Klava, Botox can be used in almost any muscle, and reduces jerky movements of the arms and legs, and sudden contractions and stiffness of muscles in kids and adults with CP. The results usually last four to six months.
Strokes and Spinal Cord Injuries
It may seem counterintuitive to use a neurotoxin that paralyzes muscles to treat people who are already disabled by strokes, spinal cord injuries, or traumatic brain injuries. Yet doctors at Emory University and other centers report that Botox can have surprising benefits, particularly for spastic paralysis—stiffness and lack of movement resulting from injuries to the spine or brain—or spasticity.
About a million Americans are affected by chronic spasticity. Stroke is the most common cause; others include a spinal cord or brain injury, multiple sclerosis, or CP. Botox injections help loosen the affected muscles, John Lin, M.D., assistant professor of physical and rehabilitation medicine, Emory University School of Medicine reported in a news statement.
"Day after day, we see how well these injections are working for spasticity control," says Dr. Lin. "Because patients can regain mobility and use of their limbs following an injury or set-back, the injections give an aspect of independence to the patient, as well as comfort and care."
Other Surprising Uses of Botox
More than 5 million Americans get Botox injections each year. Along with fighting forehead furrows, the neurotoxin is also FDA approved for crossed eyes, excessive sweating, and migraine headaches, along with a movement disorder called cervical dystonia, reports Dr. Peter Fodor, clinical professor of plastic surgery at UCLA.
Another medical and cosmetic use is treating bruxism (teeth grinding). “Many people don’t know that grinding your teeth can actually change the shape of your face—causing your jaw to be more square and giving you an older look,” says Dr. Fodor. Botox injections both alleviate grinding that wears down teeth and also loosens jaw muscles, giving the face a more youthful, oval appearance.
Creative Ways to Burn Calories
Click green for further info
This article is for your private use, only
______________________________________
Are Gel Manicures Dangerous?
YES - they can be - below advice how to avoid the danger - study well & apply
If you're a polish addict, gel manicures seem like nail nirvana. What's not to love? The ultra-quick-drying polish lasts for weeks without chipping, losing its sheen, or dulling out. The color options are still a bit basic, but no matter-if you're in the market for a long-lasting manicure, gels are the way to go. "
Gel polishes paint on like traditional nail lacquer, but they have a chemical composition that enables them to immediately harden to a glossy finish when cured under a UV light," says Dr. Dana Stern, a NYC-based dermatologist specializing in nail disorders. "You won't need to sit and dry your nails-plus the finish lasts up to three weeks."
MORE: Non-Toxic Nail Polish Guide
Sounds like a dream-except, its not. The issue? These pretty little manis can cause serious damage. "The UV light that cures the product is in the same spectrum that contributes to photo-aging," says Dr. Stern. "They're essentially little tanning beds." The threat of dark sunspots on your hands (and possibly skin cancer, with prolonged, repetitive exposure) is off-putting enough-but the most immediate damage comes from the way gel polish is removed; by soaking it off with acetone for a minimum of ten minutes (far longer than the time needed for traditional polish). "This can cause massive damage to the nail and cuticle. Beyond causing nails to weaken, split and sometimes lift, it can cause an eczema-like rash."
On top of the acetone removal, some salon technicians also scrape off the gels with a file, stick or sander, which can be ruinous to nails. Especially if you take matters into your own hands. "The worst damage is when the polish begins to chip and women are traveling or unable to get to a salon-and they peel or file off the gels, themselves," says Jane Park, CEO and founder of Julep Nail. "This often takes the top layer of the nail plate off with the polish. The nail then becomes dull, frayed and susceptible to water damage." All of this trauma can cause permanent damage to the nail plate-which is a pain, since it can take months to grow out a healthy new plate. "Plus, polish chips off faster on weak, thin nails, so it can become a vicious cycle," says Park. "Because of the disastrous side effects, I've had women say they feel 'trapped' in their gels!"
GALLERY: 10 Nail Trends Worth a Sweep
Scary. But you don't have to take the nail damage lying down. When its time to remove the gels, ask your technician to wrap nails in acetone-soaked cotton, and then cover with foil-this method requires less soaking time. If you're already carting around ten tiny gel mani victims, nurse nails back to health by massaging cuticles with a hydrating cream (get the most bang for your buck with a multitasking body moisturizer that doubles as a cuticle hydrator, like Carol's Daughter Body Jelly, $12), and applying a therapy base coat with vitamin E (like Scotch Naturals Base Coat, $15) to help fill ridges and protect brittle nails.
Our advice - avoid damage this way: Take a break from traditional gel manicures altogether. Instead, spring for one of the new polish options that offer comparable glossy, long-lasting results, like Julep Freedom Polymer Top Coat. Launching in November (julep.com), this polish provides similar gel-like shine and durability, but it's cured through natural light. Excellent, plus it can be removed using acetone-free nail polish remover (our fave is Scotch Naturals Soy Polish Remover, $12). Hark!
More From You Beauty:
Pumpkin Mousse: Recipe for Glowing Skin!
Lipstick Quiz: Find The Best Shade For Your Skintone
Eat These Foods for a Better Night's Sleep
____________________________________________
YES - they can be - below advice how to avoid the danger - study well & apply
If you're a polish addict, gel manicures seem like nail nirvana. What's not to love? The ultra-quick-drying polish lasts for weeks without chipping, losing its sheen, or dulling out. The color options are still a bit basic, but no matter-if you're in the market for a long-lasting manicure, gels are the way to go. "
Gel polishes paint on like traditional nail lacquer, but they have a chemical composition that enables them to immediately harden to a glossy finish when cured under a UV light," says Dr. Dana Stern, a NYC-based dermatologist specializing in nail disorders. "You won't need to sit and dry your nails-plus the finish lasts up to three weeks."
MORE: Non-Toxic Nail Polish Guide
Sounds like a dream-except, its not. The issue? These pretty little manis can cause serious damage. "The UV light that cures the product is in the same spectrum that contributes to photo-aging," says Dr. Stern. "They're essentially little tanning beds." The threat of dark sunspots on your hands (and possibly skin cancer, with prolonged, repetitive exposure) is off-putting enough-but the most immediate damage comes from the way gel polish is removed; by soaking it off with acetone for a minimum of ten minutes (far longer than the time needed for traditional polish). "This can cause massive damage to the nail and cuticle. Beyond causing nails to weaken, split and sometimes lift, it can cause an eczema-like rash."
On top of the acetone removal, some salon technicians also scrape off the gels with a file, stick or sander, which can be ruinous to nails. Especially if you take matters into your own hands. "The worst damage is when the polish begins to chip and women are traveling or unable to get to a salon-and they peel or file off the gels, themselves," says Jane Park, CEO and founder of Julep Nail. "This often takes the top layer of the nail plate off with the polish. The nail then becomes dull, frayed and susceptible to water damage." All of this trauma can cause permanent damage to the nail plate-which is a pain, since it can take months to grow out a healthy new plate. "Plus, polish chips off faster on weak, thin nails, so it can become a vicious cycle," says Park. "Because of the disastrous side effects, I've had women say they feel 'trapped' in their gels!"
GALLERY: 10 Nail Trends Worth a Sweep
Scary. But you don't have to take the nail damage lying down. When its time to remove the gels, ask your technician to wrap nails in acetone-soaked cotton, and then cover with foil-this method requires less soaking time. If you're already carting around ten tiny gel mani victims, nurse nails back to health by massaging cuticles with a hydrating cream (get the most bang for your buck with a multitasking body moisturizer that doubles as a cuticle hydrator, like Carol's Daughter Body Jelly, $12), and applying a therapy base coat with vitamin E (like Scotch Naturals Base Coat, $15) to help fill ridges and protect brittle nails.
Our advice - avoid damage this way: Take a break from traditional gel manicures altogether. Instead, spring for one of the new polish options that offer comparable glossy, long-lasting results, like Julep Freedom Polymer Top Coat. Launching in November (julep.com), this polish provides similar gel-like shine and durability, but it's cured through natural light. Excellent, plus it can be removed using acetone-free nail polish remover (our fave is Scotch Naturals Soy Polish Remover, $12). Hark!
More From You Beauty:
Pumpkin Mousse: Recipe for Glowing Skin!
Lipstick Quiz: Find The Best Shade For Your Skintone
Eat These Foods for a Better Night's Sleep
____________________________________________
Never ever hit a child,
not your own, not someone else's child
Never hit an adult either
except, perhaps, in a self-defence
Best: walk safely away
Call 911 if possible
Stay calm - do not respond to anger
This following article shows how wrong action can be taken, when the rational
reasoning brain is shut down by impatience and anger.
Impatience always takes a person to
a wrong road where suffering stars
______________
NJ mom denies hitting boy she says bullied girl
TOMS RIVER, N.J. (AP) — A New Jersey woman who says her 9-year-old daughter was bullied took matters into her own hands and confronted one of the students she says harassed the girl. Now, the mother is facing assault charges, even though she denied touching or hitting anyone.
Rebecca Sardoni and her mother boarded a school bus Friday morning bound for East Dover Elementary School, looking for a boy they claimed had been bullying her daughter on the bus.
From that point, there are conflicting versions of what happened next.
Several students on the bus said Rebecca Sardoni then cursed at the boy and slapped him and a boy seated next to him while her mother yelled at the two boys, Toms River Police Chief Michael G. Mastronardy told The Asbury Park Press.
Rebecca Sardoni, 28, of Toms River, and her mother, 51-year-old Stephanie Sardoni, of Beachwood, were arrested Friday and released on summonses. Rebecca Sardoni is charged with simple assault,criminal trespass and making terroristic threats. Stephanie Sardoni is charged with criminal trespass.
Rebecca Sardoni told The Associated Press on Sunday that she regretted boarding the bus, but she denied touching or hitting anyone.
"I was upset. I wasn't crazy woman upset," she said. "I don't put my hands on my own kids. I would have never put my hands on anyone's kid."
Sardoni said her daughter is upset and nervous about going to school Monday. She said she's considering sending her daughter to a new school but knows for sure that the girl won't be taking the bus anymore.
"It's crazy that this got blown into me doing something wrong — me and my family — when this is my daughter that is the victim," Sardoni told the AP.
Sardoni said she took matters into her own hands after school officials ignored complaints that her daughter, who is also in fourth-grade, had been verbally and physically bullied by four students. She said her mother merely stood at the front of the bus with the driver.
School officials couldn't be reached Sunday by the AP.
The boys were treated by nurses from Toms River Regional Schools for cuts to their mouths. One of the boys was taken by his parents to a local hospital for treatment of a neck injury, Mastronardy said.
The stepfather of one of the boys — who have not been named because of their ages — told the newspaper his stepson had a cut on his lip after Rebecca Sardoni slammed his head against the bus window.
Source:
AP news
This is for your personal use, only
________________________________________________
not your own, not someone else's child
Never hit an adult either
except, perhaps, in a self-defence
Best: walk safely away
Call 911 if possible
Stay calm - do not respond to anger
This following article shows how wrong action can be taken, when the rational
reasoning brain is shut down by impatience and anger.
Impatience always takes a person to
a wrong road where suffering stars
______________
NJ mom denies hitting boy she says bullied girl
TOMS RIVER, N.J. (AP) — A New Jersey woman who says her 9-year-old daughter was bullied took matters into her own hands and confronted one of the students she says harassed the girl. Now, the mother is facing assault charges, even though she denied touching or hitting anyone.
Rebecca Sardoni and her mother boarded a school bus Friday morning bound for East Dover Elementary School, looking for a boy they claimed had been bullying her daughter on the bus.
From that point, there are conflicting versions of what happened next.
Several students on the bus said Rebecca Sardoni then cursed at the boy and slapped him and a boy seated next to him while her mother yelled at the two boys, Toms River Police Chief Michael G. Mastronardy told The Asbury Park Press.
Rebecca Sardoni, 28, of Toms River, and her mother, 51-year-old Stephanie Sardoni, of Beachwood, were arrested Friday and released on summonses. Rebecca Sardoni is charged with simple assault,criminal trespass and making terroristic threats. Stephanie Sardoni is charged with criminal trespass.
Rebecca Sardoni told The Associated Press on Sunday that she regretted boarding the bus, but she denied touching or hitting anyone.
"I was upset. I wasn't crazy woman upset," she said. "I don't put my hands on my own kids. I would have never put my hands on anyone's kid."
Sardoni said her daughter is upset and nervous about going to school Monday. She said she's considering sending her daughter to a new school but knows for sure that the girl won't be taking the bus anymore.
"It's crazy that this got blown into me doing something wrong — me and my family — when this is my daughter that is the victim," Sardoni told the AP.
Sardoni said she took matters into her own hands after school officials ignored complaints that her daughter, who is also in fourth-grade, had been verbally and physically bullied by four students. She said her mother merely stood at the front of the bus with the driver.
School officials couldn't be reached Sunday by the AP.
The boys were treated by nurses from Toms River Regional Schools for cuts to their mouths. One of the boys was taken by his parents to a local hospital for treatment of a neck injury, Mastronardy said.
The stepfather of one of the boys — who have not been named because of their ages — told the newspaper his stepson had a cut on his lip after Rebecca Sardoni slammed his head against the bus window.
Source:
AP news
This is for your personal use, only
________________________________________________
In Staf, Inc.'s scale 0 - 10 this article is 9-1/2 i its importance - study this information
STAF, Inc.'s editors placed this article in the tab handling marriages, family, children, and related topics.
An adolescent is not an adult, thus this is a suitable blog.
Adolescents in Grown-Up Jails
Important information
Click green for further info
The practice of confining young people to adult jails and prisons is both counterproductive and inhumane. Adolescents who are locked up with adults are more likely to be raped, battered or driven to suicide than young people who are handled through the juvenile justice system. After the trauma of doing hard, adult time, young people often return home as damaged individuals who are more likely to commit violent crimes and end up back inside.
The prudent approach would be for the states to keep children out of adult jails and channel them through the juvenile justice systems, where they could get the counseling and mental health services that so many of them clearly need. But, as it stands today, tens of thousands of young people each year are charged as adults, even for nonviolent offenses and property crimes that do not warrant adult time.
Many states have adopted various protective strategies, under which young inmates are separated from adults who would otherwise prey on them. One of these strategies is to segregate young people in solitary confinement — a soul-killing punishment that condemns young people to spend weeks or even months locked up alone in small cells for up to 23 hours a day, cut off from all contact with other prisoners.
A new study issued earlier this month by Human Rights Watch and the American Civil Liberties Union shows the degree to which extended isolation — which is hard going for mature adults — can easily lead to mental illness and other damage among emotionally immature young people. The report, Growing Up Locked Down, is based on interviews and correspondence in 2011 and 2012 with more than 125 individuals who were sent to jail or prison in 20 states while under the age of 18.
Prison officials use solitary confinement for several reasons that apply to all prisoners: to isolate inmates who need protection or could be dangerous to others; to deal with those who have mental problems or have threatened suicide; or to punish inmates who break rules, even minor rules like failing to make their beds or close their cell doors. Young people are naturally more prone to rule-breaking because they are impulsive and generally less capable of reasoned judgment.
Like others in solitary, young prisoners are routinely cut off from their families, sometimes denied books or forbidden from writing home. All of this deepens the terminal sense of isolation. Many of the young prisoners interviewed for the report spoke of struggling with acute anxiety, depression or hallucinations. Some spoke of deliberately injuring themselves or thinking about suicide. Others spoke of being overcome with an uncontrollable rage, which, of course, would get them bounced right back into solitary once they got out.
Corrections officials have a duty to protect the public from crime. But they also have a responsibility not to permanently scar the lives of young people who are far from fully developed when they land in custody. To meet that responsibility, states and localities should ban or sharply minimize solitary confinement for young people, and, more broadly, make sure that fewer of them land in adult jails in the first place.
Click green for further info
Source:
October 16, 2012
NYT - Editorials
This is for your private use, only
________________________________________________
'Cold Feet' May Predict Divorce
Source:
LiveScience.com
Click the green areas for further information
Ladies: If you're having doubts about marrying your beau, you might want to take a step back. New research shows that a woman's hesitation before her wedding might predict a bumpy road ahead.
"People think everybody has premarital doubts and you don't have to worry about them," Justin Lavner, a UCLA doctoral student in psychology who led the study, said in a statement. "We found they are common but not benign. Newlywed wives who had doubts about getting married before their wedding were two-and-a-half times more likely to divorce four years later than wives without these doubts. Among couples still married after four years,husbands and wives with doubts were significantly less satisfied with their marriage than those without doubts. "
Lavner and his team studied 232 couples in Los Angeles during the first few months of marriage and then checked in on the spouses every six months for four years.
During the first interview, the researchers asked the newlyweds, "Were you ever uncertain or hesitant about getting married?" Forty-seven percent of husbands answered "yes," compared with 38 percent of wives. While men seemed more likely to have cold feet, their wives' reservations better predicted future problems. [8 Ways to Ruin Your Relationship]
Nineteen percent of wives who reported doubts about getting married were divorced four years later. Among women who did not report doubts, just 8 percent were divorced four years later. For husbands, those figures were 14 percent and 9 percent, respectively.
In 36 percent of couples, both partners said they had no doubts before the wedding, and of those, just 6 percent got divorced by the four-year mark. Among couples in which both spouses reported premarital doubts, 20 percent got divorced. Of couples in which only the husband reported doubts, 10 percent got divorced, compared with 18 percent of couples who got divorced when only the wife had doubts. Past research, detailed in the December 2011 issue of the journal Family Relations, found that fear of divorce actually keeps many devoted young couples from saying "I do."
Doubts, however, don't necessarily mean doom for the relationship, Lavner and his team assured. But the researchers, who published their study in the Journal of Family Psychology, recommended that couples address misgivings,
doubt, uncertainty, apprehension, or doubt AND before tying the knot.
"If you see something unusual on your skin, should you ignore it and go to the beach, or see a doctor? Be smart and don't ignore it — and don't ignore your doubts either," researcher Thomas Bradbury, who co-directs the Relationship Institute at UCLA, said in a statement. "Have a conversation and see how it goes. Do you think the doubts will go away when you have a mortgage and two kids? Don't count on that."
In fact, a record number of Americans are unmarried today, research reported in 2011 by the Pew Research Center, though the researchers aren't sure if people are delaying marriage or shunning it altogether; the survey did show the proporation of never-married Americans has doubled since 1960.
Click the green areas for further information
Follow LiveScience on Twitter @livescience. We're also on Facebook & Google+.
________________________________________
Source:
LiveScience.com
Click the green areas for further information
Ladies: If you're having doubts about marrying your beau, you might want to take a step back. New research shows that a woman's hesitation before her wedding might predict a bumpy road ahead.
"People think everybody has premarital doubts and you don't have to worry about them," Justin Lavner, a UCLA doctoral student in psychology who led the study, said in a statement. "We found they are common but not benign. Newlywed wives who had doubts about getting married before their wedding were two-and-a-half times more likely to divorce four years later than wives without these doubts. Among couples still married after four years,husbands and wives with doubts were significantly less satisfied with their marriage than those without doubts. "
Lavner and his team studied 232 couples in Los Angeles during the first few months of marriage and then checked in on the spouses every six months for four years.
During the first interview, the researchers asked the newlyweds, "Were you ever uncertain or hesitant about getting married?" Forty-seven percent of husbands answered "yes," compared with 38 percent of wives. While men seemed more likely to have cold feet, their wives' reservations better predicted future problems. [8 Ways to Ruin Your Relationship]
Nineteen percent of wives who reported doubts about getting married were divorced four years later. Among women who did not report doubts, just 8 percent were divorced four years later. For husbands, those figures were 14 percent and 9 percent, respectively.
In 36 percent of couples, both partners said they had no doubts before the wedding, and of those, just 6 percent got divorced by the four-year mark. Among couples in which both spouses reported premarital doubts, 20 percent got divorced. Of couples in which only the husband reported doubts, 10 percent got divorced, compared with 18 percent of couples who got divorced when only the wife had doubts. Past research, detailed in the December 2011 issue of the journal Family Relations, found that fear of divorce actually keeps many devoted young couples from saying "I do."
Doubts, however, don't necessarily mean doom for the relationship, Lavner and his team assured. But the researchers, who published their study in the Journal of Family Psychology, recommended that couples address misgivings,
doubt, uncertainty, apprehension, or doubt AND before tying the knot.
"If you see something unusual on your skin, should you ignore it and go to the beach, or see a doctor? Be smart and don't ignore it — and don't ignore your doubts either," researcher Thomas Bradbury, who co-directs the Relationship Institute at UCLA, said in a statement. "Have a conversation and see how it goes. Do you think the doubts will go away when you have a mortgage and two kids? Don't count on that."
In fact, a record number of Americans are unmarried today, research reported in 2011 by the Pew Research Center, though the researchers aren't sure if people are delaying marriage or shunning it altogether; the survey did show the proporation of never-married Americans has doubled since 1960.
Click the green areas for further information
Follow LiveScience on Twitter @livescience. We're also on Facebook & Google+.
- 6 Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage
- The 6 Most Tragic Love Stories in History
- 5 Myths About Women's Bodies
________________________________________
How women want to be kissed
Click t the green areas for further inofrmation
Kisses are more than a meeting of the lips. When done well, they’re a form of communication, a surefire way to tell a woman “I want you” and “I love you.” When done badly, kisses can be... well, the kiss of death for a new relationship. So, forgive us for asking, but how do your kisses rate? You’ve probably been smooching for so many years that you take your skills for granted. Stop for a moment and think about it, though: Are you really good at it? Could your repertoire use some refreshing?
To help any man become an even better kisser, we went on a fact-finding mission. Below, nine women reveal what makes them go weak at the knees. (Is some of this information contradictory? Well, yes; what can I say? One woman’s thrill is another woman’s turn-off. Love is like that sometimes.) Now go ahead and read their stories, and then put these insider insights to work for you.
Put some passion in it
“We want to be kissed slowly, constantly, and passionately, all over... like you really mean it! We want to be kissed long, slow, deep and hard — all at once.”
– Cynthia Garrett, actress/television host and “Hip Girl” blogger
Inch on over and make that move... slowly
“Never ask a woman if you can kiss her. If you really can’t read the signs, you are better off not even trying. What does work? Getting closer and closer without touching builds tension, and that leads to the ultimate lip-lock.”
– Amy Sacco, owner of NYC clubs Bungalow 8 and Lot 61
Watch out for the nose!
“A deep, hot kiss for me means mouth on mouth, the perfect alignment of noses, and a hand inching up to hold the back of my neck.”
– Elizabeth Lippman, photographer
Try a kissing bandit technique
“A kiss doesn’t have to be face-to-face to be breathtaking. When my husband and I first started dating, I was standing at a bar ordering a drink when he came up behind me, put his arms around my waist and kissed the side of my neck, right under my ear. It literally sent shivers down my spine. I remember thinking: ‘Wow! I hope this relationship lasts!’”
– Kimberly Lewis, magazine editor
Always be a gentleman
“A man needs to have the right amount of confidence and gentleness to deliver a good kiss. Being over-confident is a big turn-off for me. I hate when a guy is so full of himself that he goes in for the kiss when you haven’t given him a single signal yet to do so. Yuck!”
– Danna Weiss, fashion expert and founder, consciousjewelry.com
Put your fingers in her hair
“I like to have my hair stroked while kissing or having him pull my head closer. Men taking control is a total turn-on.”
– Melissa de la Cruz, best-selling author of the Blue Bloods series
Don’t underestimate the power of eye contact
“I love it when a guy stops kissing me for a moment, places his hand on my face, and then just stares at me like he could devour me before going in for another kiss — that is just heaven.”
– Carmindy, author and makeup artist/beauty expert for TLC’s What Not To Wear
Pull off the perfect PDA
“An intense kiss when you’re not expecting it is so sexy. I was on a date with my now-husband and we were walking down the street, when out of nowhere, he pressed his body up against mine and began making out with me passionately. He didn’t care who walked by or if anyone screamed, ‘Get a room!’ That was a while ago, and I still think about it all the time.”
– Alexis Karl, painter and creator of the cherry bomb killer perfume line
Deliver the sweetest series of smooches
“After a make-out session, end it with a hint of sweetness... like a tiny peck on each cheek, then the tip of the nose, and then the forehead. That mix of naughty and nice sends chills up my spine. Yum.”
– Alexandra Bellak, real estate agent
Source
Yahoo news
This is for your personal use, only
______________________________________________
Click t the green areas for further inofrmation
Kisses are more than a meeting of the lips. When done well, they’re a form of communication, a surefire way to tell a woman “I want you” and “I love you.” When done badly, kisses can be... well, the kiss of death for a new relationship. So, forgive us for asking, but how do your kisses rate? You’ve probably been smooching for so many years that you take your skills for granted. Stop for a moment and think about it, though: Are you really good at it? Could your repertoire use some refreshing?
To help any man become an even better kisser, we went on a fact-finding mission. Below, nine women reveal what makes them go weak at the knees. (Is some of this information contradictory? Well, yes; what can I say? One woman’s thrill is another woman’s turn-off. Love is like that sometimes.) Now go ahead and read their stories, and then put these insider insights to work for you.
Put some passion in it
“We want to be kissed slowly, constantly, and passionately, all over... like you really mean it! We want to be kissed long, slow, deep and hard — all at once.”
– Cynthia Garrett, actress/television host and “Hip Girl” blogger
Inch on over and make that move... slowly
“Never ask a woman if you can kiss her. If you really can’t read the signs, you are better off not even trying. What does work? Getting closer and closer without touching builds tension, and that leads to the ultimate lip-lock.”
– Amy Sacco, owner of NYC clubs Bungalow 8 and Lot 61
Watch out for the nose!
“A deep, hot kiss for me means mouth on mouth, the perfect alignment of noses, and a hand inching up to hold the back of my neck.”
– Elizabeth Lippman, photographer
Try a kissing bandit technique
“A kiss doesn’t have to be face-to-face to be breathtaking. When my husband and I first started dating, I was standing at a bar ordering a drink when he came up behind me, put his arms around my waist and kissed the side of my neck, right under my ear. It literally sent shivers down my spine. I remember thinking: ‘Wow! I hope this relationship lasts!’”
– Kimberly Lewis, magazine editor
Always be a gentleman
“A man needs to have the right amount of confidence and gentleness to deliver a good kiss. Being over-confident is a big turn-off for me. I hate when a guy is so full of himself that he goes in for the kiss when you haven’t given him a single signal yet to do so. Yuck!”
– Danna Weiss, fashion expert and founder, consciousjewelry.com
Put your fingers in her hair
“I like to have my hair stroked while kissing or having him pull my head closer. Men taking control is a total turn-on.”
– Melissa de la Cruz, best-selling author of the Blue Bloods series
Don’t underestimate the power of eye contact
“I love it when a guy stops kissing me for a moment, places his hand on my face, and then just stares at me like he could devour me before going in for another kiss — that is just heaven.”
– Carmindy, author and makeup artist/beauty expert for TLC’s What Not To Wear
Pull off the perfect PDA
“An intense kiss when you’re not expecting it is so sexy. I was on a date with my now-husband and we were walking down the street, when out of nowhere, he pressed his body up against mine and began making out with me passionately. He didn’t care who walked by or if anyone screamed, ‘Get a room!’ That was a while ago, and I still think about it all the time.”
– Alexis Karl, painter and creator of the cherry bomb killer perfume line
Deliver the sweetest series of smooches
“After a make-out session, end it with a hint of sweetness... like a tiny peck on each cheek, then the tip of the nose, and then the forehead. That mix of naughty and nice sends chills up my spine. Yum.”
– Alexandra Bellak, real estate agent
Source
Yahoo news
This is for your personal use, only
______________________________________________
New Dating Site for the Older Crowd
By Lisa Stark | ABC News
Mention AARP and most people think of Social Security, Medicare and senior discounts. Now the group is getting into the dating business.
The organization has launched an online dating channel, and an online dating site for the over-50 crowd.
"AARP wanted to get into the game because one, we know isolation is a very big issue for our members as they age," said Nataki Edwards, Vice President of Digital Strategies and Operations at AARP. Edwards said a quarter of the group's 37 million members are single and many have been asking the organization to help them link up with others.
"It's not necessarily about getting married," Edwards told ABC News. "It's about the companionship and having fun things to do with someone else."
AARP's new venture is not the first dating site geared toward this age group. It'll be competing withOurTime, which bills itself as the premier online 50+ dating service. AARP is partnering withHowAboutWe.com, whose philosophy is to get people out on dates early on to see if they hit it off, rather than spending a lot of time getting to know each other online, only to find there's no chemistry when they meet in person. Edwards calls it "dating like they used to date."
That appeals to Shelley Kilburn, who describes herself as a "54-year-old SWF (single white female)." Kilburn said she likes the idea of meeting face-to face, telling ABC News, "When you talk to someone in person you get a better image or feeling, you have that ability to use a (woman's intuition), that sixth sense."
Kilburn, a Southern California resident and a former news colleague of this reporter, has been divorced for five years. She hasn't tried online dating yet, but says she might gravitate to an AARP site because to her the group has a trustworthy "history and reputation, (so) I would be comfortable."
Carol Siflinger agrees, writing in response to a Facebook question about the new site, "It is a great idea! I would hope singles going to this site would be of a better caliber than 'meat market' sites!"
For those 50 and older, trying to date again can be daunting.
"It's not so easy for people because many of them haven't dated for 30 years or more", said relationship expert Pepper Schwartz, who's written extensively on sexuality. Schwartz, who is also AARP's Love and Relationship Ambassador, says online dating can be especially unnerving. "Honestly, I think most of them go kicking and screaming. They wouldn't do this if there was another option."
Schwartz, who is 67, says she met her fiancé online. "It's not easy: you have to work at it. You have to be resilient." Of course, Schwartz adds, that's not necessarily age-related. "Who ever found dating easy," she says, "even when they were younger?"
Looking for a companion online worked wonderfully for Becky Hedlund Lemaire, of Breaux Bridge, La., who met her husband of six years through an online service. She says no matter which dating site you rely on, it's important to take safety seriously.
"Always meet in public", says Lemaire, "Don't give out personal information and make sure someone knows where you are going to meet."
AARP has tips too for the more mature dater - the group suggests you don't spend the first date talking only about your children or grandchildren, or your aches and pains. The organization says its new online dating channel will help with dating advice.
Those popular senior discounts will come into play too. AARP is offering a seven-day free trial, then half off the dating service price for its members.
AARP's Edwards said she won't be using the new service because "I am married myself." However, she laughs, "I have sent it to every single friend that I have who is looking."
Also Read
Pagination
By Lisa Stark | ABC News
Mention AARP and most people think of Social Security, Medicare and senior discounts. Now the group is getting into the dating business.
The organization has launched an online dating channel, and an online dating site for the over-50 crowd.
"AARP wanted to get into the game because one, we know isolation is a very big issue for our members as they age," said Nataki Edwards, Vice President of Digital Strategies and Operations at AARP. Edwards said a quarter of the group's 37 million members are single and many have been asking the organization to help them link up with others.
"It's not necessarily about getting married," Edwards told ABC News. "It's about the companionship and having fun things to do with someone else."
AARP's new venture is not the first dating site geared toward this age group. It'll be competing withOurTime, which bills itself as the premier online 50+ dating service. AARP is partnering withHowAboutWe.com, whose philosophy is to get people out on dates early on to see if they hit it off, rather than spending a lot of time getting to know each other online, only to find there's no chemistry when they meet in person. Edwards calls it "dating like they used to date."
That appeals to Shelley Kilburn, who describes herself as a "54-year-old SWF (single white female)." Kilburn said she likes the idea of meeting face-to face, telling ABC News, "When you talk to someone in person you get a better image or feeling, you have that ability to use a (woman's intuition), that sixth sense."
Kilburn, a Southern California resident and a former news colleague of this reporter, has been divorced for five years. She hasn't tried online dating yet, but says she might gravitate to an AARP site because to her the group has a trustworthy "history and reputation, (so) I would be comfortable."
Carol Siflinger agrees, writing in response to a Facebook question about the new site, "It is a great idea! I would hope singles going to this site would be of a better caliber than 'meat market' sites!"
For those 50 and older, trying to date again can be daunting.
"It's not so easy for people because many of them haven't dated for 30 years or more", said relationship expert Pepper Schwartz, who's written extensively on sexuality. Schwartz, who is also AARP's Love and Relationship Ambassador, says online dating can be especially unnerving. "Honestly, I think most of them go kicking and screaming. They wouldn't do this if there was another option."
Schwartz, who is 67, says she met her fiancé online. "It's not easy: you have to work at it. You have to be resilient." Of course, Schwartz adds, that's not necessarily age-related. "Who ever found dating easy," she says, "even when they were younger?"
Looking for a companion online worked wonderfully for Becky Hedlund Lemaire, of Breaux Bridge, La., who met her husband of six years through an online service. She says no matter which dating site you rely on, it's important to take safety seriously.
"Always meet in public", says Lemaire, "Don't give out personal information and make sure someone knows where you are going to meet."
AARP has tips too for the more mature dater - the group suggests you don't spend the first date talking only about your children or grandchildren, or your aches and pains. The organization says its new online dating channel will help with dating advice.
Those popular senior discounts will come into play too. AARP is offering a seven-day free trial, then half off the dating service price for its members.
AARP's Edwards said she won't be using the new service because "I am married myself." However, she laughs, "I have sent it to every single friend that I have who is looking."
Also Read
Pagination
- Ignore the 'Copyright' Facebook War …
- ChristianSingleSeniors.com Notes …
Senior Dating Site Encourages Singles to Stay HopefulTorrance, California (PRWEB) November 23, 2012 The … Full Story »ChristianSingleSeniors.com Notes an Annual Rise in Signups During November/December - 68% Of Singles Say Traditional Online …
DinnerDate reveals in new survey: Singles eager to meet up in-person faster with less pressure and more …Full Story »68% Of Singles Say Traditional Online Dating Isn't Working and Dater Profiles Most Often Inaccurate _______________________________________________________________________________
Eight Things that Kill His Sex Drive
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Since guys are usually down for sex anytime, anywhere, something's probably up when your man's suddenly not up for naughty time. Sure, stress or relationship issues can kill his sex drive, but research has found these random things affect his libido, too.
By Natasha Burton
1. Neon-Colored Drinks
Animal testing has shown that brominated vegetable oil, a common ingredient in both citrus-flavored flavored sodas and electrolyte-replenishing drinks can cause testicular damage. Bromine has also been connected with impotence and low sex drive in men. So if your guy is a fan, it might be time to get him to cut back.
2. Licorice
In a study published by the New England Journal of Medicine, researchers found that men's testosterone levels dropped dramatically when they were given licorice supplements to eat. Random, right?
Related: How to Kiss Him All Over
3. Forgetting to Floss
Not only does flossing keep your choppers healthy, according to the Journal of Periodontology, men who don't regularly floss their teeth have a higher chance of erectile dysfunction than men who do.
4. Touching Receipts
Okay, this is a bit of a weird one. But a study published in the journal Fertility and Sterility discovered that men with higher levels of the chemical bisphenol A (also know as BPA)-which coats about 40 percent of receipts-in their urine had lower sperm counts than men who has lower levels of BPA in their systems. BPA has also been linked to erectile dysfunction and lower levels of sexual desire in men. BPA is regarded as a poisonous for mammals.
Related: 9 Tips for Steamy Shower Sex
5. Soy
Ladies with vegetarian boyfriends, take note: Soy has also been known to trigger feminizing qualities in men, like breast growth and high estrogen levels, as well as decrease men's horniness and erection size.
6. Scented Candles
While we're all about setting the mood, using certain candles may have the opposite effect-and totally kill a man's libido. In 2008, South Carolina State University conducted an air-quality test on artificially scented candles and found that some of them emit a ton of icky substances into the air, including benzene and toluene, a.k.a. the toxic components in tailpipe exhaust.
Related: How to Sneak Sex When You're Home for the Holidays
7. Cold Medicine
While it takes a strong guy to want to get busy while he's battling "man flu" there may be another reason your guy might be ho-hum about sex when he's feeling under the weather. Over-the-counter cold and flu remedies that contain the chemicals diphenhydramine or pseudoephedrine can have not-so-sexy side effects, including low sex drive and erectile dysfunction.
8. Gin & Tonics
Your guy's go-to cocktail may be killing his mojo *): According to Germany's Institute of Reproductive Medicine, quinine-the flavoring agent used in tonic water-can cause erectile dysfunction. Other studies in Nigeria show that quinine can also decrease man's testosterone levels. Yeah, maybe it's time to switch to soda water.
*) mojo = Self-confidence, Self-assuredness. As in basis for belief in ones self in a situation.
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12 Facts About Cheating
Can you spot a husband prone to infidelity? If he's unhappy with his wife, he'll cheat, right? Not necessarily. According to a Rutgers University study, 56% of men who have affairs claim to be happy in their marriages. They're largely satisfied with all they have and aren't looking for a way out, yet they still find themselves in bed with other women-and in hot water with their wives. Here, experts explain this phenomenon and dispel other popular cheating myths.
Related: Check out the 11 signs that he might be having an affair.
Fact #1: Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat.
Men who cheat haven't fallen out of love; they've become unsatisfied with the current state of it. "Cheating usually occurs in the phase of companionate love, when couples begin to settle down, have kids and solidify the life being built together," says clinical psychologist Andra Brosh, PhD. While they're fulfilled in some areas, like being a provider, the romance may be missing. "We more often think of women complaining about a lack of romance, but men feel it, too," says Dr. Brosh. "They frequently suffer in silence, believing they can't get what they want from their spouses." To avoid this in your marriage, plan nights out together, set aside time for sex and discuss hopes and dreams--not just workdays and your son's last soccer game.
Fact #2: Men usually cheat with women they know.
Cheaters don't generally pick up random women in bars. "My first husband cheated on me with a childhood friend," says Diane* from New York City. "His family was close to her family, so they never lost touch." Intimacy expert Mary Jo Rapini explains, "A lot of women think that all cheating women are floozies-not true. The relationships are usually friendships first." In fact, more than 60% of affairs start at work, according to Focus on the Family. A good idea: Make sure your husband feels more connected to you than to his business partner. "Spouses go to work, take care of their kids and do separate things at night. That has to stop," says Rapini. She suggests always going to bed at the same time and cuddling.
Related: Find out the 10 things your husband's friends are hiding from you.
Fact #3: Men cheat to save their marriages.
"Men love their spouses, but they don't know how to fix their relationship problems, so they go outside their marriages to fill any holes," says licensed marriage and family therapist Susan Mandel, PhD. Men want it all and have the skewed notion that another woman will make the longing for something more disappear. Then, they can live happily ever after with their wife--and their mistress--without confronting the real issues.
Fact #4: Men hate themselves after affairs.
You may think of cheaters as men without morals, but while they may like what they did, they tend to despise themselves after their indiscretions. "If he puts his ego to the side, he'll feel like a piece of garbage," says relationship expert Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women...Is Men. "After all, he's betraying another human being who he claims to care about, so that takes its toll on every part of his psyche." A cheater can feel as though he's failed as a man.
Fact #5: Cheaters often get friskier with their wives when affairs begin.
Just because a husband's touchy-feely doesn't mean his marriage is on firm footing. "When a man starts cheating, he becomes hyperactive sexually," says Rapini, explaining that his sex drive has been awakened, and his wife is still the one with whom he feels most comfortable sexually. If you notice a sudden change in your husband's sex drive, it should raise a red flag. Be on the lookout for the switch to flip off again. "After the affair is solid, he may begin to pull away," says Rapini.
Related: click green to see the article: Discover 10 things men wish women knew about sex.
Fact #6: Women cheat just as much as men, and their affairs are more dangerous.
An Indiana University study shows that men and women cheat at the same rate. But "the reasons the sexes cheat are different," says Orlando. He explains women are more likely to cheat for emotional satisfaction. "Online cheating--without any physical contact--is the most damaging type of infidelity," says Orlando. Becoming emotionally invested in another person means you've likely checked out of your marriage. But if it's just sex, it's less about attachment and more about a hurtful mistake.
Fact #7: A wife often knows her husband's cheating.
How could Tiger Woods's ex, Elin Nordegren, and Arnold Schwarzenegger's ex, Maria Shriver, not have known what their high-profile husbands were up to? They probably did, but couldn't bear to acknowledge it. "At one level, I knew, but my denial was so strong," says Lily* from Toronto, Canada. "The pain, had I accepted it at that time, would have been too horrendous, so I had to process it slowly." According to Dr. Brosh, the jilted celebrities were likely doing the same thing: choosing what they could live with for the sake of their kids or to avoid humiliation and the fallout.
Fact #8: A couple will never work it out when the husband is in the midst of an affair.
They could agree to work on things, but it won't matter. If he's still in the throes of a hot, new romance, nothing a woman does will drag him out of it. "He's got such positivity happening, without all the drama that exists in the established relationship," says Orlando. The marriage will likely fail, unless he decides on his own accord that life isn't better with the other woman. So the key is prevention. Continue to be the woman he first fell for throughout your marriage. "Women often turn from a loving girlfriend into a nagging wife. Men aren't attracted to that." Dole out compliments andsurprise him with sex--don't just yell at him about that towel on the bathroom floor, suggests Dr. Mandel.
Fact #9: Affairs can often fix a marriage.
Is infidelity the kiss of death for a couple? Not always. Although a new relationship is exciting, "an affair can rekindle the marriage," says Orlando. "Men realize who they want for the rest of their lives and that the new relationship isn't as perfect as they thought." But think hard before returning to a cheater. "Flings can highlight how little self-control someone has," explains Orlando. Still, if it was truly a one-time slip, it's possible to get back on track.
Related: Learn How To Look Great In Every Photo
Fact #10: Even after rebuilding the marriage, a husband may still miss the affair.
Sadly, he might love his wife and want to salvage the marriage, but he doesn't totally forget about the affair. "He might miss the great things about the other woman-fun, zero responsibilities, sex, the rush or the chase--but oftentimes he misses how he feels about himself when he was with her, which is more damaging if he's trying to return to his marriage," says Orlando. Again, acting as you did when the relationship was new could help.
Fact #11: A cheater knows he's hurting the woman he loves, tearing his family apart and sacrificing his honor.
A man may realize the negative impact on his wife, family and himself, but still continue an affair. How? "It's all in the perception of the cheater," says Orlando. "If he feels unwanted, undervalued and taken for granted, his personal needs of being wanted, valued and appreciated will win out."
Fact #12: The wife's not to blame if her husband cheats on her.
Realize this: If your husband is unfaithful, it's not your fault, no matter what people say. "When a man cheats, he's making a conscious choice to do it," says Dr. Brosh. "The idea of being pushed into the arms of another woman is an expression, not a reality." Orlando echoes this sentiment: "Men don't cheat because of who she is; they cheat because of who they're not," he says. "The 'fault' is that the signs of disconnection have been ignored by both parties."
*Names have been changed
You Might Also Like:
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(1) 8 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex
(2) 7 Instant Mood Boosters
(3) Foods That Keep You Fuller Longer = (1) water, (2) avocado, (3) legumes, beans, lentils, (5) soup, (6) eggs,
cayenne pepper - a proven appetite suppressant, (7) eggs, (8) Greek yogurt water - Still, click the title to see the reasons for these food items keeping you fuller longer (= fuller longer means: (1) you eat less and gain less additional weight,
(2) you stay healthier.
You need to lose your extra weight - contact STAF, Inc. (1) via email for guidance "How" or (2) call (212) 946-1234
Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.
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Weakening "Violence Against Women Act" betrays immigrant victims
STAF, Inc. President, Dr. Christian's comment:
Where is the "Violence Against Men Act"? No where - the lack of it betrays the truth: About 50 % of domestic violence is done by women, about 65 % of all child abuse is done by women.
Throughout the US, on the court room walls, one can see a big question "Was HE violent today?"
Where is the question "Was SHE violent today?"
This is a problematic attitude - the truth must be told - not fiction.
As one of the leading organizations in all family issues,
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc. will educate the nation in all important family matters and also educate all D.C. people, The U.S. Congress & Senate, The White House, The President, and all related Federal agencies.
The D.C. lawmakers and lawmakers anywhere in the U.S. can create correct and reasonable laws only based on facts, not fiction.
Most lawmakers and most other people in our nation do not know the facts.
Most people have the myth belief that "only" men are violent and the women are the victims. VERY WRONG.
About 50 % of domestic violence is done by women, about 65 % of all child abuse is done by women.
___________________
Weakening "Violence Against Women Act" betrays immigrant victims
By: Mark Shurtleff and Doug Gansler
Politico
by Mark Shurtleff, a Republican, is attorney general of Utah.
Doug Gansler, a Democrat, is attorney general of Maryland.
September 11, 2012
All women who have lived through violence and abuse should have the certainty that the law will protect them — no matter their race, creed, color, religion or immigration status. Unfortunately, Congress is now considering proposals that would erode this certainty — and its failure to act is already causing harm.
We urge congressional leaders to move forward now to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act, without provisions harmful to immigrants.
As long-time law enforcement leaders, we know this act is crucial. Since passage in 1994, it has helped cut domestic violence by more than half. Still, the scourge of domestic violence remains a serious problem: One in four women experiences an act of domestic violence or sexual assault in her lifetime, and three women die every day at the hands of abusive husbands or partners.
Rates of trafficking women — often from one abusive context to another — are also alarmingly high. Roughly 100,000 survivors of human trafficking live in the United States today, according to the State Department, whose estimates suggest as many as 17,500 foreign-born victims are illegally brought in each year.
We need every available tool to fight these serious crimes, so we fully support reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act — but not in a dangerously altered form that would harm vulnerable immigrant women.
We don’t use “dangerously” lightly. When the House sought reauthorization, legislators made changes that dramatically roll back important protections for battered immigrant women and their children — leaving them vulnerable to abuse and, worse, death at the hands of an abuser.
Several House provisions would further endanger immigrant survivors of human trafficking and domestic abuse. These provisions would leave them no legal way to break the cycle of violence in which they are trapped and leave law enforcement no way to bring perpetrators to justice. The changes, for example, would discourage immigrant survivors from calling the police, for fear of immigration issues — so police can’t intervene and save their lives.
For many of these women, immigration status is one more weapon that abusers use to intimidate them. Abusers often threaten, “You can’t call the police. They’ll just deport you.”
Under the existing law, our response is clear: “He’s wrong. You’re safe.” If we certify that a victim was helpful to law enforcement during an investigation, she can seek special legal immigration status — known as a U visa.
But the House bill would make this visa temporary and take away an immigrant survivor’s incentive to come forward. “He’s wrong; you’re safe” would be replaced with the far less reassuring message “You’ll have to wait and see.”
What kind of person does the U visa help? Consider “Stephanie,” an immigrant living in Maryland who lacked work authorization. She had already been sexually harassed by work supervisors when a stranger followed her into a room in the building where she was working and tried to rape her. Stephanie was able to fight him off and immediately reported the incident to police, who found the man nearby and arrested him.
After reporting the terrible crime, Stephanie learned she would be eligible for a U visa for her cooperation with police and the state’s attorney. Her assistance helped get a rapist off the streets. Today, Stephanie has her U visa and is confident and self-supporting.
The House bill would silence thousands of women like Stephanie and derail our efforts to put their attackers behind bars. Worse, it would further endanger some of the very women whom the Violence Against Women Act is meant to help.
In late August, we received a reminder of reauthorization’s urgency. Our immigration authorities announced that they had reached the limit of 10,000 U visas for the current fiscal year, leaving a six-week gap before the new fiscal year brings a fresh allotment. In the meantime, lives are at risk.
The Senate’s bipartisan reauthorization bill would increase that visa limit to 15,000, a significant boost for law enforcement and public safety.
The law enforcement community now has 17 years of experience with the Violence Against Women Act and has used it successfully to combat human trafficking, sexual assault and domestic violence. We have relied on it to protect survivors of all stripes and hold their abusers accountable.
These abusers don’t differentiate by race, creed, color, religion or immigration status. In seeking justice for survivors, neither should we.
The House version of the Violence Against Women Act reauthorization seeks to turn a bipartisan concern for abuse survivors into a partisan wedge. Congress must not let partisanship stand in the way of our work to protect all women, and their families, from harm.
Source:
Politico
by Mark Shurtleff, a Republican, is attorney general of Utah. Doug Gansler, a Democrat, is attorney general of Maryland.
This article is for your private use, only
_______________________________
In STAF, Inc.'s scale 0-10 this article is 9+ Important information
Pacifiers May Stunt Boys’ Emotional Development
Popping a binky in a baby's mouth is a quick way to stop them from fussing,
but for boys, it may also short-circuit their emotional growth
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Read More: 10 Simple Ways to Boost Kid's Self-Esteem
Source:
Paula Niedenthal, PhD - lead author of this studyJournal of Basic and Applied Social Psychology
Before a baby can talk, he or she relies on non-verbal cues, especially facial expressions, to communicate. Babies also mirror those cues, and in so doing, discover the emotions the cues are attached to. In a recent study published in the Journal of Basic and Applied Social Psychology researchers from the University of Wisconsin scientists evaluated over 100 kids and found that that six and seven-year-old boys who had heavily used pacifiers were worse at mimicking emotions expressed by faces on a video. They also interviewed more than 600 college students and discovered that college-age men whose parents reported they had relied on pacifiers scored lower on tests measuring empathy and the ability to evaluate the moods of others. For girls and young women, the researchers found there was no difference in emotional maturity based on pacifier use.
Related: Baby Bottles, Sippy Cups, Pacifiers, Can Injure
"Females tend to be more precise both in both expressing and reading emotional cues," lead author Paula Niedenthal, PhD, tells. "We don't exactly know how that occurs. One reason might be that be that society encourages girls to read emotions. They might work harder at it." She adds, "Parents talk to girls about emotional processing more than they do to boys. That's not a revolutionary statement." Since boys aren't expected to be as emotional, parents may not compensate for pacifier use by helping them learn in other ways.
VIDEO: Boy's Science Project Alarms Neighbor
The study was inspired by research on people at the other end of the age spectrum-adults who used Botox.
Previous research suggested that people who paralyze their facial muscles with injections of Botulinum toxin as a cosmetic procedure not only express less facial emotion after treatment, but they also feel less emotion. "That work got us thinking about critical periods of emotional development, like infancy," said Niedenthal in a statement. "What if you always had something in your mouth that prevented you from mimicking and resonating with the facial expression of somebody?"
Niedenthal acknowledges that asking parents (and babies) to chuck their pacifiers puts her on shaky ground. "Parents hate to have this discussion." She also says pacifier use while sleeping doesn't harm boys emotionally. "We already know from this work that nighttime pacifier use doesn't make a difference, presumably because that isn't a time when babies are observing and mimicking our facial expressions anyway. It's not learning time."
Pacifier use in general is a controversial topic. The World Health Organization says that any artificial nipples can inhibit breastfeeding and the Journal of the American Family Physician adds that pacifiers may encourage ear infection and eventually lead to dental problems. However, theAmerican Academy of Pediatrics says they are okay as long as you don't offer one to a hungry baby instead of nourishment. Pacifiers sucked during naps and bedtime may even reduce the risk Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
Niedenthal tells her team is currently doing research on other factors, such as whether babies can express emotions while plugged in to a pacifier and if parents are offering pacifiers more to baby boys. For now, she suggests at least considering limiting daytime use-especially for boys. As with any child-rearing choices, "think about why and when you are using certain strategies. Parents offer the pacifier to their babies, they can't use it on their own. We can ask ourselves when is a good and bad time to use it, just like you might ask the same questions about how much screen time is okay."
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Way to play with your toddler - Study
The way parents interact with their child during playtime at age 2 may be a boon to fifth-grade reading and math skills, find a study in Family Science.
The children who saw additional benefits had one thing in common:
THEIR BIOLOGICAL FATHER LIVED WITH THEM.
Kids whose mom and dad participated at playtime, elaborating on pictures in books and taking part in pretend play, saw the greatest gains. Simply having a father at home also helped, possibly
because moms were more likely to engage their child at a higher level, rather than just watching him or her play, if they had a support of a spouse, says Dr. Gina Cook, Ph.D., research assist ant professor in the family consumer and human development at Utah State University in Logan.
__________________________________
The way parents interact with their child during playtime at age 2 may be a boon to fifth-grade reading and math skills, find a study in Family Science.
The children who saw additional benefits had one thing in common:
THEIR BIOLOGICAL FATHER LIVED WITH THEM.
Kids whose mom and dad participated at playtime, elaborating on pictures in books and taking part in pretend play, saw the greatest gains. Simply having a father at home also helped, possibly
because moms were more likely to engage their child at a higher level, rather than just watching him or her play, if they had a support of a spouse, says Dr. Gina Cook, Ph.D., research assist ant professor in the family consumer and human development at Utah State University in Logan.
__________________________________
In STAF, Inc.'s scale 0-10, this article "Gel balls can kill a child" is 9-1/2
! ! !
Important, life-saving information
Gel balls new threat to toddlers, doctors say
Source:Dr. Oluyinka Olutoye,
a pediatric surgeon
at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston.
After surgically removing a large gel ball blocking the intestines of a baby girl, Texas doctors are warning parents about a new kind of water-absorbing balls often sold as playthings.
The colored balls, marketed under the brand name Water Balz by Ohio-based DuneCraft Inc, are small to begin with, but can grow to the size of a racquetball when placed in water.
For orally fixated toddlers, that can be a problem, said Dr. Oluyinka Olutoye, a pediatric surgeon at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston.
"It goes in small and grows on the inside and may not come out," he told Reuters Health.
That was the case for an eight-month-old girl, who was brought to Texas Children's with stomach problems. Her parents suspected she had eaten one of her sister's Water Balz, and their concerns grew when they read on the label that the balls expand up to 400 times if placed in water.
Olutoye and his colleagues could see on X-rays that part of the child's small intestine was distended, as if something was blocking it, but they couldn't see the culprit. Over the next 48 hours, the girl's belly grew bigger and bigger and her symptoms didn't go away.
"The blockage allows fluid and gas to accumulate, it is just like you step on a hose," said Olutoye, whose report appeared Monday in the journal Pediatrics.
Finally, the doctors took the baby to the operating room. They cut her intestine open and drew from it a bright-green Water Balz nearly an inch and a half across.
She recovered and is doing fine, according to Olutoye.
The surgeon said that as this type of product becomes more common, parents and doctors alike need to be aware of the danger it poses if swallowed. He explained that if the intestine is blocked long enough, the building pressure may eventually cause it to rupture.
"If this is not taken care of really quickly, there can actually be a perforation… and you can die from it," said Olutoye.
DuneCraft's CEO Grant Cleveland said he was sorry to learn of the incident. He noted that the Water Balz product already carries warnings on the label and is recommended for kids over 3.
"An eight-month-old has no business being near that product," he told Reuters Health. "Trying to turn it in to a public risk is absurd."
The new report is the first in humans, said Olutoye, although there have been cases of birds dying after eating a similar gel product used in gardening and agriculture. He added warned that the balls should be kept away from pets.
More TODAY health stories:
Click the green:
Source: Reuters News
This article is for your private use, only
____________________________
! ! !
Important, life-saving information
Gel balls new threat to toddlers, doctors say
Source:Dr. Oluyinka Olutoye,
a pediatric surgeon
at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston.
After surgically removing a large gel ball blocking the intestines of a baby girl, Texas doctors are warning parents about a new kind of water-absorbing balls often sold as playthings.
The colored balls, marketed under the brand name Water Balz by Ohio-based DuneCraft Inc, are small to begin with, but can grow to the size of a racquetball when placed in water.
For orally fixated toddlers, that can be a problem, said Dr. Oluyinka Olutoye, a pediatric surgeon at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston.
"It goes in small and grows on the inside and may not come out," he told Reuters Health.
That was the case for an eight-month-old girl, who was brought to Texas Children's with stomach problems. Her parents suspected she had eaten one of her sister's Water Balz, and their concerns grew when they read on the label that the balls expand up to 400 times if placed in water.
Olutoye and his colleagues could see on X-rays that part of the child's small intestine was distended, as if something was blocking it, but they couldn't see the culprit. Over the next 48 hours, the girl's belly grew bigger and bigger and her symptoms didn't go away.
"The blockage allows fluid and gas to accumulate, it is just like you step on a hose," said Olutoye, whose report appeared Monday in the journal Pediatrics.
Finally, the doctors took the baby to the operating room. They cut her intestine open and drew from it a bright-green Water Balz nearly an inch and a half across.
She recovered and is doing fine, according to Olutoye.
The surgeon said that as this type of product becomes more common, parents and doctors alike need to be aware of the danger it poses if swallowed. He explained that if the intestine is blocked long enough, the building pressure may eventually cause it to rupture.
"If this is not taken care of really quickly, there can actually be a perforation… and you can die from it," said Olutoye.
DuneCraft's CEO Grant Cleveland said he was sorry to learn of the incident. He noted that the Water Balz product already carries warnings on the label and is recommended for kids over 3.
"An eight-month-old has no business being near that product," he told Reuters Health. "Trying to turn it in to a public risk is absurd."
The new report is the first in humans, said Olutoye, although there have been cases of birds dying after eating a similar gel product used in gardening and agriculture. He added warned that the balls should be kept away from pets.
More TODAY health stories:
Click the green:
- Why fluoride vote in Portland gets dentist's praise
- Blood type hype may be overblown
- She lost nearly 80 pounds on a "Starbucks diet"
Source: Reuters News
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____________________________
Important information
In STAF, Inc.'s scale 0-10 this article is 9+
Boost your baby’s brain through healthy eating
Do not mask the healthy stuff when preparing food for your baby and toddler.
Food can be more than nutrition - it can be a source of learning, stimulation and fun.
This article is an opinion - however STAF, Inc.s' nutritionists confirm this information scientifically correct.
Kids can be finicky eaters? You don't say! But chef and mother Mika Shino wants to change this. Shino believes that if your baby is introduced to worldly flavors and spices at a young age, he or she will not only become more adventurous, healthy eaters later in life, but you'll also be helping his or her crucial, early brain development. She translates this philosophy in her new, easy-to-make cookbook, "Smart Bites for Baby."
How can having a more diverse diet promote a child's brain development?
The mouth is the first place where the world becomes tangible.
Everything goes into their mouths in order for infants to understand it -- you name it, it goes in there.
This is how they make connections.
Providing diversity in a diet means providing the most variety in what your child learns and understands about the world, which will mean stimulation for the body and the brain. If a child is given the same food, of, say, mashed potatoes for every single meal, it would not be surprising that the brain stimulation as the nutritional intake would be quite poor.
Why is it important that parents push new, healthy foods versus masking them,
like many popular kids cookbooks advise?
STAF, Inc.'s comment by Dr. Christian, Ph.D., STAF, Inc. President:
Do not apply this above, red-printed advice, it is wrong - give and call real foods as they are, do not mask. "Masking is giving wrong facts - it is like telling lies to your precious child. Do you really want to hide the reality and the truth from your child? Call broccoli as it is: broccoli - do not try to pretend broccoli is chocolate.
You do realize that misguidance can and will create later challenges & emotional problems to your child.
Tell and show the truth - that's the correct thing to do."
Masking foods actually enables picky eating by pretending that certain foods should be hidden from view and avoided.
If, from the very beginning of being introduced to foods, babies and toddlers are taught that healthy, whole and organic foods are delicious, they won't doubt the deliciousness of those foods later on in life. Every child goes through a picky phase, but I believe kids will go back to accepting what they were initially introduced to.
Speaking of picky phases, do you have any tips for parents of picky eaters?
Just keep trying. If your child has suddenly turned against the broccoli that she loved until yesterday, just keep serving it. And remember: If parents can adopt a healthy approach to eating from the very start, it often curbs the severity of the fussy period.
The main thing is to have patience and not show frustration. You don't want your child to associate eating with something negative. A fussy phase is just that -- a phase.
Source:
Chef Miko Sino
MetroNM Newspaper
This article is for your personal use, only
___________________________________________
In STAF, Inc.'s scale 0-10 this article is 9+
Boost your baby’s brain through healthy eating
Do not mask the healthy stuff when preparing food for your baby and toddler.
Food can be more than nutrition - it can be a source of learning, stimulation and fun.
This article is an opinion - however STAF, Inc.s' nutritionists confirm this information scientifically correct.
Kids can be finicky eaters? You don't say! But chef and mother Mika Shino wants to change this. Shino believes that if your baby is introduced to worldly flavors and spices at a young age, he or she will not only become more adventurous, healthy eaters later in life, but you'll also be helping his or her crucial, early brain development. She translates this philosophy in her new, easy-to-make cookbook, "Smart Bites for Baby."
How can having a more diverse diet promote a child's brain development?
The mouth is the first place where the world becomes tangible.
Everything goes into their mouths in order for infants to understand it -- you name it, it goes in there.
This is how they make connections.
Providing diversity in a diet means providing the most variety in what your child learns and understands about the world, which will mean stimulation for the body and the brain. If a child is given the same food, of, say, mashed potatoes for every single meal, it would not be surprising that the brain stimulation as the nutritional intake would be quite poor.
Why is it important that parents push new, healthy foods versus masking them,
like many popular kids cookbooks advise?
STAF, Inc.'s comment by Dr. Christian, Ph.D., STAF, Inc. President:
Do not apply this above, red-printed advice, it is wrong - give and call real foods as they are, do not mask. "Masking is giving wrong facts - it is like telling lies to your precious child. Do you really want to hide the reality and the truth from your child? Call broccoli as it is: broccoli - do not try to pretend broccoli is chocolate.
You do realize that misguidance can and will create later challenges & emotional problems to your child.
Tell and show the truth - that's the correct thing to do."
Masking foods actually enables picky eating by pretending that certain foods should be hidden from view and avoided.
If, from the very beginning of being introduced to foods, babies and toddlers are taught that healthy, whole and organic foods are delicious, they won't doubt the deliciousness of those foods later on in life. Every child goes through a picky phase, but I believe kids will go back to accepting what they were initially introduced to.
Speaking of picky phases, do you have any tips for parents of picky eaters?
Just keep trying. If your child has suddenly turned against the broccoli that she loved until yesterday, just keep serving it. And remember: If parents can adopt a healthy approach to eating from the very start, it often curbs the severity of the fussy period.
The main thing is to have patience and not show frustration. You don't want your child to associate eating with something negative. A fussy phase is just that -- a phase.
Source:
Chef Miko Sino
MetroNM Newspaper
This article is for your personal use, only
___________________________________________
The Health of a child:
In Inception of Pregnancy, Why Fathers Really Matter
By JUDITH SHULEVITZ
Click the green areas for further information
MOTHERHOOD begins as a tempestuously physical experience but quickly becomes a political one. Once a woman’s pregnancy goes public, the storm moves outside. Don’t pile on the pounds! Your child will be obese. Don’t eat too little, or your baby will be born too small. For heaven’s sake, don’t drink alcohol. Oh, please: you can sip some wine now and again. And no matter how many contradictory things the experts say, don’t panic. Stress hormones wreak havoc on a baby’s budding nervous system.
All this advice rains down on expectant mothers for the obvious reason that mothers carry babies and create the environments in which they grow. What if it turned out, though, that expectant fathers molded babies, too, and not just by way of genes?
Biology is making it clearer by the day that a man’s health and well-being have a measurable impact on his future children’s health and happiness. This is not because a strong, resilient man has a greater likelihood of being a fabulous dad — or not only for that reason — or because he’s probably got good genes. Whether a man’s genes are good or bad (and whatever “good” and “bad” mean in this context), his children’s bodies and minds will reflect lifestyle choices he has made over the years, even if he made those choices long before he ever imagined himself strapping on a Baby Bjorn.
Doctors have been telling men for years that smoking, drinking and recreational drugs can lower the quality of their sperm. What doctors should probably add is that the health of unborn children can be affected by what and how much men eat; the toxins they absorb; the traumas they endure; their poverty or powerlessness; and their age at the time of conception. In other words, what a man needs to know is that his life experience leaves biological traces on his children. Even more astonishingly, those children may pass those traces along to their children.
Before I began reading up on fathers and their influence on future generations, I had a high-school-biology-level understanding of how a man passes his traits on to his child. His sperm and the mother’s egg smash into each other, his sperm tosses in one set of chromosomes, the egg tosses in another, and a child’s genetic future is set for life. Physical features: check. Character: check. Cognitive style: check. But the pathways of inheritance, I’ve learned, are subtler and more varied than that. Genes matter, and culture matters, and how fathers behave matters, too.
Lately scientists have become obsessed with a means of inheritance that isn’t genetic but isn’t nongenetic either. It’s epigenetic. “Epi,” in Greek, means “above” or “beyond.” Think of epigenetics as the way our bodies modify their genetic makeup. Epigenetics describes how genes are turned on or off, in part through compounds that hitch on top of DNA — or else jump off it — determining whether it makes the proteins that tell our bodies what to do.
In the past decade or so, the study of epigenetics has become so popular it’s practically a fad. Psychologists and sociologists particularly like it because gene expression or suppression is to some degree dictated by the environment and plays at least as large a role as genes do in the development of a person’s temperament, body shape and predisposition to disease. I’ve become obsessed with epigenetics because it strikes me as both game-changing and terrifying. Our genes can be switched on or off by three environmental factors, among other things: what we ingest (food, drink, air, toxins); what we experience (stress, trauma); and how long we live.
Epigenetics means that our physical and mental tendencies were not set in stone during the Pleistocene age, as evolutionary psychologysometimes seems to claim. Rather, they’re shaped by the life we lead and the world we live in right now. Epigenetics proves that we are the products of history, public as well as private, in parts of us that are so intimately ours that few people ever imagined that history could reach them. (One person who did imagine it is the French 18th-century naturalist Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, who believed that acquired traits could be inherited. Twentieth-century Darwinian genetics dismissed Lamarckism as laughable, but because of epigenetics, Lamarckism is staging a comeback.)
The best-known example of the power of nutrition to affect the genes of fathers and sons comes from a corner of northern Sweden called Overkalix. Until the 20th century, Overkalix was cut off from the rest of the world, unreachable by road, train or even, in wintertime, boat, because the frozen Baltic Sea could not be crossed. Thus, when there were bad harvests in Overkalix, the children starved, and when there were good harvests, they stuffed themselves.
More than a decade ago, three Swedish researchers dug up records from Overkalix going back to 1799 in order to correlate its children’s health data with records of regional harvests and other documents showing when food was and wasn’t available. What the researchers learned was extremely odd. They found that when boys ate badly during the years right before puberty, between the ages of 9 and 12, their sons, as adults, had lower than normal rates of heart disease. When boys ate all too well during that period, their grandsons had higher rates of diabetes.
When the study appeared in 2002, a British geneticist published an essay speculating that how much a boy ate in prepuberty could permanently reprogram the epigenetic switches that would govern the manufacture of sperm a few years later. And then, in a process so intricate that no one agrees yet how it happens but probably has something to do with the germline (the reproductive cells that are handed down to children, and to children’s children), those reprogrammed switches are transferred to his sons and his sons’ sons.
A decade later, animal studies confirm that a male mammal’s nutritional past has a surprisingly strong effect on his offspring. Male rats that are starved before they’re mated produce offspring with less blood sugar and altered levels of corticosterone (which protects against stress) and insulin-like growth factor 1 (which helps babies develop).
Southeast Asian men who chew betel nuts, a snack that contains a chemical affecting metabolic functioning, are more likely to have children with weight problems and heart disease. Animal studies have shown that the effects of betel nut consumption by a male may extend to his grandchildren.
Environmental toxins leave even more florid traces on grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Vinclozin, a fungicide that used to be sprayed all over America (it’s less common now), is what’s known as an endocrine disrupter; it blocks the production of testosterone. Male rats whose mothers receive a fat dose of vinclozin late in their pregnancy are highly likely to be born with defective testicles and reduced fertility. These problems seem to reappear in up to four generations of male rats after the mother is poisoned.
THAT food and poison change us is not all that surprising, even if it is surprising how far down the change goes. What is unexpected are the psychological dimensions of epigenetics. To learn more about these, I visited the Mount Sinai Medical Center laboratory of Dr. Eric Nestler, a psychiatrist who did a discomfiting study on male mice and what he calls “social defeat.” His researchers put small normal field mice in cages with big, nasty retired breeders, and let the big mice attack the smaller mice for about five minutes a day. If a mean mouse and a little mouse were pried apart by means of a screen, the torturer would claw at the screen, trying to get at his victim. All this subjected the field mouse to “a horrendous level of stress,” Dr. Nestler told me. This process was repeated for 10 days, with a different tormentor placed in each cage every day. By the time the torture stopped, about two-thirds of the field mice exhibited permanent and quantifiable symptoms of the mouse equivalents of depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. The researchers then bred these unhappy mice with normal females. When their pups grew up, they tended to overreact to social stress, becoming so anxious and depressed that they wouldn’t even drink sugar water. They avoided other mice as much as they could.
Dr. Nestler is not sure exactly how the mouse fathers’ trauma communicates itself to their offspring. It may be via sperm, or it may be through some more complicated dance of nature and nurture that involves sperm but also other factors. When instead of letting the “defeated” mice mate, Dr. Nestler’s researchers killed them, harvested their sperm and impregnated the female mice through artificial means, the offspring were largely normal. Perhaps the sperm was harvested at the wrong stage in the process, says Dr. Nestler. Or maybe the female mouse picked up some signal when she had sex with the dysfunctional male mouse, some telltale pheromone or squeak, that made her body withhold nutrition and care from his pups. Females have been known to not invest in the spawn of non-optimal males, an outcome that makes perfect evolutionary sense — why waste resources on a loser?
When it comes to the epigenetics of aging, however, there is little question that the chemical insults and social setbacks of everyday life distill themselves in sperm. A woman is born with all the eggs she’ll ever carry. By the time a man turns 40, on the other hand, his gonad cells will have divided 610 times to make spermatozoa. By the time he’s in his 50s, that number goes up to 840. Each time those cells copy themselves, mistakes may appear in the DNA chain. Some researchers now think that a percentage of those mistakes reflects not just random mutations but experience-based epigenetic markings that insinuate themselves from sperm to fetus and influence brain development. Another theory holds that aging gonad cells are more error-prone because the parts of the DNA that should have spotted and repaired any mistakes have been epigenetically tamped down. In any case, we now know that the children of older fathers show more signs of schizophrenia, autism and bipolar disorder than children of younger ones.
In a meta-analysis of a population study of more than a million people published last year, Christina Hultman of the Karolinska Institute of Sweden concluded that children of men older than 50 were 2.2 times as likely to have autism as children of 29-year-olds, even after the study had factored out mothers’ ages and known risk factors for autism. By the time the men passed 55, the risk doubled to 4.4 times that of 29-year-olds. Can the aging of the parent population explain the apparent spike in autism cases? A study published last month in Nature that used whole-genome sequencing on 78 Icelandic families made the strongest case to date that as fathers age, mutations in their sperm spike dramatically. Some of the mutations found by the researchers in Reykjavik have been linked to autism and schizophrenia in children.
In his Washington Heights laboratory at the New York State Psychiatric Institute, Jay Gingrich, a professor of psychobiology, compares the pups of young male mice (3 months old or so) to those of old male mice (12 to 14 months old). The differences between the pups, he told me, weren’t “earth-shattering” — they weighed about the same and there weren’t big gaps in their early development. But discrepancies appeared when the mice grew up. The adult offspring of the older fathers had less adventuresome personalities; they also reacted to loud noises in unusual ways that paralleled reactions evinced by schizophrenics who heard similar sounds.
Still, Dr. Gingrich said, “the differences were subtle” until he decided to pool the data on their behavior and graph it on a bell curve. A “vast majority” of the children of the older mice were “completely normal,” he said, which meant their score fell under the upside-down parabola of the curve. The real differences came at the tails or skinny ends of the bell curve. There was about a sixfold increase in likelihood that one of the “abnormal outliers,” mice with cognitive or behavioral handicaps, “would come from an older father.” Conversely, the super-high-performing mice were about six times more likely to come from a younger father. “I’m an inherently skeptical person,” Dr. Gingrich told me, but he was impressed by these results.
One unanswered question about autism and schizophrenia is how they crop up in generation after generation; after all, wildly dysfunctional individuals don’t usually flourish romantically. “I think we’re going to have to consider that advanced paternal age, with its epigenetic effects, may be a way of explaining the mysteries of schizophrenia and autism, insofar as the rates of these disorders have maintained themselves — and autism may be going up,” Dr. Gingrich said. “From a cruel Darwinian perspective, it’s not clear how much success these folks have at procreating, or how else these genes maintain themselves in the population.”
When you’re an older mother, you get used to the sidelong glances of sonogram technicians, the extra battery of medical tests, the fear that your baby has Down syndrome, the real or imagined hints from younger mothers that you’re having children so late because you care more about professional advancement than family. But as the research on paternal inheritance piles up, the needle of doubt may swing at least partway to fathers. “We’re living through a paradigm shift,” said Dolores Malaspina, a professor of psychiatry at New York University who has done pioneering work on older fathers and schizophrenia. Older mothers no longer need to shoulder all the blame: “It’s the aging man who damages the offspring.”
Aging, though, is only one of the vicissitudes of life that assault a man’s reproductive vitality. Think of epigenetics as having ushered in a new age of sexual equality, in which both sexes have to worry about threats to which women once felt uniquely exposed. Dr. Malaspina remembers that before she went to medical school, she worked in a chemical plant making radioactive drugs. The women who worked there came under constant, invasive scrutiny, lest the toxic workplace contaminate their eggs. But maybe, Dr. Malaspina points out, the plant managers should have spared some concern for the men, whose germlines were just as susceptible to poisoning as the women’s, and maybe even more so. The well-being of the children used to be the sole responsibility of their mothers. Now fathers have to be held accountable, too. Having twice endured the self-scrutiny and second-guessing that goes along with being pregnant, I wish them luck.
Source: NYT
Judith Shulevitz is the science editor for The New Republic.
This article is for your private use, only
MORE IN OPINION (1 OF 16 ARTICLES) Op-Ed Columnist: Nuclear Mullahs Read More »
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Further information relating to human reproduction
in the above article relating to the health of the father
STAF, Inc.'s editors decided to place this "Supermice" article in this Marriage column because it relates to the article above about father's lifestyle & health quality, thus the father's sperm and will affect the child. Of course, the mother's lifestyle & health condition matters as much.
The "Supermice" article will give new insight to study & research
the human sperm quality (as well as the same with the cattle) to provide healthier offspring.
'Supermice' Invade Europe with Mighty Sperm
Click green for further info
The male chromosome of an Eastern European house mouse has infiltrated Western Europe, creating a hybrid strain of "supermice" with extra-high sperm counts.
Normally, hybridization, when two subspecies mate to produce offspring, results in decreased sperm strength in the offspring. But when the western mouse Mus musculus domesticus picks up a male, or Y, chromosome from the eastern mouse Mus musculus musculus, the result is a strain of mice with higher-than-normal sperm counts that now thrives in the Czech Republic and the Bavarian region of Germany.
The results have implications for understanding the causes of high and low sperm counts in men, said study researcher Stuart J.E. Baird, an evolutionary biologist at the University of Porto in Portugal.
"It seems likely the genetic variants which have been uncovered in nature by our work will be taken and bred into lab mice so that their precise effects can be teased apart under controlled conditions," Baird told LiveScience. He said he will soon be joining the Academy of Sciences of the Czech Republic to continue research on the hybrid mice.
Mixing and mating
Mus musculus domesticus and Mus musculus musculus are separate subspecies, but they retain the ability to interbreed, and have been doing so for at least 6,000 years. Hybriddomesticus-and-musculus mice are found in what's called the European House Mouse Hybrid Zone, a 12-mile-wide (20 kilometers) swath stretching from Norway to Bulgaria. This front of mouse hybridization is the biological equivalent of an atom smasher, Baird said: It throws two species together in natural conditions and allows scientists to watch what happens next.
In the Czech-Bavarian region of this zone, researchers have started spotting more and more male mice of the western domesticus species with the Y chromosome of the eastern musculus mouse. In other words, male domesticus mice, in mating with their eastern brethren, have produced offspring with the eastern male chromosome.
The genetic determination of sex in mice works the same way it does in humans: The female contributes an egg, which always contains one X chromosome. The male contributes sperm, which contains either an X or a Y. If two Xs meet, the result is a female with an XX genetic profile. If an X and a Y meet, it's a boy. [10 Wild Facts About the Male Body]
Strong hybrids
Baird and his colleagues trapped 212 mice in the Czech-Bavarian hybrid zone and tested their sperm motility and sperm count. They also genotyped the mice to see if they were Eastern, Western, or a hybrid of both.
The results revealed that western domesticus mice that had picked up an eastern musculus Y chromosome in the process of hybridization had higher sperm counts than either original subspecies. On average, the mice with the invasive Y chromosome had more than 6 million more sperm present than mice with the original Y.
"We showed how the eastern males' Y chromosome has crossed the front, replacing the Y chromosome in 'native' western mice," Baird said. "It could invade because western males carrying the invading Y have higher sperm counts."
The discovery explains an overall increase in sperm count in mice of this region, Baird added.
"One possibility is that this is just the first of a cascade of effects we will see as the barrier between the species is broken down," he said.
Studying the genetic differences in the Y chromosome that give rise to these variations in sperm count could help researchers understand the genetic roots behind low human sperm count, Baird added. It's an important question, given some anecdotal reports that men's sperm count is on the decline globally.
But the triumph of the mousy Y chromosome won't necessarily spread, Baird said. Different local populations may have genetic variations that make it harder for the invading Y to take hold.
"Our team and others are there to watch what happens," said Baird, who, along with his colleagues, reported the results today (Oct. 9) in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B. "The Y chromosome invasion is perhaps the most exciting finding yet — but what happens next for hybridization of the mice?"
Additional related articles
- Sexy Swimmers: 7 Facts About Sperm
- 6 (Other) Great Things Sex Can Do For You
- Top 10 Swingers of the Animal Kingdom
Click green for further information
Source:
Yahoo Science News
This article is for your private use, only
______________________________________________
STAF, Inc.'s comment to the "borrowed" article below:
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., D.D., STAF, Inc.'s CEO - Good info - some other important reasons are common among the divorced couples - you'll find them in this website. Also STAF, Inc.'s radio show DrDrCanYouHelpMe gives additional guidance (see blog: Radio/TV Shows in this website).
There is more STAF, Inc. guidance information below after the article.
________________________
5 Secrets to a Happy Marriage: Revealed by Divorce
Yahoo! News
This is for your private use, only
In 25 years of studying marriage, Dr. Terri Orbuch, research professor at the University of Michigan and author of the new book "Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship," has found that some of the best relationship advice comes from people who are actually divorced.
Click: WATCH: Is this the Most Epic Marriage Proposal?
In 1986, Orbuch embarked on a long-term study, supported by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), which followed the relationships of 373 newlyweds. By 2012, 46% had divorced, about the same as the national average. In interviews with Orbuch, people who had divorced or ended a serious relationship over and over again brought up the same five issues that they would improve if they had the chance to do it all again.
1. Money. Over the course of her research, one the biggest surprises for Orbuch was the role money played in marital strife. “Many divorced singles say that money was the number one source of conflict in the early years of marriage,” she tells Yahoo! Shine. She also found that, “6 out of 10 said they would not share living expenses in their next relationship.” She recommends that each partner evaluate their own approach to spending and saving money and discuss with their spouse early on. She says there is no one-size-fits-all-financial plan, but couples need to determine their own rules and adhere to them.
Click: Related: How much Wedding will $20,000 Buy?
2. Affection. Another surprise was that men crave affection—but not necessarily sex—more than women. “It’s counterintuitive,” says Orbuch, “but men crave feeling special and being noticed by their wives.” She adds that men who report not getting enough nonsexual affection were twice as likely to ask for a divorce, but the reverse was not true for women. “Women are fortunate. We get this kind of affirmation from more people in our lives, our mothers, children, our best friends”—so women tend to need less from husbands. She recommends carving out time for regular cuddling, kissing, hand holding, and saying “I love you.”
3. Blame. “When divorced couples found fault with their relationship using ‘we’ statements, they were significantly more likely to find love than those who used ‘I’ or ‘you’ statements.” Those who found blame in factors such as being incompatible or too young experienced less anxiety, insomnia, and depression than those who blamed their former partner or themselves for a break-up. Examine what went wrong in the relationship instead of assigning individual blame, suggests Orbuch, and think about how you can resolve conflict better next time.
4. Communication. Orbuch says a trap many couples fall into is “maintenance” rather than true communication. She suggests having a “10 minute rule” every day when you, “Talk to your partner about something other than work, the relationship, the house, or the children.” The key is revealing something about yourself and learning something about your spouse. “Forty-one percent of divorced people say they would change their communication style,” says Orbuch,“and, 91% of happily married couples say they know their partner intimately.”
5. Move on. Letting go of the past is a key to being in a happy relationship. This is true for people who are currently married as well as those seeking love. If you are irked by thoughts of your partner’s old boyfriend or girlfriend or of a fight that happened weeks ago, you might not be interacting in a healthy, positive way. “That animosity prevents you from being fully present,” says Orbuch. She also points out that people who felt neutral toward their ex were significantly more likely to find love after a divorce. If you can’t let go of your anger, her book outlines a number of exercises including writing a detailed letter to the person you are angry at—and burning it.
For more information on Dr. Orbuch or to ask her a question check out her website, The Love Doctor.
Click the topics below
Plane Towing Marriage Proposal Crashes
WATCH: Grandparents Offer Tips for a Long and Happy Marriage
John Hamm’s Relationship Advice for Teens Goes Viral
________________________________________________________
DO NOT GET DIVORCED: DO NOT GET DIVORCED:
DO NOT GET DIVORCED:
it will ruin your life,
your spouse's life and
your children lives
See info in this tab:
12 disasters happening to your children
if you get divorced
Work out your difficulties - it can always be done.
Learn to adapt the principles for a happy marriage - study and apply them together as a couple.
The reward: you will experience
A TRUE HEAVENLY HAPPINESS
in your marriage.
The principles for a truly happy marriage are in this website and in this tab and in our Radio Show DrDrCanYouHelpMe (see tab: TV/Radio Shows).
Contact STAF, Inc.'s professional Marriage Restorers™
-
STAF, Inc. will save your marriage and give you a new happiness.
In our private professional services STAF, Inc. gives you "a lifetime result guarantee with only one time fee" - no one else gives a similar guarantee anywhere. If you have new challenges in your marriage, for the rest of your life you get free help in based only on one-time fee.
In case you are religious and you respect The Bible, this is The Bible guidance: a possible divorce is allowed if there is fornication in your marriage - Jesus told us so. He did NOT say "it is a must to divorce if any fornication happens" - Jesus said also: "Forgive - otherwise your Heavenly Father will not forgive you your wrong doings".
Thus: forgive, always work out your challenges - they come to every marriage. A marriage is a holy matter given by God. No matter what the reason for your possible divorce thoughts, seek professional help - talk to your Pastor, seek help from our affiliate church, Global Church of God - GCG, professionals (GCG website: www.gcg1org.weebly.com) - there is always a positive solution to any earthly situation in our human life.
Also GCG's own Radio Show The Miracle Show gives marriage guidance based on the Biblical Principles
(see GCG's website www.gcg1org.weebly.com, tab: TV/Radio Shows).
________________________
DO NOT GET DIVORCED:
it will ruin your life,
your spouse's life and
your children lives
See info in this tab:
12 disasters happening to your children
if you get divorced
Work out your difficulties - it can always be done.
Learn to adapt the principles for a happy marriage - study and apply them together as a couple.
The reward: you will experience
A TRUE HEAVENLY HAPPINESS
in your marriage.
The principles for a truly happy marriage are in this website and in this tab and in our Radio Show DrDrCanYouHelpMe (see tab: TV/Radio Shows).
Contact STAF, Inc.'s professional Marriage Restorers™
-
STAF, Inc. will save your marriage and give you a new happiness.
In our private professional services STAF, Inc. gives you "a lifetime result guarantee with only one time fee" - no one else gives a similar guarantee anywhere. If you have new challenges in your marriage, for the rest of your life you get free help in based only on one-time fee.
In case you are religious and you respect The Bible, this is The Bible guidance: a possible divorce is allowed if there is fornication in your marriage - Jesus told us so. He did NOT say "it is a must to divorce if any fornication happens" - Jesus said also: "Forgive - otherwise your Heavenly Father will not forgive you your wrong doings".
Thus: forgive, always work out your challenges - they come to every marriage. A marriage is a holy matter given by God. No matter what the reason for your possible divorce thoughts, seek professional help - talk to your Pastor, seek help from our affiliate church, Global Church of God - GCG, professionals (GCG website: www.gcg1org.weebly.com) - there is always a positive solution to any earthly situation in our human life.
Also GCG's own Radio Show The Miracle Show gives marriage guidance based on the Biblical Principles
(see GCG's website www.gcg1org.weebly.com, tab: TV/Radio Shows).
________________________
THERE IS ONE LESS KNOWN REASON FOR DIVORCE THOUGHTS
S N O R I N G
By Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., D.D. - STAF, Inc. CEO
Snoring can be corrupting your health and your marriage. Snoring can shorten your life. Snoring can become deadly.
Three out of 10 couples are considering divorce because of snoring.
Do not get divorced
-
go together to a certified, qualified, licenced, experienced SLEEP DOCTOR
An official survey states 48 % of all people snore, 75 % are effected, when you add non-snoring husbands that have snoring wives or vice versa. Seek help for snoring from a sleep-specialty M.D. - save your marriage.
DO NOT GET DIVORCED - it would ruin your, your spouse's and your children lives. See for further information in this tab and in this website
Snoring is caused by slack muscles in the throat.
Click the link below, at the end of this article, to see more info for SNORING
A common complaint is that people feel they are not well rested in the morning. Snoring shortens REM sleep (REM = rapid eye movement) which is important for a healing sleep.
Click the link below, at the end of this article, to see more info for REM sleep
Healthy sleep is one of the most important keys to your good health and a long life and to a healthy, heavenly marriage.
Half of the U.S. population sleep to little.
The human growth hormone develops also in every adult during our sleep providing physical, emotional & mental health and is one key for a long life. Every adult should sleep soundly 7 - 8 hours a night.
Of the U.S. population 40 % report they sleep +/- 4 h/a night - is it a wonder we are the sickest nation among all the developed nations.
Of course, our widely wrong, unhealthy fast food and other processed food causes overweight & obesity and they cause about 95 % of the existing human diseases.
Sleep apnea is the more serious level of snoring and can literally kill a person during the sleep.
Click the link below, at the end of this article, to see more info for SLEEP APNEA
YOU CAN GET COMPETENT HELP FOR YOUR SLEEP CHALLENGES, SNORING & SLEEP APNEA.
When it comes to have a divorce based on snoring, there is a solution easily available.
DO NOT GET SEPARATED - DO NOT GET DIVORCED - CONTACT STAF (call 212-946-1234) - WE WILL HELP AND GIVE YOUR HEAVENLY MARRIAGE HAPPINESS BACK - WE'll GIVE YOU EVEN A STRONGER HEAVENLY HAPPINESS.
Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc., is a leading marriage happiness professional - his opinion is that using snoring as a reason for a divorce is NEVER necessary.
Instead address the topic peacefully with your spouse, no one else present (not your children present either).
Follow the steps below and you both save your marriage and build a stronger bond.
(1) First of all, discuss the topic openly in a loving manner - no blaming, no screaming, no finger pointing.
(2) Secondly go together to a specially trained sleep doctor to find help - help is available.
(3) Snoring certainly, it is not fiction, can cause anger and intolerance.
However, your love life and your marriage with heavenly happiness is more important.
Handle the situation (as every situation) in a calm, humanly civilized manner.
Open, honest discussion and agreeing before even mentioning the topic "I have something to talk about, my dear/honey (etc.) - will you, the love of my life, agree that we both will discuss this topic peacefully without blaming, raising our voices and no yelling - let's both maintain a loving attitude.
After the discussion, you both write the same statements on the paper, sign it and the other spouse witnesses your handwriting. You agree that if either one of you will fail on the agreement, the other spouse calmly and politely lifts up the agreement and reminds politely of what was agreed.
It will help both of you if you sit down next to each other while you discuss and hold your hands (agree on that before you start). Then discuss the snoring matter calmly and seek together for a solution.
Search for information together on the internet, study the medical doctors' ads in the local publications. Search the local sleep specialist doctors in the internet in your area. MAKE IMMEDIATELY or latest on the next business day a reservation for both of you, even for the non-snoring spouse, and meet a competent sleep doctor.
Nowadays the sleep medicine is its own specialty. Do not accept surgical operations before you have at least 3 - 4 sleep doctors' opinions.
When you both go together to a sleep doctor (even though only one spouse may be the snorer), the information helps both of you.
For the night time use earplugs, sleep (temporarily) in separate rooms - but: NEVER GET DIVORCED for a snoring reason, not for any other reason, either.
Every person who got married in the traditional manner*), will always regret the couple's separation 0r divorce.
Your children suffer of deadly (literally) difficulties - see the list in this tab in this same website (below) what the 12 terrible things are every child suffers if their parents separate or divorce.
*) traditional manner = you met, you dated, you both fell in love, someone proposed, you both started to plan your wedding, you had your wedding day - all this did cost money, take time and effort. The key is not "the time or the money" - it is that you both bothered to go through this many steps. That proves that you two had real love between the two of you. REAL LOVE NEVER DIES - even we might, in a heated emotion, think so.
THERE IS A SOLUTION TO SNORING - FIND COMPETENT HELP FROM A SPECIALIST, A SLEEP DOCTOR - IT IS IMPORTANT FOR THE SNORER'S OWN HEALTH AS WELL AS FOR HIS/HER SPOUSE & CHILDREN.
NEVER GIVE UP - NEVER GET SEPARATED or DIVORCED - YOU WILL REGRET IT - see the info in this tab.
All is here. Separation & divorce are deadly (literally) for both spouses and for their children. It lowers your financial health in addition to lowering your physical, emotional & mental health.
SEEK OUR HELP - STAF, Inc.'s specialists have new techniques and new methods to help you and your family.
STAF, INC. gives you and your family a new life.
Snoring can be corrupting your health and your marriage. Snoring can shorten your life. Snoring can become deadly.
Three out of 10 couples are considering divorce because of snoring.
Do not get divorced
-
go together to a certified, qualified, licenced, experienced SLEEP DOCTOR
An official survey states 48 % of all people snore, 75 % are effected, when you add non-snoring husbands that have snoring wives or vice versa. Seek help for snoring from a sleep-specialty M.D. - save your marriage.
DO NOT GET DIVORCED - it would ruin your, your spouse's and your children lives. See for further information in this tab and in this website
Snoring is caused by slack muscles in the throat.
Click the link below, at the end of this article, to see more info for SNORING
A common complaint is that people feel they are not well rested in the morning. Snoring shortens REM sleep (REM = rapid eye movement) which is important for a healing sleep.
Click the link below, at the end of this article, to see more info for REM sleep
Healthy sleep is one of the most important keys to your good health and a long life and to a healthy, heavenly marriage.
Half of the U.S. population sleep to little.
The human growth hormone develops also in every adult during our sleep providing physical, emotional & mental health and is one key for a long life. Every adult should sleep soundly 7 - 8 hours a night.
Of the U.S. population 40 % report they sleep +/- 4 h/a night - is it a wonder we are the sickest nation among all the developed nations.
Of course, our widely wrong, unhealthy fast food and other processed food causes overweight & obesity and they cause about 95 % of the existing human diseases.
Sleep apnea is the more serious level of snoring and can literally kill a person during the sleep.
Click the link below, at the end of this article, to see more info for SLEEP APNEA
YOU CAN GET COMPETENT HELP FOR YOUR SLEEP CHALLENGES, SNORING & SLEEP APNEA.
When it comes to have a divorce based on snoring, there is a solution easily available.
DO NOT GET SEPARATED - DO NOT GET DIVORCED - CONTACT STAF (call 212-946-1234) - WE WILL HELP AND GIVE YOUR HEAVENLY MARRIAGE HAPPINESS BACK - WE'll GIVE YOU EVEN A STRONGER HEAVENLY HAPPINESS.
Dr. Christian, STAF, Inc., is a leading marriage happiness professional - his opinion is that using snoring as a reason for a divorce is NEVER necessary.
Instead address the topic peacefully with your spouse, no one else present (not your children present either).
Follow the steps below and you both save your marriage and build a stronger bond.
(1) First of all, discuss the topic openly in a loving manner - no blaming, no screaming, no finger pointing.
(2) Secondly go together to a specially trained sleep doctor to find help - help is available.
(3) Snoring certainly, it is not fiction, can cause anger and intolerance.
However, your love life and your marriage with heavenly happiness is more important.
Handle the situation (as every situation) in a calm, humanly civilized manner.
Open, honest discussion and agreeing before even mentioning the topic "I have something to talk about, my dear/honey (etc.) - will you, the love of my life, agree that we both will discuss this topic peacefully without blaming, raising our voices and no yelling - let's both maintain a loving attitude.
After the discussion, you both write the same statements on the paper, sign it and the other spouse witnesses your handwriting. You agree that if either one of you will fail on the agreement, the other spouse calmly and politely lifts up the agreement and reminds politely of what was agreed.
It will help both of you if you sit down next to each other while you discuss and hold your hands (agree on that before you start). Then discuss the snoring matter calmly and seek together for a solution.
Search for information together on the internet, study the medical doctors' ads in the local publications. Search the local sleep specialist doctors in the internet in your area. MAKE IMMEDIATELY or latest on the next business day a reservation for both of you, even for the non-snoring spouse, and meet a competent sleep doctor.
Nowadays the sleep medicine is its own specialty. Do not accept surgical operations before you have at least 3 - 4 sleep doctors' opinions.
When you both go together to a sleep doctor (even though only one spouse may be the snorer), the information helps both of you.
For the night time use earplugs, sleep (temporarily) in separate rooms - but: NEVER GET DIVORCED for a snoring reason, not for any other reason, either.
Every person who got married in the traditional manner*), will always regret the couple's separation 0r divorce.
Your children suffer of deadly (literally) difficulties - see the list in this tab in this same website (below) what the 12 terrible things are every child suffers if their parents separate or divorce.
*) traditional manner = you met, you dated, you both fell in love, someone proposed, you both started to plan your wedding, you had your wedding day - all this did cost money, take time and effort. The key is not "the time or the money" - it is that you both bothered to go through this many steps. That proves that you two had real love between the two of you. REAL LOVE NEVER DIES - even we might, in a heated emotion, think so.
THERE IS A SOLUTION TO SNORING - FIND COMPETENT HELP FROM A SPECIALIST, A SLEEP DOCTOR - IT IS IMPORTANT FOR THE SNORER'S OWN HEALTH AS WELL AS FOR HIS/HER SPOUSE & CHILDREN.
NEVER GIVE UP - NEVER GET SEPARATED or DIVORCED - YOU WILL REGRET IT - see the info in this tab.
All is here. Separation & divorce are deadly (literally) for both spouses and for their children. It lowers your financial health in addition to lowering your physical, emotional & mental health.
SEEK OUR HELP - STAF, Inc.'s specialists have new techniques and new methods to help you and your family.
STAF, INC. gives you and your family a new life.
CLICK: Snoring - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snoring
Snoring is the vibration of respiratory structures and the resulting sound, due to obstructed air movement during breathing while sleeping. In some cases the ...
Causes - Impact - Prevalence - Diagnosis
CLICK: Rapid eye movement sleep - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapid_eye_movement_sleep
Rapid eye movement sleep (REM sleep) is a normal stage of sleep characterized by the rapid and random movement of the eyes. REM sleep is classified into ...
CLICK: Sleep apnea - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_apnea
Sleep apnoea is a sleep disorder characterized by abnormal pauses in breathing or instances of abnormally low breathing, during sleep. Each pause in ...
Obstructive - Central sleep apnea - Pulse oximetry - Snoring
____________________________________________________
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snoring
Snoring is the vibration of respiratory structures and the resulting sound, due to obstructed air movement during breathing while sleeping. In some cases the ...
Causes - Impact - Prevalence - Diagnosis
CLICK: Rapid eye movement sleep - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapid_eye_movement_sleep
Rapid eye movement sleep (REM sleep) is a normal stage of sleep characterized by the rapid and random movement of the eyes. REM sleep is classified into ...
CLICK: Sleep apnea - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_apnea
Sleep apnoea is a sleep disorder characterized by abnormal pauses in breathing or instances of abnormally low breathing, during sleep. Each pause in ...
Obstructive - Central sleep apnea - Pulse oximetry - Snoring
____________________________________________________
Is your partner’s snoring
becoming more than unbearable?
New FDA has approved solution for snoring and sleep apnea - however, go with your partner together
to a specialty- trained sleep doctor - it will save your happiness & health for both of you.
Let the specialty sleep doctor decide what is best for your situation.
Click green for further info
Sleep apnea and snoring are becoming more problematic and as we learn more about the health issues, the consequences are becoming more harmful.
Snoring and Sleep Apnea can become extremely detrimental to an individual’s health if not addressed.
Some of these dangers include:
Until now, the only FDA (= U.S. Food and Drug Administration) approved solution for sleep apnea and snoring was the CPAP = continuous positive airway , a treatment that uses mild air pressure to keep the airways open. Although the CPAP reduces sleep apnea and snoring, they are extremely uncomfortable and only 40% of users can tolerate them.
Now the FDA has approved the Aerican Sleep Association oral appliance to eliminate or reduce sleep apnea and snoring. This oral appliance readjusts the position of your lower jaw forward, opening the back of your throat thus reducing the symptoms of sleep apnea and snoring.
You’re probably wondering how this oral appliance helps. In normal sleep , air enters your mouth and nose freely flowing to your lungs, heart, brain and other vital organs. However, if you have sleep apnea or snore, the muscles in the back of your throat collapse while you sleep thus obstructing air flow to your lungs. The oral appliance repositions your lower jaw forward clearing your air passage allowing air to freely flow to your lungs thus eliminating the cause of sleep apnea and snoring and their dangerous side effects.
Although sleep apnea and snoring can be both irritating and dangerous; now it’s easy to resolve! American Sleep Association’s board certified doctors and dentists will fit you with a custom oral appliance, all from the comfort of your own home. Simply receive your American Sleep Association Kit, take an impression of your teeth with the supplied product, mail it to their dentists in the prepaid envelope, and your custom appliance will be back to you within a week. As an FDA approved product, the Department of Health has reported that 80 percent of current CPAP users prefer the American Sleep Association’s oral appliance over CPAPs. If that’s not enough, over 100 universities have clinically proven that the oral appliance helps to reduce or eliminate sleep apnea.
Qualify today to receive your oral appliance at www.AmericanSleepAssociation.com. If you qualify, your medical insurance or Medicare will pay for the FDA approved oral appliance so you only have to pay $4.95 for the cost of shipping and any deductible. Try it today, and remember what a good night’s sleep feels like once again.
__________
*) CPAP = continuous positive airway: CPAP treatment involves a CPAP machine, which has three main parts:
(1) A mask or other device that fits over your nose or your nose and mouth. Straps keep the mask in place while you're wearing it. (2) A tube that connects the mask to the machine's motor. (3) A motor that blows air into the tube.
Click green above for further info
_______________________________________
becoming more than unbearable?
New FDA has approved solution for snoring and sleep apnea - however, go with your partner together
to a specialty- trained sleep doctor - it will save your happiness & health for both of you.
Let the specialty sleep doctor decide what is best for your situation.
Click green for further info
Sleep apnea and snoring are becoming more problematic and as we learn more about the health issues, the consequences are becoming more harmful.
Snoring and Sleep Apnea can become extremely detrimental to an individual’s health if not addressed.
Some of these dangers include:
- diabetes
- increase in blood sugar
- hypertension
- heart disease
- depression
- premature death
Until now, the only FDA (= U.S. Food and Drug Administration) approved solution for sleep apnea and snoring was the CPAP = continuous positive airway , a treatment that uses mild air pressure to keep the airways open. Although the CPAP reduces sleep apnea and snoring, they are extremely uncomfortable and only 40% of users can tolerate them.
Now the FDA has approved the Aerican Sleep Association oral appliance to eliminate or reduce sleep apnea and snoring. This oral appliance readjusts the position of your lower jaw forward, opening the back of your throat thus reducing the symptoms of sleep apnea and snoring.
You’re probably wondering how this oral appliance helps. In normal sleep , air enters your mouth and nose freely flowing to your lungs, heart, brain and other vital organs. However, if you have sleep apnea or snore, the muscles in the back of your throat collapse while you sleep thus obstructing air flow to your lungs. The oral appliance repositions your lower jaw forward clearing your air passage allowing air to freely flow to your lungs thus eliminating the cause of sleep apnea and snoring and their dangerous side effects.
Although sleep apnea and snoring can be both irritating and dangerous; now it’s easy to resolve! American Sleep Association’s board certified doctors and dentists will fit you with a custom oral appliance, all from the comfort of your own home. Simply receive your American Sleep Association Kit, take an impression of your teeth with the supplied product, mail it to their dentists in the prepaid envelope, and your custom appliance will be back to you within a week. As an FDA approved product, the Department of Health has reported that 80 percent of current CPAP users prefer the American Sleep Association’s oral appliance over CPAPs. If that’s not enough, over 100 universities have clinically proven that the oral appliance helps to reduce or eliminate sleep apnea.
Qualify today to receive your oral appliance at www.AmericanSleepAssociation.com. If you qualify, your medical insurance or Medicare will pay for the FDA approved oral appliance so you only have to pay $4.95 for the cost of shipping and any deductible. Try it today, and remember what a good night’s sleep feels like once again.
__________
*) CPAP = continuous positive airway: CPAP treatment involves a CPAP machine, which has three main parts:
(1) A mask or other device that fits over your nose or your nose and mouth. Straps keep the mask in place while you're wearing it. (2) A tube that connects the mask to the machine's motor. (3) A motor that blows air into the tube.
Click green above for further info
_______________________________________
In STAF, Inc.'s scale 0-10 this article is 9+ Important information about sleep
Rethinking Sleep
Source:
September 23, 2012 - NYT
By DAVID K. RANDALL
Click the green links for further information
SOMETIME in the dark stretch of the night it happens. Perhaps it’s the chime of an incoming text message. Or your iPhone screen lights up to alert you to a new e-mail. Or you find yourself staring at the ceiling, replaying the day in your head. Next thing you know, you’re out of bed and engaged with the world, once again ignoring the often quoted fact that eight straight hours of sleep is essential.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Thanks in part to technology and its constant pinging and chiming, roughly 41 million people in the United States — nearly a third of all working adults — get six hours or fewer of sleep a night, according to a recent report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. And sleep deprivation is an affliction that crosses economic lines. About 42 percent of workers in the mining industry are sleep-deprived, while about 27 percent of financial or insurance industry workers share the same complaint.
Typically, mention of our ever increasing sleeplessness is followed by calls for earlier bedtimes and a longer night’s sleep. But this directive may be part of the problem. Rather than helping us to get more rest, the tyranny of the eight-hour block reinforces a narrow conception of sleep and how we should approach it. Some of the time we spend tossing and turning may even result from misconceptions about sleep and our bodily needs: in fact neither our bodies nor our brains are built for the roughly one-third of our lives that we spend in bed.
The idea that we should sleep in eight-hour chunks is relatively recent. The world’s population sleeps in various and surprising ways. Millions of Chinese workers continue to put their heads on their desks for a nap of an hour or so after lunch, for example, and daytime napping is common from India to Spain.
One of the first signs that the emphasis on a straight eight-hour sleep had outlived its usefulness arose in the early 1990s, thanks to a history professor at Virginia Tech named A. Roger Ekirch, who spent hours investigating the history of the night and began to notice strange references to sleep. A character in the “Canterbury Tales,” for instance, decides to go back to bed after her “firste sleep.” A doctor in England wrote that the time between the “first sleep” and the “second sleep” was the best time for study and reflection. And one 16th-century French physician concluded that laborers were able to conceive more children because they waited until after their “first sleep” to make love. Professor Ekirch soon learned that he wasn’t the only one who was on to the historical existence of alternate sleep cycles. In a fluke of history, Thomas A. Wehr, a psychiatrist then working at the National Institute of Mental Health in Bethesda, Md., was conducting an experiment in which subjects were deprived of artificial light. Without the illumination and distraction from light bulbs, televisions or computers, the subjects slept through the night, at least at first. But, after a while, Dr. Wehr noticed that subjects began to wake up a little after midnight, lie awake for a couple of hours, and then drift back to sleep again, in the same pattern of segmented sleep that Professor Ekirch saw referenced in historical records and early works of literature.
It seemed that, given a chance to be free of modern life, the body would naturally settle into a split sleep schedule. Subjects grew to like experiencing nighttime in a new way. Once they broke their conception of what form sleep should come in, they looked forward to the time in the middle of the night as a chance for deep thinking of all kinds, whether in the form of self-reflection, getting a jump on the next day or amorous activity. Most of us, however, do not treat middle-of-the-night awakenings as a sign of a normal, functioning brain.
Doctors who peddle sleep aid products and call for more sleep may unintentionally reinforce the idea that there is something wrong or off-kilter about interrupted sleep cycles. Sleep anxiety is a common result: we know we should be getting a good night’s rest but imagine we are doing something wrong if we awaken in the middle of the night. Related worries turn many of us into insomniacs and incite many to reach for sleeping pills or sleep aids, which reinforces a cycle that the Harvard psychologist Daniel M. Wegner has called “the ironic processes of mental control.”
As we lie in our beds thinking about the sleep we’re not getting, we diminish the chances of enjoying a peaceful night’s rest.
This, despite the fact that a number of recent studies suggest that any deep sleep — whether in an eight-hour block or a 30-minute nap — primes our brains to function at a higher level, letting us come up with better ideas, find solutions to puzzles more quickly, identify patterns faster and recall information more accurately. In a NASA-financed study, for example, a team of researchers led by David F. Dinges, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, found that letting subjects nap for as little as 24 minutes improved their cognitive performance.
In another study conducted by Simon Durrant, a professor at the University of Lincoln, in England, the amount of time a subject spent in deep sleep during a nap predicted his or her later performance at recalling a short burst of melodic tones. And researchers at the City University of New York found that short naps helped subjects identify more literal and figurative connections between objects than those who simply stayed awake.
Robert Stickgold, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, proposes that sleep — including short naps that include deep sleep — offers our brains the chance to decide what new information to keep and what to toss. That could be one reason our dreams are laden with strange plots and characters, a result of the brain’s trying to find connections between what it’s recently learned and what is stored in our long-term memory. Rapid eye movement sleep — so named because researchers who discovered this sleep stage were astonished to see the fluttering eyelids of sleeping subjects — is the only phase of sleep during which the brain is as active as it is when we are fully conscious, and seems to offer our brains the best chance to come up with new ideas and hone recently acquired skills. When we awaken, our minds are often better able to make connections that were hidden in the jumble of information.
Gradual acceptance of the notion that sequential sleep hours are not essential for high-level job performance has led to increased workplace tolerance for napping and other alternate daily schedules.
Employees at Google, for instance, are offered the chance to nap at work because the company believes it may increase productivity. Thomas Balkin, the head of the department of behavioral biology at the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research, imagines a near future in which military commanders can know how much total sleep an individual soldier has had over a 24-hour time frame thanks to wristwatch-size sleep monitors. After consulting computer models that predict how decision-making abilities decline with fatigue, a soldier could then be ordered to take a nap to prepare for an approaching mission. The cognitive benefit of a nap could last anywhere from one to three hours, depending on what stage of sleep a person reaches before awakening.
Most of us are not fortunate enough to work in office environments that permit, much less smile upon, on-the-job napping. But there are increasing suggestions that greater tolerance for altered sleep schedules might be in our collective interest. Researchers have observed, for example, that long-haul pilots who sleep during flights perform better when maneuvering aircraft through the critical stages of descent and landing.
Several Major League Baseball teams have adapted to the demands of a long season by changing their sleep patterns. Fernando Montes, the former strength and conditioning coach for the Texas Rangers, counseled his players to fall asleep with the curtains in their hotel rooms open so that they would naturally wake up at sunrise no matter what time zone they were in — even if it meant cutting into an eight-hour sleeping block. Once they arrived at the ballpark, Montes would set up a quiet area where they could sleep before the game. Players said that, thanks to this schedule, they felt great both physically and mentally over the long haul.
Strategic napping in the Rangers style could benefit us all. No one argues that sleep is not essential. But freeing ourselves from needlessly rigid and quite possibly outdated ideas about what constitutes a good night’s sleep might help put many of us to rest, in a healthy and productive, if not eight-hour long, block.
David K. Randall is a senior reporter at Reuters
and the author of “Dreamland: Adventures in the Strange Science of Sleep.”
Click the green links for further information
This article is for your private use, only
_______________________________________
A comment to the Buffalo News article below "Couple to remarry almost 50 years after divorce"
by STAF, Inc. President, Dr. Chrstian von Christophers, Ph.D, N.D., D.D.
The article below shows that when a couple gets married in a traditional manner, they have true love between them. True love NEVER dies - never. Traditional manner means: meet, date, fall in love, someone proposes, engagement ring is given, wedding plans start, and wedding day.
This took some time, sometimes couple of years. It does not matter how long or how short the time was - the principle is the same. It took a lot of effort and cost quite much money.
If there was no true love between the couple, they would never have bothered investing this much their time, effort and money.
When challenges come, and they come to every marriage, the solution is not to run away and get divorced - everyone would suffer, including both spouses and their children. The solution is to work out the challenges - then the marriage always gets better and happier. The more serious and the more challenging the reason for the divorce thought is, the better and happier the marriage will become after the problem(s) have been worked out.
In your healed marriage you both can and will experience the Heavenly Happiness.
Source: The Buffalo News
This is for your private use, only
Couple to remarry almost 50 years after divorce
Never doubt the power of second chances. A couple, Lena Henderson and Roland Davis of West Seneca, New York, who divorced in 1964, are remarrying almost 50 years later.
According to a story in the Buffalo News, the two married as teenagers in Chattanooga, Tenn., and had four children. But even after the pair divorced 20 years later, they stayed friendly and kept in touch.
Davis remarried and moved to Colorado. Their youngest daughter, Renita Chadwick, noted to the Buffalo News, "The way they would act to each other never indicated there was anything but a friendship between them. My mother never had a harsh or contrary word to say about my dad, and my dad never had anything but loving remarks to make about my mother."
When Davis' second wife died, Henderson and their oldest daughter worried about him being alone, and urged him to move back to New York. Davis decided he wanted to do more than move. He popped the question to his ex-wife over the phone. "'Will you marry me again?" He asked. She answered, "Well, well, yes."
The 85-year-olds will tie the knot for a second time on August 4. Davis told the newspaper, "I always thought it might happen. It was always in the back of my mind. We're just thankful that we could get back together."
Their second chance at romance is capturing the hearts of people around them. When the two showed up at City Hall to get their marriage license, they were met by cheering office workers.
The wedding will be filled with four generations of their family. The bride will wear blue. The groom will wear a tuxedo.
Davis told UPI, "You don't think people are going to get married at this age. We're just thankful we've lived this long and that we're still here. We have a lot to be thankful for."
__________________________________
This is for your private use, only
Couple to remarry almost 50 years after divorce
Never doubt the power of second chances. A couple, Lena Henderson and Roland Davis of West Seneca, New York, who divorced in 1964, are remarrying almost 50 years later.
According to a story in the Buffalo News, the two married as teenagers in Chattanooga, Tenn., and had four children. But even after the pair divorced 20 years later, they stayed friendly and kept in touch.
Davis remarried and moved to Colorado. Their youngest daughter, Renita Chadwick, noted to the Buffalo News, "The way they would act to each other never indicated there was anything but a friendship between them. My mother never had a harsh or contrary word to say about my dad, and my dad never had anything but loving remarks to make about my mother."
When Davis' second wife died, Henderson and their oldest daughter worried about him being alone, and urged him to move back to New York. Davis decided he wanted to do more than move. He popped the question to his ex-wife over the phone. "'Will you marry me again?" He asked. She answered, "Well, well, yes."
The 85-year-olds will tie the knot for a second time on August 4. Davis told the newspaper, "I always thought it might happen. It was always in the back of my mind. We're just thankful that we could get back together."
Their second chance at romance is capturing the hearts of people around them. When the two showed up at City Hall to get their marriage license, they were met by cheering office workers.
The wedding will be filled with four generations of their family. The bride will wear blue. The groom will wear a tuxedo.
Davis told UPI, "You don't think people are going to get married at this age. We're just thankful we've lived this long and that we're still here. We have a lot to be thankful for."
__________________________________
July 8, 2012 * This article shows that a good marriage helps in life
Source: The New York Times, Sunday Review
This article is only for your personal use
Why Conservatives Are Happier Than Liberals
By ARTHUR C. BROOKS
WHO is happier about life — liberals or conservatives? The answer might seem straightforward. After all, there is an entire academic literature in the social sciences dedicated to showing conservatives as naturally authoritarian, dogmatic, intolerant of ambiguity, fearful of threat and loss, low in self-esteem and uncomfortable with complex modes of thinking. And it was the candidate Barack Obama in 2008 who infamously labeled blue-collar voters “bitter,” as they “cling to guns or religion.” Obviously, liberals must be happier, right?
Wrong. Scholars on both the left and right have studied this question extensively, and have reached a consensus that it is conservatives who possess the happiness edge. Many data sets show this. For example, the Pew Research Center in 2006 reported that conservative Republicans were 68 percent more likely than liberal Democrats to say they were “very happy” about their lives. This pattern has persisted for decades. The question isn’t whether this is true, but why.
Many conservatives favor an explanation focusing on lifestyle differences, such as marriage and faith. They note that most conservatives are married; most liberals are not. (The percentages are 53 percent to 33 percent, according to my calculations using data from the 2004 General Social Survey, and almost none of the gap is due to the fact that liberals tend to be younger than conservatives.) Marriage and happiness go together. If two people are demographically the same but one is married and the other is not, the married person will be 18 percentage points more likely to say he or she is very happy than the unmarried person.
The story on religion is much the same. According to the Social Capital Community Benchmark Survey, conservatives who practice a faith outnumber religious liberals in America nearly four to one. And the link to happiness? You guessed it. Religious participants are nearly twice as likely to say they are very happy about their lives as are secularists (43 percent to 23 percent). The differences don’t depend on education, race, sex or age; the happiness difference exists even when you account for income.
Whether religion and marriage should make people happy is a question you have to answer for yourself. But consider this: Fifty-two percent of married, religious, politically conservative people (with kids) are very happy — versus only 14 percent of single, secular, liberal people without kids.
An explanation for the happiness gap more congenial to liberals is that conservatives are simply inattentive to the misery of others. If they recognized the injustice in the world, they wouldn’t be so cheerful. In the words of Jaime Napier and John Jost, New York University psychologists, in the journal Psychological Science, “Liberals may be less happy than conservatives because they are less ideologically prepared to rationalize (or explain away) the degree of inequality in society.” The academic parlance for this is “system justification.”
The data show that conservatives do indeed see the free enterprise system in a sunnier light than liberals do, believing in each American’s ability to get ahead on the basis of achievement. Liberals are more likely to see people as victims of circumstance and oppression, and doubt whether individuals can climb without governmental help. My own analysis using 2005 survey data from Syracuse University shows that about 90 percent of conservatives agree that “While people may begin with different opportunities, hard work and perseverance can usually overcome those disadvantages.” Liberals — even upper-income liberals — are a third less likely to say this.
So conservatives are ignorant, and ignorance is bliss, right? Not so fast, according to a study from the University of Florida psychologists Barry Schlenker and John Chambers and the University of Toronto psychologist Bonnie Le in the Journal of Research in Personality. These scholars note that liberals define fairness and an improved society in terms of greater economic equality. Liberals then condemn the happiness of conservatives, because conservatives are relatively untroubled by a problem that, it turns out, their political counterparts defined.
Imagine the opposite. Say liberals were the happy ones. Conservatives might charge that it is only because liberals are unperturbed by the social welfare state’s monstrous threat to economic liberty. Liberals would justifiably dismiss this argument as solipsistic and silly.
There is one other noteworthy political happiness gap that has gotten less scholarly attention than conservatives versus liberals: moderates versus extremists.
Political moderates must be happier than extremists, it always seemed to me. After all, extremists actually advertise their misery with strident bumper stickers that say things like, “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention!”
But it turns out that’s wrong. People at the extremes are happier than political moderates. Correcting for income, education, age, race, family situation and religion, the happiest Americans are those who say they are either “extremely conservative” (48 percent very happy) or “extremely liberal” (35 percent). Everyone else is less happy, with the nadir at dead-center “moderate” (26 percent).
What explains this odd pattern? One possibility is that extremists have the whole world figured out, and sorted into good guys and bad guys. They have the security of knowing what’s wrong, and whom to fight. They are the happy warriors.
Whatever the explanation, the implications are striking. The Occupy Wall Street protesters may have looked like a miserable mess. In truth, they were probably happier than the moderates making fun of them from the offices above. And none, it seems, are happier than the Tea Partiers, many of whom cling to guns and faith with great tenacity. Which some moderately liberal readers of this newspaper might find quite depressing.
Arthur C. Brooks is the president of the American Enterprise Institute and the author of “The Road to Freedom” and “Gross National Happiness.”
_________________________________
Source: The New York Times, Sunday Review
This article is only for your personal use
Why Conservatives Are Happier Than Liberals
By ARTHUR C. BROOKS
WHO is happier about life — liberals or conservatives? The answer might seem straightforward. After all, there is an entire academic literature in the social sciences dedicated to showing conservatives as naturally authoritarian, dogmatic, intolerant of ambiguity, fearful of threat and loss, low in self-esteem and uncomfortable with complex modes of thinking. And it was the candidate Barack Obama in 2008 who infamously labeled blue-collar voters “bitter,” as they “cling to guns or religion.” Obviously, liberals must be happier, right?
Wrong. Scholars on both the left and right have studied this question extensively, and have reached a consensus that it is conservatives who possess the happiness edge. Many data sets show this. For example, the Pew Research Center in 2006 reported that conservative Republicans were 68 percent more likely than liberal Democrats to say they were “very happy” about their lives. This pattern has persisted for decades. The question isn’t whether this is true, but why.
Many conservatives favor an explanation focusing on lifestyle differences, such as marriage and faith. They note that most conservatives are married; most liberals are not. (The percentages are 53 percent to 33 percent, according to my calculations using data from the 2004 General Social Survey, and almost none of the gap is due to the fact that liberals tend to be younger than conservatives.) Marriage and happiness go together. If two people are demographically the same but one is married and the other is not, the married person will be 18 percentage points more likely to say he or she is very happy than the unmarried person.
The story on religion is much the same. According to the Social Capital Community Benchmark Survey, conservatives who practice a faith outnumber religious liberals in America nearly four to one. And the link to happiness? You guessed it. Religious participants are nearly twice as likely to say they are very happy about their lives as are secularists (43 percent to 23 percent). The differences don’t depend on education, race, sex or age; the happiness difference exists even when you account for income.
Whether religion and marriage should make people happy is a question you have to answer for yourself. But consider this: Fifty-two percent of married, religious, politically conservative people (with kids) are very happy — versus only 14 percent of single, secular, liberal people without kids.
An explanation for the happiness gap more congenial to liberals is that conservatives are simply inattentive to the misery of others. If they recognized the injustice in the world, they wouldn’t be so cheerful. In the words of Jaime Napier and John Jost, New York University psychologists, in the journal Psychological Science, “Liberals may be less happy than conservatives because they are less ideologically prepared to rationalize (or explain away) the degree of inequality in society.” The academic parlance for this is “system justification.”
The data show that conservatives do indeed see the free enterprise system in a sunnier light than liberals do, believing in each American’s ability to get ahead on the basis of achievement. Liberals are more likely to see people as victims of circumstance and oppression, and doubt whether individuals can climb without governmental help. My own analysis using 2005 survey data from Syracuse University shows that about 90 percent of conservatives agree that “While people may begin with different opportunities, hard work and perseverance can usually overcome those disadvantages.” Liberals — even upper-income liberals — are a third less likely to say this.
So conservatives are ignorant, and ignorance is bliss, right? Not so fast, according to a study from the University of Florida psychologists Barry Schlenker and John Chambers and the University of Toronto psychologist Bonnie Le in the Journal of Research in Personality. These scholars note that liberals define fairness and an improved society in terms of greater economic equality. Liberals then condemn the happiness of conservatives, because conservatives are relatively untroubled by a problem that, it turns out, their political counterparts defined.
Imagine the opposite. Say liberals were the happy ones. Conservatives might charge that it is only because liberals are unperturbed by the social welfare state’s monstrous threat to economic liberty. Liberals would justifiably dismiss this argument as solipsistic and silly.
There is one other noteworthy political happiness gap that has gotten less scholarly attention than conservatives versus liberals: moderates versus extremists.
Political moderates must be happier than extremists, it always seemed to me. After all, extremists actually advertise their misery with strident bumper stickers that say things like, “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention!”
But it turns out that’s wrong. People at the extremes are happier than political moderates. Correcting for income, education, age, race, family situation and religion, the happiest Americans are those who say they are either “extremely conservative” (48 percent very happy) or “extremely liberal” (35 percent). Everyone else is less happy, with the nadir at dead-center “moderate” (26 percent).
What explains this odd pattern? One possibility is that extremists have the whole world figured out, and sorted into good guys and bad guys. They have the security of knowing what’s wrong, and whom to fight. They are the happy warriors.
Whatever the explanation, the implications are striking. The Occupy Wall Street protesters may have looked like a miserable mess. In truth, they were probably happier than the moderates making fun of them from the offices above. And none, it seems, are happier than the Tea Partiers, many of whom cling to guns and faith with great tenacity. Which some moderately liberal readers of this newspaper might find quite depressing.
Arthur C. Brooks is the president of the American Enterprise Institute and the author of “The Road to Freedom” and “Gross National Happiness.”
_________________________________
Other International Family News
London News
The British Royal Couple Gets STAF, Inc.'s Invitation,
see this article on HOME page
The President of Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,
Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., D.D., will personally be available to guide the British Royal Couple to a lasting love relationship and to a happy marriage that will hold and not fall apart. STAF, Inc. will, with its advanced Successological™ Technology guide the young Royal Couple to experience "Heavenly Happiness & Marital Bliss - HH & MB™" in their marriage.
See the whole article on the HOME page.
____________
Recent Discussions
- Getting married benefits you physically and mentally -
The statistics on what tying the knot can do for your health are remarkable.
According to research, being married can significantly improve both emotional and physical health.
We get married for many reasons: to share our triumphs, our failures, and our lives with someone else. We crave connection with others, and what better way to achieve that than through marriage and living happily ever?
As an added bonus, marriage may offer more than making us happier people — tying the knot can improve our health and our longevity.
Healthy Relationship: Key to a Longer Life
Can getting married actually help you live longer? Yes, according to Scott Haltzman, MD, clinical assistant professor in the department of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University in Providence, R.I., and author of The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of Connection and Contentment.
“Ninety percent of married women who were alive at age 45 make it to 65, vs. slightly more than 80 percent of divorced and never-married women,” says Dr. Haltzman. “Mortality rates are 50 percent higher for unmarried women.”
The results are even more remarkable in men. Men who were alive at 48 years old also had a 90 percent chance of reaching age 65 if they were married, but only a 60 to 70 percent chance if they were single — that’s a 250 percent higher mortality rate.
Healthy Relationship: Good Physical Health
According to research, being married can significantly improve your health. “The health benefits of marriage are so strong that a married man with heart disease can be expected to live, on average, 1,400 days [nearly four years] longer than an unmarried man with a healthy heart,” says Haltzman. “This longer life expectancy is even longer for a married man who has cancer or is 20 pounds overweight compared to his healthy but unmarried counterpart. The advantages for women are similar.”
Other highlights of the health benefits of tying the knot include:
· A married man who smokes more than a pack a day can expect to live as long as a divorced man who doesn’t smoke.
· Unmarried people spend twice as much time in hospitals as married people.
· Cancer cures are 8 to 17 percent more successful when a patient is married; research showed being married was comparable to being in an age category 10 years younger.
Healthy Relationship: Good Mental Health
As goes the body, so goes the mind. “Marital status was the most important factor for predicting depression,” says Haltzman. “Rates of major depression were nine times higher in unmarried men.” Depression, and in particular dysphoria — a feeling of anxiety, depression, and unease — were also higher in single women compared to married women.
Other statistics include:
· Divorce or marital separation more than doubles the risk of suicide in both men and cause similar consequences in women
· Tying the knot results in a decreased risk for substance abuse. Married men and women drink less alcohol and use less marijuana and cocaine than those who are not married.
· Divorced men are more likely to smoke, while married men are likely to quit.
· Seventy percent of chronic drinkers were divorced or separated, while only 15 percent were married.
There’s no doubt that marriage requires give and take and good communication, but ultimately the benefits of companionship can keep you healthier, both physically and mentally, than going it on your own.
__________________________________________
Your pet adds immeasurably
to the quality of your and your family's life
If you own a dog, there’s nothing to compare with the greeting you receive from your pup when you come through the
door at the end of a long day. There’s something about a pair of warm, soulful eyes at one end and an eagerly wagging tail at the other that lifts your spirits and makes the day’s burdens disappear in an instant.
If you’re owned by a cat, you sense all is right with the world when your purring furball curls into your lap for the evening. As you stroke your kitty’s soft coat, a feeling of contentment settles over you.
A Pet Improves Your Marriage, Your Children, Your Health & Happiness
A study research study revealed that married couples with pets felt more satisfied with their unions than couples without companion animals. Click: study to see the facts
For newly married young people who both enjoy animals, it’s commonplace to acquire a pet – or several. Through caring for their furry “children,” newlyweds are able to gain insight into how each partner deals with responsibility, illness, sharing and jealousy.
Pets are known to reduce the inevitable stress between partners in a marriage, and also encourage social interaction with
others.
Other ways a companion animal can enhance your marriage:
Pets are attentive - Pets provide physical touch - Your dog or cat can comfort you or your spouse during times of disappointment or loss - Your pet accepts you unconditionally and is not judgmental - Having a pet around can trigger positive memories - Dogs and cats are full of cute and funny behaviors that can increase the joy and laughter in your home.
Kids and Pets
Studies show that children who are attached to their pets tend to function better emotionally. Your child’s self-esteem is enhanced by owning a pet.
Helping to care for the family pet teaches children how to nurture a dependent creature. And the positive feedback your child receives from you for caring for a pet helps him to feel competent and responsible.
When a child interacts with a pet that is totally dependent on its owners, she learns to understand the needs and feelings of animals, which naturally translates over time to a desire to understand the needs and feelings of people. This is how your youngster learns compassion and empathy for other living things.
Your child’s pet also provides an important form of social and emotional support. Whereas social feedback given by humans can feel critical and threatening, the nonjudgmental support offered by a beloved pet makes your child feel unconditionally accepted.
Family pets can also facilitate teaching your children about important life events like birth and death. Helping your child to understand and express feelings of sadness and loss when a pet dies or is euthanized can influence how he copes with the experience of death throughout his life.
______________________________________________
As its own special section, at the end of this tab, plenty of
Pet & pet care information
because: pets are helpful in many ways
(as the article next up showed) :
(1) PETS improve our marriage happiness - research proves this as a fact
(2) PETS improve our children's development & success
(3) Pets improve our and our family members' physical, emotional & mental health - "a 4-legged hard-working "Family Doctor" working with natural principles without any negative side effects - at a low cost without any formal service fee and no bill",
(4) Pets protect & save lives
(5) Pets give much happiness to us human
The pet section provides detailed info about the multitudes of benefits the pets give us and also how to correctly feed and otherwise take care of your pet in a manner that maintains your pet's health and gives a long, happy life to your pet
I know it comes as no surprise to pet owners to read that your beloved companion animal adds immeasurably to the quality of your life.
______________________________________________
Has Your Family Been a Blessing?
Quote
"The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children after them."
The Bible: Proverbs 20:7
For Christian Faith Family: God celebrates family
A heritage of blessings
What better motivations exist for us to be people of integrity than that our children will be blessed for it!
Parents who are godly, who live with integrity and truthfulness, are wonderful examples to their children. Granted, this does not always guarantee that children will turn out perfectly, but children will nevertheless receive a great blessing from having such parents.
So what does it mean to "walk with integrity"? It means that "walk the talk." In other words, plenty of people know the right thing to do, but when the right time comes, they don't do it. They know they should tell the truth, for example, but if telling the truth will hurt, they opt for a lie instead. Children learn best from models they see and hear, but if they learn to bend the truth whenever needed, they set themselves up for problems in life. But if they learn to follow God and walk their faith, then they will have been greatly blessed.
WISE WAYS: Are you willing to walk with integrity in front of your children or those over whom you have influence? What kinds of blessings will they have from following your example?
Today, Lord, help me walk with integrity so as to be a good example to others.
Source: Adapted from The One Year® Book of Proverbs by Neil S. Wilson, Tyndale House Publishers (2002), entry for February 20
Quote
Happy families… own a surface similarity of good cheer. For one thing, they like each other, which is quite a different thing from loving. For another, they have, almost always, one entirely personal treasure—a sort of purseful of domestic humor which they have accumulated against rainy days. This humor is not necessarily witty. The jokes may be incomprehensible to outsiders, and the laughter springs from the most trivial of sources. But the jokes and the laughter belong entirely to the family. - PHYLLIS McGINLEY
_______________________________
A TIME-HONORED MARRIAGE VOW
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE
“To have and hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.”
Keep your vow – it is the most important vow in your life. You break your own life, your spouse’s life, your children’s life. Keep it – and the real blessings will come and stay. Every marriage runs into trouble – because no one teaches us how to be married before we enter this most important relationship for you, for your family, and for our nation.
Listen to the Radio Show DrDrCanYouHelpMe dated 11/3/10. The shows are hosted by Dr. Christian, President STAF, Inc. There are two shows that same day – listen to both of them. Your family needs both. Have your children listening to it also – they keep you committed to solve any difficulty. The show DrDrCanYouHelpMe dated 11/3/10 recording is available 24/7 on the internet – make a CD and listen again and again during your commuting. The direct link to the show is on this same website in the tab Radio/TV Shows or go to:www.blogtalkradio.com/lazzeolive and find the recording date on the home age or in the archives, November 2010. Once a week a new recording is made available based on the recent show.
Health, Wealth, Success, Family Life, Marriage, Investments, and other topics - topic of the show: LIFE
_______________________________
Added Benefits
Earn free College and CEU credits by listening to the Radio Show DrDrCanYouHelpMe Hosted by Dr. Christian, President STAF, Inc.
– YOU NEED TO REGISTER AS “ACHIEVER OF FREE CREDIT UNITS” – they never expire – register today
In the internet generation era most people have 2 – 5 different careers during their lifetime– most likely you also – the laws will change, our social security will be less and shorter, our retirement age will get higher, education for your probably new profession is a must; you might go back to College after 5, 10, 15, or perhaps after 50 years. A GREAT benefit from STAF, Inc., as our Radio Show website info indicates, YOU WILL GET, AS THE SHOW LISTENER, FREE CE, COLLEGE-UNIVERSITY CREDITS that never expire. To get the credits and save and keep them for any possible future use any time, you must register with STAF. Inc. When you register as the achiever of the free CE/College/University credits, you will (1) get a personal ID and (2) the related info how to get and keep forever these valuable credits. A wise decision is to register today – you most likely need the free credits sooner or later. The credits never expire. Email or call 212-946-1234 to request info how to register. Email: [email protected] Register today – you need this option for your future. The free credits never expire, they are valid nationwide and worldwide in any country.
DrDrCanYouHelpMe
Show link: www.blogtalkradio.com/lazzeolive
_______________________________________________________________________________________
London News
The British Royal Couple Gets STAF, Inc.'s Invitation,
see this article on HOME page
The President of Save The American Family - STAF, Inc.,
Dr. Christian von Christophers, Ph.D., N.D., D.D., will personally be available to guide the British Royal Couple to a lasting love relationship and to a happy marriage that will hold and not fall apart. STAF, Inc. will, with its advanced Successological™ Technology guide the young Royal Couple to experience "Heavenly Happiness & Marital Bliss - HH & MB™" in their marriage.
See the whole article on the HOME page.
____________
Recent Discussions
- Why Remarry? (click topic)- The New York Times, Nearly two of three second marriages end in divorce, and cohabitation is increasingly accepted. Why make a relationship official
- A Book (click leads to Amazon books for details): Out of Harms Way - by Jack Thompson, an outraged father and activist lawyer, is on a mission to protect children from the violent and obscene video games, music lyrics, shock jock radio shows, and television programs he says are creating a culture of violence and degradation. Going beyond outrage, Thompson chronicles his own spiritual journey from bystander to activist and offers the sociological, medical, scientific, and legal evidence that will motivate all Americans — especially parents — to get involved. _________________________________________
- Getting married benefits you physically and mentally -
The statistics on what tying the knot can do for your health are remarkable.
According to research, being married can significantly improve both emotional and physical health.
We get married for many reasons: to share our triumphs, our failures, and our lives with someone else. We crave connection with others, and what better way to achieve that than through marriage and living happily ever?
As an added bonus, marriage may offer more than making us happier people — tying the knot can improve our health and our longevity.
Healthy Relationship: Key to a Longer Life
Can getting married actually help you live longer? Yes, according to Scott Haltzman, MD, clinical assistant professor in the department of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University in Providence, R.I., and author of The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of Connection and Contentment.
“Ninety percent of married women who were alive at age 45 make it to 65, vs. slightly more than 80 percent of divorced and never-married women,” says Dr. Haltzman. “Mortality rates are 50 percent higher for unmarried women.”
The results are even more remarkable in men. Men who were alive at 48 years old also had a 90 percent chance of reaching age 65 if they were married, but only a 60 to 70 percent chance if they were single — that’s a 250 percent higher mortality rate.
Healthy Relationship: Good Physical Health
According to research, being married can significantly improve your health. “The health benefits of marriage are so strong that a married man with heart disease can be expected to live, on average, 1,400 days [nearly four years] longer than an unmarried man with a healthy heart,” says Haltzman. “This longer life expectancy is even longer for a married man who has cancer or is 20 pounds overweight compared to his healthy but unmarried counterpart. The advantages for women are similar.”
Other highlights of the health benefits of tying the knot include:
· A married man who smokes more than a pack a day can expect to live as long as a divorced man who doesn’t smoke.
· Unmarried people spend twice as much time in hospitals as married people.
· Cancer cures are 8 to 17 percent more successful when a patient is married; research showed being married was comparable to being in an age category 10 years younger.
Healthy Relationship: Good Mental Health
As goes the body, so goes the mind. “Marital status was the most important factor for predicting depression,” says Haltzman. “Rates of major depression were nine times higher in unmarried men.” Depression, and in particular dysphoria — a feeling of anxiety, depression, and unease — were also higher in single women compared to married women.
Other statistics include:
· Divorce or marital separation more than doubles the risk of suicide in both men and cause similar consequences in women
· Tying the knot results in a decreased risk for substance abuse. Married men and women drink less alcohol and use less marijuana and cocaine than those who are not married.
· Divorced men are more likely to smoke, while married men are likely to quit.
· Seventy percent of chronic drinkers were divorced or separated, while only 15 percent were married.
There’s no doubt that marriage requires give and take and good communication, but ultimately the benefits of companionship can keep you healthier, both physically and mentally, than going it on your own.
__________________________________________
Your pet adds immeasurably
to the quality of your and your family's life
If you own a dog, there’s nothing to compare with the greeting you receive from your pup when you come through the
door at the end of a long day. There’s something about a pair of warm, soulful eyes at one end and an eagerly wagging tail at the other that lifts your spirits and makes the day’s burdens disappear in an instant.
If you’re owned by a cat, you sense all is right with the world when your purring furball curls into your lap for the evening. As you stroke your kitty’s soft coat, a feeling of contentment settles over you.
A Pet Improves Your Marriage, Your Children, Your Health & Happiness
A study research study revealed that married couples with pets felt more satisfied with their unions than couples without companion animals. Click: study to see the facts
For newly married young people who both enjoy animals, it’s commonplace to acquire a pet – or several. Through caring for their furry “children,” newlyweds are able to gain insight into how each partner deals with responsibility, illness, sharing and jealousy.
Pets are known to reduce the inevitable stress between partners in a marriage, and also encourage social interaction with
others.
Other ways a companion animal can enhance your marriage:
Pets are attentive - Pets provide physical touch - Your dog or cat can comfort you or your spouse during times of disappointment or loss - Your pet accepts you unconditionally and is not judgmental - Having a pet around can trigger positive memories - Dogs and cats are full of cute and funny behaviors that can increase the joy and laughter in your home.
Kids and Pets
Studies show that children who are attached to their pets tend to function better emotionally. Your child’s self-esteem is enhanced by owning a pet.
Helping to care for the family pet teaches children how to nurture a dependent creature. And the positive feedback your child receives from you for caring for a pet helps him to feel competent and responsible.
When a child interacts with a pet that is totally dependent on its owners, she learns to understand the needs and feelings of animals, which naturally translates over time to a desire to understand the needs and feelings of people. This is how your youngster learns compassion and empathy for other living things.
Your child’s pet also provides an important form of social and emotional support. Whereas social feedback given by humans can feel critical and threatening, the nonjudgmental support offered by a beloved pet makes your child feel unconditionally accepted.
Family pets can also facilitate teaching your children about important life events like birth and death. Helping your child to understand and express feelings of sadness and loss when a pet dies or is euthanized can influence how he copes with the experience of death throughout his life.
______________________________________________
As its own special section, at the end of this tab, plenty of
Pet & pet care information
because: pets are helpful in many ways
(as the article next up showed) :
(1) PETS improve our marriage happiness - research proves this as a fact
(2) PETS improve our children's development & success
(3) Pets improve our and our family members' physical, emotional & mental health - "a 4-legged hard-working "Family Doctor" working with natural principles without any negative side effects - at a low cost without any formal service fee and no bill",
(4) Pets protect & save lives
(5) Pets give much happiness to us human
The pet section provides detailed info about the multitudes of benefits the pets give us and also how to correctly feed and otherwise take care of your pet in a manner that maintains your pet's health and gives a long, happy life to your pet
I know it comes as no surprise to pet owners to read that your beloved companion animal adds immeasurably to the quality of your life.
______________________________________________
Has Your Family Been a Blessing?
Quote
"The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children after them."
The Bible: Proverbs 20:7
For Christian Faith Family: God celebrates family
A heritage of blessings
What better motivations exist for us to be people of integrity than that our children will be blessed for it!
Parents who are godly, who live with integrity and truthfulness, are wonderful examples to their children. Granted, this does not always guarantee that children will turn out perfectly, but children will nevertheless receive a great blessing from having such parents.
So what does it mean to "walk with integrity"? It means that "walk the talk." In other words, plenty of people know the right thing to do, but when the right time comes, they don't do it. They know they should tell the truth, for example, but if telling the truth will hurt, they opt for a lie instead. Children learn best from models they see and hear, but if they learn to bend the truth whenever needed, they set themselves up for problems in life. But if they learn to follow God and walk their faith, then they will have been greatly blessed.
WISE WAYS: Are you willing to walk with integrity in front of your children or those over whom you have influence? What kinds of blessings will they have from following your example?
Today, Lord, help me walk with integrity so as to be a good example to others.
Source: Adapted from The One Year® Book of Proverbs by Neil S. Wilson, Tyndale House Publishers (2002), entry for February 20
Quote
Happy families… own a surface similarity of good cheer. For one thing, they like each other, which is quite a different thing from loving. For another, they have, almost always, one entirely personal treasure—a sort of purseful of domestic humor which they have accumulated against rainy days. This humor is not necessarily witty. The jokes may be incomprehensible to outsiders, and the laughter springs from the most trivial of sources. But the jokes and the laughter belong entirely to the family. - PHYLLIS McGINLEY
_______________________________
A TIME-HONORED MARRIAGE VOW
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE
“To have and hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.”
Keep your vow – it is the most important vow in your life. You break your own life, your spouse’s life, your children’s life. Keep it – and the real blessings will come and stay. Every marriage runs into trouble – because no one teaches us how to be married before we enter this most important relationship for you, for your family, and for our nation.
Listen to the Radio Show DrDrCanYouHelpMe dated 11/3/10. The shows are hosted by Dr. Christian, President STAF, Inc. There are two shows that same day – listen to both of them. Your family needs both. Have your children listening to it also – they keep you committed to solve any difficulty. The show DrDrCanYouHelpMe dated 11/3/10 recording is available 24/7 on the internet – make a CD and listen again and again during your commuting. The direct link to the show is on this same website in the tab Radio/TV Shows or go to:www.blogtalkradio.com/lazzeolive and find the recording date on the home age or in the archives, November 2010. Once a week a new recording is made available based on the recent show.
Health, Wealth, Success, Family Life, Marriage, Investments, and other topics - topic of the show: LIFE
_______________________________
Added Benefits
Earn free College and CEU credits by listening to the Radio Show DrDrCanYouHelpMe Hosted by Dr. Christian, President STAF, Inc.
– YOU NEED TO REGISTER AS “ACHIEVER OF FREE CREDIT UNITS” – they never expire – register today
In the internet generation era most people have 2 – 5 different careers during their lifetime– most likely you also – the laws will change, our social security will be less and shorter, our retirement age will get higher, education for your probably new profession is a must; you might go back to College after 5, 10, 15, or perhaps after 50 years. A GREAT benefit from STAF, Inc., as our Radio Show website info indicates, YOU WILL GET, AS THE SHOW LISTENER, FREE CE, COLLEGE-UNIVERSITY CREDITS that never expire. To get the credits and save and keep them for any possible future use any time, you must register with STAF. Inc. When you register as the achiever of the free CE/College/University credits, you will (1) get a personal ID and (2) the related info how to get and keep forever these valuable credits. A wise decision is to register today – you most likely need the free credits sooner or later. The credits never expire. Email or call 212-946-1234 to request info how to register. Email: [email protected] Register today – you need this option for your future. The free credits never expire, they are valid nationwide and worldwide in any country.
DrDrCanYouHelpMe
Show link: www.blogtalkradio.com/lazzeolive
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5 signs you're too close to your dog
Written by one of STAF, Inc.'s donators who emailed this story to STAF, Inc.
First of all, let me say that I am not convinced that it is possible to be too close to your dog.
Of course, I work from home and spends virtually every hour with Max the Foxhound, so we are pretty close. Most dog owners have a unique bond with their dogs, and I think many would agree that their relationships depend on closeness. Those outside that dog-master relationship may see things a little differently. Take a look at a few signs that may indicate to others that you and your dog are too close.
You are never out of your dog's sight. If your dog cannot let you out of his sight when you are together, you may be too close. My dog drifts from room to room with me throughout the day. When I'm working, he is watching me from across the room. When I make dinner, he is either in the kitchen with me or watches me from the dining room. When I put the girls to bed, he follows. He does not seem to have separation anxiety in my absence, but he certainly attaches himself to me when I am home.
You have fallen over your dog more than twice in the past day. I have tripped over Max four times so far today. Being in his sight does not necessarily mean that he is in my sight. If you tumble backward over your dog more than a couple of times a day, you may be overly bonded.
You use your dog to corroborate a story. If you have ever uttered the words, "But, my dog saw it, too," you may have taken your dog-master relationship to a new level. I have used both my dog and one of my cats to back up unusual stories or events. My husband especially enjoyed the time I heard an unexplained noise while home alone, and I immediately announced that Gina the Cat had heard it, too. I am probably a little too close to my dog and my cats.
You know whether your dog's trip outside requires a pet waste bag. If you can tell by your dog's behavior if the pooper scooper is necessary during your walk, you may be a little too in-tune to his needs. I get the occasional perplexed look when I ask my daughter or my husband to run Max outside and tell them that he requires a waste bag. I am rarely wrong about these things. I may be a little too close to my dog.
You share a special language with your dog. My dog flips over his food bowl and places a paw on it at dinnertime. He also holds up one paw to beg for something that he wants, whether it is food or a trip to the potty. Perhaps your dog offers a little backtalk or sass when you tell him to wait or ignore his distinctive signals. Sharing a unique language is probably a clear sign that you are a little too close to your dog, but it is also one of my favorite parts about my relationship with my dog.
_________________________________________________________________
Why Does My Dog . . .
Eat His Food Away from His Bowl, not next to it?
It can be a peculiar sight: After you put food in your dog's bowl, he takes a mouthful, walks across the room, drops it onto your carpet and then munches away. And he repeats this curious ritual until his chow is all gone.
It doesn't seem like an efficient way to eat - not to mention that he's getting crumbs on your rug.
So what gives?
Possible Reasons Behind the Curious Mealtime Behavior
The answer to this propensity lies in two words: pack mentality.
*) propensity = an inclination or natural tendency to behave in a particular way
When dogs in the wild make a kill, the outranked**) animals drag pieces of food away so they don't have to fight the leader or a more dominant canine for it, says Dr. Julie Albright, MA, DVM, DACVB, an assistant professor of veterinary behavior at the University of Tennessee College of Veterinary Medicine.
**) outranked = Have a higher rank than (someone else); Be better, more important, or more significant than...Fighting is obviously very risky, so most animals, especially subordinate ones, will go to great lengths to avoid an altercation***)," says Dr. Albright.
***) altercation = a noisy argument or disagreement, quarrel - wrangle - contention - dispute - squabble
More scientific & historical background info relating to this topic:
It the same atavistic reason when every do "covers" his poop with his hid legs (= stratches the ground no matter what material the ground (natural sanitary reason which we did not know as a sanitary issue in our human life, e.g. in all wars, still in the 1910's and 1940's more soldiers died because the human bowel movements were not covers with dirt. The Bible tells to dig a hole and cover the human elimination with dirt. The unpracticed sanitary laws were the reason in 1300's & 1400's when in Europe 50 % of the population died (garbage was thrown allover, also on the street were people, pets & other animals walked and eliminated. The Jewish people did not get sick and die because (1) they lived in their own communities and practiced the Biblical sanitary laws. Then the rest of the population (whose members died) started blaming the Jews, calling the witches and stating that the Jews were causing the curse. The Jews were also hated because they were richer than the rest of the population - the Jews were richer & healthier because they followed the Biblical laws including the laws how to become and stay rich. That is the starting point for the reason to persecute all Jews which was e.g. Mr. Hitler's habit and has continued up to our modern days.
See Also: Why Does My Dog... Always Seem Hungry?
Although the competition in your house may not even be real - particularly if you only have one dog - it's his evolutionary instinct taking over.
Another possibility: If you use a metal bowl, the noise of the food moving around in the dish or even his collar tags hitting the side can be frightening or annoying, notes Dr. Albright, so he may be taking the kibble away from the trigger of the sound.
How to Put the Kibosh on This Kibble RitualIf you want to curb this unusual eating behavior, Dr. Albright suggests swapping metal bowls for plastic versions or paper plates to rule out issues with noise.
"If the dog still takes the food away, find a more secluded or confined area for him to eat," she says. "And if there are other dogs in the house, separate them at feeding time to allow for privacy, so there's no threat of competition - either real or imagined."
More on Vetstreet.com:
* 12 Most Talkative Dog Breeds
* Why Does My Dog... Scoot His Butt on the Floor?
* 15 Quietest Dog Breeds
* Why Does My Dog... Roll Around in Stinky Stuff?
Click green for further info
Source: vetstreet.com | Pets
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Mom's Advanced Age Doesn't Hurt Kids Later in Life
By MyHealthNewsDaily Staff | LiveScience.com
This is for your personal use, only
Contrary to current thinking, children of older mothers do not appear to be at increased risk ofdiseases later in life, according to a new study.
The results show people born to women 35 to 44 years old were no less healthy in their 40s and 50s than those whose mothers were 25 to 34 when giving birth.
In fact, the study found those born to younger mothers ? ages 20-24 ?were at a greater risk of diseases than those born to women ages 25-34.
The biggest factors that the research linked to the eventual health of children were the mother's education level and the number of years she lived after giving birth to them.
While it is still true that higher maternal age brings a greater risk of miscarriage and conditions such as Trisomy 21, "with respect to adult age, early births appear to be more dangerous for children than late ones," said study researcher Mikko Myrskylä of the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Germany. [See Best Age to Raise Kids? Older Parents Say 30s.]
Myrskylä and colleagues analyzed information from 18,000 U.S. children and their mothers.
On first look, children born to mothers over 35 did appear less healthy as adults than those born to 25- to 34-year-old moms. Over the 10-year study, the children of older moms were more likely to be obese or die. They also rated their overall health as lower, on average.
However, after the researchers took into account the mother’s education and date of death, people born to moms older than 35 were no more likely to be unhealthy than those of 25- to 34-year-old moms. In other words, the negative effect of advanced maternal age vanished, the researchers said.
However, people born to women ages 20-24 suffered from 5 percent more diseases than those born to mothers ages 25-34, the researchers said. The value is even higher — approximately 15 percent — for those born to mothers ages 14-19.
The finding that a mom's date of death has a bearing on her children's health could be due to the psychological effects of losing a mother, the researchers said. With increasing life expectancy, the risk of losing a mother at a young age most probably is no longer critical for most children born today, the researchers said.
The study was published online Aug. 28 in the journal Demography.
Pass it on: A mother's advanced age does not appear to affect her child's health as an adult.
Follow MyHealthNewsDaily on Twitter @MyHealth_MHND. We're also on Facebook & Google+.
_____________________________________________
By MyHealthNewsDaily Staff | LiveScience.com
This is for your personal use, only
Contrary to current thinking, children of older mothers do not appear to be at increased risk ofdiseases later in life, according to a new study.
The results show people born to women 35 to 44 years old were no less healthy in their 40s and 50s than those whose mothers were 25 to 34 when giving birth.
In fact, the study found those born to younger mothers ? ages 20-24 ?were at a greater risk of diseases than those born to women ages 25-34.
The biggest factors that the research linked to the eventual health of children were the mother's education level and the number of years she lived after giving birth to them.
While it is still true that higher maternal age brings a greater risk of miscarriage and conditions such as Trisomy 21, "with respect to adult age, early births appear to be more dangerous for children than late ones," said study researcher Mikko Myrskylä of the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Germany. [See Best Age to Raise Kids? Older Parents Say 30s.]
Myrskylä and colleagues analyzed information from 18,000 U.S. children and their mothers.
On first look, children born to mothers over 35 did appear less healthy as adults than those born to 25- to 34-year-old moms. Over the 10-year study, the children of older moms were more likely to be obese or die. They also rated their overall health as lower, on average.
However, after the researchers took into account the mother’s education and date of death, people born to moms older than 35 were no more likely to be unhealthy than those of 25- to 34-year-old moms. In other words, the negative effect of advanced maternal age vanished, the researchers said.
However, people born to women ages 20-24 suffered from 5 percent more diseases than those born to mothers ages 25-34, the researchers said. The value is even higher — approximately 15 percent — for those born to mothers ages 14-19.
The finding that a mom's date of death has a bearing on her children's health could be due to the psychological effects of losing a mother, the researchers said. With increasing life expectancy, the risk of losing a mother at a young age most probably is no longer critical for most children born today, the researchers said.
The study was published online Aug. 28 in the journal Demography.
Pass it on: A mother's advanced age does not appear to affect her child's health as an adult.
Follow MyHealthNewsDaily on Twitter @MyHealth_MHND. We're also on Facebook & Google+.
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__________________________________
Privacy in your marriage
Please realize how the U.S. laws are
In other countries: find out from your lawyer or from the government legal guidance office.
Avoid always any wrong doing. This link will show you one case in the U.S. Study the article and have your spouse also studying it.
(click: Husband in Hot Water: Man Faces Five Years in Prison for ...Husband in Hot Water: Man Faces Five Years in Prison for Snooping Through Wife's E-Mails
The same law would apply to other forms of communication, including a letter addressed to your spouse ________________________________
Privacy in your marriage
Please realize how the U.S. laws are
In other countries: find out from your lawyer or from the government legal guidance office.
Avoid always any wrong doing. This link will show you one case in the U.S. Study the article and have your spouse also studying it.
(click: Husband in Hot Water: Man Faces Five Years in Prison for ...Husband in Hot Water: Man Faces Five Years in Prison for Snooping Through Wife's E-Mails
The same law would apply to other forms of communication, including a letter addressed to your spouse ________________________________
- Any child may develop anti-social, personality
- in a divorce situation
- Is that what you want ? You can avoid it
- A divorce is in 99 % of cases wrong and unnecessary - a divorce destroys both spouse and destroys the children - these are facts not fiction.
- For any thought for a divorce ALWAYS contact STAF, Inc. specialists to avoid your life's biggest disasters.
- STAF, Inc. is the nationwide and worldwide leader in all family related matters. Contact information tab: home, at the beginning - email is the best way for an initial contact.
Although the precise cause of antisocial personality disorder isn't known, certain factors seem to increase the risk of developing or triggering antisocial personality disorder, including:
- Being diagnosed with childhood conduct disorder
- A family history of antisocial personality disorder or other personality disorders or mental illness
- Being subjected to verbal, physical or sexual abuse during childhood
- Having an unstable or chaotic family life during childhood
- Loss of parents through death or traumatic divorce during childhood
- Being diagnosed with childhood conduct disorder
- A family history of antisocial personality disorder or other personality disorders or mental illness
- Being subjected to verbal, physical or sexual abuse during childhood
- Having an unstable or chaotic family life during childhood
- Loss of parents through death or traumatic divorce during childhood ________________________________________________________________________________
How to save the American Family
STAF, INC.
Phone: (212) 946-1234
email: [email protected]
The American Family must be SAVED, the parents and the children must be SAVED, the union of marriage and family must be kept SACRED, for the healthier the family, the healthier and wealthier our Country and its whole Society in the future.
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., New York City, NY
Support STAF’s work:
volunteer, donate 1-888-DO-IT-123 (= 364-8123)
________________________
The Mission of STAF:
Dept. of broken families & children & parents
THE LIFE-DESTROYING DISASTERS HAPPENING TO CHILDREN
WHEN
GROWING UP IN ONE-PARENT FAMILY
Scientific fact list *)
Life-destroying disasters happening to the couple and children in separation
The scientific facts when a child grows up without the biological father
is a list of real dangers. Life-destroying dangers.
*)Facts list based on official, published sources
_________________
12 disasters your child
is facing
in a divorce
or in a separation
12 disasters your child is facing in a divorce or a separation
Are you willing to risk your child falling in the disasters listed below
? ? ?
A CHILD GROWING UP IN A
SINGLE-PARENT
FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY WITHOUT
A FATHER
(1) Faces overall increased risks to health and
welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral
disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and
drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) seriously increased risk of having a stroke
during his/her life time.
For # 12 risk see a detailed article below
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the disasters listed above
?
Above in this same tab study an important, extensive article titled
SOCIOPATH
The information will show you the reason why a divorce destroys the spouses and the children _________________________________________
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the disasters listed
above and below ?
Children of Divorce
Face Twice
the Lifetime Risk of Stroke
Study
According to new research, children of divorce have
more than double the lifetime risk
for experiencing a stroke
than those whose parents stay married during their childhood
Children of divorce appear to have more than double the lifetime risk for experiencing a stroke compared with those whose parents' marriage stays intact during their childhood, new research suggests.
The finding stems from a survey of more than 13,000 Canadians, about 10 percent of whom had experienced parental divorce when they were young children or adolescents.
"I certainly don't want this to be taken to mean that children from divorced households are condemned to have strokes," said study author Dr. Esme Fuller-Thomson, a professor and Sandra Rotman Chair in the faculties of social work, medicine and nursing at the University of Toronto.
"This is just one factor among many that may increase stroke risk," she noted. "And we don't know that it's causal, in the sense that divorce leads to a stroke. It could be that many other things are at work here that are related to divorce, but are not divorce itself. We just don't know yet."
Fuller-Thomson is slated to present her team's findings Monday at the Gerontological Society of America's annual meeting in New Orleans.
To explore the question, the authors sifted through data that had initially been collected in 2005 by Statistics Canada, the Canadian equivalent of the U.S. Census Bureau.
The current study focused on survey participants from two Canadian provinces, Manitoba and Saskatchewan.
Nearly 1,400 of the 13,000 respondents had experienced parental divorce, and just fewer than 2 percent (248) said they had experienced a stroke at some point.
The research team looked into a wide range of potentially influential factors, including age, race, gender, socioeconomic background, educational background, adult mental health history, childhood physical abuse history, long-term parental unemployment, lifestyle issues (such as obesity, and smoking and drinking behaviors), and diabetes history.
Ultimately, the researchers determined none of these variables explained the bottom-line finding: that children of divorce seem to bear an approximately 2.2 times higher risk for lifetime stroke.
"This needs to be replicated several times to make sure there really is this relationship," cautioned Fuller-Thomson. "But if this holds up, one possible explanation is that adverse child experiences may become physically embedded in the way you react to stresses later on in life, particularly in terms of dysfunctions in cortisol levels, which is what's involved in the fight-or-flight mechanism. It's possible. But that's just a hypothesis at this point," she added.
"But the other important thing to note is that even if divorce is proved to cause stroke, many of these people who we looked at who are having stroke are now in their 60s, 70s and 80s," she noted. "That means they experienced divorce in the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s, when the consequences and context for divorce were quite different. So we can't take their experience and project into the future, since it's very different to be a child of divorce today. So this is novel and interesting, but people really should not go into panic mode over it."
Meanwhile, Dr. Kirk Garratt, clinical director of interventional cardiovascular research at Lenox Hill Hospital within the North Shore-Long Island Jewish Systems in New York City, agreed that it is premature to draw any conclusions based on the finding.
"But it certainly stimulates a discussion, because we would want to understand what actual mechanisms underpin this, particularly since divorce itself is probably not a modifiable risk factor. Meaning, you're not going to tell people they can't divorce because they're going to give their child a stroke," he explained.
"So what's worth looking at is not the socially charged issue of divorce itself," Garratt said, "but rather what is the unique social trauma that might come along with divorce that perhaps alters something physiologically in children of divorce. And that could prove to give some direction to studies of stress, and how stress can cause real physical harm."
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the listed disasters
?
_____________________________________
Recapturing Romance
After Kids Come Along
It can be difficult to find much time for romance and sex after you have kids. Learn how to put your marriage back at the top of your priorities list. Is something missing from your relationship? Sex and romance often get put on the back burner as the years go by — especially after the kids come along.
Parents say that having kids will turn your life upside down, but you can’t fully grasp that concept until they actually arrive. And once you go from being a couple to being a family, you may find that romance and sex become scarce. However, with a little effort, you can rekindle the romantic flame in your marriage, even after you have kids.
Romance and Sex: Make Your Relationship a Priority
Many people mistakenly prioritize their lives in this order: kids, career, and then each other, says Norma Feshbach, PhD, professor emerita at the Graduate School of Education and Information Studies at the University of California, Los Angeles.
Instead, you should make your relationship a top priority, which will not only benefit you, but your kids, too. "Just like you have to make an effort for your career and your children, you really have to make time for each other," says Feshbach. When you can, do little things, like cooking a candlelit dinner for your partner, to set the scene for a romantic night.
Regan Putnicki, 32, mother of a 1-year-old son, says she and her husband make an effort to sneak in "couple time" when they can. "In the evenings, we'll have 30 minutes or one hour after [our son] goes to sleep, and we'll make a date to watch a TV show," she says.
Romance and Sex: Don't Take Each Other for Granted
Many couples fall into a rut and forget to appreciate each other. Remember to thank your partner when he or she does something nice, and your relationship will grow stronger. Putnicki, a hospital sales representative, says that her husband pitches in where he can around the house. "You have to be appreciative of those little things and not always harp on what they don’t do," she suggests.
Something else to appreciate: the importance of sex in your relationship. "[Sex] is very critical because it is both physically rewarding and emotionally connective," says Feshbach, who advises couples to talk to a doctor if they're having physical problems with sex.
Romance and Sex: Seek Support
Feshbach says that finding other parents in your community can help enhance your relationship with your partner. "I think all parents should be part of a parent group," says Feshbach. Connecting with other people who are or have been in your same situation will reassure you that you aren’t the only couple facing challenges.
If you are having guilt about leaving a new baby or even an older child home, go a little easier on yourself. It’s okay to go out from time to time. Taking off a few hours from your parenting role by having a date night is important for your relationship, according to Feshbach. Enlist a babysitter, friend, or relative to watch the kids and head out for an evening of romance.
If you find that you are having difficulty reconnecting with your partner, you may want to consider seeing a therapist who specializes in relationships. Getting perspective from someone outside your marriage can give you new ideas for putting the spark back into your love life. Psychotherapy can also be helpful for non-physical problems in the bedroom.
Kids are one of life's greatest joys, but it is important not to let parenting get in the way of your marriage. By nurturing your romantic relationship with your partner and making time for intimacy, you will find yourself much more physically and emotionally fulfilled.
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The family
is the most important foundation
in YOUR life and in our society
Yet that sacred foundation of our society is treated too lightly by couples, by Courts, by public, by professionals etc.
WRONG. The lawmakers MUST wake up to see the reasons for high crime rates, drug use, violence in schools and everywhere: it is in the foundation – how the family functions.
How many hours do we get education in our schools
for (1) relationships, (2) marriages, (3) child raising, (4) health, (5) life challenges?
You know how many: -0- hours or close to -0-. STAF’s education makes the difference in our society.
No one else does what STAF does and in the way STAF does its work. STAF is totally different from any other organization.
Broken families create BIGGER miseriesand DEEPER suffering to the parents and to their children than the public or the Courts commonly know.
___________________________________________
Risks for the couple:
a separation or a divorce shortens the
couple’s lives and makes both of them
sicker emotionally, mentally,
and physically
A FACT: A divorce shortens the couple’s lives
and makes both of them much sicker emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Guilt and stress are the underlying reasons.
All that costs much and creates enormous burden to our society. The children are our future. When the children create mental and emotional problems, as they ALWAYS do in a broken family, it is the most expensive issue in our society and makes the whole society suffer. STAF’s statement is this: To destroy the innocent children’s lives by the couple’s egoistic attitudes (and not work out marriage issues through therapy and loving, deeper communication) is the biggest crime there is, it is similar to a murder, because the innocent, precious children face 5 (five) times bigger likelihood to commit suicide in a single-parent family (especially when the father is missing) and will face several other life-destroying calamities, e.g. 20 times more likely to end up in prison, 32 times more likely to run away, land on the streets as homeless, and get involved in drugs & crimes
(for more facts, and to understand the truth, see the enclosed list and STAF’s founding document, page 1, (d), (5), (iii) ).
Every child in a broken, one-parent family loses (not maybe, but for sure - loses!) his chances to mentally best and physically healthy life and suffers more or less forever. To destroy a child’s mind and thus his future life is more than WRONG, it is like a planned murder – especially BECAUSE IT CAN EASILY BE AVOIDED. In order to save the marriage happiness (it CAN be done in the traditional-manner marriages), and to save the innocent children’s lives and their future, the couple
MUST go to marriage counseling, start honest, effective, open-minded communication, learn to forgive, stop blaming, learn positive attitudes, learn techniques for appreciation, accept that none of us is perfect and understand that EVERY HAPPY, SUCCESSFUL LOVE RELATIONSHIP NEEDS WORK, EFFORT, AND CORRECT KNOWLEDGE (not fiction, not myths).
STAF, Inc. will restore your marriage with new methods.
- GUARANTEED -
STAF, Inc. gives you a lifetime result guarantee with only one time fee. No one else anywhere gives a similar guarantee.
Call 212-946-1234 or 1-888- DIAL-DR-1 (= 342-5371) – leave your question and contact information and we call you back or send us an email to: [email protected]
The crime rates go up related to the divorce rates and misery, suffering, sicknesses and costs catapult endlessly and spirals into many other problems, drug use, suicides, violence, murders, and endless list of other crimes.
A FACT: Every marriage undertaken in the traditional manner can be saved
The couple’s family reunion saves the children’s, and the couple’s mental, emotional and even physical health, and brings enormous economical savings to the family and thus to the whole society. STAF’s work saves lives, promotes all this knowledge, and creates huge savings to the families and to our whole country.
A FACT: After their reunion the couple is happier than ever and the marriage lasts forever, the children are the real winners, and at the final end: everyone wins because the whole society benefits in a huge manner.
Experience the HEAVENLY HAPPINESS by healing your marriage.
STAF’s mission is to stop the MEDIEVAL attitude regarding separation and divorce.
STAF is doing this work totally in a new way, using the latest science knowledge and the most powerful personal development techniques in the world. No other organization in the USA is committed to have as wide range of areas and activities as STAF has.
Eight (8) of these devastating, LIFE-DESTROYING disasters happen to EVERY child, all 10 in about 45 % of cases. The separate lists are at the beginning of this text.
The public, the Lawmakers, and the Courts have no idea about these facts. That is why educating all these parties is the most important issue for our whole society. As a result of STAF’s work of education, lives are saved, crime rates go down, drug use goes down, health expenses stay much lower, over all happiness and deep satisfaction in life goes up, and wealth level increases substantially. STAF is your staff to give your family a new life.
Most people, no matter who they are, have never heard of these facts.
The truth in these facts is very eye-opening and shocking.
In the divorce situations, some states have laws that the couple MUST take certain amount of marriage counseling before they could go forward in their divorce plans. The couples taking marriage counseling by a competent therapist will in most cases (and it can happen in every case) forget the divorce plans and get happily back together. In some cases, in some states, even one parent can demand a reasonably “endless” amount of therapy if he/she seriously believes and can give some evidence for his/her belief that the family would probably get reunited based on that therapy and this especially if the couple has children. STAF promotes and fights for this practice, for it is much cheaper for society and for the family and to all its members to give and accept the real chance of healing and reunion. Not only cheaper, but it can literally SAVE the children’s lives, literally even from death. Evidence is clear: when involved in effective communication and competent counseling, 100 % of the couples can get reunited (!), when the couple did marry in the traditional manner and when they have the desire to learn new techniques to communicate patiently, with appreciation, love and respect, and more effectively. “Traditional manner” means: the couple met, dated for months, a year or years (= learned to know each other), fell in love, got married and started their family. In order to get married in the traditional manner, you must believe in your love feelings. Otherwise no one would get married. There has been enough time to learn to know the other person and the love feeling is strong. This is “real love”. Real Love, based on research, NEVER DISAPPEARS.
It will always stay and last, no matter what. Sometimes people get distracted and misled: the ego, negativity, lack of knowledge of human behavior, and a big reason: the in-laws’ involvement – they really do not know anything real of the couple’s love life or communication level, yet they interfere and destroy.
When people get distracted and misled they sometimes start thinking ‘love is gone’, when actually the reason is ONLY the lacking, effective, loving communication.
Real love will always stay. That is why a divorce is never right, especially when the couple has children. There is always a way for healing, when correct techniques are used. Blaming is not one of them. Yet, that is all most people ever learned to do in their lives - and a big disaster is the result.
During most marriage ceremonies, many of them in front of the couple’s Almighty God, whatever their religion might be, the couple solemnly promises “to love and cherish each other forever, and stay together in good times and in bad times, until death them takes them apart”. How long is YOUR “forever”? One month, one year, five years, ten years, or is it forever. How much is YOUR word and promise worth? How successful will you be in life if your promises mean nothing? Will your promise mean what you say or is it just a fake word? Remember: your broken promise will make you SICK. This is a science fact. The science and research has proved that any traditional marriage can last forever, when the techniques to go through the hard times are correct and honest. STAF will teach you these methods (contact STAF). To give up and run away all against one’s promise about “forever” will cause deep subconscious level guilt. This will then cause serious emotional and mental problems and stress and these reasons will finally make the person physically sick, even cancer and other deadly diseases as a final result. This is the reason behind the fact that divorced couples always get sick emotionally, mentally, and physically. If one loses a spouse through an accidental death or through something else than divorce, there is not any guilt and no killer-sicknesses in most cases occur. THEN: is it time for every couple to have the right to know the facts (STAF’s founding document, page 1, (d), (5) ): (1) that a divorce (in a traditional marriage) is unnecessary and really dangerous to one’s health, (2) that a divorce will destroy the children and even causes them to commit suicides and face other terrifying disasters, (3) that any divorce can be overcome with open, honest, effective, face-to-face communication and competent marriage counseling. ‘Competent’ is the key word; not every therapist is competent in every corner – do your home work. Your best help is to call STAF and use STAF’s own Counselors, Certified by STAF. STAF provides only the new, latest methods and the most effective technology to give the happiness and success every couple deserves. STAF’s methods always save the children’s lives, save the families, save the couple, because, with correct techniques, with true knowledge of the facts, the healing and the happiest reunion can always be achieved, 100 %. In addition, the STAF methods can make the reunion work the rest of the couple’s lives, and happily. No other Coalition can produce these results, first of all because no other Coalition bothers Saving the American Family and the American Children. STAF has it in its name as no one else does.
When precious, innocent children are involved, the couple MUST GIVE THE FAMILY AND THE CHILDREN AT LEAST ONE REAL CHANCE TO GET REUNITED. After the marriage counseling the couple has learned so much new that they MUST test out how the NEW attitude, with the NEW, added knowledge coming from the marriage counseling will make their marriage work happier than ever – as it always will. This is the ONLY way to save the lives of the couple’s children. This is the ONLY way to save the couple’s health and happiness. The fact is that actually 100 % of all couples will experience their love feelings even deeper than before and the couple stays together happily forever and: the children’s lives are SAVED. It will and can be done successfully and always (in the “traditional manner” marriages) through effective, face-to-face communication and through competent marriage counseling. Couple therapy and learning to communicate and grow in understanding and forgiveness are the keys to marriage and life happiness that will last forever. Most people have no idea of these facts. STAF’s effort will save the American Family, the couple, and the children – all sacred and precious. The purpose of the marriage counseling is to give the couple a chance to cancel the divorce plan, based on new understanding, and to get reunited for the best of the children, for the best of the couple and of the whole family.
About difficulties in the parents’ behavior
On the Court Walls hangs commonly a sign asking
“Was he violent today?” (+ a related picture).
Where is the sign asking “Was she violent today?”
About half of all domestic violence is done by women.
Much over half, about 2/3 of all child abuse is done by women.
____________
STAF’s opinion is clear: see STAF’s founding document (link at the end of the home page, the purpose page 1, (d), (5), page 2, (6). Also, in many Courts the children are automatically (WRONG) given to the mother, no matter how bad, how mentally sick, incompetent, irresponsible, or maybe even a drug addict, alcoholic, etc. she might be. The mother might not even bother thinking of the facts, being fully misled by the ignorant Counselors (who know no more about the real facts). The mother most likely would not even have any capabilities of fully understanding of her own and the children’s BEST – most do not understand at all because of lacking education of the facts in our society. The COURTS’ medieval attitudes coming from old, wrong myths, are stubbornly abused to destroy the American Families and the Precious American Children. The lawyers, interested ONLY in making their money (the family reunion would end the money flow into their purses!), gladly and proudly help to destroy the American Families, the children, and the couples. WRONG!
The common attitude (WRONG) is all over, that only men create Domestic Violence (over 45 % done by women) or Child Abuse (over 65 % done by women).
See STAF’s founding document, the truth is on page 2, (e).
Experience the HEAVENLY HAPPINESS by healing your marriage.
STAF, Inc. will restore your marriage with new methods.
- GUARANTEED -
Call: 1-888-DIAL-DR-1 (= 342-5371)
_________________
The American Family must be SAVED, the parents and the children must be SAVED, the union of marriage and family must be kept SACRED, for the healthier the family, the healthier and wealthier our Country and its whole Society in the future.
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., New York City, NY
Support STAF’s work: volunteer, donate 1-888-DO-IT-123
(= 364-8123) -
STAF, INC., Phone: (212) 946-1234 - email: [email protected]
________________________
STAF, INC.
Phone: (212) 946-1234
email: [email protected]
The American Family must be SAVED, the parents and the children must be SAVED, the union of marriage and family must be kept SACRED, for the healthier the family, the healthier and wealthier our Country and its whole Society in the future.
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., New York City, NY
Support STAF’s work:
volunteer, donate 1-888-DO-IT-123 (= 364-8123)
________________________
The Mission of STAF:
Dept. of broken families & children & parents
THE LIFE-DESTROYING DISASTERS HAPPENING TO CHILDREN
WHEN
GROWING UP IN ONE-PARENT FAMILY
Scientific fact list *)
Life-destroying disasters happening to the couple and children in separation
The scientific facts when a child grows up without the biological father
is a list of real dangers. Life-destroying dangers.
*)Facts list based on official, published sources
_________________
12 disasters your child
is facing
in a divorce
or in a separation
12 disasters your child is facing in a divorce or a separation
Are you willing to risk your child falling in the disasters listed below
? ? ?
A CHILD GROWING UP IN A
SINGLE-PARENT
FAMILY AND ESPECIALLY WITHOUT
A FATHER
(1) Faces overall increased risks to health and
welfare;
(2) 5 times more likely to commit suicide;
(3) 32 times more likely to run away;
(4) 20 times more likely to have behavioral
disorders;
(5) 14 times more likely to commit rape;
(6) 9 times more likely to drop out of school;
(7) 10 times more likely to abuse alcohol and
drugs;
(8) 20 times more likely to end up in prison;
(9) increased learning difficulties;
(10) increased risk of divorce when grown;
(11) increased out of wedlock pregnancies;
(12) seriously increased risk of having a stroke
during his/her life time.
For # 12 risk see a detailed article below
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the disasters listed above
?
Above in this same tab study an important, extensive article titled
SOCIOPATH
The information will show you the reason why a divorce destroys the spouses and the children _________________________________________
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the disasters listed
above and below ?
Children of Divorce
Face Twice
the Lifetime Risk of Stroke
Study
According to new research, children of divorce have
more than double the lifetime risk
for experiencing a stroke
than those whose parents stay married during their childhood
Children of divorce appear to have more than double the lifetime risk for experiencing a stroke compared with those whose parents' marriage stays intact during their childhood, new research suggests.
The finding stems from a survey of more than 13,000 Canadians, about 10 percent of whom had experienced parental divorce when they were young children or adolescents.
"I certainly don't want this to be taken to mean that children from divorced households are condemned to have strokes," said study author Dr. Esme Fuller-Thomson, a professor and Sandra Rotman Chair in the faculties of social work, medicine and nursing at the University of Toronto.
"This is just one factor among many that may increase stroke risk," she noted. "And we don't know that it's causal, in the sense that divorce leads to a stroke. It could be that many other things are at work here that are related to divorce, but are not divorce itself. We just don't know yet."
Fuller-Thomson is slated to present her team's findings Monday at the Gerontological Society of America's annual meeting in New Orleans.
To explore the question, the authors sifted through data that had initially been collected in 2005 by Statistics Canada, the Canadian equivalent of the U.S. Census Bureau.
The current study focused on survey participants from two Canadian provinces, Manitoba and Saskatchewan.
Nearly 1,400 of the 13,000 respondents had experienced parental divorce, and just fewer than 2 percent (248) said they had experienced a stroke at some point.
The research team looked into a wide range of potentially influential factors, including age, race, gender, socioeconomic background, educational background, adult mental health history, childhood physical abuse history, long-term parental unemployment, lifestyle issues (such as obesity, and smoking and drinking behaviors), and diabetes history.
Ultimately, the researchers determined none of these variables explained the bottom-line finding: that children of divorce seem to bear an approximately 2.2 times higher risk for lifetime stroke.
"This needs to be replicated several times to make sure there really is this relationship," cautioned Fuller-Thomson. "But if this holds up, one possible explanation is that adverse child experiences may become physically embedded in the way you react to stresses later on in life, particularly in terms of dysfunctions in cortisol levels, which is what's involved in the fight-or-flight mechanism. It's possible. But that's just a hypothesis at this point," she added.
"But the other important thing to note is that even if divorce is proved to cause stroke, many of these people who we looked at who are having stroke are now in their 60s, 70s and 80s," she noted. "That means they experienced divorce in the 1930s, 1940s and 1950s, when the consequences and context for divorce were quite different. So we can't take their experience and project into the future, since it's very different to be a child of divorce today. So this is novel and interesting, but people really should not go into panic mode over it."
Meanwhile, Dr. Kirk Garratt, clinical director of interventional cardiovascular research at Lenox Hill Hospital within the North Shore-Long Island Jewish Systems in New York City, agreed that it is premature to draw any conclusions based on the finding.
"But it certainly stimulates a discussion, because we would want to understand what actual mechanisms underpin this, particularly since divorce itself is probably not a modifiable risk factor. Meaning, you're not going to tell people they can't divorce because they're going to give their child a stroke," he explained.
"So what's worth looking at is not the socially charged issue of divorce itself," Garratt said, "but rather what is the unique social trauma that might come along with divorce that perhaps alters something physiologically in children of divorce. And that could prove to give some direction to studies of stress, and how stress can cause real physical harm."
Are you willing to risk your child falling into the listed disasters
?
_____________________________________
Recapturing Romance
After Kids Come Along
It can be difficult to find much time for romance and sex after you have kids. Learn how to put your marriage back at the top of your priorities list. Is something missing from your relationship? Sex and romance often get put on the back burner as the years go by — especially after the kids come along.
Parents say that having kids will turn your life upside down, but you can’t fully grasp that concept until they actually arrive. And once you go from being a couple to being a family, you may find that romance and sex become scarce. However, with a little effort, you can rekindle the romantic flame in your marriage, even after you have kids.
Romance and Sex: Make Your Relationship a Priority
Many people mistakenly prioritize their lives in this order: kids, career, and then each other, says Norma Feshbach, PhD, professor emerita at the Graduate School of Education and Information Studies at the University of California, Los Angeles.
Instead, you should make your relationship a top priority, which will not only benefit you, but your kids, too. "Just like you have to make an effort for your career and your children, you really have to make time for each other," says Feshbach. When you can, do little things, like cooking a candlelit dinner for your partner, to set the scene for a romantic night.
Regan Putnicki, 32, mother of a 1-year-old son, says she and her husband make an effort to sneak in "couple time" when they can. "In the evenings, we'll have 30 minutes or one hour after [our son] goes to sleep, and we'll make a date to watch a TV show," she says.
Romance and Sex: Don't Take Each Other for Granted
Many couples fall into a rut and forget to appreciate each other. Remember to thank your partner when he or she does something nice, and your relationship will grow stronger. Putnicki, a hospital sales representative, says that her husband pitches in where he can around the house. "You have to be appreciative of those little things and not always harp on what they don’t do," she suggests.
Something else to appreciate: the importance of sex in your relationship. "[Sex] is very critical because it is both physically rewarding and emotionally connective," says Feshbach, who advises couples to talk to a doctor if they're having physical problems with sex.
Romance and Sex: Seek Support
Feshbach says that finding other parents in your community can help enhance your relationship with your partner. "I think all parents should be part of a parent group," says Feshbach. Connecting with other people who are or have been in your same situation will reassure you that you aren’t the only couple facing challenges.
If you are having guilt about leaving a new baby or even an older child home, go a little easier on yourself. It’s okay to go out from time to time. Taking off a few hours from your parenting role by having a date night is important for your relationship, according to Feshbach. Enlist a babysitter, friend, or relative to watch the kids and head out for an evening of romance.
If you find that you are having difficulty reconnecting with your partner, you may want to consider seeing a therapist who specializes in relationships. Getting perspective from someone outside your marriage can give you new ideas for putting the spark back into your love life. Psychotherapy can also be helpful for non-physical problems in the bedroom.
Kids are one of life's greatest joys, but it is important not to let parenting get in the way of your marriage. By nurturing your romantic relationship with your partner and making time for intimacy, you will find yourself much more physically and emotionally fulfilled.
_____________________________________
The family
is the most important foundation
in YOUR life and in our society
Yet that sacred foundation of our society is treated too lightly by couples, by Courts, by public, by professionals etc.
WRONG. The lawmakers MUST wake up to see the reasons for high crime rates, drug use, violence in schools and everywhere: it is in the foundation – how the family functions.
How many hours do we get education in our schools
for (1) relationships, (2) marriages, (3) child raising, (4) health, (5) life challenges?
You know how many: -0- hours or close to -0-. STAF’s education makes the difference in our society.
No one else does what STAF does and in the way STAF does its work. STAF is totally different from any other organization.
Broken families create BIGGER miseriesand DEEPER suffering to the parents and to their children than the public or the Courts commonly know.
___________________________________________
Risks for the couple:
a separation or a divorce shortens the
couple’s lives and makes both of them
sicker emotionally, mentally,
and physically
A FACT: A divorce shortens the couple’s lives
and makes both of them much sicker emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Guilt and stress are the underlying reasons.
All that costs much and creates enormous burden to our society. The children are our future. When the children create mental and emotional problems, as they ALWAYS do in a broken family, it is the most expensive issue in our society and makes the whole society suffer. STAF’s statement is this: To destroy the innocent children’s lives by the couple’s egoistic attitudes (and not work out marriage issues through therapy and loving, deeper communication) is the biggest crime there is, it is similar to a murder, because the innocent, precious children face 5 (five) times bigger likelihood to commit suicide in a single-parent family (especially when the father is missing) and will face several other life-destroying calamities, e.g. 20 times more likely to end up in prison, 32 times more likely to run away, land on the streets as homeless, and get involved in drugs & crimes
(for more facts, and to understand the truth, see the enclosed list and STAF’s founding document, page 1, (d), (5), (iii) ).
Every child in a broken, one-parent family loses (not maybe, but for sure - loses!) his chances to mentally best and physically healthy life and suffers more or less forever. To destroy a child’s mind and thus his future life is more than WRONG, it is like a planned murder – especially BECAUSE IT CAN EASILY BE AVOIDED. In order to save the marriage happiness (it CAN be done in the traditional-manner marriages), and to save the innocent children’s lives and their future, the couple
MUST go to marriage counseling, start honest, effective, open-minded communication, learn to forgive, stop blaming, learn positive attitudes, learn techniques for appreciation, accept that none of us is perfect and understand that EVERY HAPPY, SUCCESSFUL LOVE RELATIONSHIP NEEDS WORK, EFFORT, AND CORRECT KNOWLEDGE (not fiction, not myths).
STAF, Inc. will restore your marriage with new methods.
- GUARANTEED -
STAF, Inc. gives you a lifetime result guarantee with only one time fee. No one else anywhere gives a similar guarantee.
Call 212-946-1234 or 1-888- DIAL-DR-1 (= 342-5371) – leave your question and contact information and we call you back or send us an email to: [email protected]
The crime rates go up related to the divorce rates and misery, suffering, sicknesses and costs catapult endlessly and spirals into many other problems, drug use, suicides, violence, murders, and endless list of other crimes.
A FACT: Every marriage undertaken in the traditional manner can be saved
The couple’s family reunion saves the children’s, and the couple’s mental, emotional and even physical health, and brings enormous economical savings to the family and thus to the whole society. STAF’s work saves lives, promotes all this knowledge, and creates huge savings to the families and to our whole country.
A FACT: After their reunion the couple is happier than ever and the marriage lasts forever, the children are the real winners, and at the final end: everyone wins because the whole society benefits in a huge manner.
Experience the HEAVENLY HAPPINESS by healing your marriage.
STAF’s mission is to stop the MEDIEVAL attitude regarding separation and divorce.
STAF is doing this work totally in a new way, using the latest science knowledge and the most powerful personal development techniques in the world. No other organization in the USA is committed to have as wide range of areas and activities as STAF has.
Eight (8) of these devastating, LIFE-DESTROYING disasters happen to EVERY child, all 10 in about 45 % of cases. The separate lists are at the beginning of this text.
The public, the Lawmakers, and the Courts have no idea about these facts. That is why educating all these parties is the most important issue for our whole society. As a result of STAF’s work of education, lives are saved, crime rates go down, drug use goes down, health expenses stay much lower, over all happiness and deep satisfaction in life goes up, and wealth level increases substantially. STAF is your staff to give your family a new life.
Most people, no matter who they are, have never heard of these facts.
The truth in these facts is very eye-opening and shocking.
In the divorce situations, some states have laws that the couple MUST take certain amount of marriage counseling before they could go forward in their divorce plans. The couples taking marriage counseling by a competent therapist will in most cases (and it can happen in every case) forget the divorce plans and get happily back together. In some cases, in some states, even one parent can demand a reasonably “endless” amount of therapy if he/she seriously believes and can give some evidence for his/her belief that the family would probably get reunited based on that therapy and this especially if the couple has children. STAF promotes and fights for this practice, for it is much cheaper for society and for the family and to all its members to give and accept the real chance of healing and reunion. Not only cheaper, but it can literally SAVE the children’s lives, literally even from death. Evidence is clear: when involved in effective communication and competent counseling, 100 % of the couples can get reunited (!), when the couple did marry in the traditional manner and when they have the desire to learn new techniques to communicate patiently, with appreciation, love and respect, and more effectively. “Traditional manner” means: the couple met, dated for months, a year or years (= learned to know each other), fell in love, got married and started their family. In order to get married in the traditional manner, you must believe in your love feelings. Otherwise no one would get married. There has been enough time to learn to know the other person and the love feeling is strong. This is “real love”. Real Love, based on research, NEVER DISAPPEARS.
It will always stay and last, no matter what. Sometimes people get distracted and misled: the ego, negativity, lack of knowledge of human behavior, and a big reason: the in-laws’ involvement – they really do not know anything real of the couple’s love life or communication level, yet they interfere and destroy.
When people get distracted and misled they sometimes start thinking ‘love is gone’, when actually the reason is ONLY the lacking, effective, loving communication.
Real love will always stay. That is why a divorce is never right, especially when the couple has children. There is always a way for healing, when correct techniques are used. Blaming is not one of them. Yet, that is all most people ever learned to do in their lives - and a big disaster is the result.
During most marriage ceremonies, many of them in front of the couple’s Almighty God, whatever their religion might be, the couple solemnly promises “to love and cherish each other forever, and stay together in good times and in bad times, until death them takes them apart”. How long is YOUR “forever”? One month, one year, five years, ten years, or is it forever. How much is YOUR word and promise worth? How successful will you be in life if your promises mean nothing? Will your promise mean what you say or is it just a fake word? Remember: your broken promise will make you SICK. This is a science fact. The science and research has proved that any traditional marriage can last forever, when the techniques to go through the hard times are correct and honest. STAF will teach you these methods (contact STAF). To give up and run away all against one’s promise about “forever” will cause deep subconscious level guilt. This will then cause serious emotional and mental problems and stress and these reasons will finally make the person physically sick, even cancer and other deadly diseases as a final result. This is the reason behind the fact that divorced couples always get sick emotionally, mentally, and physically. If one loses a spouse through an accidental death or through something else than divorce, there is not any guilt and no killer-sicknesses in most cases occur. THEN: is it time for every couple to have the right to know the facts (STAF’s founding document, page 1, (d), (5) ): (1) that a divorce (in a traditional marriage) is unnecessary and really dangerous to one’s health, (2) that a divorce will destroy the children and even causes them to commit suicides and face other terrifying disasters, (3) that any divorce can be overcome with open, honest, effective, face-to-face communication and competent marriage counseling. ‘Competent’ is the key word; not every therapist is competent in every corner – do your home work. Your best help is to call STAF and use STAF’s own Counselors, Certified by STAF. STAF provides only the new, latest methods and the most effective technology to give the happiness and success every couple deserves. STAF’s methods always save the children’s lives, save the families, save the couple, because, with correct techniques, with true knowledge of the facts, the healing and the happiest reunion can always be achieved, 100 %. In addition, the STAF methods can make the reunion work the rest of the couple’s lives, and happily. No other Coalition can produce these results, first of all because no other Coalition bothers Saving the American Family and the American Children. STAF has it in its name as no one else does.
When precious, innocent children are involved, the couple MUST GIVE THE FAMILY AND THE CHILDREN AT LEAST ONE REAL CHANCE TO GET REUNITED. After the marriage counseling the couple has learned so much new that they MUST test out how the NEW attitude, with the NEW, added knowledge coming from the marriage counseling will make their marriage work happier than ever – as it always will. This is the ONLY way to save the lives of the couple’s children. This is the ONLY way to save the couple’s health and happiness. The fact is that actually 100 % of all couples will experience their love feelings even deeper than before and the couple stays together happily forever and: the children’s lives are SAVED. It will and can be done successfully and always (in the “traditional manner” marriages) through effective, face-to-face communication and through competent marriage counseling. Couple therapy and learning to communicate and grow in understanding and forgiveness are the keys to marriage and life happiness that will last forever. Most people have no idea of these facts. STAF’s effort will save the American Family, the couple, and the children – all sacred and precious. The purpose of the marriage counseling is to give the couple a chance to cancel the divorce plan, based on new understanding, and to get reunited for the best of the children, for the best of the couple and of the whole family.
About difficulties in the parents’ behavior
On the Court Walls hangs commonly a sign asking
“Was he violent today?” (+ a related picture).
Where is the sign asking “Was she violent today?”
About half of all domestic violence is done by women.
Much over half, about 2/3 of all child abuse is done by women.
____________
STAF’s opinion is clear: see STAF’s founding document (link at the end of the home page, the purpose page 1, (d), (5), page 2, (6). Also, in many Courts the children are automatically (WRONG) given to the mother, no matter how bad, how mentally sick, incompetent, irresponsible, or maybe even a drug addict, alcoholic, etc. she might be. The mother might not even bother thinking of the facts, being fully misled by the ignorant Counselors (who know no more about the real facts). The mother most likely would not even have any capabilities of fully understanding of her own and the children’s BEST – most do not understand at all because of lacking education of the facts in our society. The COURTS’ medieval attitudes coming from old, wrong myths, are stubbornly abused to destroy the American Families and the Precious American Children. The lawyers, interested ONLY in making their money (the family reunion would end the money flow into their purses!), gladly and proudly help to destroy the American Families, the children, and the couples. WRONG!
The common attitude (WRONG) is all over, that only men create Domestic Violence (over 45 % done by women) or Child Abuse (over 65 % done by women).
See STAF’s founding document, the truth is on page 2, (e).
Experience the HEAVENLY HAPPINESS by healing your marriage.
STAF, Inc. will restore your marriage with new methods.
- GUARANTEED -
Call: 1-888-DIAL-DR-1 (= 342-5371)
_________________
The American Family must be SAVED, the parents and the children must be SAVED, the union of marriage and family must be kept SACRED, for the healthier the family, the healthier and wealthier our Country and its whole Society in the future.
Save The American Family - STAF, Inc., New York City, NY
Support STAF’s work: volunteer, donate 1-888-DO-IT-123
(= 364-8123) -
STAF, INC., Phone: (212) 946-1234 - email: [email protected]
________________________
This article is to inform some facts about the situation among among the children in India.
The information may inspire us Americans to appreciate what we have
and how our children fare compared how the children in India may fare.
To experience a good or a bad fortune makes us appreciate the good one we may have.
_______________
September 15, 2012
NYT
Opinion by Sonia Faleiro
For India’s Children, Philanthropy Isn’t Enough
Click the green links for further information
MEENA DEVI is only 10 years old, but she’s the head of her household. She cooks, cleans and takes care of her 11-year-old brother, Sunil, while a 14-year-old brother, Anil, works at a faraway brick kiln in a neighboring state. The three have been orphans since their mother died of starvation three years ago. They have an aunt in their village, but the most she’s ever done is send over food to their mud hut.
In June, I wrote an article that appeared in The International Herald Tribune, documenting this family’s daily life in the impoverished eastern state of Bihar. E-mails started to pour in the next morning. One was from a record producer in Los Angeles. He grew up in modest circumstances, and told me that he saw himself in Meena. He offered to pay all three children’s education and living expenses until they turned 18, an amount equal to $1,200 per year.
It was an opportunity of a lifetime. Why, then, did the children’s relatives refuse to let them take it?
Unlike the other scruffy village children, Meena made an effort to stay presentable. She was soft-spoken and polite; she slicked down her bob with spit and kept her face clean. Perhaps this adult inclination was a natural extension of her adult responsibilities.
I’d been introduced to Meena by Mokhtarul Haque, an activist with India’s Save the Childhood Movement, known by its Hindi abbreviation B.B.A. The B.B.A. has rescued and rehabilitated trafficked children for over 25 years. Mr. Haque had met with Meena’s only surviving relative, her aunt Savitri Devi Manjhi, soon after Meena’s mother died in 2009, and Mrs. Manjhi had then urged Mr. Haque to place the children in a government foster home. In June, following the record producer’s proposal, Mr. Haque offered the children spots in a B.B.A. school.
The B.B.A., like other nonprofit groups, built its own schools partly in response to the sorry state of government foster homes, where corporal punishment is routine and abuse is common. I’ve met many children who attempted to run away, preferring to take their chances on the street.
But after initially accepting Mr. Haque’s offer, the Manjhis quickly changed their minds, insisting they were capable of looking after the children.
Never mind that Meena and Sunil were perpetually hungry and slept without even a piece of cloth to separate their bodies from the hut’s dirt floor. Or that the Manjhis trafficked him at age 11 into a dangerous brick kiln soon after his mother died. (In India, children under 14 are permitted to work, but not in hazardous environments. An amendment to India’s child labor laws, proposed in August, would ban children under 14 from working anywhere.)
The Manjhis are the product of intergenerational poverty and caste-based marginalization. Like their parents, they’re poor, illiterate and seasonally employed. They don’t think beyond their daily survival. They’re also aware that no matter how bad life gets for them, public assistance is unlikely, and change is an impossible dream. They know they have no one to depend on but themselves and their younger kin. They may have empathy for their niece and nephews, but they can’t afford to act on it.
IN a society with few effective regulatory institutions, there’s neither an incentive to take responsibility nor repercussions for not doing so. People don’t do the right thing because it’s easy not to, and there’s no reward for doing it. Villagers are preoccupied with their own daily survival. And it’s easier for bureaucrats to do nothing.
A lack of accountability not only kills motivation, it encourages outright malfeasance. In India’s poorest districts, easily bribed police officers enable trafficking. India, according to Unicef, now has more child laborers under 14 than any other country.
What’s most galling about this corrupt behavior is the fact that the current government is making an unprecedented effort to confront poverty. In 2011, according to a World Bank report, India spent over 2 percent of its gross domestic product on poverty alleviation. Over the past 11 years, India’s government has sought to provide free midday school meals, a guarantee of 100 days of employment annually to the rural poor and free primary education. But endemic corruption, from the very top down to the ground level, prevents them from being implemented effectively. A lack of transparency and a leakage of subsidies to the nonpoor means that poverty isn’t falling nearly as fast as it should be.
The free hot meal is the reason Meena goes to school. But her teachers routinely skip school, three days a week. When teachers don’t come, the school stays shut, and there’s no meal. A well-funded, well-intentioned program created to educate and feed poor children fails on both counts: Meena not only learns nothing, she also goes hungry.
But it’s the Manjhis’ choices that have had the greatest impact on Meena. And these, too, were influenced by government failings. The low-caste residents of Meena’s village work the land of their upper-caste neighbors, who pay them in grain. To earn cash, entire families find supplemental work in one of the state’s many brick kilns, but they don’t earn enough to feed themselves adequately.
The government’s Public Distribution System, which offers subsidized food and fuel, should cover them. But in 2011 less than 10 percent of the grain intended for Bihar’s poor actually reached them. The rest was sold on the black market, bought by wealthier people with fake food ration cards or, worst of all, sold at a markup to the very people meant to receive discounted grain.
Government inefficiency has left the Manjhis poor and hungry, so they have taken control of 14-year-old Anil’s earnings. His salary of less than a $1 a day is paltry even by Indian standards. But for the Manjhis, it was still too much to risk losing. And so they refused to let Anil and his siblings leave for school. Unless their economic lot improves, the Manjhis will keep sending him to work at the brick kiln. Sunil will most likely soon join him.
A worse fate awaits Meena. Traffickers masquerading as eligible grooms routinely trick poor families into parting with their daughters, often before puberty. The families succumb because there’s no demand for dowry or wedding expenses. New brides are whisked away and sold into bonded labor or to brothels, where they’re raped into submission. They almost never return home.
THERE are thousands of Meenas in Bihar and millions of Meenas in India. Individuals, nonprofits and charities can’t be expected to step in to save them all from tragedy.
India’s deafening aspirations to global power will never be realized if the potential of these millions of children continues to be squandered.
The government must move beyond merely developing ambitious policies — it must also ensure that these policies aren’t corrupted. There must be stern reprisals for graft and dereliction of duty. And it must be worthwhile for poor people to do the right thing; they should be rewarded for good behavior. Prosecution of child-labor traffickers and their henchmen must be accelerated. And India needs to overhaul its system of state-run foster homes so that children don’t avoid them out of fear.
Only if real change occurs at the top will those at the bottom accept a stake in their community’s future. As long as Mrs. Manjhi is hungry, she’ll do everything in her power to stay alive — including sending her younger relatives to work. But if she were to receive real support from the government, that wasn’t funneled away by corrupt middlemen, she would not need to send Anil to work, and she would be likely to resist the temptation to earn extra cash illegally, for fear of losing state benefits.
Meena and her brothers now have a firm offer to live at a good school. This should be their happy ending. But it isn’t. If a child who has so many people fighting on her behalf can’t be assured justice, the millions of other children with no such allies have little hope.
The good will of 1,000 record producers in Los Angeles won’t change that. Only the Indian government can.
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Source:
NYT
By SONIA FALEIRO
Sonia Faleiro is the author of “Beautiful Thing: Inside the Secret World of Bombay’s Dance Bars.”
This article is for your private use, only
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Swine Flu Vaccine Linked to Narcolepsy in British Kids
Warning: other opinions may exist - use your own judgment - the decision is always the parent's
Study well the article below
Source: The new study is published Feb. 26/2013 in the British Medical Journal
Children in England who were given a version of the swine flu vaccine between 2009 and 2010 were at increased risk of developing narcolepsy after they got the shot, a new study suggests.
The findings are similar to those of previous studies conducted in Finland and Sweden, which also found a link between the 2009 swine flu vaccine called Pandemrix (made by GlaxoSmithKline) and narcolepsy in children.
However, because a large number of people were vaccinated and narcolepsy is rare, a child's chances of developing the disorder following vaccination were extremely small, around 1 in 55,000. What's more, these studies still show only an association and cannot prove the vaccine caused narcolepsy.
Pandemrix was administered to about 30 million people in Europe, but was not used in the United States. The vaccine has not been used in young people since July 2011, the researchers said.
Narcolepsy is a sleep disorder characterized by excessive sleepiness during the daytime and, sometimes, temporary muscle weakness, paralysis while falling asleep or waking, and hallucinations, according to the Mayo Clinic. The cause is not known, but it most often begins in children ages 10 to 19.
Because of the link between Pandemrix and narcolepsy seen in other European countries, a study looking into the issue in England began in February 2011. Elizabeth Miller, a consultant epidemiologist at the United Kingdom's Health Protection Agency, and colleagues analyzed information on 245 children and teens who visited sleep centers in England. Seventy-five of the children had developed narcolepsy after January 2008. Of these, 11 had been vaccinated with Pandemrix before their symptoms started, and 7 had been vaccinated within 6 months of the onset of their symptoms.
Children who had narcolepsy were 14 times more likely to have been vaccinated with Pandemrix than other children in England of the same age. The English results are similar to those of a 2012 study from Finland, which found a 13-fold increase in the risk of narcolepsy following vaccination for children in that country.
Narcolepsy can be difficult to identify, and it can take years before a person with symptoms visits the doctor and receives a diagnosis. News from Finland and Sweden about the link between the swine flu vaccine and narcolepsy may have made British parents more aware of the signs of the disorder in their children, and thus made parents more likely to seek care for their child's problem. If this is the case, the risk of narcolepsy following vaccination in England could have been overestimated, the researchers said.
Although studies like these can't prove Pandemrix caused narcolepsy, "the evidence is adding up to suggest that there is a small increased risk of narcolepsy," after vaccination, said Dr. Andy Pavia, chief of the University of Utah's Division of Pediatric Infectious Diseases, who was not involved in the study. Earlier research has found that the risk is higher among people with a particular genetic marker, Pavia said.
The Pandemrix vaccine contains an adjuvant called ASO3. (An adjuvant is an ingredient added to a vaccine to boost its effects). So far, only Pandemrix, which mixes ASO3 with the 2009 pandemic H1N1 flu vaccine, has been linked to an increased risk of narcolepsy. Other flu vaccines and other vaccines that contain ASO3 have not been linked to the condition, Pavia said.
Dr. Paul Offit, chief of the Division of Infectious Diseases at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, agreed that a link between swine flu vaccination and narcolepsy exists, but only if three things happen at once: the vaccine contains the 2009 pandemic H1N1 flu strain; the vaccine contains ASO3, and the person being vaccinated has a genetic susceptibility to narcolepsy.
The fact that these three factors need to converge makes the development of narcolepsy following vaccination a rare event. "The risk of being hospitalized or killed by [flu] is greater than the risk of narcolepsy," Offit said.
Although doctors don't know what causes narcolepsy, some studies have linked the condition to certain infections, for example, by the bacterium Streptococcus, said Dr. Sheila Tsai, a sleep expert at the National Jewish Health Center in Denver. It has been hypothesized that an immune system reaction may be one trigger of narcolepsy, but scientists don't know for sure if this is what's happening, Tsai said.
The new study is published Feb. 26/2013 in the British Medical Journal.
Pass it on: A version of the swine flu vaccine administered in England has been linked to an increased risk of narcolepsy in children.
Source: The new study is published Feb. 26/2013 in the British Medical Journal
If the link to the articles below has expired, search the web with the title
- 6 Flu Vaccine Myths
- Top 10 Mysterious Diseases
- 8 Strange Signs You're Having an Allergic Reaction ___________________________________________
PETS FOR YOUR FAMILY
Next below plenty of beneficial information about pets
and how the family pet(s) will help create closeness & happiness, even emotional/mental/physical health.
However, there are also serious, even life-threatening facts you need to know.
First: avoid exotic pets - the more exotic the riskier - there may be risks affecting negatively your family.
The first article below this text has a good example of a pet risking your family's health.
It is important that you study the first article.
Some pets are illegal
___________________
Study these articles together with your family including with your children BEFORE you decide what pet to take.
In case you want a cat or a dog, study the information in this STAF, Inc. website and search the internet to learn about the personalities of dogs and cats. Some dogs and some cats are fit for your family, some not. It is like getting married. You need to know the personality and other facts before you "marry" a pet. Your children may want a certain pet - study together before you decide. When you decide together with your children as a whole family then everyone knows the choice was made together - important for your family "peace".
The pets have a positive influence on your children and your whole family - as long as you adopt a safe pet.
This first article has a good example of a pet potentially risking your family's health.
It is important that you study the first article.
Avoid all exotic pets - the more exotic the riskier to your family's health
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Some pets are illegal
If a pet turtle shows up at your home, do not take him in.
He is considered armed and dangerous. No joke.
Click green for further information
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the number of Salmonella cases linked to tiny breeds of the reptile (it's not an amphibian!) is on the rise. As of last week, there are six current outbreaks of the bacteria-borne illness directly linked to exposure to the illegal contraband. Yes pet turtles are illegal.
Farm pulls fruit after salmonella scare
Ever since 1975, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has placed a nationwide ban on sales of the amphibians-with shells 4 inches or smaller. After a spike in Salmonella-related sicknesses, the little guys were found to be breeders of the bacteria.
Here's how it happens: They release the bacteria when they relieve themselves (that's a fancy way of saying turtle poop). So do every pet - thus, cleanness is important. When pets come from outside, you need to clean them.
Remnants of the Salmonella strain live on their shells and get transferred to human hands and mouths easily.
"Young children are ingenious, characterized by cleverness of invention or constructing ways to infect themselves,"
says Joseph C. Paige, D.V.M., a Consumer Safety Officer in the FDA's Center for Veterinary Medicine, in a statement to press.
"They put the small turtles in their mouths or, more often, they touch the turtles or dangle their fingers in the turtle tank water and then put their hands in their mouths. Also, sometimes the tanks and reptile paraphernalia are cleaned in the kitchen sink, and food and eating utensils get cross-contaminated risking the whole family."
The latest CDC survey found turtle-related outbreaks in 30 states. (cdc.gov)
Even just letting the turtles run free in the house can spread the disease with serious consequences.
In 2007, a 3-week-old baby died after exposure to a pet turtle. More recently, 196 people (up from 168 in July) have been sickened after the six outbreaks were unleashed. As of last month, 36 of those sickened were hospitalized.
Because of their weakened immune systems, kids are particularly susceptible to the bacteria's side effects -which in rare cases can be deadly.
The latest reports from the CDC estimate 63% of those recently sickened are 10 years of age or younger, and 29% are under a year old.
Spotting the warning signs of Salmonella
"All reptiles and amphibians are commonly contaminated with Salmonella," says Paige. "But it is the small turtles that most often are put in contact with young children, where consequences of infection are likely to be severe."
Prior exposure to the turtle doesn't mean you're in the clear. At least 72% of those exposed to the illness have lived with their pets for a while.
The steady increase in turtle-related illnesses since 2006 has prompted a crackdown on the illegal sale of the tiny pets. Last month, cops in Maryland busted two vendors, one at a pet store, the other at a makeshift vending station at Six Flags Great Adventure.
"We've really seen a big influx of these turtles for sale," said Mike Lathroum, a senior officer with the Maryland Natural Resources Police, told the Washington Post. "I don't know why. . . We've not been able to determine the source."
The turtles are sometimes given away for free -with purchase of habitats-in order to bypass the law. You'd think that the FDA, the CDC and police task forces could catch up with the slowest creature known to man. But if we've learned anything from childhood fables, it's that those sluggish little guys are persistent.
Click the green for further info
Related:
11 riskiest foods to eat
How to know if your turkey is bacteria-free
Peanut butter recall prompts salmonella scare
This article is for your private use, only
Source: Yahoo Health
__________________________________________________________
STAF,Inc.'s editors decided to place this article below next to the pet info
to remind of the potential dangers of any animal, domesticated or wild
_______________________
News 10/2/12 from Oregon
Authorities: Oregon farmer eaten by his hogs
John Killefer, who heads the Animal and Rangeland Sciences Department at Oregon State University in Corvallis, told:
Domestic hogs are not typically known to be as aggressive as their feral, wild cousins,
but
"there is some degree of danger associated with any animal"
(Qoute by John Killefer, who heads the Animal and Rangeland Sciences Department at Oregon State University in Corvallis)
The person killed by his hogs was raising them professionally.
However, some people take a pig as their pet - when it grows it can kill a baby or hurt anyone while the family is sleeping, even though they are regarded quite intelligent and loving to their owner(s).
So can any large pet animal, potentially. Pay attention. Like human beings, pets can get "insane" because the commercial food most pets eat are filled with mind-affecting chemicals. Learn to prepare yourself the food for your pet(s) in your home from fresh ingredients - that will keep them healthy and you can enjoy your pet much longer. Study the internet for pet food recipes. Not every pet can eat or digest what we humans eat.
The same way: any process food you eat or give to your children has harmful chemicals affecting physical, emotional & mental health. Learn to prepare ALL food in your home using healthy, safe ingredients.
STAF, Inc. has full programs available for healthy food preparing for your human family members and for your pet(s).
Any pet coming from outside will (notice: WILL) carry in harmful ingredients as do your shoes. Clean the pet, keep your shoes away from your active living area. After cleaning your pet or coming from outside was your hands and teach your children do the same. Soap and water. Hand washing: rub the hands with soap lather as long as it takes "to hum 'happy birthday to you' or once (for children) 'now I know my abc's - then rinse well.
Avoid using any other chemicals (except simple perfume-free soap) for washing the humans as well as the pet(s).
The Pet Choice for your family
Carefully look TOGETHER AS A FAMILY at the facts on the internet, discuss the pet choice with your whole family, including with your children. Especially study the pet's temperament and suitability for children and for the whole family.
_______________
to remind of the potential dangers of any animal, domesticated or wild
_______________________
News 10/2/12 from Oregon
Authorities: Oregon farmer eaten by his hogs
John Killefer, who heads the Animal and Rangeland Sciences Department at Oregon State University in Corvallis, told:
Domestic hogs are not typically known to be as aggressive as their feral, wild cousins,
but
"there is some degree of danger associated with any animal"
(Qoute by John Killefer, who heads the Animal and Rangeland Sciences Department at Oregon State University in Corvallis)
The person killed by his hogs was raising them professionally.
However, some people take a pig as their pet - when it grows it can kill a baby or hurt anyone while the family is sleeping, even though they are regarded quite intelligent and loving to their owner(s).
So can any large pet animal, potentially. Pay attention. Like human beings, pets can get "insane" because the commercial food most pets eat are filled with mind-affecting chemicals. Learn to prepare yourself the food for your pet(s) in your home from fresh ingredients - that will keep them healthy and you can enjoy your pet much longer. Study the internet for pet food recipes. Not every pet can eat or digest what we humans eat.
The same way: any process food you eat or give to your children has harmful chemicals affecting physical, emotional & mental health. Learn to prepare ALL food in your home using healthy, safe ingredients.
STAF, Inc. has full programs available for healthy food preparing for your human family members and for your pet(s).
Any pet coming from outside will (notice: WILL) carry in harmful ingredients as do your shoes. Clean the pet, keep your shoes away from your active living area. After cleaning your pet or coming from outside was your hands and teach your children do the same. Soap and water. Hand washing: rub the hands with soap lather as long as it takes "to hum 'happy birthday to you' or once (for children) 'now I know my abc's - then rinse well.
Avoid using any other chemicals (except simple perfume-free soap) for washing the humans as well as the pet(s).
The Pet Choice for your family
Carefully look TOGETHER AS A FAMILY at the facts on the internet, discuss the pet choice with your whole family, including with your children. Especially study the pet's temperament and suitability for children and for the whole family.
_______________
Study the above text relating to this article below
Authorities: Oregon farmer eaten by his hogs
Click the green for further info
COQUILLE, Ore. (AP) — Oregon authorities are investigating how a farmer was eaten by his hogs.
Terry Vance Garner, 69, never returned after he set out to feed his animals last Wednesday on his farm near the Oregon coast, the Coos County district attorney said Monday.
A family member found Garner's dentures and pieces of his body in the hog enclosure several hours later, but most of his remains had been consumed, District Attorney Paul Frasier said. Several of the hogs weighed 700 pounds or more.
It's possible Garner had a medical emergency, such as a heart attack, or was knocked over by the animals, then killed and eaten, Frasier said, adding that at least one hog had previously bitten Garner.
The possibility of foul play is being investigated as well.
"For all we know, it was a horrific accident, but it's so doggone weird that we have to look at all possibilities," Frasier told The Register-Guard.
A pathologist was unable to identify a cause or manner of death, the newspaper reported. The remains will be examined by a forensic anthropologist at the University of Oregon.
Terry Garner was "a good-hearted guy" who cared for several huge adult sows and a boar named Teddy, said his brother, Michael Garner, 75, of Myrtle Point.
Piglets were typically sold to local 4-H kids.
"Those animals were his life," Michael Garner said. "He had all kinds of birds, and turkeys that ran all over the place. Everybody knew him."
Michael Garner said one of the large sows bit his brother last year when he accidentally stepped on a piglet.
"He said he was going to kill it, but when I asked him about it later, he said he had changed his mind," the brother said.
Domestic hogs are not typically known to be as aggressive as their feral cousins, but "there is some degree of danger associated with any animal," John Killefer, who heads the Animal and Rangeland Sciences Department at Oregon State University in Corvallis, told the newspaper.
While pigs "are more omnivorous than other farm animals, (such as) cows," Killefer called the case highly unusual.
Most hogs are raised until they reach a market weight of between 250 and 300 pounds, while breeding female pigs rarely weigh more than 400 pounds, Killefer said.
Click the green for further info
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Yahoo News
This article is for your private use, only
___________________________________________________________
The Positive Power of Pet Ownership
Pet & pet care information
because: pets are helpful in many ways:
(1) PETS improve our marriage happiness - research proves this as a fact
(2) PETS improve our children's development & success
(3) Pets improve our and our family members' physical, emotional & mental health "a 4-legged hard-working "Family Doctor" working with natural principles without any negative side effects - at a low cost without any formal service fee and no bill",
(4) Pets protect & save lives
(5) Pets give much happiness to us humans
The pet section provides detailed info about the multitudes of benefits the pets give us and also how to correctly feed and otherwise take care of your pet in a manner that maintains your pet's health and gives a long, happy life to your pet
"Pet Power" - A Natural Health & Success Enhancer
- at a Low Cost
In the modern society one challenging matter is the fact that when a child comes home from school, there is no one waiting for the child, no one greeting, no one to communicate with - all this together with several other negative factors can cause serious failures, emotional & mental sicknesses, emotionally pacifying over-eating leading to obesity, diabetes, elevated blood pressure, cancer, asthma, allergies, etc. These sicknesses always weaken the immune system and its disease fighting power. It leads to multitudes of additional physical sicknesses. The child carries these sicknesses to the adulthood and possibly for the rest of his or her life resulting in even more additional sicknesses and constant human suffering and human unhappiness leading to different emotional and mental challenges and sicknesses. High health/sickness care is then attached to this common cycle all the way from the individual's childhood. This common cycle can be eliminated. The STAF, Inc. developed plan has effective solutions to cut off this cycle and lower dramatically the nation's health/sickness care expenses.
One effective solution, relating to this section of the new plan, is to substantially add "pet memberships" in the American families. The majority of the population (and of the nations doctors) is not aware of the pet-benefits - the STAF, Inc. plan will provide the necessary information to widely raise the awareness of the benefits related to a family pet and how to draw the maximum benefits. Selling the "pet family-memberships" can be an easy task because the result benefits are undeniable and substantial. The cost is low. It is like the humorous quote stating "It costs $100 K to send a child to school - to school a pet costs a $100" . This plan has a brief but impressive section showing tens of health benefits the 4-legged pet-doctor will produce. A pet helps not only the children but also the parents and their marriage.
The Positive Power
of Pet Ownership
Let's start with a few videos with pets starring:
Go to Video
Dreaming puppy talks in his sleep
Those adorable squeaking noises you hear aren't coming from the plastic doll.
No cuddling necessary
Other Videos pets starring
The Positive Power of Pet Ownership
source: Veterinary Practice News
In this short video link (BELOW), Dr. Lynette Hart of the University of California, Davis School of Veterinary Medicine discusses how companion animals positively influence human behavior and activity.
Companion animals have a calming influence on people. You can see this when you bring an animal into a classroom – the children immediately lower their noise level. A similar phenomenon can be seen with groups of Alzheimer’s patients in a nursing home setting.
The result is that companion animals can be used tactically to create better learning environments in classrooms, and to improve the general atmosphere for residents of assisted living facilities.
The calming effect of animals also has a more general application as protection against loneliness, depression and anxiety in people whose circumstances make them vulnerable to those emotions.
Psychotherapists who use animals in their treatment rooms report more productive sessions with tense, anxious patients. These patients become calm and relaxed when an animal is brought into the room during their session.
The psychoanalytic theory behind the calming influence of companion animals is self-psychology and refers to animals as self objects. One of the functions of a self object is to mirror the “self” in a very positive, reflective way – similar to how a warm, accepting mother reflects back to her children they are wonderful people. This is how children learn who they are – by the way the world responds to them.
Companion animals have the ability to reflect back to you that very positive, accepting response, letting you know you’re a special person. It is this mirroring that may account for the tremendously calming effect of animals.
Research also shows that people are simply more sociable – more relaxed and accepting of others -- when an animal is present.
Companion animals also motivate their owners to participate in more activities, and in the case of dogs, to get regular exercise.
Sources:
Dr. Lynette Hart of the University of California, Davis School of Veterinary Medicine discusses how companion animals positively influence human behavior and activity - see the video:
- dvm360 (video)
Evidence shows pets can positively influence several medical conditions.
Pet ownership can help to:
- Lower blood pressure
- Lower cholesterol levels
- Improve cardiovascular health
- Relieve the depression associated with ANY serious illnesses
- Improve survival rates after a heart attack
It feels good to be needed and your pet depends on you – even if your family does not. Being needed motivates you to stay well.
Studies have shown that interacting with pets is actually more beneficial than interacting with friends when it comes to your blood pressure. Human friends can be judgmental –your four-legged buddy accepts you exactly as you are in every moment of your life together.
Part of the reason we connect so deeply with animals may be their emotional depth. Studies show that many animals mourn, cry, and demonstrate other ranges of emotion. If you share your life with a pet, you know the love it feels for you is intense and enduring.
How to Beat This Deadly Pet Epidemic: Pet Obesity
Management of weight issues in pets is complicated by the human–animal bond. The increase in obesity of pets is increasing as human obesity increases in the population. Most veterinarians would agree that it can be very awkward to discuss a pet’s weight issue if the owner has a weight issue.
A growing number of veterinarians state that processed pet food (kibbled and canned food) is the number one cause of illness and premature death in dogs and cats today
About half of U.S. dogs and cats are overweight, and a third of dogs visiting the vet in the last decade were clinically obese. As is the case with humans, obesity affects both the quantity and quality of life pets enjoy.
Pet obesity is a serious health threat. There are several common disorders and diseases directly attributable to obesity, including:
- Decreased life span
- Dystocia (difficult birth)
- Osteoarthritis
- Hepatic lipidosis (cats)
- Hypothyroidism
- Cruciate ligament tears/ruptures
- Exercise intolerance
- Mammary neoplasia (tumor)
- Laryngeal paralysis
- Glucose intolerance
- Hyperadrenocorticism
- Idiopathic cystitis
- Transitional cell carcinoma
- Tracheal collapse
- Diabetes
- Intervertebral disk disorder
- Urethral sphincter mechanism incompetence
In fact, a study with Beagles showed after neutering the dogs needed a 30 percent decrease in calories or an equivalent increase in activity in order to maintain a healthy weight.
The hormone leptin is also a major factor in obesity. Leptin acts on reproductive and immune functions and also on insulin sensitivity.
Leptin binds to receptors in the brain that are directly related to appetite suppression. Overweight people and pets have high circulating leptin levels, so it is not a lack of the hormone that is the problem, but the inability of leptin to act on the hypothalamus in overweight animals. Animals are becoming as leptin-resistant as people.
Another hormone important in obesity is adiponectin. Adiponectin enhances insulin sensitivity and increases glucose uptake. Low levels of this hormone are associated with type 2 diabetes, insulin resistance and high blood pressure in humans. While the same connection has not yet been established in companion animals, it is a fact that obese dogs and cats have decreased levels of adiponectin.
According to Clinician’s Brief:
Management of weight issues in pets is complicated by the human–animal bond. The increase in obesity of pets is increasing as human obesity increases in the population. Most veterinarians would agree that it can be very awkward to discuss a pet’s weight issue if the owner has a weight issue.
Sources: (1) Clinician's Brief October 12, 2010, (2) Live Science November 23, 2010
Many Commercial Pet Foods are Not Healthy
When you feed your pet many commercially available pet foods, such as kibble (dry food), not only do you risk exposing them to contamination concerns, but also, and perhaps more importantly, these foods typically are not biologically balanced for your domesticated carnivore (cat) and scavenging carnivore (dog).
Instead, many contain inferior meat meals, cheap grains like corn, rice, and wheat, soy, fillers, by-products, food coloring, pesticides, preservatives, and other contaminants. Because of their inferior quality, common symptoms associated with regular consumption of commercial pet foods include:
- Diarrhea
- Increased flatulence
- Dull coat
- Intermittent vomiting
- Prolonged scratching
- Diabetes
- Organ disease
A growing number of veterinarians state that processed pet food (kibbled and canned food) is the number one cause of illness and premature death in dogs and cats today
Diamond Pet Foods has reported a total of 21 cats with thiamine deficiency in Pennsylvania and New York since a voluntary recall of two brands of the company's dry cat food in September.
The updated announcement involves a Diamond recall of Premium Edge Finicky Adult Cat and Premium Edge Hairball Cat brands of dry food distributed in 18 states. All 21 cases came from New York and Pennsylvania. Diamond initiated the recall after pet owners and veterinarians reported cats exhibiting neurological symptoms that pointed to thiamine deficiency. Company testing confirmed the deficiency. Diamond asked retailers to pull the product from shelves, and asked pet owners to stop feeding the food at once and take potentially affected pets to a veterinarian.
Is My Pet’s Weight Something I Can Control?
- You “pet-bet” it is!
It’s important for us to learn as much as possible about potential contributors to obesity – especially those unrelated to overeating and a sedentary lifestyle.
But no matter what other reasons there might be for obesity, the primary cause for the vast majority of us will remain the same: too many calories consumed and too few burned. It’s a simple fact of life -- the right foods in the right amounts coupled with consistent calorie-burning physical activity, is the best way to maintain a healthy weight.
It’s important to be mindful of the fact your pet is entirely dependent on you for what and how much he eats, and whether he’s physically active enough to stay in good shape. So not only is your dog’s or cat’s weight and overall condition within your control, it’s your responsibility.
Do’s and Don’ts for Keeping Your Furry Friend Fit and Trim DO feed a balanced, species-appropriate diet. If you’re currently feeding inferior food to your pet, set a goal to gradually improve the quality.
DON’T feed your pet an all-day all-she-can-eat-buffet. In order to take weight off your cat or dog and keep it off, you must feed controlled portions – usually a morning and evening meal, carefully measured.
DO make sure your pet is adequately exercised on a consistent basis. Your dog or cat needs to elevate his heart rate for a minimum of 20 minutes several times a week in order to move his body into a fat-burning state. There are any number of physical activities you can involve your dog in, even during the long, cold winter months. It’s just as important to get overweight kitties moving.
DON’T believe the marketing claims of ‘low fat’ commercial pet foods. These formulas are full of carbs and fiber – exactly what your pet’s body doesn’t need.
DO factor treats you feed your pet into the daily calorie plan. Keep in mind pre-packaged commercial treats are a primary reason for excess weight in many pets. These snacks are loaded with carbs, sugar and fat and are specifically designed to create intense cravings in your dog or cat.
DO partner with an integrative or holistic veterinarian to design a weight loss plan customized for your dog or cat, and take your pet for regular wellness visits to manage her weight and her overall health. Have you ever wondered what, exactly, is in that can or bag of pet food you’re serving your beloved four-legged family member every day? If so, you’re not alone.
In my experience, the number one reason pet parents look into homemade diets for Fluffy or Fido is because they’re concerned about quality. What’s really in that giant bag of dry dog kibble or that tiny can of food your kitty seems addicted to?
Commercial Pet Food is Loosely Regulated You may not be aware that unlike the food you eat, there’s very little government regulation of pet food quality. The USDA doesn’t control it, nor does the FDA or the AAFCO (Association of American Feed Control Officials).
Not one of these agencies watches over what private pet food manufacturers put in their products.
Pet food quality control is governed by each state, and while certain regulatory codes exist, they do not pertain to the absorbability, digestibility or overall quality of commercially prepared foods for pets.
What this all means is you must place your trust in the companies that make the pet food you buy, and you have to count on the accuracy of the labels on the packaging as well.
For many people -- especially those of you who’ve had a bad experience feeding commercial foods to your dog or cat -- this is just not good enough.
Even the pet food brands many veterinarians endorse don’t live up to their marketing claims and have caused health problems in pets.
Given the lack of regulation and the questionable quality of many commercial pet foods, more and more dog and cat owners have become leery of serving them to their furry family members.
if you’re going the homemade route, you must do it right. And by right, I mean balanced. A growing problem in my practice is pets with compromised health as the result of being fed an unbalanced homemade diet.
Even with the best intentions, if you switch your dog or cat to an unbalanced homemade diet, you can do a great deal of damage to their health – which is exactly what you are trying to avoid by serving homemade in the first place.
Human Grade Food: It’s Not Just for Humans Unless the commercial dog or cat food you’re buying is made with human-grade ingredients, you are feeding your pet rendered protein. Rendered meat is essentially pieces and parts of this animal or that -- there’s really no telling. This low quality protein is less than desirable nutrition for your pet.
Unfortunately, commercial pet food made entirely with human-grade ingredients is usually at least three times as expensive as food containing crude protein.
This is one of the main reasons for switching your pet to a homemade diet. You have complete control over what goes into your dog’s or cat’s mouth, and you can insure you’re feeding high quality, human-grade protein and not the crude, pieces-and-parts variety.
Get the Grain Out Another reason to consider feeding a balanced homemade diet is that you can insure it is species-appropriate for your pet.
Many pet owners today are becoming more knowledgeable about what constitutes biologically correct nutrition for companion animals.
For example, many of you realize your carnivorous dog or kitty should not be fed carbohydrates like grain, corn, wheat, rice, and in particular, soy. Canines and felines have no biological grain requirement and dogs, in particular, can have problems digesting grains, so the pet doctors do not recommend feeding them to your pets.
Depending on where you live, you might already know just how difficult it can be to find commercially available pet foods that are:
- Grain-free
- Made from human-grade ingredients
- Affordable
Additives and Preservatives The vast majority of commercial pet foods on the market contain chemicals, preservatives, emulsifiers and artificial colors that pet parents don’t want to subject their animals to.
Even high end commercial brands use flavor enhancers and extra fats that make the food more palatable to your dog or cat, but also less healthy.
Benefits of Homemade Pet Food The advantages of preparing homemade meals for your dog or cat include:- You have complete control over the ingredient list and the ability to eliminate all additives and preservatives
- You can pick just the right veggies for your pet’s particular needs, including those with higher antioxidant or medicinal properties, for example
- You can decide which meat sources to feed your pet, which is especially important if you have a cat or dog with an allergy to certain types of protein
You can also pair up with friends who have pets to buy ingredients in even larger quantities. It can be both economical and a time saver if you can spread the expense and meal prep work among the entire group.
Another wonderful benefit of preparing a homemade diet is that when you follow a recipe for balanced meals, which is what I’m about to recommend, you’ll know for a fact you’re doing the best job possible in nourishing your pet. You’ll be:
- Fulfilling your dog’s or cat’s vibrant, living food requirement
- Providing nutrient balanced, species-appropriate food that is rich in omega fatty acids and contains vitamin-mineral supplements in the correct proportions
Perhaps a book of homemade pet food recipes would help you. Here is one:
The pet lifestyle coach Beth Taylor & the pet doctor Becker have written a book of homemade pet food recipes, Real Food for Healthy Dogs & Cats.
The recipes in that book are not only AAFCO compliant, they also meet the nutritional requirements for biologically appropriate, healthy diets for all stages of a pet’s life as outlined by the National Research Council (NRC) and the Ancestral diet for dogs and cats.
Study: link below, at the end of this article: Ancestral diet called also Paleolithic Diet and Paleo diet for dogs and cats). That could be another way for you to start preparing homemade pet foods.
Vitamin-mineral supplementation coupled with homemade food allows you to prepare meals for your pet that are nutritionally complete in accordance with all standards for suggested baseline requirements.
There are few things as fulfilling as knowing you’re preparing nutrition packed, species appropriate homemade meals for your dog or cat right in your own kitchen. You can create vibrant health in your beloved pet. The majority of commercial food does not maintain health. It is processed food with low ingredients – feed your pet human grade food. However, if YOU yourself consume processed food by changing your diet to natural food you can avoid sicknesses, maintain your health, and live much longer active without suffering. So does your pet. The commercial, processed food brings the same sicknesses to your pet as humans get by eating unnatural food.
FOR YOU AND ALL HUMANS: Save The American Family- STAF, Inc. –not for profit- has developed the most complete nutritional & lifestyle plan. It is being introduced to the U.S. Congress, U.S. Senate, The White House, and the U.S. President. See the complete plan in full details in STAF’s website (the same website your are now on) starting on its HOME page and continuing in tab: University & College. The plan has everything any human needs to maintain health and to restore lost health when it is coming from a wrong, inadequate lifestyle. In addition, EVERYONE who works on minimum salary or on social security can afford this most advanced nutritional and lifestyle plan ever developed. The plan is developed specifically to be included in the new, improved U.S. health care legislation to solve the tremendous overweight & obesity problems and ease the sicknesses caused by wrong way of eating and living. - For all details, see STAF, Inc. website - the same website you are now on
- Staf1org.weebly.com - HOME page and continuing in tab: University & College
- Search Results 2. Paleolithic diet - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Click the green title for a video OR search the web with the same title
Two New Zealand rescue animals
become world's first driving dogs
Dated: December 2012
Hate driving and wish you had a personal chauffeur? Perhaps you should adopt a dog that knows how to drive.
Yes, a dog that knows how to drive. The New Zealand faction of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals recently taught three rescue dogs how to drive, and on Monday two of the rescues, Monty and Porter, officially became the world's first driving dogs when they drove a Mini Cooper without any human assistance on a race track in New Zealand live on the show "Campbell Live."
Monte the dog driving a Mini Cooper; photo via Driving Dogs Facebook page
"Wow, what a night! Monty and Porter are now the world's first driving dogs!" the group wrote on aFacebook page dedicated to the project.
While it's impossible to verify whether the dogs are indeed the world's first canine drivers, given the circumstances, the chances are pretty good they are.
The project actually isn't meant to create a band of personal doggy chauffeurs, but to change society's perception on rescue dogs, which are often thought of as unworthy as they have been abandoned by their previous owners.
"The whole purpose of this campaign was to find homes for our smart and intelligent dogs. It was always our dream that SPCA dogs would be seen as the dogs of choice in Auckland and throughout the country," SPCA Auckland Chief Executive Christine Kalin told the New Zealand Herald.
Indeed, the campaign's motto is "Dogs this smart deserve a home."
Check out Porter driving below.
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Warning: pet/animal cruelty is a crime
Idaho dairy workers charged with animal cruelty
This animal cruelty article is placed next to the family pet information to remind that
(1) animal cruelty is a crime and can send the person to prison,
(2) also to feed your pet to much and give too little exercise to allow the pet become overweight or obese
or otherwise neglect the pet's health care & wellbeing, can qualify as an animal cruelty crime.
Click green for further info
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — Three former dairy workers with Idaho's largest dairy operation have been charged with misdemeanor animal cruelty after undercover video shot by an animal rights group showed workers stomping, dragging and beating cows inside a milking barn.
The video was shot using a hidden camera by a member of Mercy for Animals who got a job atBettencourt Dairies' Dry Creek Dairy in Hansen for a few weeks this summer. It shows workers at the dairy beating cows with a pink cane as the animals slipped and slid on the wet concrete floor; workers kicking, shoving and stomping cows that have fallen between the metal bars in the milking stalls; and a cow being dragged out of the barn by a chain around her neck as she lies prone on the concrete floor.
Twin Falls County Prosecutor Grant Loebs said he filed misdemeanor animal cruelty charges against Jesus Garza, Jose Acensio and Javier Victor Rojas Loayza in late August after an investigation that was prompted by the video. If convicted, the men face fines of up to $5,000 each and jail time on a first offense.
Luis Bettencourt, the owner of the dairy, said that when the Idaho Department of Agriculture told him about the video and allegations, he was "sick about it." Bettencourt's dairy operation is the largest in Idaho, with 13 facilities and about 60,000 milk cows.
"We don't tolerate animal abuse. That's a big issue for us," Bettencourt said. "I love my animals and I've been in the dairy business since I was a kid. Animal care is a number one issue in our facilities."
Bettencourt said officials with the Idaho Department of Agriculture showed him the footage in August and he fired the five workers seen in the video the next day. In the weeks since, he said he's installed video cameras throughout his facilities and hired an additional supervisor.
"And we also showed the video to all the rest of the employees in our dairies, all 500 employees, and they had to sign a deal that said they understand that there's zero tolerance for animal abuse in our dairies," he said. "We've been in business 30 years and we've never had this happen before. We're all devastated here."
Nathan Runkle, the executive director of Mercy for Animals, said those steps amount to "too little too late." He hopes the video will convince Kraft Foods and the Wendy's fast food chain — both companies which Runkle says uses milk from Bettencourt Dairy — to stop using milk from the Idaho company and send a "clear message to the industry that animal abuse will not be tolerated."
"We believe this abuse is ongoing and was allowed to flourish, unchecked, until Mercy for Animal sent a hidden camera in," Runkle said. "There are no meaningful watchdogs inside a factory farm. ... Across the country this is actually our fourth dairy industry investigation that we've done and every single one of those investigations has led to animal cruelty charges being filed."
The organization wants Kraft to require suppliers to establish policies on the care and treatment of cattle, including prohibiting animals from being dragged without a sled, prohibiting dairies from docking the tails of cattle or removing their horns after a certain age, and requiring that the provide clean, dry housing areas and nonslip flooring in milking barns.
Kraft Foods' phone line for media wasn't working Tuesday and company officials didn't immediately respond to an email from The Associated Press requesting comment.
Loebs, the prosecutor, said Bettencourt Dairies has cooperated fully with law enforcement and investigators don't believe any of the dairy's upper management knew about the mistreatment.
"There's no indication at all that the owners of the dairy were in any way complicit in this behavior. In fact, they have been extremely cooperative with the investigation," Loebs said. "They were very supportive of the charges being filed and as far as I can tell, it's an isolated incident."
Pam Juker, spokeswoman for the Idaho Department of Agriculture, said the agency launched an investigation immediately after Mercy for Animals officials showed the department the video and other documentation.
"Obviously our first concern is the well-being of the animals," Juker said. "The images do not meet acceptable animal care or husbandry standards. So we did a preliminary investigation and then turned the matter over to local law enforcement."
The agency hasn't ever received any other animal welfare complaints involving Bettencourt dairies, she said.
Click green for further info
Source: Yahoo News
This article is for your private use, only
___________________________________________________
Warning: pet/animal cruelty is a crime
Idaho dairy workers charged with animal cruelty
This animal cruelty article is placed next to the family pet information to remind that
(1) animal cruelty is a crime and can send the person to prison,
(2) also to feed your pet to much and give too little exercise to allow the pet become overweight or obese
or otherwise neglect the pet's health care & wellbeing, can qualify as an animal cruelty crime.
Click green for further info
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — Three former dairy workers with Idaho's largest dairy operation have been charged with misdemeanor animal cruelty after undercover video shot by an animal rights group showed workers stomping, dragging and beating cows inside a milking barn.
The video was shot using a hidden camera by a member of Mercy for Animals who got a job atBettencourt Dairies' Dry Creek Dairy in Hansen for a few weeks this summer. It shows workers at the dairy beating cows with a pink cane as the animals slipped and slid on the wet concrete floor; workers kicking, shoving and stomping cows that have fallen between the metal bars in the milking stalls; and a cow being dragged out of the barn by a chain around her neck as she lies prone on the concrete floor.
Twin Falls County Prosecutor Grant Loebs said he filed misdemeanor animal cruelty charges against Jesus Garza, Jose Acensio and Javier Victor Rojas Loayza in late August after an investigation that was prompted by the video. If convicted, the men face fines of up to $5,000 each and jail time on a first offense.
Luis Bettencourt, the owner of the dairy, said that when the Idaho Department of Agriculture told him about the video and allegations, he was "sick about it." Bettencourt's dairy operation is the largest in Idaho, with 13 facilities and about 60,000 milk cows.
"We don't tolerate animal abuse. That's a big issue for us," Bettencourt said. "I love my animals and I've been in the dairy business since I was a kid. Animal care is a number one issue in our facilities."
Bettencourt said officials with the Idaho Department of Agriculture showed him the footage in August and he fired the five workers seen in the video the next day. In the weeks since, he said he's installed video cameras throughout his facilities and hired an additional supervisor.
"And we also showed the video to all the rest of the employees in our dairies, all 500 employees, and they had to sign a deal that said they understand that there's zero tolerance for animal abuse in our dairies," he said. "We've been in business 30 years and we've never had this happen before. We're all devastated here."
Nathan Runkle, the executive director of Mercy for Animals, said those steps amount to "too little too late." He hopes the video will convince Kraft Foods and the Wendy's fast food chain — both companies which Runkle says uses milk from Bettencourt Dairy — to stop using milk from the Idaho company and send a "clear message to the industry that animal abuse will not be tolerated."
"We believe this abuse is ongoing and was allowed to flourish, unchecked, until Mercy for Animal sent a hidden camera in," Runkle said. "There are no meaningful watchdogs inside a factory farm. ... Across the country this is actually our fourth dairy industry investigation that we've done and every single one of those investigations has led to animal cruelty charges being filed."
The organization wants Kraft to require suppliers to establish policies on the care and treatment of cattle, including prohibiting animals from being dragged without a sled, prohibiting dairies from docking the tails of cattle or removing their horns after a certain age, and requiring that the provide clean, dry housing areas and nonslip flooring in milking barns.
Kraft Foods' phone line for media wasn't working Tuesday and company officials didn't immediately respond to an email from The Associated Press requesting comment.
Loebs, the prosecutor, said Bettencourt Dairies has cooperated fully with law enforcement and investigators don't believe any of the dairy's upper management knew about the mistreatment.
"There's no indication at all that the owners of the dairy were in any way complicit in this behavior. In fact, they have been extremely cooperative with the investigation," Loebs said. "They were very supportive of the charges being filed and as far as I can tell, it's an isolated incident."
Pam Juker, spokeswoman for the Idaho Department of Agriculture, said the agency launched an investigation immediately after Mercy for Animals officials showed the department the video and other documentation.
"Obviously our first concern is the well-being of the animals," Juker said. "The images do not meet acceptable animal care or husbandry standards. So we did a preliminary investigation and then turned the matter over to local law enforcement."
The agency hasn't ever received any other animal welfare complaints involving Bettencourt dairies, she said.
Click green for further info
Source: Yahoo News
This article is for your private use, only
___________________________________________________
Dogs crave friendship just as people do
Dogs (depending on their breed)
are as intelligent as a 2 - 4 years old human child
To help your pet make friends: Walk your dog regularly, and go to parks where dogs congregate. Create a profile for your pet at Dogster.com, so you can meet other people and their dogs. Bring your pet to a doggie day care for a few half days. Ask the staff which dogs yours plays with so that you can contact the owners and arrange playdates. Join an obedience class to meet owners of dogs that are compatible with your pet.
Source: Pam Reid, PhD, vice president, ASPCA Animal Behavior Center, Urbana, Illinois.
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Stay Well With Your Animals
27 Ways Pets Can Improve Your Health
Most pet owners don't need reminding. Animals make people feel good. But we're talking about more than feeling glad they're around. Your favorite animal can make you healthy and help you stay that way. You may be surprised at just how many ways a pet can improve your health.
Pets Are Natural Mood Enhancers
It only takes 15 to 30 minutes with a dog or cat or watching fish swim to feel less anxious and less stressed. Your body actually goes through physical changes in that length of time that make a difference in your mood. The level of cortisol, a hormone associated with stress, is lowered. And the production of serotonin, an important chemical associated with well-being, is increased. Reducing stress saves your body a lot of wear and tear.
Keep Blood Pressure in Check
You still have to watch your weight and exercise. But having a pet can help you manage your blood pressure. In one study of 240 married couples, pet owners had lower blood pressure and lower heart rates during rest than people who did not own a pet. That held true whether they were at rest or undergoing stress tests. And another study showed that children with hypertension actually lowered their blood pressure while petting their dog.
Help for Lowering Cholesterol
To manage cholesterol, doctors still recommend that you follow guidelines regarding diet, exercise, and medication. But owning a pet has the potential of making it easier to avoid the dangers of cholesterol. Researchers have noted lower levels of cholesterol and triglycerides in people who own pets compared to people who don't. However, this could be attributed to lifestyle factors of pet owners.
Cats and Dogs Good for the Heart
Research has shown the long-term benefits of owning a cat include protection for your heart. Over the 20 years of one study, people who never owned a cat were 40% more likely to die of a heart attack than those who had. Another study showed that dog owners had a significantly better survival rate one year after a heart attack. Overall, pet owners have a lower risk of dying from any cardiac disease, including heart failure.
Pet an Animal and Fight Depression
Therapists have been known to prescribe a pet as a way of dealing with and recovering from depression. No one loves you more unconditionally than your pet. And a pet will listen to you talk for as long as you want to talk. Petting a cat or dog has a calming effect. And taking care of a pet -- walking with it, grooming it, playing with it -- takes you out of yourself and helps you feel better about the way you spend your time.
Better Physical Fitness
People who own dogs tend to be more physically active and less obese than people who don't. Taking your dog for a daily 30-minute walk will keep you moving and ensure that you meet the minimum recommendations for healthy physical activity. Two 15-minute walks, one in the morning and one in the evening, will do the same thing. And after that, just playing fetch in the back yard with your dog will earn you healthful dividends.
Make Your Pet an Exercise Buddy
If you exercise with your pet, you'll both benefit. Shine a flashlight on the wall or wave a string while you do a step aerobics routine. You're cat will get a healthy workout chasing the light, and you'll be thoroughly entertained. Some people like to use their cat rather than dumbbells when doing weight training. And nationwide, there are yoga classes for people and their dogs, called doga. Call your local gym or ask your vet if there are similar programs in your area.
Fewer Strokes Among Cat Owners
Researchers aren't sure why. But cat owners have fewer strokes than people who don't own cats. It's partly due to the effects owning a pet can have on a person's circulation. But researchers speculate that cats may have a more calming effect on their owners than other animals do. It may also have something to do with the personality of a cat owner. Cats often become the focus of their owner's interest, which diverts them from other stressful worries.
More Interaction, Less Isolation
One key to a healthy mind is staying engaged with others. And pet owners have a tendency to want to talk with other pet owners. A dog is a conversation waiting to happen. People, especially other people with dogs, will stop and talk with you when they see you walking your pet. Visiting a dog park lets you socialize with other owners while your dog socializes with their dogs.
Fewer Allergies, Stronger Immunity
Researchers have noted that when children grow up in a home with a dog or cat they are less likely to develop allergies. The same is true for kids who live on a farm with large animals. In addition, higher levels of certain immune system chemicals indicate a stronger immune system activation, which will help keep them healthy as they get older.
Cats and Asthma Prevention
It sounds counterintuitive. Pet allergies are one of the most common triggers of asthma. But researchers have studied the effects of having cats in the homes of infants at risk for asthma. What they found was that those children were significantly less likely to develop asthma as they got older. There is one exception. Children whose mothers have a cat allergy are three times more likely to develop asthma after early exposure to cats.
Snack Alarm
For people with diabetes, a sudden drop in the level of blood glucose can be very serious. Some dogs can alert their owner to a dangerous drop before it actually happens. They may be responding to chemical changes in the body that give off a scent. The alarm gives the owner time to eat a snack to avoid the emergency. About one in three dogs living with people with diabetes have this ability. Dogs for Diabetics is training more dogs to help more people.
Working With a Counselor
Some mental health therapists use a dog in therapy. A dog in the office may help someone be more at ease. But that'snot all. A remark to or about a dog may reveal what's really on a patient's mind. One therapist tells about a couple in his office who started bickering. The dog, which usually just slept during the session, got up and wanted out. He used that to help the couple see how their fighting affected others, especially their children.
Partners in Better Cancer Care
Cats and dogs both get cancer, and both benefit from research on human cancer. But more and more the opposite is also true. Humans are benefiting from research on their cancers. Dogs and cats can get the same kinds of cancers humans do. For example, studies of prostate cancer in dogs have led to a better understanding of how it develops in older men. And preventing cancer in pets can lead to new prevention strategies for their human owners.
Overcoming the Limitations of ADHD
Kids with ADHD can benefit from working with and keeping a pet. Taking charge of the tasks on a pet care schedule helps a child learn to plan and be responsible. Pets need to play, and playing with a pet is an excellent way to release excess energy. That means an easier time falling asleep at bed time. And because the bond between a pet and a child is unconditional love, pets help children with ADHD learn about self-esteem.
Autism: Addressing the Senses
Sensory issues are common among children with autism. Sensory integration activities are designed to help them adjust, for instance, to the way something feels against their skin. Or it may be how they react to certain smells or sounds. Dogs and horses have both sometimes been incorporated into these activities. The children typically find it calming to work with animals. And animals easily hold the attention of children with autism.
Want Stronger Bones? Walk the Dog
Strong bones are your best defense against osteoporosis and painful fractures. Walking your dog helps. It's a weight-bearing exercise that strengthens your bones and the muscles around them. It also lets you spend time in the sun, which provides vitamin D. If you have osteoporosis, be sure you guard against falls. Use a short leash that won't get tangled. And don't walk a dog that is liable to jump on you and make you lose your balance.
Stretching With the Cat
If you have arthritis, you know its important to stretch. You also know it can be hard to know when you're stretching enough. An article in Arthritis Today advises cat owners to take a cue from their cat. Watch how many times she stretches every day, and when she does, you do it too. If you can, get down on the floor and go through the same motions. If you can't get on the floor, sit on a chair and follow along by stretching your upper body.
Managing Arthritis Together
If your dog has arthritis, you can use the effort to manage his to help manage yours. When you make an appointment at the vet, also call and make your own doctor's appointment. Regular exercise is important for both of you, so walk with your dog. Keep your medicine in the same place you keep the dog's. That way you'll see it when you get his. And if you can, coordinate taking your medicines at the same time you give him his medicine.
Getting Back in the Saddle
Some rehab programs for stroke patients use horses to help facilitate recovery. At places like Xenophon Therapeutic Riding Center in California, clients who have had strokes start riding with side walkers and someone leading the horse. Horseback riding provides stretching exercise, which is especially good if one side has been made weaker. It also helps the person regain balance and build core strength.
Relief From RA
People with rheumatoid arthritis derive benefit from movements like walking and throwing a Frisbee with their pet. And pets provide a distraction that can help take your thoughts off of your own condition. But perhaps the best help comes from those dogs or cats that seem to be super sensitive to people who aren't feeling well. Sometimes just their presence can provide a relieving comfort.
Soothing Heat
A Mexican hairless dog called a Xolo is known for generating intense body heat. An organization called Paws for Comfort trains Xolos to be service dogs for people with fibromyalgia and other forms of chronic pain that respond to heat. People get relief just by placing their hurting limbs against the dog's body or lying up next to it. Some dogs have even been trained to ride around wrapped around the neck of a person with chronic neck pain.
Seizure Dogs
A "seizure dog" is one that has been specially trained to live and work with people who have epilepsy. Some are trained to bark and alert the parents when a child is having a seizure outside or in another room. Some lie next to a person having a seizure to prevent injury (as seen in this demonstration). And some work has been done training dogs to warn before a seizure occurs. This gives the person time to lie down or move away from a dangerous place such as a hot stove.
Staying Independent
Specially trained dogs can perform tasks that let people with Parkinson's disease maintain their independence. They can pick up dropped items or fetch requested ones. They can provide balance support, open and close doors, turn lights on with their paws. They can also sense when someone with Parkinson's is "freezing" and touch the foot to let the person keep walking. Groups like the Delta Society can help you find a good service dog.
A Better Quality of Life
Visits from therapy dogs help patients recovering from devastating illness or an event such as a stroke. Some dogs are trained to understand a range of commands which lets them help people with aphasia (a language disorder common in older adults, particularly those who've had a stroke) feel good when they see the dog understands them. And, petting or scratching a dog can help a patient rebuild strength while recovering from a stroke or other illness. It also creates a feeling of calm.
A Calming Presence
People with AIDS are less likely to be depressed if they own a pet, especially if they're strongly attached. And with an animal in the home, people with Alzheimer's have fewer anxious outbursts. The animal also helps the caregivers feel less burdened. Cats seem to be particularly helpful since they require less care than dogs.
Animal Assisted Therapies
Some studies are being done on bringing specially trained animals into clinical settings, which is happening in more and more hospitals and nursing homes. One of the biggest advantages of letting patients interact with animals in such places appears to be improved mood and reduced anxiety.
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Your pet adds immeasurably
to the quality of your and your family's life
If you own a dog, there’s nothing to compare with the greeting you receive from your pup when you come through the
door at the end of a long day. There’s something about a pair of warm, soulful eyes at one end and an eagerly wagging tail at the other that lifts your spirits and makes the day’s burdens disappear in an instant.
If you’re owned by a cat, you sense all is right with the world when your purring furball curls into your lap for the evening. As you stroke your kitty’s soft coat, a feeling of contentment settles over you.
A Pet Improves Your Marriage, Your Children, Your Health & Happiness
A study research study revealed that married couples with pets felt more satisfied with their unions than couples without companion animals. Click: study to see the facts
For newly married young people who both enjoy animals, it’s commonplace to acquire a pet – or several. Through caring for their furry “children,” newlyweds are able to gain insight into how each partner deals with responsibility, illness, sharing and jealousy.
Pets are known to reduce the inevitable stress between partners in a marriage, and also encourage social interaction with
others.
Other ways a companion animal can enhance your marriage:
Pets are attentive - Pets provide physical touch - Your dog or cat can comfort you or your spouse during times of disappointment or loss - Your pet accepts you unconditionally and is not judgmental - Having a pet around can trigger positive memories - Dogs and cats are full of cute and funny behaviors that can increase the joy and laughter in your home.
Kids and Pets
Studies show that children who are attached to their pets tend to function better emotionally. Your child’s self-esteem is enhanced by owning a pet.
Helping to care for the family pet teaches children how to nurture a dependent creature. And the positive feedback your child receives from you for caring for a pet helps him to feel competent and responsible.
When a child interacts with a pet that is totally dependent on its owners, she learns to understand the needs and feelings of animals, which naturally translates over time to a desire to understand the needs and feelings of people. This is how your youngster learns compassion and empathy for other living things.
Your child’s pet also provides an important form of social and emotional support. Whereas social feedback given by humans can feel critical and threatening, the nonjudgmental support offered by a beloved pet makes your child feel unconditionally accepted.
Family pets can also facilitate teaching your children about important life events like birth and death. Helping your child to understand and express feelings of sadness and loss when a pet dies or is euthanized can influence how he copes with the experience of death throughout his life.
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Dogs (depending on their breed)
are as intelligent as a 2 - 4 years old human child
To help your pet make friends: Walk your dog regularly, and go to parks where dogs congregate. Create a profile for your pet at Dogster.com, so you can meet other people and their dogs. Bring your pet to a doggie day care for a few half days. Ask the staff which dogs yours plays with so that you can contact the owners and arrange playdates. Join an obedience class to meet owners of dogs that are compatible with your pet.
Source: Pam Reid, PhD, vice president, ASPCA Animal Behavior Center, Urbana, Illinois.
____________________________________________________________________
Stay Well With Your Animals
27 Ways Pets Can Improve Your Health
Most pet owners don't need reminding. Animals make people feel good. But we're talking about more than feeling glad they're around. Your favorite animal can make you healthy and help you stay that way. You may be surprised at just how many ways a pet can improve your health.
Pets Are Natural Mood Enhancers
It only takes 15 to 30 minutes with a dog or cat or watching fish swim to feel less anxious and less stressed. Your body actually goes through physical changes in that length of time that make a difference in your mood. The level of cortisol, a hormone associated with stress, is lowered. And the production of serotonin, an important chemical associated with well-being, is increased. Reducing stress saves your body a lot of wear and tear.
Keep Blood Pressure in Check
You still have to watch your weight and exercise. But having a pet can help you manage your blood pressure. In one study of 240 married couples, pet owners had lower blood pressure and lower heart rates during rest than people who did not own a pet. That held true whether they were at rest or undergoing stress tests. And another study showed that children with hypertension actually lowered their blood pressure while petting their dog.
Help for Lowering Cholesterol
To manage cholesterol, doctors still recommend that you follow guidelines regarding diet, exercise, and medication. But owning a pet has the potential of making it easier to avoid the dangers of cholesterol. Researchers have noted lower levels of cholesterol and triglycerides in people who own pets compared to people who don't. However, this could be attributed to lifestyle factors of pet owners.
Cats and Dogs Good for the Heart
Research has shown the long-term benefits of owning a cat include protection for your heart. Over the 20 years of one study, people who never owned a cat were 40% more likely to die of a heart attack than those who had. Another study showed that dog owners had a significantly better survival rate one year after a heart attack. Overall, pet owners have a lower risk of dying from any cardiac disease, including heart failure.
Pet an Animal and Fight Depression
Therapists have been known to prescribe a pet as a way of dealing with and recovering from depression. No one loves you more unconditionally than your pet. And a pet will listen to you talk for as long as you want to talk. Petting a cat or dog has a calming effect. And taking care of a pet -- walking with it, grooming it, playing with it -- takes you out of yourself and helps you feel better about the way you spend your time.
Better Physical Fitness
People who own dogs tend to be more physically active and less obese than people who don't. Taking your dog for a daily 30-minute walk will keep you moving and ensure that you meet the minimum recommendations for healthy physical activity. Two 15-minute walks, one in the morning and one in the evening, will do the same thing. And after that, just playing fetch in the back yard with your dog will earn you healthful dividends.
Make Your Pet an Exercise Buddy
If you exercise with your pet, you'll both benefit. Shine a flashlight on the wall or wave a string while you do a step aerobics routine. You're cat will get a healthy workout chasing the light, and you'll be thoroughly entertained. Some people like to use their cat rather than dumbbells when doing weight training. And nationwide, there are yoga classes for people and their dogs, called doga. Call your local gym or ask your vet if there are similar programs in your area.
Fewer Strokes Among Cat Owners
Researchers aren't sure why. But cat owners have fewer strokes than people who don't own cats. It's partly due to the effects owning a pet can have on a person's circulation. But researchers speculate that cats may have a more calming effect on their owners than other animals do. It may also have something to do with the personality of a cat owner. Cats often become the focus of their owner's interest, which diverts them from other stressful worries.
More Interaction, Less Isolation
One key to a healthy mind is staying engaged with others. And pet owners have a tendency to want to talk with other pet owners. A dog is a conversation waiting to happen. People, especially other people with dogs, will stop and talk with you when they see you walking your pet. Visiting a dog park lets you socialize with other owners while your dog socializes with their dogs.
Fewer Allergies, Stronger Immunity
Researchers have noted that when children grow up in a home with a dog or cat they are less likely to develop allergies. The same is true for kids who live on a farm with large animals. In addition, higher levels of certain immune system chemicals indicate a stronger immune system activation, which will help keep them healthy as they get older.
Cats and Asthma Prevention
It sounds counterintuitive. Pet allergies are one of the most common triggers of asthma. But researchers have studied the effects of having cats in the homes of infants at risk for asthma. What they found was that those children were significantly less likely to develop asthma as they got older. There is one exception. Children whose mothers have a cat allergy are three times more likely to develop asthma after early exposure to cats.
Snack Alarm
For people with diabetes, a sudden drop in the level of blood glucose can be very serious. Some dogs can alert their owner to a dangerous drop before it actually happens. They may be responding to chemical changes in the body that give off a scent. The alarm gives the owner time to eat a snack to avoid the emergency. About one in three dogs living with people with diabetes have this ability. Dogs for Diabetics is training more dogs to help more people.
Working With a Counselor
Some mental health therapists use a dog in therapy. A dog in the office may help someone be more at ease. But that'snot all. A remark to or about a dog may reveal what's really on a patient's mind. One therapist tells about a couple in his office who started bickering. The dog, which usually just slept during the session, got up and wanted out. He used that to help the couple see how their fighting affected others, especially their children.
Partners in Better Cancer Care
Cats and dogs both get cancer, and both benefit from research on human cancer. But more and more the opposite is also true. Humans are benefiting from research on their cancers. Dogs and cats can get the same kinds of cancers humans do. For example, studies of prostate cancer in dogs have led to a better understanding of how it develops in older men. And preventing cancer in pets can lead to new prevention strategies for their human owners.
Overcoming the Limitations of ADHD
Kids with ADHD can benefit from working with and keeping a pet. Taking charge of the tasks on a pet care schedule helps a child learn to plan and be responsible. Pets need to play, and playing with a pet is an excellent way to release excess energy. That means an easier time falling asleep at bed time. And because the bond between a pet and a child is unconditional love, pets help children with ADHD learn about self-esteem.
Autism: Addressing the Senses
Sensory issues are common among children with autism. Sensory integration activities are designed to help them adjust, for instance, to the way something feels against their skin. Or it may be how they react to certain smells or sounds. Dogs and horses have both sometimes been incorporated into these activities. The children typically find it calming to work with animals. And animals easily hold the attention of children with autism.
Want Stronger Bones? Walk the Dog
Strong bones are your best defense against osteoporosis and painful fractures. Walking your dog helps. It's a weight-bearing exercise that strengthens your bones and the muscles around them. It also lets you spend time in the sun, which provides vitamin D. If you have osteoporosis, be sure you guard against falls. Use a short leash that won't get tangled. And don't walk a dog that is liable to jump on you and make you lose your balance.
Stretching With the Cat
If you have arthritis, you know its important to stretch. You also know it can be hard to know when you're stretching enough. An article in Arthritis Today advises cat owners to take a cue from their cat. Watch how many times she stretches every day, and when she does, you do it too. If you can, get down on the floor and go through the same motions. If you can't get on the floor, sit on a chair and follow along by stretching your upper body.
Managing Arthritis Together
If your dog has arthritis, you can use the effort to manage his to help manage yours. When you make an appointment at the vet, also call and make your own doctor's appointment. Regular exercise is important for both of you, so walk with your dog. Keep your medicine in the same place you keep the dog's. That way you'll see it when you get his. And if you can, coordinate taking your medicines at the same time you give him his medicine.
Getting Back in the Saddle
Some rehab programs for stroke patients use horses to help facilitate recovery. At places like Xenophon Therapeutic Riding Center in California, clients who have had strokes start riding with side walkers and someone leading the horse. Horseback riding provides stretching exercise, which is especially good if one side has been made weaker. It also helps the person regain balance and build core strength.
Relief From RA
People with rheumatoid arthritis derive benefit from movements like walking and throwing a Frisbee with their pet. And pets provide a distraction that can help take your thoughts off of your own condition. But perhaps the best help comes from those dogs or cats that seem to be super sensitive to people who aren't feeling well. Sometimes just their presence can provide a relieving comfort.
Soothing Heat
A Mexican hairless dog called a Xolo is known for generating intense body heat. An organization called Paws for Comfort trains Xolos to be service dogs for people with fibromyalgia and other forms of chronic pain that respond to heat. People get relief just by placing their hurting limbs against the dog's body or lying up next to it. Some dogs have even been trained to ride around wrapped around the neck of a person with chronic neck pain.
Seizure Dogs
A "seizure dog" is one that has been specially trained to live and work with people who have epilepsy. Some are trained to bark and alert the parents when a child is having a seizure outside or in another room. Some lie next to a person having a seizure to prevent injury (as seen in this demonstration). And some work has been done training dogs to warn before a seizure occurs. This gives the person time to lie down or move away from a dangerous place such as a hot stove.
Staying Independent
Specially trained dogs can perform tasks that let people with Parkinson's disease maintain their independence. They can pick up dropped items or fetch requested ones. They can provide balance support, open and close doors, turn lights on with their paws. They can also sense when someone with Parkinson's is "freezing" and touch the foot to let the person keep walking. Groups like the Delta Society can help you find a good service dog.
A Better Quality of Life
Visits from therapy dogs help patients recovering from devastating illness or an event such as a stroke. Some dogs are trained to understand a range of commands which lets them help people with aphasia (a language disorder common in older adults, particularly those who've had a stroke) feel good when they see the dog understands them. And, petting or scratching a dog can help a patient rebuild strength while recovering from a stroke or other illness. It also creates a feeling of calm.
A Calming Presence
People with AIDS are less likely to be depressed if they own a pet, especially if they're strongly attached. And with an animal in the home, people with Alzheimer's have fewer anxious outbursts. The animal also helps the caregivers feel less burdened. Cats seem to be particularly helpful since they require less care than dogs.
Animal Assisted Therapies
Some studies are being done on bringing specially trained animals into clinical settings, which is happening in more and more hospitals and nursing homes. One of the biggest advantages of letting patients interact with animals in such places appears to be improved mood and reduced anxiety.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Your pet adds immeasurably
to the quality of your and your family's life
If you own a dog, there’s nothing to compare with the greeting you receive from your pup when you come through the
door at the end of a long day. There’s something about a pair of warm, soulful eyes at one end and an eagerly wagging tail at the other that lifts your spirits and makes the day’s burdens disappear in an instant.
If you’re owned by a cat, you sense all is right with the world when your purring furball curls into your lap for the evening. As you stroke your kitty’s soft coat, a feeling of contentment settles over you.
A Pet Improves Your Marriage, Your Children, Your Health & Happiness
A study research study revealed that married couples with pets felt more satisfied with their unions than couples without companion animals. Click: study to see the facts
For newly married young people who both enjoy animals, it’s commonplace to acquire a pet – or several. Through caring for their furry “children,” newlyweds are able to gain insight into how each partner deals with responsibility, illness, sharing and jealousy.
Pets are known to reduce the inevitable stress between partners in a marriage, and also encourage social interaction with
others.
Other ways a companion animal can enhance your marriage:
Pets are attentive - Pets provide physical touch - Your dog or cat can comfort you or your spouse during times of disappointment or loss - Your pet accepts you unconditionally and is not judgmental - Having a pet around can trigger positive memories - Dogs and cats are full of cute and funny behaviors that can increase the joy and laughter in your home.
Kids and Pets
Studies show that children who are attached to their pets tend to function better emotionally. Your child’s self-esteem is enhanced by owning a pet.
Helping to care for the family pet teaches children how to nurture a dependent creature. And the positive feedback your child receives from you for caring for a pet helps him to feel competent and responsible.
When a child interacts with a pet that is totally dependent on its owners, she learns to understand the needs and feelings of animals, which naturally translates over time to a desire to understand the needs and feelings of people. This is how your youngster learns compassion and empathy for other living things.
Your child’s pet also provides an important form of social and emotional support. Whereas social feedback given by humans can feel critical and threatening, the nonjudgmental support offered by a beloved pet makes your child feel unconditionally accepted.
Family pets can also facilitate teaching your children about important life events like birth and death. Helping your child to understand and express feelings of sadness and loss when a pet dies or is euthanized can influence how he copes with the experience of death throughout his life.
______________________________________________
Article 1 of 3 Articles 2 of 3 and 3 of 3 are next below
Why Does My Dog Eat Poop?
Reasons Why Some Dogs Eat Feces
The medical term for eating feces is Coprophagia
Natural Treatments below without any negative side effects
Click green for further info
The medical term for eating feces is Coprophagia. There are many reasons why your dog eats poop. Some of the reasons are physical and some could be psychological. Once you know the probable causes of Coprophagia, you can help your dog stop this unpleasant behavior.
Medical causes for eating feces
Eating poop could be caused by medical problems in a c. The Douglas Island Veterinary Service says that pancreatitis, infections in the dog's intestine, the inability to absorb nutrients, or feeding your dog a high fat diet can possible cause your dog to eat stools. Coprophagia is not the only symptom of these diseases. If your dog is not exhibiting any other health issues, especially diarrhea, then eating feces is probably a behavioral issue.
Behavioral causes for eating feces
Seeking Attention - Usually, when your dog eats poo, you reprimand him. You either pull your dog away from the feces or actually lecture him how disgusting it is to eat poop. It's probably the most effective way for your dog to get your attention. Your lecture has the opposite effect than you intended. The dog eats more poop to get more attention from you.
Imitating - Dogs are intelligent animals and want to please their owners. When your dog sees you picking up poop in a doggie bag, she learns to do the same thing.
Learned - Your dog could learn coprophagia from other dogs. Maybe your dog saw the neighbor's dog or another dog at a dog park eating feces and copied the behavior.
Maternal - When a mother dog delivers puppies, it is perfectly normal for her to eat the feces of her puppies. She is keeping her puppies and the whelping box *) clean. It is also believed that mother dogs eat feces to prevent predators from smelling the puppies. *)
Dominance - Many times, a submissive dog will eat the poop dominant dogs, especially when they are living in the same house.
Hunger - Many dog owners feed their dogs once per day. It could be that your dog needs to eat several small meals each day and is supplementing his only meal with feces.
Natural Treatments
There are no definitive treatments for dogs eating poop but there are some methods that seem to help.
Treat the Food - Adding enzymes to your dog's diet help break down nutrients so the dog gets more nutrition, not needing to supplement with feces. Meat tenderizer is a common ingredient that can provide enzymes to your dog's diet.
Treat the Feces - After your dog has a bowel movement, don't pick it up right away. Pour hot sauce or other bad tasting product on the poop. When your dog eats the feces, he will soon learn that it is not a tasty treat and will stop the behavior.
Pick up the Feces - Picking up the poop right after your dog eliminates helps break the habit of eating feces. This is the most effective method found by dog owners. If you are unable to go outside with your dog and pick up the poop right away, put a muzzle on him so he can't eat it. Go outside as soon as you can and pick up the dog's poop, and then remove the muzzle. This will also break the cycle.
Avoid Punishment - Punishment never works to prevent coprophagia. The dog only knows that he is getting attention and does not associate the scolding with not eating his poop. It is a waste of time and energy to try and stop the behavior with punishment.
Positive Reinforcement - When you notice your dog start to eat feces, tell him to 'leave it' , 'come', or 'sit', whichever command he is most familiar with. If your dog responds to the command, give him a treat and praise. Quickly, pick up the poop and distract the dog with some other activity.
Resource: Douglas Island Veterinary Service: Coprophagia in the Canine
Click green for further info
See 2 related articles just below
________________________
Why Does My Dog Eat Poop?
Reasons Why Some Dogs Eat Feces
The medical term for eating feces is Coprophagia
Natural Treatments below without any negative side effects
Click green for further info
The medical term for eating feces is Coprophagia. There are many reasons why your dog eats poop. Some of the reasons are physical and some could be psychological. Once you know the probable causes of Coprophagia, you can help your dog stop this unpleasant behavior.
Medical causes for eating feces
Eating poop could be caused by medical problems in a c. The Douglas Island Veterinary Service says that pancreatitis, infections in the dog's intestine, the inability to absorb nutrients, or feeding your dog a high fat diet can possible cause your dog to eat stools. Coprophagia is not the only symptom of these diseases. If your dog is not exhibiting any other health issues, especially diarrhea, then eating feces is probably a behavioral issue.
Behavioral causes for eating feces
Seeking Attention - Usually, when your dog eats poo, you reprimand him. You either pull your dog away from the feces or actually lecture him how disgusting it is to eat poop. It's probably the most effective way for your dog to get your attention. Your lecture has the opposite effect than you intended. The dog eats more poop to get more attention from you.
Imitating - Dogs are intelligent animals and want to please their owners. When your dog sees you picking up poop in a doggie bag, she learns to do the same thing.
Learned - Your dog could learn coprophagia from other dogs. Maybe your dog saw the neighbor's dog or another dog at a dog park eating feces and copied the behavior.
Maternal - When a mother dog delivers puppies, it is perfectly normal for her to eat the feces of her puppies. She is keeping her puppies and the whelping box *) clean. It is also believed that mother dogs eat feces to prevent predators from smelling the puppies. *)
Dominance - Many times, a submissive dog will eat the poop dominant dogs, especially when they are living in the same house.
Hunger - Many dog owners feed their dogs once per day. It could be that your dog needs to eat several small meals each day and is supplementing his only meal with feces.
Natural Treatments
There are no definitive treatments for dogs eating poop but there are some methods that seem to help.
Treat the Food - Adding enzymes to your dog's diet help break down nutrients so the dog gets more nutrition, not needing to supplement with feces. Meat tenderizer is a common ingredient that can provide enzymes to your dog's diet.
Treat the Feces - After your dog has a bowel movement, don't pick it up right away. Pour hot sauce or other bad tasting product on the poop. When your dog eats the feces, he will soon learn that it is not a tasty treat and will stop the behavior.
Pick up the Feces - Picking up the poop right after your dog eliminates helps break the habit of eating feces. This is the most effective method found by dog owners. If you are unable to go outside with your dog and pick up the poop right away, put a muzzle on him so he can't eat it. Go outside as soon as you can and pick up the dog's poop, and then remove the muzzle. This will also break the cycle.
Avoid Punishment - Punishment never works to prevent coprophagia. The dog only knows that he is getting attention and does not associate the scolding with not eating his poop. It is a waste of time and energy to try and stop the behavior with punishment.
Positive Reinforcement - When you notice your dog start to eat feces, tell him to 'leave it' , 'come', or 'sit', whichever command he is most familiar with. If your dog responds to the command, give him a treat and praise. Quickly, pick up the poop and distract the dog with some other activity.
Resource: Douglas Island Veterinary Service: Coprophagia in the Canine
Click green for further info
See 2 related articles just below
________________________
Article 2 of 3
Whelping box (Wikipedia)
whelp = puppy - pup - cub
Click green for further info
Wikipedia: A whelping box (also nesting box or whelping pen) is designed to protect puppies during birth (whelping) and early life by keeping them safely contained, protected from cold, and safe from the danger of crushing or smothering by the mother.Whelping boxes vary from improvised cardboard boxes to purpose built equipment, typically made of plywood. The sides of the box are designed to be high enough to safely contain the puppies, yet low enough to allow the mother to enter and leave comfortably, with consideration given to her protruding mammary glands.*) The bottom of the box may be lined with specially designed "whelping pads," or layers of newspaper (or fabric) to provide insulation from cold floors and to absorb fluids.
A low railing, termed a guard-rail or bumper-rail, may be present around the inside of the box. This is to protect puppies from being crushed or smothered by the mother should she roll over during birthing or while asleep. This is considered especially important with larger dog breeds. A whelping box (also nesting box or whelping pen) is designed to protect puppies during birth (whelping) and early life by keeping them safely contained, protected from cold, and safe from the danger of crushing or smothering by the mother.
Whelping boxes vary from improvised cardboard boxes to purpose built equipment, typically made of plywood. The sides of the box are designed to be high enough to safely contain the puppies, yet low enough to allow the mother to enter and leave comfortably, with consideration given to her protruding mammary glands. The bottom of the box may be lined with specially designed "whelping pads," or layers of newspaper (or fabric) to provide insulation from cold floors and to absorb fluids.
A low railing, termed a guard-rail or bumper-rail, may be present around the inside of the box. This is to protect puppies from being crushed or smothered by the mother should she roll over during birthing or while asleep. This is considered especially important with larger dog breeds.
*) A mammary gland is an organ in female mammals that produces milk to feed young offspring. Mammals get their name from the word "mammary." In humans, the mammary glands are situated in the breasts. In ruminants such as cows, goats, and deer, the mammary glands are contained in the udders. The mammary glands of mammals having more than two breasts, such as dogs and cats, are sometimes called dugs.
See related article 3 of 3 just below
________________________
Article 3 of 3
What is a whelping box?
whelp = puppy - pup - cub
Click green for further info
The word whelp is defined as "a young offspring of a mammal, such as a dog or wolf". A whelping box is simply a specialized box designed for optimal birthing and raising of small mammals, specifically puppies.
You are probably thinking "well my grandma put our pregnant dog in a cardboard box or laundry basket with some towels when she was giving birth, isn't that the same thing?". I assure you it is not. Many people even view this simplistic, old-fashioned idea as neglectful these days.
Discussions about how pups can become injured during birth flood the internet. Pups an become tangled and injured when born in a laundry basket and without proper supervision a birthing mother can even unknowingly crush or squish her pups in a cardboard box during the birthing process.
Whelping boxes are mainly a safety precaution for birthing mothers and their offspring and they are most commonly used by breeders. They are designed for easy clean up, optimum safety for the pups and they are reusable. which is a great benefit for multiple litter breeders. When you are breeding for money the care and survival of your pups is your livelihood.
Ensuring the safety and cleanliness of the pups in addition to finding convenience and efficiency in the breeding process is how whelping boxes became prevalent in the breeding world.
Whelping boxes are also now considered a necessity for many owners who find their pet has become pregnant. This is because whelping boxes are known to ensure the safety of the pups without extra supervision needed. They have specially placed rails within the box that'll keep mama from accidentally squishing a pup between herself and and the box wall during the birthing and afterward.
A whelping box keeps young pups confined while allowing the mother to easily enter and exit at her will and a whelping box keeps the mess of birthing puppies off your floor. Additionally whelping boxes are made to keep pups shielded from drafts which can make them sick and weak after birth.
Whelping boxes are often reusable and specially made for disassembly and ease in cleaning which is why they are preferred by by many. Whelping boxes can be purchased or built from scratch depending on what you prefer and they make breeding much safer and cleaner for all.
If your pet is expecting or if you are considering becoming a breeder a whelping box is something you will want to research and invest in.
Click green for further info
__________________________________
Whelping box (Wikipedia)
whelp = puppy - pup - cub
Click green for further info
Wikipedia: A whelping box (also nesting box or whelping pen) is designed to protect puppies during birth (whelping) and early life by keeping them safely contained, protected from cold, and safe from the danger of crushing or smothering by the mother.Whelping boxes vary from improvised cardboard boxes to purpose built equipment, typically made of plywood. The sides of the box are designed to be high enough to safely contain the puppies, yet low enough to allow the mother to enter and leave comfortably, with consideration given to her protruding mammary glands.*) The bottom of the box may be lined with specially designed "whelping pads," or layers of newspaper (or fabric) to provide insulation from cold floors and to absorb fluids.
A low railing, termed a guard-rail or bumper-rail, may be present around the inside of the box. This is to protect puppies from being crushed or smothered by the mother should she roll over during birthing or while asleep. This is considered especially important with larger dog breeds. A whelping box (also nesting box or whelping pen) is designed to protect puppies during birth (whelping) and early life by keeping them safely contained, protected from cold, and safe from the danger of crushing or smothering by the mother.
Whelping boxes vary from improvised cardboard boxes to purpose built equipment, typically made of plywood. The sides of the box are designed to be high enough to safely contain the puppies, yet low enough to allow the mother to enter and leave comfortably, with consideration given to her protruding mammary glands. The bottom of the box may be lined with specially designed "whelping pads," or layers of newspaper (or fabric) to provide insulation from cold floors and to absorb fluids.
A low railing, termed a guard-rail or bumper-rail, may be present around the inside of the box. This is to protect puppies from being crushed or smothered by the mother should she roll over during birthing or while asleep. This is considered especially important with larger dog breeds.
*) A mammary gland is an organ in female mammals that produces milk to feed young offspring. Mammals get their name from the word "mammary." In humans, the mammary glands are situated in the breasts. In ruminants such as cows, goats, and deer, the mammary glands are contained in the udders. The mammary glands of mammals having more than two breasts, such as dogs and cats, are sometimes called dugs.
See related article 3 of 3 just below
________________________
Article 3 of 3
What is a whelping box?
whelp = puppy - pup - cub
Click green for further info
The word whelp is defined as "a young offspring of a mammal, such as a dog or wolf". A whelping box is simply a specialized box designed for optimal birthing and raising of small mammals, specifically puppies.
You are probably thinking "well my grandma put our pregnant dog in a cardboard box or laundry basket with some towels when she was giving birth, isn't that the same thing?". I assure you it is not. Many people even view this simplistic, old-fashioned idea as neglectful these days.
Discussions about how pups can become injured during birth flood the internet. Pups an become tangled and injured when born in a laundry basket and without proper supervision a birthing mother can even unknowingly crush or squish her pups in a cardboard box during the birthing process.
Whelping boxes are mainly a safety precaution for birthing mothers and their offspring and they are most commonly used by breeders. They are designed for easy clean up, optimum safety for the pups and they are reusable. which is a great benefit for multiple litter breeders. When you are breeding for money the care and survival of your pups is your livelihood.
Ensuring the safety and cleanliness of the pups in addition to finding convenience and efficiency in the breeding process is how whelping boxes became prevalent in the breeding world.
Whelping boxes are also now considered a necessity for many owners who find their pet has become pregnant. This is because whelping boxes are known to ensure the safety of the pups without extra supervision needed. They have specially placed rails within the box that'll keep mama from accidentally squishing a pup between herself and and the box wall during the birthing and afterward.
A whelping box keeps young pups confined while allowing the mother to easily enter and exit at her will and a whelping box keeps the mess of birthing puppies off your floor. Additionally whelping boxes are made to keep pups shielded from drafts which can make them sick and weak after birth.
Whelping boxes are often reusable and specially made for disassembly and ease in cleaning which is why they are preferred by by many. Whelping boxes can be purchased or built from scratch depending on what you prefer and they make breeding much safer and cleaner for all.
If your pet is expecting or if you are considering becoming a breeder a whelping box is something you will want to research and invest in.
Click green for further info
__________________________________
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Earn free College and CE credits by listening to the Radio show DrDrCanYouHelpMe
Original recordings 24/7. The site's archive provides you the recordings from several past years.
– YOU NEED TO REGISTER AS “ACHIEVER OF FREE CREDIT UNITS” – they never expire – register today
In the internet generation era most people have 2 – 5 different careers during their lifetime– most likely you also – the laws will change, our social security will be less and shorter, our retirement age will get higher, education for your probably new profession is a must; you might go back to College after 5, 10, 15, or perhaps after 50 years. A GREAT benefit from STAF, Inc., as our Radio Show website info indicates, YOU WILL GET, AS THE SHOW LISTENER, FREE CE, COLLEGE-UNIVERSITY CREDITS that never expire. To get the credits and save and keep them for any possible future use any time, you must register with STAF. Inc. When you register as the achiever of the free CE/College/University credits, you will (1) get a personal ID and (2) the related info how to get and keep forever these valuable credits. A wise decision is to register today – you most likely need the free credits sooner or later. The credits never expire. Email or call 212-946-1234 to request info how to register. Email: [email protected] Register today – you need this option for your future. The free credits never expire, they are valid nationwide and worldwide in any country.
DrDrCanYouHelpMe Show link:
www.blogtalkradio.com/lazzeolive
Starting: these following articles are added in this Restoring Any Marriage (RAM) tab
(1) Profiting From a Child’s Illiteracy - This article will move you - it will make you cry - it will make you call your Representative in D.C. Our opinion at the STAF, Inc. A MUST TO STUDY ARTICLE
(2)
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"We’ll Give you a NEW life
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- and your new life will begin -